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Be Your Best Neurospicy Self with Holistic Healer Mia Love
Episode 11 • 10th October 2024 • Spark Launch: Neurodiversity Ignited • SparkLaunch.org
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Mike and Chaya welcome Mia Love, a holistic health practitioner and dedicated neurodiversity advocate, to discuss how she promotes harmony between traditional western medical practices and holistic healing to foster greater self-efficacy She also details her journey from years of misdiagnosis to neurodivergent realization.

We Also Cover:

  • Societal Pressure to Conform
  • Managing Emotional Dysregulation
  • Social Overwhelm
  • Setting Internal and External Boundaries
  • Community Stigma
  • Honoring Personal Needs
  • Emotional Toll of Masking
  • Access Barriers to Treatment

Quotes:

  • "Figure out what things really matter. Figure out what things feel good to you. Figure out the people that feel good for you to be around and and trust."
  • "How they heal, how they transmute, transform within themselves is up to them... we have no place to make that all a judgment."
  • "Love is the ultimate goal and it’s amazing how many of our problems just go away."
  • "I unapologetically lived who I am out loud."

About Mia Love:

With over 25 years as a facilities professional in higher education at Stanford University, Mia’s passion lies in neurodiversity initiatives. She deeply understands neurodivergent thinking and AuDHD, creating inclusive and supportive environments. Her decade-long experience as a Holistic Health Practitioner fosters both academic success and holistic growth. As a TEDx and keynote speaker, Mia advocates for the Neuro-Spicy community. Through her entrepreneurial venture, Real Freedom With Love, she empowers professionals with practices like Reiki and energetic healing, combating imposter syndrome and promoting balance. Her 15+ years in hospitality highlight her ability to connect and uplift.

Connect with Mia:

As always, thanks for lending us your ears and keep igniting that spark!

Stay Connected:

Transcripts

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You've landed at Spark Launch, the guide star for embracing what it means to be neurodiverse.

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I'm Mike Cornell joined by CEO of Spark Launch,

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Chaya Mallavaram.

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Here, we navigate mental health triumphs and tribulations from all across the spectrum, charting a course to the shared experiences that unite us and discovering how to embody the unique strengths within neurodivergent and neurotypical

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alike, igniting your spark and launching it into a better tomorrow.

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Hello there. I'm Mike. I'm Chaya.

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And today, we have the pleasure of speaking with Mia Love, a passionate advocate for neurodiversity and holistic healing. With over 25 years of experience in higher education and nearly a decade as a holistic health practitioner, Mia has dedicated her career to creating inclusive and supportive environments. She is the founder of Real Freedom With Love, where she empowers high potential professionals through transformative practices.

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And as a TEDx and keynote speaker, Mia continues to champion the well-being of the neurospicy community and their allies. Welcome, Mia. Thank you. Thank you. I'm super excited to be here. Thank you both. So, Mia, when I read holistic healer,

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that really caught my attention because I consider myself a holistic healer

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as well, but you're doing it professionally.

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So tell us about how you got about doing that. You know, my journey through holistic health was really just trying to find

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the missing piece for myself. I had gone through a lot of formal education

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but was not

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finding

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purpose. And, you know, I grew up in

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a religious

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household, so to speak. I went to Christian school and primary school and things like that. And so while I found systems and I found

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things that you could plug into, I still kept searching for something more. And

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I came to realize after a misdiagnosis

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that I was actually, that I have autism and ADHD. And when I got that, I was first misdiagnosed

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with anxiety and depression. And so through that journey of kind of self discovery, I realized

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that I was actually thankful to have that diagnosis. I mean, I know that sounds interesting and odd, but I was actually very thankful

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to get that diagnosis because it unlocked the fact that there was something else going on there and that there was something else that I could be searching for. So that led me down this path. That'd be a Reiki 3, Reiki practitioner.

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I went

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to Machu Picchu. I had the opportunity to study with shamans there and just other places around the world to really be able to plug it into

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the holistic health and wellness that I needed. Yeah. You brought about the importance of diagnosis,

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right? Because that's really it's a gift. Thank God for the people who've done the research

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and identified these set of characteristics

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and group them and said, okay, people who have these characteristics

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are most likely ADHD. And then and then the other characteristics,

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autism and some of them even have both. I think I think it's a large number that have have both a large percentage.

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And that's why it baffles me that there's stigma

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around it and people don't want to attach to that label. And I proudly attach to the label and so do you. Because it's a set of characteristics.

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Of course, there's nothing wrong with that brain. There's it's not a disorder, but

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but just getting that diagnosis

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is is powerful.

