This conversation transcends the walls between family and educational life and will move you to look at your children, family, and self in a different, more loving, and accepting way.  Dana is truly a gem of wisdom when it comes to illuminating the should’s vs. the is’s and finding the beauty in them.  Listen and share this unique discussion on the importance of emotional intelligence in our educational mindset. 

About the Guest: 

Dana is an award-winning Early Childhood and Gifted Educator and Social-Emotional Intelligence expert, pioneering DEIAB in action from the womb throughout life’s journey. From preparing parents how to reframe their inner dialogue while pregnant to facilitating and planning all critical assessments in early academic years, to richly interactive professional development for children and adults, my expertise invites me into all areas.

Dana leads through the lens of curiosity, providing a safe and accessible space for all to gather. With intentional wonder, Dana organically propels learners and families with highly effective communication skills for critical and possibly uncomfortable conversations. Through 1:1 private sessions, parent and youth workshops, professional development, and speaking engagements, Dana’s niche approach to coaching and facilitating unleashes vulnerability, invites self-acceptance, increases confidence, and fosters self-compassion.

About the Host: 

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.  

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.  

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world. 

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )  

LINKS:

6570 Family Challenge- https://www.nellieharden.com/challenge

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/    

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

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Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the

tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

the real challenges and raising kids today how to show up as

parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

family and individuals of the world. My name is Nellie Hardin,

big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

porch mama who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

and leadership that elevates the family experience and sets the

kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

family project. Let's go welcome back to another episode of the

6570 family project podcast you guys. Wow Have I got a treat for

you today. Deena Kaplan. This interview that I am about to

share with you was so moving and captivating to me bringing

emotional intelligence into the educational mindset and space of

our families and our children. Dana is an award winning early

childhood and gifted educator and social emotional

intelligence expert, pioneering the D Ay ay ay b in action from

the womb throughout life's journey from preparing parents

how to reframe their inner dialogue, even while pregnant,

to facilitating and planning all critical assessments in those

early academic years. Richly interactive professional

development for children and adults. And it really the her

work goes into all areas she leads through the lens of

curiosity, providing a safe and accessible space for all

together with intentional wonder love that Dana organically

propels learners and families with highly effective

communication skills for critical and possibly

uncomfortable conversations. How many of those do we have to have

as parents just had three of them yesterday, right, we have

to and one this morning, we always have to have those and we

need the skills to do that. She works in facilitating and

unleashing vulnerability, inviting self acceptance,

increasing confidence and fostering self compassion. This

conversation is going to be one of those small pivots that you

actually have in life. I know it was for me, I can't wait for you

to listen to it. Let's go ahead and get started. Okay, you guys,

I'm so excited, as you have heard all of the amazing things

about our speaker today. And she is coming to us, Dina Kaplan,

I'm so excited to have you here first and foremost,

at so much for having me, I love when we can

find communities that want to thrive together. And so thank

you for creating one. Oh, thank

you. Um, so I want to just jump into it today,

because I owe you guys. Even before we pressed record today,

we have been talking and chatting. And we're like, oh, we

should actually record something here. So much gold and so great.

What we're going back and forth with and so I want to jump into

it because we have a lot to cover today. And tell me a

little bit i You're obviously an educational and emotional

intelligence leader to families, to communities, and I want to

know how that all came to be and where did that come from in your

life.

