In this conversation, Dr. Corey Wilks discusses the psychological traits that lead individuals to make excuses instead of changes. He emphasizes the importance of cognitive restructuring, specifically the technique of turning 'but' into 'so' to shift focus from problems to solutions. By adopting this mindset, individuals can overcome their natural tendencies to find problems and instead actively seek solutions, ultimately leading to personal growth and achievement of goals.
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So here's the thing, you can make excuses or you can make changes, but you can't do both. Most of us claim we want something, but all we do is make excuses about all the reasons why we haven't gotten it yet. But it's not our fault, here's what I mean. If you're new here, my name is Dr. Cory Wilkes, I'm a psychologist and coach, and I share no bullshit strategies and insights into psychology to help you build the life you want. So let's get started. See, humans have three psychological traits that create this issue of making excuses rather than changes. One, we are designed
to find problems. And if we can't find any problems, we create them in our own minds. Two, we are what psychologists call cognitive misers. Meaning we're mentally lazy and don't really like putting in a lot of effort into things. And three, we're naturally fearful and avoidant of unfamiliar things. These traits have helped us survive as a species in the past, but they're typically the root of all of our problems today.
Because combined, these traits mean that we're great at finding and avoiding problems, not so much solving them. Like, yeah, we're decent at problem solving, but finding solutions takes dedicated effort. But finding problems largely comes naturally to us, which is why it's so easy for us to fall into this trap of becoming great at finding every single problem, AKA excuse, that keeps us from achieving the thing we claim to want.
So if you're ready to stop making excuses and start making changes, here's a cognitive restructuring technique to help you switch from being problem focused to solution focused. And it comes down to turning but into so. And here's what I mean. But is a problem, right? Most people follow this formula. Desire, but, excuse or problem. So for example, I want to start a newsletter, but I don't know what to write about. Or I want to start a business,
but I don't know where to start. See, when you focus on the problem, all you can see is the problem. And the more you practice finding problems, the better you get at finding problems and the more problems you find. This is basically the Bader-Meinhof phenomenon and I'll put out another video that goes in depth with what that is. But before you know it, you're overwhelmed with how many problems there are that are keeping you from your desired goal. You feel like you're drowning. So what do you do?
Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (:Maybe you cry for help, desperately hoping somebody can throw a life preserver your way. But what happens? Even when someone tries to help you by offering a solution, you're so focused on finding problems that all you see are the problems within their solutions. So like with a newsletter, maybe you're like, I wanna start a newsletter, but I don't know what to write about. Maybe a friend says, you can write about this. But then you say, no, that's too derivative. Somebody else has already said that. So then they suggest, you can read stuff and then put your own spin on it. But then you say, no, I'm too burnt out to read.
So they say, we'll just write a little bit each day. And then you say, no, I'm too busy. You get caught up in what psychologists call help rejecting, where you literally ask for help and then reject the help that is given to you. But it's not your fault. Your brain has hijacked your perception. All you can see are problems because all your brain will let you see are problems. Of course you're making excuses all day every day. You've become enslaved by your brain's skewed perspective of reality.
but there's a way for you to take back control of your mind and of your perception by turning but into so. Like we said, but is a problem. So is a solution. So here's a new formula to try out. Desire, so, change or solution. So let's use the newsletter example from before and how we can restructure it. I want to write a newsletter, so I need to figure out what to write about. Because when you state a desire,
and say, so, you're priming your mind to find a solution in order to finish the sentence, right? I want this thing, so, naturally steers your mind to finding a way to make it happen. Now, because you're not looking for a problem, you don't find a problem. You're no longer standing at the base of the mountain looking up at how hard the climb looks. You're standing at the bottom actively trying to figure out how to make it happen. Your brain naturally finds problems, yes.
but it's incredibly powerful at finding solutions if you put in a little effort and give it a little direction. You can apply this technique anytime you want to stop making excuses and start making changes. So something like, want to start a YouTube channel, but I don't know where to start turns into, I want to start a YouTube channel. So I need to figure out the easiest way to get started. I want to get in shape, but I don't know anything about dieting can become, I want to get in shape.
Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (:So I need to learn about nutrition and exercise. Or I want to read more, but I'm too busy, becomes I want to read more. So I need to find a way to incorporate reading time into my busy schedule. Or I want to build a digital product, but I don't know what people would buy, turns into I want to build a digital product. So I need to figure out what my audience wants. So anything, right? I want to do the thing. So I need to figure out how to do the thing.
Whatever you wanna do, there's a plan you can come up with to make it happen. You just have to practice learning to find solutions rather than problems. It's kind of final thoughts. But tells your mind to find a problem, a way to avoid your desire, the thing you want. So tells your mind to find a solution, a way to achieve your desired outcome. It is a simple but incredibly powerful mindset shift you can make.
This is the number one psychological trait I've seen every single successful person have. It's not that they're necessarily super smart or disciplined or wealthy or whatever. It's just that they focus on figuring shit the fuck out. Problems are everywhere, but so are solutions. You just have to learn to see them. So if your default perception is skewed for finding problems, try to switch from saying but to so and see how quickly you stop making excuses and start
making changes. If you like content like this, subscribe to my newsletter. I'll put a link below. I share a shit ton of psychological insights and strategies to help you achieve the life you want. Until next time, take it easy.