This week we dark a dark turn with the Album Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde. A dark work, the album would mark the last time the band would be able to handle such material again. Long a favorite band of many musicians including local megastars Propagandhi, the album cemented a place in my own greatest albums of all time list, with a perfect 10 out of 10. But just why is that and why does this album not get the spins on Sean’s CD Player that often anymore. We go deep folks and travel into some dark territory, so be warned and take heed, this episode might not be for you. If you are triggered by content that deals with death, depression and suicide, please skip this one. This episode was helping me deal with my own trauma and I needed to do this for me. And if this helps someone else, I am incredibly grateful.

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Hey, folks, new episode of the Sean Geek and Fast RIT podcast.

And I'm putting an episode warning at the beginning of this one.

We're gonna kind of get into some very, very heady topics that might be difficult for some.

This is a very difficult episode to record for myself.

We're gonna be dealing with depression, heavy depression, going to be dealing with suicide.

And look, if this.

If this content's not for you, I'm more than okay if you guys skip this one.

This is one I needed to do for myself and get out there and talk about some really heady stuff about a really heady album that deals with all of that stuff, Concrete Blondes, Bloodletting, which is not for everybody.

And even though it is an incredibly important album for myself, it's an album that I can't usually listen to because of how heavy the topics of suicide and depression feature on this album.

And we're going to be covering this album in full.

So back away now if this is too much for you.

And remember, there's always somebody out there you can talk to.

If you are not feeling good and feeling suicidal or anything like that.

Please, please reach out to somebody.

You know, there is the suicide crisis helpline in Canada you can call, which is 988.

There's always somebody there to talk to you.

Always somebody there to get you through it.

And please look after yourself.

Please take care of yourself, and please reach out.

Welcome to the.

Sean, Geek and Fast podcast.

Yeah, you got it, folks.

It's me again with a little antitude for all you out here in White bread.

We're on 92fm and it feels like a nice clean little band.

So far, no one else is using it.

The price is right did you find you Crusty Dave?

This is bigger than friendship.

This is what you call cosmic.

The Buddhists call it, let me see, Reincarnation.

Musi.

Musi.

Hey, wait a minute.

Since when is Pismo beach in inside.

A cave, I wonder.

You know, I just bet we should have turned left at Albuquerque and then maybe a right turn at La Jola.

Shush.

Hush, please.

Concrete Blondes Bloodletting.

Holy crap.

Incredibly impactful album for me.

Incredibly difficult album for me.

But let's get into this.

It was the third studio album by the band Concrete Blonde.

They were getting some headway on the previous albums, and they're kind of, you know, doing really good.

And then this album came out and Joey was a single and the.

The lead track to the album Bloodletting.

Itself.

Was a gothic reimagining of many things.

It was, I don't know, it was great.

Now how I discovered this album is kind of.

There's a multiple ways that I did.

Primarily it was at James's house and he had a party and he pops this cassette into his stereo and I'm like, holy shit, this is really good.

What the heck is this?

And I hadn't heard the previous two albums.

I was unfamiliar with the band and I was heavily reading into Anne Rice's stuff at the time.

And I'm like, wow, this is like a perfect soundtrack to Interview with the Vampire.

So I'm like, what the heck?

This is like perfect.

And I'm, you know, opening up the cassette and opening up the.

The lyric sheet inside and reading through lyrics.

Oh my God, this is like.

This is hitting everything I really want to hear in an album.

And it's absolutely fantastic.

So I sought it out on my own later and took a lot of read a lot of listen throughs and a lot of read throughs of the lyrics too.

And the one thing I kind of noticed was, was that it totally fit my aesthetic at the time because, I don't know, preemptively, I knew it was going to come.

But the passing of my best friend Richard, which was going to happen a few years later, it was always in the cards and it was always something we always talked about because he had a.

He had something wrong with him.

And the doctors had been predicting he wouldn't survive ever since he was like three or four years old.

And, you know, we're now in our 20s and he had already outlived his lifespan that the doctors had said many times over.

And it was always in the back.

Of my mind and I was always fearing it was going to come.

And I guess since the realization.

That,.

You know, when you're kids you don't really think about things like that, but you know, as you get older there's like, wow, like he could really go at any time.

Something could happen at any time.

And so I was in like a very big depression about that.

And I carried that depression with me all the time.

So this album kind of was a warm blanket for me leading up to his passing.

And I don't know, for some reason at the time, I guess it made me feel good, but it didn't help me get out of the depression.

It kind of helped me sink deeper into the depression I was in at the time.

But for something like I felt, I.

Guess when someone else is sad and.

Depressed, I Was attracted to that.

And I wanted to seek any kind of music that was like that or any kind of people that were like that, so I could comfort them, because I couldn't comfort myself, if that makes sense.

And, I mean, that's the.

That's really the history of why this album hit and why Leonard Cohen and other characters like that from a historical perspective.

I'd also heard Concrete Blonde and the Pump up the Volume soundtrack, which was my favorite movie and probably is still my favorite movie of all time.

And they had a cover of Leonard Cohen song on that soundtrack.

So I was slightly aware.

But then when I was living in Montreal and I was heady into kind of deep and dark and depressing music, I mean, that's really when I really was embracing Concrete Blonde as an entity.

And then when I moved to Winnipeg, heard the cassette from James, I'm like, wow.

Yeah, this is it.

These guys are great.

And I've followed them ever since.

So let's get into the opening track, Bloodletting.

If you want to start an album, this is how you start an album.

It is wicked good.

And here it is.

Okay, so let's analyze this here for a second.

So you've got the.

The sound effects in the beginning leading off the song.

That fucking bass line is so killer.

This is not a metal song.

But you can hear the metal production on this song.

This song is fucking amazing and mind blowing.

How great it is, how perfect it is.

And even the lyrics, man, there's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed repeated, oh, you were a vampire, baby and I'm a walking dead I've got the ways and means to New Orleans.

Here we go.

Interview with a vampire.

I'm going down by the river where it's warm and green I'm going to have a drink oh, yeah.

What are you talking about Here, baby.

And walk around.

I got a lot to think about.

Oh, yeah.

They used to dance in the garden in the middle of the night Dancing out in the garden in the middle of the night oh, you were a vampire And I may never see the light this so face value, me hearing this.

Face value.

Huge fan of Anne Rice, huge fan of the Vampire Chronicles or Trilogy or whatever it was called.

Read the books multiple times.

I even did a crossover event between our bookstore and the movie theater.

Because when Interview at the Vampire came out, like, huge influence.

I own multiple versions of the Vampire Chronicles at home.

Huge influence to me.

So then I hear the song, I was like, this is perfect.

This is perfect.

So I'm like, well, what's the rest of the album like?

You know, because I hear it at the party, and I'm like, this is amazing.

And, you know, I'd also discovered Bella, the ghost.

He's dead, but Bauhaus, you know, we can play that right now if we want.

And it was just like, oh, my God, this is so good, so good, so good.

And I'm like, propagandi is inspired by this band.

I can hear it just in the production value, how this is put together.

And, I mean, this song is great.

There's nothing wrong with this song, but I'm not a lyric guy generally.

But I started pouring over the lyrics in these songs, and I'm realizing that maybe there's more than just.

Maybe it's more than just about vampires when they're saying vampire.

Maybe there's more ways around it.

And then later, finding out the inspirations of this album, her head state going into this album, and how she was really messed up, like, really in a bad way.

And I was in a bad way, too.

At that time.

I was.

I was very frustrated.

I was feeling unheard.

When I moved back to Winnipeg, I had built up all this positive energy from Montreal.

Montreal.

Everyone was friendly.

Everyone was nice.

I had a lot of great friendships there.

I made a lot of lifelong friends.

I made a lot of lifelong musical connections.

I discovered who I was, what I was, and it was okay to be me.

It was the first time I was okay to be me.

And then I moved back to Winnipeg.

And it's still the same old grind that I had when I lived here before, where no one would give me the time of day.

I was having a hard time making friendships.

And honestly, when I moved here, I got involved in a couple of relationships that did not go well.

Did not go well at all.

I don't know if I want to go into detail as to what happened in those relationships, but what I will say is it messed me up a lot.

And it made me more introspective, more quiet, less willing to share who I was to the world and made me hide a little bit more.

And this album was with the depressing lyrics and the.

The way this is put together.

Like, this was my mind state.

This album was my existence from, you know, when I moved back to Winnipeg to all the way up until.

Honestly, it was.

Yeah.

Until I met Sylvie, my wife, who I love so much.

I was not in a good headspace.

And this album was my constant soundtrack to who I was and how I felt.

I was a Miserable sod.

I was not happy.

