When Your Sibling Gets Everything

Do you ever replay conversations with your parents, mentally counting all the times they mentioned your sibling versus you? Or felt that hot flush of resentment when your brother gets praised for doing what you've been doing faithfully for years?

This week at Crowd Church, Mike Harris—one of five siblings himself—explored sibling relationships through one of Jesus' most famous stories. But instead of focusing on the wayward younger brother, Mike zeroed in on the older brother: the faithful one, the reliable one, the one who did everything right... and still felt invisible.

In this honest conversation, Mike unpacks the toxic dynamics of favouritism, the exhaustion of being the responsible sibling, and what happens when comparison steals your joy. Through biblical sibling rivalries that go spectacularly wrong (Cain and Abel, Joseph, Jacob and Esau), he reveals how God doesn't airbrush family dysfunction but engages with it honestly.

Journey with us through:

• [03:45] The Bible's messy family album
• [08:20] The older brother's complaint
• [14:30] 'This son of yours'—when resentment breaks family bonds
• [24:10] The father's surprising response
• [33:50] Conversation Street: navigating sibling rivalry
• [47:30] Jesus as the perfect older brother

[08:20] The Older Brother's Resentment

Mike reads the older brother's bitter complaint when he discovers his wayward brother is getting a party:

Look, all these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him.

What we discover:

• Why the older brother's resentment feels completely justified from his perspective
• The significance of 'this son of yours' instead of 'my brother'
• How comparison transforms service into 'slaving'
• The pain of doing everything right and still feeling invisible

Key takeaway: The older brother isn't irrational—he's been faithful, reliable, obedient. Yet his brother gets celebrated whilst his loyalty goes unremarked.

[24:10] What You Already Possess

The father's response reveals something the older brother couldn't see:

My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.

Mike unpacks this powerful truth:

Everything the father has belongs to the older brother. He's always been there. He's always had access to everything. He's got intimacy with his father. He's got the relationship. But he can't see it because he's too busy looking at what his brother's getting.

What this means:

• The older brother's problem wasn't having less—it was not recognising what he possessed
• His father's constant presence, unlimited resources, unconditional love were always available
• Comparison blinds us to the richness right in front of us
• Measuring our lives against siblings steals joy

Key takeaway: When we're too busy watching what others receive, we miss what we already freely have.

[33:50] Conversation Street - Dealing With Sibling Rivalry

Several people shared their experiences with sibling rivalry and reconciliation.

How do we practically manage these visceral feelings?

Mike's honest response: "It's really hard." But he pointed to recognising our true identity as children of the King, co-heirs with Christ. When we understand our position in God's family, it alters how we view earthly family dynamics.

We have to humble ourselves. We have to say, 'Actually, I'm going to forgive.' Even if they haven't asked for forgiveness.

What if reconciliation isn't possible?

Mike acknowledged the brutal reality: "Sometimes reconciliation isn't possible in this life. And that's really painful." But he pointed to ultimate hope—that in Christ, all things are being made new, including broken family relationships.

The exhaustion of being the responsible one

Several people resonated with always being expected to cope, to manage, to sort things out. Mike didn't minimise this: "It's not easy being the older sibling, being the one everyone depends on."

But he redirected to the relief available in Christ—we don't have to be perfect older siblings because we have a perfect older brother who's already done everything required.

Key takeaway: Reconciliation requires someone to go first, to humble themselves, to extend grace before it's deserved—just as Christ did for us.

[47:30] Jesus - The Perfect Older Brother

This is where Mike's talk shifted from diagnosis to hope.

Jesus is the older brother who doesn't stand outside and say, 'I'm not coming in.' He's the one who comes after us. He's the one who leaves the party to find us.

What Jesus did:

• Had everything—glory, honour, intimacy with the Father
• Laid it all down for wayward siblings
• Pursued reconciliation at the cost of his life
• Gave up his rights and position
• Came to earth, lived perfectly, died on a cross

Mike explained: "He gave up his rights. He gave up his position. He came down to earth, lived a perfect life, and then died on a cross so that we could be reconciled to the Father."

Key takeaway: Where the older brother couldn't move past resentment, Jesus moved toward his wayward siblings—offering reconciliation not based on what we deserve but at infinite cost to himself.

[52:15] Your Next Steps

Mike left us with practical actions for this week:

Recognise what you already have. You might be so focused on what others are getting that you're missing the richness of what you possess—relationship with the Father, access to His resources, His constant presence.

Examine your resentment honestly. Don't spiritualise it away. If you're bitter towards your sibling, acknowledge it. Bring it into light. Resentment grows in darkness.

Consider reconciliation. Romans tells us: "If it's possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." That includes siblings. This might mean initiating a difficult conversation or choosing to forgive without being asked.

Remember your identity. You're not defined by birth order, parental favouritism, or how you compare to siblings. You're a child of God, co-heir with Christ, deeply loved regardless of achievement or family rank.

Lay down your pride. Pride says "I deserve better" or "They should apologise first." But reconciliation requires someone to go first, to humble themselves, to extend grace before it's deserved.

Key takeaway: The older brother had everything. He just couldn't see it because he was looking in the wrong direction.

This conversation is perfect for:

• Anyone struggling with adult sibling rivalry
• People who feel invisible despite being the responsible one
• Those dealing with parental favouritism or comparison
• Anyone exhausted from measuring themselves against siblings
• People exploring reconciliation in broken family relationships

Join the conversation at crowd.church

Hello and welcome to Crowd Church coming to you live

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from Liverpool this Sunday night.

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My name is Matt Edmundson, and whether

this is your first time or whether

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you've been part of our journey since the

beginning, it's brilliant to be with you.

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We are a community of people figuring

out what it means to follow Jesus.

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In real life, not the polished,

perfect version, but you know, the

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messy, genuine, brilliant reality of

this whole thing called Christianity.

