Join Jenny in this episode of  Diary of a Recovering People Pleaseras she challenges the traditional concept of goal-setting, sharing personal stories of her career path and experiences with goal manifestation. She talks about the importance of being open to new ideas, opportunities, and experience that can inevitably lead to a shift (or ditching) of goals.

Jenny invites you to consider a different perspective on achieving goals by loosening the reins and embracing the unpredictability of life's journey. What are you missing out on because you have tunnel vision about how the goal is supposed to unfold? 

How you view goals has a direct impact on your people pleaser healing journey Learn how this mindset shift can aid in healing people-pleasing tendencies and lead to a more fulfilling, present-focused life.

Want to be a guest on the show? Email Jenny: info@meditatewithjenny.com

• Work with Jenny - Book 1:1 Reiki or psychic channeled reading sessions. Offered virtually or in person in Buffalo, NY. Jenny also offers Reiki certification classes!

Copyright 2024 Jenny Leckey LLC

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Question for you.

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Are you a chronic goal setter?

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Do you constantly make to do lists

and then you forget you make the list

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or you barely get through the list

and then you feel shame because you

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didn't finish your random list that

you made that's supposedly going to

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push you faster towards your goals?

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Hi.

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You're just like me.

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Welcome to the club.

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There's a point and a purpose for

making lists and having goals.

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I get that- there's a specific reason and

some purposes that are great for that.

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But I would like to argue that

goals actually hold you back.

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All right, stay with me here.

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To me, having a goal actually limits

the capacity and the ability to

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bring into your life things that you

don't even know exist are out there.

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When you set goals, you're basing them

on what your brain can comprehend.

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Essentially, you're basing

it on past experiences.

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The information that your brain

has gathered from past experiences.

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Where there could be opportunities out

there that you don't even know exist yet.

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There could be jobs, places to visit,

people to meet, experiences to be had that

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you don't even know are out there yet.

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So when you set a goal, you're

actually limiting the capacity

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for yourself to access greater

and larger things for your life.

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Now, I get you should have goals in

the sense that it gives you some sort

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of purpose, or maybe you have this

dream that's resonating within you

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now, but this is a call for you to

maybe loosen the reins on what the

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end product of that goal looks like.

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Just a little bit.

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Loosen the perfectionism that

you are expecting of yourself

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in that day to day life.

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Because when you have those reins

tightened, it gives you a sort of

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tunnel vision, and you might be

missing out on a nudge, a wink from

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the universe, a random happenstance

meeting, which is really not random.

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You might be missing out on

a conversation with someone.

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You might be missing out on a

random billboard that you see

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driving on a different road.

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It could be anything that is meant to

cross your path to actually trigger a new

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side quest, if you will, of your path.

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And that might lead you to learning

more information and wanting to

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expand and grow your original goal.

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So don't throw goals out the window, but

also don't have that be your holy ground.

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Now, I know some of you are going to push

against this and say, you should have

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goals, you should be disciplined, and you

should grind, and you should give it your

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all, and I get that, you know, I get it.

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Like, if that works for

you, I suppose that's good.

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Uh, I'm just asking for you to

take a second and maybe look at

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it from a different perspective.

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I am saying all this from a

recovering goal setter mindset.

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I lived my life through goals.

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I mean I manifested them through, I tried

vision boards and that sort of thing,

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but I was very meticulous and particular.

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Down to the point of, I remember when

I was graduating college with my

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broadcasting degree, I literally said I

was going to be promotions director for

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two years, and then I was going to be a

marketing event person from that space.

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And I literally manifested that , I

was promotions for two years.

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And I literally manifested

that marketing event job.

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It didn't even exist at

the company I worked at.

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And wouldn't you know, two years

to the month I got that job.

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So having that vision was great.

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I get it, having that goal.

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But did I sit there every day And

have this meticulous list of, I better

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talk to these people, I better do

X, Y, and Z, I need to blah, blah,

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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, to build

this for my resume, and digit, no.

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Like, I just went with naturally

what was brought to me.

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Opportunities were brought to me to

highlight some of my skills, to actually

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find out new skills I didn't know I had.

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And from there, I was presented

to, I guess, the higher ups, right?

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They saw my abilities, I had

skillset that met a need that

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they had, and it fell into place.

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I could not have planned how it unfolded,

and I think that's the key here, is

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trying to control how things unfold

is half the cause of your anxiety.

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Whereas if you loosen the reins,

if you let go of the oars and just

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let yourself float downstream in

the river of life, you'll find

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that the river knows where to go.