People asked me how I'm doing, I'm fine.

But it was a lie, you know, I was.

I just wasn't in a good place.

And all of my lyric writing really reflected my.

You know, I was kind of at a point where I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna live to be 30.

And I didn't even know if I wanted to live to be 30.

And I know that's not good.

And don't worry, I'm in a good headspace and now I'm in a great headspace and I ain't never going back to that headspace again.

No one's gonna let me get there.

But there was a lot of people that weren't around me at the time to tell me I was, you know, a half decent person and that I was okay and the things I was doing was good.

I just.

So it was a really testy time.

So this album really resonated with me because I can feel what you're feeling.

So let's go through the track listing here.

So I mean, as an opener, like it doesn't get better than this.

The sky is a Poisonous Garden is great.

And it is, you know, it was my favorite song for a while because it's a faster beat.

I like the tempo, I like what's going on.

I actually like the guitar.

And I do want to mention this is not a guitar album.

The guitar seems like a secondary instrument a lot of the time.

But we're going to get into that as we get through some more of the tracks.

But the skies of Poisonous Garden is great.

And then.

Here's the thing, the production on the vocal is so great.

And she's not over singing.

She's under singing in a lot of places because there's this emotion coming through.

There's parts where she could go, but she's going no.

And she just kind of like it shuts down.

And you can tell she's feeling the words she's singing.

She's not just singing a song, she's feeling the words she's singing and she's going through the emotions as she's singing these words.

Because these words mean a lot.

And there's a lot of inflection and choice of where.

Where to place the stress on, you know, on the consonant or whatever in a lot of the.

This song, it's a.

It's a great song.

Hell, we're gonna play it right now.

Sun don't rise sun don't shine so don't bring tomorrow to justify tonight.

Sip your tequila Give me some time to unlearn All I've learned For the spring to unwind and came your sweet gentle mouth that began to move by they knew it pretty dark they knew in the day they knew what they had would be A naked pray from outside By a world full of oyster and apes out of this world out of this time out of control they were out of their minds this world and the stars are bright D.

She.

Said please don't go he said, please don't go and she sighed and she died in his arms and he cried Never more.

Is a For the star of tonight the sky is a For the star of tonight the sky is a.

Okay, just rereading the lyrics as we listen to it.

Oh, my God.

I.

Again, my state of mind at the time.

This is why I can't even listen to this album anymore.

But I'm listening to it today for you, for our audience, our paying audience.

So the stars above shine down below the fever you hold on this night Deathly cold He can feel from his side of the door he could feel Eleanor.

Oh, I don't like where this is going.

He said sun don't rise he said sun don't shine he said don't bring tomorrow to justify tonight the moon is full and the stars are bright and the sky is a poisonous garden tonight Sip your tequila Give me time.

Sorry.

Give me some time to unlearn All I've learned For the spring to unwind and then came your sweet gentle mouth I begin to move mine Holy fuck.

Like, these lyrics are amazing.

Brooding.

There's a sense of depression in here.

I mean, again, could be the vampire theme theme going on, but again, I'm seeing more in these lyrics.

This is so good, man.

How do you write this?

Well, and just the way she sings all this stuff, it's just.

It's absolutely, absolutely phenomenal.

Now, I believe Caroline was also a single.

It's a good song.

It's a bit more catchy.

It's a bit more commercial.

However, still the underlying narrative on this album, and this really feels like a concept album.

I hear you're driving someone else's car now.

She said you came and took your stuff away.

All the poetry and the trunk you kept your life in.

I knew that it would come to that someday.

Like a. Oh, my God.

Like a sad hallucination when I up.

I can't even sing It.

When I opened up my eyes, the train had passed the station and you were trapped inside the whole.

The phrasing she's using here.

And then she's like.

Yet I never wonder where you went I only wonder why I wonder why Holy.

Like, what is this song about?

It's so sad.

I honestly.

Well, I hear you using someone else's number she said she saw you in the store today it doesn't matter whose address you're listed under I only know they'll never make you stay Like a memory in motion you were only passing through that is all you've ever known of life that's all you'll ever do There's a dream I have where I sail away looking back I wave at you and I wave goodbye.

God damn it.

This is like a.

This should be in a fucking poetry book.

This is absolutely, unbelievably great.

Like, this.

This is not.

This is not normal.

This is not normal, normal songwriting.

This is.

Next level Haskins scale again.

10.

