Finding ways to serve others means that we have a knack of knowledge, skills, or abilities to display for others. It helps to push us to develop these types of characteristics in ways that will empower us to develop ourselves and our destinies, whether they are pre-defined or not. The amount of work that we spend on ourselves to do this, however, can be influenced by how we are shaped and molded to define our journey. However, what if you walked away from it after a while, wanting to come back, but were denied? How do you fulfill your purpose that you were originally meant to do? United States Marine Corps veteran Leah Parker shares her story of how this occurred for her, and how it helped to become the best version of herself through the work that she does not only for her clients, but how she creates space for others to do the same. Her purpose will not only amaze you, but will inspire you to take action to truly "speak from the heart" in ways that you never thought were possible.

Guest Bio

Leah Parker is a Licensed Therapist, Veteran, and Recovering Perfectionist who has a passion for supporting trauma survivors reconnect to their body, heart, and worth, so they can develop deep connections and healthy relationships. You start your healing journey today by downloading her free workbook, Reconnect with Heartfulness: Nurturing Self-Compassion for a Life of Connection at omicounseling.com/workbook.

Website: https://omicounseling.com/workbook

@complex.trauma.counselor on Instagram

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 146 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

Today's guest is Leah Parker,

and Leah is a licensed therapist,

6

veteran, and recovering perfectionist

who has a passion for supporting

7

trauma survivors, reconnecting

to their body, heart, and worth.

8

This is to help them develop deep

connections and healthy relationships

9

once again, and I love that our

relationship with this episode starts

10

from not only the fact that she has

been a United States veteran, but she

11

has been going through some of the

biggest challenges of her life, going

12

from not only re-enlisting in the armed

forces, which we talk about, but also

13

what it means to set goals, help others,

while at the same time being a leader.

14

You have to figure that this hard work,

the things that you have to do, allow

15

us to understand that we need to gain

a sense of independence, feeling that

16

we belong; not feeling like we have all

these bad things always happening to

17

us, and of course, looking beyond what's

on the surface, even what's on a paper

18

for that matter, because let's face it.

19

When you do talk to someone, and you

do deal with them on a daily basis,

20

you start to understand them a little

bit better, so how do you overcome some

21

of the societal tensions, the cultural

norms, even the things that we have

22

to push ourselves through, in order to

have a greater connection with everyone?

23

I think that you'll find that Leah's

story today touches on not just all these

24

things, but it also connects with why

we need to have a proven identity, an

25

understanding of what we are and aligning

with that identity no matter what anybody

26

challenges us to feel, to even have as

questionable motives or opportunities in

27

our life, because if you think about it,

we are one unique person, and I think

28

that you'll find that Leah's unique

story fits all that and so much more.

29

But with that, let's go to the episode.

30

All right.

31

We're here with Leah Parker.

32

Leah, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

33

Leah: Oh, absolutely.

34

Thanks for providing the space.

35

Joshua: Absolutely.

36

I'm appreciative of you providing a

bigger space because you are one of

37

my veterans on the show, and I just

want to acknowledge right away for

38

the fact that you served in the Marine

Corps, so thank you very much on the

39

bottom of my heart for the service

that you provide to our country.

40

Leah: I appreciate that.

41

Joshua: Absolutely, and I think that's

a great segue to start off with our

42

conversation because I've already let I

already let the audience know, Leah, a

43

little bit about you and your background.

44

First off, what got you actually

interested in serving in the military,

45

and then after you did your military

stint, what made you decide to enter

46

the space that you're in right now?

47

Leah: Hmmm.

48

That's going to make for

an interesting story.

49

I think like a lot of our military folks;

they say there's like two type of people.

50

There's the type of people who are

running away from something that

51

joined the military, and then there's

those that are patriotic, and there's

52

not a lot of- I mean, sorry to

burst your bubble, but I came from a

53

pretty tumultuous kind of childhood.

54

I mean, there was a lot of presence,

but there was a lot of valleys too.

55

There was some addiction,

domestic violence stuff.

56

We lived in a not great part of that city

for a lot of the time, so there was like

57

gang violence and stuff as well, and there

was this sense of this is not it for me.

58

I wanted to get out of

there as fast as I could.

59

I was looking for any avenue to do

that and recruiters, they love to visit

60

high schools and it's almost like they

can sense you from a mile away, and I

61

was approached by a Marine recruiter.

62

I chose the Marine Corps because he

looked the best in uniform, to be honest.

63

He looked sharp and I was like,

"If I'm going to do this, I want

64

to be like that person.", right?

65

He's squared away.

66

He's sharp.

67

He's well spoken.

68

He was emulating just kind of that aura,

that confidence that I was wanting to

69

step into, and then there was another side

of it that I was like, "If I'm going to

70

be in the military-", this is my little

cocky little 17 year old self, right?

