Today I interviewed my husband…most people assume that my husband is a health nut and he is always onboard with what I am trying to get him to do. Nothing could be further from the truth. So if you are struggling to get your partner on board, wish he would care more - you need to listen to this episode (and send it to your partner).

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Key Takeways

05:36 Dietary Changes

11:00 Health Comparison

18:02 Encouraging Partner Health

25:41 Lab Testing Importance

31:00 Marriage and Health

36:42 Gradual Health Changes

Memorable Quotes

“I know what it feels like to feel good, and so I want to do more things where I can feel good."

"It's laughable to think that you're going to figure out what's going on with you without testing, and you're going to know if what you're doing is working without retesting it."

"Marriage is that long-term partnership where you're building something together. If you're both contributing and you're both on the same team, that's a good sign."

Connect with JP Levesque

Website - www.profitablegyms.com

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jp-levesque-782331255/ 

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jp_levesque24/ 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008907617336 

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/4OMCVp96leMFTGI9xIq0R9

Connect With Dr. Jane Levesque

Website - https://www.drjanelevesque.com/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drjanelevesque/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/DrJaneLevesque/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@dr.janelevesque7319

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JP Levesque 0:00 - 0:13

What can ladies do thing? I mean, I think that you can start off small and you can start off with small things that are impactful, you know, like straight up, like, oh, my calf's cramp all the time. Like, oh, cool. You're missing some essential electrolytes and salts.

Dr. Jane Levesque 0:13 - 0:13:

Electrolytes.

JP Levesque 0:13 - 0:39:

So it's like if you can fix some basic problems that will make you feel better on a day to day basis, like, you'll build more trust of like, hey, we're going to do this thing, hey, we're going to do this thing, etc. Timing is also a factor, right? Like if your dude is busy and stressed out about this certain thing, like what you're asking to do is likely just another decision to be made or.

Dr. Jane Levesque 0:39 - 2:09:

Just like, you know, pregnancy is a natural process. So if it's not happening or if it's not sticking, something is missing. After having a family member go through infertility and experiencing a miscarriage myself, I realized how little support and education women have around infertility. I want to Change that. I'm Dr. Jane Levesque. I'm a naturopathic doctor and a natural fertility expert. Tune in every Tuesday at 9am for insightful case studies, expert interviews, and practical tips on how you can optimize fertility naturally. If you've been struggling with infertility, pregnancy loss, women's health issues, or you just want to be proactive and prepare yourself for the next big chapter in your life, this show is for you. Today I sat down with my husband to give a male perspective of what it's like to get involved in the health journey. And, and for you it might be the fertility journey as well. So everyone assumes that my husband was a health nut when we met and there's been no nagging or no issues in terms of me getting him on board with some of the supplements, diet and lifestyle changes that we have made. And over the last 10 years, we have made incredible amount of changes. So we sat down and we talked about his journey, what it's like from his perspective and some advice that he could give you as a female and also some advice to your male partner on how to come on this health and fertility journey together. I hope you enjoy this episode. Thanks for being here.

JP Levesque 2:10 - 2:11:

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Jane Levesque 2:12 - 2:50:

Oh, people are excited to meet you, the man of the hour. I talk about you a lot and I think there are some assumptions that people make about. I mean, obviously we all make assumptions, but the assumption is that you were a health nut or are a health nut. And I would Love to have some perspective drawn out from where we were when we first met, where you are now and how, God forbid I use the word nagged you into. It's accurate doing stuff. It's accurate. Yeah. So tell people where you were before we met.

JP Levesque 2:52 - 3:41:

I mean, it's really a how far back do you want to go? Question. But let's just say when we met, I was eating and doing things that I thought were healthy that were healthier than I had been in the past, but retrospectively were not healthy at all. So, you know, just still eating some amounts of fast food and still drinking just lots of Diet Coke and no water and not really taking any supplements. And I was, I was younger back then, so I could still beat up my body a lot more and get away with it. But yeah, just kind of put miles on my body and not eating well and thinking that I was doing okay. And yeah, that was pretty much it.

