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Downtime Without Shoulds
Episode 13414th November 2022 • Lets Be Honest Before We Start Pretending • Kelly Mobeck
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What happens when it’s time for you take some downtime?  Do you welcome it with open arms? Do you panic a little bit because of all the things you have on your plate?  Do you make up that there is no way you have time for it?  I hear this a lot and many times it’s because “should” is running the show.  Today we address removing the should from the downtime you deserve and share some tips to help you prepare so you can fully unplug, rest, recharge. You know you deserve it!!

Also, I am running a FREE workshop on 11/30 at 6:00 p.m. PST for an hour of fun designed to have you “Complete It” and finish your year strong capturing and leveraging the learning you created all along the way. 

Check out all the details here, register, and let’s go!!

Here are the highlights from this episode:

(03:46) As Alicia Keys would say…

(08:01) Allow yourself downtime, and allow yourself to recharge

(12:17) Imagine you have a flight to catch

(16:16) Create calendar integrity

As mentioned in this episode:

Share your Curiosity Challenges, learnings, and any questions here!

Episode 115 Don’t Should on Yourself

Mom’s Organization Motivation Podcast with Paige Killian Episode 123: Prepping for Travel with Kids

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Hey everyone. I'm Kelly Mok, a coach and a leadership trainer, and I'm super passionate about helping you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your gifts, your unique brilliance, and I believe that real leaders don't wait.

They create, I know firsthand that life is gonna throw us curve. That we're gonna doubt our greatness, our ideas, and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion for you each week so that you feel inspired, motivated, and most important in action toward your unique impact in this world.

So let's jump in. Hey there everyone. It's Coach Kelly. Welcome to another episode of, Let's Be Honest, Before We Start Pretending. How are you? How's your week going? I'm loving the feelings of fall here in, uh, California, Southern California. It sort of comes in a little later and I am here for it. I'm here for it.

So, listen, before we jump into this episode, I wanted to invite you to join me. For a very special free workshop that I am holding in November. At the end of this month, on November 30th, it will be at 6:00 PM Pacific Standard Time, and it's gonna be super duper cool. So for those of you who have. Heard the episodes on fourth quarter finale, halftime huddle ups, and completing strong whatever strong means to you.

I am super excited because we are going to workshop it, so we're gonna take the principles that I shared on the podcast. And we are going to workshop them and we're gonna dive in a little bit deeper. Okay? Now what I want you to know is we are gonna be really focusing on harnessing the lessons that you've learned through the year.

Okay? So we're gonna workshop that. I have something else coming, just dropping in a little tease that will help you tease out, if you will, the year to come. So not tease out. Actually, I have something coming that's gonna be really cool that's gonna help you begin your year strong that I'm gonna invite you to, I wanna invite you to this free workshop because so many of you have asked, and so I thought, Let's do it.

Let's have a workshop. On finishing the Year Strong. I don't know if that's the title of it. Title is coming super duper soon, but the premise is gonna be harnessing the lessons because the lessons are platinum and priceless. The results are gold, okay? The results are gold, but the lessons are platinum and priceless.

So we love it when we create the results that we say we want. We do, and we feel. and it's usually for a moment, maybe a few moments, right? But as time goes on, those moments, you know, like the feelings we don't remember, but the lessons we can leverage and those are priceless and those are sustainable, and those are with us.

Forever. So we're gonna talk about how you really do that. Okay? So come workshop with me, check the show notes so that you can grab the link that will get you to the registration and prepare yourselves. We are gonna have so much fun. There may be prizes too. There will be prizes. Okay. So let's keep moving through our should series and what we're gonna talk about today is managing your.

In creating downtime or having downtime without the. Woo. Let's go. There's a quote that I found from Alicia Keys that I really, really love and I'm gonna, I'm gonna share it, and this is what she says. I've learned that one of my greatest secrets is scheduling downtime into a busy schedule. This gives me the time to have quality moments with my husband and son who both recharged my spirit in ways I never imagined.

Isn't that so true? How many of you out there are like, Yeah, I really would love some downtime or some quality time. With people that are really important to me, and we don't take it because we stay super busy. Well, I love this because this is really prioritizing you and what is important to you first, and then really being able to lean in and how that's gonna recharge you.