No, no, 10 out of 10.

Not enough.

This is a thousand out of 10.

This is so phenomenal.

I could never, in my best day, write a lyric and a melody a tenth as good as this.

On my best fucking day.

I could never write anything approaching this level of amazingness.

And again, the music, the lyrics, the melody, great, but the music is also taking you in that same position.

This, the heartbeat.

Her bass playing is phenomenal.

And it is so good.

It's so good.

So unbelievably good.

Next track is Darkening of the Light.

The mandolin, I believe that's mandolin in this song, is so good.

This feels.

Now, I didn't realize this till this exact moment, but there's a song I wrote for my grandmother.

Maybe I'll just insert a second of it here, if I may.

3, 2, 1.

So I had a dream of my grandmother and myself, and we were in the.

I don't know where we were.

Probably early America, Louisiana, perhaps, or somewhere down there.

And I was a.

It was the weirdest dream, man.

I was an urchin.

I was on the street, I was begging, and I had nothing.

And I was, you know, not eating every day.

It was begging on the streets.

I don't even think I had a roof over my head.

And I remember looking up at this mansion.

It looked like a, you know, Louisiana plantation mansion sort of thing.

And I remember looking up and the window.

This isn't my dream.

This is like the craziest dream.

And trust me, there's.

We're getting to a point here, but I remember looking up at the window and there's a girl there, my age.

Because I'm a young.

I don't think I'm a man.

I think I'm still like 10, 11, 12 years old.

And I see a girl in the window of this beautiful, beautiful mansion, and she's staring out the window and crying.

And I wrote a song based on that dream, based on that moment.

And the song came together very quickly.

I had everything written, and then I. I had the.

I had everything in my head.

I went to Todd right away.

I'm like, todd, here's the guitar riff.

Can you.

Can you play this?

And I mouthed.

I mouthed it out to him because I don't play guitar.

I'm like, wait, it goes like this.

I'm like, can.

Can you do this?

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do it.

So we recorded it, and it was recorded instantly, basically.

It was an album.

I'd written all the songs, and Todd played on a few of the tracks, but this.

This song was.

Was on there.

And so anyway, when I played the song.

So I recorded the song as quick as I could, and I played the song to my Grandmother Dora.

And she listened, and she was quiet.

She did not say a word.

She listened to the whole thing, beginning to end.

Not a perfect recording of the song.

We do need to redo that song at some point, but.

So she listened all the way through, and she looked at me and she said.

What did she say?

She said something along the lines of like, she had the same dream, too.

We both had that same dream, and she was the person in the window and I was the person outside.

And we were reflecting how we lived in two different worlds.

Like, she lived in the world of the rich and she was sad, and I lived in the world of poor, and I was sad.

And it was like a song that transcends.

Like, you can be sad.

It doesn't matter what side of the fence you're on, you can be sad.

And we had a kinship, and it was almost.

And then my grandmother's like, you know, she saw the imagery.

She told me the imagery from the song.

This sounds the same.

This.

I can.

I can.

This is like a sister song.

And I'm pretty sure I got inspiration from this song.

This is so evocative.

This is so.

I. I'm there.

I'm there.

This.

This longing, this.

You know, I lost someone, and they're gone but I still feel them around Just this is like, man, just so well done.

So well done.

Now the next song I I'm going to play in its entirety, and then we're going to talk about it.

You always said it was a lie we burned like a house on fire no matter what you know that to be true Everything you gave to me change changed everything I used to be much more than anyone I ever knew I don't need a hero I don't need a soldier did when I was younger now that I'm older I don't need a father I don't want to be a mother it's just that any one of us.

Piece of time was still so fresh inside my mind makes the movie of my life seem pale all the games I have to play I got to give a lot of me away Part with us will never be for sale I don't need a hero I don't need a soldier didn't when I was younger now that I'm older I don't need a father I don't want to be your mother it's just that any one of us is half without another one is you.

It.

Words of love have been confused and the ways of love have been abused Is this a lottery you win or lose?

I don't know it's an endless circle over time.

The place inside where I hold and find sweet and happy music in my soul I don't need a hero I don't need a soldier I did when I was younger but now I'm so much older I don't need a father I don't want to be your mother Just that any one of us is half of that another one is you.

Is you.

I defy anyone to listen to that song and co like, really listen to the song, listen to her singing, listen to the words, listening to the percussion and the guitar and the guitar solo in this song.

