In this episode, I dive deep into the importance of understanding the reasons behind our actions and their impact on our lives. I'll explain the significance of aligning our reasons with our values to ensure long-term motivation and integrity.

Listen in as I share examples that I'm sure you can relate to, like weight loss and business building, to illustrate how the right reasons can lead to more meaningful and sustainable results. I'll also give you practical exercises to help you evaluate and adjust your own reasons to better support your goals. Tune in for insights and inspiration on how to navigate the highs and lows of building a business with purpose and passion!

Download my free guide to getting your coaching business up and running in ONE weekend.

Ready to work together? Schedule a call to explore your goals and learn how I can help you.

00:47 Understanding Our Reasons

01:57 The Impact of Different Reasons

02:58 Aligning Reasons with Values

05:17 Examples and Personal Stories

06:03 Three Key Benefits of Liking Your Reasons

11:53 Integrity in Business and Personal Life

14:40 Practical Exercises and Final Thoughts

21:27 Conclusion and Next Steps

You're listening to episode

56 of burning brightly.

2

Do you like your reasons?

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This is Burning Brightly, a podcast

for Christian moms who are feeling

4

called to build a business and

share their light with the world.

5

I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, a life coach,

mom, and entrepreneur, and I'm honored

6

to be your guide as you face this

business building adventure full of

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highs, lows, and everything in between.

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This is where we help each

other find the courage to shine.

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Hello friends.

10

Welcome back.

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If you were listening on a podcast

app, just know that this audio

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is coming from a YouTube video.

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You can find me over on my YouTube

channel, youtube.com/bonnie whiskey,

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but I am doing a lot more over there.

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And so come join me if you want

to see my face, otherwise, keep

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listening on your podcast app.

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But that is how we're

doing things nowadays.

18

So today.

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We are going to be talking about

the reasons that we do things,

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the reasons behind our actions

and why they matter so very much.

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So to start off, I always love to

give you a definition, especially when

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we're talking about a very specific

word and the definition for the word

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reason is a basis or a cause for

some belief action event, et cetera.

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So a basis or a cause is

what we're talking about.

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It's also an objective,

an aim or a purpose.

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So sometimes reason is kind of a softer

word, but I think the word objective

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or purpose is a much heavier word.

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So those I'm going to use kind of

interchangeably today when we're talking

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about our reasons behind things, we're

also going to be talking about our

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objective or our purpose for doing

and saying and thinking certain ways.

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Okay.

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Now, remember the model that

I've taught you guys before

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the head heart hands model.

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It goes like this, something happens.

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We think a thought, we feel a

feeling because of that thought.

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And then we take action

and we get a result.

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All right.

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So just like different thoughts

can create similar results.

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I'll give you an example in a minute.

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Different reasons and our life

can also create similar results,

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but there's still a difference.

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So let me give you an example.

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I might want to lose weight.

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Now there are a million different

reasons why you might want to lose

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weight, but let's just talk about two.

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One might be, I want to

look amazing in a swimsuit.

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Another potential reason could be, I want

to lose weight to get and feel healthier.

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Okay.

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Two different reasons.

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I want to look amazing.

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Wanna feel better?

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Now these models would start

with different thoughts, right?

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Something like I want to lose weight

to feel better, or I want to lose

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weight to look amazing regardless.

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They would probably yield the same result.

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I would probably feel motivated.

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I would probably avoid

sugar and go to the gym.

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And I would likely lose weight

and meet my goal of either

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looking good or feeling better.

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But what I want to point out is

that they are not the same.

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Having different reasons

does make an impact on us.

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And I want us to be very clear about

what our reasons are because they matter.

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Now, some people might disagree with me.

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They might say who the heck

cares, what our reason is.

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As long as we get the result we want,

as long as I lose the weight, who cares

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if I want to do it because I wanna look

amazing in a bikini versus I want to

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do it because I want to avoid diabetes.

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Does it really matter?

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I think it does.

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I'm going to give you three reasons why

it does matter, because I think that

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on a subconscious level, And when the

going gets tough, it's going to be very

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difficult to duplicate the same results.

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As we had before, if we

don't really like our reason.

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So we're going to get really clear on

what our reasons are for things and how to

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change them if we don't like them, because

you might, you probably are operating

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in a lot of different ways in your life.

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From reasons that you don't

really like, and that's okay.

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Sometimes I just have to force

myself to do something that

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I know I should be doing.

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Even if I don't have good

reasons for it, right.

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Let's take the health one.

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Sometimes I just force myself to eat

vegetables because I know they're good for

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me, even though I don't really like them.

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Or they're not my favorite

or I'd rather have a cookie.

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So the reason behind it might be just

because I should, but hopefully I will

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develop habits that actually changed

my reasons into, oh, I actually kind of

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like cucumbers and Brussels sprouts now.

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So I note those are two

of my favorite vegetables.

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So I actually do like those, but

there are some that I do not.

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So the important thing to remember is

eventually we want to make our reasons.

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In keeping with our value set or else.

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Our actions are just not

going to last very long.

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Now the example I just gave you

ended up with the same feeling,

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same action, same results, right?

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I wanted to lose weight.

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Either for looking better

or for feeling better.

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I felt motivated.

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I avoided sugar.

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I went to the gym and the result was

that I lost weight in both examples.

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But what about when you're starving

and you didn't have time to meal prep

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and your husband brings home donuts?

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Which of those reasons is going to be more

likely to help you avoid those doughnuts.

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Which one, it there's no right or wrong.

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One.

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It might be different for

you than it is for me.

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For me, probably the idea of being healthy

and sticking around longer for my kids.

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It's going to be way more motivating

than just looking good in a swimsuit.

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Maybe for you, it would be

different and that's okay.

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Just be very clear about what those

reasons are, because if it's the right one

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for you, the one that's more in keeping

with your value set, you're going to

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be a lot more likely to stick with it.

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Longterm.

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Another maybe temptation example

here is what about a diet soda?

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It has zero calories.

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So it's not really going to make you gain

weight per se, but it's also not healthy.

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So you probably say yes to the diet soda.

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If you just want to look good in

a swimsuit, but if you were going

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for health, you might say no.

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So all of a sudden things get a little bit

muddier when those reasons are different.

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One last example, I'll give you

that might be a little bit clearer,

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especially for the moms out there is.

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What about a child who you've

taught not to cheat on his exams?

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One of these kids might believe

that he's not going to cheat

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because it's morally wrong.

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That's his belief that it's morally wrong.

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Another one might not cheat

because the teacher's watching.

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Maybe he doesn't care if

it's morally wrong or not.

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He's just not going to cheat because

he didn't want to get in trouble.

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Do those reasons matter?

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Yeah, I believe they do because when

the teacher walks away, what happens.

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The kid who believes it's morally

wrong, it's still not going to cheat.

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The kid who is just watching out for

the teacher definitely is going to.

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And if you believe that

cheating is morally wrong.

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Then obviously you're going to have an

opinion about that one way or the other.

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So if reasons really do matter

and they matter more than are

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actions, which is what I am.

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Arguing today.

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Let's talk about why.

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No, there's three main reasons.

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Number one.

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If we have reasons in alignment

with our values, then we will work

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harder and longer on our goals.

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Because the reasons are very

important to us, believing

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that cheating is morally wrong.

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Someone would feel like in the

fiber of their soul, I'm not going

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to do that because morally these

values are very important to me.

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Versus just not pleasing the teacher,

like whether or not somebody likes me

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is way less important to me than whether

or not I am operating out of a morally.

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Good space,

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again, not right or wrong.

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You get to just decide.

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Is this in keeping with my value set?

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So number one, we will

work harder and longer.

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If our reasons are in keeping

with our value set, number two,

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we will experience more integrity.

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Have you ever felt like you, your

actions are in keeping with your values?

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That's integrity.

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It feels much better than the opposite.

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So we'll talk more about that.

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Number three, we are more inspiring

to other people when you watch people

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living, and keeping with their values

who have really good, deep reasons

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for the things that they do it is.

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Awe inspiring.

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And jaw-dropping, it's amazing.

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I love watching those people and I want to

be one of those people for other people.

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I'm saying people a lot,

but anyway, The point is.

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It's incredibly inspiring

and motivating to watch.

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So let's first talk about

working harder and longer on our

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goals when we like our reasons.

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When our reasons resonate with

our soul, they are very important.

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Like I said, they are woven

into the fiber of who we are.

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Deep down.

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Let's go back to this swimsuit

one, the losing weight.

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Deep down looking good in a swimsuit does

not really matter to me in my values.

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I'm not saying it's wrong or that it's

shallow, but it's not as important to me

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as being healthy and caring for my body.

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Now that wasn't always true.

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When I was 18 years old, I would say

those do were flip-flopped because

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at 18 I felt like I was an immortal.

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It didn't matter what I ate or what I did.

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I was going to live forever.

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And looking good in a swimsuit

was critically important

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for my brain at that point.

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It meant fitting in with a crowd.

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It meant being desirable

for a future spouse.

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It meant a lot of things that

it doesn't mean to me now.

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So back then, I think my reason

would have been the other one and I

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probably would have been okay with it

because I didn't have the perspective

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and the wisdom that I do now.

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So please don't misunderstand

me that I'm not saying that some

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reasons are better or worse.

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But they might be better or worse

for you, which reason is better

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for you and your value set.

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So looking good in a swimsuit for

me personally, right now, it would

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not be worth the time and effort

required to take great care of my body.

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It wouldn't be worth the sacrifice

of passing up the donut or the

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cake or whatever I really wanted.

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When I take action now, though, in keeping

with those deeply held beliefs and values.

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Then I become a stronger

version of that self.

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I am operating more in integrity and I

become a stronger version of that person.

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And I love that feeling.

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Now, if you feel like your

reasons are not in keeping with

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your values, don't despair.

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You can totally change them.

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We can train our brains to work this way.

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We just have to be aware of it.

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So that's what we're doing first

is we're gaining awareness.

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Another personal example is after my

last baby, I started lifting weights

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again, I'd done it as a teenager

and as a young adult and I loved it.

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I'd just gotten out of a habit.

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Not a lot of time raising

a bunch of babies, right.

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So I went back to the gym and I

started working with a trainer and

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I started lifting weights and mostly

I was doing that to lose weight.

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I had probably 30 pounds to lose.

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I was uncomfortable.

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I felt unhealthy.

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I was eating not great.

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Now that was motivating at the start.

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But it was not the weight loss

that kept me going, because

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now I've been lifting weights.

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Consistently for over three years.

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In fact, that weightless took

probably more than two of those years.

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So it definitely wasn't like, oh

me losing five pounds every week.

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That's keeping me going to the gym.

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It wasn't that at all.

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It became the dopamine hit.

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I got, when I got to the gym, it

became the feeling of strength and

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accomplishment that I got when I was able

to increase the weight that I was lifting.

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All these other factors started

stepping in and became my

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reasons for going to the gym.

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And in the end, the weight loss

was just kind of a site of benefit,

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even though I hit initially been

the reason why I started pay close

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attention to the things that you're

doing and why you're doing them.

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And if you don't like your reasons,

could you find better reasons?

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. , it doesn't mean you don't get the

result of what you're looking for,

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but the reasons do really matter if

they're in keeping with your values.

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Now my fitness and health goals

have changed a little bit.

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Right now I'm currently

training for a triathlon.

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And so I have a lot of desire

to be fast, to be strong.

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And I want to be an example of my kids.

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A couple of my kids are gonna

do this triathlon with me.

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So that has me in the gym,

like six to eight times a week.

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I had no idea.