Dr. Jane Levesque 3:42 - 4:01:

I mean, I think we all have a perception of health that has changed because I mean, even if I look back 10 years ago when we first started dating, the things that we're doing now are a lot more. I don't know if it's drastic, but like it's more refined. So how do you see it now, what we're doing?

JP Levesque 4:02 - 4:07:

How do I see now what we're doing now compared to what we were used to doing?

Dr. Jane Levesque 4:08 - 4:10:

Yeah. Or what you did even before we met.

JP Levesque 4:11 - 5:34:

I mean, it's kind of come full circle in a sense that before we met I knew what I needed to do and I was doing a version of it that wasn't very good. And so just speaking specifically in terms of diet, like, let's start. There would be more of a paleo style diet, Right. You're eating just natural foods from the ground, mostly meat and vegetables. And that was kind of what I needed to do. I made a lot more concessions back then, you know, like eating, okay, I'll eat Paleo, but I'll have this gluten free bread product thing and I'll have it with a can of Diet Coke. Well, like that's. Your ancestors didn't really have those things, did they? So now it's do it the right way because I've since kind of tippy toeing into that have gone through many extreme iterations of, you know, dieting like macros and all kinds of different stuff. And so just from a nutrition point of view, just coming back to good, solid basics without constantly trying to replace the things that I know we shouldn't have anyway. Like, I know Oreos are vegan, but that doesn't make them healthy. So yeah, that's just fundamentally doing nutrition the right way, I think is one of the aspects that most people are, you know, struggling with or want to know about.

Dr. Jane Levesque 5:36 - 6:00:

Yeah, what about the supplements? I still remember the day when we were walking back from CrossFit workout and I told you you should start with this is before we were even dating. And I was like, you need some electrolytes because your calves were like cramping up and seizing. And then I remember we were walking back like, I don't know, it was two weeks later again, and you're like, yeah, I just feel like I'm not as drained anymore.

JP Levesque 6:01 - 7:50:

Weird. Yeah, yeah, super weird. The supplements are like dramatically different because again, when you're a 20 something year old dude, you're like, yeah, I'll just take workout related stuff or I don't really need anything, or basically just give me protein powder so I can get huge. But the supplements now are like, I don't even know what I'm taking. I'm taking so many things. Like I'm taking conservatively 50 caps a day or maybe more of different stuff. And the supplements come in different waves. Sometimes it's a, you're building your body up and sometimes it's a, you're pushing something that's in your body through like a heavy metal detox or a parasite cleanser or whatever. And the fun part about being married to Dr. Jane is you never know what's gonna happen. You don't know what's in that pill caddy. Well, I got some new supplements for you. It's gonna be great. And then she puts a bunch of pills in the thing and then you're tired and you're all tired and you're like, what did you give me? I don't feel good. And other times it's like, well, I feel great. So I think the view on supplements has shifted dramatically, which is like, no, this is just kind of like the cost of business. Like you have to be taking a bunch of stuff to exist just healthily in the world. Because the world is such an unhealthy place now. So I think without having some other kind of side goal of like, I want to detox this or I want to build up this or I want to do that. Most people should be taking probably 5 to 6x the amount of supplements they are taking. You know, like, it's not just a multi and vitamin D. There's a ton of stuff you need just for a Consistently strong foundation on top of whatever other your ancillary goals are.

Dr. Jane Levesque 7:51 - 7:54:

Yeah. How did I convince you to do that?

JP Levesque 7:55 - 8:12:

Well, you're very pretty. I don't know. You know, part of it is just like, what did you think would happen? First of all, you got married, and so what do women do? I can fix him. You know, he'll be better. He'll listen to me. This guy. This one's different.

Dr. Jane Levesque 8:13 - 8:16:

So we did talk about it before we got married, though.

JP Levesque 8:16 - 8:22:

I don't remember that. Just like 10 years ago. I don't even remember what happened last Tuesday.

Dr. Jane Levesque 8:24 - 8:30:

I remember it. It was a big thing for me. So to be like, we need to be on the same page, and these are my values.

JP Levesque 8:30 - 8:30:

Great.

Dr. Jane Levesque 8:30 - 8:32:

Yeah, great.

