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In this episode...

How to Discern When to Say Yes and When to Say No

https://faithfulontheclock.com/how-to-discern-when-to-say-yes-and-when-to-say-no

Intro teaser paragraph:

Episode 157 of Faithful on the Clock offers guidance on how to discern which requests and opportunities to take and which to politely refuse.

Timestamps:

[00:04] - Intro

[00:39] - Need versus calling, and God’s use of many servants

[01:51] - Saying yes out of obligation and care like Moses

[03:37] - Saying yes because we fear the request or opportunity will disappear (FOMO)

[05:10] - Saying yes because of guilt and shame

[07:00] - Saying yes because of a narrow, worldly view of the fruit produced

[07:55] - Summary question checklist; final point using the story of Jonah

[09:14] - Prayer

[09:58] - Outro/What’s coming up next

Key takeaways:

• Most discernment challenges involve choosing between good things, not good and bad things. The difficulty is deciding which opportunities are actually yours to pursue.
• The existence of a need is not proof of a calling. Exodus 18 shows that God meets needs through many servants, not one exhausted servant trying to do everything.
• Consider timing, not just opportunity.
• David, Abraham, and even Jesus experienced delays between calling and fulfillment.
• Fear of missing out is not a reliable reason to say yes.
• Watch for guilt and shame masquerading as obedience.
• High achievers often overcommit because they're subconsciously trying to prove their worth.
• Harder does not automatically mean holier.
• Evaluate the fruit, not just the benefits.
• Promotions, visibility, and income can come with hidden costs.
• Ask whether an opportunity produces the fruit of the Spirit or feeds ego, fear, scarcity, or people-pleasing.
• Use a four-question discernment checklist.
• Am I saying yes because I care but can't see others who are qualified?
• Am I afraid of missing out?
• Am I atoning or stewarding?
• Will this produce godly fruit?
• God tends to persist when something truly is part of your calling. The story of Jonah reinforces the idea that God often keeps bringing the right assignment back until we can no longer comfortably ignore it.

CTAs:

• Identify one opportunity, request, or commitment you're currently wrestling with. Run it through the four questions from today's episode and see what emerges when you look beyond urgency and into stewardship.

What’s coming up next:

Guest Donna Tashjian shows us how to claim our purpose in Episode 157 of Faithful on the Clock.

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Hi, there, everybody, and welcome to Faithful on the Clock, the podcast for Christian professionals where all the dogs keep barking to get your faith and work aligned. In a previous episode of the show, we covered how to draw clear boundaries and say no when you need to. But today, we’re addressing a slightly different issue — when requests or opportunities land on your plate, how do you even know if you should say yes or no to begin with? Let’s give you some tools to discern well.

So, to get started, I want to point out that, in general, I don’t think most of us have a problem saying no to something when it’s obviously bad. The problem and the confusion more often shows up when we’re choosing between multiple good things.You know, maybe you have a chance to take a promotion but also could spend your energy volunteering for a cause you think is important. And I think where a lot of us get caught is that we assume that if a good opportunity appears, we should automatically say yes, because that’s service and just, you know, what we do to climb the ladder and be successful. But if that were true, none of us would ever sleep. We’d end up spending every waking moment chasing everything and burning out, because there’s no shortage of need in the world. So, I want to be very clear here, OK? The existence of a need is not proof of a calling. Let me say that again. The existence of a need is not proof of a calling, and we have to remember that the way God handles the need in the world is through many servants working together, not through one servant acting in a bunch of places they were never meant to be or designed for.

So, to just emphasize that point, let’s take a look at Moses. If we look at Exodus 18, the people are recognizing that Moses is a pretty wise guy. They’re giving him chance after chance to be their judge and resolve conflicts. But Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, he’s like, “Look, Moses, I know you’ve got good intent here, but it’s too much. You keep trying to listen to all of this stuff without any help, you’re gonna burn out. It’s not good for you.” So, the work, the people, the need — all of that was real and mattered. But Moses wasn’t supposed to carry it all by himself. So, he finally takes Jethro’s advice and appoints some judges to help him. And I think some of us out there are like Moses. We’re saying yes not out of pride or ambition, but because we genuinely love other people and feel so responsible for them and their wellbeing. We don’t want them to be hurt or disappointed, and at the same time, we want to model that approachability God always has. So, if you’re saying yes just because you feel obligated to help, take a step back and listen to the father-in-law. Wanting to help is a good thing. But you might be able to do way more good without burning out if you say no when there are other people available who can do the job on your behalf. And this isn’t just about delegating, either, OK? It’s about humility and recognizing that you can step back because other people genuinely are qualified to hold the line. Look for those people and respect their gifts so you can stay focused on the assignments God is actually giving you.