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It's powerful. It's freeing. And honestly,

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the more research that I did, the more I was so excited that we have this amazing community. Right? Like you said, there are stigmas, especially

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in, you know, ethnic minority communities. There's always someone trying to assign blame or trying to say, no, it can't be this. And there were so many times that I heard, oh, you're so well spoken. You can't possibly be autistic. You don't look autistic, which is one of the most infuriating things that someone can say. And when you start to think about all of the amazing people in the world that are neurodiverse,

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it's like, I I feel like I'm a proud card carrying member of team neurospicy,

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you know. But it really is just breaking down those stigmas. But even more importantly,

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people being allowed to get a diagnosis. Because so many insurance plans don't even cover what it takes for you to get the testing, testing, let alone to get a diagnosis. And then if you choose to go a route of medication, that's a completely different thing that's not covered. So I feel like those of us that have figured it out, owe it to the rest of the community that is still trying to find their footing,

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trying to embrace it, and to show the, you know, the Will. I. Am's, the Solange Knowles, the Simone Biles, like all the other people that have proudly said, I am a member of Team NeuroSpicy, and look at me, I'm successful. Because that allows those of us that are not in the mainstream, and that don't have those platforms to say, hey, listen, there's an entire world surviving and thriving,

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you know, in a place where holistic health and wellness

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partners with whatever,

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you know, Western medicine gives you for you to be able to, like I said, not just survive, but to thrive in your life. Yeah. I only wish holistic

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healing was mainstream. I was just telling Mike before we started the show that if we did have it as mainstream,

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a lot of problems wouldn't exist, right? It's still it's still on the back roads. You don't find these people

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out there

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around the corner, but somewhere. They are somewhere hidden, and you have to go find them. That is so sad. It really is. And, you know, like I said, I wholeheartedly believe that there is a place for Western medicine in society. But I think that there has to be that intersection between the 2. I was at an appointment with a family member yesterday,

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and she received a pretty

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significant

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diagnosis and prognosis.

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And we kept pushing the envelope of, Okay, so we understand what you're saying, but there are some holistic practices that we'd like to be able to bring into that. And we were kind of pushing on the doctor to say, Okay, how do you feel about that? And he said, well, if you wanna go live the holistic route, I'll still see you. But he wasn't willing to lend his support

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to that avenue

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of practitioners,

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you know. And so it's it's like you said, it's very sad because

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the western medicine side of things, you know. And like, I tell people all the time, even as a holistic health practitioner myself, if I were to break a bone, I don't want you to do Reiki on me. I will I obviously want the support on the pain management side of things. But in that regard, I want to go to the hospital because I will likely need a

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cath. Now of course, I want you to hold space and you know, healing and things like that. And as we go through whatever medication support is needed, perhaps there's a way to do some pain management

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with holistic health and wellness. But there has to be the intersection of the 2 and that's what people are missing. What we were looking for this practitioner to say is, yes, of course, absolutely.

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We want you to have your mantras. We want you to have your healing crystals. We want you to have your family around to be able to support you. We want you to have those mindset hacks that allow you to be able to be present in the space, if you do decide to go down this very aggressive treatment route. But it's it, you know, it just doesn't happen. And I understand regulatory agencies, and I understand

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the science behind them needing to protect the brands, and to be able to only speak on what they can prove. But you can it's undeniable

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that holistic health and wellness

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catapult the success rates, and catapult the the quality of life that people that are receiving

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Western medicine care, it's it's undeniable that it has an impact. And even people that have not ever been to a hospital, obviously, they are surviving and thriving

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because of a lot of holistic health practices.

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That's just the reality of the situation. And so, you know, to your point, Chaya, it's just so unfortunate that those types of things are not discussed. Yeah. And especially if you look at Reiki, right, or even crystals, working with crystals, it's all energy work, and you're not even ingesting anything into your body.

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Okay? And and it's just so amazing when people understand energies and how you can transform them within

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your body

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and and with love, because I think that's the ultimate goal of life. It's amazing that how a lot of our problems just go away.

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Absolutely.

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I mean, just, you know, something as simple as, you know, a lot of people embrace,

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like I said, religion or spirituality. And whatever your choice is, is completely fine. But having your mala beads and going around your 108 beads to say, you know, what your intentions are for the day and saying a prayer, they're very much one and the same. And so there should not be this stigma behind saying one is right and one is wrong. Right? Because you're essentially

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exuding the same practices. Like you said, you're calling them an energy. Like, I have my mala beads right here on my desk. Right? So if I take my mala beads and I go around my 108, it's the same thing as someone that is, you know, saying their prayers with their rosary. So they should not be like, oh, you're right and I'm wrong. It's just what practices you embrace. And as long as you're doing things that is not hurting yourself or hurting someone else, and you're working towards the greater good, there should be this intersection and not this divisiveness.

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Right. And and we have no right to make a comment on somebody else's healing. How they heal, how they

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transmute,

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transform within themselves

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is up to them. And as you said, as long as they're not harming themselves or others, it should not matter, and we have no place to make that all a judgment.

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And yeah. So how do you see yourself using that in the future?

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You know, just continuing to be an advocate. It's something that I'm not gonna stop talking about because I do have a full understanding of both. Like I said, I I grew up, you know, going to church. I went to a Christian school,

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but in my own right and my own volition as an adult, I knew that there was something more. You can't say that one is right and one is wrong. And I've gone to so many different denominations, and I have friends of all different belief systems in all different states. I mean, I have friends that are Jehovah's Witnesses. I have friends that are Catholic, friends that are Baptist. And I'm like, you know what? I want to go to your congregation, because I want to understand

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what you believe, so that I can better support you. And so that I don't have as many questions.

