Have you ever left time with someone you love feeling emptier than when you arrived? In this heartfelt episode, Nina Pajonas explores the subtle “slow fade” of emotional distance—what she calls lazy, lukewarm love—and how to restore warmth and intimacy. Using vivid garden imagery (weeds vs. roses) and Scriptures like Revelation 3:15–16 and Revelation 2:4–5, Nina shows how neglect creeps in through small daily choices—and how small, intentional acts revive relationships with spouses, friends, and God. If you’ve felt the quiet drift, this conversation offers hope, language, and doable practices to rekindle connection.

If today’s message spoke to you, follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. If you’re looking for more inspiration, check out my book, From Broken to Butterfly, available now on Amazon. 

📩 Have questions or want to connect? Send me a DM on Instagram at Born To Be A Butterfly or email me at ninapajonas@gmail.com.

Have you ever spent time with someone you love but felt emptier when you left them?

I remember coming home one day after spending time with the man I loved.

Only I wasn't happy.

I was heartbroken.

I walked into my apartment,

sat on my bed and cried.

Because instead of feeling fulfilled by his presence,

instead of feeling joyful and loved,

I felt empty.

That day. I wrote a poem,

and I want to share it with you now.

Because it speaks to how love can begin to fade.

Something inside me died today.

You killed me again in your usual way.

It's nothing new.

Things you do.

I wait for it to change,

but it always remains the same.

A hundred little cuts made by the blade of your indifference.

And slowly my love for you bleeds to death.

We've all been there.

You wake up one day and realize your relationship isn't what it used to be.

Maybe it's your marriage,

maybe it's a friendship.

Or maybe it's your connection with God.

When love gets lazy,

it's not sudden.

It's a slow fade,

a quiet drift.

And it's dangerous because it's so subtle.

But the good news is that if you're aware of it,

you can repair it.

And we'll discuss how.

Welcome to Born to Be a Butterfly,

where we embrace healing, growth and transformation.

My name is Nina Pajones, and today's episode is when love gets recognizing and repairing emotional distance.

Let's start in the garden of love.

Because I think of love like a beautiful rose garden.

I think of love like a rose.

Maybe because it's my favorite flower,

but also because it's beautiful,

it's strong and resilient.

It can survive in very adverse conditions.

But like any flower,

it needs to be handled with care.

It needs attention and intention.

So does love.

It's very important to remember that whatever we focus on will grow what we give our attention to. We water.

Now,

if that water is loving and life giving,

the relationship will flourish.

But if it's selfish,

distracted or absent altogether,

resentment,

bitterness and disappointment will take root like weeds.

And left unchecked, they'll choke out everything good from your relationship.

When we stop showing gratitude consistently and we begin grumbling constantly,

there's a problem when we take each other for granted.

Instead of giving each other grace,

we have issues.

Love also gets stunted when the little things stop.

I once heard a story about a woman who knew her marriage was in trouble because one day the granola was gone.

Her husband used to go out of his way to buy her favorite, hard to find granola.

Just because.

Just because he loved her.

Just because he wanted to make her happy.

Just because he wanted her to have something that she truly enjoyed.

But one day she opened up the cabinet and it was gone.

It wasn't there.

And I know that it sounds silly,

but in that moment,

she said that she knew he had stopped trying because he had stopped caring.

And it broke her heart.

And it wasn't about the granola.

It was about the gesture,

the good and loving gesture that he had made for years,

that he was no longer making small,

thoughtful things sustain a relationship day in and day out.

Revelations 3:15 16 says,

I know your deeds,

that you're neither cold nor hot.

I wish you were one or the other.

So because you are lukewarm,

neither hot nor cold,

I'm about to spit you out of my mouth.

Jesus doesn't want lukewarm love.

Neither do we.

Lukewarm love is lazy love,

and lazy love doesn't last.

So how do we repair the relationship?

How do we ignite passion in our faith and in our relationships?

How do we find that fire again, that passion that we had just to be the best version of ourselves we could be for the people that we love,

or the best version of ourselves that we could be for God?

