Uplifters, we are going on a magical musical adventure with this week's guest - world traveler, songwriter, and creativity coach Caroline Scruggs!

Caroline invites us into her radically courageous creative journey and shows us how embracing imperfection helped her find her authentic voice (and resulted in a song about roadkill).

Caroline shares the power of building safe spaces for creative growth and gives us the keys to unlock our vocal confidence - starting with something as simple as a hum - even if like me, you have some deep insecurities about singing.

Caroline's infectious energy and musical manifesto will leave you ready to leap into creative truth and self-expression. So tune in and turn up the volume on inspiration! Allow Caroline's songful story to kindle your own creative spark. You never know what beautiful tones your unique voice might hold. (Bonus: you’ll also learn what a theramin is!)

After you listen, grab your ticket for Uplifters Live on May 17, where you’ll hear the live premiere of our season 2 theme song. You can learn all about this one-day in-person gathering for creative growth and collaboration with the Uplifters Podcast Ambassadors and Community HERE. 💓

You can always listen right here in your email, where you’ll also receive full transcripts (edited and condensed for clarity). But please also subscribe directly to The Uplifters on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Substack, or YouTube, or follow our TikTok for uplifting daily videos. Just click one of those links to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Caroline

Caroline Scruggs is a world-traveling music artist, songwriter, and voice and creativity coach. She has taught 400 creatives around the world to own their voice and express themselves authentically through the tool of songwriting with her virtual programs Uke Camp and Raise Your Voice. She is currently best known, though, for playing the theremin, the world's first electronic instrument and one of the only instruments played without physical touch! https://www.carolinescruggs.com/

Thank you to Julie Hartigan for nominating Caroline for The Uplifters!

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Welcome to the Uplifters podcast. You just heard Julie Hart again from one of our very first episodes of the pod introducing Caroline Scruggs. I've been waiting for months to talk to Caroline and all the while following along on her adventures on Instagram, where she shares her beautifully musical life. She's a world traveling musical artist a songwriter a voice and creativity coach.

As I watch her life on Instagram, I'm so fascinated by the beautiful places in which she creates music with this really unique instrument called the theremin, which I think she'll tell us a little bit about today. And this continuous sense that this is a woman who is out there creating the life she wants for herself in this really intentional and curious and creative way. So Caroline,

I'm so excited to get to know the woman behind that beautiful life. So welcome, Caroline.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Aransas. I'm so happy to be here and that was just such a wonderful intro. I'm honored to be here.

So I know you travel full time. Where are you today?

Well, I think I'm in Georgia right now. I'm on the side of the road, which I realize is unconventional for these kind of things, but for me it's like all of the people who know me know that I'll probably be calling you from the side of the road at some point to teach a class or to have a conversation or whatever. So I'm actually en route to New Orleans today because I will be recording there with one of my bands this week.

recording our first album this weekend and I'm so excited to be there for the month.

What an exciting time. have you recorded albums before?

Well, actually, I, um, yes. The last year and a half of my life has been, creating and recording my premier solo singer songwriter album,

I was coaching a lot more and teaching, and I decided to take off from that and dive full on into my art, which is something that I've never done intensely before. And so my album is finished, I'm so excited, and now it's just a matter of.

of releasing it. So I've decided that I'm going to self-release this year,. And it's this huge complex thing you create this huge thing, but then you have to figure out how you want to share it with the world, right? So that's what I'm in the midst of doing right now. It's a big learning process, but it's so fulfilling.

Oh, I want to hear so much about that. What drove the big shift?

Mm. Man. It was the most organic thing, really. I think that,, if I look back, especially at the last, like, five-ish years of my life,, I was raised a very big people pleaser, I think, as a lot of us can say.

Same girl.

Yeah, and particularly as women., that's a pattern that I see so often with my friends and my clients and my students. I'm 32, the first 25 years of my life, I think I was really in a survival mode kind very focused on what I should be doing. And then life happened and I began to

to get a little bit wiser or at least to have some holy crap moments where I'm like, is this really what I want? And is this, you know,, is this me? Or is this somebody else's dream that I'm finding myself in right now? And I started having more and more of those moments. And so I started paying attention more to what...

what really was calling me and what it felt like the universe was pulling me toward. And I just started going down this crazy winding path, as most of us do, that decide that we're going to say yes to the calls. And a lot of it didn't make sense at the time, as it never does. In hindsight, all of it makes sense.