Wow.

So I defy you to listen to this song and not break down.

God, I don't even know what to say about this song.

It is so.

This was the song that destroyed me every time.

And I think again, like, we.

I was telling, you know, kind of a bit about my relationship with my dad and, you know, he was.

He was a tough man growing up.

And we came to head.

And I was.

I shot back at him for every time growing up that he might not have been the best father and made him kind of realize you know, how.

How that impacted me and my brother and he.

I swear to God, it was a light bulb moment.

And I don't know, man.

Like, this song reminds me of that moment.

Again, songs have personal connections with personal.

With specific things that happened.

And this connects with that moment.

When I don't need a hero.

What's the line here?

I did when I don't need a hero, I don't need a soldier.

I did when I was younger but now that I'm older, I don't need a father.

I don't want to be your mother.

It's just that any one of us is half without another one is you.

I know this is not what the song is actually about, but then again, the universe set.

The universality of lyrics is that this was about my strained relationship with my father and how the argument that we had, which was.

Which is a huge argument, man.

I don't know.

I could go on, but I.

Maybe I shouldn't.

This is really tough for me.

So let's just move on to the next song.

It's.

It's.

I'm very curious what other people read in these lyrics and if they make a personal connection themselves.

The next song is.

Starts off side two.

Days and days.

The dirty leaves are sailing on a hot wind ocean and the summer comes and summer goes and always has and will and something somewhere that you said goes ricochet all through my head and flashing like a neon sign the time stood still and I was up forever Running all together like the crossroads of a minute.

Another great song, one that I appreciate more and more.

I didn't.

I. I liked it.

It was like one of my favorites because again, I like my uptempo songs and I like this song.

And I thought it was good.

And I never really looked into lyrically or anything like that.

But then later, as I'm coming back to it, and it's like, this is a really great song.

Is it my favorite song of the album?

Nah, probably not anymore.

I think I get more resonance with other things that happen this album, but nonetheless a great song.

Definitely doesn't get a down vote for me.

The song after this, again, like this one, it might have been considered a weaker song by me at the time, but it's not.

There's a lot of things going on in this next song called the Beast.

Take a listen.

Blood and murder colliding so fine between coping and hurting.

Great tune.

Here.

Love is the ghost haunting your head Love is the killer you thought was your friend Love is the creature who lives in the dark sneaks up, will stick you and painfully pick you apart.

Love is a poet, Love sings the songs pointing his finger you follow along, voices are calling, the monster wants out of you, paws you and claws you, try not to fall.

Love is the leech sucking you up.

Love is a vampire drunk on your blood.

Love is the beast that will tear out your heart hungrily, lick it and painfully pick it apart.

Look, she was hurt by love.

We've all been hurt by love at one point or another, except those that marry the high school sweethearts and are still together.

But I went through a lot of.

Shh.

Well, not a lot.

I'm exaggerating.

I went through a couple of really, really bad relationships.

And this was the.

Yeah.

Love is not real.

Love is not a thing.

People are or are evil.

Everyone wants to hurt people.

I had such.

This negative headspace about relationships and all that sort of stuff because I had been with people that were going through stuff and were not in the right headspace to be in a relationship.

And that damage I was suffering, I was not in the right headspace to be with anybody either.

So you take a couple of people that are not in a good headspace, they're both broken, and they both get together.

Like, it's not going to be good.

It's not going to be good.

It's not going to be good at all.

Like, so I was, you know, I was in a bad space and this.

This song was like, yeah, like, love is not a real thing.

It's just something that people pine about.

It's fantasy.

It's all this sort of stuff.

So, sorry, dude.

This song has a lot of impact.

The next song is also great.

It's called the.

Sorry.

It's called Lullaby.

Her execution on the vocals in this song are beautiful.

And as I listened to this much later in life, having a couple of kids and the importance of a lullaby.

And there was a period there where I was singing, particularly Abby to sleep.

Every night I would sing Lullaby.

I would make up songs to lull her to sleep.

And just that sense of protection and wanting to be everything for them.

The safe place to fall, the deep hug you need when you know I just.

Being protective of your kids and loving your kids and willing to do anything to keep them safe.

This is what I'm getting.

Like a blanket on your shoulder and the moon is like a mother looking over you forever and the dawn is so familiar you you were meant to be together Like a fog around a mountain forever, forever and ever when she says it's like, oh, my God.