Because the lack of effort in any of those relationships is not good.

We communicate and listen to each other.

Everyone wants to feel seen and heard,

especially by their loved ones.

They don't want their feelings to be dismissed like they're an inconvenience.

It's important that we genuinely listen to each other,

that we listen to the needs and the concerns of the people that we love and then adjust our actions accordingly.

We can't just talk about it and then not implement change.

If that's the case,

we might as well not communicate at all.

It's adding insult on top of injury to ignore someone's needs after they've made them perfectly clear to you.

I believe the saying is an apology without a change in behavior is just manipulation.

I say this to say when we find ourselves confronted with the fact that we've been neglectful in a friendship or in a romantic relationship,

or if we feel convicted by God that we haven't spent enough time with him.

Because that's happened to me. It's happened to me on my walk. I've gotten so busy I've not made enough time for my prayer life.

Neglect can happen across the board in all of these relationships.

So when we're confronted about it,

we need to change our behavior.

We have to be intentional about paying Attention to the people that we love and their needs.

So in order to learn what they need and put it into practice, we have to listen.

We have to really listen and not get defensive when they say, hey,

this is bothering me,

or I just feel like you haven't made enough time for me.

Whatever the case is, whatever they're bringing to your attention,

or whatever you need to bring to someone else's attention,

you're allowed to, and they're allowed to. But what needs to happen is there needs to be a space that's created, a safe space where you can discuss those things,

be heard,

and then implement them moving forward.

We don't want to live in the problem,

we want to live in the solution.

So we must do our best not to take it personal.

When people bring these things to our attention,

we need to be thankful because they're allowing us the opportunity to correct it.

Because they love us that much and they want things to work well,

right? So again,

speak about what's bothering you, but don't stay there.

Speak about it and then decide a course of action moving forward that's going to make both people feel valued,

seen and heard.

That's living in the solution,

not the problem.

Actions speak far louder than words.

We have to put into action those things that we've agreed upon so that both people feel supported and tended to in the relationship.

And just like actions speak far louder than words,

faith without works is dead.

And the reason I say that is because that's what neglect in our spiritual relationship with the Lord looks like.

It looks like I profess my faith with my mouth,

but you'll never see it in my walk.

Revelation 2, 4, 5.

Yet I hold this against you.

You have forsaken the love you had at first.

Consider how you have fallen.

Repent and do the things you did at first.

This verse is a holy invitation.

Go back to what you did at first.

The scripture is telling you pray like you used to.

Speak with love, like you used to.

Serve with joy, like you used to.

Don't wait for the feeling to return.

Return to the doing.

Because love isn't just a feeling.

Love is a choice.

And it's an action in every relationship that we have.

But every good relationship starts with the relationship we have in Christ.

And if our relationship with Christ is healthy,

and if we are standing on the rock that is him,

then we're usually doing much better in our other relationships as well.

Because every good thing flows from the Father and the Son and comes from the Holy Spirit.

If your love feels like it's becoming lazy,

distant,

or worn thin.

You're not alone.

You can revive it,

you can restore it,

you can reignite it.

But you have to be intentional.

And don't forget this.

The weeds will grow if you don't pull them,

but so will the roses if you water them well.

Which brings me to another story.

I'm telling a lot of stories today because they're all examples of how easy it is to be forgetful and neglectful in our relationships.

And it doesn't make us bad people,

and it doesn't make the people who have done it to us bad people.

It just means we lost track.

It just means perhaps that life got a little too busy and we got a little too careless.

But it doesn't mean that we don't care.

We just have to recommit ourselves to be consistent in the way that we're caring about those people and those relationships.

So my final story is that,

ironically enough, I am guilty of not watering and not paying enough attention to my favorite plant.

And this is a plant that I've had since the beginning of my recovery journey.

I mean, I think I was about three months sober when I got this plant. And it wasn't even a plant. It was a sprig.

It was like a sprig in a styrofoam cup, I kid you not, with soil in it.

