Today we talk about striving for understanding and authenticity with Rachel. She's currently a medical social worker that has worked with children's mental health and a plethora of medical social worker roles. She's the highest paid Bingo-Caller we know!

We talk personal history, motivations, humor, care, commitment, and recovery and prevention of burnout.

Just a Note: this is an uncensored show full of our personal opinions. So you will hear us cuss sometimes.

We keep our community and show ad free and open to helpers, your investment will help to directly build the brave space we all need. Support Being the Work by

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And remember, we're not YOUR helpers. Everything here is our opinion and is intended to support you, not give professional advice. Get the help you need, when you need it, where you need it. Here are a few resources for mental health support for you and those you love: 

National Alliance on Mental Illness

US Substance Use and Mental Health Services Administration

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

We're totes recording this right now.

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Blakely: This is kinda how

we get in the flow, it's

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Rachel: We're

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Blakely: We usually start

out get in the vibe, get

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comfy.

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Whoa.

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Really loud in my ears.

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Ben: Okay.

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How's that?

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Blakely: Better.

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Ben: When I do, when I turn it

up, do you hear me more too?

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Okay, cool.

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Okay, how are

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Rachel: I'm good.

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You're perfect.

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Ben: I mean, be serious

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Rachel: I can hear both of you very

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well.

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Okay, I'm just like...

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It's like this ear

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Blakely: Oh, Ben is so praise fatigued.

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Ben: No!

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Shut the

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Rachel: This is the best.

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I like you two together

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because, 'cause it's like...

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sweet, humble, like, I'm used to this.

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It's like I'm in the

middle of the spectrum.

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I'm right here.

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So it's like,

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where am

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I gonna jump?

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Am I gonna jump to here

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or am I really gonna jump over here?

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And then I don't know

where I'm flying in between

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Blakely: yeah.

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yeah.

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No, my or

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Ben: my the reason

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I wanted is that sometimes you're too

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Rachel: sweet.

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I am very nice and it's annoying.

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Yes.

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Annoyingly perky is

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how I introduce myself and

yes, I cannot turn it off.

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And yes, I know it's annoying.

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Blakely: Right?

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As long as you know.

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Ben: I didn't say you were

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Rachel: annoying.

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Oh, I did.

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Blakely: It's the not knowing.

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I think that it's really the clincher

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Rachel: I

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Ben: so, Rachel, thanks for coming.

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This is a lot of fun.

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Blakely, I know Rachel, so I'm going to

let you start us out with the questions.

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Because I always jump to assuming that you

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Blakely: Oh, sure.

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so

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we usually kind of get started

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with Who are you?

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What are you doing?

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But we don't like to break people

into categories What you do,

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it doesn't make who you are.

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We do a lot of our kind of work because

of bits and pieces of who we tend to be.

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but I think that there's a lot of

uniqueness in our motivations and in

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our personalities and in our experiences

that we don't talk about enough.

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and so usually to start things out, I

like to ask some questions Like Ben said,

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it's a lot of Ben's friends that we are

interviewing because Ben has friends

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Ben: Ben has

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friends.

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I'll at least give

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Blakely: I'll at least give myself

the credit that I have friends,

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just most of them think that I'm

insane for being a social worker.

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so, starting out, we kind of like

to do a breakdown of, shorthand,

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of what makes up your personality.

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are you familiar with Enneagram,

or Myers Briggs, or we talked

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briefly about some Zodiac, I

think, before we started recording.

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All of that, to give us a little bit of an

idea of, um, what makes you tick, before

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we even get into the, the story of it all.

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Rachel: of,

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Ben: Briggs,

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Rachel: I was waiting for it to,

I am a medical social worker.

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So I work in and out of hospitals,

clinics, thrive on the craziness,

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the crisis interventions, the fix the

problem now and do it yesterday and

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then as a discharge planner, wearing

lots of hats, just weaseling my way into

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many different situations to kind of.

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Bring about change if we

want to make it pretty.

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Ben: Did anyone

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else hear you say

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Rachel: Yeah,

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Ben: Weasley.

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Blakely: straight.

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Rachel: Um, I'm a Gemini.

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Enneagram.

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I think I'm a number two.

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Is it like the helper or something?

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Which is so

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generic

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because you're helping professional.

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Blakely: Empathy Harmony

helpers are of our work.

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Ben: Yeah, and, and Justice Seekers.

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Blakely's getting out her Enneagram book.

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Blakely: I'll read you the quick

paragraph on we've got a lot

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Rachel: Oh, read It sounds so

generic, so I almost don't like

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Blakely: And it's funny, it's

funny, because what you said was,

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you feel like you are somewhere

in between some extremes that Ben

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and I tend to represent sometimes.

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So A two.

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I'm sensitive to other people's feelings.

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I can see what they need,

even when I don't know them.

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Sometimes it's frustrating to be so

aware of people's needs, especially their

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pain or unhappiness because I'm not able

to do as much for them as I'd like to.

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It's easy for me to give

up myself sometimes.

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I wish there were better.

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I were, I were better at saying

no because I end up putting my.

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Uh, more energy into caring for others

than into taking care of myself.

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It hurts my feelings if people

think I'm trying to manipulate or

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control them when all I'm trying

to do is understand and help them.

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I like to see, I like to be seen

as a warm hearted and good person,

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but when not taken into account

or appreciated, I can become very

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emotional or very, or even demanding.

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Good relationships mean a great deal to

me and I'm willing to work hard to Make

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Rachel: hard

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to make

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Ben: Yes.

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Blakely: stop reading

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Rachel: No, no.

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no.

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Okay, so

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like,

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Blakely: look at me.

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Ben: I'm okay so I'm listening to

Blakely read this and I'm watching your

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body language and all of these things

resonate and I see annoyance on your

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face

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but I also am incredibly proud Because

I find myself, like, I have a hard time

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going back and forth between what is

my core motivation with the Enneagram.

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I just had this thought this last weekend,

was there is nothing about compassion.

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it is painful, and it is, it is

courageous, and to me, that's what I

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heard when I heard what she just read.

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And you're like, hey, this is so typical,

and I'm going, this is why I love you are

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super bubbly, super nice, wonderful to

be around, easy to talk to, so funny, we

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can laugh all the time, it was very and,

what I respected, was you were, It's like

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grit, power, tenacious for your clients.

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And these kids that we were working

with needed someone in their corner.

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You would fight so hard for them in

this, the sweetest tone of voice.

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that I was like, that's skill.

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So anyways, I want to just push back

on this like annoyance that you've got.

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Rachel: that you've got.

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I, I, know

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Ben: I know.

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I, yeah, I've, I know this, I

know this feeling very well.

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so, yeah, I just,

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Rachel: I think it all comes down to,

to perfectly summarize, I think it

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was the lovely new girl, the show.

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And it was like, you walk around

thinking about how other people feel.

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How do you get anything done?

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And it's like, it's really hard.

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I have family members that

are just blunt, cutthroat.

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They're like, we're gonna do us.

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And so, you know, it is really

hard hearing compliments,

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hearing good things about myself.

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I'm like, yeah, I'm just annoying.