And it was really, I mean, an amalgamation of things, but I had found the right producer finally after years of searching. I found this guy who we just clicked and we have the chemistry to make, he knows kind of what's in my head and he can put it out into the world or help me do that, which is a very amazing and rare thing as singer-songwriters will attest to.

also, I teach virtual courses around using songwriting and singing and music as tools to empower people. And it was starting to feel not as organic as it felt the entire year and a half that I was doing at Full Force. I just knew it was time to take a step back. I was like, you know what? It's now, I have my producer, that's the sign. I'm gonna fund this thing myself. I had been kind of waiting for some opportunity to come along. And I was just like, you know what? I've proven to myself that I can make money, that I can...

Mm-hmm.

I know that I will make this happen, that I'll be able to fund this big, big investment, and that it just needs to happen. And I felt the call and I leaped, and it was scary as hell. And the last year and a half has been crazy and hard and like a, true test of faith. And I'm so glad that I did it, that I made that leap. So it exactly had to happen exactly as it did.

Mm-hmm.

And here we are.

if you were to utter the most courageous and truest dream for this work, what would it be?

Well, the cool thing is, Aransas, this album actually almost got made three years ago in LA with a completely different producer, a big time producer that has produced albums that you would be familiar with. I'm not gonna name drop, but I got like this crazy opportunity to work with this guy. And it was at a time in my life where I was still

people pleasing, like still kind of breaking out of that mold. long story short, I went into that situation being like, whatever you want to do with my music, you can like, whatever you think will make it successful and make it sell or whatever, like make the labels want it. Let's do it. And, um,

Mm.

And that situation ended up falling through. And it was one of the hardest moments of my entire life. And it made me question everything. And I fell into a pretty deep depression about it and existential crisis and what have you. And then it was great because it was exactly what needed to happen. Because right after that, when I was kind of at this rock bottom place is when I had a really big breakthrough of like, why am I trying to make my art?

for other people, why? And why do we do that?, there's so many things that are messed up about the music industry, you know, just every other part of life and every other part of how art and consumerism have this really funky thing, artists and consumer society and culture. It's a tough balance for the psyche and for the soul.

when I finally, years later, it was coming together and it was this very organic thing I found my producer, I resolved to create this great work of my life thus far, as a testament to myself that I would trust myself and only myself at the end of the day. So, yes, my producer had ideas that we totally went with.

Um, but this piece of work is 100% me authentically, my self-expression., and I did not sacrifice that for one millisecond. And so I have already actually reached my goal with this album because it was in the making of the thing. It was in the creative process versus what the outcome will be. Um, so.

Yeah, like this was my initiation, if you will, into a new level of trusting myself and my creative integrity and who I am as a person.

That's really beautiful. such a truly courageous approach to the creative process, because We all want to share our gifts. And it's that work that is done from the purest place of integrity and authenticity that has the most effect because it feels like truth. It doesn't feel like a big mixed up, mashed up bunch of compromises and lies.

Absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely. And on the other side of the coin, it's like I understand that we do live in a society where the product does matter and profit does matter. That's a part of our reality. That's why it's so wonderful as a creative, which I count all humans as creative.

beings, we come from a creative universe, we are part of this creative universe, it is in our truest nature to be taking things in and then alchemizing them and putting them out of some kind of new thing and that's when we feel the best because it's literally in our chemical makeup, it's a part of nature. some parts of our lives, we do have to focus on that.

on the end thing, on the product, on the profit. And for some singer-songwriters who really wanna make a living right now on their music, they're gonna have to pay more attention to what's trendy today. And I hate that, but I accept that is the reality for some people. However, those people that are taking that art form, they need another creative outlet to really serve their soul and

get to hone in on the creative process. what I like to teach people is if you are a doctor, if you are an author, or if you are a web designer, whatever you are, you have stress in your life that's directly contributed to because of the consumerist psychology that we all have have a little bit because we have to pay attention to surviving and to making money at the end of the day. Well, here's this tool.

that I'm even using myself now of songwriting and of expressing yourself in a really radical way to most people that society has not given us, given permission for us to do, which makes it even cooler. We can stick it to the man and be like, you know what, I'm gonna write a dang song and I don't care if it sounds good. I don't care if it's a hit or not, or if it would make it on American Idol, or how good my voice sounds. I'm just gonna write it.

and get the joy of just playing like you did when you were a little kid,, just seeing what happens when you pick up an instrument and let yourself sing. Gosh, it's so healing and I've seen so many people take it like I have and just be completely enamored and in wonder and awe that they can do that.