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No one

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I think no one says, I want to believe something that's wrong and fully condemn what you're believing if they had a true understanding that we don't have to say you are right and I'm wrong. I think that people are indoctrinated into things because that's their actual lived experience. But I think that if people were more expansive

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in their mind,

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and there was this embracing of cognitive diversity

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that we need, not only within the, you know, neurodiverse and neurotypical communities, but just in the world in general, there would be so much more understanding. There doesn't have to be a right box and a wrong box. There has to be a box of differences that people have to wholly embrace. So

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that's my thing. That's my advocacy,

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understanding,

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compassion,

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openness,

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and just diversity of thought and acceptance.

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And especially

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activating your intuition. There's no other actors

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out there, especially with Western medicine,

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that will

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that works on activating

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and honing in your intuition.

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And so I'm very grateful

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to have learned, and and I continuously

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practice that. Absolutely.

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Yeah. Within the neurotypical

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and neurodiverse community, especially, I mean, there is this

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there is a lot of opportunity. I will say a lot of opportunity, because people are so afraid to even get a 504 plan for their kids, or to get an IEP for their kids. Because they feel like, oh my gosh, my child is going to be looked upon as someone that's less than or someone that is not capable of doing things. And so that's another reason why I speak so openly and so vehemently about neurodiversity

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because you have to understand that just because I think of things in a different way, it's not wrong. We may arrive at the same conclusions, but we're going to get there in a different way. Some people can go into, you know, a thought process, and they'll go from a

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a to s to p to d, and then back to I, and then to j, and then but we come to the same conclusion.

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It doesn't have to be your way as long as we get to the the general outcome. And also, if people understand where their strengths are, like I'm on a team at my corporate job. I'm on a team of 4 people. We have 4 different skill sets. We have now been together for a little over a year, and now we're able to say, okay, you are very good at this. You're very good at this. You're good at this, and I'm good at this. And there are certain things that I have very openly said, if you open a database, my eyes are going to close. It's the words just scramble around on the screen. That is not my thing. However, what I can do is I can take the piece of paper and spread it out over this and I can write all the emails that everyone needs to write. And one of our leaders and I, we joke around all all the time because he's an engineer and he's like, I would rather do all the databases. And I'm like, I would rather write all of your emails. And he goes, oh my gosh, I can't write an email. I'm like, I can do that in my sleep. I can, you know, with words, I can organize them on a screen and spit it out. No problem. But as soon as you say, oh, let's look at these numbers. I'm like, I'm done.

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Can I just can I just write a story for you? And then you interpret that and put it into, you know, what you need it to be. And so I think if people understand different is not wrong, different is better and that's what makes the world go round. If everyone was the same, we would live in a very boring place. You know, even if households were the same, if my sister and I were exactly the same, that would be really boring. My parents joke around all the time about, you know, she's very organized and methodical and she, and I'm like, let's do this. You know,

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That's what that's what brings the variation and the fun into our family.

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Yeah. Normal has become such a dogma to society. You know? I humanity itself kind of has a way of turning everything into a dogma. I think it's kind of misconstrued that it's just religion that becomes comes those kind of structures, but we have a way of I mean, jobs become dogma and, you know, the way corporations run just small communities and the way you're supposed to act within them become dogmas, and the disrespect

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to acting outside of that or even acknowledging that something outside of that dogma

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is just as valid as the thing you have a strong belief in, and that's where you go back to there needing to be a intersection between

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all modalities

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of healing. Some people will get confused because I like, well, take medication. Also, I'll meditate, and people don't quite get how like those. How do you do like, why both those things? Like, because they both work for me. You know,

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it's very simple. It's whatever you find inner strength

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and inner power from and I've always been big on that. I don't like whenever

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outside forces take away inner strength and ability from the individual and they should have the power to choose and also find what comforts them. You know, that's what the power of everything is. It's just when you feel that it works in total absolutes,

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that's when you start

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turning down what the people who are different can actually bring to the conversation

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and bring to the betterment of the world in general. Absolutely. I I agree with you 1,000%.

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These absolutes are what drive me bananas because people are saying, oh, if you're doing that, you can't possibly do this. Why? If I have access to both, I should be able to do both. I should be able to take my medication

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and have on, you know, 528

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hertz in the background while I'm taking it at the same time. And I should be able to meditate while I wait for the medication to kick in. I mean, that's just right. I mean, you should be able to do what makes you comfortable.