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That's just, it comes down to me

having some sass and With good intent,

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generally with whatever I try to

do, I try to do it with good intent.

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Even if I am being mean or deliberate

or something to get my point across.

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Even when I'm mad, I'm like, if I

want to throw something, I'd probably

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go fold it five minutes later.

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And it's a crutch.

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It's not fun.

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I don't recommend

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it.

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Jealous of people that can do

other things that I cannot.

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but.

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I do like to, I call it weaseling.

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Weasel my way into people's hearts.

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Build that rapport.

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Build that connection.

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So I can tell you what you really need

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help with.

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Blakely: It even says here

that your blind spot as a two.

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Maybe your own needs and your,

not weaseling, but intrusiveness

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into the lives of others.

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if,

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Rachel: Not measly, but

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Ben: Interesting.

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I wonder if, uh, I mean, I do intrude.

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I

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think I, I, I I was on Instagram,

uh, yesterday or today?

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Blakely, did I send

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Blakely: Of what?

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Ben: so it's this, uh, It's this dog.

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It's this dog, and the mom is

going, where's, where is the cat?

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Where is the cat?

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And this is, I was like, me to Blakely.

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Blakely: Oh,

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I

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lost my

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Ben: It is like, forcing

a hug on this cat.

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Rachel: That's okay.

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Ben: That's me.

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I've never actually hugged

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Rachel: Challenge accepted.

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Ben: no.

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No.

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Rachel: it,

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Blakely: I know, most

people make me eventually.

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Rachel: do it.

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There you go.

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go.

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Ben: is better than a I've, I've wrapped

her up into a big thing that, uh,

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Rachel: you, like

swaddle her or something?

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Ben: yeah.

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Blakely: It's like a web.

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Yes, a swaddle, like a web blanket.

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Ben: so

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so like we're talking

about the Enneagram, right?

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And being a two and I'm assuming, I think

the Enneagram is like core motivations

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going back a long time, right?

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So this is something that you've

been doing for yourself and for other

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people with other a very long time.

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Yeah.

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Rachel: Yeah.

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Ben: And when did you...

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Blakely: Because theoretically, based

on, like, the way that at least this book

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that I use describes the Enneagram types,

they break down sort of the essential

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truth that you lost sight of that kind

of sends you on this trajectory of

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the, the kind of warrior that we are to

get, to get through human life, right?

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And so what this one's saying

about too is that you lost sight

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of the fact that everyone's needs

are equally and freely met in the

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natural flow of giving and receiving.

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and instead began to believe that to get,

you must give and to be loved, you must

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be needed, and learn to get your personal

needs fulfilled by being needed and giving

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others what you felt they needed and

wanted so therefore your mission in life

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is to ensure that you infuse more of that

protective power into other people that

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they aren't getting in that unfair way.

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Which, in the way that we do kind

of this flow of our conversation,

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we do like to start in origins.

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Like, what were the tipping points of

you in your youth that sent you off

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on this path that what you needed to

make money at the end of the day was to

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put on your badge and go into the

hospital, which is what most of

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us are avoiding going to literally

every day that we're alive.

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Just really dial in and spend your

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time there.

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Ben: up.

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Rachel: alone oh

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yeah

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bring

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it on

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Blakely: Level up.

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Rachel: Come on.

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Um, I mean, I do.

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I, I love the hospital.

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It's gross.

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It's scary.

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It's blood.

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It's guts.

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It's heavy vulnerabilities.

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It's diagnoses that

sometimes you've heard of.

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Sometimes people just wipe

under the rug, but I don't know

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what it is about the hospital.

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It's something that is, everyone is

terrified to go to, whether you're

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a patient, whether you're a visitor.

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And I think that my wholeheartedness

just wanted to be that calming presence

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in pretty much everything I do.

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vulnerabilities, you see the real person

and I like building that opportunity

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to just see your true authentic self

and have you trust someone so easily.

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And I like that.

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Or working hard

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to have anybody to do that.

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When I found the vulnerabilities with

children's mental health, and then, I've

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worked in and out of Mother Baby, which...

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PRN because I was bored or wanting to

show leadership qualities because I

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was 21 with a master's degree and a

doughy eyed face that just wanted to

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help people because I'm blonde haired,

have dimples and look like I'm 12.

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and so when I have the enthusiasm that

I do or the sweethearted nature that

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I am, people often think that I'm 12

or asking if my mom knows where I am.

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and

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I'm

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like, Yeah,

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Blakely: And so that gets

misunderstood, and therefore, of

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course, like, um, underestimated.

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And so you're describing working in what

is, what in our city, so you've gone on a

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pathway of working with children who have

severe, um, severe emotional disturbance.

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And then, because that wasn't

challenging enough, you're talking about

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adding on a part time role, because

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Rachel: Because I'm crazy.

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Blakely: you know, shout out to all the

homies that can't do just one job to pay

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the bills in the field that we chose.

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We gotta do it at least 12 hours

a day to really fuck ourselves up

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and pay our bills.

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you were working in a safety

net hospital in our city,

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in, in, like, mother baby ward.

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So,

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Rachel: newborns...

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high issues, adoptions, drug

use, human trafficking, , high

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STDs, all sorts of things that Was

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me because it was something I

hadn't challenged myself with, which

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also helped me transition to a new

opportunity a local hospital in my

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Ben: the, what was the role?

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Rachel: social worker.

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Ben: social worker.

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Rachel: Mother Baby Department.

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Blakely: Okay, so you went

from like inner city safety net

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hospital to a more suburban...

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Rachel: But also like rural

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communities,

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Blakely: right.

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Because

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Rachel: a lot of

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Blakely: hospitals it's going to pull

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from Like, People suffer everywhere.

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Rachel: it's just either a prettier door

on the outside versus maybe not so much.

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That's working in...

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Ben: I did a lot of case management

throughout all the counties, all

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the surrounding counties and the.

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ones that I didn't like working

the most affluent places

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because there was more digging

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Rachel: needed.

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Blakely: more hidden.

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Ben: Yeah, there was more,

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Blakely: yeah.

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Well, and for us, there's so much bullshit

that we have to dig off of the top to

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get to what we really need to do and I

don't think a lot of us have a lot of

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patience with that because we already

go in knowing that that stuff is just

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bravado or just fluff or just fakeness.

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maybe

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I just don't have patience with fakeness.

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and

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Ben: Rachel, I'm curious if this is

sort of what you were getting at, but

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you were saying, when there's a lot

of vulnerability and meeting people in

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that high needs place, you get to see

who that person is and to, to get to

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a place of trust in that moment is To

me, what I heard you saying, or maybe

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what was just resonating inside of me,

was that it is, it is like life juice.

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Rachel: yeah.

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Ben: I mean, it's, it's like

a feeling of, of aliveness.

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Rachel: Oh yeah, in the hospital

you see everyone at their extremes.

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I mean, I tackled mother baby,

I had neuro, I had renal,

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and I had women's health.

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So...

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Blakely: cradle to grave, right?

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Like,

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the hospital is...