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So let me give you a little

roadmap of what's gonna be

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happening over the next hour.

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We'll have a talk last about 20 minutes

looking at the topic of relationships,

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which is the section of our series

becoming whole, that we are looking

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at exploring how Christ makes us

whole across every domain of life.

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After the talk, we've

got conversation streets.

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Oh yes.

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This is where we dig into what

you've just heard, and you get

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to be part of that discussion.

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So if you're with us live, jump into

the comments, share your questions,

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your thoughts, and your stories.

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And of course, if you're watching on

Catchup or listening to the podcast, then

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thanks for being part of the Crowd too.

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Right?

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Let's meet your hosts

and let's get started.

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Dan Orange: Good evening

and welcome to Crowd Church.

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It's great to be here tonight and tonight.

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Well, I'm Dan just in case.

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I always forget to introduce myself, and

I'm today, I'm with, uh, lovely Sharon.

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Sharon Edmundson: Hi everybody.

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Great to be with you.

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Um, be great if you could, um, comment

in the comments to let us know where

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you're watching from and say hi.

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Dan Orange: Yes, definitely.

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Um, we've got a great talk.

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Lined up, we've got the lovely Mike

Harris with us today, and he's gonna

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be talking about sibling relationships,

which Yeah, I'm looking forward to,

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Sharon Edmundson: yeah.

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Yeah.

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We just asked him the title of his

talk and I think he said Sibling Love

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and then scribbled that out because

there's not a lot of that in the Bible.

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There's so sibling relationships.

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It is,

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Dan Orange: yeah.

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So I'm looking forward to that.

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Um, um, me and Mike are, we're both

one of five, um, siblings, so we used

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to have big families and you are just.

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The small.

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Yeah.

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One

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Sharon Edmundson: of one of two.

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One of two.

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Yeah.

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Dan Orange: So I think without further

ado, let's pass over to Mike and yeah.

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Great.

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Mike Harris: Well, thanks.

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Um, and yeah, I extend my

welcome to you, uh, wherever you

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are watching, listening from.

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Um, my name's Mike.

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And, um, just before I go into the

talk, just a little bit about me.

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Um, I am from Liverpool.

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Lived there all my life, um, apart from

a couple of years, and I grew up in a

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large family, or it was large to me as

I was growing up because I am one of,

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uh, five siblings, as Dan was saying.

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Uh, like Dan, I am the eldest of five.

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Um, one of the interesting things about my

family was that for about three months in

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1983, so from October, 1983 to December,

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age of four, so I was three at the time.

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My sister Rachel, was two.

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My brother Richard was one.

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And then we had twins.

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And so from October till December,

there was five of us under three.

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So I very quickly had to learn how

to push a triple buggy and learn how

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to walk very quickly because there

wasn't enough room in the pram for me.

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I had to get out and start walking.

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And so I grew up, um, in a party

essentially, um, with my brothers

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and sisters and, and I loved it.

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I, I was very fortunate.

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Um, to grow up with, with

good friends around me.

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And yes, there were ups and downs, um, and

we're gonna have a little talk about that

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today, but that's, that's where I'm from.

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Um, I was past.

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A article, um, that I just wanted

to draw your attention to from the

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beginning, and it was a, an article

in the newspaper that was published

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recently and the headline said this, it

said From Cain and Abel to Charles and

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Andrew, and it was all about siblings

who were in the media who didn't get on.

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And their ups and downs and there

was lots of different ones and

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a few just caught my attention.

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So one of them was about

Liam and Noel Gallagher.

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Um, and there was a,

they've obviously had, um.

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Uh, uh, you know, a good relationship,

but it's had its ups and downs, hasn't it?

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And they've had fallings out and

then they come back together.

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Um, and one of the quotes from

Noel was, um, I liked my mom

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until she gave birth to Liam.

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And I just thought, wow,

what, what, what a quote.

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Um, and then a little bit further on it.

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Talked about these two brothers

and this story really, I just

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found it really interesting.

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So these two brothers, we had Adolf

Dazzler and Rudolph Dazzler, and these

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were two brothers and they grew up in

a small town and they were um, they

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were re entrepreneurs and they had the

idea of creating footwear for athletes.

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That was their idea.

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And so they started working on it

and the business was only small,

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but they fell out to, quite a

long story short, they fell out.

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And became bitter enemies.

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And so they split the business into the

business, split it two, it was very sad.

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And Rudolph DLA set up his own

company, which he called Puma.

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He didn't call it Puma originally,

but, but it did quite quickly

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become the, the, the brand Puma,

his brother, uh, Adolf dla.

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Um, he had a nickname Addie.

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And so we joined Adie and DLA

together and created Adidas.

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And so you had these two companies,

PMA and Adidas in this town.

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And the town became known.

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It became so divisive and so, um,

people were just so at each other's

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throats, you were either part of the

Adidas team or part of the puberty.

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And it became known as the Bent Neck

Village because every time somebody would

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talk to somebody else, they'd look down.

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To see what shoes they were wearing

to see whether they were one of

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us, or whether they one of them.

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And that's how divisive it became.

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And e you know, throughout their

lives, two brothers never reconciled.

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And even when they died, they, they

were buried at opposite ends of the

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cemetery, almost like, you know,

even in depth, they could still

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argue if they weren't separated.

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And I just thought that, that,

it was really, really sad.

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Um, and then we come to the Bible

and as, um, you know, as I started

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to wrestle with this idea of sibling

loving the Bible, I started looking

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through the Bible page after page.

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And you know, if I'm honest, it became

quite difficult to find siblings

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who, who demonstrated love for

each other, and we can find a few.

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But it was difficult.

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What we could find was siblings that

just didn't get along, and when they

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didn't get along, it then caused quite

big, um, problems for them in the future.

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And so, for example, um, we have Cain and

Abel, um, and I'm just gonna, you know,

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rattle off a few relationships here.

