OUR HOSTS: 

Corinne Foxx - @corinnefoxx

Natalie McMillan - @nataliemcm and @shopnataliemcmillan 

What we're drinking: Mount Edward Ted Pinot Noir 2018 



TOPIC: 

Being single gets a bad rap, but it can truly be one of the happiest and most fulfilling times of your life. We dive into how to embrace being single when it feels like everyone around you is coupled up, why singlehood is an important season of your life, and we also share some science-backed ways to enjoy being solo! The real challenge in gaining any long-term contentment is to have a good, kind, and healthy relationship with yourself, and being single gives you an amazing opportunity to do so. Whether you’ve found your person or not, this episode contains great tips for becoming more comfortable on your own and reframes what it means to be single. 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Reasons why Millennials are getting married later in life 
• The importance of immersing yourself in meaningful activities and enjoying the moment
• Breaking negative thought cycles about being single 
• Why you should never change yourself to be ‘dateable’
• Strengthening other bonds in your life, like friends and family 
• Challenging the stigma around ‘third wheeling’
• Examples of how to date yourself 

RESOURCES MENTIONED: 

How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate by Jennifer Taitz  

Episode 35: From App to IRL: How to Get Off The Apps and On a Date

Episode 78: How To Fall In Love With Yourself  

END OF THE SHOW: 

Corinne and Natalie introduce Hottie of the Week: Charlize Theron 

WINE RATING:

Mount Edward Ted Pinot Noir 2018  = 3 / Charlize 

WRAP UP:

To wrap up the episode, Corinne and Natalie play Who’d You Rather? In honor of the new Top Gun movie, Corinne asks Nat to choose between Tom Cruise, Miles Teller, Glen Powell. Nat goes the teen heartthrob route and gives Corinne the option of Joe Jonas or Austin Butler. 

We have a newsletter for our Am I community. You can sign up for the newsletter on our website: amidoingthisrightpod.com

You can email us for episode ideas or Random Advice: amidoingthisrightpod@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @amidoingthisrightpod 

Don't forget to rate and review the podcast! It really helps us grow!

[00:00:05] Natalie McMillan: And I'm Natalie McMillan.

[00:00:17] Natalie McMillan: And each week we cover a new topic and we drink a new bottle of wine.

Yeah. But. Every time I am single or I was single. I loved it. It's such a fun time in your life. You're free. It's

[00:01:07] Corinne Foxx: You can do whatever you want. I'm living my life. Go wherever you want. You don't have to say anything you I'm telling

[00:01:15] Corinne Foxx: Venus. Well, same with Aquarius though. I will say my Venus is in Pisces. I believe that's so we're like a, let a romantic heart, but yeah.

Anyways point being is, I'm very excited for the episode. And at the end of the episode, we're playing who you rather who own brand for being single. Oh yeah. You know, you have your, your pick of

[00:01:42] Corinne Foxx: So now what are we drinking?

This single episode

[00:02:02] Corinne Foxx: Oh, it's like a woman with like a, her hair is like a nest of flowers and, or she is great.

She is a, she is a vine. She is a vine. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool. I like it. She seems like a single gal.

[00:02:30] Corinne Foxx: this is a wow.

A very on brand episode really did

[00:02:51] Corinne Foxx: died. I think he died. No. How do you know?

Okay, so wait, backstory.

[00:03:00] Corinne Foxx: this man is. At least at least. 85 mid to late eighties, if not 90 years old.

The, uh, ambulance came one day and this is when I looped Karen in, because I was like, oh my God, we have drama on my street. Yeah. We thought he was taken out. We thought, oh, some this is big drama. He came back. and he has, he was like there, he would sit on the steps of his house for.

Like I, and you couldn't tell if he was dead on the stoop. Exactly. Like he was just laying there and like, if I were you, I would've called the

She's like, I heard this huge crash and I looked out my window and he had fallen off the stoop because he fell asleep, sitting up. So it's just been like, oh my God, what is hap this man? Yeah. And then yesterday I came home and nobody's there. All the lights are off. I'm like,

She also wield his

[00:04:43] Corinne Foxx: I think, I don't know now the way that this guy has been holding on, I wouldn't be surprised if he's out in the stoop tomorrow and

I mean, he, he must be imor. .

[00:05:09] Natalie McMillan: be on the stoop. I might get home and he's on the stoop again. I wow. And if not, may he rest in peace? R I

Yes . Anyways, let's get into a morbid, let's get into how to embrace being single at all. Why we chose this episode?

