In Episode 9 of Journey Through the Song, Sam and Debbie step into one of the most intimate moments in the Song of Solomon—where love, desire, and affirmation come together in a powerful expression of marital intimacy. This episode explores how sexual intimacy in marriage is not rushed or mechanical, but thoughtfully cultivated through words, attention, and deep emotional connection. With biblical insight and practical wisdom, you’ll discover how God designed intimacy to be both deeply personal and profoundly meaningful rooted in love, security, and grace.

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Welcome to the Fortifying youg Family podcast.

It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.

Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong.

And now, here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.

Well, welcome back to our journey through the Song of Songs.

And we're so excited to be sharing with you in this session.

And Deb, it's a cold day here in Luxton.

I mean, it's snow outside on the ground, you know, and it's frigid temperatures.

But we're in here together sharing with you and we're excited just to continue this teaching in the Song of Solomon.

Now, in our last session, Solomon displayed his, we might say, joyful anticipation because it really was of finally uniting with his wife as he would meet her in this elaborate wedding processional.

And that was just a beautiful scene we looked at last time.

But we pick up the story now in chapter four, where the beauty and grace of their honeymoon night begins to unfold with each other.

Now, if you remember back in chapter two, in verses one through six, we already had hinted at the sexual progression that they were entering into on their honeymoon night.

But here in chapter four, it gives us a whole lot more details and it illuminates the real wonder of it.

But before we jump into the passage, I want to challenge your perspective on intimacy.

According to Linda Dillo, the most important sexual organ is your mind.

And she quotes Dr. Douglas Rosenau.

He's a theologian and a Christian sex therapist.

And he says sex is 80% imagination and mind and 20% friction.

But it's not just your thoughts in the bedroom, but it's also your thoughts throughout your day that determine how you respond to your husband's sexual advances.

And you know, in the previous sessions, as we began in chapter one and chapter two, we saw the wedding day and how they were talking in terms and tones of endearment to each other.

And, and we ended up at the wedding feast as they were again praising and just talking very romantically to each other.

And their minds were consumed with praise filled thoughts for each other.

And this really propelled them into this romantic evening of intimacy.

That night, the bride, during this time, she voiced her approval of Solomon's character, of his physique and of his sexual skill.

This prepared her mind so that later in chapter four, Solomon could prepare her body.

And as we dive into chapter four and work our way through the dialogue, notice the communication.

The wife's no longer consumed with self and how she looks or performs, but she's concentrating on the delight she finds in her husband.

Solomon opens the chapter by declaring the beauty of his bride, but she receives his compliments.

She doesn't feign modesty by correcting his statement.

She's his standard of beauty.

And there's no need for her to compare herself with other women.

She allows him, without interruption, to describe her features that he finds attractive.

She processes his compliments not according to to whether she feels beautiful, but as a blessing that she would have a God that cares so deeply for her.

A lot of times women don't feel they're so beautiful, but he's convincing her, his wife, that she really is beautiful.

So we pick up in verse one, and he's doing this.

He says, behold, there aren't fair, my love, behold, thou art fair.

That word fair means beautiful.

He said, honey, baby, you're so beautiful.

And he doesn't just tell her once.

He says, honey, you're beautiful, and honey, you're beautiful.

And he's telling her over and over again.

As you'll see all through the song, he's continually telling her that she is beautiful.

Now listen, guys, your.

Your wife wants to hear that often.

He wants to.

She wants to hear that over and over and over again.

Am I right then?

And she wants to know that her husband thinks she's beautiful.

And that's what he's doing.

Now.

He starts gazing in her eyes.

And as he gazes in her eyes, he reflects on the beauty of her eyes, and he compares it to a dove.

He says, thou hast dove's eyes within thy locks.

And he's saying, your eyes bring me peace.

Your eyes are gentle.

And so he's reflecting on how beautiful and how gorgeous her eyes are.

Now she must be gazing into his eyes also because she's fixed her mind on the traits that she admires about her groom.

And because she's done that, her eyes shine with this wonder that he is her gift from God.

And this wonder comes across as an innocence like that of a dove.

A mindset like this probably comes easier on the wedding night, right?

Because a couple is just still amazed that of all the people in the world, chose me.

That's right.

My spouse chose me.