71

" I want to do the hard one."

72

Like, why am I going to sugarcoat

it, or scapegoat around it?

73

Let me go ahead and do the one that

people say that you can't do or whatever.

74

I joined the Marine Corps to pretty much

escape family and just gain a sense of

75

independence, and I didn't know it at

the time, but another thing that really

76

attracted me to the Marine Corps that

in hindsight I can see is with him being

77

so squared away, what that was telling

me is there's a lot of structure here,

78

and I came from an environment with no

structure, and I knew I needed that.

79

Not on a cognitive level, but

on that unconscious level.

80

I knew I needed boundaries.

81

I knew I needed to structure my

life, so I did about 10 years in

82

the Marine Corps; just shy of 10,

and through that, there was lots of

83

ups and downs in that experience.

84

There's a lot of really good things that

I took away from it, and there's some

85

not so great things that I took away, and

that's okay, but the part of the Marine

86

Corps that I liked was the leadership.

87

I liked being a leader.

88

I liked sitting down with my Marines.

89

I liked getting to know them.

90

I liked helping them create

goals for themselves.

91

I liked watching them surpass me.

92

I was not that disgruntled person.

93

If I had a younger Marine

get promoted above me, I was

94

sitting and I was like, "Yes!

95

You are doing something right."

96

and so I was like, "Oh.

97

There is something here.

98

I didn't like."

99

The FF games that the Marine Corps played.

100

I didn't like that side of it, but

there was something to that piece of it.

101

I didn't know what that would

look like when I got out.

102

I got out and I think like probably most

veterans, or just anybody that makes a

103

big transition, a big career transition,

but maybe military or law enforcement or

104

things like that, a little bit more is

there is this identity ,crisis that we

105

go through, and I got out and I spiraled,

because I had to sit with the question,

106

"Well, if I'm not a Marine, who am I?"

107

Joshua: Wow.

108

Leah: And that was hard, right?

109

When you go from 17 to your twenties,

identifying as this thing above all else.

110

When that's ripped away from

you, it's hard to grapple with.

111

It's hard to reckon with, so I turned

to some self numbing activities.

112

There was a period of depression in there,

and I started to finally see a counselor

113

for the first time, and then that kind of

sparked this trajectory of where I am now.

114

They were really helpful.

115

I learned a lot.

116

I grew a lot, and I was like, "This is

what I want to be for other people."

117

I want to be a light.

118

This is that mentorship that

I gravitated to so much.

119

This is the part of the

experience that I enjoyed, and

120

then I started down that path.

121

Joshua: You mentioned about identity

crisis and for many veterans that I have

122

talked to on the show, I think of David

Specht who's one of my guests that I've

123

had many, many episodes ago, where he

kind of shared how that shaped him into

124

getting into the journalism field and

helping him become a better leader because

125

of helping his family, being able to

achieve some of those greatness items.

126

You're sharing a little bit of an

opposite story of that, and I noticed

127

that a lot of the things that you have

mentioned even on your website about

128

yourself is the concept of anger.

129

Did that have anything to do with

why it was such an adjustment

130

period for you after the military?

131

I've had some family members that

have served in the military myself.

132

I have never served in the military,

but I know of some others that have had

133

that sort of struggle readjusting back

to civilian life, and I'm wondering if

134

that has any contribution to what you've

been through, and I'm wondering if you

135

can share a little bit about that too.

136

Leah: Hmm.

137

That's a good point that

you picked that out.

138

I was angry.

139

I felt betrayed in a lot of ways.

140

You know, the military, they hook

you in with this sense of family.

141

" We're your brothers.

142

We're your sisters.

143

We have your back.

144

There's this camaraderie.

145

We got you.", "You never

leave marine behind.

146

We got you.", but when you're in

there, that's for sure not the case.

147

You find that these people that

you look to that you respect,

148

they're the ones that hurt you.

149

They turn their back on you, and

it was a really painful process,

150

because a lot of people may not

be aware, and I'll share it here.

151

Part of it was I wanted to get out,

but I did submit for re-enlistment,

152

thinking, "You know what?

153

If they say yes, what's

the worst that can happen?

154

I retire in 10 years.", and

they said no, and that stung.

155

Joshua: Wow.

156

Leah: That really hurt, and so there

was a lot of anger there of this,"

157

woe is me", kind of self pity place,

or this other criticism place of,

158

"I gave you 10 years of my life.

159

I gave you the best years of my life.

160

You got all my 20s, and this

is that thanks that I get?"

161

and they didn't even give me the full

severance pay, so that was just like icing

162

on the cake of my F y'all, and so a lot

of it was stripping away the parts of my

163

identity that were formed, encapsulated

to be that essence of a Marine that really

164

never fit me anyway, and I think I needed

some of that anger to really let go of a

165

lot of those pieces, if that makes sense.