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We haven't got time really to

go into every single story, but

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Cain and Abel, interestingly,

Cain the first person ever born.

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Abel the first person to die because

Cain kills him, the first family on

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earth, and that's what they went through.

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We also have Joseph and the technical

Dream coach, if you remember that story.

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And Joseph and his brothers have a

very tumultuous, um, relationship.

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His brothers, his, his father

unfortunately favors Joseph.

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His brothers hate Joseph,

become jealous of him.

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And then look to try and kill him.

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Eventually decide to

sell him to some slaves.

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And later on in the story, and you'll

know the story, Joseph finds it within

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himself because he recognizes God's,

um, the fact that this was all part

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of God's plan and bringing, and he's

able to reconcile with his brothers.

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And, you know, uh, the story is.

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Amazing, um, an amazing

story of reconciliation.

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We've got Jacob and Esau two brothers

again, who, because their parents

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favored one and favored the other,

they became envious of each other.

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They became jealous.

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Um, and that relationship

went sour for decades.

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Um.

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So there's some, some examples

of some relationships that that,

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that were probably quite negative.

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Um, some relationships that were, that

had moments of positive, so Mary and

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Martha who were sisters and they had a

brother called Lazarus at Lazarus's death.

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Mary and Martha are both united in

grief for Lazarus, which which does

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show that they probably loved each

other, that they probably loved Lazarus.

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Lazarus probably loved them.

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Um, so that, that's one moment.

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Um, Ruth and Naomi, they were

related through marriage.

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They weren't siblings, but the love

that Ruth demonstrated to Naomi.

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And if you want to go and have a look

at these stories, you can, um, the

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absolutely amazing stories, but the

love that Ruth showed to Naomi was

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probably what you would hope to find in

a really strong sibling relationship.

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Um, even though they weren't siblings,

the sacrifice and the determination

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of Ruth to remain with Naomi, um, is,

is incredible, and you should, you

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should read about that and you can.

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Um, another relationship was

between, uh, king David and Jonathan.

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Again, they weren't siblings,

but the love that Jonathan

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demonstrates to Joseph at one point.

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Um, Jonathan puts himself in harm's

way in order to protect David

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from, um, his own dad from Saul.

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And so these instances show us what's,

what sibling love can look like.

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But the best demonstrations of

this are from, from people who,

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you know, aren't quite siblings.

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You know, one of the things that unites

these situations and the dysfunction,

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I think, um, is jealousy, and jealousy

is, is key to the dysfunctionality and

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the breakup of many relationships and

many relationships within families.

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You know, William Penn said this, he

said, the jealous are troublesome to

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others, but a torment to themselves.

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And Theodore Roosevelt wrote,

comparison is the thief of joy.

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I think we can probably just naturally

understand that, that, that that is true.

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You know, we, we often feel

jealous, but we never, we never.

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Claim we are jealous, but we find it

quite easy to spot in other people.

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But I think, you know, it's

a human condition, isn't it?

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That, that at times we get

jealous and, and we recognize.

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I recognize that when I'm jealous

that it does rob me of my joy.

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I find it very hard to be peaceful

and joyful and happy if I'm

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feeling jealous about something.

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I also find that jealousy.

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Often the person who I'm jealous about, it

might impact them a bit, but often really

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it's really destructive in my own life.

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Um, and then especially in families, you

know, it's more difficult to get away

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from your brothers and sisters, isn't it?

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So when you harbor jealousy towards one

of them, it can grow and grow and develop.

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And when left, it can break up a family.

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And I don't know what family situation

you are living in at the moment.

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Maybe you've got a fantastic

family, fantastic siblings, um,

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maybe you've got no siblings.

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Maybe you're just in a relationship, um,

with friends, colleagues, um, you know,

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wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend,

and maybe the relationship's going great.

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Or maybe you are part of a family

where there has been division and

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fracture and pain and fighting maybe

for years, maybe for generations.

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Maybe you are part of a family line

that that has been broken since.

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You can be, since you can remember,

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and that's really sad.

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But one of the things that.

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I wanna say today is that there

is always hope of reconciliation.

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You know, since the beginning of

time, God has been in the business of

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bringing relationships back together,

he sent Jesus to the cross to die so

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that our relationship with God could

be reconciled, so that we could be

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rescued, redeemed, and brought back

into a right relationship with God.

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And you know, we learned through the

stories of Joseph and his brothers

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and through the stories of Jacob

and AU, that even after decades of

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animosity and hate that with God

reconciliation is still possible,

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but it takes someone to break the cycle.

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And you know, when two countries

are at war, one country.

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Sends a bomb against the other country.

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The country retaliates and bombs the

other country and then it escalates

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and escalates and escalates.

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And you know, when you are in a

relationship that, or a family

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relationship dynamic where there's

constant fighting, it takes somebody to

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not retaliate in order to break the cycle.

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That can be, that can have been going

on for years and years and years.

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And that's really, really hard.

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How do you do that?

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How do you break a cycle of potential

pain that has been going on for that long?

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How do you do it?

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How do you not retaliate?

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How do you forgive?

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How do you reconcile with the

party that have been harming

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you hate and you, um, it's hard.

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It's hard, and I think that the only way

that we can do that, because you see our

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culture would say if you don't retaliate,

you're not standing up for yourself.

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You are not, um, you're not

winning, you're losing, you're

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being trodden on, you're,

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the only way we cannot retaliate is

when we know in our heart we've had

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a revelation of how much you are

loved by the creator of the universe.

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You see when you know that you are

loved by the King of Kings and the

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Lord of Lords, the one who has always

existed, the most powerful king creator.

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When you are, when you know that

you are loved by him, when you know

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that you are accepted, secure, and

significant, then you don't need.

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Your needs to be met before you can

meet the needs of somebody else.

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You don't need the affirmation.

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You don't need to be destroyed by hurt.

