BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
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Transcripts
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here.
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I think we don't give nearly enough credit to changing our minds. There are some things we seem to believe we're supposed to be consistent about: our opinions, our preferences, our plans, our relationships, our ambitions, even our personalities. Once we've said, "This is what I think," or "This is who I am," there can be a really strange pressure to stick with it. Because what if someone remembers, "Oh, but Sarah, you always said — " Well, yes, I did, but the thing is, now I don't. And I think there is something incredibly freeing about recognizing that we're allowed to change our minds. We're human beings; we're supposed to change our minds.
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We were not wrong before. We've got new information, or a new way of seeing things, or a different life experience behind us. We've grown, and we've noticed things we didn't notice before. Maybe we've discovered that something we thought would make us happy doesn't. Or maybe something we were certain we'd never want has turned out to be exactly what we did need. Changing your mind doesn't mean you don't know yourself. Maybe it means you're getting to know yourself.
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We've had quite a lot of time to gather evidence about ourselves. We know what drains us, we know what energizes us, we know which friendships feel good and which ones feel us leaving like we've just run a marathon. We know what kind of environments we enjoy, what we value, what we can tolerate, and, increasingly, what we really can't be bothered with anymore. And yet, we can still feel strangely bound by decisions made by a younger version of ourselves. I've never been a morning person. I don't do exercise. I need a drink to relax. I've always been this way. Well, have you? Have you really? Or is it simply the story you've been telling because it used to be true?
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It's interesting, isn't it? Sometimes we hold on to these descriptions of ourselves for years without stopping to check whether they still fit. We keep repeating them. They're part of who we are, fixed, almost. And then when we want to do something differently, it can feel as though we're going against the fabric of who we are. But what if we just haven't updated our description of ourselves?
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My own relationship with alcohol is a good example of this. There was a time when drinking was simply part of my life. I thought it was something I'd always do. And then I decided to experiment with taking a year off alcohol, and my experience changed my mind. I discovered things about myself that I hadn't known before. I discovered that I could enjoy myself without drinking, that I could cope with difficult feelings without reaching for alcohol, and that I actually preferred many aspects of my life without it. And that was quite the eye-opener.
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I had a phrase: "If I stop drinking, I'll be lonely, miserable, and boring." It was a story that I told over and over in the two and a half years when I was deciding whether I was going to stop drinking for a year or not. It turned out not to be true for me. I mean, you might think I'm lonely, miserable, or boring, but that's a whole other podcast episode.
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We can spend a surprising amount of energy trying to remain consistent with decisions we've made in the past. Perhaps we don't want to look foolish. Perhaps we're worried about what other people will think. Or maybe we've simply become so accustomed to doing things a particular way that we haven't considered another possibility. But you are allowed to gather new evidence. You're allowed to discover that your preferences have changed. You're allowed to look at something you've been doing for years and decide you'd like to try a different approach.
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You don't need to justify a huge legal case to make it happen. You don't need to maintain an old opinion simply because you've expressed it publicly once before. You don't need to keep doing something because you've always done it. And you don't need to remain loyal to a version of yourself who made a decision with the information that you had at the time. You can update. You can reconsider. You can say, "Actually, I've changed my mind about that."
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And perhaps instead of seeing that as inconsistency, we could see it as evidence that we're paying attention to the life that we're living right now. Because you're not a finished project. You are a person having experiences, gathering information, and figuring things out as you go, forever, forever and ever.
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Is there anything in your life that you're continuing to do simply because you've always done it right now? Is there an opinion you're holding onto because you've told everyone it's what you believe? And what might happen if you gave yourself permission to reconsider?
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You don't have to make a dramatic announcement, and you don't need to explain yourself to everyone. You can simply decide that something no longer fits. And if someone says to you, "But you always said — " you can smile and tell them, "Yes, I did, and now I don't." If something no longer fits, you're allowed to change your mind, even if you've told everyone the opposite. Maybe especially if you've told everyone the opposite.
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Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. Check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with your 5 p.m. cravings, and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.