[00:05:36] Corinne Foxx: we love when you guys write in and ask us, do do an episode. We love to

this

And I. We absolutely should do this. Yeah. There's so much information out there about dating and relationships, marriage. All of it, but there's not a ton of stuff about single life and what it all entails. Mm. And it also seems, you know, to have like a bad rap when really it can be one of the happiest and most fulfilling times in your life.

[00:06:10] Natalie McMillan: So according to the Washington post, just over half of 18 to 35 year olds. So if it's 51% to be exact, um, have no steady partner. Ooh. And while a 2008 study published in the European journal of social psychology found that other people often think singles are unhappy.

The happiest demographic. Actually be single childless women. Mm-hmm and that's according to Paul Dolan, he's a professor of behavioral science at the London school of economics. And he is an author of

I didn't have kids. I' so happy. I didn't like, they're always just like, my life is so much better. Yes. Same with like Jennifer Anderson, Tracy Elli Ross. They're just like, we're thriving over here. Yeah, we have, we don't. No men and no kids. They're like, we're really living our best life. Yeah. I mean,

No. So why do you think so many people are single? Or why

How old we are. Yes. No, it's it's ex exactly how old

[00:07:36] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. I'm so you're 28.44. So yeah, that's the median age for a woman's first marriage. Now, as opposed to 10 years earlier, the median age for a woman's first marriage was 26.6 years old. Wow. So two

[00:07:50] Corinne Foxx: In 10 years, 10 years.

So like when my mom was my age, it was. 22 or 24 years old, kind

[00:08:29] Corinne Foxx: women? For women. Yeah. I feel like that tracks. Yeah. Like I like a lot of, I don't have, I have one friend. I have two friends who are married. That's it. Me too.

The rest of my friends are all well they're they have partners, but they're not married. Yeah. Well also another reason that maybe specifically millennials are single is that they may be staying in education longer and focusing on their careers. For arriving to life events like home ownership and marriage.

In fact, single women are slightly more employed today, 77% compared to 74% of partnered women.

[00:09:08] Corinne Foxx: home moms. Yeah, no, I, I definitely think so. Could be. All in all pew research center says the increase in the number of single people isn't due to divorce or being widowed.

Aren't getting married. Yes. They're being more specific. Yeah, but it might not be that they haven't found the right person, but that singles aren't even looking for the right person. Mm-hmm also according to the pew research center, we love the

[00:09:51] Corinne Foxx: research center. Half of singles say they're not currently looking for a relationship or dates while about a quarter, say they are looking for either a committed, romantic relationship or casual dates in a smaller share.

Say they are only looking for committed romantic relationships or casual dates. So really most single people aren't even looking for somebody they're just out here. Yeah. They're booked and busy. Yeah. I kind of

[00:10:21] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. They're, they're not like actively actively, like, I need to find

[00:10:30] Corinne Foxx: dating. Yes. And she found one. She did. She did. So Natalie, what are some science backed ways we can embrace being single. We love science. We love

Love science, and we love an expert. So let's talk about this expert. She has a book called how to be single and happy. She's a clinical psychologist. Dr. Jennifer Tates and she shares some science backed hacks for living your life without stressing over your relationship status. She wrote her book after she had broken off an engagement and found herself feeling defeated about the dating scene.

Although it should be noted that she says she's now married to a guy that she is crazy about. Curra see about the first tip she says is to immerse yourself in meaningful activities and enjoy the moment. Research shows that happiness is more about how you spend your time than if you are in a relationship or not.

The fact of the matter is that you can be lonely or depressed and still be coupled up living a happy life is a combination of doing meaningful activities, having social support and practicing mindfulness. So that was a direct quote from her. For example, let's say you're at your favorite band's concert, but all you can think about is how.

Whoever you're into, like, didn't text you back. Yeah. You're like, you're taking yourself out of the moment and you're not enjoying it. So if you didn't have that aspect, you would otherwise be. loving your life. Yeah. You know, so yeah. Just do things that you love to do. Go places. You wanna go experiment with new hobbies, pick up old ones again, just do you,

Don't worry about anybody else. Yeah. I love that. Another science backed tip to embrace being single is to recognize that not all your thoughts are facts. And also just in general. Yeah. Breaking a negative thought cycle. Like I'm never gonna find love or. All the people worth dating are already taken.

That's a tough one to break. Yes. But Dr. Tate suggests that you remind yourself that not everything running through your head is based in reality. She also recommends affirmations, which we love love, even in affirmation. Even if you think they're kind of cheesy because they will help you break thought pattern.