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You can be a minister of reconciliation,

which is what the Bible calls us to be.

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But in order to do that, it's hard.

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And so what I think we need to

do is we need to sta at Jesus.

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And as we stare at Jesus, we

get an understanding or we get a

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gateway into how much he loves us.

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And that love fills our hearts and

enables us to act in a way that are

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very countercultural and helps to build

relationships rather than break them.

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And so just for a few minutes,

I just want to talk about one

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story of Jesus from the Bible.

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And hopefully as I read this

story, you get a grasp of how much.

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This King loves you and it's a story

founded three of the gospels and it's

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a story about a lady who has been

bleeding for 12 years and Jesus is on

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his way from one town to, um, the home

of an important leader called Jairus.

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And Jarvis's daughter, who actually is

12 as well, um, is not well, and Jesus

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is on his way there to, to heal her.

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But on his way there, this lady, um, who

has been bleeding for 12 years comes up.

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Now, this lady, just for a little bit of

backstory, this lady would've been seen as

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unclean, which because she was bleeding.

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And so that meant that if she

was to touch anybody else, that

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they also would become unclean.

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And if you were unclean, you couldn't

go to the temple, you couldn't mix

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with other people because otherwise

you would make them unclean.

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And so this lady had been

bleeding for 12 years.

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She wasn't able to go to the temple.

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She wasn't, wouldn't have been able to

talk or communicate much with her family.

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She probably wouldn't have had any

friends 'cause she wouldn't have

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been able to come close to them.

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She wouldn't have had

the community around her.

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And she comes to a Crowd

that are around Jesus.

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Now, first of all, she's

taken a big risk here.

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Because when she comes, she knows

that she, if she's recognized or be

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recognized as somebody who's being

incredibly selfish, because if she

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touches anyone, she makes them un unclean.

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They can't go to the temple,

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but she's desperate.

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And in her desperation, she thinks to

herself, if I can just touch the hem of

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Jesus cloak, then I know I'll be healed.

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And she gets close enough and she

touches her hem, she touches his

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hem, and she's healed in an instant.

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And Jesus feels power go out of him and

he stops and he says, who touched me?

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And his disciples are like,

Jesus, there's crowds around you.

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You know what a DAF question to ask.

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Of course somebody's touched you.

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We're all barging, we're all making

our way to this important guy's house.

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You're gonna heal this, this,

um, young lady, this 12-year-old

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girl, it's gonna be amazing.

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There's crowds here and you ask

who touched you, but this lady

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feels convicted and she comes

forward and Jesus looks at her.

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And it's the only time in the Bible where

Jesus refers to someone as his daughter.

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He says, my daughter,

your faith has healed you.

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You see, Jesus knew already that he

had, that this lady was healed, but

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he also knew that this lady, because

of 12 years of bleeding, was not

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part of a community, was not part of

a family, did not have any friends.

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And so in referring to her as his

daughter, he calls her into his family.

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He establish her and roots

her in his family, in the

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family of the King of Kings.

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He's already healed her.

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He didn't need to do anything else,

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but he goes a step further

and he establishes her hair.

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In his family.

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And I just think that that just blows

me away every time I think about it.

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And you know, that is the heart of Jesus.

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That is the heart of God for you today.

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You know, wherever you are, whatever

you have done, the King of Kings, as you

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turned your back on Him, as you walked

away from him, sent Jesus to die for you

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to restore you back into a relationship

with him because he loves you.

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You know, jealousy was the thing

that in many of the Bible stories

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was the, was the wedge that just

started to get between people and

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started to bring that brokenness.

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But you know, in Exus 34, which is one of

the first books of the Bible, it says that

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the God who we serve is a jealous God.

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It actually says his name is jealous

because he is jealous for you.

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He is jealous not just to heal you,

but to embed you in his family.

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Why don't you humble yourselves

today and call on his name

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and he will be there for you.

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Dan Orange: Wow.

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Thanks, Mike.

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Thank you so much.

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Wow.

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Where do we go from there?

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I I love that.

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I love that.

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Um, Sharon said it a a couple of

weeks ago in her talk that God didn't

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make us and sort of just zap us all.

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And we all came out, you know, we all

came out fully grown with no relationship.

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He, he embedded relationship into

his creation and family into that.

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Um.

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Sharon, have you got anything

that jumps out to you that

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you wanted to, to say first?

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Sharon Edmundson: Well, it was more

that a verse that came to mind, which

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was Romans 12 s 18, which says if

it's possible, as far as it depends

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on you live at peace with everybody.

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So I think that just was

something that came out.

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Um, yeah.

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Can talk more about that if you like.

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Yeah.

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Um, yeah, just in that sense of.

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That I think it God's will is for us to

live at peace with each other, isn't it?

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But so often, all these different

relationships that we're in get broken.

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Um, and we've talked a

lot about forgiveness.

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I've talked a lot about forgiveness on

Crowd, and that's like a really key thing.

348

But I think these, this verse is

great because it's saying do what

349

you can, but it acknowledges that

even when we've done what we can.

350

That doesn't mean that the relationship

will be restored because it takes

351

two people for a restoration,

but it just makes me think, okay.

352

What things do I need

to take ownership for?

353

Yeah.

354

Um, and it's reminded me of I think

a situation with my own brother.

355

Generally.

356

We've got on really well, but there

was a period of time as adults

357

where our relationship got broken.

358

And it took me a while to realize, I

think, because just we lived apart.

359

And then after a while I was like,

oh, I think I've actually hurt him.

360

And so it took for me to go and

like actually take ownership.

361

The biggest part of it was my fault.

362

And just to go, look, I'm really sorry.

363

I realize I've hurt you.

364

And that wasn't my intention at all.

365

And that the relationship,

um, was good again.

366

Um, yeah.

367

Sorry.

368

I've just rambled on then.

369

No, no, that was great.

