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Welcome back to another episode of
Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful
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conversations with our guests and
turn them into practical strategies
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you can use right here, right now.
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So if you haven't listened to my
episode with David Dean Haskell,
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author of Wounded Angels and Inner
Child Unleashed, I encourage you to
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go back and listen after this episode.
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David shared something,
that I absolutely loved.
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He said that when our emotional reaction
feels much bigger than the situation
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in front of us, it usually is because
something much older has been touched.
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And I thought, "Oh my God, yes,
exactly," because that's one of
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the biggest misunderstandings
people have about healing.
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People come to me all the time
with, say things like, "Tammy,
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I don't know why I get so upset.
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I don't know why I couldn't stop crying.
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I don't know why I shut down.
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I don't know why I get so angry."
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They assume something is wrong with them.
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But what if nothing's wrong with you?
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What if it's just your nervous system
simply trying to finish a conversation
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that started many, many years ago?
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Here's what I teach my clients.
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There are events, and then there
are meanings to those events.
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The event today might be tiny.
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Someone forgets to text you back.
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The spouse sounds irritated.
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Your boss gives you constructive feedback.
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A friend doesn't invite you somewhere.
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Those are today's events
that happen every single day.
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But your nervous system doesn't always
seem to react from today's event.
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It reacts to yesterday's meaning, meaning
if you spent your childhood feeling
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totally ignored, being out, being left
out today doesn't just feel disappointing.
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It feels completely familiar.
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So if you were constantly criticized
growing up, your mom was always telling
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you you were doing something wrong,
when you get constructive feedback
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from your boss, it doesn't just feel
uncomfortable, it feels dangerous.
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If love was unpredictable and you always
had to earn your peace and earn your
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love, silence doesn't feel peaceful.
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It feels like abandonment.
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That's why your reaction seems
so much bigger than the moment.
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Guys, you've heard me say it so
many times, time and time again.
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When you were little,
everything feels big.
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So if you were living from the past when
you were little, it's going to feel big.
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One of my favorite things that David
talked about was how triggers often
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point us back toward your younger
selves, and I completely agree with that.
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But here's what I wanna take
just a little bit further.
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I don't want you to fear
your triggers anymore.
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I want you to become curious about them.
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Stop looking at them with judgment,
because every single trigger you have,
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it's nothing more than information.
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It literally contains all the
information you need to heal.
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So instead of asking yourself this
dreaded question of what's wrong with me,
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those four words that I think ought to
be taken out of the English vocabulary
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completely, start asking yourself, "What
is this reaction trying to protect?"
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It's a completely different question,
and when you start asking it, it's going
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to change the way you look at yourself.
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If I had to give this a name, and you
know I love giving things a name, I
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would actually just call this becoming
the detective instead of the judge.
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Most of us judge ourselves immediately.
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What do you say to yourself?
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You go, "Oh my gosh, I
shouldn't feel this way.
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I'm overreacting.
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I'm too sensitive.
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No wonder nobody likes me."
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Sound familiar?
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Yeah, we've all said
those things to ourselves.
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But instead, I want you to
put your detective hat on.
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Ask yourself, "What happened?
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What did I make that mean?
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And more importantly, when
have I felt this before?"
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Notice I didn't ask,
"When did this start?"
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Because sometimes you don't
even know when that started.
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Sometimes your body remembers
long before your mind does.
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So here's something I
want you to try this week.
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Simple exercise.
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The next time you notice a big emotional
reaction, just pause, take a slow breath,
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and ask yourself these three questions.
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Number one: What just happened?
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Number two: What is the story
I immediately tell myself?
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And number three, and this may
seem really strange to you, but
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how old do I feel right now?
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The last question surprises almost
everyone, because you'll often
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realize, "I don't feel 57 years old.
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I feel 8, or I feel 12.
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I feel 5.
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I feel like that scared little kid
who believed they weren't enough."
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And that is incredibly invaluable
information Because honestly, once
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you realize that your eight-year-old
self is driving the bus, you can
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lovingly invite your adult self
back into the driver's seat.
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Healing doesn't happen
because you get triggered.
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Healing happens because you stop believing
every trigger is telling you the truth.
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The trigger is not your enemy.
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It's a messenger, and if you stop
fighting it long enough to listen,
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it may show you exactly where your
next layer of healing is waiting.
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David also shared something
that I hope sticks with you.
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He reminded us, "Don't
give up on yourself."
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I couldn't agree more.
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Healing isn't about pretending
your childhood never happened.
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It's about refusing to let it
write the rest of your story.
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I talk all the time about how when
I was a child, I used to feel like
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somebody else was writing my story,
and I wasn't holding the pen.
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But now I am a grown-ass adult,
and I get to hold the pen to this.
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I get to write the rest of my
story, and so do you, my friends.
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You get to write the rest of your story.
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So if this episode resonated with
you at all, and you're kinda tired
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of reacting in ways that you don't
understand, I would love to help you.
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During my complimentary Clarity
and Calm call, we'll be identifying
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the survival patterns your nervous
system learned years ago and more
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importantly, how to start changing them.
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Or if you're just curious about maybe
what chronic stress did to you and how
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you might be communicating through these
patterns through your body, I also offer
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a complimentary AO Biofrequency scan demo.
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We can explore your body's stress patterns
and talk about practical next steps.
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You'll find both links in the show notes.
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But before you go, I want you
to remember this: your trigger
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is not proof that you're broken.
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It's proof that a younger part of
you is still waiting to be heard.
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So until that time, take care of yourself,
be gentle with yourself, and remember,
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healing begins the moment curiosity
becomes stronger than self-judgment.
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I'll see you next time.
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Take care, and I love you guys.
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Have a good day.