So I I've always been a trailblazer in everything that

I've done, I've never fit into a box. And for many times in my

life, I thought there was something quote unquote wrong

with me because I was thinking so far ahead of the game, but

like not able sometimes to put words to it, to put like the

language around it. So when I am from the Deep South, and I have

recently been seeing the impact of keeping quiet about things

that happen in your life. And so I over the past couple of years,

have really especially during the pandemic and especially

around the reality that we have to be open and vulnerable and

honest with people about our own journeys in order for them to

know they're not alone. So I started telling people about my

childhood and I am from the Deep South. I'm from Columbus,

Georgia, and I am Jewish. And I'm white. And so, you know, you

see the white privilege, but you don't know, unless you ask me

what happened. And I experienced a lot of anti semitism and

racism and bigotry, and it was very hurtful. And, and I had no

one to talk to about it. I didn't even know how to talk

about it. And I felt like school needed to do more for me. And I

felt like school needed to be a safer place for me and I also

in the meantime, so here it is, I'm dealing with these

emotional, like, uncomfortable, like scenarios that I don't even

know what to do about. Right. So

that's on the one hand, and then on the other hand, my learning,

I learned differently, but we didn't know that right? We I was

never tested, there was nothing going on. But you know, in a

traditional setting, I am the teacher, I tell you what you

have to do. I tell you how you learn, go for it. But that's not

real. That's not reality. And so as an educator, I decided to

become an educator, because I wanted to change things I want

to not that it was broken. It's what we knew. But I wanted to

come in and see what would happen if we did something

different. Because everyone's trying to consistently come in

and fix. There's nothing to fix. We don't even know what to fix.

We don't even know what it is until we stop and look at and

ask questions. And we're not asking questions. So let me just

come in. But what I did though, was because I was so curious

about my own learning is so curious about my own emotional

awareness that I realized that it is the foundation for

everything and everyone that I work with. So when I went into

education, and kindergarten is my heart and soul and I, I

taught kindergarten, okay, and then I've also taught all the

way up to postgraduate students. Everything I do starts with

emotional intelligence. It starts with who am I? What do I

think about myself? How do I feel about myself? What do I see

in myself, right, and there's so many components, essential

ingredients, to actually learning about who you are. And

that self awareness is what propels you in your learning,

which propels you and your socialization. It propels you,

in all spaces of places and schools. We're not doing that

beforehand. And so when I went into my first year of teaching,

it was all about building a community, it was holding a

space where everyone felt like they belonged. And I'm using

words that are now catchphrases, belonging, accessing, included,

right, and here it is, now we have an actual acronym for it.

But it 23 I'm coming in saying, using these words, in already

knowing how important they were. And now, fast forward 20 years

into teaching, and now we are still missing the mark. Because

now we have to have an actual acronym for it, we actually have

to have programs for what's still not happening and the

programs that are being followed. So for me to go into

education, it was bigger than what I ever imagined. And it was

more about the child's development of the child

thriving and removing labels and limits from children, then than

anything. And what I discovered is that I went from being what I

thought, a class, a lifelong classroom teacher to a retired

classroom teacher and a lifelong educator in the world. Because

ultimately, we have to create a space for kids to be able to

feel like they can access material, access spaces, feel

included, feel like there's an equity going on, where they can

use their voice and ask for what they need for that rich sense of

belonging, because we live in a very diverse world. But that's

not going to do anything for us if you don't know how to get

into the game. So that that's where I am today and the

passions and the purpose behind my work.

Wow. Now, your own family that you that you

have, how has that I'm just so curious, because I know in my

own journey, as I have gone from, you know, where I was,

and, you know, science and studying whales, you know, where

I was then and then where I went, and then I've been

studying human humans. Well, I studied them before, but really

working with humanity in in families, especially for the

last 1015 years. And when in my own family and our own home.

It's just been this evolution of things like I don't recognize

the mother that I was to my two year old as the mother than I am

to my 16 year old today, you know, and it's just so so funny

to see that. Ironic I guess is a better is a better word there

but how has all of this really shaped your experience, how has

it shaped your family experience?

It is actually been I love that question. So thank

you. It's been really interesting. So my parents. So

what you see is an award winning educator that made massive

impact in Atlanta, Georgia, and then made NASA back to New York

City. But that classroom teacher was only talking about feeling

anxious at times, or having testing xiety, or, you know,

talking about my learning, I wasn't actually talking about my

emotional state that I was in as a child, right. I did talk about

my learning as a child, but I didn't talk about how I actually

felt about myself. And so since leaving the classroom, since

really diving deep into the work that I know that I'm here for,

it has been an interesting conversation around that, right.