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You don't have to control it.

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You have to trust and have faith in

it, but you don't have to control it.

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You do have to take action.

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You don't just sit in the boat like a

lump of logs and flop around, right?

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You do have to keep the boat

balanced and you do have to stay

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aware of your surroundings so

you don't miss opportunities.

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Of course, you need that.

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But you don't have to be so rigid in

your expectations and you don't have

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to have a clear visualized step by

step guide of how you're gonna make

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it to the top and meet your goal.

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Because your little mind doesn't

know what it doesn't know.

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There are pieces of your life, there

are events, people, places, things

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that it can't even comprehend yet

that are going to randomly cross

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your path and change it forever.

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Why am I rambling all about this?

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This has been more about careers and such,

but it applies to your healing journey.

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You don't have to control

what the outcome is.

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With people pleasing, shouldn't you

judge it more about how you want to feel?

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How you want to navigate through life?

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That you want to feel safe and secure?

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You want to feel more aligned

with who you really are?

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You want to feel free in

expressing yourself and truly

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being your authentic self.

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Setting this goal of, I'M NOT

GONNA BE A PEOPLE PLEASER ANYMORE,

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THIS IS MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION,

eh, that doesn't work for me.

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I think there's a better way.

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I think it's tapping into the here

and now moment, and finding, What you

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like and you don't like, what comes

to the surface that you're like, I

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don't want this in my life anymore.

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And then figuring out what you

can do about it moment by moment.

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Those little choices.

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They seem very simple, but it's

so interesting how hard they can

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be to integrate into your life.

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So take it one little thing at a time.

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I'm doing that right now

with my Ayurveda coach.

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it's been interesting how hard it

is just to add these little five,

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ten, fifteen minute habits into

my day because the brain resists.

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Being open to different ways of

approaching that is how you're

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going to meet your goal, quote

unquote, more successfully.

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You're going to discover along

the way that it's okay for your

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goal to shift as you change.

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Because the goal that you set is

from the mindset and the energy and

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the perspective of who you are now.

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But as you grow and change, which

we all inevitably do, you, now,

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is going to be different from you.

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Even a week, two weeks,

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four months from now.

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That person, that version of you that's

done the work, has done some healing and

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growth, might look at that goal and say,

eh, that doesn't resonate with me as much.

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I think I might want to tweak

this part and I want to kind

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of ditch this other part.

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I kind of think I just want

to go general with this.

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Doing that will clear up a lot

of mental stress, mental strain.

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Instead, we'll let you live in the

moment and experience the unfolding

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of the path towards your goals.

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I think this is the part that people

miss is not fully experiencing and

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celebrating and just basking in the

unfolding of the path towards your goals.

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Many of us are so focused on the end

goal, the completion, that we forget

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that life is happening right now and

the bigger thing to celebrate is the

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process, the day to day, moment by

moment experience of it unfolding.

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The magic that happens as

everything falls into place for you.

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An example would be this podcast.

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The end goal is obviously publishing an

episode, and getting people to listen to

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it, and the fun interaction, and seeing

how it helps people, yadda yadda yadda.

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If all I focus on is, ah, gotta get

it done, gotta get it edited, gotta

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get it online, uh, uh, uh, and don't

actually enjoy this moment as I'm

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sitting here musing about it, if I

don't enjoy this moment The process of

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editing, which I actually really like.

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If I don't really sit in awe of how

cool it is that something came from my

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brain will now be out in the world.

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If I don't live in those moments and then

move ahead to the next episode and don't

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even appreciate all that went into it.

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Then what's the freaking point?

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What is the point?

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There is no point in my opinion.

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It's about these individual moments,

these different stages, and these

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different phases along the way, and

the moment, by moment, by moment.

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That's what life is.

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Not the end goal.

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It's the path that gets you there.

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I leave you with this final thought.

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What are some things that you can

remove from your to do list today?

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And, what are some goals that maybe

you can loosen the reins on, maybe

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you can broaden a little bit, back

off on the specificity a little bit,

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and have a little more fun with?

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What are some goals that

maybe you can get rid of?

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Or, you can breathe a little fresh

life into and get re excited about.

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Or, do you maybe want to consider

not having any goals for a little

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while and see how that feels?

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I'm curious to see how

this unfolds for you.

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Give it a try.

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Try just being in the moment and being in

awe as the little things start to fill in.

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They fill in the bricks of your path

that lay ahead and see what unfolds.

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See what comes to you that

you could never have imagined.

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And most of all, freaking enjoy it.