Shift your perspective on what relationships are

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is a reaction, both are transformed.” – Carl Gustav Jung

Most of us would limit the idea of relationships to the interaction between people, but the it is in fact defined as, “the way two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected”. Personally, I add to that list, “experiences”. The experience of a relationship is how we view ourselves in relation to the world around us. It is, thus, through our relationships that we experience ourselves. Trough our perception of our experiences we either resist and stagnate or accept, allow and grow. 

Some types of relationships we have are:

• People:
• – romantic
• – familial or tribal
• – professional 
• – hierarchal (governments, religious, etc.)
• – peripheral
• Places
• Experiences
• Plants/animals/planet
• Work/career
• Things
• Concepts/philosophies/morality/ethics
• Self

We tend to see the relationship as the space between ourselves and the object of our relationship. However, in fact, it is the energy and vibration we and the object bring to the relationship that makes up the relationship. The space in between is inconsequential to the experience of the relationship. 

We can never know or assume exactly what the objects of our relationships bring with them as contribution. We can only know what we bring with us. If we are mindful we can observe “who” shows up in our interactions, and by “who” I mean, what aspect of us. Is it a present evolved version of myself or, perhaps a wounded child version of myself? A tell tale sign of who shows up is the frequency of our energy in the interaction. Dr David Hawkins scale of emotional vibrational frequencies is very useful when we check in with ourselves to determine what vibration our manifestations have. If we are stuck in our heads and showing up with our core wounding, we are going to spew fear all over our relationships that are going to attract our karma over and over again, until we learn the lesson and can raise our vibrations.

It is said that, “it takes two to tango”, which is true in its literal meaning, but in relationships the experience is only as constricted as anyone’s perspective of it. In any interaction we are not individually responsible for anyone’s reaction to us, only how we show up in the relationship. Our perception of how the objects of our relationships show up is a reflection of ourselves. When we receive feedback on how we show up it is up to us to use our own discernment as to what resonates with us to take on board. 

Beyond observing ourselves and how we show up in relationships, it is beneficial to observe them from a bird’s eye perspective to understand them in the grander scheme of their purpose in your life experience. Reflecting on the bigger picture and ourselves allows us to determine if the experience is pure, i.e. we don’t have any attachments or conditions for our feelings, e.g. we aren’t attaching our happiness on a relationship, in other words the relationship experience is “pure”. The happiness already exists within us and we don’t need any external trigger to experience it. Every relationship has a purpose and a lesson to give us, will it be immediately apparent what that is? Possibly not, but it is our duty to ourselves to be fully open to what any relationship is there to give us and that we receive it with gratitude. The triggers we experience open the doorway to the wounding they represent for us to heal it and receive the lessons. 

In any experience, as so with relationships, we have three choices:

• Change our own perception of the experience
• Change others’ perception of the experience
• Leave the experience.

As Brian A. “Drew” Chalker wrote, “People [relationships] come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”, and when we accept that we can with a open and clear heart understand their purpose and if or when it is time to leave. Relationships are there for our growth and when we stagnate we need the courage to review them. They can be painful, but appreciating the full range of emotions that you can experience and knowing that every new emotion expands your emotional intelligence, which in turn makes you more empathetic. Empathy allows you to connect at a deeper level with compassion and without judgement, leading to more meaningful relationships.