I mean, I did a podcast the other day, and my mom texted me

and she goes, really good job. I just really hope you don't think

we look at you as a misfit. And I'm like, maybe you do, maybe

you don't. It's not about how you look at me. It's how I feel.

And so we had this whole conversation about it

afterwards. And I'm excited for her to hear this podcast as

well. Because, you know, the more we can have conversations,

whether or not they're easy, whether or not they're

comfortable, whether or not they're vulnerable, whether or

not they're cut and dry. It is so critical to ask questions and

to be curious, because I know my mom does not want me to feel

like I don't belong. But at the same time, that's not her job

anymore. It's not my job to make sure I feel like I've lost How

am I feeling in my body? Am I doing what drives my passion? Am

I doing what I love. And because I didn't have those kinds of

conversations with other people with certain people in my life

growing up, they're now hearing about it now. And then the more

we actually are open to having the conversations, to diving

into the spaces that were scary for us, the richer our

connections can be. The rich connection is that my

relationship with my parents has grown Excellent. Like siblings,

tonight, it's exponential, like the, they used to think that I

was just this whimsical person coming up with all these ideas

and floating around and taking kids on field trips and doing

you know, rapid fire all these like things, but I helped my

older brother during the COVID with his kids, and they saw me

in action working and they're like, oh my god, now we gotta

have a structure in place. You do the structure, we follow what

you say, the world changes. And it's not that I have a magic

wand, it's that we are so quick to bypass the emotional state,

we're so quick to bypass the critical piece of our life to

get to the end shiny object, that the shiny objects means

nothing, right. And so that is the impact. And I am grateful

every day, because I get to actually show up and be my

authentic self. And I don't apologize for it anyway.

So powerful to not have to apologize for that

or not feel like you are holding back anything that you're having

there. And I also love which is a great transition, you said

it's not my mom's job anymore to help myself feel belonging,

which means also at some point it was right it was our parents

job at some point to help us feel like we had a safe place to

go. We had a place that we belonged. And then there's this

transition this this childhood to adulthood phase and when I'm

working with families in the 6570 those 6570 days that were

that your child is at home around you know, we don't kick

them out on you know, the day after but you know, it is during

that time that we are handing them over and so what I find so

critical is that there is that transfer of power if you will

power over yourself. And if you don't teach them how to do it at

home, then on you know that next day when they're out of the

house, they're gonna be like, well, this is mom's job to make

me feel belonging and Mom and Dad Mom and Dad aren't here. And

so therefore I don't feel belonging therefore I am lost

and everything and I I find that so interesting because a lot of

people are are a lot of families today and I think we're kind of

indoctrinated into this like you are there everything until you

they leave. But then there's no teaching there. There's no

teaching of how they can live independently on their own and

be in charge of that emotional side of themselves. And I 100%

agree that your emotional state, your emotional intellect of

yourself, and also those around you, and what is what is

happening around you, is so much more important than the A on the

test or the you know, I don't know, football trophy, or

whatever that is. And you'll get there and in such a better way,

if you have these precursors here. So, okay, so let's break

into this a little bit. We were, we were chatting a little bit

about homeschooling before, as many of our listeners know, I

homeschool three of my kids still I homeschooled all four of

them for four years. And then I've homeschooled three of them

for the last three years. Two and a half, I guess. And so with

COVID happening and all of us i When COVID started going down

March 13 2020, the world shut down. And then my email box,

what are in my my text and all my DMs were flooded, because

they knew that people knew that I homeschooled already. And they

were like, What in the world do I do? Right? But it was so

interesting to me, because what I wanted to do was teach people

how to teach their kids. But most of the questions I was

getting were what curriculum should I use? What computer do I

need, right? It was all the logistics. And that lasted not

just a week or two weeks that lasted for like a year after

that. And so even a year end people were still asking

logistics like let me just check the box. Instead of Wait, how do

I actually have success in doing this. So I would just love to

know kind of your perspective and your thoughts on all of this

with helping our kids with emotional intelligence, in

education inside outside of homeschooling, and therefore

take it away.