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Three years ago that I'd

ever want to do that.

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It sounded like a chore back

then, but now it's fun for me.

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Because of all these other

reasons I want to be strong.

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I want to be a good example.

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I want to feel healthy and it feels

amazing to me to do these activities.

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Now looking good in a swimsuit

would never have done that for me.

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Never.

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Because that's not how I operate.

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It might do it for someone else.

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Like I said, not innately a bad reason.

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For example, let's say that you have a

job that requires you to stay in shape.

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Maybe you're a firefighter or

maybe you're a fitness model.

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And if you gain 30 pounds or don't

go to the gym or, you know, eat

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unhealthily, you're gonna lose your job.

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Obviously that is a much deeper

reason than to just look good.

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When I show up at the

pool with my friends.

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For me personally, it wasn't the

reason that was going to motivate me.

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What is the reason that would

motivate you and is the most

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in keeping with your value set?

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So that's the first one.

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When we really like our reasons,

we are going to work harder

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and longer on our goals.

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The second reason is we

experienced more integrity.

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Now integrity is not a super

popular term these days.

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I don't know if you've noticed.

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Uh, no, one's walking

around going, you know what?

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I just really liked that guy.

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He's just such a great

example of integrity.

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No.

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And yet I think all human

beings value, integrity.

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We want someone who is honest

and trustworthy and who talks

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the talk and walks the walk.

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We don't want people that are too faced.

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We don't want people that

are emotionally manipulative.

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We don't want people that are

saying one thing and doing another.

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And yet nobody really acknowledges that.

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That is integrity.

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That's what I want from myself.

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That's what I want from my spouse and for

my children and from everyone in my life.

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So how do we live more in integrity?

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Well as a kid, I actually, this

was actually a big lesson I learned

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through a variety of experiences.

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But integrity, like I said happens when

you live in keeping with your values.

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So let's talk about business for a second.

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What does it look like

to live in integrity?

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When it comes to building a business?

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While there's a lot of different

reasons you can build a business, right.

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A couple of my reasons are

I love feeling fulfilled.

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I come into my office and I work

on projects and I help people.

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It feels so good to me.

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I feel like I'm making a difference.

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I want to have an impact on the world.

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I want to help people that feels amazing.

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And I also want to make more

money for my family to bless

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us with some financial freedom.

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Be able to take vacations, be

able to make sure that my husband

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doesn't have to work so much.

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Now.

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Those three reasons, making a

difference, feeling fulfilled,

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making more money for my family.

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Those are really in

keeping with my values.

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But my reasons for building

business, we're not always

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super in integrity for me.

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There was a time that I equated business

success with popularity and feeling cool

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and fitting in with the other influencers.

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And money for reasons that were

not in alignment with my values.

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And I could tell back then

that it didn't feel as good.

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And I could tell that I was

operating from a place that wasn't

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really true to who I wanted to be.

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Back to number one, I am so

motivated to work on my business.

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When I think about the people I can help.

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In fact, this was one of my.

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Top tips for people.

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I know I've mentioned

on the show before, is.

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If you were feeling unmotivated,

if you were feeling like you don't

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want to work, if you're feeling like

you're struggling in your business.

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Think about the people you're helping

think about the people that you

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can help that are still suffering

because you're not out there doing it.

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So when we think about those people,

we get into this place of service

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and we become less obsessed with

ourselves and we're more motivated to

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do things that can help other people.

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I'm the most motivated when I think

about the people I can help because

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I'm staying true to my values.

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When I think back to other people

that I have helped already.

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My one-on-one clients and people

who have seen a big transformation.

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Thanks to what I've done for them.

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I'll I'll come to my office

and be here for hours.

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I will do whatever it takes to

find more people that I can help

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like that because it feels so good.

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Now.

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Conversely.

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I could tell myself that the only

reason I'm building a business

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is because I want a multimillion

dollar home and a range Rover.

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That for me personally would not make

me work on my business from a place

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of integrity because those things

are not really important to me.

