People are shocked when they find out Karen Millon still regularly spends time with her ex-husband — even with her new husband. It just doesn’t quite fit the usual expectations of divorce, as we so often imagine animosity between former partners.
Somehow, Karen managed to come out the other side with a healthy outlook on divorce and a good relationship with her ex. She even wrote a book about it, titled “My Amazing Divorce.”
On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, host Ashley-Nicole Russell talks to Karen about how she made it happen. According to Karen, she made sure to give not only herself but her partner and especially her kids time to process the change and reach a level of acceptance.
What largely made this possible was not putting her needs first. Instead, Karen sought out therapy and resources to emotionally handle everything, and ensured her kids got what they needed from both mom and dad.
Karen also adds, “What I think made it healthy was a focus on healing and honoring the grieving process.”
This concept of healing is extremely important to Karen. In fact, it’s the main focus of her podcast, Healin, which aims to help inspire others start their own healing journey.
“Being aware of your emotions and your triggers and having someone to cry with, you take a load off your kids because they're not your therapists, they're not your friends,” says Karen. “You have to build safety and security with them.”
Name: Karen Millon
What she does: Karen is a businesswoman, the author of “My Amazing Divorce” and host of the podcast, Healin, which provides resources for people seeking healing and wellness inspiration.
Words of wisdom: “When you understand that you are a soul living a human experience, whether you're Christian or Buddhist or Hindu, and that you didn't come to this world to fight and argue and be bitter but to deal with what life brings you with grace, I think that helped.”
Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode
★ Focus on healing. Honoring the grieving process was a big part of what made her divorce healthy, says Karen. This means giving yourself, your ex and your children the time necessary to be sad and work through negative emotions to reach acceptance.
★ You don’t have to rely on your divorce lawyer. Your divorce lawyer will have your best interests in mind and no one else’s, but that’s not necessarily good for processing the situation. It could even lead to animosity and difficult situations for your ex-partner and children.
★ Move away from anger. One turning point for Karen in processing her divorce, and something she advises, is to get out of the anger stage of grieving. She says that deciding not to fight anymore — adopting a mindset of “radical acceptance” — can help you reclaim your power.
[14:47] Make your divorce kid-friendly: As a child of divorce, Karen says she could empathize with her kids while getting divorced from their dad. As a result, she tried to make the process as much about them as possible and knew that despite the separation, they would still want to see their parents together and enjoying each other’s company.
[15:18] Have a clear vision: Because going through such a big change might make some people lose sight of what matters, Karen believes it’s important to maintain a vision throughout the process.
[15:33] Seek out spiritual resources: Throughout her divorce and its accompanying therapy, Karen found books, podcasts and various resources that spoke to her and helped her see the big picture while stuck in the immediate chaos. For her, one of these resources was the book "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra.
[19:00] Write it down: Karen found that writing was key to her success. Whether it was journaling, making to-do lists or drafting a whole book, writing things down was essential to her healing journey and a way to manifest success and a positive outlook.
[21:17] Let go of the little things: What you haven’t been able to change in your partner in the years you’ve been together will probably not change because of you. Learn to accept this and find power in what you do have control over: yourself.
[25:56] Avoid guilt over the holidays: When the kids are spending Christmas with your ex-partner, Karen says it’s important to understand they already feel bad that they aren’t with you. There’s no need to emphasize how much you will miss them.
⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.
⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.
⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.