And it's like Alicia says, We're charging her spirit in ways she never imagined. We don't know what's possible, and sometimes we don't even give ourselves permission to experience what's possible. All right, so I wanna remind you guys what shoulds are. Shoulds are the. Things that we think we should be doing.

Either we've made it up or somebody's telling us what we should be doing. Society, you know, a friend, a colleague, a boss, a parent, you know, I could go on and on. Not saying that people don't have, you know, positive intention in that. It's that you wanna make sure. That whatever it is you're up to is really in alignment with what it is that you want to be doing, who you are being, your values, your purpose, your priorities.

Okay? So one of the areas that I find the shoulds creep in like nobody's business is during downtime. Literally during downtime. How many of my entrepreneurs out there when you are taking vacation. Comes the computer, comes the phone, comes your work with you. Now, I'm not saying that's bad, and I'm not saying that's good.

Okay. That's not, I'm not, this is, I'm not, I'm not here to judge. Okay. I myself have broughten all the things with me on vacation. Okay. What I want you to check in though, is what's the purpose of it Really? What am I making so much more important than taking my downtime? And I gotta tell you, it's because we think we should stay on top of.

We should clear out any emails so that when we come back there's like, it's not overwhelming. We should make sure we don't miss a potential client. We should. Okay. Okay. Now, there probably are some fields that maybe you've gotta take some of it with. You certainly is your prerogative. Check in though with your.

Am I allowing myself to rejuvenate, to recharge, to recharge my spirit in ways you never could imagine, so that you can come back and keep things rolling so that you can come back and be even a better version of you supporting your clients or supporting projects or whatever that. Okay. So check in and see what's my purpose in bringing my work with me.

Okay. For some, it's a habit and it's a hard one to break because I can remember when I first started having my own business, I thought, Wow, I, I don't wanna miss anything. Like what if, you know, I go away and a ball gets dropped and da, da, da. If a ball gets dropped, it's, you can pick it back up. That's what I wanna say.

And so the thing is allowing yourself to have that downtime so that you can recharge, so that you can get reinspired empowered and come back a better version of you. That's the thing. That's the thing. Now, maybe you're not an entrepreneur, maybe you are, you know, in business. Maybe you're volunteering, maybe you are, you know, the CEO of your household and you are running the ship there.

You know who I'm talking about? Stay at home parents. Right? What happens when it's time for you to go recharge and get some of that downtime, right? All of a sudden we can, This is actually for everyone. Entrepreneurs, people in business, stay at home, parents. Just you find yourself in where you find yourself.

Okay? What happens when it's time to vacation? Well, all of a sudden our list gets really big . All of a sudden we're like, Let me get out a pad of paper. Let's make it a legal size so that I can really maximize and get everything I can possibly think of to get complete before I go on vacation. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

Now, this is not. Planning and prepping to go on vacation. That's a whole other thing. As a matter of fact, I gotta remember to add into my show notes. You gotta hear my dear friend Paige Killian, the Mom's Organization Motivation podcast. She's been here. You guys have heard me talk about her before. This is for anyone like how do you prep and prepare to go, uh, to travel?

It's great. So I will remember. In fact, let me just pause and write that down cuz see, this is just coming to my brain right now and I wanna make sure you guys get. That we wanna add in that episode because it's so good, so much goodness on helping you be organized and plan and prep to travel. It's great, and if you are moms of littles, there's even more nuggets in there for you, but I think it's a great episode for everyone.

So, Any who. What happens is we make these lists that are gigantic, gigantic, and all of a sudden everything is important. Like we gotta do it all. We gotta take care of everything. Okay. , I don't know. Can anyone out there tell me why you think that happens? Why do we think that happens? Well, I'm gonna suggest it's because the shoulds creep in.

The shoulds creep in. They do. They do. And what's happening is we are creating so much more stress and anxiety and overwhelm that by the time. We hit vacate, we are exhausted and it takes a few, if not several days to unplug, to unwind, and then suddenly here we are on vacation and then it's time to go home.