Mm-hmm. And I love this idea, too, that we are all creative beings, and we all have deep wells of creative power and potential in us. And yet, I think we grew up in this really binary society that said, you're athletic or you aren't. You are creative or you aren't. You are smart or you aren't.

Yep. 100%, 100%.

And I think, right, maybe we are all, all of those things just in our own, beautifully unique way. is the secret to not, are you yes or no, but how are you?

I love that. I believe that creativity is at the heart of everything and imagination is at the heart of literally everything. It's not about the arts. The arts are this beautiful tool that we have to practice our creativity.

and like juice up our imagination and make sure that the wheels are moving. ? if we can't imagine how somebody else is feeling, then we can't have compassion. Compassion or creativity and imagination are the heart of how we build towns and infrastructures and how vaccines are created.

Mm-hmm.

What if imagination and creativity are the heart of everything we do? And again, the arts are just tools and they're not just tools for the artists, they're tools for every single human that is having this experience here on earth to be able to pick up and practice their creativity, their imagination, they're creating things that aren't here yet because we need every single person on this earth.

to use their gifts and to use their imagination to make the world a better place. And we need it more now than ever before.

So true. And it can only be done in the context of a safe space for creation. And so if we feel under threat or under judgment, it's way harder to tap into those creative instincts. And so even in your story about your album production, it was within this really narrow constraint of what sold,

Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

you felt less empowered to tap into your truest creative instincts. Trust what's already been, which is sort of the opposite of what you're describing as creativity. And so then you got out of that space and said, okay, in this giant ecosystem of possibility where you could go anywhere and do anything and be anything, what would that look like and what would that allow for? So...

Yes.

Yeah. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

As a teacher, as a coach, how do you create context for safe expression?

Yeah, oh, such a great question. it's so important to have an allotted and intentional space, whatever that looks like, whether that's virtual or tangible or whatever. we need spaces and we need structures and we generally thrive off of mentorship or somebody holding that space for us,?

And it's a very special job to not be taken lightly,I have always felt like I have been given a gift very intentionally to be able to hold that space for people to feel safe when they're doing the creating, which is so funny because again, our

Culture kind of says, oh, creativity is so fluffy and light, and we kind of toss it off. When in reality, it's the scariest feeling thing for us, because it shows your vulnerability. When you express yourself and when you're pushing beyond what is known, your fear centers in your brain are like, abort,, don't go there. Just keep doing what society is telling you to do. what if you express yourself in a way that's different and you get rejected and that's so deep into our physiology and it's so normal to feel that way. I still feel that way. You're gonna feel that way forever. And I try to help people realize that, that's okay. we can make friends with our fear and we can chalk it up to this part of our brain that's trying to protect us and it's okay.

that we can realize that and then say, okay, I get what's happening in here. Let's move along and continue on this journey. And it's made so much, I don't wanna say easier, but it feels so much more supported to be witnessed in your creative process, especially at the beginning, and to be kind of held in a space where you,

Mm-hmm.

feel safe to dip your toes in it, especially if you haven't done it since you were a child or a younger person and you've kind of gotten all of that beaten out of you by academia or by your high stress job or by super judgmental friends and family. there's so many reasons why it's so hard for us to claim our creative power these days, especiallythe older you get, right? So...

I love being that person to hold the space for people and to constantly reassure them. I'm like a total dog personality. I'm a dog person and I just love loving on people. I love cheering people on. There's no room for criticism in my courses. It's all about holding people up so that they can heal that part of themselves that's probably been beaten down by their-

Mm-hmm.

and by all of the critics around them. my free course is a three day songwriting experience called Yuke Camp, where I take you through the songwriting process to ignite your creativity for creatives of all kinds. And it's such a cool community, it's such a cool experience. You come out on the other side,

totally revamped and kind of restored faith in humanity and with original songs that you've written and you kind of can't believe it for people who have never written a song before. It's so fun.

Oh, I can tell just by the way you light up when you talk about it. And I think too, there is that need for encouragement, probably in all of us. And as much as now you are creating from this really pure, authentic place, it is still, and I don't think these are opposing thoughts, but it still feels really good when we make something and other people say, oh, I see it. I feel your truth.

Yeah.

and

Yes, yes, it's so good. And that's why, you know, it's so interesting today because we have the internet and boy, what a weird thing. what a wonderful thing and what a weird thing for creatives or for people who wanna delve into something new who do wanna be witnessed in their art. It's hard, right? Because you're doing this really vulnerable thing and there are...

our trolls, , it's not just all rainbows and sunshine out there, like it's a dangerous place for your psyche and for your soul. And so to be able to have a more private space held for you for a certain amount of time that you can enter into, really delve into that part of yourself and feel safe and held in a community that you know is doing the same thing and is there for the same reasons.