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And yeah, you're absolutely right. There is no normal. I actually spoke about that recently

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in a meeting and I was telling people, you know, the the fact that you that people were saying during worldwide cooties, let's get back to normal. I'm like, please let's not ever go back to that again. Let's remain in a place, you know, obviously, I don't want worldwide cooties again, but let's never go back to a place where everyone has to show up at a building because that's how you get credit for doing your job. Let's never go back to a place where you are assigned

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a way that you operate in things. What that time to ourselves gave us is people to be able to say, you know what? This is what I like doing on a day to day basis. And this is how I like doing it. And oh, by the way, I am also able to accomplish what you, my job want me to do while I do things in my house for myself and for my family. Oh, and by the way, I thought of some other creative ways to operate these other things that you've never thought of. And so I don't ever want to go back to that cookie cutter assignment of

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life as it was designed by other people. I think that that expansive

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time

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gave us the opportunity

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to rip the lid off the box, to throw the box away, and to redesign the way that we operate. So I agree with you 11000000%,

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Mike. That's that is something that we have to get away from. Stop calling things normal or abnormal or, you know, even the word disorder. I, you know, neuro

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typical people say, oh, I'm normal and you have this disorder. Well, this is actually a gift. I mean, the fact that you, you know, I'm sitting there and talking to someone and it took them 15 minutes to describe something that I resolved in my head 5 minutes ago in the last 10 minutes. I'm going, alright, what am I gonna get from Trader Joe's today? Okay. Let's see. And then we're gonna do dinner and then they're done and I'm like, okay, I'm still here. You know, and it's not to say that that person is less intelligent because there are some things that they can do very well. But this quote unquote disorder that I have allows me to process thoughts

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much faster and get to the end of what you're still trying to put together. So I don't know if that's what you call a disorder, then I will take it.

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The entire concept of weird to me comes from just the fact that neurodiversity

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in general wasn't properly understood until

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recent really recently. So going back, so if you just go through history I'm like a history nerd like I am, you go through and look at so many figures that are considered weird or as just oddities and you go like, oh, well now we understand where it what like what that would be and so much of like what the definition is.

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When it comes down to is I like you said the term disorder for autism spectrum disorder and all that, not to say it can't be disabling of course, but

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disorder means that I don't feel like my life is in disorder

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or my brain is in disorder. It functions in a vastly different way

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than some other people. That does not make that's why even the term neurotypical,

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I'm not I've been kind of slowly moving away from it. I like holistic a lot more just because that feels a little bit more encompassing and it because you get stuck on like that word typical because it makes it seem like, well, we're the outliers

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when we're not. You know, it's just we are an equal section of the population,

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and we have really been victimized

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for that and treated very poorly. I was having a conversation a few months ago with somebody, and we were talking about how

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autistic just

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we were just talking about media. And, like, movies in the early 2000s,

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autistic

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was pretty much became the new word because they couldn't say, apologies for saying this, retarded anymore. So they just started saying autistic as if that was somehow better and also perpetuated a stereotype that autism was also a learning disability. And we are still dealing with that. Like you said, you hear people are autistic or have ADHD.

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We learned on a previous episode that in Germany, you can't get diagnosed ADHD if you graduate

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high school. So there's such horrible, like, misunderstood

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correlation

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between a neurodivergent

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brain, which just merely functions in a different manner than an allistic brain. Absolutely. That that's a great point. And I will actually I I

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once I wrote that down because I really wanna embrace utilizing the term allistic as well. Because the typical

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piece to it, it's like typical for who, you know? And

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yes, it can be, you know, neurodiversity

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can be

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disabling because the world was not designed to include our

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frame of thought and the way that we operate. Overstimulation

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happens because only one

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cross section of people design the way that things happen. You know, I talk about the lights that they put in the offices and the the white noise and the pink noise technology, and people are like, oh, this is amazing. And I'm like, no, it's actually extremely loud and distracting, but you didn't ask us. You didn't bring a a group of, you know,

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individuals who whose brain operate on a different frequency to say, is this all encompassing? Does everyone like this? Whoever was in the room, they were like, that's amazing. And then everybody else got bright lights and buzzing sounds and things like that. And they're like, the office is perfect. So I I definitely want to embrace that terminology and help bring that to the forefront of the way that people think and take typical and take normal and take all of those words and and help, you know, move those away from the standard vocabulary that's used. But thank you. So the challenges

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that neurodivergent

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will face are real. Right? So I wanna acknowledge that. And you've talked about anxiety and depression

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as well, Mia. And I had severe anxiety,

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but I've learned to overcome

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fear to a point that I keep saying I'm fearless.

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So the challenges are real, but also we all have our unique strengths and gifts.

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Right? But nobody

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told me at least to to figure out my gifts and strengths. But I somehow did it following my intuition, which I didn't know it was called intuition back then. It just felt right. And something in my body told me go for it, and I just did. And I embraced my risk taking behavior in a healthy way. But I wish I wish this was actually

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taught in school

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to to find

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to embrace my risk taking behavior in a healthy way and just listen to my body, how I feel about a person

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or a thing or a job,

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and and just go for it and just go for it and trust. But I figured it out on my own. It took me a couple of decades,

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but it's okay. I have arrived. And I wish the children

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are taught that early on. Definitely.

