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The Grief Of Growing Up As The Black Sheep
Episode 20026th August 2022 • The Grief Code • Ian Hawkins
00:00:00 00:11:10

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Episode Summary

For this two-hundredth episode of The Grief Code podcast, Ian talks about the grief that some children carry and experience as they grow up, thinking and feeling like they are living as their family’s black sheep.

Don’t miss:

  • Understanding the grief around the feeling that no one seems to understand you or treat you the way you deserve.
  • The gift of growing up with such experiences as you consistently and constantly look for ways to make your living better.
  • Recognizing the positive differences you accumulate from your experiences.
  • Acknowledging and accepting your value by being yourself.

About the Host:

Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. Dealing with grief firsthand with the passing of his father back in 2005 planted the seed in Ian to discover what personal freedom and legacy truly are. This experience was the start of his journey to healing the unresolved and unknown grief that was negatively impacting every area of his life. Leaning into his own intuition led him to leave corporate and follow his purpose of creating connections for himself and others. 

The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. Thousands of people have now moved from loss to light following this exact process. 

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I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Coach podcast, thank you so much for listening. 

Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. 

If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at

You can also stay connected with me by joining The Grief Code community at and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal, please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform.


Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

If you listen to this one, I imagine you know what I'm talking about. Right? You know, what it's like to feel like you you're the odd person out of your family, you. Sometimes you're like, am I even adopted? Now let's go into the extreme. But this is what it feels like. Sometimes you like it, how how could I be from the same family when just the way I see the water seems to be so different. Now, from my awareness, I get the feeling that even siblings that feel like they're the black sheep have other siblings who are probably the same that they feel like they stand out as the one who feels like they're on the outter quite often not really feel included. And the grief around that around feeling like no one really understands you and doesn't actually treat you the way you need to be treated is that you create patterns when you're younger that then play out in adulthood that don't necessarily work. One of those for me was just made a decision, I wasn't going to buy into any of that crap that came my way with that hit the inevitable altercations that took place when you have four other siblings. And yeah, that meant that as I got older, I just wasn't able to back myself, I just kind of just let allowed things to unfold, I didn't really take control of certain situations. Now when I say that, that there were parts of my life where I was really successful and was able to do that. But there were so many, particularly when it came to just my own self belief that I just wasn't able to really step up and own my power ohm ohm my strength and my strengths. And times it kind of felt like just living life in mediocrity. Now, like I said, I was still having plenty of success in different areas. But it never felt like I wasn't enough. I never felt like I was achieving at a level that I could it always felt like I was leaving something in the tank. And there were days when everything would go really well and you're left feeling like just can't can't get done at a level that I want to get done. And it becomes so frustrating. Now, what if you looked at that time as a child, or even now, feeling like the black sheep and seeing what a gift that is? Because when you live your life like that you're always looking at how things could be better. You're always looking at, well, if this happened this way, and if people were more like this, and if people interacted this way, then there'd be so much more unity, so much more togetherness. So it's actually a gift to grow up like that, because you're always looking at solutions to how to make things better. Part of the challenge is, there's that feeling of not enough of inadequate and that shows up in so many different areas of your life, that you're left wondering whether you can actually make a difference. I want you to know that you absolutely can. That you absolutely are you having far more of a positive difference than you can even comprehend. There will be times there where

people are watching how you do things even though it feels like you're doing it differently and and maybe people even feel coping with cutting you down or leaving you out or as a as a result, and part of them is actually quite taken by the fact that you can be different and seemingly be okay with that. Now, we both know that what's playing out internally for us can feel a little bit different. But just know that you're you're already having a tremendous impact by the fact that you're, you're prepared to own that part of you that that is unique, that does stand out that sometimes doesn't feel like it fits in. And you're already a role model, you're already having such a positive impact. And it may be hard for you to hear, but people are wanting to be more like you. They're wanting to have more of that seemingly self acceptance of who you are, and prepare to do things differently. Sometimes it can play out like, feels like, even within a big group of friends or, or reteam with that sport, or work or, or any other part of life where everyone else seems to have a best in and you feel like you're kind of the the odd person out in that environment too. And you're like, almost everyone's drawn to you at different times, but it doesn't feel like you, you still feel like you're the outsider, right, you still feel like you're the that no one understands you. Really, that's because you're the glue that holds everything together. Which you kind of note right, you already know instinctively that you've got that ability to bring people together to just be there for people when they need it. Which sometimes mean that they might come and get what they need and and then go off and do their own thing. And suddenly you're left on your own again and isolated and wondering how it all got to that space.

The biggest obstacle is that belief in just how much strength there is in that way of seeing the world of wave being in the world. It's such a great gift. And the more you can acknowledge that have that awareness around just how valuable you are by being yourself. And the more you can bring light to how you improve other's lives, then the more you'll be able to bring light to your own abilities, your own positivity, your own influence. And you can start walking taller owning your strength. slowly building more of that belief in yourself more of that desire to have an even bigger impact by helping people get that fulfillment that only comes by by helping but also be strong enough to know that you are worthy and deserving of a place where you do feel included. Whether you do feel like you belong, that you do feel understood.

Because that place is there for you. And it will feel fantastic. In so many ways also you're free to keep being that not even the black sheep slightly gold sheep, right? You are so so valuable, so strong they wouldn't put a financial amount but that that concept of the value of gold run even your family environment and just taking that time to acknowledge that acknowledging all that you do bring to the table. Sure, there are still going to be times even now when I say that where you think Yeah, but I do this, this, this and this, and I can't do this, this and this or I've got this going on. And yeah. But because you're determined and because you're someone that wants to continue to get better you do. And when you get better at living your own life, you get better at your ability to help other people. I think I've already touched on is there's no greater fulfillment. There's no greater joy than seeing the pleasure in someone else's face when you've helped guide them to a bit Replace.

So, keep being that unique individual you keep finding more of your strength to keep stepping into more of your power and keep acknowledging just how valuable you are.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform