The concept of justification is equal parts fascinating and terrifying. When our brains confront the potential for danger or major upheaval, especially the possibility of loss, it does everything in its power to maintain the status quo, even justifying really terrible behaviors.

We sometimes justify abusive or damaging behavior from our loved ones because we don't want to risk losing the relationship, but where justification is really insidious is with our OWN negative behaviors. We hold ourselves back or justify self-destructive actions because we assume the alternative would be just too difficult (or worse, because we don't think we deserve any better).

Let's learn how to combat this phenomenon and its potentially catastrophic results!

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listening to Bernie brightly, episode

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33, the danger of justification.

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This is burning brightly, a podcast

for Christian moms who are feeling

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called to build a business and

share their light with the world.

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I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, a life

coach, mom, and entrepreneur.

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And I'm honored to be your guide as you

face this business building adventure full

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of highs, lows, and everything in between.

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This is where we help each

other find the courage to shine.

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Microphone (ATR2100x-USB Microphone) & HD Pro Webcam C920:

my friends.

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Welcome back to the show.

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I have to tell you guys about a show.

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I just watch it on Netflix

called all the light.

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We cannot see if you're a reader.

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You may have read the book already.

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It was pretty phenomenal.

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The book, there were a few things about

the ending that I hated, literally hated.

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You could go read all my skating reviews.

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On good reads, but the

episodes were phenomenal.

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It's just a really short mini series,

just four episodes, but it was

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really well done, really beautiful.

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And they changed the ending.

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fix the thing that I hated the most.

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So I really, really highly recommend it.

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It is a world war two drama.

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So yes, it is dramatic.

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It is scary suspenseful, but

also, so, so, so beautiful.

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Um, I bring that up is because

we're going to talk a little

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bit about world war II today.

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And some of the atrocities that happened

there, because I think it plays in really

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well to this concept of justification

that I want to expose you to.

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I really, really love reading

and learning about world war II.

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I to ask myself why over the

years, like there were a lot of

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horrible things that happened.

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Why are not just me, but so

many people so interested.

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In that fight and in the war in

general and the stories surrounding it.

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And I think that one of the main

reasons is probably because it seems at

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least to us in our generation, Like a

really classic good versus evil story.

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Write It at least when Hitler is framed

as the evil side where like, yeah.

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And then we all went and fought

against him and the good guys won

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right Of course, the entire world

probably doesn't agree with that.

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That definition was mostly the

ones that were on Germany side,

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but for those of us in the west, I

think we kind of see it like that.

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But what I want to think

about here for just a second

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is about the millions of men.

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Predominantly men.

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I think some women too.

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Who were part of the German Nazi forces?

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Surely they weren't all evil.

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Right.

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No country could possibly have millions

of people that are quote unquote evil.

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Now, of course, that that could lead

us into a discussion that we could.

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We could take all day long, discussing

good versus evil and whether or not

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people are innately good or evil.

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Or whether it's just the choices

they make that are good or evil, that

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could be a fascinating discussion.

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We will do another podcast about that.

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But I have always wondered,

ever since I knew about world

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war II for the first time.

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What would make a good Christian man?

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Leave his family to go

fight for his country.

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And end up committing atrocities that

had the rest of the world, just with

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their draw dropped on the ground.

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Right.

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Completely.

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that these kinds of atrocities

could happen at the hands of

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normal human beings that we would

have just passed on the street.

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What makes a normal good Christian person.

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some of the things that we know

that the Nazi forces did during

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world war II and not just the Nazis.

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I fully understand that there are

many other countries and many other

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forces that did horrible things.

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Allies included.

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But years ago, I read a fascinating

article about this concept.

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And it explained that.

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These men and actually every human

being to ever walk the earth, struggled

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with the concept of justification.

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And to explain it, let's

look at some of these Nazis.

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Okay.

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It would look like something like this.

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A man goes into the service.

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He feels like he's a good person.

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He's a soldier.

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And yet one day his commanding

officer tells him to be a little

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bit rough with a Jewish family.

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And it pricks something inside of him.

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It doesn't feel right.

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He feels a little bad.

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But he's also constantly being fed,

very convincing propaganda that tells

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him that the Jews are evil and inhuman.

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So his brain has two choices.

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It can go against the orders of his

not only his commanding officer,

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but as in the entire country, right.

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him that their forces is

doing the right thing.

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And, and stop what he's doing.

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And keep his integrity, not betray

himself, or he can listen to the

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propaganda and all of this that's

being fed to him from his commanding

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officer and those above him.

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And believe that the Jews are evil

and continue in these actions.

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Now.

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If this person has already committed

any atrocity against the Jews.

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Choice number two will always be easier.

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Because it maintains

the person's integrity.

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If you believe you're a good person

and you would never do something

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mean or evil to another human being.

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When you do act that

way for whatever reason.

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Then your integrity is at risk or.

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The other potential truth to your brain

is that maybe the Jews are inhuman.

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Does So justification is

a self defense mechanism.

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It exists to ensure that

our life remains simple.

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And as easy as possible.

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It keeps us from getting hurt or

facing really painful emotions.

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And the emotion of self betrayal is

a very painful, shameful emotion.

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So if there's any other option

other than believing, I've betrayed

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myself in everything I hold dear.

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I'm going to choose that one.

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And if the propaganda coming from

your country or any other source

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is strong enough, I'm going to

believe that and latch on to that.

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So I don't have to believe that I

might be a bad person for treating

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another human being in this way.

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Fascinating right.

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So here's another example that might be

hit a little bit closer to home since

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none of us lived through world war II.

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Unfortunately devastatingly, I know

way too many women who have had a

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husband who's dealt with infidelity.

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And usually once the truth

of the infidelity comes out.

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wives find themselves realizing

that there were other clues that

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came before this final truth.

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So why does it often take overwhelming

evidence to finally convince someone

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that the spouse is being unfaithful?

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Justification.

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They're trying to justify this beautiful

life that they think they lead.

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With these clues that

don't fit in the picture.

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And so very often they

just ignore the clues.

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Because it's so much more

painful to confront them.

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So what about people who are physically

or sexually abused and then make

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it their own fault in their mind?

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That is such a heartbreaking

phenomenon, but it happens very often.

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Also justification.

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trying to justify this bad behavior.

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That's happening to them in a way.

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That makes them be able to get

up and continue on every day.

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And very often it's easier for

them to blame themselves than

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it is to blame this loved one.

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So let's talk about the

definition for a second.

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What does the word justification mean?

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To justify means to defend or uphold

as warranted or well grounded.

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Or to show something to be just, or right.

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So defender uphold as warranted.

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Or to show something to be just a ripe.

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So in the examples, I've just listed,

acknowledging that the Jews were human

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beings and did not deserve maltreatment.

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Would not only mean that the Nazi

himself had just committed evil,

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but like I said, that the entire

country's war effort was misguided.

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That would have been huge and it

turns out at what that was true.

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Or that the woman of the

unfaithful man might have to

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confront divorce and life alone.

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That is.

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Uh, devastating thought.

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Or that the abused person might

not be safe in their own home.

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They might need to leave a

relationship and confront some really

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uncomfortable emotions and reality.

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order to care for themselves, they

will have to leave this relationship.

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They value.

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When they finally realize

it's not good for them.

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So these are some serious

kind of depressing examples.

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I'm sorry that I, that I

started with world war II.

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That was, it was kind of a low blow.

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But we do this to ourselves in

less serious examples all the time.

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Other situations like

this come up all the time.

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Let's coming in the holidays here.

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Let's talk.

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The last about the last time that you went

off an eating or an exercise plan, you

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were going to exercise three times a week.

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You were going to eliminate

sugar, whatever it is.

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How often does one or two cookies

turn into what the heck I've

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already broken my no sugar rule.

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I'm just going to eat

the rest of the pack.

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Uh, like all the time.

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All the time or a business goal.

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I didn't make my goal of

getting a new client this week.

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So I'm just going to turn off my

computer and go watch Netflix.

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Screw it.

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Who cares?

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That's justification.

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Our brain is looking for ways to justify

our own bad behavior or that of our loved

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ones so that we can stay safe and happy.

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Because keeping the computer on and

slogging through the work task we gave

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ourselves without getting the result of

the client that we thought we were going

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to get is painful and uncomfortable.

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And it makes us feel frustrated.

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putting down the two cookies and

acknowledging I can still stay

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on track is a lot harder than

just saying, Hey, I forget it.

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I'll just keep eating these Oreos.

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Right.

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In fact, if we go back to some

of the examples that, that.

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a loved one behaving badly confronting

that loved one's bad behavior can

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sometimes be tragically life altering.

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And, and it's very often just

easier to keep our head in the sand.

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So very often we unwittingly tell

ourselves stories for years that

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reinforce this like behavior, right.

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Head I'll give you an

example of a couple of these.

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the sand.

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Thoughts here, but I want to see

if any of these sound familiar to

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you, or if you have a similar one.

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I could never own my own business.

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I'm just not organized enough.

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Or I could never lose the

weight and keep it off.

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I just like sweets too much.

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Or I could never end

up being a single mom.

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I just wouldn't survive.

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So these stories might sound.

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True.

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They might sound real.

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They might have plenty of evidence

to back them up, but what they're

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doing is justifying you potentially

looking at a better path for

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yourself, because it's going to be

hard first before it gets better.

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These stories are not true.

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And any similar ones that come up for you.

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They are simply stories that we hold

on to, to keep us from confronting

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things that are incredibly difficult.

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And again, I went with the really

depressing life-altering examples

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to prove a point, but the lesser

examples happened to us all the time.

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We're looking for ways out of the hard

things we've asked ourselves to do.

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And if we can.

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backwards on our goal and justify

the little mistakes we make.

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Then we stay safe a little bit longer.

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So.

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What do we do now, now that we've

acknowledged that sometimes its

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justification happens, how do we

stop ourselves from slipping into it?

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Let's go back to the stories for a second.

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First tip, watch the stories you're

telling yourself even before it

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becomes a problem, pay attention.

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Are you constantly telling yourself.

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Some victim hood story.

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'cause that's just become your

personality or your rallying cry.

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Are you currently justifying

something in your mind that deep

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down, you know, is not right.

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Or are you allowing someone to

mistreat you or abused boundaries?

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Are you allowing yourself to continue

harmful practices that are shortening

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your life because it's just easier.

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Or are you allowing the world or

your loved ones to keep you in a box?

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Because it's too scary to consider

what else you might be capable of?

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So.

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you know, you struggle with these, start

writing those stories down and take

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a look at them from a very objective

viewpoint, if necessary, bring them to a

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coach or even a trusted friend and say,

what do you see wrong with these stories?

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I keep I find myself telling myself

these stories over and over and over.

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But I think they're calling me back.

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Can you help me?

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Okay, that's a great place to start.

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tip, ask yourself this question.

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What is the worst that could happen?

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I love going to doomsday

scenario because almost never.

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Ends up being the worst case

scenario, but it's good to go there.

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What, if you could stick to the

eating plan that you want to

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what's the worst it could be.

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You eliminate sugar for awhile.

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Maybe for a year, maybe forever.

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But I kill you.

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We would actually probably make you much

healthier than we all are right now.

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Right.

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What, if you could make the extra money

that your family needs or wants, how

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hard could it possibly be and go to worst

case scenario, go to a scenario where you

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wouldn't be willing to, to stay there.

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Like, well, I'd have to work 50 hours

as a nurse, or I'd have to work.

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hours as a janitor or

whatever, but go there.

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Let's just take a look at it.

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What, what would that mean?

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What would that look like?

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Another example, what if you could

demand more respect in a relationship?

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Could you survive, really

putting your foot down?

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Around some boundaries.

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Could you survive, not having

that person in your life?

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Yeah, I bet you could.

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And then third tip.

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Once you've gone to the worst case

scenario, I want you to ask yourself this

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what's the best thing that could happen.

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What would life be like

without my food addictions.

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What would life be like with this

incredible life altering business?

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What could life be like

with more self-respect.

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And less feeling like a doormat

in some of my relationships.

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And all of a sudden, we look at the

negative possibility and we look at the

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POS possibility and we only want the

positive and we realize chances are good.

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The negative is going to be way

less than we anticipate, and the

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positive could be even better.

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remember back to the

definition of justification.

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Justification is us trying to show

that something is just, or right.

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If something does not feel just

a right in your life, if your gut

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is telling you something is not

right here, I could do better.

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I could require better.

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I could ask for better.

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Even if it's just not living

up to your highest potential.

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Why are you holding onto it?

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Why do you continue justifying

that behavior either from

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yourself or from another person?

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And why are you defending it?

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You absolutely deserve better.

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Yes you do from the world, from your loved

ones, but mostly from yourself, do not let

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your survival brain justify the behaviors

that you keep doing to yourself that just

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keep you safe and don't allow you to grow

and become the best version of yourself.

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Don't allow that survival brain

to justify laziness or ignoring

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that call to be something better.

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Because what if you can't even

imagine what's on the other side

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of these stories, what if you could

let them go and become something?

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Completely.

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Uh, unimaginable.

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How exciting is that?

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Okay friends.

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I hope you love this episode.

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I hope it made sense.

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always, please email me.

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If you have a topic you'd love to hear

on the podcast or you have questions

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about anything I talk about here.

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I can't wait to talk to you next week.

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Bye.

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Bye.