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1 - On My Way to Rock Bottom
Episode 111th December 2024 • Unfuck Your Life: An Audio Drama • Jen deHaan
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This week on Unfuck Your Life… with Tog Chesterfield, Tog shares what happened on the way down to their own rock bottom. What got them there.

You'll also get the weather.

Watch this episode as a fully animated YouTube video.

Credits, contact, and more info

This comedy audio drama / audio fiction series was created, written, directed, edited, and produced by Jen deHaan. It is partially improvised!

Voices:

Jen deHaan (any voices by guests are noted above)

Artwork, logo, and graphics:

Jen deHaan.

Transcript:

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Mentioned in this episode:

The Morbids: Pensive Antics in Literary Nonsense

Literary Nonsense is a genre of its own, and you can now enjoy it as a podcast! The Morbids: Pensive Antics in Literary Nonsense is a new take on the greatest works of literary nonsense and is available wherever you find podcasts. This audio video narration contains whimsy, curiosities, nonsense and strange characters. Join the newsletter and get notified at StereoForest.com. Learn more about the podcast at https://StereoForest.com/morbids

Transcripts

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Have you ever wondered what your life could be like after you've hit your rock bottom?

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Would you try to dig your way out or get back to the surface?

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This week on Un-Fuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield, Tog shares what happened on the way down to

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their own rock bottom.

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Welcome to Un-Fuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield, here on 101.7 FM The Grack.

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I'm Tog Chesterfield, a recently unemployed, single, and sober 42-year-old trying to pick

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up the pieces and un-fuck my life after hitting rock bottom.

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I'm taking you along as I try new things and attempt to embrace life no matter what happens

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along the way.

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Welcome to the show.

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It's 5.01pm and I'll be here with you for your commute, or while you prepare dinner,

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or watch your kid play overtime in middle school field hockey or something.

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Your personal uninvited guest for the evening.

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So tonight, first, we need to go back to the beginning of the great fuckery of my life.

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How I got to rock bottom.

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I used to work at Apocalypse.Cloud here in Grackleton.

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You might know that Apocalypse.Cloud was not all that big and we were acquired by Hack

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to the Future.

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Hack to the Future, like future proofs phone apps and Apocalypse.Cloud, well we backed

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up apps for disaster recovery, so we were kind of a match made in heaven and also a

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prime target for acquisition.

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Anyways, I managed the social media accounts at Apocalypse.Cloud and I was laid off after

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that acquisition.

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I don't know if it was redundancies or, well, I do know why, you guys.

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It was clearly the potato incident.

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But anyways.

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So that was the beginning of my way to rock bottom.

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I didn't have a whole lot in savings after I was laid off and I had to pretty much right

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away sell my washer and dryer for mortgage payments.

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Because of that, I was walking up the street to the laundromat, Sheet Happens.

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I was walking to save some gas.

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And Sheet Happens was the only place within walking distance.

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I mean, that place, it's no secret.

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All of you probably know, there's always some broken machines, but that was the only spot

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I could walk to and even though it has a bit of a reputation, that's where I had to go.

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But as a lot of you also know, people say it's cursed.

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I'm scientific by nature, so I don't really believe in that kind of thing, but every

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time I went there, something messed up would happen.

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The first time, the screen just blinked no at me right after it locked the door.

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No!

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For some reason, there's always some choir practicing there too.

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I never knew we had so many choirs in Grackleton.

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And there's always that guy in the corner who touches my freshly folded towels after I dry

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them.

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I think it's quite rude to touch somebody's fresh folds.

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So that was the first thing.

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I also started buying most of my food from bulk bins to save money and make my own food

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at home.

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And I really like beans and assorted grains anyway, so it really works out because they

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always have a lot of that.

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I still go there actually, and if you mention my name Tog at 5, you can save 20% off your

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first purchase.

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Tell them Tog sent you.

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Actually, on that note, we'll be right back.

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Un-fuck your life with Tog Chesterfield.

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Back to the show.

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It was a good idea to go to the bulk bin store.

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They have great deals, they have nice people who work there.

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I mean, the only thing is that curb off the parking lot, I think it's about 2 inches too

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high for curbs, like above standard curb height.

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I never underestimate it right.

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I underestimate the height or I overcompensate and I do that big, you know that big drop you

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do with your foot because you don't really know how high or how low to step and you just

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get it wrong.

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Anyways, I've been trying to impress their store owner because I thought maybe they'd

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need someone to help with their social media and I really need a job.

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So I'm trying to talk to Dan Sweep at Bulk Bins about his social media strategy and we

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ended up talking about this online contest app that you can get.

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It's called Eat Your Luck.

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He was thinking of doing some promotions with them and it's not a bad idea.

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So I checked out this app and I started entering a bunch of the food contests in it.

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I was hoping to win some snacks because I could compliment all the beans and grains

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and I'm eating because of going to Bulk Bins in the first place.

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And the wild thing is I kept winning.