370

And I

371

Dan Orange: like that, you know, in

that verse it sort of, it gives us

372

that, that hope as well, doesn't it?

373

That he's given us that, that way through.

374

And I suppose with family,

we talk, we talk a lot about

375

forgiveness at Crowd, um, and.

376

Um, but with family, you've got that

situation where it's not something

377

you can really walk away from.

378

You're, you're there aren't you?

379

Or you know, people do and

you have these huge breakups.

380

Um, but it, it's something that.

381

It is much better dealt with, um, so

that that family can, can be restored.

382

I think it's a, it can be a generational

thing as well that perhaps you are in

383

a, in a family where, you know, you get

on with your brothers and sisters, but

384

there's something that happened way down

the line and it, it is affected cousins

385

and it, you know, there's so many stories,

like we heard about Adida and Puma, um,

386

and there's the, there's a big thing on.

387

TV at the moment, the, the House of

Guinness, you know that these, these

388

rivalries and, uh, I just heard last week

about it, there's a family in Liverpool

389

and so far they've spent 4 million pounds

on legal fees because of their family

390

who's just broken down with business.

391

And it, we need, like, um, Mike said,

we need that staring at Jesus, don't we?

392

I love that.

393

Mike Harris: Yeah.

394

Yeah.

395

And I think like,

working for peace is, is.

396

Such a challenge as well, isn't it?

397

You know, I know in my own life what

it's, um, it's something that we're

398

called to do, but in order to work for

peace, in order to be harmed and yet

399

still seek peace, it requires a a, a, a

heart that is resilient enough to be hurt.

400

And yet not retaliate.

401

And the only way, um, that, that is

possible is, is, is when you know

402

that you are loved by the creator.

403

Yeah.

404

Yeah.

405

Um, but it's, it's, it's still so hard.

406

Is it?

407

Yeah.

408

It's, it's, it's still difficult.

409

Dan Orange: You said,

um, and you talk Yeah.

410

That someone, someone's

got to make that first.

411

Move, haven't they?

412

Yeah.

413

Like you said, the person that's

hurt still has to make that move.

414

Um,

415

Sharon Edmundson: I think one of the

things that came out in the different

416

examples that you gave throughout the

Bible of where sibling relationships

417

broken down there seemed to be.

418

A theme of envy and jealousy, and that

just made me think about how much we

419

need to guard our own hearts and just

like notice, you know, if we have these

420

negative feelings towards our siblings.

421

I think the first check is,

is it something in my heart?

422

It might not be, it might actually

be their fault, but as far as

423

we can to take ownership for

our stuff and to not let that.

424

Um, jealousy or rivalry grow, but to

actually like, deal with it with God.

425

Dan Orange: Yeah.

426

Yeah.

427

And can, can there be perhaps in you, you

two might have examples in your family

428

where you've thought perhaps favoritism

has, has been involved and you've

429

seen, oh, you know, my parents have.

430

You know, he's the favorite.

431

Oh, she's the youngest.

432

She's the, she's the favorite.

433

And, uh, as a parent I realize that

I have to be, I have to be careful.

434

I love my, both my kids equally,

but I've got to to show it as well.

435

Is, is the, have you got examples

where you might, like, in your

436

family, might, where you thought,

you know, I'm, I'm the oldest.

437

I, I've got this responsibility, the

youngest, they seem to get away with it.

438

Was there any kind of favoritism

that you perhaps had to get over?

439

Mike Harris: Yeah, I mean, maybe I.

440

Maybe a little bit, although I, you

know, I, I have to say, you know what?

441

I suppose one of the things growing

up, my sister Rachel, was always a

442

lot more mature than me, and so she

was allowed to go to town before I

443

was, even though I was older than her.

444

But I think I was, you know, at

least astute enough to realize that,

445

that she was more mature than me.

446

So I could see why that would be.

447

But it's interesting that you bring up

parents, because I did think about that.

448

You know, I've got two young children.

449

Um, well, they're, they're

not quite too young anymore.

450

Um, but I was thinking about parents

and one of the things I thought as I,

451

as I looked at this is it'd be quite

easy to feel quite condemned as a parent

452

when you see your kids getting at each

other and becoming jealous and envious.

453

And I just, I think it's important to

say that for my reading of the Bible,

454

and I'm open to other opinions, but.

455

Jealousy amongst siblings, I think is,

is a result of living in a fallen world.

456

And although parents can, um, make

it worse by, by making different

457

children favorites, I think even if

you're a parent and, and you have no

458

favorites, they can still be jealousy.

459

And I just think.

460

That can be, um, you can feel

quite condemned as a parent.

461

And I just think the Bible teaches

us that actually jealousy is

462

just part of the human condition.

463

We live in a fallen world.

464

Mm-hmm.

465

Unfortunately, we're outside of

Eden and, and that's just one

466

of the, the problems I think.

467

But I do think, you know, I

tried to teach my kids when

468

they were very young to share.

469

It was one of the first

lessons I tried to teach them.

470

And I'm just, you know, the more and more

I think about it, the more I think what an

471

impossible lesson for me to try and teach

my kids that if you give this thing up

472

and give it to your sister and let her use

it, then that is the right thing to do.

473

You know, it's just, it sharing

is just an impossible thing.

474

And I think when it comes to trying to.

475

To care for our kids and look after

them in a way that is biblical.

476

I think the best thing to do if you have a

child who, who, who demonstrates that they

477

are jealous is, is to teach them about

Jesus, is to read them stories about Jesus

478

and show them how much Jesus loved them.

479

Because you know, I've, I've

said it a number of times, but

480

I think that's the only cure.

481

Yeah.

482

That is the only cure that as

you show them pictures of Jesus.

483

There's an opportunity for their heart

to respond and for Jesus to bring that

484

revelation of how much he loves them.

485

Um.

486

Yeah, yeah,

487

Dan Orange: absolutely.