So one of her favorite. When you're feeling hopeless and dating is I'm surrounded by cool single people. And today could be the day I meet someone. Amazing. Do you wanna wanna know something? Wow. I love that. Okay. So when we recently sounds like the beginning of a. Romcom. Ooh,

When we researched this episode, I was like, oh, I like that. And I've actually been like saying it to myself. And then when I open that, cuz sometimes, you know, I am part of this cycle of like, oh my God. Like the,

[00:13:21] Natalie McMillan: is, oh Jesus. But I think that now and I go into it and I'm like, well, let's

Well today, it could be the day I meet someone. Amazing. Yes, it really could be.

Now. Mm mm-hmm Dr. Tates also adds, this is a quote. I want to validate how incredibly challenging it is to be single. When you want to have a family while she doesn't pretend that being a single mom is easy. She says, if one of your. Big life goals is to be a parent. It is worth exploring the options for doing it solo, especially if you're in your late thirties or early forties.

And in her book, she discusses egg freezing adoption, and she also talks fostering with her. Yeah. With her clients.

Like, I'm doing this by myself. And obviously there are a lot of single moms who are not single moms by choice and, and it's just a difficult decision to make. Yeah. But it also, it. Option. It is an option and we wanna keep our options open. Yes. Another science back tip to embrace being single is to use your past, to inform and not sabotage your future.

Hmm. What should you do if painful experiences from the past, whether it be from romantic relationships or even platonic and familial ones are stopping you from trying again. First step is to try as hard as you can to stop thinking about that situation. And particularly the person I see this all the time, I feel like a lot of people have like a negative relationship and they have a lot of fear about getting in another one.

Yes. Which makes sense. It's like a happen again. It's very traumatic, you know? If it is a romantic relationship that left you burned. Dr. Tate says you absolutely have to unfollow them on social media. And you also have to make it a rule to stop talking about them with your friends.

[00:15:44] Corinne Foxx: your mind, they're in your Zeke Geist.

Yep. Avoid comparing the people you are dating to your. Or previous situation ship mm-hmm by doing so you were preventing yourself from actually moving on to someone better. She says, however, that you can take a moment and think about the aspects of them that you really liked and make sure that you seek that out in another.

Person as well. Mm-hmm but also think about things he didn't like. Yeah. Like I don't like that. Pro and con pro and con list. Yeah. Dr. Tates also wants to remind people that our memory plays tricks on us. We often remember the good parts and forget the bad. So next time you find yourself daydreaming about how things with so and so word, remind yourself that there is a reason the two of you are not together.

It is you do, when you look back on relationships, you play the highlight reel. Yeah. You know, you're like, oh, that was so nice. And then you forget about the time, like you just couldn't even be around them. You couldn't, you hated the way they chewed you hat all that. And you're like, oh yeah. Forgot about that.

There's sheer

If you desperately want your date to be your next boyfriend or girlfriend, you could be blinded to some OUS, red flags. Mm. Instead, focus on the now that way you can truly gauge if the person you're out with is right for you or not. Mm that's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point. there's also another tip that she shares.

And this one she says is a biggie and it is don't think you have to change yourself just to be dateable. She says there are so many dating books out there that tell you, you have to make over your appearance or personality. And that is not the path to happiness. The kinder you are to yourself, the happier you

I love that. I, I fully agree. Yeah. Yeah. You want someone to love you for you?

[00:18:03] Corinne Foxx: group? Yeah, I mean, I know, I feel like that can be a big stressor for a lot of people.

Mm-hmm so according to. ASA Bob, a sex dating and relationship coach. She says that being surrounded with friends who are at a different life stage to us can cause us to feel left behind and leave USS wondering why it hasn't happened for us yet, or if it ever will. So one way to cope with being the only single friend is to embrace being a third wheel.

And I know, I know it doesn't sound great, but yeah, it's like, mm. But being invited as a third wheel can actually be a compliment and serves as a great way to get to know your BFF's significant other a little bit better and hanging out with them alongside your pal can be a really great way to bond. And at the end of the day, Third wheel is a totally made up concept.

And shouldn't even dictate how you enjoy yourself with your friends, regardless of whether or not they're dating. And also it is a compliment. It's like, oh, like, do you wanna come on our like, yes, on our

It's sort of like, oh, it's so sad for them. They're single. This whole like third wheel concept is like, oh, that's so sad when it's like, that really is made up. It's like a made up thing. That's a whole made up thing. Another way we can embrace being the only single friend is to not settle as the only single friend in the group, the temptation to settle can be overwhelming.

However, you really don't need to settle just because you're the odd one out. Yeah. You don't need to feel

[00:19:40] Natalie McMillan: It's just. But if you are understandable. Yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm and we're also at this age where it's all over the map, it's all over the map. Yeah. A third way to embrace being the only single friend is to stop comparing yourself.

Nothing brings home the fact that you're very single, then tirelessly scrolling through your friend's engagement photos on social media. Social media can be the worst place when you're feeling a bit down about being single. So avoid it. If you're feeling sensitive, sometimes it can feel like. Everyone else has hit some sort of relationship shaped target that you can't even see the idea that other people have got it all figured out while you're being left behind can be very damaging.

We all have completely different timelines and life goals. So wherever you're at, it's just fine. Remember not to compare yourself to other people as you navigate your way through single.

Everyone's doing everything later anyways. And so it's just like, there is no timeline. There is no, it's all fake. It's all

[00:20:55] Corinne Foxx: Like who's dictating all this, the government trying to sell us things, honestly.

[00:21:09] Corinne Foxx: Yes. Well, I, first of all, I just love singlehood mm-hmm um, and I just wanna mention here that if you're single and you really wanna feel great about it, one of my favorite movies of all time is how to be single. It really is. She does love that movie. Wait, Dakota Johnson. It is amazing. It's

And right.

Yeah,

[00:21:37] Natalie McMillan: fun. Anyways. I watched that with you in New York. I remember that.

Oh my God. It's loved

[00:22:06] Natalie McMillan: I mean, we've been together longer than most. Yeah. We've been together a long

[00:22:11] Natalie McMillan: time. This is a long term, long relationship, which we've been long distance. We've been long distance. I mean, listen, we, we travel well together. It's a whole thing. Another reason that it's. Super special. As you get to date yourself, many people get hung up on not getting flowers, dinners, candy, jewelry, spa trips, or whatever other romantic gifts spontaneously, you know, are given to you.

Yeah. Or especially on holidays. I think people feel alone. The thing is you can treat yourself to those items or experiences regularly. We mentioned in our, how to fall in love with yourself episode, but you can literally go on dates with yourself, like a real ass date. Yes. Take yourself to dinner in a movie.

Karen loves on a show.

[00:22:59] Natalie McMillan: booking a solo travel trip. Also won of

Yeah. So I just loving alone. Yes,

Self, the third reason that this is a special time is that you commit to yourself. The one person you can always count on to be there for you is you. That's why it's important to make a bunch of commitments to yourself, to be gentle with yourself, to look after yourself and to be grateful for all the great things in your life.

We're regularly told that finding a partner will make us happy, but the real challenge. In gaining any long term contentment is to have a good kind and healthy relationship with yourself. Yes. This is also a great time to focus on your health, whether it be mental or physical, the time alone gives you the opportunity to get a game plan together for yourself.

So you can feel your best. In fact research. That unmarried people tend to be healthier than their married counterparts. Mm. People who were single and had never been married exercise more frequently every week than married people. And this was in a survey of over 13,000 individuals. Oh, wow. Yeah.

[00:24:38] Natalie McMillan: everything.

Person was back then. Mm-hmm maybe your last partner hated running and you always wanted to try a marathon or perhaps you dreamt of traveling to Hawaii, but you were waiting for a partner to share those romantic massagers on the beach with instead embrace your own independence. Being single means you get to be with you and learn who you are at your core.

You get to like really explore yourself. And then also that just makes you a. Interesting and well, rounded person to date when you decide you want to yes. If you

and I don't think I could have done that as deeply. Yeah. If I was in like a long term relationship.

I just feel like it's it is giving coastal grandma. My

[00:26:10] Corinne Foxx: okay. Now, so let's circle back on the wine that we're drinking. What, when is this?

She's from South Africa. Oh, she's from South Africa. Yes, actually, I had this, this sounds really weird, but this is a normal thing that happens in Napa. You'll have people that come just for harvest and they stay in your house. Like they pay you rent and she stayed in your house. Oh, absolutely not that would've been cool.

no, she's not a farmer. Oh. But the guy that came was from South Africa. So he would like make south African food. And he also said, you always need to say South Africa.

[00:26:55] Natalie McMillan: That's what he said. Okay. So yeah, our hot. From South Africa and it is, I never know if it's Charlie's or Char's.

[00:27:04] Natalie McMillan: Char's Theron, Theron, their.

[00:27:14] Natalie McMillan: Whenever I say okay. If I just say it after Charlie's Theon. Oh, I say Charlie's Theon. That can't be pronounce.

Here it is. Oh, there's a, there's a, okay, here we go. I'm gonna play this for you guys. Chars, Theon, chars, Theon.