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And I think we talk about that

sometimes, like, we are infused into

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all of the spaces of life, especially in,

like, in the social work side of things.

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I'm biased I think social work is better

because we have a more varied skill set

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in those social system spaces, which

I think is actually societally where

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we need a devastating amount of help.

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and no one knows we're there and no one

knows how hard we work and no one knows.

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I mean, it's all very

kind of under the tide,

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Rachel: And it always captures like

a negative connotation when you

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identify yourself as a social worker

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because, oh yeah, that is one thing that

would eat at my soul as someone that

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advocates for the smallest of us is how

many babies have you taken away today?

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And I'm like, none.

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How many babies have you taken away ever?

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None.

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So that would eat at my

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core and that

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Ben: cause the stereotype is

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Rachel: for

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everyone.

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Ben: worker just takes

kids from their parents.

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Rachel: But it didn't talk about all the

work I did with postpartum depression.

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Blakely: Right.

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Rachel: Linking

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Blakely: all the

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Rachel: supports, you know.

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Right.

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Or, hey, I just had a baby, but I want

to give this baby up for adoption,

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but I'm discharging in 24 hours.

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Figure it out.

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By the way, it's 7.

375

30 p.

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m.

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and I was supposed to leave at 4.

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30 p.

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m.

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to pick up my kids,

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Ben: and I want to push back Blakely is

poking fun at the social work therapy

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Rachel: Ha ha!

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Ben: Differences.

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but 'I'm gonna pushed back on that

because we're friends and despite

385

the differences between the two

of us, I'm not a social worker.

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I don't really want to be a social worker.

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I never tried to be a social worker

and ended up doing lots of right?

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And, and the idea of this whole,

separateness between all of us

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bothers me because We don't look

at the things that are the same.

390

We look at the things that are different,

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when it becomes a competition, I can no

longer lean on you to go, Hey, I need your

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Right?

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Like say, I need resources

for the community.

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I know exactly who I need Because you

love getting all that stuff together.

395

you're a resource So, anyways,

with all of that, it's just

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like, we all, I feel like, have

397

desire to help, and the more we connect

on are able know, spread the, the stress

398

throughout, but we need some I just want

to push back on that, because I feel like,

399

you helped

400

me through COVID so It was like three or

four hours a week we were hanging out.

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Blakely: Yeah, it was on

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Zoom.

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On

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Ben: Zoom.

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Blakely: are we gonna

406

do?

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Just How do

408

we get through this?

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to a lot more, um, with

the baby taking reputation.

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the thing that I'm saying that I won't

let be stepped on there is a greater

411

divide between what's understood and

appreciated societally about us, which is.

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We're baby takers in the middle of the

413

night.

414

We come and steal your babies.

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Rachel: Anything with

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Blakely: And what we actually do and

can do in the potential of our field

417

to change the entire fucking world.

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If cops would get out of the fucking way.

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Let's put our guns down and

actually solve some fuckin problems.

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But this is what I'm not trying

to get salty about today.

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My darker thoughts need to be put away

like our, our combined horoscope said.

422

That is what I have to say

before I can pack it up.

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And you're totally right.

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Because I was not taught how to

therapy, and most of us end up in

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Ben: Right.

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Right.

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Blakely: the wrong chair.

428

Ben: Ha ha ha, right, right.

429

yeah, for sure.

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I agree with all of

431

I

432

agree

433

with all of

434

The um,

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Blakely: take us back in time...

436

Ben: yeah, take us back in time.

437

Blakely: What brought you to the shit?

438

Why did you decide social work?

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Rachel: Um...

440

again,

441

I'm always the Island of Misfit

Toys, I'm the Saving Grace,

442

I'm the mom of all my friends,

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Ben: you remember when you chose?

444

Rachel: I think I fell

into social work, honestly.

445

I was, , gonna be a marriage

and family therapist.

446

I kinda just knew the mediation

aspect, the, you know, being

447

a positive support for people.

448

I did it all day, every day,

might as well get paid for it.

449

Might as well do a deeper dive to

something I was naturally good at, cause

450

you have a problem, come to Rachel.

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within my friends, within my

family, just calm presence, make you

452

smile, feel comfortable and maybe

find a solution, maybe just vent.

453

And , my friends already knew that

once you stick with me, it stays there.

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Like I'm not going to have fun with

your drama and use it against you.

455

Totally could,

456

but you know, I can be

457

a little ornery.

458

but

459

you know, the passive aggressive

adorableness could come out, But,

460

so I was naturally just

good at it I liked it.

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Ben: naturally just you find out?

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Blakely: Yeah, how did you find out

463

Rachel: Um, I think I just had a lot

of drama within my friends group.

464

Um, growing up and was lucky

enough to not really feed into

465

a lot of it and just be there.

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Blakely: but that doesn't sound like luck.

467

Rachel: I, I don't know.

468

Blakely: I don't

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Rachel: I don't know if that's lucky.

470

Blakely: because I think

you're talking about something

471

that happens as an adolescent girl, right?

472

Like when all the shit starts to happen

and everybody starts going different

473

directions and making different choices

474

Rachel: Oh, I was the goody, nerdy,

475

adorable, sweet hearted,

476

Blakely: kind

477

at some point.

478

Rachel: probably to a fault, and...

479

Blakely: yeah.

480

And you find, you end up finding

yourself in the midst of all of this.

481

Oh, I'm the anchor.

482

I'm the one who has, yeah, I'm

the one who's standing on the

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Rachel: grounded.

484

Blakely: are floating around acting

485

wild.

486

Rachel: as long as you own your decisions,

there's no judgments, but if you...

487

If you feed into the drama, but

you don't be your true authentic

488

self, then I don't like that.

489

And so I had a lot of

friends that would...

490

Do some things.

491

Blakely: is an oasis in

492

Rachel: Oh yeah.

493

I was lame

494

and I liked it that

495

way.

496

I think my mother did too because when

I did children's mental health, I'd

497

be, I'd walk in passive aggressively

to my parents home that I didn't

498

live in and I'd say I was wonderful.

499

And then I just

500

slammed the door.

501

and leave it.

502

Or the first time I called my mom

from like jail for juvenile detention

503

that I was there visiting or.

504

doing things with patients.

505

I'd be like, I went to jail today.

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Bye mom.

507

And just seeing how her sass would

be like, the first time you did it

508

was funny slash not, but now she's

just like, okay, have fun at jail.

509

So, oh yeah, I had a

pretty enthusiastic family.

510

I always say that I am the

wet blanket of all of them.

511

Yet I'm so loud, annoying and sweethearted

because their enthusiasm, their quick

512

witty bit banter is just infectiously

contagious and it's frustrating.

513

Trying to get a word in edgewise,

so I'm always the boring one.

514

and then when you spend time

with me, you're like, you're

515

Blakely: you're the dull one.

516

Rachel: but it's like, but

then you meet the rest of my

517

family and they're like, yeah, you

518

are boring.

519

Blakely: Is this like,

520

a big family?

521

Rachel: just big

522

Blakely: Well, Yah, because you're

describing like a big energy, like how

523

many people are

524

creating this vortex.