JP Levesque 8:32 - 9:35:

I mean, you know, part of marriage is you have to listen to your lady because she's going to say some stuff to you, and you have to do enough of it to make her happy. But it's one of those things, like, men have a bunch of stuff that they think about that is just stupid, that women would never relate to. Just whatever. Anything from an action movie, anything you spend your time thinking about, your wife very likely doesn't think about at all. And it goes the other way. The conflict I feel in most marriages is I don't need Jane to get interested in dirt bikes or monster trucks or guns or karate or dynamite or, you know, whatever it is the thing is I'm doing into her life. But it goes the other way where whatever she's doing is going to come into my bubble, and I've got to accept some of that. Like, that's the give and take of marriage, you know?

Dr. Jane Levesque 9:35 - 9:39:

Well, you almost don't want me to get involved in the other stuff because it's yours.

Yeah. I mean, like, we have kids. Like, what's mine? What do we do? We don't. It's boring. We don't do anything. We just try and keep our sanity and health and, you know, whatever. But, yeah, some of that's got to be expected, you know, like, it's just. There's memes. So you can talk to your dad about it. He's been married to your mom for a long time, and that's just the reality you live in. So, anyway, part of it was like, yeah, I know what I'm signing up for, and sometimes I'm more in the mood for it than others, basically. Meaning, like, okay, fine, I'll do your thing versus I really don't want to do your thing. But at the end of the day, generally, in a general Sense like, I know you're right. That's the irritating thing, right? To be like, fine, I'll do the thing is kind of it. And yeah, there's that level of I don't necessarily want to do this thing now because I had kind of my own whatever, or I just don't want to do another thing because I'm already thinking about so many things and doing so many other things. But it does just boil down to like, she's just right. Just objectively, there's not a good reason that I couldn't do this thing because what she's offering is generally pretty sensible and I should just shut up and do it. So that's generally what I do.

Thank you. That's very nice of you to say. Where is your health now versus 10 years ago? Do you notice a big difference?

I don't know.

Or maybe people that. When we compare ourselves to people our.

Age, I mean, that's tough on and in our situation.

Meaning, like they have kids, they're running.

Businesses, it's tough to compare because it's like, well, first of all, I'm 10 years older, so do I feel as good as I did when I was 28? Probably not. But also like, what are the other factors? Like, I didn't have kids, so my life was easy and I didn't know it. Cool. You know, I didn't. I wasn't running my own business at the time. I was just, you know, showing up and doing stuff for other people that was a lot easier and I didn't know it. So it's not, it's not a one to one comparison in most regards. I think sort of the root of the question is do you think that you would be worse off now if you weren't doing all this stuff? And the answer is like, quite obviously yes. And we did an experiment a couple of months ago. I was like, you know what? I'm tired of taking all these pills. Do I need to take all these pills? This seems stupid. I'm not going to do it. And so I took a week off all the supplements and I felt fucking terrible. I felt awful. It was like, okay, I guess there is something in all these caps. And like I said, it's at least 50 caps a day plus a squirt of this and a squirt of that and a green drink and, you know, vegetables with every meal. It's all that stuff. But if I tried to go back to eating like Wendy's and no vegetables and no supplements and, you know, whatever, like I would just die. Like, I would just feel awful. So it's one of those things. Like it's just a way of life now because I know it's a necessity. How do I think that we do compared to other people? Obviously better. Because if I felt that bad without taking the things and without eating, well, how do you think they feel? And you can see it, right? Like, life takes a lot out of you. Your kids take a lot out of you. Children. I mean, let's be real here. Children are. They are sweet.

This is a fertility podcast.

Creatures. But at the same time, they're awful demons. You know, like just screaming and throwing stuff and just no reason, no logic, no nothing. Like, it can be very draining. Right. We can agree. So.

Yep. Well, and what I would say is this is an alarm to me when if you're exhausted and you don't have kids and you're in your early 30s, like, that's a huge problem right there. Because part of the reason why we're so exhausted is because of our children and the demand that it is to just have little ones.