So you know, I think it's really important that we

talk about homeschooling. So just a little background on me.

Speaking of March 13 2020, I had actually, so I launched

developing empathetic education with Dana, it stands for deed,

because I believe we're always doing deeds in the world. And I

launched it and I was supposed to have my first in person

workshop that following Tuesday, so the world shuts down on the

13th. And my workshops will start on Tuesday. So and to give

you a little bit of background when I was in the classroom, I

believed that we learn in every facet of the world. So it's,

it's in parts, it's in museums, and you know, in coliseums it is

in the the the big orchestra play room. Like it's just it's

everywhere we learn everywhere. Yes. And if we keep kids in a

box, then they will be too scared to get out of that box.

Yeah, so my whole philosophy on teaching is really truly what

the homeschooling premise is supposed to be. So let me just

stop there. That is why I love the homeschooling philosophy

because it's about real world experiences. Ie my once my kids

understood how to make Base 10 in kindergarten, we would then

start going to the grocery store and buying snacks because I

wanted them to start understanding Well 10 is really

a dime two nickels is 10 five pennies and a five right you're

working with real tangible experiences so kids can

understand the real life benefit behind it. Which is again what

homeschooling is supposed to be COVID hits everything takes a

turn I'm now this whole vision that I have is not going to go

online I've taught online before through facetime when I'm in

town or out of town or what have you and so this is nothing new

for me. Zoom was made for me and leading workshops wasn't for me,

building relationships and connections is my gift is my

gift. So this was not a strain on me. What was very interesting

though, was how quick the idea of oh my god, I have to

homeschool my parent my kids now and actually and I it was almost

a 40 and slip when I said parents because the parents were

also having to school themselves on Oh my god. What am I supposed

to do now? Right? So here it is. The world is trying to figure

out this online system. We have so much uncertainty going on in

the world. If you buy something else another curriculum another

MacBook another fill in the blank. At least I have the

materials right like so I understand why everyone was

asking you all the logistics behind it. What the core problem

though was, it's not about having more materials. And it's

not about having the latest technology, it's about really

understanding your child as a learner. And that has been the

most critical conversation that I've had with every single

person that I've ever supported, partnered with in the

homeschooling industry. And similar to what we were talking

about earlier, if you're, if you don't know, your child is the

whole being, and you only see your child as the academic, or

the emotional state, or the, you know, like it just various

compartments, and I'm not putting a label or limit on it,

I'm actually just stating, if I only know my child in the

academic arena, and I know they really, they picked up reading

really early on, they understand numbers really early, that's

amazing. But hold on a second, I'm going to keep nourishing

that area that I know they're so unbelievably strong in, which

means their deficits are serious deficits, their emotional well

being their social welfare being their ability to regulate their

awareness of their self, none of that is worked on. So now you

have this robotic human coming in arriving intellectually. And

I'm going to use the word failure intentionally because if

you don't try, you fail. So you are failing, because you're not

even trying to do anything in the areas that need to be fed.

So that is the problem that I see with a homeschooling

scenario. They have to be emotionally fed, they have to be

socially fed, they have to be intellectually fed, they have to

be physically fed, like they have. And when I say physically,

but it's not just the food is they have to be running around

and moving their body. It's a holistic approach to learning.

And that is the piece that we have to remember, because

homeschooling is not about another curriculum.