But sometimes, after years of marriage, thoughts of these admirable traits of our husbands might not be at the forefront of our minds every time he feels some loving vibes coming on.

But wives, we can train ourselves to make an effort to, Philippians 4:8, our husbands, throughout our day, to be intentional, to count our blessings and thank God for specifics about our mates, especially when we're praying.

We have to train the most important sexual organ, our mind, to shift attention to what we admire about our husbands.

The rewards will be well worth the effort.

You know, the analogy of a dove could also be a reference to her virginity, her purity, her.

We know this is important to him because he admires her virginity in the beginning of chapter eight.

Now, significance of purity does not diminish once a couple is married and they're no longer virgins.

I mean, it's still very, very crucial and important, the purity in character and thought.

Life is something we should really cherish in each other as a spouse.

In a sensitive effort to make his bride feel accepted, Solomon moves from her eyes.

And he describes her hair and he describes her teeth.

Okay, we don't normally do this, but this he's progressing, starts at the top of her head.

And he starts progressing from her eyes at her face and down her body.

He says in verse one, thy hair is like a flock of goats that appear from Mount Gilead.

Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep.

They're even shorn, which come up from the washing whereof every one bear twins and none of them is barren.

Now, first he compares her to a bird, her dove's eyes.

And then he compares her to a flock of goats.

You ladies might be thinking that's not very romantic.

I've got birds eyes, I got goats hair.

But Solomon is actually being very sensitive.

He realizes his new wife is somewhat, we might say, bewildered by all the elaborate ceremonies and the magnificent decor of the palace.

I mean, after all, she's a country girl.

So he helps her relax by speaking to her using country analogies or metaphors that she's very familiar with.

Her long, soft, flowing hair reminds him of the long haired goats who gracefully descended the rugged mountains there that he's describing.

And the goats of Mount Gilead were known for their hair because it would glisten in the sun.

And he's saying, you have long, black, flowing hair that glistens like these goats in the sun.

And the yarn from these goats, their wool was exquisite.

And it was a very extra.

Extremely expensive.

And so this is a tremendous compliment that he's giving to her.

And so he says, listen, I want to contrast now this dark hair, this black hair with your teeth, okay?

So he contrasts the dark hair of the goats with the whiteness of freshly washed sheep.

Not only are teeth sparkling white, he says, but they're perfectly balanced in pairs.

They're all even.

Hey, listen.

And Best of all, none of them are missing.

Amen.

And it's something.

Solomon's looked at her hair, he's looked at her eyes, he's looking at her teeth and just talking to her about how beautiful she is.

I agree.

It's so sweet that the love language here, it's personal and it's specific.

Solomon's wife is unique.

She's a country girl.

And through his choice of words, he's convincing her that she's valuable to him.

He's connecting and really concentrating on how special she is to him.

Now, he didn't stop there.

In verse three, he says, your lips are like threads of scarlet and your speech is comely.

Your temples are like a piece of pomegranate within thy locks.

I mean, this guy is a romantic dude.

He knows how to talk to his wife.

Now, she must have applied some color to her lips, I assume, because Solomon is voicing his approval of the color of her lips.

And he looks past the shimmer of her wedding veil that she might have on to comment that her cheeks have a rosy appearance and it's similar to the inside of a pomegranate that's been cut in half.

And so he's putting her.

He's putting her at ease.

He's giving her security by assuring her that her face is exceptionally beautiful.

The bride, again, lady, she gracefully receives these compliments instead of denying her beauty.

And she concentrates on how blessed she is to have a guy that expresses approval.

And guys notice.

Solomon takes time to approach his wife and tell her these things.

He's talking about her face and how beautiful it is.

And then he moves.

He continues to move down her body and talks about her figure.

And that's what we really see him do next.

He's convincing her that every part of her is beautiful.

So in verse four, he says, your neck is like the Tower of David builded for an armory, wherein there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.

So Solomon continues to slowly gaze at his wife, and he's going down every inch of her body.

And he observes as he comes from her face, he goes down to her neck and compares her to a tower of David.

Again, this might seem a little odd to us, comparing her neck to the Tower of David, but it seems to be a reference to her very dignified posture that she has.

Commentators Dillo and Pinnace break down the analogy by explaining her neck, spoke of her erecting queenly carriage, and symbolized what she was to her husband.

I love this.