Yeah. I mean, I think to kind of bottom line, it is. Like, I don't feel constantly exhausted. It just depends on output. Right. Like, am I in a phase of, let's say my health right now, where I'm in more of a building phase, or am I in a maintenance phase? Or am I in more of a, you know, like a push phase? Right. So, like, I'm pushing out heavy metals or parasites or whatever stuff is inside my body. Right. I'm full of it. It's true. Or am I maintaining, which we're basically never doing? It's always kind of one of the. Or is Jane helping me build for, like, for athletics for like a big ultra race that's coming up, or I'm just training a lot more because I want to or whatever. And so if I don't have the capacity to have that output, like, I can't do the things that I want. And that's just kind of a very straightforward thing. Like, yeah, I had to buy into all the extra stuff that we have to do because, like, let's be real, it is a bunch of extra stuff. You know, who wants to go gluten.

Free 50 caps a day and.

Yeah. And take 50 caps a day and all that other stuff. But at the end of the day, like, if I can't maintain an output, I'm happy with to do the things that I want to do, like, I'm just going to be miserable all the time. So it's extremely worth the minor inconveniences, I would say.

Yep. I think you finishing a hundred K race this year, they got nice big rock there in the background for your ultra. I said this to you after you finished the race where it's like, I don't know if you could have done that 10 years ago.

Yeah, I mean, and I agree because there was a bunch of things that were just stupid on my part. Right. Like, if I think about the basics of maintenance and a healthy diet and supplementation and kind of all those things, like, again, I was 10 years younger, so I could just get away with most of those things. But I also just like wouldn't have had enough of a knowledge base and enough of a, like, routine to get through that. Like, yeah, part of it is knowledge gaps and I think part of it is physical structure. But yeah, I agree. I ran that 100k and I didn't like, I didn't get cramps. I didn't like the recovery. Sure, it was smashed after, but like, I survived it. And so I don't think 10 years ago I would have survived it is kind of the bottom line of it.

From like the naturopath perspective. The reason I think there's for short time because you tried it the year before and you did it and it was like, listen, you just started running. Like, before you did a marathon. Your longest distance was like 10 kilometers maybe. But from like the naturopathic brain, if I can take you down that rabbit hole for a second is like, if your liver function isn't good and you just can't break down the lactic acid and there's too much oxidative stress already. And then you're trying to run and break down basically muscle and create more oxidative stress. The body just can't keep up. So that's what I've just found about the glutathione. And I was literally like giving you squirts of it every time I saw you. And I just remember you finishing the race and I'm like, you're glowing, man. That's weird. You're like this glowing star. You've just been running all night, but you look amazing.

It all helps. I mean, all the little things help. And, you know, like I said, we've talked about that first year where I went out and tried that 100k and didn't finish. And like, I don't know if that was a. I mean, it's stomach issues. I don't want to rabbit hole into what ultra marathoning is like. But it's basically like trying to run all day and all night while you're, like, nauseous and maybe will vomit and, like, your stomach can't really take things in. So I think that was a bit of a case of, like, I didn't know what I didn't know. But coming into the race this year, like, knowing that, knowing how I got taken out the year prior and having to wait an entire year for another shot, like, really sucked. I was able to just go in a position where I felt like I had really built myself up. Like, I had put in the training volume, and I was taking, you know, like, a ton of pills. And it's funny because you'll take all these pills and be like, do I really need to take these? What are these even doing? But then when you're on up, like, a building phase and you're a push and you're taking all these, like, you're taking CT minerals, you know, your body needs, and you're taking bcatp, you're like, yeah, give me more pills. Right. So I can do the thing. But, yeah, I definitely felt more built coming into it.

Yep, for sure. So a couple questions for you. A lot of my ladies have a hard time getting their men into the journey with them to get them healthier for the purposes of fertility or just in general. My drive to get you healthier was like, I don't want to die alone, and I want to be able to do things together. And just being able to see that picture. The question that you already answered, hey, if you didn't change anything, would you be different now? 10 years versus, like, I'm not feeling better than when I was 28. But if I didn't change anything when I was 28, I would be in a very different place. So the question is, you know, advice for ladies that you could give of how they can. I'm not sure if the right word is express themselves or support their males through this journey so they can, you know, get healthier.

Yeah, I mean, that's tough. I mean, I think the easiest way to get your guy to do something is just to put it in front of him. Like, Jane doesn't say, like, hey, do you want to do this thing? She's just like, here, take this. And I. Okay. And you're like, I got stuff on my desk. I'm supposed to take all this. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I forget about it. But, you know, every Sunday, we sit down together and we take out this enormous stack of pills into these, like, comically large, oversized, like, old person pill caddies. And we sit down and we put all the pills in and it's like, well, first of all, I know that I feel terrible when I don't take the pills. And second of all, it's just baked into this thing that's now right in front of me all the time. So don't give them a choice. Here you go. Take this thing. Here, I made a green drink for you. It doesn't taste good. Drink it anyway. Shut up. That's it. Just put it in front of them. You're doing this.

I think the problem. That's it. I think the problem is women. And they want the men to be more involved. Like, they want the man to want to do it. What do you have to say about that?

I think that's insane. I think that's insane. Of course I don't want to do it.

It's true. This is really helpful. I think it's really helpful because I try to say this to, you know, women all the time, but it's. Any other advice besides putting it in front and like, it's not really a choice.

I mean, like, you're adults. You have to have an adult conversation at some point, right? To be like, hey, this is important to me. And as the saying goes, happy wife, happy life. You know, if you have a pissed off wife all the time, like, you're not doing that well, you know it, I know it. No one's great. If you're a gal out there and you're super naggy, I mean, you know, that doesn't help either. But marriage is a push, pull, it's a give, take. And there has to be some equilibrium. And if you're, as a lady, have some, like, deeply unexpressed thing, and there's, you know, disharmony in the house. First of all, is your dude tuned in, like, at all? Because we're not tuned in very much. Like, just straight up, we're not. We're like, yeah, I go work, I hunt things, I come back, I throw rocks at stuff. Like, we're just like, we are simple creatures, right? Eat meat, sharp stick. Like, that's kind of what we are. But you got to present your thing to the dude to be like, hey, this is important to me. And if it's not important to him, like, I mean, probably got bigger problems, but you gotta just make your case, hey, this is important to me. This is what we're doing. This is why. And so generally, if there's, you Know, like a healthy marriage going on, the dude will recognize I should probably get on board with this because I signed up for it and yeah, I mean that's a bit of marriage in a nutshell. I don't know exactly if every man knows what he's signing up for, you know, I don't think there's any way that he can. I don't think there's any. I mean, it's two sided, right? I can change him, it'll be better. And like, she's nice, she'll make me dinner sometimes, you know, like.

Yeah, I think it's like you said, ladies, like we have to make our case. And I also recognize myself, like I have to be reasonable in terms of what I'm going to ask you to do and the changes because it's like if I give you a cleanse for 10 days where you're only going to drink juice and coffee enemas every day and take 50 pills a day, it's like you're just not going to do it because that's not very, like, it's too big of a. I mean, I just don't think that's good anyways. But sometimes I think we have to step back and realize like it took you how long to stop drinking Diet Coke.

You don't know what I do. I know, I don't know, man. I grew up drinking diet soda, so I don't know. Forever.

Yeah, it's like it hasn't been, it's only been a couple of years.

Yeah.

Like we've been married for 10, but it's, it hasn't been 10 years. And so the joke is always, you're like, leave my, you know, leave my corn chips alone or leave my Diet Coke alone. And to me it's just knowing that, hey, there's a deeper attachment here and there's something that he's been doing for a long time. And, and so if I can continue to encourage the change in a way that's reasonable for you that later, I mean, I know on the background too that we're like changing your microbiome and you're not going to crave those things anymore. But it like it's years. It's not months, it's years.

Yeah, I mean, going back to your what can ladies do Thing, I mean, I think that you can start off small and you can start off with small things that are impactful, you know, like straight up, like, oh, my calf's cramp all the time, like, oh, cool, you're missing some essential Electrolytes and salts.

Electrolytes.