525

Rachel: I have one sister,

and then my mother is very...

526

ornery.

527

Blakely: Yeah, I have a

larger than life mother too.

528

Rachel: Oh yeah, she's

everyone's favorite.

529

She's everyone's

530

go to, just because she wants

you to feel comfortable, too.

531

and so she'll strive to do that

532

Or

533

everybody wants her.

534

We call her by her first name,

like, when we talk about her,

535

I call her mom to her face.

536

But,

537

name's Donna.

538

Like, have you ever met a very

plain, sweethearted Donna?

539

Yeah,

540

they're usually kind of fun,

541

quirky,

542

Blakely: Oh yeah.

543

Rachel: in the best way

544

possible, loud.

545

proud of it, but

546

still

547

not know

548

what

549

that means.

550

Yeah, she's just at high

expectations of anything.

551

I mean, again, with some sass

552

and some personality.

553

Ben: So, am I understanding

right that you...

554

when I do

555

Rachel: I know what you're going to do?

556

Blakely: Just go

557

with it.

558

Rachel: go with it.

559

Blakely: expression that

560

usually means we're going somewhere.

561

Rachel: He's going to take it.

562

He's going to deep dive

563

now.

564

Blakely: and he's gonna put it over

565

Rachel: and

566

then reframe it

567

Then make you like, show off

your true vulnerable self.

568

And then be like, I don't want to

phrase it that way, but it came out just

569

word vomit.

570

And now you're going to

make it philosophical.

571

Blakely: cute, but...

572

Rachel: But like there's, then

he's going to say something like,

573

Oh, high expectations, or are you

just wanting to be the achiever

574

in life and make your mom happy?

575

I'm waiting.

576

You usually say it prettier than

this, but I'm just being sassy.

577

Blakely: that makes you feel good about

578

Rachel: I know.

579

Blakely: Have you forgotten

yet what you were going to say?

580

Rachel: Please do.

581

Ben: Is that what you're

trying to do for me??

582

Me

583

Blakely: No, I'm just...

584

Ben: trying to distract me?

585

Blakely: I get to be not poked

out when we do interviews.

586

Like, I'm not, I don't have

to be the ugly V- word.

587

Someone else does, so.

588

Vulnerable, but it makes

me feel like a victim.

589

Rachel: Like, I do like

590

words.

591

Ben: Well, okay.

592

I want to cuss at both of

593

Rachel: the social

594

worker.

595

Blakely: Right.

596

Ben: feel like I've owned this before of

597

like, I

598

Rachel: Naturally.

599

Go Ben, go.

600

But I know it's gonna happen too.

601

Blakely: I know.

602

Ben: okay, I'm just curious if

I'm understanding this right,

603

that you're the quiet one of your

604

family,

605

Rachel: Correct.

606

Correct.

607

Ben: There's two meanings

608

to

609

this,

610

Blakely: think?

611

Ben: you're the quiet one.

612

Rachel: one?

613

You're the quiet one?

614

Damn.

615

Yeah, she

616

Ben: Damn.

617

Rachel: my family, which is...

618

I

619

Ben: Yeah, I'm the quiet one of my family.

620

Which is like...

621

I don't know, I don't know that I

622

was...

623

Blakely: to talk,

624

Rachel: You like to

625

Blakely: just anything.

626

Ben: No, no, no, no.

627

It's got to have a point.

628

Yeah.

629

Yeah.

630

small talk.

631

Small talk is really hard for

632

Rachel: Oh, I could

633

just make time go

634

by.

635

Ben: so I can relate to being the

quiet one, and having a hard time

636

getting a word in edgewise, but also

not wanting to take the spotlight,

637

because I feel, I have

always felt somewhat selfish.

638

if I

639

take the spotlight, I don't know if

that's something that you can relate to.

640

Rachel: I don't like, I hate that

being the center of attention.

641

I like watching other people shine and I

want to help them get there, but I also am

642

naturally someone that would put someone

on a pedestal, whether they should be

643

there or not, to help lift them up in

the mistake of maybe putting myself down.

644

Ben: I hate that

645

being

646

the center of maybe

647

Rachel: Oh, for sure.

648

Ben: Very, very quiet really hard to

like take up any space in any room.

649

I don't know, I feel like that was,

that was a training ground in some ways

650

to like bring me to this kind of work.

651

but also

652

it's this mixture of, of.

653

being willing to give other people

space, but also I've had incredible

654

amount of time to see other people's

pain and see through bullshit because I

655

just observed, I would have times of,

really intense focus where I I would

656

think over and over and over what's

happening in my family, what's happening

657

and I was in my head all the time.

658

anyways.

659

learning to give other people space or

just not even having to learn is just sort

660

of natural, but also learning to take up

space to be the helper and to do that in

661

a strategic way was, incredibly meaningful

to learn what I'm good at, and do it

662

on purpose, in a compassionate way.

663

We're talking like, life transformation

stuff for me own who I am, own

664

what I like, own that I have a

relational emotional intelligence

665

that I can use to help people get

to a place that their life's better.

666

And that's sort of what.

667

I, like, okay, I'm me, I'm

gonna take us down to, like,

668

a really emotional, meaningful

669

place, and...

670

Rachel: it's

671

gonna

672

happen.

673

Blakely: has one of those

buttons that takes the

674

bottom out from under you.

675

They just fall into the pit of

676

who knows what.

677

Ben: It's gonna happen.

678

Elevator.

679

I like to be!

680

Rachel: I've

681

Blakely: I've

682

been catching up way late.

683

I've been catching up on

season four of Stranger Things,

684

and this just has me, like

685

Ben, likes to shove us into

the upside down, doesn't he?

686

He's like,

687

what's over there?

688

Rachel: Let's go.

689

Let's go.

690

Blakely: But I think that we're, we're

dancing around something that I don't

691

know that I've put to words before.

692

And that's, and I wonder if you've had

some of the experiences about this,

693

because when we start to really look at

694

Rachel: him on mute for a second.

695

Come on!

696

Blakely: Follow me.

697

Cause I'm going somewhere good.

698

I swear.

699

no, no.

700

What I'm thinking about

while we're talking is.

701

In this origin story thing that we do to

go back to what were the pivot points,

702

what were the, the characteristics,

what were the things where I realized,

703

like, there's something about me, right?

704

And I think we started early on a

lot of the time to realize that we

705

make other people uncomfortable with

our tendencies and our instincts.

706

And even while comforting

people, there's a lot of...

707

Discomfort.

708

Like, the fact that you have this, like,

rapid eject button to go to, like, deep,

709

dark, vulnerable place

710

Ben: You

711

Rachel: too.

712

Your words are great that

713

Blakely: many of us are

terrified of, you're just not.

714

Like, I hate

715

vulnerability for myself.

716

There's a reason I sit where I sit.

717

Like, I think I know all the shit.

718

And I'm not good at taking it home.

719

and

720

so

721

Rachel: and

722

Blakely: and so I just,

723

Ben: I

724

do all

725

Blakely: I

726

just wonder about Those

times that we realize like

727

I'm not supposed to be like this

I'm not I'm the wet blanket.