166

Joshua: It does, and I can relate to you.

167

I didn't really share this with

you, but my listeners know that I

168

have been trained in Toastmasters.

169

Toastmasters is a non profit that works

on communication, leadership development,

170

and I was given the opportunity to

lead several hundred clubs at one time

171

because of working through the process.

172

I couldn't do it because that was the

time, Leah, that I actually tried to

173

hurt myself, and I wasn't really in a

healthy state to be helping other people

174

if I needed the help the most, so a few

years later, I tried to go through that

175

process and I felt like I was shunned,

and now I know some people listening to

176

this know exactly what I'm talking about,

and they're probably already raging in

177

anger, like, "Why would you bring that up,

Josh?", because that left a big impression

178

in my life when I was going back and

trying again, and I was rejected too,

179

so I can relate to that feeling because

you feel like you've been separated out,

180

even after you tried to put in the hard

work, but I learned a valuable lesson even

181

myself, and I feel like you are trying to

do the same in that maybe that had a place

182

in time, but those signs are oftentimes

the ability for us to move in a different

183

direction and serve in the greater

capacities that we are able to do, which

184

I will contribute that decision of failure

in my life that ultimately led to starting

185

my own coaching business, Your Speaking

Voice, hence the reason being able to do

186

this podcast, so I think that you started

Omi Counseling as a result of not only

187

trying to do this, but also build some

of these other facets of your life out.

188

Would that be fair to say?

189

Leah: Oh, a hundred percent.

190

It was a blessing in

disguise by all the means.

191

I wouldn't been able to

heal in the Marine Corps.

192

I know that there was too much.

193

Too much of it requires you to be a little

broken, and I hate to say that, but people

194

who've been there will understand what

I mean by that, and so having enough

195

separation from it allowed me to come into

my authentic self, and heal parts of me

196

that would have never had the space to

heal in that environment, so I 100 percent

197

would not be the person I am today, the

mother I am today, the wife I am today,

198

the sister I am today, the daughter I

am today, the counselor, the coach, if I

199

hadn't had that, quote unquote, rejection.

200

Joshua: Were you rejected, though, in

the military itself, because you were

201

saying a little bit earlier about not

just the re-enlistment, and the rejection

202

of that, but it sounded to me like

you almost didn't fit in, because the

203

culture that you were told it was going

to be was not the culture that it was

204

in reality sense, so for me, before you

even answer that, hearing what you're

205

saying, and you also helping others before

you even got into the counseling world,

206

quote unquote, you were a counselor.

207

Do you think that might have helped you

with having that sort of atmosphere build

208

your perseverance to want to help others?

209

Leah: In a sense, I mean, I was a mentor.

210

One of the things that I do keep with me

that the military taught me was how to be

211

a good leader and how to be a good mentor.

212

They teach you a lot of principles

and values that are necessary, and

213

so all of that followed me, yes,

but there was a- I'll just say it.

214

There's no other way to say it than to

just call it out, but to be a woman in the

215

Marine Corps is a very hard thing to do.

216

We are such a small subgroup of people.

217

We are in a man's world.

218

It's still very much a man's world.

219

There's still a lot of, at least

when I was in, now that's been about

220

10 years now, the older leadership.

221

You could tell the ones that really

still didn't think we should be there,

222

and even to the other Marines, you

were either seen as a potential sexual

223

object, or you were cold, and there

wasn't a lot of room just to be.

224

They were quick to label us.

225

They have lots of nasty names for female

Marines that objectify us and put us

226

out there to be something that we're

not, and even if you don't fit in their

227

particular idea of what women are, that

doesn't keep them from spreading rumors.

228

It doesn't keep them from

talking about you, so it doesn't

229

keep them from harassing you.

230

It doesn't stop any of that,

and so I thought I was naive.

231

I grew up with mostly sisters.

232

I didn't have a lot of brothers and

I thought I was getting brothers, but

233

I got a lot of predators and not all.

234

I met some really good guys along

the way that I would still consider

235

them friends, and I appreciate the

connections we made, and the relationships

236

we had during my time in the Marine

Corps, but a lot of it wasn't that.

237

Joshua: You know.

238

First off, that's the most open that

I've ever heard anybody explain the

239

situation being a female in a male

dominated military world, and I have

240

to be very careful myself because for

my listeners, they know I'm a male.

241

I mean, you can tell I'm a male too,

and you're a female, and I got to be

242

very careful walking this line myself

because I believe in everybody having

243

the equal opportunity to be able to

become the best versions of themselves.

244

I really believe in that so much so that

I've built my business around the fact

245

that coaching others to find that voice in

this ever changing world is so important.

246

You are the epiphany of wanting to

change people in this ever changing

247

world because you're living the mission

that I'm really setting out to do, Leah,

248

because you saying what these things

are, are so important, and for you to not

249

feel like you were acknowledged in that,

that makes me feel sad; be honest with

250

you just listening to this, because here

I am talking to somebody that is very

251

intelligent, eloquent, has much education.