The second thing we often need to look at when we get a request or opportunity is the timing. Because what often happens is, we look at the request or opportunity and think that the passage of time is gonna make that request or opportunity disappear. But if we look at Scripture, we see that’s not always the case. David was anointed king long before he became king. Or check out Abraham. He got a promise he had to wait decades for. Even Jesus had to tell his mother that His hour hadn’t come yet. But in all of those cases, the outcome was still secure. So, the lesson there is, the opportunity can be right while our understanding of the timeline can be wrong. So, if your primary motivation for saying yes is just because you’re afraid you won’t get another shot, then all you’re really doing is acting on a fear of missing out. So, look at whether the invitation is aligned with what God’s already been doing. If it’s aligned, then there’s nothing that’s going to take the opportunity or request off the table. Even if God holds it for years for you, He’s gonna deliver. But giving yourself that space to look at the request or opportunity in context of everything else God has already given to you will help you see whether it’s the next step in what He’s planned or if you’re just emotionally distracted from what you really need to do.

The next issue is one I think we don’t talk about often enough in professional circles. I’m talking about guilt and shame. A lot of us, especially high performers, we act because for whatever reason, we feel bad that we’re not doing more. We keep saying yes to requests and opportunities regardless of what they are because on some subconscious level, we’re keeping score, just trying to make sure we’re good enough or even have secretly apologized or atoned enough. And sometimes, especially if we’ve developed a solid brand or reputation, we’re feeling anticipatory guilt thinking about what’s gonna happen if we don’t protect what we’ve already built. So, if that’s you, ask yourself if getting that request or opportunity feels draining instead of energizing. Because if you’re continuously saying yes all the time out of guilt or shame, at some point, your nervous system is gonna start protesting. It’s gonna look at that request or opportunity and think, “Oh, no — I’m already maxed out. I can’t do this again.” My message for you in this situation is that harder doesn’t always equal holier. Because it’s possible to work yourself to exhaustion and not do a single thing God asked you to do. It’s not about how much you’re stewarding. It’s about whether you’re stewarding the right things. Yes, sometimes God asks you to do something new. But if you get a request or opportunity that means you suddenly no longer can steward what God has trusted you with and He hasn’t given you a way to safely step out of your role, that’s a time to be cautious. I wouldn’t say yes when doing so puts what God has already had you work for in jeopardy.

The last point is, play the tape to the end. Take a look at the fruit that the opportunity or request is gonna produce. And most of the time, we tend to take a pretty narrow view here. We look at stuff like a pay increase or maybe better visibility in our industry. But those benefits might have hidden costs. For example, how much time with your family will you have to sacrifice? Are you going to have to compromise some of your values to keep going? Ask yourself if the request or opportunity is a move toward God’s character. Ask yourself if it increases love, peace, faithfulness, or wisdom — or if it feeds your ego, fear, scarcity, or people-pleasing. Don’t let the lure of worldly successes trick you into thinking that choking the fruit of the Spirit is the right thing.

So, just to summarize and wrap up, here’s the checklist. Ask yourself:

Am I saying yes because I care but can’t see the others who are qualified?

Am I rushing to accept because I’m scared of what I might lose?

Am I atoning, or am I stewarding what God asked me to protect? — And,

At the end of this, will I have produced what benefits the world, or will I have produced the fruit of the Spirit?

If you can get through all four of those points, then saying yes is probably the right move. But if you want one last point, I’d argue that if God really wants you to say yes to something, He’s not gonna take no for an answer. He will clear the path and send the whale to go get you. And from my own experience, the stuff He really wants you to do, you know, maybe you resist for a while like Jonah did. Maybe it takes a while for you to understand why God is doing what He’s doing, and you have to challenge your own ego and desires along the way. But you will get to a point where you aren’t OK with saying no anymore. Everything else becomes secondary, and you become really confident that if that request or opportunity were gone, you’d feel genuine grief about it.

So, let’s close out by taking a moment to pray together.

Lord, we know You bless those who love You and do their best to do what you commanded us. We know, too, that we’re supposed to help each other and bear each other’s burdens. So, saying yes can welcome Your blessings into our lives and let us show other people who You are. But protect us from the feelings that can get in the way. Help us identify what’s really motivating us so that we don’t put ourselves or others at risk, and make sure that saying yes is going to produce what aligns with You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

That’s it for now, everybody. Remember that what we feel isn’t always the best gauge of what to do, and that success is saying yes to the right things, not everything. And because saying yes connects so closely to claiming your calling, for our next episode, I’m welcoming special guest Donna Tashjian. She’ll be sharing her experience and guidance around focusing on who you’re being and claiming the calling God gave you. I’ll have that ready for you in two weeks, and be blessed.