So it's like, if you can fix some basic problems that will make you feel better on a day to day basis, like, you'll build more trust of like, hey, we're going to do this thing. Hey, we're going to do this thing, et cetera. A timing is also a factor, right? Like, if your dude is busy and stressed out about this certain thing, like what you're asking to do is likely just another decision to be made or just like, you know, perceived as another stress. So the timing does matter. But just starting with those simple wins, like, Jane didn't nag me about like stopping doing some things, right? Like, I'm not drinking diet soda because I know that it's not good for me. Just straight up, like it's chemicals in a bottle. Like, I recognize that after a long time of doing it, like neither of us drinks anymore. It's like, I've never been a big drinker, but I recognize that it is poison in a bottle. Like, I don't smoke weed, like, I don't take drugs. Like, I don't, you know, whatever. Because those things are not healthy for me. And after spending so much time, like going through a journey of getting healthier and healthier and healthier, I know what it feels like to feel good. And so I want to do more things where it feels like, you know, where I can feel good. And so some of that is just self reinforcing. So starting off with some things that, well, maybe are like more symptomatic patches right before you do some of the deeper stuff, I think that could be a good strategy.

What about lab testing? Did you find that was helpful? Because we've done lots on you.

Yeah. I mean, again, it's like going, coming back to the thing where like your wife is right, you know, you've been like, hey, I need you to take a dump in this nacho container and mail it off to these people. And this lady's going to show up and take your blood and you're going to pee in this thing in the morning and like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, cool. Because like, at the end of the day, do you want to know what's going on or not? And that's kind of it. It's like people who are scared to check their bank account, it's like, do you want to know what's going on or not? It's like the people who check in on their health, they're proactive. I guarantee you that they are healthier. Just like the people that check their finances every Friday. I guarantee you that financially, they're better off because they're being accountable for it. They're being proactive. Like, they want to know. So I think it's actually like, really laughable to think that you're, A, going to figure out what's going on with you without testing, and B, you're going to know if what you're doing is working without retesting it. Like, it's just like a common sense thing that you have to get those markers and get that information to figure out what the problem is and figure out if what you're doing is working.

I think men are also more, like, logical and data driven. So then if you see numbers, it's a lot easier for you to say, oh, okay, like, that's red. I don't really know what that means, but I know that that's not good.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I took my last test, and she's like, this is fine. That's fine. That's getting better. Oh, this is red, that's red, that's red. And I'm. Well, shit. You can't argue with that's red. Like, green is good, yellow is questionable, and red is bad. Okay, do something about the red bad things, you know? And it's also like, Jane doesn't want to die alone, because who does? But they're also like, there are also certain things that buttons that you can push as ladies to get your band to do stuff, you know, like, the be a man button is a strong button, you know, like, take care of yourself. Take care of your family. Like, protector. But, like, that's important. It's like, hey, do you want to be around to take care of your family? I need you to poop in this box, right? Yeah, it's right. Like, hey, you want to be a big, strong man? I need you to take these pills. You know, some of that's in there. Play with the psychology. It's there.

Do you think a little passive aggressive or just aggressive?

It depends on how you do it. It depends on how you do it.

We had a little comment today on breakfast. I don't remember what it was, but it was just aggressive versus passive aggressive.

Dr. Jane doesn't put her dishes away. Okay? You finish the meal, you rinse your plate, you put it in the dishwasher. She's smart, she's pretty, she's capable. She's the mother of my children. But she's messy with the dishes.

You know, it's funny because my naturopath would be very proud, the one who told me to be messy because I was so like growing up with a mom who has OCD and being so strict. And I mean, you know, my mom. And now I've really let go of that part of me, but I know I need to reel it in. I do know your mom.

Look, and like we talk about this because it's just stupid, right? A lot of conflicts in marriage is they're not marital problems, they're roommate problems. And it's like, so first of all, grow up. Just in general, be a good roommate. Be a good roommate. So put your dishes away.

But do tell the other person.

Do tell the other person in a.

Passive aggressive way or just in an aggressive way.

I know we're rabbit holeing here, but I think it depends on the nature of your relationship. Like taking funny jabs at each other that you know are funny and are received well is one thing versus just like being rude to the other person because they're not. You're not being heard.

Yeah. Yes. Okay. What advice do you have for men for women who are trying not to nag their husbands but they don't know how not to do it?

That's two different questions. I don't know. What advice do I have for men on what?