[00:27:35] Corinne Foxx: I got her first. Name, right. But I said Theran it's Theen it's Char's Faren. I think I got Faren. Right? You got Faren, right? You said char, this is why we're a good team.

See her long

[00:27:53] Corinne Foxx: that Google has a woman that says her name when you Google.

[00:28:01] Corinne Foxx: Okay. One to Charlene the.

[00:28:08] Corinne Foxx: Don't I don't like it. I'm gonna give it a three. Yeah. I'll give

[00:28:27] Corinne Foxx: All right. This is the part of the gate. Part part of the game. This is part the show where we play a little wrap up game and this week we're playing. Who would you rather, who would you rather, I feel

[00:28:38] Corinne Foxx: Yes. I also feel like we have the same one, but it's fine.

[00:28:42] Corinne Foxx: There's no way. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Cool. Okay. You go first. Well, we, we have just recently seen top gun. Oh

[00:28:53] Corinne Foxx: all hot. I know. Okay. So, and this is all of them. In top gun. It's not in real life. Okay. Who'd you rather Tom cruise? in top gun. Oh, miles tell, oh God damnit Glen Powell.

And it's, it's not only have one and it's not. Fuck Mary kill. It's who'd you rather Jesus. And I will say. I said it once. I'll say it again. The, the spray Tanner on that movie needs an Oscar. They do need an Oscar. Everyone looked fantastic. Oh my God. They, and they were like almost a little bit too orangey, but it still worked.

They were

[00:29:44] Corinne Foxx: not the one. Okay. He's out. He's out of the running.

Oh

Okay. Okay. Okay. Whoa, because this is only in the movie

[00:30:14] Natalie McMillan: Okay. Because in real life, I believe it would be baby daddy, Glen Powell. Mm-hmm but. Movie version, I'm going miles teller

I know. Yeah.

[00:30:32] Corinne Foxx: Yes. I, I totally get it. Yeah, I totally

[00:30:38] Corinne Foxx: Asshole. He's an asshole. Yeah. So, yeah. That's true. Yeah. If we're talking in the movie

[00:30:47] Corinne Foxx: I think that's a very fair, I think that's the right choice for you. That was

Mm-hmm . That was one of your crushes mm-hmm and today it's Austin Butler. Okay. Yeah. I feel like it's been on the top of everybody. Everybody's feeling Austin Butler. Okay. So it's who' you rather mm-hmm Joe Jonas. Austin Butler.

You know what I mean? Yes, I get it. And I'm like, this has been a dream. It's an opportunity, obviously, we're, we're talking about a single version of Joe Jonas because he's married, but I think a child and one on the way I believe so. Not born already. Yes. So we're gonna take that off the table. Single Joe Jonas or Austin Butler.

Now here's the thing I've never been into blondes ever. I love a brunette. I love tall, dark handsome, Joe, Jonas. Very much. My, my tight,

[00:31:56] Corinne Foxx: handsome. Oh yeah. He, well, yeah, he's a short king. He's a short king for sure. But there's something about Austin Butler right now with a little swag. He's got, I feel like I gotta go Austin Butler.

I feel like I have, so this is interesting. So I would never said that. Six months ago. Oh my

[00:32:25] Corinne Foxx: think though, and I'm wondering if this is what it is because Austin Butler similarly has some type of spray tan going on.

Oh, he does. Yes, he does. And Glen Powell. And I wonder if we're actually attract the spray tan

[00:32:42] Corinne Foxx: look very healthy. Like I'm just thinking of like this part of their chest. Their muscles looks very, it just looks sun kissed. Yes. And I think, I think that might be part of this mix that I, I think I love a sun, a sun kissed man.

Hey,

[00:32:59] Corinne Foxx: at it. I'm not mad about it. So I apologize to 14 year old. Me who would've died if I ever said anything else, but Joe Jonas. Yeah, but this is just, this is a sign of the times guys.

[00:33:10] Corinne Foxx: All right, you guys, that is who'd you rather, and if you guys like this episode, we have other similar episodes.

We have episode 78, which is how to fall in love with yourself. And also episode 35, which is from app to IRL, how to get off the apps. on a date. That was a great episode. That's a great episode.

times.

But episode 35 from 35 from app to IRL, there's a lot of good facts in there. If you guys are really frustrated about like dating apps and like, you can just like, I just wanna be on a date already. Go check out that episode. Cause it's a really good one.

[00:33:48] Corinne Foxx: review the pod. Yes. We love reading your rate in reviews and we love hearing from you guys always, and we'll be back next week with another episode, our hundredth episode.

Oh my God.