It's about Hold on a second. My child is struggling holding a

pencil. Am I paying attention to that? Am I paying attention to

the fact that my child is struggling holding a pencil? Am

I asking someone to help me? Am I seeking out supports for my

child? am I seeking out support to myself so I can help my

child? Or am I saying, Here's a crayon, it's thicker, just use

that. Here's a marker, use that instead, or just confused a

computer, or just type, you're just not talking to a recorder,

you don't need to type out your essay, you don't need to write

your essay, where are we putting band aids? Instead of

supporting? Where are we digging into the realities of what's

really needed? Are we really scared to do the work? In order

to make sure our kids decide? Are we doing what's easier for

us? Because now I'm validated my my kids thriving, quote,

unquote, my kids behaving quote, unquote. So my kids thriving,

and everyone is validated. But at the end of the day, there's

no validation. Because can your kid go outside and be

independent, and your child go introduce themselves to a new

person on the playground? Or even just go play with someone

on the playground that they don't know? Can your child go in

to a college interview and talk about their passions and

purpose? Without you sitting next to them? Can your child

actually go off to college and not make all A's because they

are committed to doing the uncomfortable, which means going

to a party, or going to lunch with a friend or going to a club

meeting that they've always been curious about, but have never

had the opportunity to explore. And that's when you know whether

or not we're thriving. But until we're doing all of those

different components for kids, we have to be really

conscientious about it. And I also want to be very clear on

this. This has to happen in real schools to real school, meaning

the four walls of a building where you go and take your kid

to school. I have an educator, multiple educators they're being

assessed and aware of and all the things it's not your child's

getting an aid so the teachers doing a great job. It's okay,

your child's getting an A what, what else do I need to do for

your child? Your child's already gotten them a they've mastered

this subject. Great. What else do I need to do to help and

stretch and expand? And I will speak to this intentionally

because before we were talking and you're talking about your

daughter, how she was going to a gifted and talented school that

you guys had to pay for. I started one of the most coveted

gifted and talented programs in New York City on my own not

having a curriculum not knowing what I was jumping into. I even

was certified and gifted and talented because I was curious

about it. And that is the word I want to give to all of you guys.

You have to be curious. You have to Live curiously, in order to

discover, and store in order to release the judgments on your

expectations of what's supposed to happen, and get curious about

what is happening. That's amazing that your daughter's

reading it for? Well, let's get curious about what else we need

to do for her. So she can holistically Thrive it for not

just so you can go and tell your friends that she's reading for,

let's look at your 18 year old and congratulate them and

celebrate them that they got through. They're now going off

to college, that they're willing to take rapid test every single

day so they can walk into a classroom. How are they

emotionally feeling right now? Did you encourage them to take a

mental health day and just go sit in the sun under a tree and

made a buck of their own choice instead of running off to join

another committee for the resume. So we have to really

look at everything, instead of just making these prescribed

scenarios for ourselves. And so that's really what it comes down

to the emotional intelligence, the self awareness, it starts

with the parent. And it starts with how much my overscheduling

my kid? How much am I doing to make sure that I check off my

own boxes as a parent? How much am I really stepping back, and

allowing my child to live their authentic journey for

themselves? And these are questions parents are scared to

ask.

