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4 Top Tips To Help You Combat Comparison
Episode 6412th May 2019 • Your Dream Business • Teresa Heath-Wareing
00:00:00 00:28:49

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KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST
  • Every single thing that you achieve in your business and your personal life is a huge achievement. You are amazing.
  • Just because someone else has achieved something, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t an opportunity for you to achieve it to. In fact, it means that there is more of a chance of you succeeding as you know someone at your level can do exactly what it is you want to achieve.
  • One of the best things you can do when it comes to comparing yourself to others is stop looking. If you find you’re looking at people and comparing your wins, it’s much better to stop looking and get your head in your own lane.
  • It’s important you’re being careful whose advice you take and who you are listening to.
  • Look for the small wins within your business and learn to appreciate them. They are all good and will collectively build to much bigger things.
  • Spend at least one hour a day working ON your business, not IN it.
  • Whilst it you may find it hard to find the time to work on your business, doing so will mean that you are making progress within your business.
  • You need to work out what your priorities are and work out what you want to do now and what you want to do most. In some cases, you may find that you have to sacrifice the small things.
  • Visualisation is a little bit like daydreaming. Whether you’re thinking ‘if that was me’ or ‘I would do’ – visualising the things you want to achieve can really help you look towards the future. The clearer your visualisations are, the better.
  • Just because there is someone out there doing what you do, it doesn’t mean there is not space for you.
THE ONE THING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER ABOVE ALL ELSE…
It’s important to remember that a lot of the time, you are comparing yourself to people that have been working at their business much longer than you have. You may be comparing your day 5 to their day 50. They will have gone through everything that you’re going through in order to get to where they are now.
HIGHLIGHTS YOU SIMPLY CAN'T MISS
  • Introduction - 01:30
  • Stop Looking Comparing Yourself to Others - 06:26
  • Be Careful Whose Advice You Take - 10:48
  • Spend At Least One Hour A Day on Your Business - 14:00
  • Using Visualisation – 19:00
Transcript below

 

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the podcast. How are you? I’m good. I’ve had a really good productive day so far so I am feeling pretty positive and I’m getting ahead and more caught up from all the trips. So that is cool. So this week I’m just jumping straight in. There’s no like chap, I’m just going straight for it into the episode because this week it’s a little bit different.

 

Now obviously I’ve done lots conferences have been lots of places and a subject keeps coming up and up and up and everybody I talk to and I’ve had loads of calls since I got back. Loads of catch up with my team and colleagues and friends and it just keeps coming up this subject and I felt like I really wanted to come onto the podcast and talk about it today. But in all honesty I’ve hardly planned what I’m going to say I’m not entirely sure how this is going to go so I’m just going to wing it which is what I do a lot.

 

I have to say but I really am this week because it’s just a subject that I really do want to talk about. So I’m just going to start rambling and hope to goodness this comes out okay. But I know like I said, this is something that’s coming up for me and I’m really hoping that while I’m hoping it doesn’t come up for you because that be cool but if it is coming up for you that I’m hoping this comes at the right time and that some of the things I’m going to say you’ll be able to take as good advice and you’ll be able to think about and relate that to your own situation in your own life. So I’ll stop what’s going on and get to the point okay.

 

So if you follow me on Instagram you might have seen quite a few weeks back when I was in California at one of the conferences I did quite a long Insta Story, several Insta Stories about the fact of how I feel when I go to a conference and first off, I don’t think it’s specifically conferences that do this. I think it’s because I spend a lot of time in my own office, in my own space, working alone as most of us do. Even though I have a team, they’re all round the world and virtual so we don’t sit in the same office. But I think what happens when I go to conferences that’s when I start to really see other business people and other businesses and entrepreneurs and stuff like that I don’t think it’s necessarily the conference that does it it’s just the fact that I’m mixing with other entrepreneurs.

 

But what happens is and what I talk about on my Insta Story is I get completely overwhelmed and I sit in the room and I literally sit there and go, ‘What am I doing? Who am I? Why do I think I’m good enough to do this? How am I going to compete against all these people? Look at all these amazing people doing these amazing things. Their business is ahead of mine. They’re doing this. I want to do this. There isn’t enough space in the world to include us all.’ Literally everything you can think of is running through my mind. Now I would say, I don’t know whether you agree or not but I would say that I think I’d probably come across as a fairly confident person. In some aspects of my life, I’m super confident but in aspects like that I start to really hate myself and I start to sit there and look at some of the amazing speakers on stage or even the other people in the audience and think, ‘Oh man what am I doing? Or I’m not where I should be. And they’re ahead of me and they’re taking all the customers and taking all the money and getting all the success and there’s gonna be no success left for me. ‘

 

And I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m being read like oh woe is me and woo hoo but I’m not saying it from a kind of this is something that I go through really occasionally and I wonder whether you go through it too? And basically it’s looking at other people, it’s comparing yourself against your colleagues and your competitors and the people you look up to and thinking to yourself, ‘My business isn’t good enough. What I’ve achieved isn’t good enough.’ And also celebrating those wins when you see that I don’t know let’s say Rachael Hollis again. She’s just launched another book and she’s in a New York bestseller in all this sort of thing.