728

I'm the obnoxious one.

729

I'm the the big baby like

730

whatever our thing is

731

Ben: I'm the

732

sensitive Ben.

733

Blakely: turned

734

Ben: Ben.

735

Blakely: and we've decided to say

fuck that I'm gonna do something with

736

Rachel: for this

737

Blakely: because you people don't

have this and I do So what is

738

Rachel: See, you were talking

about going to the uncomfortable.

739

It's uncomfortable to be in

the chair to be the helper.

740

I think it's a prerequisite to

be comfortable with all of that.

741

Blakely: 'cause Ben and I have talked

about this, this metaphor of us going

742

toward the flames when everyone else

is running outta the burning building.

743

I think that's what you're talking about.

744

Like why?

745

Why are we so wary of messy Uhhuh

746

Rachel: Everything's messy.

747

let's just go.

748

Come

749

Blakely: we think we are so like it's

this, it's the human like myth, right?

750

That we are so highly evolved that we

are clean creatures, that we don't, we

751

don't have survival instincts in the same

ways that animals do, but we're still.

752

fucking animals and we are filthy bags

of meat just traipsing around creating

753

some kind of meaning from our existence

because we're the only creatures

754

who are aware that we are, we could

755

Ben: who aware This is...

756

Blakely: go ahead, did you want to,

757

Ben: Okay, for

758

like weeks,

759

Blakely: so I wasn't over the trap door

760

Ben: for weeks I've been

asking people for real

761

feedback.

762

I just got

763

it.

764

And, I felt defensive and liked it.

765

Blakely: Hm.

766

Ben: it made me laugh,

767

Blakely: This is also very me because

I'm not really sure what I said that was

768

so, like, intense.

769

you've asked me for this on

demand, and I'm like, I don't But

770

apparently I've done it today, so,

771

Ben: But apparently I've done

772

it emotional stuff is something that

I live with and you putting words to

773

it of People don't like it, and it's

threatening to people, and we shouldn't

774

be the way that we are kind of thing.

775

Like, like I have felt that

instinctually for a long time.

776

You said something like...

777

I don't know.

778

The big baby.

779

Blakely: Yeah.

780

Ben: you said that.

781

Like,

782

that's something

783

Rachel: before about myself too, so

784

Ben: I don't remember any one person

calling me a big baby, but it's been

785

in the background of my existence for

a very long And it's not, I think part

786

of this, the whole journey of becoming

a therapist has been me learning

787

that what I do is actually quite

788

Blakely: It's unusual.

789

It's not

790

wrong.

791

Rachel: that you are doing something

unusual and that you're allowing

792

yourself to be there for that person

793

Ben: Well, and, yeah, like running,

running toward the thing that's

794

uncomfortable and wanting right?

795

like knowing that I'm not trying, like,

I think the stereotype is to think that a

796

therapist wants to emotionally manipulate,

797

Where I know that

Vulnerability is connecting us

798

deeper,

799

It's creating connections in a

way that I mean, it's incredible.

800

I don't know, like, knowing the value

of that and knowing how to use that to

801

not, that can make people's lives better.

802

to, I don't know, get to that place is

803

Blakely: Well,

804

and for me in pointing this out,

it's so striking because I feel,

805

I feel different within different.

806

I feel very different from most

of the other helpers in the

807

kind of personality I have.

808

that's just a different brand of the same

shit that we're all drawn in by being

809

the weird kids in the ways that we are.

810

We're emotionally weirdos.

811

So, and that's, like I said, it's unusual.

812

It's not wrong.

813

Society gives all unusual

messaging that it's wrong.

814

Rachel: Because you're

815

talking about being the big baby and

816

I'm

817

like,

818

Do it.

819

Right.

820

Like, be your baby self.

821

Go for it.

822

Because you're trying really

hard to be there for someone

823

else and why not be the big baby?

824

Blakely: and it's gotten you to be

who you are supposed to be anyway.

825

Ben: Yeah, I I have no regrets

826

I actually like myself more

now than I really ever have.

827

proud of me.

828

Blakely: of it.

829

You're the biggest baby you've ever been.

830

Right.

831

Ben: mean, I'm like the

832

smartest baby.

833

I'm the smartest baby I've ever been.

834

Blakely: yeah.

835

Ben: Like, yeah, but like,

836

Blakely: But my point is, like,

just leaning into these things

837

that are allegedly wrongness, we

end up being a better version.

838

Ben: better

839

Blakely: Because it's the actual authentic

840

Ben: truth.

841

I'm

842

Blakely: I'm really fucking annoying.

843

Ben: your

844

Blakely: what?

845

Rachel: Right?

846

And it's been a strength.

847

And it's been a

848

strict, I, yeah, girl, be your

849

annoying self.

850

Blakely: it's worked out for

851

Rachel: thing someone can say

is that you're authentically

852

annoying cause you tried too hard.

853

Okay.

854

Spread that rumor.

855

Blakely: All that's gonna do is keep

away people I don't want to be around

856

anyway.

857

Rachel: it's like you smile too much.

858

Okay.

859

Ben: Yeah.

860

Blakely: I laugh too loud.

861

My big girl laugh gets in the way.

862

Ben: No, like I can see.

863

I think what I what what resonates

for me when you say you're different

864

within different is there's the

typical kind of helper We were

865

talking about with the number twos,

866

like the Enneagram

867

Blakely: Lots of twos, lots of empathy

868

on their StrengthsFinder.

869

Lots of, yeah.

870

Ben: yours is more strategic thinking

871

and

872

Blakely: 10.

873

Ben: oriented.

874

Blakely: Yes.

875

Yours

876

Ben: more anger

877

oriented.

878

Yeah, exactly.

879

And what I have absorbed from you.

880

Is, embracing anger more often and

using it for good, so that difference

881

within difference to me is like,

other side of the coin because you

882

care about people as much as I do.

883

But my anger turns toward

a deep sense of sadness.

884

Blakely: Yeah.

885

Ben: like you were saying, a while ago.

886

I can't remember which episode,

but it was, fire is also

887

cleansing just like water.

888

Blakely: And I think we're surrounded

with a lot of water energy.

889

Mm hmm.

890

and

891

I do tend to have a little bit more fire

892

Ben: on the pipe.

893

Yeah.

894

So they get

895

to

896

Blakely: they get to the same place.

897

And that's what, these last couple of

years that I pulled out of the very

898

toxic work environment that we all

shared, what I've realized is I've paid

899

attention to myself more than I ever have.

900

I spent a long time being

a really good student.

901

I spent a long time being a

really good social worker.

902

I spent a long time being a really good,

assessor and therapist and crisis manager.

903

But now I'm

904

paying more attention to myself,

and those things are just

905

coming together in a better way.

906

Ben: and those And when we, when we're

sitting here talking about self care or

907

community care or whatever the hell, it is

uh, so, Danielle from last She used this

908

term, othering, and I liked it because

I use othering, I use, I say, I say this

909

as objectifying, when she says othering,

that's what you're saying with like the,

910

the uniqueness, the unique qualities,

the unusual qualities, it's push away.

