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Ep 126: Move Over Overwhelm
Episode 12619th September 2022 • Lets Be Honest Before We Start Pretending • Kelly Mobeck
00:00:00 00:21:56

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Remember how we talked about overwhelm being a choice? And how we don’t wake up in the morning accounting “I would love a big helping of overwhelm and make it extra crispy”!  It’s a series of choices we are making or not making and it’s time to stop the madness!  Finally here we are at the “ways to prevent it part” - phew huge sigh of relief, am I right?!

Here are the highlights:

(01:50) It’s time to sniff out the overwhelm

(04:59) What is the shift you want to create?

(08:39) Setting boundaries is challenging but not impossible

(14:00) FOMO vs JOMO

(17:38) You do not have to choose overwhelm

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Transcripts

Hey everyone. I'm Kelly Mok, a coach, and a leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your gifts. You're unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders don't wait.

They create, I know firsthand that life is gonna throw us curve. That we're gonna doubt our greatness, our ideas, and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe in yourself beyond reason, and I get to be a coach and a champion for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and most important in action toward your unique impact in this world.

So let's jump in. Hey there everyone. It's coach Kelly here and welcome to episode 1 26 of let's be honest before we start pretending. And we are continuing today with our overwhelm series, but as you are all beginning to see, we're not just having all these conversations about overwhelm. We're looking at ways.

First of all, we looked at what is it? What is it really remember? It's a choice. Not that we're like waking up asking for that choice. It's a series of choices that then creates the choice of overwhelm in our life. And then we've looked at where it comes from internally, externally. And today we are gonna talk about ways in which we can prevent O.

Hello. I am here for that. Um, here for that. Now we're still gonna have moments where overwhelm is happening. That's part of life. And my goal here with y'all today is that we have some strategies in place or some disciplines that we wanna work on to create some habits. So that we don't keep making the choices that lead up to overwhelm so that we don't hit that road to exhaustion and burnout.

How great is that gonna be? And here's the thing by committing. To creating some new disciplines, some new habits to help keep you out of overwhelm and practicing that guess what? Here's the very good news. You are going to begin to sniff out overwhelm before it really becomes. Whew taking you out, so to speak right before it becomes real heavy.

Okay. You'll sniff it out. You'll see it coming. You'll feel it coming. You might even hear it coming and you will be able to course correct. So again, I just wanna say overwhelm is a choice. It is again, not like we wake up and go all, take all the overwhelm today. Just make it a big heaping pile of it. What it is it.

Absolutely a series of choices that we're making, or have not made quite frankly, that is now CR creating that overwhelm in our life. So we've gotta get into ownership about that. That's a number one. Number two. Where is it coming from? Is it internal overwhelm? Is it coming from maybe self limiting beliefs?

Is it coming from doubting myself? Is the imposter having a field day with me? Is it that I am overthinking things and not willing to make a decision. Is it, you know, I mean, we go on and on, right. You guys can go back and listen to that episode and really dig in and find out what's true. That was the two places it came from was episode 1 25 last week.

Is it external? Is it external? Overwhelm things that could be tied to circumstances that are happening in our life, where we do not feel we have control fun fact. We don't always have control. Okay. Control is an illusion. Is it that we haven't set up some boundaries for ourselves is the overwhelm coming, you know, from our boss, is it coming from colleagues, teammates where, you know, family members all over the place.

Okay. External whatever's outside of you, internals inside externals out and really looking and seeing. Where is this coming from? And sometimes it's coming from both. That's the double whammy as I call it. Sometimes it's coming from both. And our jobs as leaders is to get in ownership. Okay. And not be. Not let ourselves get under it or really be that, you know, sort of victim to it.

And it's so easy to do. Right? Like being victim is almost easier being a martyr, almost easier. It really is, but it doesn't feel great. And then guess what it contributes to more, it simply contributes to more overwhelm. So getting an ownership for where is this coming? Internal external or a little bit of both.

And what is the shift I wanna create. Okay. So here's the thing, one of the things that you wanna look at as ways to prevent overwhelm is you wanna be looking at what is it that I wanna create in my life? What's the experience that I want to have. Okay. What do I. What's the experience I wanna have. You can include others.

Okay. That's okay. Right. And why is this important? Why is this important? I probably have said this in some way, one way or another on almost every episode of this podcast is that your. Purpose and outcomes matter, and they are the grounding foundation of everything. Okay. So you can look at that with everything.

So you've gotta really, in order to take the lead in our lives and not have overwhelm creep in, we've gotta get into okay. What must I put in place so that I prevent it. And that's gonna require you really looking and being honest with yourself, asking you some questions, that's going to reveal your truth and you gotta do it from a neutral place.

Okay. It's, it's challenging so many times we wanna just make ourselves even more wrong about the choices we've been making or not making. Please don't go there. If you find that you're going there, when you're doing this neutral evaluation of what's occurring in your life, such that you're creating that overwhelm so that you can create some strategies so that you don't have overwhelm, be neutral with yourself, because if you do it from a place of want, want, want, and I'm bad.

