Author, speaker, business coach and podcast host Christy Wright covers the importance of saying "no", disappointing the RIGHT people, choosing between popular and effective, and why balance doesn’t mean 50/50.

I'm so excited to introduce to you Christy Wright.

And she is inspiring and enthusiastic. She educates and

entertains audiences all across the country. She speaks at

business conferences, fortune 500 companies, some of America's

top universities. And so Christy, I'm so excited to have

you thank you for being here.

Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I

appreciate it.

So, you know, when we talk about time management, why do

you think that is so important today? Why is that whole

conversation such a big deal?

Well, you know, it's interesting in the last few

years, and speaking on this topic, it's such a pain point

for people, it's just something that we're struggling with, in

every industry, every demographic, every age, every

generation, it doesn't matter, the gender, anything we're all

struggling with, how to deal with our time and how to manage

it. Because we never seem to have enough for everything that

we want to do. And I think one of the real challenges is that

we don't realize just how finite it is, you can get more of

anything in life that you want. Except time, you can earn more

money, you can gain more relationships, you can buy more

stuff. But regardless of how much power or money or family

have in your lifetime, you cannot have a single minute more

than every other person has, which is exactly 24 hours in a

day. So when we think about just how finite our time there, you

start to realize how incredibly valuable I one thing we can't

get more of, so that it's more important that we really make

sure we're putting it in the best places the right prices,

and using it in a way that's gonna be the most effective for

what the results we want to get.

If time is finite. And it's the one thing that we all

have the same amount of and you can't create more of them. Why

do you think some people accomplish more things and

influence more people? So what's the explanation for that?

Well, I think how we manage it is definitely a

big differentiator for our success, we have to keep in mind

to everyone's version of success is very different. So someone

that is a high achiever will have different goals than

someone that is like, you know, who just wants to have a small

people live in a small town and not have accomplishments or

accolades, or they're, they value different things. And so,

our brothers and our success will really determine how we how

we handle our time, but because time is so finite, we all have

the same amount, then how we handle that really determines

our ability to be our version of successful. And so when you look

at it that way, you start thinking, okay, how can I manage

this in a way? That's going to get me to the results that I

want to get to you? And what's interesting is, there's a great

quote by Warren Buffett, where he says the difference between

successful people and very successful people, is that very

successful people say no, to almost everything. And I would

say to answer your question, what's the difference between

our ability to be successful with our time, it really comes

down to our ability to say no, because when we can't say no to

things that, you know, demands and opportunities and guilt sets

and things people have indicated to them, we live our lives for

other people. And we don't end up intentionally creating it on

purpose, creating a schedule on purpose proactively to get out

all we're achieving everyone else's results. And so I think

it comes down to the ability to say no, and whether or not we're

going to use that time, in the way that we want to reach our

goals.

So, when it comes to saying no, and I really think

about that, a lot of times we know, you know, we get asked to

do something, we really don't want to do it. And we feel this,

we feel this guilt, what would you say to somebody who

struggles with, you know, saying no, and, and the guilt or the

fear that they may be sealed to go, I really want to say no, but

I'm having a hard time doing it.

I think the reality is that we have a kid or

a to believe that, you know, somehow we can prove everyone

and now that we intellectually understand that we can't, but we

decide to, and that's where that comes from wanting to say yes,

and please that person versus do the right thing. And say no, but

it's not the lesson for you. But the reality is, if we can

understand that you will always disappoint people, because your

time, your money and your energy of finite, you're always gonna

have to make choices. And so leadership is really about

making the right choices. And when we realize that you're

going to disappoint people in leadership, you will disappoint

people that is a fact. But the key is just disappointing to

white people. And if you discern that to understand, I'm gonna

say yes to this situation, because this is the right

decision for me and for my business and while I'm doing my

goal, then you have a little bit more profit In order to say no

to that person, because you're focused more on here yet, this

is so that I can say yes to this thing versus just feeling the

guilt of saying no to this other person, or really, I mean, all

leaders, and everyone in general, we want, we want to

make people happy, we don't want to disappoint people. But I

think we realized that we're saying no, in order to say yes

to something better, and something will work for us and

get focused on the guests. And that makes it a little bit

easier to do that. You need to decide and leadership, do you

want to be popular? Or do you want to be effective? Because

you can speak and you can be popular to make everyone happy

to say, Yes, everyone is happy, everyone says, but you're not

going to be effective. And if you're gonna be effective,

sometimes that involves saying no, and doing the right thing

for the greater good of the business and the gold and the

copper, or yourself personally. But that leads to more effective

leader, possibly less popular at times, which is hard, but in the

long run, everyone will benefit when you're more effective.

Yeah. So how do we avoid overcrowding the schedule?

Well this is a problem for a lot of people

because it's just so normal our culture, as a culture, we are

maxed out, or maxed out, our credit cards were maxed out our

time and our commitment, we were burning the candle at both ends.

And this is just the normal day to day, or people stand around

the watercooler and talk about just how little sleep they got

that night before, almost like it's a badge of honor, and how

hard we work, how long we work, how much we have going on how

many errands etc. But the reality is, is that felt what

leads to a productive or even fulfilling life, because it's

not sustainable long term, you're not going to be as

effective or productive at work if you maintain that long term.