911

You are not included if you do

not conform and that's what I was

912

saying earlier I feel othered in the

discussions around ethics and where

913

I am not doing enough and I don't

want to put lipstick on a pig and

914

call it something new, I don't want

to come out with a self cared manual.

915

And sell that.

916

I don't think it's going to work,

but my community of reaching out to

917

my friends and asking my friends to

come have a conversation where we

918

can actually be real and actually

discuss like, what does this look like?

919

Because I think it's relationships.

920

during COVID, the thing that kept

me afloat was the people that I

921

loved and who cared for that was it.

922

Even if I had to do it over Zoom.

923

And I I absolutely love my family,

but they don't know what I do.

924

They

925

don't know where I put my heart every day.

926

They don't know what my heart goes

through it's lonely and fucked all that

927

self-care shit.

928

How am I supposed to take care

of myself when I'm in pain and

929

I'm the one that's exhausted but

I'm supposed to do another thing?

930

No, I need help.

931

don't want to go pay a ton of

money for another therapy session.

932

I've already had that this week.

933

Blakely: it's like we're

being sent to the mechanic.

934

We're

935

malfunctioning.

936

We're misfiring.

937

And we need to get that patched up so

we can get back to the work to keep,

938

Rachel: Other people

939

Blakely: to keep the

940

right, to keep the hurting people out

of the sight line of the not hurting

941

people apparently.

942

Right.

943

as we're going through this

and talking about the really

944

uncomfortable pieces especially,

945

You

946

say you fell into social work and

it suited you really well and it

947

sounds like you spent those first

several years doing some really

948

intense on the ground learning.

949

Can you remember when you ran into

that first day that you didn't

950

know if you could do it anymore?

951

That you didn't know if you had

chosen quote unquote correctly?

952

That you didn't know if the trajectory

of how this was going to go in a

953

lifespan of career, if that was

going to be sustainable for you?

954

And what, happened

955

keep you there?

956

Because you're still

957

Rachel: Yeah.

958

Oh, I'm still doing it.

959

Um,

960

Blakely: But we assume

those dark days have

961

happened.

962

Rachel: sure.

963

But I also am the queen of a free framing.

964

So even if it's manipulating

myself at times Yeah.

965

Of like, this is just a day,

this is just the worst day,

966

but like, tomorrow's better.

967

I always say I had to relearn to.

968

kids

969

to have kids.

970

so that came from the result

of having to get out of it.

971

And I don't know if that was a burnout

risk cause it's easier to call it burnout.

972

It's easy to call it compassion fatigue

when you look back on it, but when

973

you're experiencing it wholeheartedly.

974

In the moments, in the trenches,

in the big deep, you just

975

think it's a really crummy day.

976

That, you know, I'm going to take off

the next day, or I'm going to cancel

977

an appointment, or I'm going to go

do something else for 20 minutes and

978

allow, just allow myself to just be.

979

Blakely: Having a snack

when you're spiritually

980

starving.

981

Rachel: or, you know, I'm going to be

982

Ben: Ranked

983

Rachel: minutes

984

late.

985

Ugh,

986

I'm not even going to

987

process

988

that on purpose, because I don't

want to feed into that either.

989

Because I

990

like to eat my feelings.

991

Ben: Yep, I

992

know.

993

She just hit the button.

994

Blakely: Succinct.

995

Ben: Oh, shut the fuck up.

996

Rachel: But

997

yeah,

998

I

999

Blakely: also what people

don't like about me.

00:38:35,594 --> 00:38:36,734

Rachel: That's why I just keep going.

00:38:36,890 --> 00:38:38,680

Ben: That was like a, just

a little shove down the

00:38:38,694 --> 00:38:38,834

Rachel: mm

00:38:39,328 --> 00:38:39,488

Blakely: Keep

00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:41,200

Ben: where I'm like, I'll

go down there with you.

00:38:41,504 --> 00:38:42,404

Rachel: You're like, pick me!

00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:42,924

I'm right here.

00:38:42,988 --> 00:38:43,397

Blakely: I wanna go!

00:38:43,397 --> 00:38:43,806

I wanna go!

00:38:43,806 --> 00:38:44,488

You don't push the elevator

00:38:44,549 --> 00:38:44,934

Rachel: Pick me.

00:38:45,174 --> 00:38:46,154

I'll push the elevator button.

00:38:46,174 --> 00:38:46,454

Like.

00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:50,700

Ben: So you're, I'm the guy that's

00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:51,960

riding the elevator up and

00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:52,210

down.

00:38:52,484 --> 00:38:52,664

Rachel: floor.

00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:53,204

I'm here.

00:38:53,244 --> 00:38:53,744

I'm here.

00:38:53,744 --> 00:38:54,274

I'm ready.

00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,120

Ben: pick pick my elevator.

00:38:56,426 --> 00:38:57,742

Blakely: He always pushes the basement

00:38:57,742 --> 00:38:57,952

though.

00:38:58,439 --> 00:38:59,039

Rachel: it's always

00:38:59,059 --> 00:38:59,079

the

00:38:59,079 --> 00:38:59,429

basement.

00:38:59,459 --> 00:39:00,249

It's never like

00:39:00,249 --> 00:39:00,489

top

00:39:00,499 --> 00:39:00,659

four.

00:39:00,850 --> 00:39:04,310

Ben: you down the shaft

just, whoo, see ya.

00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:04,750

So you

00:39:04,750 --> 00:39:04,840

were

00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:06,900

having a snack, you're having

00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:08,810

a snack, when you're spiritually starving,

00:39:09,424 --> 00:39:09,454

Rachel: off.

00:39:09,767 --> 00:39:11,237

Blakely: And having a

bad day, taking a day

00:39:11,544 --> 00:39:12,494

Rachel: Food for the soul.

00:39:12,704 --> 00:39:13,204

Whatever.

00:39:14,234 --> 00:39:14,524

Re

00:39:14,524 --> 00:39:14,764

framing.

00:39:14,784 --> 00:39:15,974

So, it's

00:39:15,974 --> 00:39:16,174

just

00:39:16,174 --> 00:39:16,224

a

00:39:16,224 --> 00:39:17,044

crap day.

00:39:17,104 --> 00:39:17,704

I mean,

00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:18,770

Ben: can do it, you can keep

00:39:18,824 --> 00:39:22,914

Rachel: Right, and that might

just be shopping on Indeed that

00:39:22,914 --> 00:39:25,474

day of just, what's out there?

00:39:25,544 --> 00:39:28,944

Or hey, what could I be better at

because I secretly hate everything

00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,284

ever and then some and I don't

want to be around people anymore.

00:39:32,094 --> 00:39:33,764

Because that's usually my

passive aggressive is like,

00:39:33,764 --> 00:39:34,804

I'll just go shopping on Indeed.

00:39:34,804 --> 00:39:35,284

What's out there?

00:39:35,294 --> 00:39:35,884

Nothing great.

00:39:35,894 --> 00:39:37,234

Okay, I'm just going to stick with the

00:39:37,234 --> 00:39:38,794

crap and mess I've created.

00:39:38,898 --> 00:39:39,421

of perspective taking.