A source of strength And a source of encouragement to him, you know, and.

It could even be expanding the analogy by comparing all this elaborate jewelry she has on around her neck to the shields of warriors, because warriors are another protection and strength for a kingdom.

But Solomon, what he's doing, he's gently initiating the sexual progression with sincere appreciation and gratitude.

He's backing up his approval of her physical features with references to her outstanding character.

You know, by doing this, he's skillfully avoiding the common pitfall where a woman feels like all her husband cares about is sex.

He obviously cares about her entire person.

So he's taking time with her and he's being slow with his wife.

Is this important to a woman?

It's important to a wife, as you said.

So notice this guys, as we go through this solvent advances of progression as he once again, he lowers his gaze.

Again he starts at the top and he's going down her body.

In verse 5 he says, Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins which feed among the lilies.

Now the young rose, they're these graceful deer like creatures and they're known for their sexual playfulness.

It makes me think of gazing across a meadow and experience this sense of enchantment when I noticed two little frolicking fawns just perfectly matched out there playing with each other.

Yeah.

We see another reference to lilies in the next chapter in chapter five, where the bride describes Solomon's lips as lilies.

So here in verse 5, he could be so swept up in gazing at her beauty that he finds himself touching his as she described lily lips to her fawn like breasts.

It's a very intimate scene, more than likely, as Solomon expresses his delight in each of her features as he's describing them going down her body, her hair, her eyes, her lips, her neck.

He's gently caressing her and he's softly touching his wife.

And I say his wife because I want to stop and remind you that the context of all this romantic bedroom scene is between a husband and wife.

And God wants married couples to understand that he designed the husband and wife physiologically to need this type of sexual progression if they want to experience maximum marital intimacy.

And again, it blows me away that God has put this right in the heart of this book, the Song of Solomon, so that we will understand this.

It's powerful.

It's wonderful.

It is.

And the description of the little rose, the fongs, they convey this appreciation for a beauty that's natural.

But no matter what the exact imagery is suggesting, God himself is granting holy liberty to find pleasure in your spouse's body.

And this charming description reveals the heart of a creator who desires his creatures find allure and wonder in love.

We were amazingly designed to long for such a relationship.

Well, that's beautiful.

Just to think that God has made us this way to enjoy each other as a husband and wife.

Verse 6 says, until the daybreak.

This is Solomon speaking.

He says, and the shadows flee away.

I will get to the mountain of Myrrh, into the hill of Frankincense.

Solomon assures his bride that, listen, guys, he's not in a hurry.

He's willing to take all night to pause along the journey his wife's body to appreciate each feature of it.

And he's not taking her for granted, but he's expressing affirmation, affirming his love and acceptance of her entire being.

The journey, as we're seeing, is a gentle progression of stimulating and preparing her body.

The mountain of Myrrh and the hill of Frankincense, they refer to the destination of his bodily journey.

In chapter one, Shulamite told Solomon that he was like a packet of myrrh that laid all night between her breasts.

So this could refer to that mountain of Myrrh and the hill of Frankincense.

That's the location of her female organs, the final destination of his journey along her body.

Well, let me stress to you guys what every wife wants her husband to understand.

You need to take your time like Solomon is doing.

And a lot of wives will say, sam, could you just repeat that three or four more times?

What I'm saying is avoid rushing through having sex with your wife.

Listen, guys, if your lovemaking is only lasting five or ten minutes, then you may be reducing your wife to just an object of your mere sexual release.

In the book.

In her book the Intimate Issues, Linda Dillo states the difference in the amount of time it takes for a man to achieve orgasm versus a woman is a real one.

A husband usually needs about two or three minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm.

But a woman generally needs about 10 times that amount of time.

So if a man needs two or three minutes, guys, then a woman, if it needs, they need 10 times, it would be 20 to 30 minutes at a minimum.

And guys, listen, if you can't remember this, I often say this.

A man is kind of like a microwave oven.

He's ready in a few seconds.

But your wife is like a crock pot.

She takes a long time.

So you need to be and approach your wife asap as slow as possible.

It's Interesting.

If you look up the word intercourse in the dictionary in general, it defines intercourse as the exchange of thoughts and feelings.

Husbands, you need to remember emotional intercourse needs to precede sexual intercourse.

Dibos states it this way.