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But everything I won wasn't snacks.

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The contests were for the snacks but I'd always get that grand prize that wasn't a snack.

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But the grand prize was always something I didn't need.

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I got a scarecrow for the garden and since I don't have a garden it just sits on my balcony.

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I call the scarecrow Burl Booch.

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And I got this really cool dog pool with a water slide attachment but I don't have a

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dog or a yard so I donated that.

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Oh, and I got the security light.

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That's the next thing.

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The security light nearly blinded the homeowner association president, Louis Pepperoni, while

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he was walking his dog, called Pepperoni, and I had to hand write an apology letter to

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both of them.

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Dear Louis, Hi.

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I'm very sorry about installing the 10,000 lumen outdoor security lights in daylight

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white.

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Pepperoni is very cute.

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Tog Chesterfield.

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I was still fined $529 for the infraction even after that nice letter.

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So that's about when I started running low on savings for the mortgage and I realized

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that I should get a roommate.

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I cleared out my office and I moved it to the corner of my bedroom here and I set up

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the room for Lance Stick who was the roommate of the person that I sold my washer and dryer

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to actually.

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Lance was looking for a new place.

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And when Lance moved in I realized I was filling out the homeowner's association documentation

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for a new pet instead of a new tenant.

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That cost me another $347 as a subclass C infraction and this time I had to send an

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apology letter to the council secretary for having to file a second document and I spelled

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her name wrong in my email reply.

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And the worst thing of all, that's what I still can't get over.

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Her name is Emily and I spelt it Emily without even checking the email that she sent to me.

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Oh you can't see this, this is radio so I spelt it E-M-M-A-L-E-I-G-H, Emily.

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And when I told Lance, he said,

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Oh dude that's really fucked up.

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And that's when I kind of realized that I'd hit some kind of rock bottom.

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I mean who was this person Tog who has no savings, a scarecrow, and no plan for what

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to do or where to go.

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And now I'm not even proofreading my emails.

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I don't even know who I am anymore.

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Oh that's right, it's time for the weather.

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I'm driving, driving in the car.

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Tonight's weather for your drive at 5 with Unfuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield is

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brought to you by Linda Buttertubs from Buttertub Bakery.

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Linda is renowned for her cheese danish because of the extra love she puts into the lemon

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drizzle on top.

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Buttertub Bakery, where you get drizz.

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Get ready for the weather.

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Tonight, Grackleton is experiencing an irregular pattern from the west that is going to push

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the clouds into the northern mountain range, where they are expecting 3 inches of sheet

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rain.

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This will mostly affect four farms east of the parkway.

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So if you're at those four farms, be sure to grab your umbrella.

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You just learned all about the weather.

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I'm driving, driving.

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And that's it for the weather on your drive at 5 with Unfuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield

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brought to you by Linda from Buttertubs Bakery.

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Unfuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield.

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Okay, back to the show.

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So I thought then and there I needed to bring fate into my own hands.

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That I was going to unfuck my life.

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I mean, I know we can't control this fate.

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That we can't control our life.

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Technically, we can't even control how our thoughts work.

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I've read up on this stuff and sometimes we don't really have a lot of control over

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them.

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But I realized that I, Tog Chesterfield, can control putting one foot in front of the other

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most of the time.

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Maybe not on that curb at Bulk Bins, but most of the time I can.

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And most of the time I can at least control most of my actions like the things I do.

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I chose to go to Sheet Happens even though it was cursed.

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I chose to buy food from Bulk Bins with an irregular curb and do the contest that led

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to Lance living in my office.

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Well, former office, now it's Lance's room.

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And then to record this radio show here in my bedroom looking out at Burl the Scarecrow.

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So I started to plan to climb out of this hole called Rock Bottom one experience at

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a time.

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Control what I can and...

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Hey, Tog.

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Oh, shoot.

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I'm sorry.

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You're recording.

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Oh, that's okay.

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Don't worry.

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What's up?

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Oh, okay.

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Yeah, I'll be really fast.

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Um, look, I was just wondering, you said to take half the fridge and I was just going

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to move my stuff in there, but, uh, I was just wondering if it's the left half, the

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right half or the top half or the bottom half that you want me to take.

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Uh, and I'm also wondering, uh, what you want me to do with all the potatoes.

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Yeah, just, uh, move the potatoes from the top two shelves.

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Um, but leave the, the left crisper drawer empty for the forks.

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Oh, great.

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Yeah.

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Cool.

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All right.

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Well, have a good recording.

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I'll just close this now.

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That's it for this episode of Un-Fuck Your Life with me, Tog Chesterfield.

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Stay tuned for Pothole Patrol on location from the streets of Grackleton at 6.

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You have been listening to Un-Fuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield, a Stereo Forest production.

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This episode was written, directed, edited, produced, and all voices were by Jen DeHaan.

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You can find all show notes and sign up to get notified about new episodes on StereoForest.com.

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