So advice for men who are resistant, I guess, to the change, they want to hear their partner on it. But it's, you know, I just think back about like where you were versus where you are now. And obviously, like, I'm a different person too. And there's been a lot of evolution through that. But it's where you were in terms of your habits now versus where you were versus where you are now. And I think there is very much intention like, you let me change you. And maybe this is another just like a marital question, you know, because I genuinely think, like, if the guy really cares, he's going to change. But we as ladies can also be a little bit unrealistic in terms of what the expectations are. So just the advice for men on how to handle a situation where the woman wants the guy to be more involved in the health journey and the fertility journey.

So I mean, first of all, it's just the broad statement of like, hey, buddy, you signed up for this. Like you said initially, neither side really knows what it's like to be married for a long time. But I think it's your view of your partner and of marriage long term that influences or allows those things to happen. Like Jan and I's 10 year anniversary is coming up here very soon, and it's like, are you partners who are building something together for the future? Because that's how I look at it. Because it's like, if I want to continue to build something with Jane. And so, again, I know she's right about most of this stuff. I mean, I have some limits, but in general, it's like, okay, you're right, I'll do it. Okay, you're right, I'll do it. Okay, you're right, I'll do it. And eventually you just do stuff because you know that she's right. But that's because I see us building this future together. And so, I mean, that pretty much sums that up. So, yeah, just grow up, man. You signed up for it, and that's your future and happy wife, happy life. And she wants you to be healthier so that you can not die of a heart attack and hang out and take care of her and the family. So I think that's pretty much it. Like, I don't know what else to say other than, like, if you're married, you need to get on board with stuff. Otherwise you got bigger problems. And I think, ladies, in terms of how you broach certain subjects, you just, like, have to say that it's important to me. And this is why, like, remember that men are really objective and logical and also, like, not tuned in to your inner world, right? Like, Jane sends me memes about kitty cats. Like me talking to my husband after a long day. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. And it's like, it's funny because it's true, right? I'm just trying to read, like, my sci fi book about space wars and stuff. And then she's talking about her lady things, and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on here, but I guess I'll close my book and listen, you know? But if there's something that's weighing on her, like, you gotta listen, so you gotta spell it out. Make your case. Make sure that your dude knows it's important to you. And then like, remove choice, remove decision making. Again, it's another mean, like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And you just kind of start suggesting the thing. And your wife's like, that all sounds terrible. And it's like, well, just remove the choice. It's. People are so tired of making decisions all day, every day that I think just saying, hey, this is what we're doing. That's what I would Start with. And then if that's not sort of easily accepted, then this is what I want. This is why it's important to me.

Yeah. And I mean, I don't think you're saying that like the woman has to do everything because that's not, for example, like it's a lot to cook, to clean, to do the supplements. And we very much tag team like supplements now. You started to help out as well. But then I basically tell you what, because it just like doesn't take us that long, but I take care of all the ordering and making sure that we know exactly what we're doing and what we're taking the same with, like groceries. And then when we do meal prep, it's like you're doing the grilling, whereas I'm doing some of the veggie stuff or just depending on what's going on. So it's not like the woman is just going to do everything and remove the choice from. In that standpoint, you know, you will have to get involved.

I mean, I feel like that's a different subject. One is like, hey, I need you to like, come with me on this health thing and like basically clean your act up, right? Like, nobody wants to stop eating chicken nuggets and smoking and drinking and like, you know, if you've been doing all that stuff. But clean your act up is kind of one thing. But the other thing I look at in terms of marriage is just like, it's gotta be. The suffering's gotta be equal, man. Like, if it feels like one partner is winning, you're actually losing, right? Like, oh, yeah, my wife does all this stuff and while she's doing it, she hates me, right? Like she's just like, I'll make dinner for you. I hope you choke on it. You know, like that kind of stuff versus like we both literally and metaphorically, like wipe the kids butts, you know, like, do the dishes, make the food, do the pickups. Like you got to share the load of suffering because like, again, I see marriage as a long term partnership. And so if you're a good partner in any sense, like you share the load of that. And it's also just like it's the year 2024, man. Like, that's just modern sort of standards of marriage and living where like the dude's got to step up and do more stuff. And if you have that like that fantasy that you're going to come home and you're going to sit in your recliner like Al Bundy style, that's just get over it.