I just.

I love my kids so much, and I know that's not likely.

I think there's a.

There's a sense of loss, of losing someone very important to you in the song.

But again, a song can have many different meanings and interpretations, and for me, this is looking after my kids and being worried about them because, you know, we've had some issues with the kids that we've had to work through to keep them safe and to keep them protected.

And I hear the song, and I just, like.

I just want to go hug my kids and make sure they're okay, make sure they know I love them all this sort of thing.

This song is, like, great.

The next song on the album is the big hit, and honestly, it used to play quite a bit when I was working in the bookstore on the radio station.

And I kind of got sick of the song for a while because it was overplayed quite a bit in Canada anyway.

But I've come back around to the song.

This song is great.

It's really good.

The next song is called Joey,.

Joey Baby.

So in hindsight, I feel like I am Jeanette in this song, and I'm singing to one of my exes, and I'm like, what the hell's going on?

You know, why is things not working?

What is wrong with you now?

Like, well, what.

What.

What problem are we having now?

It's the same problem over and over.

And I'm doing my best to deal with the problem.

Won't go into details here, but let's just say that the relationships I talked about before, well, this is about that.

Person.

And kind of picking up the pieces every time and saying, okay, well, maybe this is the last time.

Maybe this is the last problem.

Maybe this is the last occurrence.

And the.

The interesting thing was, at the time, at each of those times, I'm very private.

And I wasn't sharing what was going on.

I wasn't sharing the duplicitous details about what was going on because I was being pretty protective.

Again, Lullaby at the time for me was me protecting and not letting people know the truth about some of the ugly stuff that was happening.

And me trying my best to, like, you know what?

She'll be better.

We can.

I can help make her better.

I can.

You know, I can be reassured.

Like, I can reassure her.

I can make her feel better.

I can look after her.

I can, you know, save her from herself.

I can.

I was trying to do all these things, but I was not equipped.

And this song, to me Just feels like that.

Okay, I'm gonna lie for you again.

I'm not gonna let people know what's going on.

I'll make up a story about what really happened.

And then in the end.

So here's the thing about when you are covering for people, covering certain behaviors and certain things that are happening, you become enabling of that behavior by covering it up and not letting the truth come out.

And it's not my place to say, this person did that, this person did that.

Hey, everybody, this is what's really happening.

It's not my place to do that.

But covering over and over again, the things that are happening, it's.

It's destructive in the end.

And in the end, like, I'm not.

I don't have the tools to look after these things.

And Joey is the epitome of a song where you're covering and covering.

It's like, okay, you know what?

This is probably the last time.

But you know what?

Maybe you hurt me, but I'm okay now.

We get past that last incident that just happened.

Let's move on.

And you know what?

We have good days and we, you know, we love each other and all this stuff.

But then the bad day comes again, you know, Read through the lyrics, man.

Detours, fences I get defensive I know you've heard it all before so I won't say it anymore Yep, I just stand by and let you fight your secret war and I thought I used to wonder why and sorry.

And though I used to wonder why I used to cry till I was dry still sometimes I get a strange pain inside oh, Jury.

Joey, if you're hurting, so am I.

This is me singing to somebody for sure.

Anyway, we're going to the last song.

I'm going to play the whole thing.

And, boy, this song had a lot of resonance for me.

How do I say this?

Okay, so my best friend growing up died at 25.

It was.

Probably the worst I ever felt in my life.

And the loss of him really drove the next 10 years of my life from 25 to 35.

And the relationships I was in before his passing and after his passing and for many years after his passing guided my inner.

It guided how I viewed the world.

It was very negative.

It took me a long time to grieve.

And Honestly, it was 10 years after his passing that I met my wife, Sylvie.

And it was at that moment that I allowed myself to end the grieving.

I still miss.

I still miss that guy more than you realize.

But at least I had someone who cared for me.

Deeply.

Who I could talk to about these feelings I had and I could actually be myself with.

And you know that 10 years of.

10 Years of grief is what it was.

And again, I can't say it enough.

This album is all that.

That's.

That's exactly where my headspace was.

And if this last song doesn't destroy you, there's something wrong with you.

Because it destroys me every time I hear it.

So here we go.

It's called Tomorrow, Wendy.

It is complete now.

Two ends of time are neatly tied oh, wide with street she's walking to the end of the line and there she meets the faces she keeps in her heart and mind they say goodbye tomorrow when you're going to die.