252

I mean, I'm looking at your

website and I'm just wowed.

253

You can probably look behind me because

for my listeners, we were able to see

254

each other, although you're only hearing

the audio, but you see that I have many

255

degrees behind even me, for that matter,

that I've been able to achieve throughout

256

my lifetime, but I never really stopped

to think sometimes about what it might

257

mean to struggle through some of the

things that women have to go through,

258

and I am not saying that I am sorry,

because that's what's defined you, and

259

I'm not the one that did it either, if

it's all these other people, but, at

260

the same time, I feel that you are much

stronger of a person than I am, and for

261

that reason, I think it's so important to

acknowledge this one question that I have

262

for you that I think is really important.

263

Do you think that, if it wasn't for

those experiences, especially with

264

going through school and going through

the military, do you have any regrets?

265

Do you have any sort of feeling

of, "I should have never had to go

266

through this in the first place?",

because, to me, I don't know.

267

Maybe I'm leading you in this

question, and I might be, but, I

268

feel like you have such a strong

skill set that goes beyond that.

269

You're able to talk to people

that you can relate to so

270

much better than I ever could.

271

Leah: Yeah, so early in my healing

journey, I very much was in that place.

272

"Why me?"

273

"Why did bad things seem to happen to me?"

274

"When am I going to learn the lesson?

275

Whoever you are out there, I

think I've learned the lesson."

276

We don't need to circle back around,

but it's one thing that, I think we've

277

probably heard this so many times before,

but your trauma can be your triumph,

278

and it's like you said, it is giving me

a level of depth that I wouldn't have

279

had I not went through those things

and was resilient and had to learn how

280

to process and come back to myself,

and so I don't regret what happened.

281

I do have a few regrets about some

things in life, but it's more about how

282

I related to things, versus the things

that happened to me, if that makes sense.

283

I don't think that I would take those

things away, but if I could go back

284

to my younger self and mentor her

a little bit better, the way I was

285

relating to those things, I would

have loved to hold her hand and helped

286

her through those in a much quicker,

quicker way, if that makes sense.

287

Joshua: It does, and for us to be able to

do that means that we have to have that

288

empowerment, or that knowledge, to be

able to do just that, and sometimes it's

289

not as easy as it might sound, because

we have all those past traumas, like you

290

said, but I love what you said: trauma

can be our triumph, and you did triumph.

291

I'm going to just go ahead and call it

out for what it is, okay, because, as you

292

know, and we even talked about this before

we started, I'm about calling it out

293

for what it is all about, because that's

where I am at and this point in my life.

294

Whether people are apologetic about it

or not, I don't care, because I feel that

295

if it's really something that you've done

that's really good, I'm going to say it.

296

Bachelor of Arts in

Psychology, Columbia College.

297

Master of Arts in Counseling, St.

298

Edward's University.

299

You have all these different

certifications and trainings in not

300

only postpartum, prenatal yoga, heart of

trauma, emotional transformative therapy.

301

You've done so many different things

to build yourself this opportunity

302

that is not only something that

I'm like shocked at because of what

303

you've been through because easily

people can make the decision of, "No.

304

I'm not going to continue with this.

305

I'm just going to sit in my sorrow."

306

My question for you is

you've done all these things.

307

Why give back?

308

Why try, because you obviously

do find that energy inside

309

of yourself to try, Leah.

310

Why you try to help others

to try to find that as well?

311

Leah: When I was talking about going

back to that younger version of myself,

312

and really sitting with her a little

earlier and shaking her a little

313

bit, like, you are worth so much more

than you are offering to yourself,

314

and on paper, here's the thing.

315

I've always looked fantastic on paper.

316

I am a recovering perfectionist.

317

I have always had, well not

always, but I worked really

318

hard to have the perfect body.

319

I would have the perfect uniform.

320

I would have the perfect CFT score.

321

I would never have a perfect

PFT because I could never run

322

that fast, but that's okay.

323

It was always a first class.

324

On paper, I did all the things.

325

I went above and beyond.

326

I checked all the boxes, because I was

constantly trying to earn my worth,

327

to earn my value, so some of what

you're reading there, as impressive

328

as it is, is an extension of that.

329

Earning my confidence and my competence

in this field, and feeling like I

330

have to have all these things, to

then have the space to be able to

331

show up and talk like I am right now.

332

Some of that is just, I have a deep

love for learning, and that will

333

never end, and I like to be efficient.

334

Joshua: Yeah.

335

You definitely are efficient

with what you've been answering

336

these, I got to tell you.

337

Leah: But the piece that I have now, the

love that I can truly sit with myself

338

in, and how that has changed, like

transformed, the relationships in my

339

life is why I try, and I don't try in a

way that I have someone in front of me

340

and I'm efforting to get them somewhere

because that's rude, that's invasive, and

341

I don't do that, but I try in the sense

that I hold the invitation, and I will

342

hold it for as long as they need me to.

343

Joshua: Yeah.

344

Leah: That what you said to me,

that I see you, and I don't only

345

see who's in front of me, but I see

the little five year old in you.

346

I see the little eight year old in you.

347

I see the little 12 year old in you.

348

I see that 21 year old in you.

349

I see all those parts of you,

and I embrace all of them.

350

Joshua: I had a guest on recently

that talked about the different chairs

351

that we sit on, and how they all

interplay into how we become an adult,

352

and sometimes we're sitting though

in the adolescent chair the most,

353

and it's such a fascinating concept.

354

Jenny Jansen, who was on the show,

actually talked about this quite a lot,

355

and I think that what you're saying

is not just about being seen, which I

356

did say to you, and for my listeners,

before we even started, I did say to

357

Leah because she had some hesitations

about doing this, I said, "I do see you.

358

You don't have to be nervous about what

you're sharing today, because I think

359

what you share sometimes the things that

we don't share in the moment that counts

360

the most are the things that we really

need to hear the most.", but this is

361

just about the chairs that we sit in.

362

It's not just about what we have

accomplished, which yes, I'm also

363

recovering perfectionist myself.

364

I feel like we're two peas in a pod here

because I always tried to overachieve

365

because I was always overweight, and

always didn't feel good about myself,

366

up until about four years ago, and then

something clicked that I can't do that

367

anymore because it's not sustainable,

but you're saying something that

368

is truly important, and it's about

that continuous learning process.

369

It's not just about staying stagnant.

370

It's not just about feeling that you have

to always cater to what the intrinsic

371

or extrinsic motivations are, which I

had a recent client that we've talked

372

about those concepts, and why it's so

important to be in balance with both

373

the intrinsicness and the extrinsicness

because you can have too much of feeding

374

your self ego, but you can also have too

much of other people trying to feed your

375

ego and you're relying on that, and then

when it goes downhill, you go downhill.

376

Leah: You spiral fast.

377

Joshua: Yes.

378

Leah: Oh, does the spiral go deep?

379

Joshua: Yes, it does go super deep.

380

It goes super into the weeds of why

we are sometimes struggling to create

381

that context in our lives that we are

trying to find, but, you are doing that.

382

Are you happy with where you're at now?

383

Leah: So much so.

384

I mean, of course I still have goals.

385

For the first time, I can say that I

am content in my romantic relationship.

386

I could never say that before.

387

I could never invite that in.

388

I am content in the

professional that I am.

389

I have a desire to make a greater impact,

which is part of this podcast tour that

390

I'm doing, but I am extremely happy with

where I am, and it's because I slowed

391

down for myself and I built relationships

with my own little people inside that

392

I can hold the space for others to do

the same, and it's really for me about

393

inviting people to just form connections

with themselves, to deepen that connection

394

with themselves so they have the space

to open up their heart to others.

395

That's my why, you know.

396

Joshua: Yeah.

397

You have to be able to, and you need to be

able to always ask that question of why.

398

Leah, we're almost towards the

end of our time, and it's been

399

such a heartfelt conversation.

400

I feel this sense of kindredness inside

of me right now of peace being able

401

to hear your answers, and I don't know

why, because I feel that you've been

402

through so much, but yeah, you're a

very strong woman for being able to

403

share your convictions of what you have

been through, and why something needs

404

to change, and I'm going to ask you

a question that you ask your clients,

405

because you have this on your website,

and I found this really fascinating.

406

Yeah, you probably know what I'm going

to ask you, because it's straight out

407

there, and I'm looking at it and I'm

like, "Yeah, this is the question to ask

408

you.", so you have on your website, for

my listeners, she says, "What is your

409

first question for a client, and why?",

and you wrote, in quotes, "If our time

410

together provided you with everything

you need to live your best life, how

411

would you know our work was done?"

412

Well, my question, to rephrase that for

you, is, how will you know that your work

413

is done, Leah, or will it be ever done?

414

Leah: I don't think it'll ever be done,

because the world will never be- well,

415

I don't want to say never, but in my

lifetime, I don't believe that we'll

416

be able to treat each other with enough

empathy and compassion that there

417

won't be trauma in the process, and so

as a trauma therapist, as a perinatal

418

therapist, women will always have babies

and that will always be a hard transition.

419

Couples will always have struggles.

420

They, like my work will

never be done, done.

421

That doesn't mean that I'll never be

able to close the book on my professional

422

chapter, but being a mentor is who I

am, and whether that is for clients in a

423

professional setting, or my own children,

or my grandchildren, or my friends and

424

family, I'll never stop being the person

who sits down and really sits with you.