 

And the funny thing is I’m sat here, I’m not even necessarily want to launch a book like that. However, when your when you’re looking at that then suddenly you look back at your you know few thousand extra podcast downloads and you might sit there and think, ‘Oh gosh you know this is awful or this isn’t good enough.’ And it’s absolutely not like honestly I can’t stress enough how important it is that we’re not comparing ourselves these people we are looking at our own journey and our own successes and our own celebrations and that we are not demeaning or undermining any of our own successes because you know what? They are flipping amazing every single teeny tiny thing that you do in your business that you achieve that you manage to control and keep it going every day and in your family and in your home life with your friends. I swear to goodness; it is a huge achievement.

 

And that’s what I want to talk a bit about today. In terms of how we’re comparing ourselves to others and some of the things that I do to try and manage this and get over this and not worry about it too much. So obviously that means that in rooms with amazing people in terms of speakers they say these amazing things and obviously I’m going to say some of these things today and I don’t want it to sound like I’m literally just reading Instagram quotes. So I really hope it doesn’t come across like that. But like I said the main thing is it’s that comparison thing. It’s looking at someone else and going they’re doing it better than me. They are achieving what I want to achieve. And therefore there’s no space for me to do that. So I just want to talk about that for a sec.

 

So first off someone my coach very very smart lady I should really get on the podcast. I will do at some point talked about this. There was an event I wanted to speak out and someone else got to speak at it and I didn’t.

 

And I got on a call with her and I was a little bit cross and a little bit hard done by and a little bit frustrated by and suddenly went into this big woe of that said you know I’ve been overlooked I’m never going to get that. They were picked I wasn’t picked. What does this mean? It means they’re better than me and I started associating all of these meanings to this thing that happened. Now the funny thing of the story is my application was never processed. I wasn’t even in the running because they lost it. They lost my application and therefore all these meanings, I was associating to the fact that I had not been picked and someone else had been picked and obviously because they were there that meant there was no room for me was one totally incorrect but two it was coming from a place of lack. It was coming from a place of you know what because they’ve got it. There isn’t room for me. And that’s absolute rubbish. Just because someone else is achieving something doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for you and there isn’t a chance you’re going to get it. In fact, it’s the opposite. If someone else that you know is achieving something, then you should look at that as a positive and think that means someone at my level or me or my situation can also achieve it. You’re looking round to see that if that thing is happening and you haven’t got to be someone else has been great. That’s brilliant. One be really pleased of them which once I got over my little grump I was very pleased for them. But not only be really pleased them but then think to yourself that’s an example that actually someone very similar to make and go and do that. And therefore I can do that too. So the comparison thing is a really really tricky thing. So my general advice and I suppose I’m going to go through a few different points that likes it helped me with things like this. My first thing is to stop looking necessarily at others even though I said it can give you a good example of someone that has done it and therefore proof that it can be done which is awesome. But you know what if you find yourself looking at these other people thinking you’re doing it better than me and I can’t you know I’m not where it should be I’m not doing the things I should have done my wins aren’t as big as yours. Then just stop looking.

 

Get your head down in your own lane and focus on your own thing. And I know this can be hard. Believe me I do it all the time and I find it really difficult because you can’t help but especially where you’ve got people who are who started on a similar level to you and either they’ve overtaken you or they’re achieving something that you want to achieve. It can be really really hard not to sit there and then pays off to them. But as we’ve heard many of times you know we’re comparing our day five with their day 50 or we’re comparing year one of us with year seven of them.

 

So granted you know we might be at different levels but you have to take into account how long someone been doing it. And again to keep them out Rachel Hollis any because I watch documentary right the other night on Amazon. But when she was at the KGB Impact Summit she actually mentioned that her book. Go wash your face which was one of it. Well it was the only book I read. I have another one that I’m going to read soon as well. But she said that that was something like her eighth book or maybe tenth book. Maybe I’m exaggerating that but anyway it certainly wasn’t her first. But the thing is you didn’t see her first. I didn’t see her firsts so therefore you just think wow she’s achieved the success. But no she wrote all those books beforehand. And like I said I really don’t want to like let this fall into just Instagram quotes but there are millions examples of amazing people who literally didn’t do it until much later on. So stop looking at these people thinking I should have done this already or I can’t achieve that until I’ve done this or why haven’t I had this.