Tomorrow when we are going to die.

Underneath the chilly gray November sky We can make believe that Kennedy is still alive we're shooting for the moon and smiling Jack is driving by they say good try tomorrow going to die.

I told the priest don't count on any second coming kick the first time he came down his stomach he had the most to come the thoughts would die and then forgive us no, I don't wonder why I wonder what it thought it would get us hey, hey Goodbye tomorrow When he's going to die Sam.

Sa.

God.

Goodbye tomorrow.

When.

That.

Hey Goodbye tomorrow when he going to die Goodbye tomorrow When he is going to die.

Holy balls.

Holy balls.

That one's heavy.

It was actually a single.

I didn't realize this.

It's not.

Jeanette didn't write this song.

It was written by.

Oh my God.

It is pre boy.

Pre boy.

So.

Tamora Wendy was inspired by the suicide of a woman who Priest Boy had known from a young age when they were both growing up in East Chicago.

Wendy later turned to prostitution and drugs.

And when she was diagnosed with hiv, she decided to die by suicide by taking a heroin overdose rather than go to die of an AIDS related disease.

And is quoting Pre Boy.

What the hell is his name?

Wendy was the type that just bided her time, took drugs and took what was offered to her.

Her suicide was the one big time in her life when she'd look when she took charge.

Basically, the song is a conversation she's having with the mirror.

These are the feelings of rage that Wendy felt.

Oh my God.

I don't even know if I could.

I'm gonna play the original version.

It is completely.

Two ends of time are neatly tied A one way street she's walking to the end of the line There she meets the faces she keeps in her heart and mind they Say goodbye Tomorrow Wendy is going to die.

Tomorrow Wendy is going to die.

Underneath the chilly gray November sky.

You can make believe that Kennedy is still alive by they're shooting for the moon and smiling Jack is driving by this.

And honestly, this was me grieving my friend, my best friend, Shouting at the skies, cursing God, giving him crisis of faith, crisis of belief in anything.

If the, you know, one of the best people on the planet gets taken from all of us, who impacted all of us, who is important to all of us gets taken away, then what kind of world do we live in?

And then the people that survive and the people that are taken away.

That there's.

The tally doesn't add up properly.

Like the.

The wicked continue and the.

The kind souls don't.

Anyway.

What a way to end a record.

I understand why Jeanette never wanted to make a record like this again.

I wouldn't want to make a record like this ever.

I have done recordings.

I have written songs that are this sad and depressing.

And I think you all can understand why this song is probably the best song on the album, why this song is important, why this song is influential.

And to finish off, Bloodletting is a classic, not just for good songs or great songs, but for emotional intensity, emotional integrity, and for taking you somewhere and then dumping you at the end in your own misery.

It's not an album I can listen to often, and I have to be sure I'm strong when I do, because it is a bit of a soundtrack for that lost 10 years of life that I had after my friend's passing.

And I don't know if.

If those of you listening to the episode, look, you don't like the album, you don't like the band, that's fine.

It's totally fine.

But this album is so fucking important.

And this is an album that broke me and strongly influenced.

Influenced my songwriting afterwards.

If you listen to Paradigm off our Dome album, it definitely gets inspiration from this album in terms of emotional intensity.

And I. I challenge anybody to have that has listened to our band Dome and that has listened to that song to actually listen to the lyrics and see if you can draw the story line that runs through that.

It is.

It's an emotional song.

And when we played it live, I always struggled with it.

And there was one show that we played when we played that song.

I'll just probably play it at the end of the episode anyway.

But there's a.

We played this at the Saint Boniface.

At Saint Boniface.

Saint B.

Club Saint B.

And I remember people in the audience were just standing there watching us perform the song and they were, they weren't rocking out, they weren't moshing, they were just paying attention and when the song was done they the cheering was through the roof and everybody looked really emotional.

So you know what, we'll just.

You know what?

Instead of ending on the downer that is tomorrow Wendy, maybe we'll end on the downer that is paradigm and see if you guys can put together what you think that song is about.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Thanks for joining us on breaking I hope you enjoyed the episode this is one I'd wanted to do for a number of years and was too afraid to do but today I had the courage.

May you also have the courage and if you are facing hard times, despair, depression, please reach out, even reach out to me, man.

I will do my best to lift you up and hopefully clear the fog because everyone is beautiful and everyone deserves to be heard.

Peace out.