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You know, it would be so freeing for people to not have to feel arrested in their spirit or to be able to feel like you are an outlier or there's something wrong with you because

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you have this this

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beyond a gut feeling, because you have this understanding, and because you're not a part of the quote unquote lesson plan as a child. I can remember

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sitting there and people talking about things, and I'm like, that doesn't make sense to me, but I'm the only person probably that doesn't make sense to you. So I'm just going to be quiet, or people wanting to do things. And I'm like, I really don't want to do that. I remember there was this game

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that we used to play, and

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they they would use the basketball

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and pretend like it was something else. And I just couldn't wrap my brain around pretending it was anything other than a basketball. I'm like, it's a basket. Like, I don't even want but I didn't want to be the outcast, so I would go along with the game. But the whole time, I'm kind of irritated, like, it's a basketball. You know, so

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that masking

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at such an early age is exhausting,

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or trying to pretend like I get a joke that I don't really get, or trying to not say what is on the tip of my tongue because I'm afraid that someone else is gonna think I'm weird because I said it or people are going, oh my gosh, I can't believe you just, you know, if I did blurt it out, oh my gosh, I can't believe you just said that. And I'm like, I can't believe you didn't say it. You know, so it's just like you

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said, those types of things become programmed into who we are at such a young age that by the time you get to adulthood, it's like, oh my gosh, I'm so tired on one hand. But on the other hand, we become so used to masking

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that you end up getting in these situations,

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you know, friendships, relationships,

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works, things that are truly not expressive of who you are. Because a good portion of your life, or at least a good portion of my life, I was practicing

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trying to fit in. And then when I finally said, I can't do this anymore. I'm done. And that was after I got the misdiagnosis,

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it was like such a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I'm like, wow, this is what it feels like to live my authentic self. And then I started finding this community and people were like, Oh, I never knew these things about you. I'm like, Yeah, me either. But guess what? I have so much more to tell you. So it's just, it's amazing to be able to, you know, connect with the 2 of you and other people in the community that are celebrating

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us being our authentic selves and no longer having to feel like, oh, I need to make sure my posture is right. Am I making the right eye contact? Am I listening to what you're saying? Is this right? You know, sometimes I just go, I'm sorry. I'm I'm I'm lost in this conversation,

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or, you know, I had a a friend the other day, we went to an event, and I chose to take the train to where we're going. It was like an hour and somewhat train ride, and a friend said, oh, you know, I'll give you a ride back. And I was like, no. No. Thank you. I'll take the train. And I understood they were trying to be polite. And I finally just came right out and said, I don't wanna talk to people anymore. But I I was peopled out for the I wanted to just put my headphones on and sit on the train because I was truly

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tired of talking to people and it wasn't against I dearly loved the people that I was around, but I didn't wanna talk anymore. And I had to just the old me would have just said, okay, I'll take the ride. And I would have sat in the back of the car going, oh, I wish I was on the train, and I would have beat myself up. Like, why didn't you just get on the train? But the new me is like, nope. Tired of talking. Wanna take the train. Wanna put my headphones on. I raced to that single chair on the Amtrak where no one sits next to you. And I put the tray up and put my, you know, my phone down and put my headphones on. I wasn't even listening to anything. I just didn't want anybody to try to talk to me in the train. So it's just, like I said, something as simple as that, just being able to

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be my authentic self and say, thank you, but no thank you. I am done talking for the day. And, you know, being able to do that is just extremely freeing. You talked about outcast

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and out of box thinking, and that's that was me up until I started Spark Launch

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because I had all of these, but, wait, I have an idea or in anything that popped up, but I just kept it within myself. Right? Because I'm like, what? This is so different. It's so different. How can I even say it? And even the people pleasing.

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Right?

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I that also hurt me because that stopped my voice. But just being able to say

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no and honoring ourselves

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is totally fine.

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It's actually

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empowering, and it helps us be our authentic selves.

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And it's beautiful. So I think we should be able to do it more and more and not overthink.

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Just say it. If it feels right, if it feels good to our heart, just do it. Say it. Absolutely. I I love that. I'm and I'm so

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open to honoring people's no. I think for a long time, I felt guilty about saying no, because I always felt like I wanted to be supportive of

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everyone. And then at one point, I was like, some of these people would not support me in the same way. And I didn't want it to become something that was punitive or like, you know, I'm keeping score, but I what I realized is no, I'm honoring myself. Like, figure out what things really matter. Figure out what things feel good to you. Figure out the people that feel good to you to be around and trust

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that, that sense inside of you, where if you're forcing yourself to do something or you're forcing yourself to show up somewhere, or even after I get there, if I decide I want to leave, I'm leaving. You know, and

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one of the things that I've started doing now is I don't feel like I have to go around the room and say,

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you know, goodbye to everyone. See you later. When I'm ready to go, I just go. Like I showed up, I am up to here with simulation

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and I'll just

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exit. Like, had a great time. Oh, and I'll look around and I'm like, well, I spoke to everybody that I need to speak to. And that to me is so it helps me not have to just, you know, come home and just

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scroll, you know, sink into my bed and stay there for so long just to get my energy levels back up to be able to reenter life. I have to save a little bit for myself when I get home. Don't get me wrong. I still have the doom piles of laundry and things like that that I'm like, I'm gonna get to you. I see you and I know you see me, but at least I still have a little something left for myself and I go to just give it all to experiences

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that are not completely honoring who I am. And then I'll get into the body doubling and call someone on the phone so that I can start folding those clothes that have been staring at me for a couple days. But, yeah, I unapologetically

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lived who I am out loud. Setting self boundaries. Like, you don't just set boundaries, like, with other people. Really setting some self boundaries is kind of setting boundaries with other people as well. But, yeah,