And I got it at a barbecue,

a 12 step barbecue that I had gone to with my sponsor,

and they were giving away these styrofoam cups with soil in it and a sprig of a plant. What plant it was, I don't know.

And to be quite honest with you, to this day, I don't even know that I know exactly what kind of plant she is.

I think I looked it up once on one of those, like, plant apps where it identifies and tells you what the plant is. But I can't remember. For the life of me, I couldn't remember that.

But I will say it's a hardy plant because I do not have a green thumb.

That is not one of my spiritual gifts or whatever. It's just not a talent of mine whatsoever.

So the fact that she has survived as long as she has is a testimony of her strength and God's goodness,

because there's no logical reason that that plant should still be alive to this day.

But I'm so glad that she has because she means so much to me.

This plant is such a symbol of my journey in recovery and in Christ.

But I'm sad to say that you wouldn't always know it because there are times there. There have been seasons where I've just.

I've neglected her.

And then there have been other seasons where I've just watered her maybe too much, that maybe I gave her too much water. I think one season, I gave her too much water, and I almost drowned her.

But again, she just.

She managed to survive.

I.

I just feel so blessed by this plant. And anyway,

I say this all to say there was a time I put her in this spot,

and she just wasn't doing well.

You know, she wasn't flourishing the way she should.

I just wasn't being mindful of how she was doing.

I mean, I would notice that she didn't look as healthy,

right? I would notice that her leaves looked like they were drying up, and she just didn't look as vibrant or she wasn't growing as long as she normally would. All those things.

I would see it,

I would look at it,

but I wouldn't do anything about it.

I just kind of thought to myself, well,

she'll perk up when I get around to giving her some more water again.

But this one time,

she didn't come back to life.

She just finally died.

And I was heartbroken. I'm not gonna lie. I cried.

I cried over the plant because she had been through so much with me.

I had moved with her on my journey multiple times.

I mean,

she'd just been through everything with me. And she started as a sprig, and then she became this, like,

I mean, overwhelmingly long and beautiful plant. And she just kept growing and growing. I mean, I had to keep trimming her. My mother kept trimming her. She was like.

My mother actually said it to me one day,

and she didn't even know how I felt about the plant.

My stepmother told me. She said,

every time I look at that plan, I think of you.

She said,

I think of you because I feel like every time you grow on your journey, she grows.

And I started crying when my mother said that to me,

because I felt the same exact way about the plan.

And that's why I named her Evie, because my stepmother's name is Evelyn. And I was like, she needs to be named after you, because you get it.

You know, you get her importance to me.

So back to the story.

I was upset because Evie had died, and I knew it was my fault.

And I was so angry at myself because I thought to myself,

that plant has been through everything with you,

and that's what you treated her like.

You treated her like she was just some inconsequential little plant you picked up at publix that, you know, holds no significance,

no importance. You treated her like.

Like nothing.

Because I had.

It's like I lost sight of what was important. I lost sight of. Of the fact that she was incredibly important to me and that she was incredibly significant to me.

And she was indicative of the transformation that God had performed in me and my life.

Like, I feel like she was a gift from God. I really do. And I don't care if anybody thinks that's silly. I. I don't.

That's what she was. And I didn't treat her well,

so she had died.

And then.

I truly do believe that God moved someone's heart.

Someone whom I would never expect to do something so wonderful for me. Not because the person or the woman wasn't a wonderful woman. She was. She was very kind. She was a very sweet woman.

But she was an acquaintance to me. She wasn't like a great friend or a best friend. She was an acquaintance.

I think she knew that I was really upset that I lost Evie.

And I think she also realized I was going through a difficult season and I really needed a pick me up,

a spiritual pick me up, an emotional pick me up, a mental pick me up.

And she was kind enough to find.

I can't to this day believe it. She found a piece of Evie on the. Like, in the grass below her pot.

It was like a little sprig, just the way Evie started.

That's the way she explained it to me. She found a little sprig of Evie,

and it still looked alive.

So she planted it and she tended to it and so on, so forth. And before you knew it,

that little piece of Evie came back to life and became a big Evie again. She grew and grew and grew, just like she did.