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I'm not saying they're not nice.

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I'm not saying I wouldn't want them.

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I'm just saying when the going gets tough.

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And when I want to feel really true to

me, that is not what would do it for me.

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And if it does it for you, Fantastic.

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Put it on your dream board,

like make it motivate you,

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but get really clear about

whether or not that's in keeping

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with your values and why,

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like if you really want

something beautiful and

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gorgeous and, and financially.

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Extravagant is it to impress somebody

like, like what is the real root

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reason, ask yourself that and make sure

that you're in love with that reason.

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So here is an exercise.

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I can give you, and it's very eyeopening,

sometimes a little bit alarming, but

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I think it's super, super helpful

for trying to determine whether or

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not we have reasons that we love.

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Ask yourself, this question, would you be

willing to sacrifice one of those reasons

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for another to get the same result?

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For example, If you want to lose weight.

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And you're wondering if it's for

health reasons or if it's to look good.

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Would you sacrifice your

health to look good?

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Or would you sacrifice

looking good for your health?

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So, if you had a choice where

it was, I'm either gonna L.

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Lose the weight, but it's going

to be crappy for my health.

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Or I'm going to do something that makes

me really healthy, but I'm not going to

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lose the weight, which would you choose?

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That can be really eye-opening.

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Oh yeah.

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Actually I'm not willing to sacrifice

my health to be a size six or yes.

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I am willing to sacrifice

my health to look like this.

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Just ask yourself that.

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Again, building the business.

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Would you sacrifice a feeling of

fulfillment to get that range Rover?

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Or vice versa, ask yourself which one

you'd be more willing to sacrifice.

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That can be very, very clarifying.

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Now, please do not use

this to guilt yourself.

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You guys know, I talk about this

a lot when we are learning about

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our brain and our reasons and our,

and our thoughts and our feelings.

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We're not going to use it to

then feel bad about ourselves.

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Like, oh my gosh, I totally want

a range Rover over serving people.

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I am a terrible human being.

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No, you're not.

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You have a very good reason for that.

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Why?

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Maybe it's because you, your family

always had cars that broke down

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while you were growing up and

all you want is a brand new car.

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That's not going to cause you car trouble.

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Let me just tell you that I did grow

up with cars that broke down all

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the time, and it is one of the most

stressful things on planet earth.

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So there is no judgment there.

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But get really clear, right?

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Sometimes when we want a physical

possession, there is a deep seated.

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Emotional reason for that.

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So find out what it is, because that

will fuel you more than anything else.

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And ask yourself, did I maybe borrow

somebody else's reasons for this?

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How can I get back into

integrity for myself?

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The third reason that we want to be

very clear about liking our reasons is.

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To be inspiring to other people,

to be motivating to other people,

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to make a difference in the world.

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Let me ask you this.

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Who's wealth is more inspiring to you.

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A business owner who has built

something that was their life's

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mission that they felt passionate

about, or someone who inherited it

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all and didn't do anything for it.

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Probably the business owner, right?

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Because it took blood, sweat,

and tears and intense motivation

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and work to get where they are.

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Whereas the inheritor probably didn't.

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So I'm way more motivated to see someone

working from integrity and working

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from reasons that really, really matter

to them because that can't be faked.

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You can see it when somebody is

working from that place of integrity.

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Another example of where we

could check our reasons is in

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spiritual or personal development.

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So I tell myself all the time, there

are lots of things I should do.

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I shouldn't be praying and I should

read my scriptures and I should meditate

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and I should serve other people.

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But do I want to do those things?

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Because someone told me I should,

or because I want to check a box.

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Or because I want to become

something better or because I want

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to serve God, because I believe

he's asked me to do these things.

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What are those real reasons?

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And again, It's okay to check the box.

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Sometimes I just have to

force myself, you know what?

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I actually have a great app I've

been using lately things three.

423

I'll talk more about it sometime if we're

going to talk about organization, but.