Mm-hmm.

And it's this pact that we make that we are going to hold each other for this allotted amount of time for this specific reason and Man, there is there's heavy magic and beauty in that kind of situation

What a healing experience in terms of belief in humanity, if nothing else, right? To hold and be held by one another in that vulnerable place that produces an artifact that could never have existed

Yeah, yes, I love that. I love that.

So you use the phrase embrace the cringe. What does that mean for you and your work?

So this is one of the mantras of my course, Yuke Camp, that campers will always, sometimes they'll attach onto their songs and they're like, okay, I wrote this in half an hour and it really sucks, but I'm embracing the cringe, Caroline, I'm gonna post it. And so it's this idea that, we all have cringing moments that we can think back on.

that we can bring up. Some of us like every day we have a cringy moment or two. And when you really think about those moments, a lot of them are actually moments where we end up saying something or we do something that not only shows our humanity, our imperfectness, but it'll show a little bit more of our authentic selves.

than we want to show, right? It's like when we slip up and we say something, you know, and we're embarrassed by it, well, think about why you're embarrassed. It's because you said something that showed a little bit more of your hand than you wanted to show. And maybe it was something about you that's like actually unique. And again, it's going back to feeling vulnerable. We don't like to put ourselves out there in a way

that is different than the status quo, because then that might lead to rejection. And that's what our fear center of our brain tells us, right? when you express yourself with art, and I keep calling art as tools, that...

Hmm.

It's giving you practice and it will reflect in your everyday life, in how you're showing up in your relationships and how you're showing up in your job and how you're showing up just expressing yourself day to day. And so this is my little story with Embrace the Cringe and exactly what it means in songwriting. So one day I was sitting, playing my ukulele and I was trying to write a song and I was trying to find a word that rhymed with windowsill. Okay. The only thing that kept coming up in my brain was roadkill. And I was like, what the hell?, I can't, Caroline, stop it., you can't, obviously, you can't put roadkill in a song that's gross and that's weird. all those little voices, the inner critic was like, yeah, nobody would

No.

That's so weird, people would think you were weird. And that's what my voices are saying. And sometimes the voices are so cunning in our heads that we don't even realize that that's what's going on. But I've gotten a little bit good at hearing what they're saying and questioning those voices. And so I thought about those voices and I was like, what if I just went with it? What if I just embraced this really cringey feeling and I put the word roadkill?

Hmm.

here., let's see what happens. And I ended up writing this song, and it's called Street Food, and it's just this little ditty, and it's freaking hilarious., it's so weird and morbid and like kind of cute at the same time. And I've played it for a ton of people, and I haven't recorded it yet, but I'm sure that I will one day. But I ended up loving this quirky little song because I let myself go with the thing that came up.

Thank you.

Whereas like if I had just tried to find a more conventional like cool thing, then maybe that song wouldn't be memorable at all,So that's the idea of embracing the cringe and following our whims and trusting what comes up a little bit more. What if instead of when something feels cringey and you get embarrassed and ashamed and run away or try to tamper it down? What would happen if we experimented?

Mm-hmm.

and just said that thing out loud. how would that change how people see us, how we see ourselves? Maybe it would make life way more interesting. And maybe it would make other people feel like they had permission to be a little bit weirder too, because we're all just big weirdos, like inside, you know.

Mm-hmm.

Totally. Also, we're much more dimensional than we give ourselves and each other credit for. are you somebody who perceives herself or presents herself as being funny normally? Like is humor a part of your core? Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, with my friends, I'm super goofy, you know? But I'm not like, no, I don't identify as like the funny person.

Yeah, yeah, I wondered because clearly this song is something that struck a funny chord in you. And I'm the same way. I'm very earnest. And I like that about myself. for a long time, I judged it as being boring and basic. But then I was like, actually, it's just true. It's who I am. I'm earnest. I've always been earnest.

Mmm.

Mm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But if you ask my family, they think I'm hilarious.

I love that.