488

Sharon Edmundson: On the whole,

um, parent favoritism thing.

489

My kids are very naughty.

490

I've got three kids and they all tease me.

491

They, they, uh, pick on one of the

kids and say, oh, he's your favorite.

492

And I'm just like, no, no,

I don't have favorites.

493

And they're like, oh, yeah.

494

And I think, I try not to write.

495

It comes up on a regular basis

and I try not to rise to it.

496

And they are joking, but I think

there's that little element of

497

me going, but are they joking?

498

Do you know what I mean?

499

Yeah.

500

They're just, yeah.

501

Very naughty.

502

Mike Harris: Yeah.

503

Abs.

504

Absolutely.

505

Yeah.

506

And I think like when, when there

was the five of us, that must

507

have been, I mean, maybe my mom

and dad were just overwhelmed.

508

Didn't have time to think about it, but,

but that, you know, must have been, yeah.

509

You know, part of it, I dunno.

510

Dan Orange: Yeah, I think it,

yeah, in my family probably.

511

Probably was.

512

I think we just sort of thought,

oh, my little sister she gets,

513

you know, she gets it easy.

514

'cause we're, um, we're now

older, we do the washing up,

515

we have to clean the table.

516

But she's younger and

she gets away with stuff.

517

Yeah.

518

Not that I'm.

519

I remember that even though it

was 40 years ago, you've let

520

Sharon Edmundson: go of that one.

521

Yeah.

522

Um, yeah, I've just looking at the

comments here, we've got, um, Heather

523

who said she's got one sister and had

been an only child for six years before

524

she arrived and she hated the intrusion.

525

I think many, many people

can relate to that.

526

Yeah.

527

Um, but now 57 years later, I love her

the most and she's my favorite person.

528

I'm glad it turned out well in the end.

529

Yeah.

530

Dan Orange: One, um, one question as well

is that how, um, how has your sort of

531

relationship, if you do have siblings,

how's that affected you in later life?

532

Has it been a, has it been a blessing?

533

Have you able to use those, um,

conflicts and stuff that came up?

534

Um.

535

Sharon Edmundson: I'm trying

to, I can't, I really can't

536

remember conflicts as a child.

537

There must have been them,

but I can't remember.

538

I think it's more the incident

I talked about before.

539

I think that's just helped me to,

made me think I just really need

540

to be better with communicating and

listening and, and I think as you

541

get older, there's just something

about being more purposeful because

542

often you are scattered, don't live.

543

Near each other.

544

So it, it takes more of an

effort, doesn't it, to Yeah.

545

Maintain that relationship.

546

What about you?

547

Mike Harris: Well, I, I'm quite

fortunate in that all of my siblings

548

live within, um, a few miles.

549

One of my sisters has moved,

um, over to over to the world,

550

but we all live quite close.

551

Um, and I think be, you know,

because we're quite close in

552

age as well, that was just.

553

Such a blessing growing up,

um, you know, to have friends.

554

And, um, there were instances,

you know, where we would fight.

555

And I would, I remember my sister

Rachel, I would, I would push her on

556

the couch and I would, I would sit on

her head, which, which sounds terrible.

557

She absolutely hated it.

558

I thought it was hilarious.

559

And then my, my two brothers,

sometimes I'd get into fights

560

with them, but, but when you were

back then, if you were seven.

561

And your brother was four.

562

You were a lot bigger than Yes.

563

So you could beat him up.

564

Now, both my brothers are bigger than me,

um, and they could probably beat Neil.

565

Um, but my, my relationship

with, with my siblings, again,

566

I'm, I'm just very blessed.

567

They are my closest friends.

568

Um, my biggest supporters.

569

Yeah.

570

And yeah, I'm just incredibly

blessed because I know other people.

571

For other people, that's not the same.

572

Dan Orange: I think, yeah,

with my family, we've.

573

We are still pretty close.

574

We're all in the same city.

575

We all in Liverpool.

576

Um, and we had time where, you know,

every Sunday everyone come around

577

to my house and we just did that.

578

That was just the thing we did.

579

But then different things happened

in life, marriage, kids, and we

580

do have, have to be a lot more

purposeful now, like you said.

581

And I have, I've realized that,

and we've realized that, that

582

we can, we can drift apart.

583

We cannot keep up to date with

things, uh, unless we're purposeful.

584

Um, and that's made.

585

It's made a big difference and

I've, I've enjoyed getting to

586

know my family a bit more again.

587

Mm-hmm.

588

You know, it's something that

has to be, had to be conscious.

589

Yeah.

590

For me,

591

Sharon Edmundson: yeah.

592

Heather's put here, I think

sibling conflict can take every

593

ounce of strength to heal.

594

It's almost easier to

figure a stranger, I think.

595

Yeah.

596

I can see how that's true.

597

'cause I think.

598

If you've got people who you are close

to or who you're meant to be close to,

599

that can hurt a whole lot more than

some stranger doing the same thing.

600

Yeah.

601

Yeah.

602

Um, and there's another

one, where did I see that?

603

Um, oh yeah, Karen's put that, um,

that about family relationships.

604

I don't care anymore

if they don't love me.

605

It's on them to apologize to me.

606

I'm at peace.

607

I did nothing wrong.

608

I think that kind of relates back to

the verse I mentioned before, where

609

once we've done all that we can mm-hmm.

610

Once you can do nothing else, then

you know, if this relationship still

611

isn't working, then it's like giving

it to God and living in God's peace.

612

Yeah.

613

And yeah, we can, we can do so

much, but we can only do our bit.

614

We can't do the bit for Yeah.

615

The rest of the family.

616

Dan Orange: Yeah, we can't,

you can't force someone else

617

to apologize or do something.

618

You can, yeah, like you said, you can, you

can give that, you can, you can forgive,

619

you can give it to God and then trust.

620

Trust him and, um, and pray that in

your, in the time we're here, that.

621

That that restoration happens?