Very, very. And I feel like too, it's so it's part

of the the paradigm of parenting is that we were raised in a

different era with different ideals of what parenting was

then today. I mean, and this has been going on since parenting

began, right. And so I think about, you know, me, I grew up

in the 80s. And it was very different than in the 80s. Huge

because it was pre internet, right? And pre social media. If

you wanted some more, you know, someone you had to call the home

phone in order to have a conversation with your voice,

right? And then it is just so much different today and helping

them so helping parents learn alongside their children as

they're learning. That's what takes so much vulnerability to

right. Yes, yes, yes. And human connection is human connection,

whether it is you know, through a text or through a phone call

or face to face. And so no matter what your kid is going

through, you have a story, you have something in your past that

you can bring to light and just be like, I can understand this

feeling that you're having and really step into that right not

sympathy, but empathy, really step into that with them, and go

through it, go through it with them, and it will help you more

understand too. So

really important that you share that because I think,

um, I use Halloween as the easiest frame of reference. I

actually truly don't like Halloween, and it's not about

the costumes. It's about the masks, masks and and paint on

the face. It's it just scares me. It's like, what's behind

there? Why are you too scared to show me what's happening? And

that is me being an empath. That is me feeling the world so

deeply. And that's also me knowing my work and my passion

and myself. So originally, all that being said, it's easy for

me to share this point. Referencing Halloween. We love

Halloween. Why? Because we get to put on a costume and be

someone else. Yeah. Why? Because we get to hide an armor up and a

whole new way and a whole new suit. And we don't have to be

the person that you see on regular. The more that we can

take off the costumes, the more we can disarm and let our

emotions flow and show our kids that we feel emotion, anger,

rage, joy, sadness, empathy, compassion, the more the

children will to so that when they get to the boardroom,

they're not having to learn all the skills that they needed to

learn in the playroom. Yes, and that is the disconnect. The

connection with your child is the most essential connection

you can ever have. When we think about a baby in the womb, how is

it thriving with the umbilical cord? It is the bridge. When the

baby comes into the world, the bridge is cut physically cut it

is now our emotional commitment, social commitment to keep that

bridge intact. And one of my favorite invitations that

parents asked me to help live, or having the uncomfortable

conversations, how do I get back to my child? How do I really

understand what they're going through right now? And we don't

get to use the pandemic as an excuse? Because if not a people

that went from oh my god, this is so scary. I hate my life,

too. It's actually really nice not to be so overscheduled to

over scheduling again. Yeah, the amount of conversations that

I've had to have from September of 2021. Until December 31 of

2021. About stop over scheduling your kids. Yeah. Why do you

think they're having breakdowns again? Why do you think you're

discovering that they're drinking more in high school?

Why do you think your daughter came home and told you that her

best friend started smoking pot in ninth grade on a regular

basis? We've got to really get back down to brass tacks. What

are we doing to feed the anxiety? And it's over

scheduling. It's not having the conversations. And it's the

pressurizing that we're consistently going and going and

going and going. And that is the one lesson the pandemic was

intended to teach us. It was intended to teach us not to

socially distance, not to social distance, it was taught to teach

us to physically distance ourselves from other people, and

socially gather, socially, come back together through zoom,

speaking of technology, through zoom through FaceTime, through

texting, through any modality that you possibly can have. So

you can build that rich connection. Because without the

connection, why are we even here? What is our purpose? And

that has has to be remembered.

Know? Exactly, exactly. And you, you touched on

a couple of things in there. But before we close out today, I

really want to dive in on the whole new labels thing. Because

I feel like this is so so so huge, and it weighs so much on

my heart that every kid today I feel like feels that they have

to have a label, which is so weird, because you're reading

out there. Don't label me don't label me by the way, um, this

label, what label are you? And it's like, what? What do you

mean?

I love this conversation. I actually I had

this conversation with so many so many. And it's probably one

of my favorites. Yeah. Here's a funny story for you. So yes, I'm

hyper. Yes, I'm relate to a lot of things. Yes, my mind can

drift off. Those are interesting, if you want to look

at it and start making a list. Okay. So here it is, why am I

thriving as a kindergarten teacher, because I'm with

kindergarteners that have a little bit less energy than me.

So I am writing, we are going on anywhere from 60 to 80 field

trips a year. We're running around New York City, we're

running around wherever we're going. I'm getting back to

school at 239 school into 240. The kids are exhausted, but I

don't pay I'm still like running around. I am there my quote

unquote medicine. I did not find out I was not actually diagnosed

with ADHD until three weeks before I left the classroom in

2018 in June. Okay, so how comical is this? So I'm going I

went to go and have a medicine check. Because I do have anxiety

and my therapist is like, and I was dealing with severe IBS. And

she's like, I want you to go and just make sure everything is is

copacetic. And we're really taking care of all we're

checking in all arenas, going back to self awareness. Don't

just put a bandaid on, don't just slap it on with medicine

and think you're okay, you've got to really stay on top of

every aspect of your human self to make sure you're thriving. So

I go in, and I have this conversation with a

psychiatrist. And he's like, tell me about your learning. And

within three minutes, he's like, You are so classic ADHD, and

like, seriously, stick another posted on me. It's totally cool.