And right, it's like what we lead with, but we're all these things.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I, to be honest and a bit vulnerable for a minute, like, maybe I'm just, I want to say this because maybe somebody listening can relate to this. I also grew up, like I told you, I grew up as a big people pleaser. I was going for being like, in all honesty, trying to be the, a beautiful

girl who had all of her shit together and who was pretty artsy, but I wanted to appear like a hot chick who was hot and desirable and who really had her shit together. And so to come off as weird or quirky or odd, which was exactly who I actually am through and through and goofy and I'm always making like double chin faces and

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

cartoon character voices. So not the funny girl, but I'm the freaking weirdo in reality. And I didn't start feeling comfortable being that, being myself I just wanted to put that out there if anybody feels that way, because I think a lot of us are raised to be that way.

Mm-hmm.

Run.

Yeah, I mean, I think so interesting. For me, I wanted to be non-threatening. I think that was really the core perception I wanted to give out. So earnest is really nice and non-threatening. Humor has always been a little bit scary because what if you say something that hurts somebody's feelings? And...

Hmm

Mmmm

Yaaaaaay!

So I only feel safe to do that with my family because I know they know me and I know they won't judge me and that they will love me no matter what. And I do think that we all probably have those parts of ourselves that we shy away from because they're not cute.

Yeah. Yes.

Yeah.

or they're not the self that we want to put out there for the rest of the world, for whatever reason.

Absolutely.

Yes, yes, that's exactly right. And it reminds me of, so I have another course that was my main course. And just one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life is called Raise Your Voice. And I will do it again. I'm just not sure when it will happen, it's basically taking women through the journey of healing their relationship

their voice, both their physical voice and their inner voice because they are inextricably linked and it's going through this t because all of us have, this is who I actually am and this is how I present myself as exactly like you and I are talking about and most women are still doing it, like their entire lives, they don't stop and the beautiful thing is when you work on your voice...

Yeah.

and you start intentionally loving your voice instead of being ashamed about it. Because we've also been criticized about how our voice sounds. You're too loud, you're not loud enough. Your voice is too high and whiny. Your voice is too low, you sound like a guy. We are constantly critiqued for our voice and our voice is a direct representation of how we are taking up space in the world. And so when we can do that,

Yeah.

Hmm

from a very empowered, like a true empowered place of love and respect for ourselves, then what is possible for us to achieve that isn't right now with these barriers on us?

I love that. so, so powerful. And again, I don't think it's a binary thing that it's either on or off, but this is continuous work for our entire lives, probably. And I relate to it so deeply because my voice was always the thing everyone talked about. From my earliest memories, people were...

really moved by my voice. People like my speaking voice. They always have. My mom tells stories about when I was five. People thought I was a little person because I had this great big bold voice and this big vocabulary. And it was disorienting to people. And my entire life, it has been the most commented facet of my being. And my singing voice has had the exact opposite effect.

Wow.

My family always teased, you know, oh, that girl can't carry a tune in a bucket. And I got called out in sixth grade choir because they said one little girl is ruining this for everyone. And so I have this very different relationship with my voice, whether it is, I could musically speak and people would respond well, but if I were to sing,

Hmm

No.

Mm-hmm.

the experience has just always been very different. And so I think too, like, if I think about that then as a unifying force, right, those are all true. They're all one person, they're all me, they're all my voice, but the reception of it and the experience for other people and the feedback has been so different over the course of my life.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's so fascinating and it's so unique to you, but it's also common. So many women, we all have our own story of our voice and whether it was particularly our singing voice, whether it was a boyfriend who told you that you were flat in high school when you were singing to him. Singing is one of the most vulnerable acts we can do as people because you can't trade your voice in for a new model.

Yeah.

It is yours through and through. It is the truest version of your heart we put it out into the world and people are careless with it, not intentionally probably, sometimes they are, but it can hurt us in ways that we don't realize we have been hurt and broken.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

And that has direct effects on how we are going about walking through the world. How many women do you know,, will never sing a note, ever?a lot of people not even to themselves in the shower. And when we are free, when we can heal that relationship and free ourselves to sing music, I...

Mm-hmm.

wish that I could just have people experience it. You know, like right now, like I could push a button because I can't tell you how freeing it is for,, women that have done Raise Your Voice and have healed their relationships with their voices and how their lives have changed in very subtle ways and also very major ways when they feel free to let loose in that way It's like an ultimate act of saying,. I am here, universe. I am here taking up space and I'm gonna use this tool, this instrument that I've been given. It's mine and I accept it and I love it wholeheartedly no matter what, it's radical, very radical.

Mm-hmm.

