We’re often contacted early in the New Year by people who have spent Christmas with their older loved ones and noticed increased frailty in the older person. This can be quite confronting and lead to some distress and uncertainty about what they should do.

Don’t panic. Enjoy your celebrations together and then start some gentle conversations about getting some help at home and what that might look like. These are not easy conversations so pick a quiet time and be prepared to listen to and support the older person.

 In this episode:

• This is our 35th episode and the last one for 2024
• The family gathering at Christmas and what you might notice
• Is your loved one getting frailer?
• When to broach this subject
• Enjoy Christmas and leave this conversation for another time
• Suggestions for gifts for your older loved one
• Spending time with your loved ones is the ultimate gift
• We’re offering podcast sponsorship in 2025
• Next episode is on Tuesday, Feb 4, 2025

Resources mentioned:

• Let’s Talk Consultation https://seemeacn.com.au/lets-talk-consultation/
• Podcast page for sponsorship proposal

Connect with Coral Wilkinson: 

• Instagram 
• LinkedIn 

Follow See Me Aged Care Navigators:

• See Me ACN website
• Facebook
• Instagram

  

More about Your Aged Care Compass podcast: 

Do you support an older loved one at home and you're ready to give up because it’s just too hard? Your Aged Care Compass is for you.

We're Coral and Michelle, the sisters behind our business, See Me Aged Care Navigators.

Coral is a registered nurse with over 30 years’ experience in both health and aged care. A former assessor with the aged care assessment team, an advocate and author, there’s not much Coral doesn’t know about Australia’s aged care system.

Michelle is a former pharmacist with over 30 years in the public health and private sectors of pharmacy. Michelle is the client care manager for our business. 

Our story started as one of supporting our parents to remain in their own home, to be as independent as possible and remain connected to their community. When we eventually needed extra support, we achieved this because we know Australia’s aged care system so well. We knew what programs could assist us and our parents.

Your Aged Care Compass podcast brings together not only our personal experience in supporting our parents but also our vast professional experience in supporting other families to keep their loved ones at home. 

We'll help you makes sense of Australia’s aged care system and bring you topics related to ageing as well. Legal, financial, health, forward planning and more.

 Your Aged Care Compass will guide you clearly and compassionately to the right support at the right time for your ageing parents and loved ones. 

Like what you hear? Please leave us a rating and review. We’d love you to share this podcast with any friends or family who have older loved ones.

Michelle: 00:00:32

welcome listeners.

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: 00:00:33

I'm Michelle, and it's great

to have you listening in on our

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: 00:00:36

35th episode of the podcast.

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: 00:00:39

For those of you who have tuned in

for the first time, For those of you

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: 00:00:44

who have only recently come across

our podcast, we launched your Aged

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: 00:00:48

Care Compass podcast in May this year.

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: 00:00:52

Our goal was to bring an educational and

empowering discussion to the community,

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: 00:00:57

enlightening people about all the topics

they need to consider to age well at home.

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: 00:01:02

Our episodes have dropped every

Tuesday since May, and there's been

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: 00:01:06

no shortage of topics to talk about.

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: 00:01:09

In fact, your feedback has guided us to

discuss the topics you've asked for most.

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: 00:01:16

We've talked about some heavier

topics in the past few weeks, namely

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: 00:01:20

about dementia and moving a loved

one into an aged care facility.

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: 00:01:25

Being our last episode for 2024,

we're going to end on a lighter note.

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: 00:01:31

But before we chat about what that

is, we did want to cover a topic

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: 00:01:35

we're asked about every year.

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: 00:01:38

Usually in January, when people contact

us after they've spent Christmas

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: 00:01:42

with their older loved ones and are

shocked to see their decline since

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: 00:01:47

the last time they were together.

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: 00:01:49

Coral, I'll pass the microphone to

you and let you talk for a bit about

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: 00:01:54

what can happen at Christmastime

when everyone gets together and then

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: 00:01:58

what people ask us in the new year.

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: 00:02:01

After they've considered how much

frailer their older loved one has become.

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: 00:02:07

Coral: Thanks, Shel.

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: 00:02:08

Yes, look, one thing we see each year,

and one of the reasons people make contact

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: 00:02:13

with us early, you know, every new year,

is that they've been home for Christmas,

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: 00:02:19

and they literally have been shocked

at the decline in an older loved one.