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It's basically just a glorified

checklist and every day I

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have read scripture on there.

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And there are days when I don't want

to do it, but I do it anyway because I

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check the box and it still benefits me.

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And little by little I'm desiring

more to do it, not just to check the

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box, but to become something better.

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So it's totally okay to start somewhere.

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With reasons that are kind

of wishy-washy to you.

432

But taking the action sometimes

will help transform your reasons

433

into something you really love.

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When I see someone who has become

something incredible due to their own.

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Self-improvement or spiritual improvement.

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I am so much more

motivated to do it myself.

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I'm so inspired.

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Rather than just seeing someone who's

checked the boxes, because it shows I can

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tell the difference between these people.

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And I bet you can too.

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We cannot deceive people about our

reasons because they're basically

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as plain as the nose on our face.

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Right.

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We can pretend, but people

can tell it shows through.

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And we don't want to pretend

to be something that we're not.

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You will attract the kind of people

who have, or want reasons like yours.

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That's how we band together.

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We create these tribes and these

communities with people who have similar

449

values and similar reasons that we have.

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And even if you think you're

showing up with different ones,

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It's going to come back to bite you.

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So find and search out people who are

like you, or have reasons that you

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want to have and connect with them.

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So as a reminder, the three reasons

why we want to check our reasons to

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make sure we love them is number one.

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Because we will work longer

and harder on a goal.

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When we love our reasons.

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Number two, we will stay in integrity and

number three, we will be more motivating

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and inspiring to the people around us.

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Now I have one more caveat.

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I want to talk about here.

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Sometimes the result we get from doing

something is not a pretty result.

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But we do love our reasons.

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So for example, Sometimes in a

relationship we have to put up boundaries.

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You know, I've talked

about boundaries before.

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I might avoid someone's call because

I have a boundary that I can't talk to

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that person in this state that I'm in.

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There's a difference between avoiding

a call or not talking to somebody

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because I'm putting up a boundary out

of love versus I'm annoyed with them.

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The result of avoiding someone's call

seems like maybe not a great result,

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because my values generally say that

I want to connect with people who are

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important to me, but if I have a boundary

again, out of love, because I want to

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improve the relationship, that's a much

better reason for me than just being

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annoyed and wanting to avoid them.

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So take a look at your results.

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Having good reasons doesn't mean

all your results have to look

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pretty with a bow tied on top.

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Sometimes we do things that

seem out of keeping with our.

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Values, but they are actually in keeping

with them because of the reasons.

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So the result in the example I gave

you is not talking to the person.

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People might not like that, or

might have judgment for me, but my

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reason is what's most important.

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I'm operating from a place I love.

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Another example, maybe we experienced

something that looks like failure,

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but we like our reasons, for example,

Quitting a high pressure job and

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teaching school because we want

to have more time with our family.

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Maybe the rest of the world would be

like, oh, you just gave up that job.

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That's terrible.

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But you love your reasons.

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Cause now you get time with your

kids, or what about downsizing?

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Your beautiful home, because

you want to have time and

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money to travel with your kids.

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Again, the outside perspective

might be, oh, you just lost that

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beautiful home, but your reasons

are so much more important to you.

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Don't be so obsessed with

the result that you ignore.

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The reason.

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Sometimes we make choices that

don't make sense to other people

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because we love our reasons so

much in the end, it's your life.

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And only you will have to

live with your reasons.

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So make sure you love them.

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Do some soul searching.

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If there is a goal that you've

been working on and it's not been

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happening for you ask yourself are my

reasons in alignment with my values.

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And if they're not, how can

I tweak them until they are.

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All right friends.

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Good luck analyzing your reasons

that we will talk to you next week.

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Are you ready to start or

grow your dream business?

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Click the link in the show notes to

download the free starter guide to

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building a business or to schedule

a free coaching call And if you

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loved this episode, Don't forget

to leave a review and share it with

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a friend who might be feeling the

call to burn a little brighter.