And so really, the idea of just to avoid overcrowding, your

schedule is to create margin. So you want to create pockets of

time. And it's not a prescription of it has to be

this amount of hours. But you need to have some margin and

some cushion in your time, just like we teach people with the

life account. You don't want to live paycheck to paycheck, you

need some cushion and savings and some margin to fall back on

with your energy. And that's true with your time. I wrote an

article on my blog about this a couple months ago. But what if

we just treated our schedule and our energy a little bit

differently, where we stopped before we were completely burnt

out exhausted, where we called out moments of time, whether

that's an hour or 20 minutes or an entire day, where we didn't

allow any commitments to come in. And then we're able to focus

on rest and recovery and hobbies, and their families. And

some of the things that time when we went back, we were

actually more productive and effective. But the way that we

operate right now, if I have five extra minutes that try to

crowbar something else in and write a blog real quick or catch

up with someone or make a call. It's like we don't have to

operate that way. And we'll actually be more effective if we

can create some space and margin. It doesn't make sense

logically, because we think, Oh, I could be getting more done.

But essentially, those pockets of time is what's going to

enable you to be more effective long term and be more

sustainable for the long haul and leadership, when the demands

are back continue to increase. You can't be creative, when

you're exhausted. There's no room for new possibilities.

There's no room for spontaneity, where you and your wife just

want to go off on a trip or hey, let's go to this new random

website. There's no room for so many wonderful things in life,

like creative creativity and rest and rejuvenation, and

recovery and new possibilities, innovation, all the things that

are in space, and stuff we never allow there to be unbelievable

or in or faith in, we're missing out on all those awesome things

in life that also enrich our business and ourselves

personally.

So you talk about boundaries, what do you see is

the connection between boundaries and your calendar?

I think when you set a boundary, and these, these

are absolutely its guidelines. But when you set a boundary, it

really helps you decide in advance. And when you make

decisions in advance, it takes away so much of the mental angst

of trying to decide in the moment, every single time an

opportunity, or a request comes up where you've got that pool of

water for No, but I feel like I need to say yes, and you've got

this mental anxiety going on. If you have a few boundaries that

are in place, that you go ahead, and you have already decided in

advance that the pressure off of you where you can rely on that

boundary because it made the decision for you. So I'll give

you an example. Sunday night or night that my husband and I have

perfected since the beginning since we even date it and it's

just upon that we set aside and we said, with very few

exceptions. This is the night that we're gonna have together.

We don't do anything exciting. We do laundry and just get up

and hang out and get ready for the week. It's not a very

exciting time, but it's our time that has protected that time

that we can count on together. So anytime anyone asks me to do

anything on Sunday night, I don't even have to think about

it. Making that decision is effortless. I'm like oh no, I'm

sorry. That's That's awesome. My husband and I, and what Doug

later this really protects our priorities and it keeps life's

endless demands from chipping away at those because you have

this protected does. Now of course exceptions come up this

last week. I flew out on Sunday because I was going to

Connecticut to speak have been doing media and then go to

Philadelphia and We didn't have yesterday. So there's gonna be a

few exceptions, it's not rigid and absolute, but for the

majority of the time, that the time that he and I can tell him

and it's a great boundary that makes decision making effortless

on you, which is what you need when you're already in so high

demand, people get caught up in this idea of okay things as

being I'm gonna supposed to work 50% of the time and be at home

50% of the time, and no, that's not realistic. That's not the

world that we live in. It's not how we function. And so I tell

people, it's really not about a 5050 split, it's about being

100% present, when you're at work, work hard, be there be

focus, when you're at home, put the phone down, close the

computer and be present for the people and the moments and the

memories that are happening, right and five years. Life

Balance is not about giving everything an equal amount of

time. It's about giving the right things at the right time.

And so there's going to be seasons where you want more. So

it's good to have an ebb and a flow. But people get caught up

in this prescription of it have to have this equation that

equals balance. Well, it's really not that it's really just

carving out time for the right thing for you, and giving them

attention at the right time in your life, when that makes

sense.

So, you know, one of the things that's just heartbreaking

for me is when people you know, they have kids, and they feel so

like helpless, like oh my gosh, how do I keep up with a spouse?

And my job and I have kids and all this sort of stuff? Do you

have? Have you seen any any sort of common characteristics or

traits of people that really do that effectively?

Yeah, I think it comes back to kind of what we

were just saying, there's no one right? I have prescription for

it. But here's one of the things I have identified, the people

that are the most fulfilled and have that sense of balance,

meaning they just they feel he's looking self, if that equal

split of things, but they just feel pretty good about the way

that their life looks up. People spend all their time, or at

least the far majority of their time, on things that are

important to them. And they don't do things that unimportant

to them. Where the opposite is also true. The people that they

may have families, they have jobs and their federal maybe,

you know, they may manage their schedule well. But when they

spend their time on things that they don't care about, just like

you and I was saying they go to this place want to go to, they

take on projects they shouldn't take on, they take on other

people's problems and responsibilities are not there.

They quickly get stressed, quickly get exhausted and

anxious and frustrated, because they're doing things that are

not important to them. So your decision making paradigm is, do

they need me and can I do it, and you spend all of your time

for someone else, you will get stressed and frustrated and feel

Alabama out of balance, even if you have all the time in the

world. But you can be incredibly busy and incredibly productive

and you could have a lot of things on your plate. But if

those things are all important to you, then you have a little

bit more sense of balance because you're not wasting time

just trying to fill fill everyone else's needs and

pleasing other people. You know that what you're doing actually

gives you energy and joy because you chose our purpose versus

reacting to someone else. Someone else's demands of you.

I love that. So Christy, thank you so much for being

here. We wish you the very best.

I appreciate it.