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: 00:02:24

It causes a lot of concern, and

people contact us in a state

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: 00:02:28

of panic about what to do.

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: 00:02:32

Michelle: Explain what happens

in this scenario, Coral.

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: 00:02:36

Coral: Everyone is gathering for the

annual family get together at Christmas.

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: 00:02:41

All the siblings and the partners,

and that in itself can be anxiety

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: 00:02:46

producing, as we know these kind

of big family gatherings can

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: 00:02:49

be difficult for some families.

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: 00:02:52

And Christmas brings with it its own

set of expectations, which frankly

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: 00:02:56

aren't always achievable or realistic.

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: 00:03:00

So Christmas lunch or dinner is

convened at someone's home, maybe the

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: 00:03:04

elderly parent's home, and everyone

arrives to make the day special.

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: 00:03:09

Family members cook so that the

elderly mum or dad don't have to.

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: 00:03:14

It's all going beautifully until

Mum or Dad begin repeating the same

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: 00:03:18

conversation or asking the same questions.

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: 00:03:22

Someone will say, you've already asked

that question Mum, and it will be laughed

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: 00:03:26

off until another few minutes later

when Mum asks the same question again.

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: 00:03:32

Or Dad makes the same comment

about the neighbours again.

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: 00:03:37

Or, you know, when everyone

arrives for the Christmas

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: 00:03:39

party, the house is in disarray.

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: 00:03:42

There are piles of newspapers or shopping

bags piled up in the spare bedroom, or

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: 00:03:48

mum and dad are wearing soiled clothing.

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: 00:03:52

And then an uncomfortable feeling

settles across the conversation

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: 00:03:56

and whispered discussion about

how mum and dad are coping begins.

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: 00:04:01

Michelle: What happens next, Coral?

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: 00:04:04

Coral: What we've become aware of,

Cheryl, is that some family members

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: 00:04:06

want to find out what's going on right

there and then, and then there are

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: 00:04:10

some family members who don't want to.

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: 00:04:14

Michelle: What do you think is the

best way of approaching this situation?

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: 00:04:19

Coral: I really think this is

the kind of conversation that's

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: 00:04:22

best left for another time.

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: 00:04:25

I think it's more important to

enjoy the gathering rather than

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: 00:04:28

instigating a confrontation about

why mum and dad aren't coping.

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: 00:04:33

And it is often a

confrontation that happens.

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: 00:04:37

Christmas Day is not the day to

have this kind of discussion.

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: 00:04:41

Michelle: Absolutely.

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: 00:04:43

And this is where we're often contacted

by people in the new year, recounting

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: 00:04:48

their own experience of this kind of

situation, and stressed about what to do.

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: 00:04:53

Coral: That's right, shell.

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: 00:04:54

But it's okay.

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: 00:04:55

It can be confronting to see how

an older loved one has declined

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: 00:04:59

cognitively or functionally when

we haven't seen them for a while.

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: 00:05:04

What I want people listening to this

episode to realize is that if this turns

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: 00:05:09

out to being your experience of the

Christmas get together, not to panic.

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: 00:05:14

It's okay.

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: 00:05:15

And from this recognition, then you can

begin to work out what you're going to

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: 00:05:20

do about having the conversation with

mum or dad about what you've seen.

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: 00:05:24

And this, isn't always an

easy conversation to have.

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: 00:05:28

And from there, you can begin

planning or introducing help at home.

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: 00:05:35

Michelle: Great advice, Coral.

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: 00:05:38

what we want to end this episode with, how

we wanted to wrap up this year, is another

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: 00:05:45

question we see across social media, or

we're asked by our clients and friends.

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: 00:05:50

And that is, what kind of

gift can I get for mum or dad?

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: 00:05:56

Coral: Yes.

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: 00:05:56

So we've had to become a little creative

with gift giving for mom, mainly because

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: 00:06:02

if she ever needs anything, we buy it.

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: 00:06:05

And also because she doesn't

really need anything else.

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: 00:06:10

But Christmas is special and so is Mum.

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: 00:06:13

So what I do is I, this year, I've

bought a couple of tickets to a

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: 00:06:18

show that I'll be taking Mum to

when it's on later in the year.