622

Yeah,

623

Sharon Edmundson: I think we've said many

times before, haven't we, that forgiveness

624

is not the same as reconciliation.

625

Because to forgive, you can just

do that on your own, regardless

626

of how the other person acts.

627

But for reconciliation, there needs

to be the other person owning their

628

stuff as well and dealing with that.

629

And without that, you can't

have that relationship.

630

Dan Orange: Um, Ellis

has put something here.

631

Um, I'm nine years, nine years

younger than my brother and I

632

used to really wind it up, and

even to this day, I still do it.

633

In some ways, this talk has

shown me that I need to stop.

634

Well done Ellis.

635

Yeah, well done.

636

Ellis.

637

You can

638

Sharon Edmundson: give us a, um, a

progress report in a few weeks time.

639

See how that's going.

640

Yeah, see, see, it's gone on.

641

Yeah.

642

Um, I've got an interesting point here

about the fact that Jesus actually had.

643

Half siblings as well.

644

Dan Orange: Yeah.

645

Yeah.

646

Sharon Edmundson: And just that, um,

it's something I don't really think

647

about that often, about, you know, how

did Jesus get on with his siblings?

648

And um, actually we've got

that in his early ministry.

649

Um, so he's got, he had brothers

and sisters and initially

650

they didn't really believe.

651

In him as the the Messiah and at

times thought he was a bit crazy.

652

Um, we're trying to restrain him.

653

Um, but yeah, over time became followers.

654

So it is like Jesus understands

what it's like to have these

655

mixed relationships with siblings.

656

Yeah,

657

Mike Harris: yeah, absolutely.

658

And I think like, um, one interesting

aspect of our relationship with

659

Jesus is trying is, is seeing him.

660

As our brother, um, you know, we, we

talk a lot or I, I hear a lot of people

661

talk about Jesus being our savior, Jesus

being our king, Jesus being our Lord.

662

Um, but Jesus as our brother is, is an

interesting aspect to his character.

663

I know in Romans eight it talks about.

664

Um, it says in, in, uh, verse 29, it

says, for those God for you, he also

665

predestined to be conformed into the

likeness of his son, that he Jesus will

666

be the first born among many brothers.

667

And you know, this, this verse is, talk

comes after, uh, Romans 8 28, which says

668

that God is working all things together

for the good of those who love him.

669

And that those who love him,

who call Jesus their Lord,

670

um, that God is changing us.

671

It uses the word, um, morphing us into

the likeness of Jesus so that Jesus

672

can be the first born among lots of,

lots of brothers or lots of siblings.

673

And I just think you know it.

674

It's interesting, isn't it?

675

Um, thinking about Jesus as our brother.

676

I know.

677

Um, in the story of the Prodigal son,

um, you know, which, which, which I

678

think very famous story in the Bible.

679

Um, but at the end of that story,

it finishes quite abruptly.

680

And so you've got, you've got the young

son, uh, so you've got the two sons.

681

The first son decides that he, this

is a parable Jesus is telling to the

682

Pharisees at the time, and the first son.

683

Um, says, right, I want my inheritance.

684

Which effectively what he was

saying was, I, I, I want to leave,

685

I want, I want all my inheritance.

686

So he picks up all this inheritance,

he goes off, he wastes it.

687

He ends up having to eat with the pigs.

688

And in that moment, he thinks right.

689

My dad's slaves are better off than me.

690

I'm gonna go back to my father's house.

691

So he comes back to his father's house.

692

His father sees him, runs out, put

a, puts a ring on his finger, puts

693

a cloak around his back, kills the

fatten calf, and they had a party.

694

And this party would've

taken about three days.

695

It wouldn't have been an evening

and affair, it would've been

696

a big extravagant evening.

697

And, um, few day long

party, very expensive party.

698

And.

699

The father welcomes him right

back into the family, you know,

700

by putting a robe on and putting a

ring on right back into the family.

701

So the father then goes

to see the other brother.

702

Now the thing in, in, in this

story, I'm sorry, I'm going on.

703

No, but the, the thing in the story is

that the, the other brother, everything

704

now the father owns is his everything

because the other brother has taken

705

his half of the inheritance and gone.

706

So everything that the

father owns right now is his.

707

And the father comes outta this brother,

and this brother is perturbed for want of

708

a better expression because if the father

invites the other son, the son who's was

709

his inheritance back into the family,

then that is going to cost this brother.

710

All money spent on him from now is

coming out of his in inheritance.

711

And so the father comes out to him and

invites him to come into the party, and

712

it's at that point that the parable ends

and the you're left with the question,

713

well, is the, is the brother gonna

come back into the party or is he not?

714

And the dilemma for the, for the, for

the brother who's remain there is,

715

is, can I come back into the party?

716

My inheritance is dwindling.

717

Even this party with the fatten

calf is taking up money that

718

would've been coming to me.

719

Can, can I do it?

720

And Jesus finishes.

721

I think one of the reasons why it

ends there is because, and this is

722

just my own summation, this is only

my own guess, but Jesus is the perfect

723

older brother in that he looked at us

724

Dan Orange: mm-hmm.

725

Mike Harris: And gave up everything.

726

So that we could come

back into his family.

727

And we weren't like the other brother.

728

We hadn't run home repentance.

729

We, we were still spending all our money.

730

We were still wasting all our money.

731

And, but the elder brother, as it says in

in Romans, Romans eight, that that Jesus

732

is the first born among many brothers.

733

He's our older brother, but

he's the perfect older brother

734

because he surrendered everything.

735

So that we could be called

back into his family.

736

And I, you know, the more I look

at Jesus' old brother, you know,

737

I never had an older brother.

738

I only had younger brothers.

739

Um, and, but seeing Jesus as our older

brother, I think is, there's, there's

740

something just fantastic about it.

741

Yeah.

742

Dan Orange: I love that, Mike.