Just like she did when I first got her.

Now that I think about was like, the rebirth of Evie and I. I couldn't thank that woman enough. And to this day,

whether or not she realizes it,

she is so incredibly dear to my heart because of that.

Because she did not have to do that,

but she did it. And there I was earlier today, looking at Evie, and I realized I hadn't given her enough water.

But she was still trying to sprout a beautiful flower,

and she was still vibrant in other areas. But I saw. I saw the signs of my neglect,

and I was like, really, Nina?

Are you daring to do this again? Are you daring to neglect this beautiful plant that is so special to you again?

Are you really going to do that again,

it's so easy to take the things we love for granted.

In this case. I know you're thinking it's a plan and I get it. I know,

but I mean,

it's so easy to take things for granted,

to take people for granted,

to take our relationships for granted,

to take God for granted.

Not that we should,

but it's easy to do. If we're not mindful, if we're not self aware, if we're not remembering what's truly important in life,

it's easy to think that the person is always going to be there.

They're never going to leave you,

they're never going to get fed up.

But it's not true.

We can't fool ourselves to think that that type of behavior is going to be acceptable for a long time and not have serious consequences.

We can't pretend that we can neglect other people's feelings for that long and it now become a serious issue for them.

So we have to be mindful, we have to be self aware. We have to remember to be intentional and take care of the needs of our loved ones.

And like I said,

it's in the details,

it's in the little things.

It doesn't have to be the grand vacation once a year that you always take.

That's not the thing.

It's the day to day things.

The sweet, incredibly thoughtful ways that you can show you care about that person or that relationship.

That's what makes the difference.

It's the time spent,

it's the effort put in.

Before we close in prayer,

I want to leave you with a few questions to sit with this week.

If you have a journal nearby, you might want to write these things down.

The first question is,

where in your life has love grown lazy?

Is it in a relationship,

in your faith walk,

or both?

Take your time,

think about it and answer that. Question number two.

What small act of love have you stopped doing that you used to do that really mattered?

I'm sure if you think about it,

you'll know exactly which one you've let go of.

Then the next part of that question is,

how can you bring it back this week?

How can you implement it? How can you reintroduce it into your relationship?

Whether it is your friendship,

whether it's a romantic relationship,

or whether it's your relationship with the Lord?

For example, if it's a friendship,

have you not called them as often?

Well,

if that's the case, can you make it a point to call them this week?

Set aside a day and a time,

put it on your calendar and make it a point to give them a call to check in to let them know that you're thinking about them.

If it's a romantic relationship,

think of something small that you used to do on a daily basis that you know they really enjoyed, they really liked. They told you they loved it, it made them feel special.

Think about it.

Usually people let you know when they truly enjoy a thoughtful gesture.

So think back.

Think back to what that was and try doing it again this week.

No grand ceremony, no I want a pat on the back. You know, nothing like that. Just do it.

Do it because you want them to feel that way again.

Number three Ask yourself Are you showing up with intention or are you just going through the motions?

Take a few minutes today to think about the person you've been feeling distanced from.

Write down three qualities that you genuinely admire about them.

Don't rush it.

Let it come from a real place.

Then tell them.

Speak life into them.

Send a text,

write a note,

or say it out loud the next time that you're together.

Words of affirmation are like water to the heart and soul.

And sometimes that one kind word can shift everything.

Remember,

we don't just wait for love to grow,

we nurture it.

We nurture it with grace,

with gratitude,

and with attention.

Now I'd like to pray over you.

God,

thank you for the gift of love.

Thank you for its beauty, joy, strength and resilience.

Forgive us for the moments we let it grow lazy.

Forgive us for the times we've gone quiet instead of leaning in.

Help us to speak life,

to choose love on purpose and to show up with grace.

Let our words water the dry places and breathe life back into what feels worn and make it wonderful again.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Thank you for listening to Born to Be a Butterfly.

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And don't forget,

you can grab my book From Broken to Butterfly on Amazon.

Until next time.

Remember,

the Lord can turn your wounds into wings.

You were born to be a butterfly.