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: 00:06:23

So in March we are going to see

a Neil Diamond tribute show.

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: 00:06:29

thankfully Mum won't be listening to this

podcast so I haven't blown the surprise.

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: 00:06:33

Other things I've done for Mum is

design a personalised calendar for her.

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: 00:06:40

Or our other sister makes wall

hangings using family photos that

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: 00:06:44

have been taken throughout the year.

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: 00:06:47

Other things we've done are buying a

low maintenance plant or an orchid.

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: 00:06:54

buying a gift certificate for

a nice restaurant and then

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: 00:06:57

taking mum out for dinner.

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: 00:06:59

new clothes.

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: 00:07:00

In fact, mum is also getting three new

dresses for Christmas this year as well.

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: 00:07:07

Previously, I've also given mum a

subscription for a magazine for the year.

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: 00:07:13

And, you know, shall my kids ask me what

I want for Christmas every year as well?

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: 00:07:18

And honestly, spending time with

them is, all that I really want.

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: 00:07:22

Um, you know, throw in a nice

cocktail and a board game.

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: 00:07:27

and that's.

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: 00:07:28

what I want, you know, that will

make me happy for Christmas.

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: 00:07:30

So giving your time, making the time

to spend with your older loved ones,

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: 00:07:35

I think is actually the ultimate gift.

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: 00:07:39

Michelle: Yep, I totally agree.

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: 00:07:41

But they are fabulous, all

fabulous suggestions, Coral.

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: 00:07:46

Listeners, that brings almost to

the close of both this episode

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: 00:07:51

and our podcast for 2024.

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: 00:07:53

But there's one exciting thing

that we wanted to say before

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: 00:07:57

we sign off for the year.

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: 00:07:59

We're introducing something new with

our podcast next year, the opportunity

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: 00:08:04

for sponsorship of the podcast.

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: 00:08:07

Coral, could you explain this further?

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: 00:08:10

Coral: That's right, Shell.

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: 00:08:11

We're inviting purpose led

organizations and individuals to align

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: 00:08:15

with us on the podcast next year.

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: 00:08:18

So that will be sponsorship and

it will be for a four week period.

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: 00:08:23

, the sponsor of those four episodes will

be offered a guest spot to, You know, talk

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: 00:08:29

about their why, why they do what they do

and to talk about the organization that

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: 00:08:35

they work for or the service that they

provide that is making a difference to

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: 00:08:40

older people receiving aged care services.

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: 00:08:43

And then, of course, that sponsor

will have their branding across our

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: 00:08:48

podcast, our website, and in our email

newsletter that goes out every month.

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: 00:08:54

We're lining up, our guest speakers as

we speak, and the themes we're curating

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: 00:08:59

for next year are really exciting.

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: 00:09:03

There'll be limited opportunity for the

sponsorship, given that the period of

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: 00:09:07

sponsorship is for four weeks, and the

duration of the podcast is, uh, a year.

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: 00:09:13

So we are already locking in some

absolutely wonderful organizations.

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: 00:09:20

you're listening to this and thinking

you'd like to be part of the podcast for

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: 00:09:24

2025, you can download the sponsorship

proposal from our podcast webpage.

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: 00:09:32

And even though we'll be on our

Christmas break, I'll be working

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: 00:09:35

on the podcast in the background.

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: 00:09:37

So don't hesitate to contact

us and secure your spot.

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: 00:09:42

We're recording next year's

episodes from mid January and, they

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: 00:09:48

will be ready to go at relaunch

on Tuesday, the 4th of February.

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: 00:09:53

Michelle: I can't wait for next year.

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: 00:09:55

And I know who you have been lining up

as guests, Coral, and it's impressive.

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: 00:10:01

On that note, we have

a small favour to ask.

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: 00:10:05

If you're listening to us on Apple,

we'd love you to leave a review for us.

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: 00:10:10

Or if you're listening on

Spotify, you can rate the show.

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: 00:10:14

We would really appreciate your kind words

about your Aged Care Compass podcast.

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: 00:10:20

It's been our pleasure to have

you join us each week, everyone.

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: 00:10:24

We hope your time with your

families over the festive season

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: 00:10:27

is special and may the coming year

bring you health and contentment.

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: 00:10:33

Until February next year, take care.