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Handling money in your relationship
Episode 10613th March 2022 • I Hate Numbers: Business Improvement and Performance • I Hate Numbers
00:00:00 00:08:21

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Handling money in your relationship is this week's I Hate Numbers podcast. Money is one of the biggest sources of tension in relationships.

I can help you learn how to handle money in your relationship and stop the arguing.

You will be able to work together as a team, have fewer arguments and be happier with your partner.

Listen to find out more.

 I'm going to share four tips with you.

  • Firstly, be open about your  money, monsters
  • Secondly, have empathy for your partner's money mindset
  • Thirdly, Make sure your financial goals align
  • Lastly, Embrace the ‘B’ word
  • Moreover, don’t use judgmental or negative language.  Words like reckless, irresponsible is maybe how you feel.  However, these aren’t the words to encourage dialogue.


By understanding and applying these tips, you'll be on your way to having a more peaceful and harmonious relationship - regardless of how much (or little) money is involved.

For more business and finance, news, advice and tips, don’t forget to subscribe and watch our weekly videos on I Hate Numbers, listen to our weekly podcast I Hate Numbers.

My podcast will help

Listen to find out more.

Furthermore, my mission is to inform, inspire and educate you to get closer to your numbers.

You can make more profitssave tax and time, improve your well-being and your money mindset.

Help me to help you and others by subscribing and sharing this episode in your network.  Listen now and subscribe to I Hate Numbers, so I can send it straight to your inbox every week with all the latest updates.

If you found this podcast useful then share this episode on social, leave a review on Apple podcast.  Connect with me on Instagram,

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You will share your life with your partner, but not always the truth about money and finances. For most couples, talking about money, and/or dealing with it as a couple is not natural and it's not easy. And that's a shame, because couples different attitudes and behaviour to money can put a huge strain on the relationship and it's a common reason for divorce and separation. It doesn't have to be that way. I'm here to help you get on the same page financially so you can both avoid those problems before they happen. My goal is simple. I want you both to feel confident in how you manage your financial life together, so when things are good, they're good, and when things are tough, they don't become unbearable.


You're listening to the I Hate Numbers podcast with Mahmood Reza. The I Hate Numbers Podcast mission is to help your business survive and thrive by you better understanding and connecting with your numbers. Number love and care is what it's about. Tune in every week. Now, here's your host, Mahmood Reza.


Hi, folks. Welcome to another weekly podcast on I Hate Numbers. A podcast that's got a mission to improve your financial awareness, improve your money mindset, help you and your business make more profit, save tax and save time. At the end of this podcast, there are four outcomes I want to achieve: that's you improving your money mindset and for your partner, increasing your confidence in discussing and dealing with money, why budging is liberating, empowering and life affirming and why being comfortable with money can strengthen your relationship.


So whether you're looking for a way to strengthen your relationship or just want more financial peace of mind, listen to find out more. In this podcast, I'm going to share four tips with you. Four approaches to handling that money in a relationship. Number one is discussing your money monsters, your money demons. Experts agree that by fully disclosing your situation with your significant other before you settle down into a meaningful relationship, before you move in together, before you get married, regardless of how uncomfortable that may be, full disclosure is a must.


That's the time to mention outstanding debts, monies that are owed to third parties, investments that you might have, financial assets or obligations. It may be you come from a previous relationship and you've got a legacy of debts that you built up. Whatever the history is, this is the time to disclose and discuss it with your partner. Discuss it sooner rather than later. Don't leave it building up. Tip number two empathy. It's important that you understand and you empathise with your partner's money mindset. Empathy doesn't mean you have to fully agree, but you have to understand. Understanding is halfway there.


A lot of the fights that couples have about money aren't actually about the money, believe it or not, but it's actually a clash of temperaments. Temperaments can be a massive source of conflict and what upsets one party may not necessarily upset the other. The issue could be deeper than just the spending of the money. It could be affordability. It could hide a deeper issue that's below the surface. It's important that you understand how your partner sees money and also how they were raised about the topic of money. Do they come from a family where spending was frugal? Do they come from a family of big spenders?


Did you yourself survive on a budget? Did you come from a household where money was quite scarce? Was money discussed? Was it a taboo subject? What is your partner's gracious fear with their money, their finances? All of these answers and more will impact and influence how your relationship develops and how you both treat money. Tip number three, it's critical that relationship, the partners in a relationship have the same outcome, the same financial expectation, the same financial goals. Life will fluctuate, things will go up and down and your expectations and your priorities no doubt will change with time.


However, it's important that both parties in the couple synchronise with each other and make sure they agree on what the main objectives are. Sit down once a year, twice a year, have a nice relaxed conversation and make sure you're aligned on the same page. That could be a target for retirement, it could be saving for a particularly household item, could be saving for a deposit on a house, it could be a big major holiday. Whatever it is, make sure your goals are as one. Your spending patterns, your behaviour are then aligned to achieving that unified that single goal. It's more important where one of the parties in the relationship may not be working or may not be as contributing as much to the household here. An element of resentment may see pin.


So make sure you've got the same goals in life, you have the same marital goals, you have the same family goals in life. Make sure your financial goals are as one. Tip number three, the B word. Don't ignore it. The B word, by the way, folks, is budgeting. The number of people who do not have a household budget, do not have a budgeting framework is in the majority. Approximately a third of households do not budget for their household. Now, do not see a budget as a tedious exercise. It's not a straitjacket, it's not restricting your activity and how you live your life, but it gives you more control and it gives you more power of what may happen in the future. And it minimises the uncertainty and the anxiety that can spring from not having a budget.


There are more benefits that come from budgeting than there are downsides. Where you know where the money is going, where you know where the money is being spent, it gives you the opportunity to challenge those costs, to manage them more succinctly. And remember, you can budget and you can put in things like household treats going out it doesn't mean a life of restriction. There are lots of tools out in the marketplace. Check the link in the show notes, by the way, and I'll give you a link to a budgeting guide.


Now, I said four tips earlier on and I can't resist by adding a couple more. Do not keep secrets from each other. This is not about micro managing what each party spends. It's not about checking every single receipt that you have for you or your partner. Those treats that you want, that you want to keep a secret to that day of birthday or celebration is fine, but it's about the big things. Do not take credit cards out without making your partner aware. If you're not living together, if your finances do not impact on each other, that's a different situation.


We're talking about where you have a relationship that you want to have some meaning behind it. Don't let the finances creep in to actually wreak some degree of devastation. So hiding big purchases, hiding accounts, lying is very toxic and it will catch up with you later on. Finally, folks, the language that you use to discuss money has got to be more positive than negative. Avoid words like reckless. So if you view your partner as spending too much, do not use words like irresponsible, reckless, out of control, that is likely to put defence mechanisms up, and you would not be able to progress that conversation in a positive manner.


Empathy, understanding the B word, minimising the level of sequence that you have, and having the same financial goals will help you have a much stronger relationship where money does not wreak havoc. Folks, I hope you got some benefit out of this podcast. I'd love it if you could share it with those who you feel will benefit as well. If you have any comments, by all means, share them. And there's a link in the show notes here to a little short poll that I'm carrying out in terms of money attitudes in a relationship. Until next week, folks, strengthen that money relationship and wish you well.


We hope you enjoyed this episode and appreciate you taking the time to listen to the show. We hope you got some value. If you did, then we'd love it if you shared the episode. We look forward to you joining us next week for another I Hate Numbers episode.





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