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like, setting yourself up to go, I don't want to do that or I can't do that right now, you know, there's no there's no harm and it's a misunderstanding that saying you can't do something is necessarily always a negative. It's

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no. There's more to that sentence than I can't do this thing. I can't do this thing because,

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you know, I there's lots of stuff I can't necessarily do all the time because there's sensory overwhelm, because there's lighting problems, or the place is too loud. And I would be terrified of being rude because, honestly, a lot of extended family treated me that way because not knowing I was even neurodivergent

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is I would just want to go in the corner and I would wanna talk to anybody or I would just want to leave. And now I understand, like, friends, a little bit of it was because of how they were treating me, but also because it was just I I remember I would always complain, like, it's just so noisy. And everyone would think I was weird but it's like, it's just so noisy there, like, they're all talking at once and it's just like there's a restaurant I like but it used to be a Pizza Hut and they when they converted it into like a normal restaurant they didn't like, soundproof anything.

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So you go in there, if there's, like, 2 other people in there, it sounds like a full restaurant. Like, the sound just bounces around and it is a cacophony and it's just hell. Like, I hate I love it, but I hate going in there at the same time. And you have to, like, kind of, like, give yourself a little bit of grace to go, like, hey, it's I it's okay that I have to maybe not partake in something. There are things in in life I have passed up because I had to recognize

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like I have to create this boundary with myself because it's going to create a problem down the line. 100%.

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That is so true and I'm so glad that you are honoring that with yourself. You know, there are places

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likewise, that I enjoy the food from, but I will get it to go just because I can't handle and I choose not to

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put myself through

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all the additional noise. Friends and family now understand

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misophonia.

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The disturbance that comes with people chewing in my ears or drinking or slurping. I have I have a very a person that's very dear to me that is that lives in another country, so we talk a lot on WhatsApp. As soon as the conversation starts, I'm like, no, no, no. Let's switch to Zoom because the noise canceling that comes in on Zoom, you know, he can crunch

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and wrestle paper and walk around and do all kinds of other stuff that I don't get. But if we're talking on WhatsApp, I'm like, oh my gosh, what are you doing? I'm just grinding pepper. I'm like, it sounds really loud or just, you know, the the clicking of the pen, it drops. I'm like, what are you do? I'm clicking my I'm like, nope. Nope. Nope. We have to talk on Zoom. So it's just those small adjustments that we can make to life, make it so much easier. And I you know, like you said, just honoring that within yourself going, no, I'm not doing that. I I experienced the same thing where people have said, you're so rude. And I'm like, am I rude? No. I'm not rude. I'm just advocating for myself. I'm just speaking up for myself. I'm just no longer accepting

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you putting a label on me or making me feel like I have to act a certain way. I don't wanna do this and y'all are talking really loud. The music is too loud. So you know what? I, I'm glad that you enjoy it but I'm leaving. Enjoy yourself. And it's one of and not to be like a super extreme about it but, you know, if someone had horrible disease and could only handle, you know, engagements for so long because physically tired or worn out or the disease flared up or something, no one would say they were rude because they were they were leaving. It's only us that gets treated like that when we have very good reasons. And a lot of the time, it's not because we necessarily

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want

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to remove ourselves from something.

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It's we that's what we have to do. There's lots of things where I no. I would like to stay here. I would like to go over there and do some things but I that's not working for me right now unfortunately and, you know, that's just the reality of the situation. Yeah. 100%.

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I someone posted something on LinkedIn and they said, normalize

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not telling a story about yourself when someone says something.

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Just listen.

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And I responded and said, you know, a lot of neurodiverse

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individuals will share a story as a point of connection. We are not making it about us. That's just how we express that sense of connection. And someone said, well, you can just save your story. And I said, so if someone

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was walking in front of you and they had a walker, would you say you're going too slow? Move out of my way? No. You wouldn't. So don't tell us not to share our story because we're really just trying to connect in the moment. It is literally the same thing.

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Yeah. I think one of the biggest

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challenges

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I feel is that people imposing

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your ideas

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on somebody else. Right? What they feel is right is imposed on the other. And it can happen even within the neurodivergent

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community, for instance. And that is where the conflict

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arises.

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You should do this or this is right or this is wrong. This is not the way you say it. Things like that is what results in conflict. So how about understanding

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who we all are

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individually

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and then allow

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us to be ourselves

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and allow

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the others to be themselves and then connect? And and this is where

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the problem arises. Right? This is, you know, just just putting my idea of what I think the way it should be done onto somebody else. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, just like I said, that compassion and that acceptance and people being able to live themselves unapologetically

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out loud without this long, drawn out explanation. It's like just let people be who you are. But to Mike's point, because we don't have something that people can see visually,

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it's not as widely

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it's widely accepted as someone that has a

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visual,

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you know, ailment or something that someone can put a check mark next to and say, okay, I understand that, because I can see it. I don't owe you the explanation or the definition. All I owe you is me being my authentic self, and I want you to honor and appreciate that. So, yeah, we just have to keep the conversations going. Could you talk a little bit about how life was

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before the diagnosis

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and when you were not aligned to your strengths?