I am not enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not this and he's

like, no, no, I'm being serious with you. And I was like, wait,

what? I was like, I always tell people I have ADHD. He's like,

I'm not kidding with you. I was like, Ah, well, whatever. It's

my superpower. I can do so many things with it. Right? So this

whole time. I had never been on meds. I never done anything for

ADHD. Now I do take medicine for ADHD. And it is monitored

intentionally ADHD. I have ADHD. ADHD does not have me. I know

that it is my superpower. Because I if you literally, I

have like a zillion markers, I have 15 colors posted around me,

my planner is so strategic. No one else would ever understand

describing my desk right now.

No one would ever understand it. Why? Because I

had to teach myself coping mechanisms. So what do I do now

for kids, I teach them about their executive functioning

button at the frontal cortex of their brain, and how they can

help themselves. So when we look at labels and limits, it's, I

need to have a diagnosis. So I know how I need to learn. I need

a diagnosis. So I know I can thrive, you're not going to tell

a diabetic not to go in and find out that they have diabetes and

just keep giving them sugar. Right, you're not going to go

and give a nonverbal autistic child, you're not going to take

them to the park and leave them on their own. Right, right. We

have to have these diagnosis, we have to know what is going on.

We are ignorant, ignorant is not bliss. denial, denial is the

worst medicine any of us can ever take. So when it comes down

to labels and limits, you are limiting yourself, you are

limiting your child by not finding out what they need. The

label component is the miracle. The amount of kids that can now

have speech services, the amount of kids that can now know why

they're not able to hold a pencil, because they need

occupational therapy to build fine motor muscles in their

hands. Why is my child still drooling at nine? Oh, they have

low tone in their mouth, maybe they need to go see somebody, a

speech therapist to help them build up the muscles in their

face, right? These diagnosis are intentional. They are not to

limit you. They are to empower you. They are to be your

powerful source to know exactly what you personally need in

order to thrive. The diagnosis is a seed. If you want to water

it as a label. That's your responsibility to pay attention

to why as a parent, as an educator, it is an excuse. It is

an excuse and it is an excuse I no longer will I tell people

thank you for waiting for me if I'm a few minutes late. I tell

people thank you. I got lost, I was completely focused on a

task. I'm not apologizing. I'm letting you know that at the

time still doesn't work for you. I totally get it can make

another day. Yesterday, I had a phone date, like literally a

phone date with a friend that we had to book three weeks ago,

okay. I'm talking to this man about diversity, equity

inclusion, because my passion in the world is to create an

accessible space for all to feel included, accessible, and a rich

sense of belonging. The world's diverse, it's always going to be

diverse. That's what it is. I'm a trailblazer in what I'm doing.

No one's doing it for children. They're only doing it for high

schoolers, grad students college and into the workspace. Why are

we starting there? It makes no sense. We need to be doing it

younger. That is what I do. So excited about the conversation

I'm having with this man yesterday. That was literally my

girlfriend texted me twice. Are you coming on? Are we having our

date? I was like, really gotta go? Because the conversation was

so amazing. Yesterday, I looked at the guy and I was like, I'm

on fire right now. Can I talk to you more? And so we talked this

morning before? I guess. And I literally he's like, okay, so so

he's an hour behind? Seems like so I'll see you at 930 I was

like no, cuz that's 1030 my time and I have to be on the 11 If

you talk so much yesterday, I know we're going to talk so much

more. Right? Be mindful. Be mindful of what your needs are.

And that's where we diminish the labels and limits and celebrate

ourselves as the powerhouses that we were meant to be.

Love it. Yeah, you're just adding to your

toolbox, right? You know what project you're building then.

And you can add to your toolbox accordingly after that.