Okay? So I'm gonna suggest it's because shoulds creep in and remember, shoulds are attached to guilt or shame. Things like that. You guys have heard me say before that guilt is a way that we cope because it can be easier to feel guilty about stuff than to actually take something on. Um, so in essence it's a way that we avoid, okay, We, we feel guilty.

And I I, I'm the messenger here. I'm the messenger. It's easier to stay there than to simply. And I am gonna say, simply identify what is the thing that I actually get to take on what's wanted and needed so that I don't have to feel guilty. Okay? Now the answer to that question is not everything is important.

And so I'm gonna give you a practice right here and right now, because especially as we're entering holiday time, there's gonna be people that are taking some vacations, some travel, some holiday travel, all that type. And I'm gonna give you a practice right here, right now. It is so. It is so profound and so incredibly simple so that you don't have to do that anymore, okay?

Anymore. So before you get that legal size pad of paper out, I want you to stop and I want you to think, okay. Imagine you're going away and you're taking a plane. In some cases, that's actually gonna be true. In some cases, maybe not, but I want you to imagine that you have a plane ticket and you've gotta be at the airport so that you are on your plane and on your way.

That's a deadline. Okay. That's a, that's a deadline. And what deadlines do for us is they give us some direction. They give us, you know, where we can focus, right? So give yourself a deadline and say like, I'm going on vacation on Friday and my flight is at 6:00 AM 6:00 AM now I wanna make sure I get some sleep the night before.

Okay. By the way, I've got to pack, by the way, like if I've got, you know, the pet sitters coming, house, sitters coming, there might be some instructions that are required. Notice what I'm talking about. These are all the things that are gonna help you have a great vacation. Okay? Put those things down first.

Imagine your deadline is 6:30 AM on a Friday. You're on a. . And so that means that you, and you wanna get a good night's sleep. Please write that down. Like, I actually wanna get a good night's sleep. Okay? For some that'll be challenging. It'll be like a kid going to Disneyland. I'm super excited and that's okay, but at least be resting, right?

And so plan ahead by planning backwards and make sure you put the things in and on your list that are gonna support you in being able to recharge your. in ways you never imagined. Okay. And those things could be packing any instructions for any sitters, things like that. Put that on your list first. And we don't think about that.

We don't. We don't, as a matter of fact, how many will set the alarm? You gotta be at the airport at six 30 and you'll set the alarm for like two 30 to get up and pack and leave for the airport. Oh. Oh, stress. Woo. Okay. I might have done that myself, that's why I'm sharing this. Okay, so here's the practice that I know that works.

You set your deadline and it's an airline ticket, you cannot negotiate your way out of it. You did not buy the the refundable and re changeable ticket. It's the one that's like, You gotta go. You gotta go. Okay. You've planned now the things that are important for you that you're gonna require to go on vacation next is you're gonna write down on your piece of paper, what are the things.

That are absolutely non-negotiable. That must actually be complete work wise. And I'm gonna tell you, it is not everything. It is never everything. Never, ever. Okay. So my challenge to you is to start with three things. Start with three. There's magic in three. What are the three non-negotiable things that I must complete before I.

And write that down. Okay. And then use this sentence if there's time, and I mean, really if there's time, not like, let me cram it in. Like I'll just stay up all night. No. If there's time, what are three more things? Okay. And then write those down on your piece of paper. And then one more time, if there's time.

What are the next three? Okay. Now you have nine things. That's nine three are non-negotiable. Like that. Those have to get done. They, they must, it's non-negotiable. And then the other six are, if there's time, it would be nice, that kind of thing. Cause I promise you not everything actually has to be done. We just make up that it does.

We really, really do. Now, what you're gonna do then is you're gonna look and you're gonna see, is there anything that I can delegate? Is there anything that I might require some help? It, you know, just anything. What are my resources? Cuz again, for some reason, all of a sudden we make up that it all falls on us, and sometimes it does.

Okay? Be truthful about it. The next thing you're gonna do is you're gonna go to your calendar and you are gonna schedule it in, You're gonna put it. You're gonna make it like you know. And by the way, you're gonna put in your three non-negotiables. Don't put in the other six, just the three, the three non-negotiables work wise.