I mean, I think just, yeah, every marriage is different and so we can't really speak of. But it's like most women are in the workforce now, so it's different than, like, if I was just a stay at home, I think the life would be different. And even I'll see it on social media. A bunch of stay at home moms. They're like, I'm a stay at home mom. And I'm like, you have a million followers. You're running a business on the background. You're a stay at home mom, but you have a business. Like, there's nothing stay at home about it, you know, so anyways, sharing the load and being communicative and realistic with your expectations I think is important.

Realistic with expectations is definitely important. Like, you know, like, I use that example of like, you're eating chicken nuggets and you're smoking and you're drinking and it's like, clearly that's a, you know, somewhat of an absurd example. But it's like, it doesn't start by just going cold turkey and being like, hey, guess what? You're a vegan now and you can't do any of that stuff. It's like, okay, well, please just shoot me. Like, I don't want to, but it starts with like, hey, how about instead of, you know, we just cut back on some certain things and then we get rid of one thing and we replace it with another thing and we just like, I didn't change my health overnight, right? It took a long time to get there. And even now, like, we're doing a month of, you know, gluten free, whatever, and it's like, it's not hard. I don't mind it, I don't care. It doesn't bother me. But, you know, 10 years ago I'd have been like, you're crazy. You are a crazy person. I am not doing this. So I think just to realize that, like, part of it is always going to be a work in progress, right? Like, you can't. Don't just try and change everything at once. You gotta start by doing some things. Like, yeah, yeah, okay, maybe there's gonna be more drastic shifts than others, but it can't be everything all at once. It's gotta be. You gotta stack things.

Yep, that's it. That's all the questions I had for you. This was really great. Thank you for your honesty.

Nothing if not honest. I wish I had turned on my other light, though. Your lighting looks much better. You look so much better on camera. Than I do.

Any closing thoughts?

Not really. I mean, I think I kind of said everything that I would consider. Like, you know, marriage is that long term partnership where you're building something together. And if you're right, if you're with the right person and you want to keep building that future, it's like there's got to be push, pull. Both people feel like they're losing. You know, if you're both contributing and you're both on team whatever, like that's a good sign.

I did forget to ask you one thing. I mean, just because, you know, my patients and everyone who's listening is like thinking about having kids or struggling with infertility. We didn't really struggle with infertility, but we did have a miscarriage. And I'm wondering if you could share like your perspective in terms of what it was like for you versus Obviously you don't know what it was like for me, but what was it like for you to go through that?

I mean, it just really highlighted to me like the process. When you're young and let's say like, you know, early 20s, people just have babies and you have no reference for anything, right? Like, yeah, you just, you just start having kids and like that's kind of the thing. So you don't really know how much people struggle and like how much stuff happens. And it's like unfortunately pretty common. So that really just highlighted like, first of all, it was sad and it really highlighted to me how important certain aspects of it were that I really hadn't considered before. You know, like being healthy going into the process and then just like as the man supporting the woman more because it's not a given. Right? Like, that was kind of the highlight. That was kind of the lesson for me. It's like it's not a given that you just get pregnant and have a baby and everyone's healthy and happy and like it just goes through. Like you're gonna have to work at it and there are going to be some ups and downs to it. But like, if building a family is important to you, like you have to keep working at it, I guess.

Yeah, I think that was an eye opening experience for me as well. Like, we were both just like oblivious because with nods. With our firstborn, it was just like, I feel like we barely even tried and we were just like, okay, I guess it's good. Yeah. The pregnancy was not what I expected at all, but the miscarriage really kind of. I mean, it opened up the whole world of infertility to me. And why I'm here. But yeah, thank you.

Thanks for having me, Dr. Jane. It was an absolute pleasure.

Thanks guys. We'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening. To read the full show notes of this episode, including summary, timestamps, guest quotes, and any resources that were mentioned on the episode. Visit doctorjanelevesque.com podcast and if you're getting value from these episodes, I'd love it if you took 2 minutes to share it with a friend. Rate and leave me a review@ratethispodcast.com Dr. Jane the reviews will help with the discoverability of the show. And who knows, I might share your review on my next episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. And let's make your fertility journey your healing journey.