Yeah. And if I may also offer this to parents, it's

really important that you honor yourself and know that you've

done nothing wrong. When a child comes out with a learning

difference, it's not because you did something wrong. It's not

because your DNA is screwed up. It's because it's like it was

meant to be and there's a learning process to this and you

are all going to grow stronger together. If you look at it as

it happening for us, for us instead of to us. Get yourself

out of the victim mode and get yourself into the power house.

The right and human that you are be the thought leader, be the

creative leader be the hero If you want to be, because the more

you as parents do that, the more your children will freely do it.

And that's the scariest part, your appearance. And watch so

quickly again, going back to, you know, the conversation about

my mom, I could feel it in my heart as she like, I felt her

thinking that she had done something wrong. She did the

best that she could. My parents did the absolute best that they

could they still do the absolute best they can. You know, I mean,

my dad's like, Do you need some money? I'm like, No, I'm good. I

start like, it's like, I'm in college, right? And I'm like,

yes, sometimes I talk really fast, like I was just a minute

ago, because I get so excited. And I'm so passionate about my

work. And then I slow down. And I really sit in what I'm saying.

And I really hope that your listeners will sit in what I'm

sharing right now, as parents, your job is to create a safe,

healthy environment for your child to thrive. And if you

personally, are not taking care of yourself, if you personally

are not taking a timeout for yourself, to go for a walk to go

outside and scream because you've got this like rage

inside. And you just need to get it out of your body for you not

to have a glass of wine with your friends, for you to

completely disconnect from everyone else. Because you think

your children are the only focal point in your life aside from

your job. You're only hurting yourself. Because what happens

on 6751?

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Oh, my goodness, well, I

could I could have this be a four hour podcast. And

hopefully, we'll get together and we will definitely talk

again and teach together again. But I just want to thank you for

being on here. I have taken copious notes, and just for my

own self and our own family, and I'm so glad that you are working

in the Children and Family sector in all of these important

topics. And it's just it's an honor to be sitting with you

today and be able to have this conversation. So thank you so

much for being here. Can you tell us real quick where

everyone can find you? Yes, well, first of all, I

want to thank you. Because it's it's creating

platforms like what you're doing, for experts like myself

to come on and really share how we can shift the paradigm.

Instead of talking about the problem, we give actionable

steps. And the more action we take, the better oil is going to

be. So I really want to thank you for inviting me to come on.

Now. You can find me on LinkedIn, I'm on LinkedIn, and

I'm on my website, David Kaplan. teach.com. I'm also on social

media. I'm on Instagram, you can find me there and on Facebook.

And I'm yeah, I'm all over the world actually.

Are we all today? Aren't we all today? Oh, my

goodness. Well, thank you again for having us on listeners,

parent Ark, or family architects that are listening, you are

building the beginning of someone else's life that is what

we are doing as parents. And we are doing the best we can with

what we have. And the more we know, the more we can put into

action and be better for it. So thank you, again for being on.

Thank you listeners for listening. And I will check in

and see you next week. Thank you so much for listening today. And

I hope you were able to take something from our discussion

that you can use to build the foundation of self love

leadership in your own family. If you are a parent with

children 17 or younger, and especially those around nine and

up, I would love to extend an invitation to you to the best

club in town. The family architects Club is a private

club where intentional parents go that want to love support,

connect or reconnect and really truly help guide their kids and

teach them how to self lead in discipline and leadership. This

is an online community and the you are welcome to it. Parenting

is a project and you are the architect of this one. You plan

you design and oversee the construction of the beginning of

someone else's life. And that's what goes into these first 6570

days. And it will be the foundation for the rest of their

lives. So come join the club. You can find your invitation on

the front page of my website Nelly hardin.com that is n e ll

ie H AR di n.com. Thank you again for being a part of this

conversation today. And if something really resonated with

you, or if you have a question, please don't hesitate to connect

with me. You can find me on Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And

lastly if you love the information please please leave

a five star review and a comment so more and more families can be

impacted by harnessing the strength of these ideas and

tools in their own families. So thank you so much. Happy

building you guys and I'll see you next week.