And do, do, do, do, do, you're gonna create more over. By the way that is completely your choice, because you are literally choosing to sort of bash yourself if you will, for choices that you've made or not made. And I want y'all to remember, we make the best choices with the information we have at the time.

Often there are other possibilities, other choices we maybe just didn't see it or have access to it. And that point is. What can we learn from it so that we can have something different in the future? That's what it's all about. So first discipline that you wanna put into place is getting really honest about what's occurring from you with a neutral stance.

It's information is not always gonna feel great. Feel your feels it's okay. Just don't invite your judge to come in and really like bash you. Okay. Just let's not do that. That's not useful or resourceful. Okay. So get into ownership about it and then begin to look and see, okay. I, what is required for me to unload?

Overwhelm in my life. And it could be a lot of things. There could be a lot of things that can contribute. So one of the challenges I'm gonna ask you guys to take on is really think about in my life. What are some of those possibilities, things that I wanna shift, and today I'm gonna share with you just a few things that I find can be.

Pretty common with people. Okay. So for my people pleasers out there, number one, you've gotta be rock solid about your priorities, and you've gotta put yourself on your list first because you've gotta be able to set boundaries. And with people pleasing, it's very challenging to set boundaries, very, very challenging, but I'm gonna suggest not impossible.

It's gonna require setting up a new discipline and creating a. And it takes time to create a habit. I don't know who said it takes 21 days, but it takes a lot longer because you know, we've created some non-working habits over time. okay. So give yourself like exhale. That was not an exhale. Whew. That was an exhale, exhale.

Okay. Exhale, and give yourself the time to create new habits. It's gonna be require what's gonna be required, is creating some new disciplines. Yay. We can do that. Okay. So for people pleasers, it's really about owning being an ownership that you are literally not in charge of anybody else's happys. Not your job.

You are not in charge of fixing anything for anybody, not your job. It is also not your job to come in and rescue, okay. Not your job. Okay. What your job is, is to get honest about what's this people pleasing thing really about is my identity attached to it. Does it make me feel validated? What is it really about so that you can begin to start.

Letting that go releasing the chains that really are like just holding you down seriously. It is time because over time. It is a straight shot to exhaustion and burnout and even health problems. It is so true. So true. And I say this, you you're gonna hear me come in super firm on this because I am a recovering people pleaser and I am so looking forward to continued growth in that way, continued disciplines and creating those shifts that that doesn't happen.

Okay. Everybody else is in charge of their life, their happiness, not, not, not, not you. Okay. So. You've gotta put yourself first on your list. You've gotta look and make you. A non-negotiable and focus on first things. First, I remember taking a class with Franklin Covey years ago when I was in banking. It was awesome.

Awesome. And almost unheard of, I can't, so many people were challenging. The facilitator. I really felt for her because she was drop in knowledge. She was drop in tools and they were uncomfortable. Because, you know, in corporate it can be really hard. Like everything is urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, and I've gotta like drop everything and do this and do do do versus this is my role.

This is what I'm accountable for. And what boundaries do I get to put into place so that I can focus on first things first, by the way, the course was called. First things first, that's what it was called. And again, very challenging for, for almost every of every one of us in the class. And that poor facilitator got challenged, but, but she, she, she was onto something.

It was a brilliant class because it was the first glimpse into yes, you can create boundaries, even when you report to someone, you can, you really can. Okay. It's about getting accountable. What your priorities are. Okay. So that's first and foremost. And then what are the boundaries that are required and what support do I require?

So if you have a hard time with this, find someone who is opposite of that, find someone in your life that does not have a people pleasing bone in their body and let them help. Seriously, polar opposite and together, right? Like they'll come in hot with like, I don't even know why that's a problem. Why are you worried about that?

Don't take that on. It's just remember people pleasing is outside of their frame of reference in the world, in their life. So that's who you wanna talk to because. Able to say, no, they're able to create boundaries and they are probably thriving in a lot of ways. So lean into them, learn from them, grow with them.

Now that's not to say that people, those that are not people pleasers do not have overwhelm, that is gonna be a whole different, a whole different story for them. So for those of you who are actually really great at saying no and having boundaries. In place and, and, and prioritizing what's important to you.

Awesome. You're that is amazing. Check in and see, what is it? Where is it that I may get challenged with overwhelm? Is it in risk taking, is it in sometimes making decisions? Is it when my perfectly laid out plan gets railroaded? Like, what is it like go, I could go on and on and on find out what it is for you.

Okay. There's no right or wrong answer for this. What's true. Is what's your answer? Y'all for what your answer is. Okay. And just be people pleasing stop. That doesn't mean you're bad. Not people B pleasing doesn't mean you're good. Like let's drop all of that. Okay. Let's focus on end. What's gonna support you in moving forward with zero judgment.