And by the way, this is after you have scheduled the time to pack and get instructions ready and whatever you require, so that you are feeling your best to recharge your spirit. All right? It is super important. What you're gonna find, what you're gonna find is that as you look at that and you get real with your calendar, remember on Halloween Gina talked with us about scheduling.

If you have not gone and grabbed her template yet, do it. It's awesome. And you know, you wanna stay in integrity with your calendar, which means I'm staying in integrity with myself. So schedule those. Okay. Now here's the thing. Once you've scheduled them in and it's time for you to do the thing, do the thing, do it, get it done, complete it, okay?

Once those three things are complete, now you can go back to that list on the first if there's time, and you can schedule those things in if they're still feeling like they're important. Now, here's a fun thing. They're feeling like they're important, but they're really not as important as you thought.

Schedule them in for after your vacation. Okay? Remember, we're like in the section of if there's time, so it's the next three. So guess what that means for the following three, Like it would be nice. Those get scheduled too after your vacation. You want to schedule them in versus leaving them on a big old list because there's something magical about putting it into your calendar, putting it into your scheduler, whatever you have for you, electronic paper doesn't matter.

It's wherever you keep those things, because now what's happened is they are safe and you can let 'em go because they're. And when it's time, you can take them on and notice what begins to what begins to happen. Notice where you start exhaling more. Notice where you start lightning up. Notice where you can begin to start getting excited about that vacation.

And I promise you, you are not gonna be overwhelmed, stressed, anxious. As you practice this, maybe not the first time, okay? But keep practicing it. And this doesn't just have to be fa for vacations. This could be for any downtime. Maybe you're taking a mental health day or you, you know, you've got one that's coming up that you wanna take.

Maybe it's just like a day off, because I said, so maybe it's the weekend. You can practice this in so many ways. The point being is that we're removing. Because all of a sudden, for whatever reason, when we, it's time to go do something for ourself and have a little fun and rejuvenation, we should on ourselves as if like we will suddenly become very guilty about that

I don't know where that came from, but that's another episode. Okay, so this is the practice that is like tried and true. I promise you It works. It's so great and. I wanna invite you to try that on. So try that on, like for a downtime weekend versus working through the weekend. Try that on for, you know, taking a day off.

Try that on for a vacation and see what fits. See what works for you, what doesn't. Remember the strategy. Here's the three non-negotiables. Here's if there's time, and then those are three more, and then it would be nice. Those are three more. Remember, they are safe in your calendar. They're safe in your schedulers, They're safe in your planners.

They are safe. Okay? And first and foremost, make sure you're scheduling in the things that are gonna support you being on vacation, like the packing and any instructions, things like that. All right, So here's just some downtime and managing yourself without the shoulds. Are you here for, I'm here for it.

You wanna really make sure you commit to the downtime and really see what is going to be available for you there, because again, like Alicia says, recharge your spirit in ways that you never imagine you get to. You deserve it. So let's go. All right. Thank you. Oh. So much I, this is always just so much fun to talk about removing shoulds from things.

I love it. So thank you so much for listening to this episode. And remember, go to the show notes, check out the, um, podcast episodes that I promised to link in there. Um, check out, uh, the upcoming workshop. It's gonna be so. Fun. And remember, we have a choice to lead our life or lead from circumstance. We really get to, We really get to, we get to choose our experience.

So why not come from purpose and passion and being organized about it? How about that? Why not giving yourself permission to take some downtime and manage yourself in preparation for that? Why not give yourself permission to also recharge your. How about that without any of the shoulds. All right, I'm excited.

I cannot wait to see what occurs as you practice that. So remember, go to those curiosity challenges, stay curious, my friends, and let me know how it's going. So next week we're gonna talk about holidays. We are gonna talk about the holidays and removing shoulds from that too. I am excited about that. So have a great week ahead and you know the drill, if it's not shaping up the way you want it to switch.

You choose. All right. Have a great week. I'll talk with you all soon. Take care. Thanks for listening to another episode of, Let's Be Honest, Before we start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in your life, head over to kelly j and connect with me on Instagram at Coach Kelly. If this episode was helpful for you, please feel free to share it with friends.

Rate and review it on iTunes. That's Apple Podcasts now, and at any time, feel free to connect with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're working on. I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening, and here's to you taking the lead in your life.