425

Joshua: We don't have enough of that

in this world, and sometimes we need

426

to have that extra chair out for the

nights that someone does show up and

427

we need to be able to make a cup of

coffee, make a cup of tea, whatever

428

that is, and be able to just sit

with them, and whether that's crying,

429

whether that is just having someone to

talk to, whether it's something else.

430

I know that for me in the darkest of

times- sorry, I'm getting a little

431

emotional thinking about this too, but

I often wanted somebody to do just the

432

same, and instead, they would either call

the cops, or they would call somebody

433

instead, but I really wanted to hear from

them more than anything else, even if

434

I wasn't in a good mindset, and that's

why it's always been my mission since

435

I have become more self aware of what

I had done destructively to myself that

436

I needed to be able to help others.

437

You're doing such the same by pulling

up that chair, and I encourage you to

438

keep pulling up that chair, because you

got not only the goods to bring, because

439

of all the things you did, even if it

was from the time that you had that

440

perfectionalism inside of you, but you

are doing something that in this world, we

441

need to be able to continue doing, which

is having that extra chair out, so Leah-

442

Leah: That's all we really want, right?

443

Be seen, but not to be seen for who

they want us to be, but to be seen

444

for who we are, and to be accepted,

and to be held, and so, yeah.

445

My chair, my door, my room,

it will always be open.

446

Joshua: Thanks for being so open

with all of us, and Leah, I want

447

to give you the last few minutes.

448

I'm sure many people are sitting

back now and thinking, "Wow.

449

This lady's incredible.

450

I want to be able to reach out to her.

451

I probably have more questions."

452

How can people reach out to you?

453

If people are interested in having

some counseling with you, maybe you can

454

talk a little bit about Omi Counseling

and how they can schedule some of that

455

time with you, even if people want to

reach out to you on your social media,

456

I would love for you to share some

of that, but I'm going to give you

457

the last few minutes to do all that.

458

Leah: Yeah, absolutely.

459

If the way that I held space today,

or the way that I have come across

460

resonated with you in any way, and

you would like to spend some time

461

with me, just go to my website.

462

It is www.omi, that's Oscar, Mike,

India, counseling.com, and you can book

463

a consultation with me through there.

464

I also do workshops, and I hold retreats,

and I do lots of other things, so if

465

you even just want to be in my world

to see what's coming up, you can

466

jump on my newsletter, and if you are

really resonating with my invitation

467

to return back to your heart, you

can go download my free workbook.

468

It is a guide to return to the heart and

our nurturing your self compassion, and

469

it really walks you through the phases

where we're most likely to disconnect

470

from our heartfulness, so you can kind

of get an idea of what your core need

471

wounding is, like who you need to go

mentor inside, and it kind of guides

472

you through what that looks like, and

then, it gives prompts to practice self

473

compassion, because it's a skill that we

have to learn, and with perfectionism,

474

there's always a very fierce critic that

comes with that, that took me a lot of

475

time to soften her, and starting with

self-compassion is so important because

476

we can't heal from a state of shame.

477

We can only heal from a state of

self-compassion, so I invite you to

478

get that workbook and start working

through that, and if you need any

479

help with any of the concepts, you

can reach out for more support.

480

Joshua: I'll put all those

resources, including the free

481

workbook that you mentioned,

into the episode notes, but Leah,

482

for maybe one of the few times as

I wrap up this, I am speechless.

483

I have so many things running

through my mind right now as it

484

comes to what you've been through.

485

I mean, first off, let me reemphasize the

fact that you served our great country

486

and being in the Marine Corps, despite

the difficulty that had been to be in

487

that sort of environment, and I want

to say thank you again for doing that.

488

The other thing is, you have been

through a lot of things, whether that

489

was through society, whether that's

through culture, whether that is

490

through some of the things that you

had to traverse, because it's just the

491

process of what we go through as life.

492

Where many people would continue to

carry the anger and the shame that you

493

have talked about today, you are using

this in such a way that I can't quite

494

put my finger on, and that's why I'm a

little bit speechless because there's an

495

energy, as some of my guests have talked

about, that we often exude or share, and

496

I feel that you're sharing this energy

of this space, whether it's a physical

497

manifestation, or whether it's something

that you create from nothingness.

498

I feel a sense of comfort today, and

it's very unusual for me to wrap up a

499

show where I'm talking about this sense

of comfort, but I feel that way, and

500

I don't know if that's a gift that you

have, or if it's something that you have

501

learned to cultivate and to transpire

because of your partner's support, being

502

a mother, whether it's because of the

training that you have gotten through

503

the military, whether it's through your

formal education, I don't quite know, but-

504

Leah: That's just me.