Okay. Now here's the other thing, and I love this so much FOMO. FOMO can 110% contribute to creating choices that are gonna lead you to overwhelm. And FOMO is the fear of missing out. I'm sure we've talked about this on an episode and whether you like this is for everybody, right? FOMO. I wanna be involved.

I wanna contribute. I wanna be here, like all the things. And what I'm gonna suggest is that we literally do not really have the capacity for all of the things. And so we've gotta get really honest again, what I'm choosing. Is that in alignment with where I wanna serve, where I wanna make an impact and what my priorities are.

Is it really in alignment? Now? It, we can get sneaky with that. Like, especially if we're coming from a servant's heart where we wanna serve. Ooh, really? It's sometimes it's not okay to actually focus on ourself. A lot of people have that self limiting belief that that's actually selfish, but I'm here to say.

No, it's not because you cannot serve from an empty cup. You can't, you've gotta pour into yourself first, before you pour into others. Okay. You've got to so BOMO, isn't just fear of missing out on all the good and exciting and the, this and the, that FOMO can often be. I should. Serving I should be on that committee.

I should be a contribution there do not should on yourself. It's not pretty know you. Don't get to how about that? Okay. Notice that it's coming from shoulds. Shoulds is a quick sand, like it just, it's gonna drag you down. So don't do that instead. Ask the question. Is this really in alignment with where I am moving to make, like where I'm moving and growing, making an impact, is this serving the outcomes that I'm creating in my life?

The things that I say are important and my priorities, and if the answer's. Don't go. Don't do it. Okay. Just say no. And if the answer is truly yes. Now you've gotta go back and look. Okay. Where am I managing myself through the time that I actually have fun fact, so many time management courses out there so many time management courses and they're fantastic.

They're really great. And here's the funny thing. We don't actually manage time. Because there's the same amount of time, every single day. What we're really managing is ourself through the time that we actually have. Okay. So it means. Where am I managing myself? Where am I letting go of distractions? Where am I procrastinating?

Right. And being an ownership for that. And we've had many episodes on managing our time, seeing our time. I, if you guys remember when, um, Jenny pond Zurich was on wow. Way back in the beginning, and I'll get that episode number for you and put it in the show. Dis show notes. She, she literally was someone who I reached out to.

because I remember feeling super overwhelmed that I didn't have enough time and worked with her on being able to actually see time and the way my brain works and things like that. So just a phenomenal, and that episode by the way is super great. So you wanna listen to it because it's, it's, it's amazing.

So that's one of the things, how are we managing ourself through the time that we have. Are we removing distractions? Are we finding ourself getting procrastinated? Are we not asking for help? Get honest with yourself because those are the things that get to shift. You do not have to go and choose overwhelm.

True story. I like to just pop in a little Diddy called Joe Mo, which stands for the joy of missing out Jomo. The joy of missing out. What it is fantastic. It is fantastic. Like adopting Jomo. I didn't make that up. I read that in a few different places and I think it's amazing Jomo joy of missing out.

Meaning if you're feeling that fo more or that like pull. Jomo the joy of missing out the gratitude of where I am and the happiness and joy for being where I am in my life and really taking on only the things that are in alignment with what I'm up to. I mean, let's just all exhale again. Let's go. Let's hear it for Jomo.

Okay. We've talked about some strategies, some disciplines that you can adopt, you can practice so that you can start creating new habits in your life. 110%. Highly recommend. Now I've dropped in a few. What I'm gonna challenge you to do is really day in and get honest with yourself and find out what drives my overwhelm and what do I actually know where I, what do I know where I need to shift?

Cuz I think we know sometimes we. Kind of have it blocked because we're not willing to sort of face it yet. But I think when we get honest and we dig down deep, we actually do no, it is true. So challenge yourselves to dig in and see, and what has to shift for you so that you can prevent overwhelm and just have that abundant and joyful life and the freedom.

To breathe and exhale seriously. All right. Remember, you have a choice to lead your life or follow your circumstances. Life is about knowing your priorities, your passions, your purpose, your values, and creating the impact in your life and the life of others. So take it on. It is not always gonna look the way we think it's supposed to.

And here's the. Trust that more always gets revealed as we move forward. So take those pauses. Let go of worry. Let go of doubt so that you are leaning in and living fully the best version of yourselves. Truly. You deserve it. Thank you so much for listening today. I know there was some great value for you as you move through your day and take the lead in your.

curiosity challenges because:

And. I really wish you all a wonderful week ahead. Have a great week ahead. And if it's not shaping up the way you want it to, you are in charge. Take the lead and create a fantastic one. Take care, everyone we'll talk next week. Thanks for listening to another episode of let's be honest before we start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in your life.

Head over to Kelly J mok.com and connect with me on Instagram at coach Kelly Mok. If this episode was helpful for you, please feel free to share it with friends rate and review it on iTunes. That's apple podcasts now, and at any time, feel free to connect with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're working on.

I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening and here's to you taking the lead in your life.

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