 

And just keep your head down in your own lane and just keep moving forward. So the next bit of advice I guess I’ve got is actually this is kind of ironic. Be careful whose advice you take or who you listen to. So again I was in the room with lots and lots of people with things that they were doing for their business ways. They wanted to go things they wanted to achieve goals they expected to not expected to achieve the goals that they were putting on themselves. And again you sit there and think should I be doing that or why isn’t my goal as big or why if they got more than me. And and again it doesn’t matter. That’s their race. That’s their journey. That’s their thing. And actually just because I haven’t launched something yet or just because I haven’t done a certain thing yet it really really doesn’t matter. If that’s what I want to do, then at the end of the day the only person that matters is you and what you want to do in your business as long as you’re moving forward as long as you are working at it then it doesn’t matter how slowly you’re going it doesn’t matter. How long it takes as long as you are working towards getting your goals and achieving them. And you know what like I said even if you didn’t then what does it matter to anybody else. It doesn’t at all. So just really be careful about the people you surround yourself with. It’s great to have ambitious people but it’s not great to have people who aren’t helping celebrate your journey and where you are. And like I said back to those small wins I appreciate every single teeny tiny thing that happens in my business. I had an e-mail the other day replying to my weekly Wednesday emails that I now send which if you’re not on by the way please go and get on the list which you can do over at my site. But anyway side note I had a really amazing e-mail the other day from a lady who basically said she now starts her week looking forward to Wednesday to hear it from me and you know what. Of course I want to win lots of money of course I want to sit in the adult if I do want to say in the Bahamas actually I want to take my daughter first class. That’s what I want to do on a taker on a plane first class on holiday. She said she wants to go to Vegas because we love Vegas. That’s what my dream is. So don’t get me wrong I want to earn money to do that. However, someone went to the effort to e-mail me back and tell me that they look forward to getting my emails and how special they were and kind of how pleased they were that I was in their life is just honestly the most amazing thing ever. So look for those things look for those things in your business the comments the testimonials. And it doesn’t have to be a big structured testimony you just need someone say thank you. That was awesome. Or that was brilliant that you did that. Or look for those extra followers and love them. Look for those people that D.M. or share your podcast episodes. Again I appreciate every single teeny tiny thing that happens because they are all good and they are all collectively building to much bigger things.

 

So don’t be hard on yourself and definitely don’t dismiss those wins no matter how small you think they are and how big someone else’s might be there still winds and you should still be really really positive about them okay. The next thing that I would urge you to do that’s helped me is spend at least one hour a day on your business not in the business again. That is a cliché. Instagram quote there. But actually spending time on your business driving it forward doing something every single day is so very important because then you feel like you’re achieving something. And you know what if you haven’t got that hour in the day if your day is jam packed and I know what it’s like I’ve been up since five thirty this morning I get up I do my morning routine I get showered. My daughter I get my daughter up I get out of school. I do the breakfast. We do the school run. We then come back at idea. I might then start my day at sort of half past eight or whatever and I pretty much can work straight through until literally the time I got to pick her up again. And then of course your evening starts again and you’re doing all those things and homework and dinner and I get it and I know we all have our own different challenges our own routines that cause us to have no time in our days. I know that. But actually there’s a couple of things that really called me out. Like on one of the conferences and a current member he said it I want to say it was Brendan Bishop. I can’t think he actually said if you had take him back all the time you’d ever spend messing around on social media which is a good point because I do like to watch against a story and obviously my job is a lot to do with social media but I still look at it as a personal thing. He said if you took all that time back how much time would you have. And it’s like oh my word for real. I would have so much time. The other thing you said and don’t get me wrong we only in time. Oh no it wasn’t him is Gary Vaynerchuk. I remember hearing him talk once and he said someone says I haven’t got any time. And then I say what series you’re watching on Netflix at the moment or how is Game of Thrones or whatever. He says you have got time is just priorities. It’s just basically what do you want to do now compared to what do you want to do most. So if you want to if I want to take my daughter first class on a plane then actually I might have to sacrifice some of those smaller things. And you know what I’m not saying you have to do that. Please don’t think I’m sitting here saying you know you got to work every hour God sends. That’s not what I’m saying at all. You’ve got to do what’s right for you. Absolutely. If if that’s what you want, then do it.

 

If it’s not then that’s not for you but for me actually I could probably forgo a couple of Netflix series or I could probably forgo spending an hour on Instagram looking at stories when I could actually sending an hour planning my upcoming membership or creating some content or coming up with ideas for some content or whatever it might be.

 

But spending just one hour a day making sure whatever that big goal is you’re doing is that even again if it’s the tiniest that at least you’re going forward but making that promise to yourself that you’re going to keep doing that that you’re going to be pushing forward.

 

So for me like I said I do get up quite early or now I’m back in a routine. I do get up quite early but I try and do my hour or I try and work on my business first thing. Now I’m not great at this I’m not sitting here saying I’ve got it absolutely nailed because I happen I try right. Let me tell you what you should do actually that then what I do. So really what I should do is I should start working on it straight away. First task I do but I don’t even have my emails. I don’t open social media. I don’t look at anything other than working on the thing that I want to work on. In reality that’s not the case because I am one of those people that does check their phone immediately I do go through my emails. I have a horrible obsession and DMs and let me know if you have one of these two. I don’t like numbers on my phone or...

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