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And then that transition

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to now, you're fully

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embracing yourselves

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and living

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unapologetically

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yourself. Because this seat looks very confident,

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and it looks like you are in a very happy place. But talking about the past and how you transition gives hope to people that who are struggling.

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Absolutely. It was exhausting. I mean, I I'm not going to say that every single day I was miserable or things like that. But I think about the totality of time where I would just come home and

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rehash my day and literally get upset with myself about things that I didn't say and question things

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that

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pinging around like a ping pong ball, trying to do all kinds of different things to make sure that I was covered, and that I showed up in so many different ways. It was exhausting. And I I can honestly say that I think it destroyed some of my relationships because I was so tired from masking that I didn't have enough left for the people that truly mattered in my life, because I was trying to show up for people that were there for

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in single or individual purpose. And so, you know, I I just had this conversation with someone yesterday where they said, you seem to have it all together. And I'm like, absolutely not. There are days that I'm still like a hot mess out here, but at least I can assign where that hot mess is coming from. Whereas before I had no idea and I was truly trying to figure it out. I can now come back and reflect and go,

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that was the whole day of emotional dysregulation

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right there, you know, or I can just tell someone I am not okay right now. I need a moment. Whereas before, I'm like, gosh, why am I why am I acting like this? Now I know why. So I can figure out what I need to do, whether it's a meditation or medication

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to get myself in the right place.

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So

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before it was just trying to

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search for something and probably

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attaching to things that did more harm than good to myself. Whereas now I can

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sort of try to identify and put the steps together and create this looks like this. Okay. At least I know what keywords to put into my research or what resources to reach out to or what people I can tap into or like this, what podcast I can listen to to help myself feel aligned

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and say, yep, that's it. There's my community. There's exactly what's going on, and then I can I can bring myself back to center? So, yeah. Refreshing

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now, chaotic before,

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well resourced now,

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completely under resourced, confused,

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and probably I I think I spent a lot of time being angry before, because I didn't know why I felt so different. And I didn't know why

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other people get it, and I found myself just trying to go, alright, well, I'll just do it your way. And then you get home and you're kicking and screaming. I'm like, I don't even wanna do that. And why did I, you know, and like you said, that impulsive behavior, that risk taking behavior, that people pleasing behavior, I probably could have had a lot more money in the bank if if I knew how to say no to things and didn't lean into stuff that, you know, that I didn't truly want to be a part of. The impulsive

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portion of me seeing something in the store and wanting all of the things, because I can't decide on 1, or ordering from 4 different restaurants,

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because I wanted a bite of every single thing probably would have been there, but it would have been my things and not other people's things.

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The boundaries. Right? Boundaries

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around things, that is such a learned skill, And I continuously practice it because if I don't, I'm just going to go off. Because my heart, my energy I'm so emotional,

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and my emotions start taking over. But emotions are fabulous. I'm not saying don't suppress it, and that's the whole idea. Right? But how do how are you gonna use your emotions? Are they healthy towards your actions? Are are they not? We we need to step back. And even if it's that split second and think before we take action. Because for me, everything is so emotional, but it is beautiful when you use the emotions, the good emotions.

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Right? That's how you create things. Definitely. And surrounding yourself with people that are open to understanding and learning more about you. If I share something about who I am as a person with someone that I spend a fair amount of time with, and I'm like, hey, what did you think? And they're like, oh, I didn't take a look at it. Like, okay. Let me change the way that we interact because now I know that you are not interested in understanding

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why or may or may not react a certain way. So you're going to stay in that place of judgment. Whereas if I share something with you and you're open to it, it's like, oh, good. Now, I know that I can continue to be my authentic self around you. So that's also something that I do regularly.

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So that people, you know, grow to understand more about who I am. And likewise, I'm open to learning more about them. But because we are still

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the, you know, underrepresented

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community, I'm very open to sharing things with people. And I'm not going to give them like a War and Peace level novel to read. But if I share a meme with you that explains overstimulation

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and you don't even watch the meme, I'm like, okay. This is gonna be a difficult hang or this may be our only hang.

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Totally. It's a little, like, litmus test you can give everybody. Exactly. You have to be, like, so

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aggressively yourself that if they don't like it, okay, well, that was that's done very quickly. So it's always, like, worked for me. I'm always, like, super in your face with the things that I deal with. And if you start acting a little strange about that, it lets me know that this is going to probably be a waste of my time, and something bad's probably gonna happen that's gonna hurt my feelings at some point. So I'm going to pull the parachute now instead of later. And it's all about building safety. You know? You just want to create safety. Neurodivergence more than anyone else wear their nervous system on their shoulder

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more or less, and you just have to make sure everyone around you creates a safe space for you. 100%.