No doubt he's eager to make love to his wife's body.

But first he makes love to her soul by sensitively meeting her emotional needs.

That's a great statement.

First he makes love to her soul by sensitively meeting her emotional needs.

And then in verse seven, he's.

It's kind of like he comes to a crescendo.

It climaxes in verse seven.

He says, thou art all fair, my love.

There's no spot in you.

Or he says, you're all together beautiful.

You're so beautiful, and there's no spot in you.

Now, hey, let's be real.

Of course the bride has flaws and imperfections.

She pointed them out time and time again in chapter one.

And a number of brides to be right before they get married have expressed nervousness at the thought of disrobing on their wedding night in front of their new husband.

Imperfections are embarrassing when we obsess over them.

With age, the imperfections actually grow and increase in number.

We know that from personal experience.

But how is it possible to love someone who has unattractive features?

God's intention is that both spirit be focused on the fact that he gave us as precious gifts to one another.

I think of the movie Wonder and when Julia Roberts baby was born with what most people would consider a grotesque birth defect.

She thought he was absolutely adorable.

And she could proclaim this wholeheartedly because he belonged to her, he was her baby, and the entire family adored him.

He was a gift to them from God.

I mean, he was so beautiful to her.

She couldn't see any defects.

She couldn't see any flaws in him, you know?

And all this helps explain why God says in 1st Corinthians 7:4 that the husband and wife have authority or ownership the body of their spouse.

We unconditionally accept and love what belongs to us.

And throughout the song, Solomon claims his wife as my love, and Shulamite refers to her husband as my beloved.

Okay, so in chapter six, in verse three, the bride, she confidently declares, I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.

In chapter seven, verse ten, she announces, I am my beloved's and his desire is for me.

Just continually saying, we belong to each other.

You're mine, I'm yours.

And they continually telling each other that you're mine.

Now this is a way of life.

Exemplified by Jesus, who sincerely loves ugly beings like us with an undying devotion just because we're a gift to him from the Father.

The very character of Jesus is love.

And we have the capacity to love with what we might call blind eyes.

Through him, his story becomes our narrative.

And Ian Dugan explains, if you'll begin to find your security and significance in the Lord, you will start to be free to delight in the unique ways in which the Lord has gifted your spouse and fitted him or her for you.

Wow.

And Solomon, he receives his bride as a gift from God, and therefore he genuinely does not.

He doesn't notice her flaws.

And what hope and what instruction for marriage.

I have to stop here and think for a second too about Ephesians, chapter 5:1.

It talks about how that one day Jesus will present us as a bride of splendor, having no spot, having no blemishes.

He sees us as a beautiful, beautiful bride.

And this is an endorsement, really another endorsement of avoiding the progression until the wedding night.

Because only after covenant vows are spoken before God does a husband and wife actually and completely belong to each other.

We do not belong to each other until we have covenant vows and.

And we're actually married to each other.

Since Solomon is not concerned about self, he's able to fully concentrate on his bride and celebrate her uniqueness.

He's able to just fully, and that's what he's doing as he progresses down her body, he's concentrating on her and he's celebrating how beautiful she is to him.

He sees her as his prized possession, as a precious gift to him.

And in same way, when the bride concentrates on Solomon's traits and features, she loses herself and the delight of pleasing him.

And the most effective way a wife can prepare herself to love as magnificently as this is to abandon herself in the pursuit of God.

And there she'll find the power and the freedom to view her husband as a friend precious gift from God.

You know, it's significant that Solomon could describe his wife as having no spots or having no blemishes.

Even though she was not perfect in her physical body or spiritual soul, he was loving her and seeing her through eyes of grace.

Even as I referenced a moment ago, Solomon's love is a beautiful picture of the love of God that he has for each one of us as his dear children who redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, we're accepted in the beloved and how wonderful that is.

And listen, receiving God's love through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ enables us to love our spouse and see them with eyes of grace too.

And if you do not know this marvelous love we're talking about, we pray that you'll call upon the name of the Lord for salvation.

The Bible says In Romans chapter 10 and verse 9, if you will confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

Well, let me say we just enjoyed again sharing another session with you, and if you've been blessed by this journey through the song, please share it with others.

Until next time.

Until the next session.

May the grace and peace and protection of our heavenly Bridegroom be with you.

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