In today’s episode, Laura sits down with Megan Carnarius—an RN, licensed massage therapist, and nursing home administrator who has spent over three decades revolutionizing the way we care for those with memory impairment. Together, they dive into the "human spirit underneath the disease," exploring how caregivers can shift from a mindset of endless loss to one of soulful connection. This conversation is a heart-opening reminder that even when memory fades, the essence of the person remains whole.

Meet Megan Carnarius, RN, NHA, LMT:

Megan Carnarius is a pioneer in the field of memory care. Her journey began with a childhood inspired by a sister with special needs and a family physician who practiced holistic medicine. After opening the first memory care unit in Boulder County in 1989, Megan has spent her career designing therapeutic programs that prioritize the soul. She is the author of A Deeper Perspective on Alzheimer's and Other Dementias, a book that provides practical tools alongside deep spiritual insights. Today, she runs Memory Care Consulting, helping families navigate the dementia journey with clarity and heart.

Topics Discussed:

1. The "Underdog" Inspiration: How Megan’s childhood shaped her advocacy for those who aren’t fully understood.
2. The Therapeutic Agent: Understanding that your presence and essence are the most powerful tools in caregiving.
3. The Spousal vs. Family Dynamic: Breaking down the unique challenges spouses face versus adult children and friends.
4. Reframing "Challenge" as "Opportunity": How sharing the care of a loved one can actually enrich their world and yours.
5. The Guru in the Living Room: How your loved one acts as a teacher for presence, mindfulness, and character.
6. Healing the Past: Powerful stories of how dementia can actually allow long-held traumas or fractured relationships to heal before the end of life.
7. Validation over Medication: Addressing "challenging behaviors" by uncovering the deep emotional needs or memories behind them.
8. The Eternal Essence: A look at the soul as a whole, healthy self experiencing a "handicapping" physical condition.

Timestamps (Approximate):

1. 00:00 – Welcome and Laura’s introduction to Megan Carnarius.
2. 15:40 – Beyond the pill: Using non-medical therapies like aromatherapy and foot baths.
3. 22:10 – The importance of therapeutic design in memory care.
4. 28:50 – "Sandpaper Learning": Finding blessings in the midst of grief.
5. 55:00 – The Spousal Struggle: Adapting to new roles and the "phone call" example.
6. 01:02:00 – Learning from the "Guru": How caregiving provides a master's degree in character.
7. 01:08:00 – The Healing Power of Disinhibition: A story of a 45-year-old trauma resolved.
8. 01:15:00 – From "Mean" to "Loving": A son’s journey to reconciling with his father through dementia.
9. 01:22:00 – How to connect with Megan and her educational resources.

Key Takeaways:

1. You Are the Therapy: Your calm presence can regulate a loved one’s nervous system more effectively than a task-oriented approach.
2. The Soul is Whole: Even when a diagnosis creates a "handicapping experience," the spiritual essence of your loved one remains healthy and intact.
3. Look for the "Why": Behaviors like yelling or aggression are often attempts to communicate a stored memory or an unmet emotional need from the past.
4. Dementia as a Final Contribution: This journey can be an opportunity for a loved one to give their final gifts of teaching us patience, presence, and unconditional love.
5. Healing is Possible: Because the "filters" of the brain drop away, dementia can sometimes create a unique window for healing lifelong traumas or family estrangements.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Book: A Deeper Perspective on Alzheimer's and Other Dementias: Practical Tools with Spiritual Insights by Megan Carnarius (Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Audible).
2. The Camp Hill Communities: An international network focused on community-living for those with special needs.

Connect with Megan Carnarius:

1. Website: memorycareconsulting.com
2. Consultations: Available via phone or Zoom through her website.

Connect with Laura Vaillancourt & the Life on Repeat Podcast:

1. Website: lifeonrepeatpodcast.com
2. Instagram: @lifeonrepeat.podcast
3. Facebook: Life on Repeat Podcast
4. YouTube: Life on Repeat YouTube Channel