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That's that is the

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you that was an entire

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head talk, Mike. I mean, that

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psychological safety

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in and of itself is so huge and so important. And when people don't

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embrace that, it's like I I can tell that this, like you said, this could be dangerous, this could be harmful, this could be hurtful. And I'm not willing to go down that route with you, so let's just pull the plug now, and then we can both go back to our own corners of comfort and do your thing. Yeah. Because emotional

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dysregulation

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is just something that I don't wanna deal with. Or, you know, RSD,

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no one wants to feel that sense of rejection

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from someone that

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can so simply

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embrace something that may be new to them, but it's not like we we're, we do most of the heavy lifting for ourselves. Like you kind of just have to show up. You just need to watch the reel, get the reel and then show up. We're going to bring all of the other things in because we kind of don't trust you to bring them anyway.

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So we've got it. All you gotta do is just go along with it.

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Exactly.

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Exactly. Yeah. So going from finding your authentic self and setting yourself up for this, how did that lead to your to your coaching program? You know, I kinda just made a deal with the universe that if I was able to figure this out for myself, I would help other people figure it out. And so from there, I said, I'm all in. I cannot stand to not gonna be that Sherpa for someone else that's trying to find their way up the mountain. It was just that simple. I'm like, I have to. I how dare I not share the information

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that I have gained for myself and try to help other people. Because to the world to the outside world, some people that's just looking in and that it's just getting there. They're like, oh my gosh. You have it all together. It's like, I don't, but come a little closer. Let me show you why I don't. So yeah. You find your way into the room of acceptance and I mean, like, for me, I don't wanna close the door behind me once I'm in there. I wanna hold it open so that way others can come in because I don't want anyone to feel the same way I ever did. Absolutely.

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Yeah. Exactly. And that's how I created Spark launch. Right? But it was challenging because I had to actually put my out of box thinking out there in the public.

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But the more

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afraid I was, I was gonna do it because I was gonna beat that fear, right, which was built which was been part of my system since,

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I don't know when, since my childhood. But I had so much to share,

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and it would be so

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unfair to just keep doing my job because I was fine with it. But how could I just have all this wealth of information,

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finding peace?

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And by the way, it's a constant work in progress. Right? So if I didn't do what I was doing, I would not be. So I have to eat myself

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in motion to keep finding that peace in every moment. If I didn't say, I would be like, it would eat me up. Right? And so I have to say it. And I'm what I'm saying is it right for me? That's all that matters. It feels right, and I know my intentions are pure. And that's it. That's all I need to trust. Absolutely.

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And sharing, you know, the all of the parts. There's a comedian, AJ Wilkerson, that I saw. I actually saw him twice. I saw him at San Jose Improv. He calls himself captain autism. He's hilarious.

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And I I took one of my friends who's also a business partner, and then he was in Southern California, and I wanted to see him again. And I invited one of my friends that was in Southern California. And so it's like, we're not so serious about it. There's so many things that we love to enjoy and love to laugh about. And and there was one point where he was talking about autistic people loving rocks and crystals. And my friend that's up, that's you. That's you. That's you. Because I'm always like, look at this shungite stone. Look at this amethyst. Look at this citrine. Citrine, look at all these, and she was like, oh my gosh, this is so funny. So just sharing those parts of us in a lighthearted manner and people embracing that, I think, is another way that we put those protections around and find who is accepting of

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us being truly who we are.

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And your tribe is always, like, one of the most important things for anybody, but particularly with neurodivergence

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because we are kind of separated. We

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we're often, like, split up and thrown sporadically around because we kinda, like, get filtered through what once again, the normal of society.

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And for that, we have a hard time finding each other because we all end up masking. And the more we mask, the more we don't see each other. I mean, occasionally, we can sniff each other out. There There's definitely people I'm interacting with, like, are you masking or am I masking? Are we both masking? What's going on here? So what advice would you give to somebody,

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either professionally or just someone like dealing with trying to discover themselves, maybe a little later in life diagnosis

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or even earlier in life, like how could they, how would you best

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advise them to unleash their potential? I would tell them go down the rabbit hole, but just make sure that you have a bungee cord attached.

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Don't hesitate to go down the rabbit hole, go. But you need to have somebody at some point that's going to be able to pull you back out and say, okay, now that you've gone down there, now that you've almost reached the bottom,

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let's sit together and start to unpack the things that you do. Because some people just sink and sink and sink, and then they go from, you know, information overload, but they never come back out to the top. Say, okay, here's all the things that I found and let me throw them on you now. Let me find some path forward.

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Find a community. Find a way to, you know, get some semblance of treatment. Whether that is holistic treatment, whether that is, you know, medication. Whatever you decide that you wanna do, go down the rabbit hole. But make sure that there is somebody holding on to the other end of that cord that can pull you back up and help you

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unpack what you found down there. I love that. That's perfect.

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So where can everybody find you and your coaching and

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and follow along with you? Absolutely. Mia love coaching.com.

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Everything is there that leads you to all of my socials that leads you to the TEDx and everything. So simply mialovecoaching.com. Perfect. It has been wonderful having you. We, of course, are always on sparklaunchpodcast.com. The coaching program for ADHD is sparklaunch.org.

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Chaya and I are both, of course, also on LinkedIn. And I will have all of the links for Mia in the show notes so you can find them easily there. Thank you, Mia, for your presence and your wisdom.

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I appreciate being here. Thank you. This has been such a refreshing conversation. This has been honestly the best part of my week.

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Me too. Me too. We'll see you all next time.

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