505

Joshua: But I think it's just you, and I

think because you are just being you and

506

I think that you're you is making us feel

like we're a million dollars and that

507

we're able to see that best opportunity,

that best authentic version of ourselves,

508

I want to say thank you from the bottom of

my heart being on Speaking From The Heart,

509

because not only did you open some of

those doors today, but you're continuing

510

to open those doors, and you're definitely

a bright light in this world, so don't

511

let that light be extinguished, so thank

you again for being part of the show.

512

Leah: Absolutely.

513

It's been my pleasure.

514

Joshua: I want to thank Leah for being

part of the show, and sharing not only

515

her story, but also how she's been able to

overcome so much, even with all the things

516

that are deemed as maybe the bad things in

life, and turning them into great things,

517

because let's deal with the fact that all

things that are great might be bad, and

518

all things that are bad might be great.

519

It's all a matter of perspective.

520

It's all about getting to

a better part of our life.

521

Are you willing to do the hard things?

522

Are you trying to get a sense

of independence by being

523

able to do it on your own?

524

Are you reaching out to others?

525

I think Leah's story, and so much of

what she shared, all interconnects into

526

finding that sense of independence,

being liked as a leader, setting those

527

goals, and helping others while you

are a leader in many different facets.

528

The military, regardless of where you

are in the world, certainly prepares

529

you into all kinds of opportunities,

even after you serve your country, to

530

be able to help in a variety of ways,

but speaking in a perspective of the

531

United States, I feel that we could

be doing so much more to be the light,

532

to be the change that we want to have

in our lives, because let's be real.

533

A lot of the things that we try to

help out with and try to connect

534

with, I think it makes such a big

difference to have some careful

535

considerations for developing yourself.

536

You have to learn how to set up not

only the success that you'll have for

537

the rest of your life, but even in the

military, you have to feel a little

538

bit more disciplined when it comes

to what you're trying to achieve.

539

I'm sad to hear that even with Leah's

story that she tried to re-enlist,

540

because she missed that passion

and could not do it, she had to

541

find another way to make it work.

542

Even if you wanted to say that she

should have stayed in the armed

543

forces and been able to help serve

her country, sometimes things change.

544

Sometimes the perspective that

we have back then doesn't make us

545

realize that we had something good

to provide until it's too late.

546

I know for even my own life, I have

reached out, tried to get into different

547

types of positions, and failed to do

so, and then when I did leave positions

548

because I thought I was going to a

better place, I wasn't, and I tried to

549

go back, but it was already too late.

550

Sometimes, we don't know what our

perspective is that we're trying

551

to reach for, until we miss what

we really were called to do, so

552

where is that place of healing?

553

Where do we find that space?

554

Sometimes it's hard to even do that in

the hustle and bustle of life, which

555

we've talked about on so many occasions

on this podcast, but yet trying to find

556

it means that you have to have a heart

to heart, an exercise in which you

557

discuss what you're trying to achieve.

558

You have to figure out what are

some of the best ways to keep moving

559

yourself forward, while not moving

backward, even if you think that

560

you're heading into a better position.

561

I think that we have to look at what

our feelings are, how we're being

562

treated by the world, how we're being

treated by others, because if we are

563

feeling objectified, if we feel that

it's something that they could be doing

564

a much better job at, especially with

our management, even if we're stuck in a

565

workplace situation that we really want

to escape, can we find the good in it?

566

Are we learning something from these

experiences so that we never take it

567

again to the chin, to the chest, to even

other places that we might not want to

568

have anywhere else in our life, even

our personal lives for that matter?

569

I know that it can be a struggle.

570

I know that sometimes you're trying to

figure out what are some ways to keep

571

moving the needle forward, but in all

honesty, sometimes that needle, as I've

572

even said, can be even pushed, bent,

and even destroyed, by other people's

573

intentionalities and their false hopes,

their false idols of what they should be

574

thinking as being able to move forward.

575

You might be even asking the

question, "Why do we have

576

these bad things happen to me?

577

Why is this always happening over

and over again?", and I get it.

578

Sometimes, those struggles, those

fears that we have, the aspects in

579

which we're trying to overcome, and

learn how to come back from all those

580

past failures, all those ridiculed

individuals that we have been facing,

581

all those people that have tried to

make us feel like we're worthless,

582

means that we also have to figure out

what it means to keep pushing forward.

583

Maybe we look good on paper.

584

Maybe we have the perfect body.

585

Maybe we go above and beyond.

586

Maybe we are even saying to

ourselves that we are competent.

587

We are loved.

588

We are going to keep learning and

growing, but even then, we might

589

be telling lies to ourselves.

590

We might be having to work on ourselves

in a variety of other ways so that we

591

do get that attention, we do get that

understanding from others, and that

592

we try to push ourselves, and extend

ourselves, thinking that that will

593

help us get to where we need to be.

594

Wow!

595

Isn't that quite a lot of different

things happening all at once?

596

To try to balance?