743

That's the, it's the

ultimate answer to jealousy.

744

Hmm.

745

Isn't it?

746

You know, he, he could be have the, he

could have the ultimate jealousy, you

747

know, you are taking away my inheritance,

but he is like, oh, share it with me.

748

It's just, yeah.

749

That, that jealousy's gone.

750

Yeah.

751

You know, he is given it to us.

752

We're, we're inheritance.

753

We can inherit that.

754

Yeah.

755

Sharon Edmundson: Yeah.

756

And I think the Bible talks

about God lavishing his love upon

757

us, and I think that kind of.

758

Yeah.

759

That story kind of

illustrates that, doesn't it?

760

The way, yeah.

761

Just lavish love and grace that

is inviting us in all the time.

762

Yeah.

763

Yeah.

764

I love that.

765

Um, Ellis, sorry, just

switching back a little bit.

766

Um, I feel like we're going to and fro, so

Ellis has put another good point as well.

767

It says a lot of the time with family

issues, it affects not just the people

768

who were in the conflict with each

other, but even other people around them.

769

Yeah.

770

Reconciling helps us, but can

also be good for those around us.

771

And I think again.

772

That kind of goes with that

parable as well, doesn't it?

773

That Yeah, that I think that's right.

774

Mm.

775

It has a knock on effect.

776

Our, the, our tricky relationships.

777

Knock on to those around us as well.

778

It's not just us.

779

Yeah, absolutely.

780

Mike Harris: Yeah.

781

And I just think, you know, what better

testimony to the existence of God and to,

782

you know, the love of Jesus than when.

783

Someone who, who has that love,

goes out of their way to be

784

reconciled and to, to seek peace.

785

As you were talking about initially,

Sharon, I just think it's, it's so

786

counter-cultural because, because you,

you've got to lay down, you've got

787

to give up your, you know, you are.

788

Rights to, to have all

your needs met first.

789

Yeah.

790

Dan Orange: Give up your pride, isn't it?

791

Sometimes as well, it's

like, give your pride.

792

Yeah.

793

I don't have to do this one.

794

You don't, but this is gonna be, yeah.

795

This is gonna heal.

796

Mike Harris: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

797

Absolutely.

798

And it's, it's a testimony to, to, to your

other brothers and sisters, you know, who,

799

who maybe don't know Jesus, but also to,

to people, friends and family looking on.

800

Um, I think we probably

underestimate how big a.

801

Impact that has.

802

Yeah,

803

Sharon Edmundson: I was just thinking

then that there might be people watching

804

who actually don't have siblings or

maybe don't really have much of a

805

family at all, and I, I think it,

again, that's one of the amazing things

806

about the Christian faith is that it

talks about God being our father or

807

Jesus, our brother, and inviting us.

808

Into that family relationship and it talks

about how God sets the lonely in families.

809

And that's both a fabulous thing.

810

Uh, also a challenge because we are,

I think people, it's like the world's

811

fabulous because of people, but also.

812

That's what makes it tricky, isn't it?

813

Yes.

814

Those relationships, they, they

both give us things that we need.

815

We need relationships, but also they

bring us challenges at the same time.

816

But yeah, if you are out there

and you are, you are on, on

817

your own, don't be on your own.

818

You are invited in.

819

Come on in.

820

Yeah.

821

Dan Orange: That's a very good

plug for, um, at the end of this.

822

Yeah.

823

Yeah.

824

Um, at the end of Conversation Street.

825

Um.

826

The, the address will come up in a minute,

um, on the bottom of the screen or in

827

the comments that, um, we have a Google

meet, so we'd love to just, just chat.

828

It's like an informal time

to, to get to know you, to be

829

part of the, the Crowd family.

830

Is there anything else, Mike, that

you'd like to say before we finish up?

831

Mike Harris: Um, no, I'm not forcing you.

832

I'm just not that I can think of.

833

Sharon Edmundson: I, I think for me

it's just, I think just taking that

834

stop check in a sense that if you have

got siblings just to think, okay, how,

835

what is my relationship like with them?

836

Have I done all that I

can do to live in peace?

837

Or is there something that actually

I need to take ownership of?

838

And if you've done all you that you can.

839

I mean, just to, and

things are still tricky.

840

Maybe just to like pray a blessing over

your siblings and you know, to extend

841

God's grace into their lives somehow.

842

And like I said before, if you haven't

got siblings, just to know that, um.

843

Yeah.

844

Well, yeah.

845

We're all invited into this

family, to God's family.

846

Mm-hmm.

847

To not be alone.

848

Mike Harris: Yeah.

849

I I wouldn't mind just,

just plugging a book.

850

Yeah.

851

Um, that I think is quite good.

852

There's a book by, uh, Neil t Anderson,

um, which is called Victory Over Darkness.

853

Um, it's all about your

identity in Christ and how.

854

Um, he focuses around certain basis

that talk about the fact that you

855

are accepted, that you are secure,

and that you are significant.

856

And I found it really, really powerful

and it'll, it'll help you to be,

857

um, the Minister of Reconciliation,

which the Bible calls us to be.

858

Um, want you have a, a full understanding

based on revelation from God, um,

859

about your true identity in Christ.

860

That's a great book.

861

Dan Orange: Yeah, it is.

862

I only read it this year actually.

863

It's a brilliant book.

864

Yeah.

865

It's one of those books that

in the Christian Circle it's

866

like, oh, you haven't read that?

867

Yes.

868

Yeah.

869

Um, thanks so much for joining us.

870

Thank you Sharon.

871

And, and thank you Mike

for the No problem.

872

Brilliant talk.

873

Um, we'll be back next week.

874

And Dave Conney speaking,

I believe on grandparents.

875

So yeah, looking forward to that.

876

Um.

877

Again, if you'd like to join us

just in about five minutes, two

878

minutes or so, come join on Google

meets and we'll see you next week.