Too many women are settling for half-love, mixed signals, and emotional crumbs, not because they don’t know better, but because they’ve been taught to prove their worth instead of protect it.

In this bold, honest note, Yaya breaks down why women confuse attention with affection, why loving harder doesn’t fix broken patterns, and how low self-esteem quietly keeps women stuck in situations that drain their confidence.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

1. Why settling feels safer than walking away (and why it’s costing you your peace)
2. 
   
3. The difference between attention and real affection
4. 
   
5. How past conditioning teaches women to earn love instead of receive it
6. 
   
7. Why loving someone harder doesn’t make them show up better
8. 
   
9. How to step into the identity of a woman who knows she’s the prize
10. 
    

This note is a wake-up call for any woman who’s been shrinking, settling, or waiting to be chosen.

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe so you never miss a note.

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Hey, girl.

Hey.

Welcome back to Notes to her, the daily pep talk.

I'm Yaya your confidence in mindset hoes.

Here to help you stop settling.

Stop.

Stop shrinking, and finally show up like the woman that you were always meant to be.

Now, today's note.

Oh, this one comes straight from the conversations that I've been having with my girls lately.

Conversations about love worth settling, and the way women bend themselves for partners who wouldn't even bend an inch for them.

And I felt like you needed this message too, because I've been seeing a lot of women acting out in desperation and.

And giving their all when it's really undeserving.

Now, the funny thing is, I actually recorded this episode two weeks ago, but I had to come back and rerecord it because the conversations that I was having was getting so good.

There was more that I wanted to add to this note because before you give your heart, your energy, and your loyalty to somebody, you really need to remember who you are.

So this note is about knowing your place in your own life and refusing to be anybody's backup plan.

Now, before we really get into it, I need you to do something for me.

If you're multitasking right now, cooking, driving.

Okay, maybe not driving, because I need you to focus on the road and be safe.

But if you're folding laundry, scrolling, half listening, I want you to pause, sit down if you can, unclench your jaw, take a deep breath, and then let out a good sigh and give me the next 12 to 13 minutes of your full, undivided attention.

This one is a little bit longer than the others because this is not a play in the background or listen while you scroll kind of note.

This is a real conversation.

The con you have with your closest friend when she looks you dead in the eyes and says, I love you too much to keep letting you do this to yourself.

We're about to talk about the energy that you are not taking into the new year because you cannot carry the same standards, the same excuses, the same self abandonment into a new chapter and expect a different life.

And if that makes you uncomfortable already, that's okay, because growth usually is.

Now, before we go any further, I want to say this note is not about shaming you.

It's not about blaming you for your past choices.

It's not about making you feel behind or foolish.

If you love deeply, that doesn't make you weak.

If you want partnership, that doesn't make you desperate.

And if you've stayed too long before, that doesn't make you stupid.

It just makes you human.

But loving hard without boundaries will drain you.

And wanting love without self worth will cost you.

So I'm here to remind you about loving yourself enough to stop settling.

It's about deciding right now that you are no longer available for relationships, situationships or dynamics that drain you, confuse you, or make you question your worth.

You don't have to have it all figured out.

You don't have to know who you're becoming yet.

But you do have to decide what you're done tolerating.

Now, what I say next might sting you a little bit, but it's said with love.

I see a lot of women who are forgetting who they are lately.

Forgetting their worth, forgetting their value.

And a lot of that comes from low self esteem and shaky confidence.

Even when it looks like they have it all together, they start believing a man has to choose them for them to feel worthy.

They lower their standards just to keep someone who barely shows up.

They accept crumbs because rejection feels scarier than loneliness.

And before you think that's not me, let me be honest with you.

I love hard.

I used to believe that if I love somebody deeply enough, if I showed up enough, if I was patient enough, forgiving enough, understanding enough, he would finally see how worthy I was and step up to be the man that I needed him to be.

I thought that love was something that you had to earn, something that you had to prove.

But here's what I learned the hard way.

Loving someone else harder does not fix anything.

It taught me how much I was willing to abandon myself to keep someone.

And when I truly learned to love myself, I learned how to set boundaries.

And once I had boundaries, everything became clear.

If a man couldn't treat me the way that I deserved, he could not be my man.

Not because I love deeply, not because I'm cold or guarded, but because I refuse to make space for someone who only shows up halfway.

And if someone can't treat you the way that you deserve, they shouldn't get access to you.

Period.

So you might be asking, why does this cycle happen so much?

First, you've probably been taught to prove that you're worthy.

Be agreeable, be patient, Be understanding.

Be right or die.

Meanwhile, who's writing for you?

Now?

This next one I also see a lot.

Women confuse attention with affection.

And this one runs deep.

Because when you've gone years without feeling truly seen, when you've been emotionally neglected in childhood or past relationships, when you're used to crumbs, the bare minimum can feel like a feast.

Well, let me be real with you.

A good morning text should not feel like a miracle.

When you've been emotionally starving, anything looks like a meal.

Third, you start believing that being chosen is the prize, but choosing yourself will always be the real flex.

Now, I'm not telling you to be single forever.

That is not the assignment.

Because most of us want partnership.

But choose a partner who treats you like a queen.

Someone who cherishes you, someone who invests in you, someone who actually wants to learn you and continue doing it.

Now, I saw a thread recently that warms my heart, and it was about people, men and women, sharing notes that they kept in their phone of their partners for their partners, likes and dislikes, allergies, favorite foods, places to go.

Like that is true effort.

So do not settle for scraps just for the sake of being alone.

Because, listen, you can be miserable by yourself, but being miserable with somebody else is 10 times worse.

Now, the last thing you might be saying is, well, I'm scared because if I walk away, that means that I'm starting over.

Starting over is scary.

I'm not even gonna lie to you about that.

But being at war with someone who claims to love you, that will destroy your peace, your mental health, your confidence, and your spirit.

And the crazy thing is, you may not even realize it, but starting over with your self respect intact is always better than staying with someone who chips it away.

Trust me on this one.

Based on conversations that I've had with clients, friends, and women that I've mentored, here's what I see.

Women aren't settling because they don't know better.

They're settling because they hope better will come from the person they've chosen.

Some feel like their time is running out.

Some feel like, well, this is the best that I can do.

Some feel like they should be grateful that someone wants them at all.

And that right there, that is the womb.

I see women pour into men who gave them half effort, give loyalty to men who couldn't even spell commitments, and build with men who weren't even building themselves.

And every time the woman says, I just thought if I loved him harder, he'd love me better.

Girl, listen.

Loving someone harder does not heal what they refuse to fix.

It does not make a broken man whole.

It does not make a detached man present.

And it does not make an inconsistent man consistent.

Your love doesn't cure wounds.

Someone refuses to acknowledge.

And then there's that woman that convinces herself, well, at least he talks to me.

At least he comes back.

Sis.

Crumbs are Not a meal.

You deserve consistency.

You deserve clarity.

You deserve reciprocity.

You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation.

And if he can't do that, he has already shown you his capacity.

So believe him.

Though somewhere deep down, there's a part of you that doesn't fully believe that you are the prize.

There's a part of you that thinks that love has to be earned.

Where does that come from?

Maybe the woman who raised you stayed with men who treated them badly.

Maybe you watched your mother or grandmother make themselves feel small.

Maybe you were taught to sacrifice and survive, to be strong, to hold everything together.

Maybe you grew up seeing women love men who didn't love them the same.

And whether you realized it or not, you learned.

Loving means proving myself.

Loving means surviving pain.

Loving means staying even when it hurts.

But please hear me clearly when I say this.

Healthy love is not earned.

Healthy love is received.

And here's a plot twist.

If a boundary makes someone leave, that's not loss, that's protection.

You're not asking too much.

You're just asking the wrong person.

Now here's where everything shifts and how you step into the identity of a woman who is worthy of healthy, steady, steady, consistent love.

Stop auditioning for roles that you already qualify for.

You don't have to prove your partner material.

You already are.

The right man will see that without you performing.

Stop personalizing someone else's lack.

His inconsistency is not about your worth.

It's about his capacity.

Make your self respect non negotiable.

If something costs you your peace, your self esteem, your identity, it's too expensive.

Put it back and then walk away.

The first time your soul whispers, this ain't it.

Not the seventh time, not after the ninth apology, not after the third.

I promise I will change.

Because your intuition never lies.

You just stop listening to it.

Now one more thing before I close this out.

A man might replace your presence, but remember, he will never replace your essence.

There's only one you.

There's only one woman with your softness, your strength, your spirit, your mind.

So if he fumbles that, that's his story, not yours.

And another thing.

A man being interested in someone else does not make you less.

It just means that he was never your equal and God removed him so that you wouldn't have to shrink to fit someone too small.

Now, here's the energy that I want you to carry into the new year.

Remember that you are the one.

Not the two.

Not the backup plan, not the secret, not the almost, not the option, but the one and only.

And when you finally start living your life like that, your entire life shifts.

Remember, loving yourself more in the New Year does not mean becoming cold.

It does not mean shutting down your heart.

It does not mean pretending that you don't want to love, partnership or connection.

It means you stop auditioning for people who should already be showing up.

It means you stop explaining your worth.

It means you stop shrinking to be chosen.

And if this all started something up in you, if it made you feel seen, called out, emotional, or quietly determined, I need you to do two things for me.

First, make sure that you are subscribed to this podcast because the next two notes before the New Year, they are a must hear if you want to enter the New Year with confidence.

Because we're going to be talking about reflection, identity and who you are choosing to be moving forward and I don't want you to miss out on those conversations.

And secondly, promise yourself this.

You are not walking into the New Year still accepting less than you deserve.

Not in love, not in how you're treated, and not in how you speak to yourself.

This year may not have gone how you planned, but the next one will not be built on.

Suddenly you deserve better and you are finally ready to demand it.

So if this no hit home for you, make sure you share it with another woman who needs this reminder too.

Because none of us are meant to shrink our way into love.