597

To try to feel like you're worthy,

and yet, maybe all that work is for

598

naught, and to feel like you are

worth nothing, after everything that

599

you've tried to pour into yourself

to do, is all for waste, or is it?

600

I have often sat here, even in my own

office, throwing pity parties for myself,

601

thinking that I was never good enough,

never able to accomplish the things

602

that I should be accomplishing, and I

let my own thoughts, my own desires, my

603

own setbacks even, get the best of me.

604

As I've even said to some of my own

clients, I have some of the past versions

605

of myself, let alone even people that

I have shamed and wronged, even look

606

at me, even though they're not here,

pointing the finger at me, and saying

607

that I'm worthless, that I'm never going

to make a better version of myself.

608

They, those people, those past versions,

do not have the empathy and compassion

609

for what I've been through in terms

of my own struggles, whether that

610

has involved infidelity, maybe even

mismanagement of my own resources,

611

or even, diving into addictions

that even I myself am still working

612

through, even as a coach to this day.

613

I do realize that I am human, but yet

through that trauma, I will triumph.

614

Trauma in itself should not be the root

cause of what holds us back from the

615

unlimited potential and the awesome

abilities that we are harvesting, because

616

even if we feel ridiculed, objectified,

racial slurs and other condescending

617

comments that might push us down into a

completely different type of mindset, does

618

not excuse or define who we should be.

619

We should not let others push us into

that corner, because every time that we

620

are pushed into the corner, we need to

fight back, but it doesn't mean that we

621

use physical violence, or our own fists

for that matter, to make that happen.

622

I find it ironic even as I say that

because Leah's story is all about serving

623

and giving, but even if you think that the

military shouldn't have been the way that

624

she did it, let me challenge you on this.

625

What other occupation, what other field,

would make you feel like you were as

626

prepared as Leah was when she left,

because even if you understood the

627

independence factor of why she wanted

to lead, why she wanted to help others

628

and set goals, we have to understand

that things change, but the persona of

629

ourselves might not change, even when

everything else is moving in a direction

630

that it should be moving towards, and that

can be the biggest setback that anybody

631

could ever have, especially when it

comes to those self destructive thoughts,

632

so where is your place of healing,

going back to the original question?

633

Are you feeling worthy?

634

Are you able to find that place?

635

I find that even with the people that

will continue to have on the show, and

636

the people that have been here in the

past, one thing has remained clear.

637

The people that have been sharing

these tales are in a place of healing,

638

and continue to heal every single

time that they share their story,

639

even if they have overcome the odds,

or have celebrated their successes

640

here, one thing remains true.

641

They keep on wanting to come back, not

just to pad their paper because they can

642

say that they've been on Speaking From

The Heart, but they're trying to push

643

themselves in a new direction, maybe in

ways that they have never experienced

644

before, which is why I'll end with this.

645

Try something new.

646

Maybe it's something that you've already

tried, but it's been a number of years.

647

Try again.

648

It might be an opportunity to

expose something in your life that

649

you haven't tried before, but at

the same token, allows you to have

650

opportunities, even if you have done

it, to see what that new goal is.

651

Maybe it's something that now, you

are a lot older, a lot wiser, a lot

652

more mature for that matter, but

more importantly, you want to live

653

that experience for someone else.

654

Maybe you're helping them see

the best version of themselves.

655

For a long time, I've been desiring

relationships, confidence, and

656

determination to all come together for

me; to find a path forward, but I realized

657

that even for myself, it takes hard work.

658

It doesn't mean that I'm trying to

figure out my identity, or that I have

659

an identity crisis especially at 37

years of age, but it's allowing me to

660

understand that I can be able to test

new theories, new concepts, and even

661

retest those theories and concepts in a

whole new world, which is why I'm able

662

to speak behind this microphone and be

able to do something that I continue

663

to grow in, to continue to feel that

I belong, and more importantly, look

664

better on paper, but I have to scratch

out that last sentence, because it

665

isn't about what I look like on paper.

666

It's about pushing and extending myself

into a greater conviction that allows

667

empathy and compassion to overcome the

struggles that we all have, so overcome

668

those struggles, my fellow listeners.

669

Allow Leah's story to enter you into

ways in which you can do the hard things.

670

It can be as difficult as serving in

the armed forces, but be the light, be

671

the change for your family and friends,

because maybe your inspiration might do

672

something for a complete stranger like me,

to allow me and others to grow, and to the

673

best versions of themselves that they have

never seen before, and it was all because

674

that we overcame that place of negativity

and entered a place of healing, and that

675

might be the way in which we can overcome

not only that negative self talk, those

676

negative feelings about ourselves, but

more importantly, overcoming our trauma.

677

Thanks for listening to episode

number 146 of Speaking From the

678

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

679

Outro: Thanks for listening.

680

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

681

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

682

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

683

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

684

See you next time.