00:39:39,421 --> 00:39:41,018

Where am I?

00:39:41,018 --> 00:39:44,013

think you're also almost

like you have a natural

00:39:44,013 --> 00:39:44,413

sense of

00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:45,306

Blakely: check.

00:39:45,336 --> 00:39:46,546

I think you're also talking

about something that's

00:39:46,546 --> 00:39:47,786

really valuable in that...

00:39:48,005 --> 00:39:49,585

It's almost like you have

a natural sense of...

00:39:49,709 --> 00:39:51,969

Mindfulness, like, a bad

day isn't a bad life.

00:39:51,979 --> 00:39:52,139

Like,

00:39:52,316 --> 00:39:52,626

Rachel: Like, kind of

00:39:52,626 --> 00:39:52,656

that

00:39:52,899 --> 00:39:53,949

Blakely: thing keeping you going.

00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:57,079

Like, if today is so bad, then what

are the odds tomorrow will be this bad?

00:39:57,169 --> 00:39:57,649

Whoa!

00:39:57,849 --> 00:39:58,349

Okay.

00:39:58,957 --> 00:39:59,172

Ben: so bad, tomorrow will be

00:40:03,011 --> 00:40:03,611

Rachel: I'm done.

00:40:03,771 --> 00:40:05,831

Like, I will not allow myself to do that.

00:40:06,286 --> 00:40:08,976

Do I not listen to

myself and do it anyways?

00:40:09,016 --> 00:40:09,936

Oh, for sure.

00:40:10,226 --> 00:40:14,496

Or do I go home with all these terrible

thoughts and feelings and see my sweet

00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:17,794

husband and children and I'm like, I still

feel crummy, I hate everything, but like,

00:40:17,816 --> 00:40:20,096

I have to perform for you until I can...

00:40:20,891 --> 00:40:24,801

Just be, um, or I'm not, I'm

choosing not to share things with

00:40:24,811 --> 00:40:28,941

my adorable husband because I want

to keep him thinking everything is

00:40:29,001 --> 00:40:30,461

wonderful, sunshine and rainbows,

00:40:30,461 --> 00:40:31,671

and that people are great.

00:40:32,111 --> 00:40:33,761

Because, right,

00:40:34,261 --> 00:40:34,441

Of

00:40:34,441 --> 00:40:36,281

course, because I want

to keep him that way.

00:40:36,445 --> 00:40:36,985

Blakely: dark stuff is

00:40:37,865 --> 00:40:37,895

Oh yeah.

00:40:37,895 --> 00:40:38,105

It's like

00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:38,821

Rachel: because it's

00:40:38,917 --> 00:40:38,967

Ben: dark

00:40:38,971 --> 00:40:40,441

Rachel: if I'm a dark cloud,

then I'm going to rain all

00:40:40,441 --> 00:40:41,401

over your parade and then,

00:40:41,577 --> 00:40:41,787

Ben: and then, um,

00:40:41,811 --> 00:40:44,741

Rachel: and then your

cute, adorable self is just

00:40:44,805 --> 00:40:45,050

Blakely: That is just going

00:40:45,081 --> 00:40:45,681

Rachel: to...

00:40:46,452 --> 00:40:46,722

Ben: Yeah.

00:40:46,812 --> 00:40:47,142

Be

00:40:47,142 --> 00:40:48,307

the burnt, crispy.

00:40:48,565 --> 00:40:50,695

Blakely: And the last thing we

want to do is spread more poison

00:40:50,741 --> 00:40:51,121

Rachel: Right.

00:40:51,255 --> 00:40:51,905

Blakely: that we love.

00:40:51,905 --> 00:40:52,045

Like,

00:40:52,201 --> 00:40:52,681

Rachel: Oh yeah.

00:40:53,395 --> 00:40:53,795

Blakely: love.

00:40:54,481 --> 00:40:55,631

Rachel: I did that on purpose.

00:40:55,651 --> 00:40:58,471

I did, like I picked him

on purpose for myself.

00:40:58,511 --> 00:40:59,661

And I was like, you're sweet.

00:40:59,961 --> 00:41:00,811

You're adorable.

00:41:01,121 --> 00:41:04,151

You have blind faith in the world.

00:41:04,361 --> 00:41:05,621

And that it's going to be pretty.

00:41:05,631 --> 00:41:06,931

And that it's going to be wonderful.

00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:08,661

And people are going to choose great.

00:41:09,431 --> 00:41:13,961

And I'd rather hold on to that

complete fuller opposite at times.

00:41:14,501 --> 00:41:15,431

So that he can have that life.

00:41:16,171 --> 00:41:16,641

Go for him.

00:41:16,721 --> 00:41:19,441

I want to instill that in my kids,

but I want them to be smart about it.

00:41:20,201 --> 00:41:23,191

And be aware of it, but

then choose their own world.

00:41:23,571 --> 00:41:25,401

Create their own world

in a world that sucks.

00:41:25,785 --> 00:41:28,305

Blakely: Oh, 'cause creating a

balance for a whole new generation of

00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:29,205

human when you've

00:41:29,221 --> 00:41:29,921

Rachel: is the hardest

00:41:29,973 --> 00:41:30,531

job I've ever

00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:32,210

Blakely: the deep, dark,

spooky places makes

00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:32,751

Rachel: Oh yeah.

00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,661

But then I'm also,

bring it on little girl.

00:41:35,671 --> 00:41:35,931

Like,

00:41:37,091 --> 00:41:37,291

I, bring

00:41:37,291 --> 00:41:37,401

it

00:41:37,401 --> 00:41:37,781

on,

00:41:37,851 --> 00:41:38,361

like

00:41:38,591 --> 00:41:39,091

scare

00:41:39,091 --> 00:41:39,571

me.

00:41:39,701 --> 00:41:40,621

Try.

00:41:41,381 --> 00:41:41,991

Or I'm like...

00:41:42,494 --> 00:41:47,318

So, yeah, but I mean, there's also

other things because I just want to

00:41:47,318 --> 00:41:51,098

keep my world great and if I can close

that off to the things that are not so

00:41:51,098 --> 00:41:55,178

great that I allow myself to be a part

of too, because it's, it's choices.

00:41:55,298 --> 00:41:59,358

Everything boils down to a choice

and you can reframe it beautifully.

00:42:00,333 --> 00:42:03,393

I can also reframe it in the opposite

direction and challenge myself and

00:42:03,443 --> 00:42:09,043

make mindfulness games or something

to create fun, to create a puzzle, to

00:42:09,053 --> 00:42:13,699

make it a game as a way of protecting

myself at times, to make it a game and

00:42:13,699 --> 00:42:15,429

make it maybe not real in that moment.

00:42:15,706 --> 00:42:18,325

Ben: much of that, uh, just

having this thought of like how

00:42:18,325 --> 00:42:20,295

much, uh, how often I do that

00:42:21,185 --> 00:42:22,935

be able, I do

00:42:22,935 --> 00:42:27,735

that often to not feel the

feeling, to not get overwhelmed

00:42:27,785 --> 00:42:28,065

by

00:42:28,065 --> 00:42:30,215

it, to then be it again

00:42:31,545 --> 00:42:35,725

And like, it's, I think I make a

lot of assumptions in all of that.

