How do you survive and even thrive through a tumultuous divorce? You will be surprised to learn that sometimes when you mend yourself you won't actually need to end your marriage. The guest on Doing Divorce Different this week was special; Karen McMahon Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. Her insight comes first hand. When you hear her unique story, you will be amazed that she picked up from the ashes and created a beautiful life. Now she helps other people through the process.
One of my favorite moments was when Karen talked about mending yourself first and then making the decision if you should end the marriage or not. As we listen in this episode, we learn how sometimes if you heal yourself your marriage actually does not need to end. Karen's marriage did end and she emerged transforming her beautiful life.
Karen talks about sitting in your feelings even if they are hard to feel. As you know feelings will not kill us: and to heal we need to feel, process the feelings and then release them. She talks about staying present. People often circle back to the past or fear of the future; this sucks the energy better spent dealing with the moment.
When you are dealing with a high conflict person divorce can be extremely difficult. This is where Karen talks about mending yourself. You have no power over the other persons action; however you don't need to take the bait. You can train yourself to maintain awareness rather than defend yourself. She talks about stopping and asking yourself, “how important is this to me?” and then create space for yourself. Sometimes even just counting to 10, other times you table the conversation, take a walk etc.
It is always important to keep your kids out of the chaos (no matter what age). Karen's situation was very difficult because her soon to be ex was bad talking her to the kiddos. Karen talked about how she had to deal with the angry kids without throwing her husband under the bus; or dragging the kids into the issues surrounding the divorce. In the end she was able to establish compassion for her ex husband and that has made all the difference. I truly want all my clients to begin the healing journey, heal yourself: because I don't want you to be in this position again.
Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation.
"I’m the person I wish I had by my side throughout my divorce journey and I look forward to helping you along yours."
You can find Karen at:
Website
Listen here
The book she mentioned was: Getting the Love you Want
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After 18 years of Elder Law and Family Law, Lesa Koski brings extensive experience to the complex area of Mediation. In truth, Lesa Koski Mediates wherever she shows up. She is fully equipped with the communication skills that bring a taste of peace to the nastiest discrepancies.
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