00:42:36,085 --> 00:42:36,755

Of course.

00:42:37,025 --> 00:42:40,085

It's like, well, I can't

feel the feeling now,

00:42:40,995 --> 00:42:42,725

uh, so I'm going to feel it later.

00:42:42,755 --> 00:42:45,035

So, well, I won't even feel it later.

00:42:45,055 --> 00:42:46,145

Like, I'm just going to push it

00:42:46,145 --> 00:42:46,605

away,

00:42:47,075 --> 00:42:47,435

right?

00:42:47,995 --> 00:42:50,915

Um, But I know that, I

know that I need to do this

00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:51,945

tomorrow, so I'm

00:42:51,945 --> 00:42:53,585

going to, I'm going to, like, push it

00:42:53,889 --> 00:42:54,274

Rachel: You'll get there.

00:42:54,345 --> 00:43:01,265

Ben: But, yeah, I don't

know if that just had that

00:43:04,029 --> 00:43:04,269

Rachel: challenging stuff.

00:43:06,168 --> 00:43:10,538

Blakely: It seems like you've curated

a personal existence that gives you a

00:43:10,538 --> 00:43:12,828

lot of buffer against the dark stuff.

00:43:13,664 --> 00:43:15,075

Rachel: against stuff.

00:43:15,075 --> 00:43:15,190

Rainbows.

00:43:15,190 --> 00:43:15,305

Yeah.

00:43:15,305 --> 00:43:15,421

Absolutely.

00:43:15,421 --> 00:43:16,854

Well, and I heard, but anyway,

it was a reminder that the things

00:43:18,724 --> 00:43:19,184

that we

00:43:19,618 --> 00:43:20,238

Blakely: Absolutely.

00:43:20,262 --> 00:43:20,874

Rachel: kids, we still

00:43:21,258 --> 00:43:25,756

Blakely: Well, and I heard, may have

been on podcast do hard But anyway,

00:43:25,766 --> 00:43:29,159

it was a reminder that the things

that we loved as kids, we still love.

00:43:29,185 --> 00:43:29,325

Rachel: Oh,

00:43:29,805 --> 00:43:30,005

right.

00:43:32,750 --> 00:43:33,050

Love

00:43:33,279 --> 00:43:36,372

Blakely: And those tend to be, and I feel

like COVID brought this out a lot for

00:43:36,372 --> 00:43:40,252

me that, Oh, that nostalgia comfort is.

00:43:40,707 --> 00:43:42,197

It's just always there, right?

00:43:42,207 --> 00:43:43,717

It's always underneath us.

00:43:44,617 --> 00:43:47,991

But for some, for some, reason, a lot

of the time we pack all that away.

00:43:48,031 --> 00:43:50,792

And for you talking about

like valuing cuteness

00:43:50,901 --> 00:43:51,081

and

00:43:51,081 --> 00:43:51,741

whimsy.

00:43:51,954 --> 00:43:52,324

Ben: Yeah.

00:43:52,608 --> 00:43:52,898

Rachel: Yeah.

00:43:53,257 --> 00:43:53,387

Blakely: That's,

00:43:53,527 --> 00:43:53,957

I feel like That's,

00:43:54,023 --> 00:43:54,283

Rachel: That's,

00:43:54,317 --> 00:43:55,817

Blakely: for a lot of people

because we do the beige.

00:43:55,997 --> 00:43:59,017

We do the, this is the checklist,

this is the expectation, this is

00:43:59,027 --> 00:44:02,797

the, the picket fence, and my house

is either gray, beige, or white, and

00:44:03,863 --> 00:44:07,183

Ben: Yeah, I sorry I'm feeling exhausted

00:44:07,795 --> 00:44:08,095

I'm feeling

00:44:08,149 --> 00:44:08,779

Rachel: you I was a lot.

00:44:09,247 --> 00:44:14,856

Ben: I'm feeling No, I've, I've, I knew

coming in, like I was feeling stuff,

00:44:15,756 --> 00:44:19,820

now I've just felt it friends, yeah.

00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,480

I pushed the button on myself

00:44:21,983 --> 00:44:22,233

Blakely: Oh.

00:44:23,178 --> 00:44:30,508

Ben: the one of the most important

parts of these questions the middle

00:44:30,508 --> 00:44:34,578

question, is Why have you stayed?

00:44:34,678 --> 00:44:41,523

Like, what's kept you And we've talked

we've, been talking about this, of how

00:44:42,223 --> 00:44:48,983

both difficult and very meaningful this

work is, both personally and for others.

00:44:48,983 --> 00:44:53,803

Like, we've seen transformation in

other people's lives and in hooking

00:44:53,803 --> 00:44:55,623

people up with resources that they need.

00:44:56,103 --> 00:45:03,183

Like, it's, it's a very amazing

but also kind of short lived.

00:45:03,588 --> 00:45:06,758

because we have a million

problems to solve.

00:45:07,548 --> 00:45:13,278

and we don't really have the to

be able to solve all the problems.

00:45:14,118 --> 00:45:22,848

But personally, like it is an identity

piece I mean, you're a number two, right?

00:45:22,898 --> 00:45:23,738

I'm a nine.

00:45:23,818 --> 00:45:26,998

harmony is a part of my core.

00:45:28,503 --> 00:45:33,933

I mean, Blakely, your core motivation,

justice is a huge part of that.

00:45:33,953 --> 00:45:40,082

And so it's, all of these pieces of us

are social, and wanting to solve problems.

00:45:40,465 --> 00:45:43,065

I was just getting at identity piece, but,

00:45:43,473 --> 00:45:44,313

Rachel: But it's the people.

00:45:44,343 --> 00:45:48,293

It comes down to the people that allow me

to be there, whether they like it or not.

00:45:48,493 --> 00:45:48,803

But

00:45:48,903 --> 00:45:49,093

they

00:45:49,093 --> 00:45:51,073

allow me to take up space in their world.

00:45:51,669 --> 00:45:55,579

And I want to, I'm waiting,

there's a, there's a light

00:45:55,579 --> 00:45:56,459

that came off in Ben, I

00:45:56,459 --> 00:45:56,699

know.

00:45:57,049 --> 00:45:58,809

Ben: No, I'm just like, I'm doing that to

00:45:58,809 --> 00:45:59,289

you.

00:46:00,139 --> 00:46:01,039

I made you come on the

00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:01,529

podcast.

00:46:01,988 --> 00:46:02,718

Rachel: but it's the people

00:46:02,718 --> 00:46:03,098

that

00:46:03,249 --> 00:46:04,259

Ben: that to Blakely.

00:46:04,993 --> 00:46:06,283

Rachel: You're like stepping into my web

00:46:07,303 --> 00:46:07,733

um,

00:46:08,184 --> 00:46:09,454

Ben: we're here for other people,

00:46:09,914 --> 00:46:10,264

right?

00:46:10,393 --> 00:46:11,243

Rachel: is the people that