It's radical. It is an act of rebellion too, against the stories we've been told and a reclaiming of space and self. personally I'm taking from it, who cares what I sound like to other people. It's not about the other person's experience of it. Any more than me talking is about anybody else's pleasant experience of it. It's rather my experience of singing. And,

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I really enjoy singing. I really enjoy the act of it.it's never been, it doesn't sound out in the world the way it sounds to me. And I think that disconnect is hard for people,? I think people are so concerned about being misunderstood, or like the podcast, I think every guest I host, I feel like I'm making a pact with them.

Yeah.

to try to give their story to the world in a way that feels true and honest for them.that really matters to us as human beings, that we are understood. And so when your voice out in the world sounds different than it does in your body and in the making of it, it's just a deep misunderstanding. It's like, oh no, this is soul. This feels good in me. How does it sound weird and flat and unmolodic to you? What a miss.

Yeah

100%. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, There's what we want the world to be and then there's like the reality of the world and humans around us and the world is a broken, like tragic.

place, right? And we want so deeply to be like, here I am, accept me. Sometimes it doesn't happen. But that's why I love, what I do when I am teaching, which I've been taking a break from to pursue my own art, which is very important too. But when I get back into my season of teaching, which again is going to begin in a couple of weeks with UCC camp. But it's the same thing with Raise Your Voice. I take my girls on a journey., it's very physical and mental. So we'll work on vocal technique. Like we work on breath support and where actually you activate your body to have these beautiful vocal cords be vibrating. We focus in on how your voice feels, how it

feels to vocalize versus how it sounds. We focus on reflecting on all of the judgments and the critiques and all of the stories that you have stored in your head from a lifetime of judging your voice and of assumptions that you have of other people's thoughts and judgments on your voice. And so we really get into all of these different facets of your voice that you've probably never thought about before.

to give you a more well-rounded and beautiful and loving experience of and perspective on your voice. And then the very end of the course, the course actually comes with a ukulele and we go through writing what I call your heart song throughout the course. And, the last call, all of the women sing their heart song for each other. And maybe they never share this song again, you know, like with anybody else, but they know.

that they are safe and they are held in a space where they have had this healing journey with these women. They've done it all together. And that's enough, to be held to share your voice for people who do and will appreciate and love it for all it is. I want...

Yeah.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

I want women to love their voices and to feel good about them because they deserve to and they need to, like we need women to be raising their voices in much deeper and higher capacities.

Yeah.

Yes, I agree. And I think this idea of uplifting, is an act of expression and of trusting our creative instincts and using our voices collectively, right, within the safe space of this uplifting community of people who innately identify as caring and nurturing and accepting and encouraging.

Mm-hmm.

it ripples out to the most unlikely places.

Yeah, absolutely.

So speaking of unlikely places, you go from place to place playing your theremin.

I do.

I can't be the only one who did not know what a theremin was. Will you just explain that for our audience?

Yeah, you're definitely not the only one. Most people don't know. So the theremin is a very interesting musical instrument. It's the first electronic musical instrument that was invented in 1920 by a Russian physicist. And it is one of the only instruments in the world played without physical touch. So it looks like a wooden box and it has two antennae on either side. And I am waving my hands in front of it.

, it looks like I'm casting spells or something. And it has a very ethereal voice-like or string-like tone to it. it's a very rare thing because it's very difficult to play, but it's my, one of my dearest passions in life is playing this instrument. And it's probably what I'm best known for.

funnily enough, in the world. a couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to connect my love, my deep love of travel, with my deep love of the theremin. And I started traveling and playing it out in really breathtaking natural landscapes with this idea of playing the air and documenting that. And it's just.

grown from there, both my vision and my dream for it and people's attention and interest in it. So yeah, the journey continues.

I love it so much too because when you're doing it, you're playing a unique set of molecules as they have collected in that given place. And so it is as though you were in concert with the air. That's such a cool idea to me.

Mm.

Thanks.

Yes!

I'm glad you think so. I think so too,. I'm generally just playing whatever comes to me in the moment. It's not a pre-decided piece or anything like that. I really enjoy, I'm such a nature girl, and so I really enjoy just...

settling into the moment, looking at the mountains or the desert around me, and then picking up my fingers and seeing what comes out. And I'm also a total romantic, so I romanticize everything. So I like to think that I'm giving that space a voice and a song that it would sing, for a couple of minutes even.

Mmm.

Wow, what a beautiful idea.

So I have to ask you one last question, because it is the most courageous thing I can ask you. What is the first step for women who want to, let's just talk about me. Okay, I'll be honest here. Like I said, singing terrifies me, because I haven't had good experiences with it. What is the first step in breaking through that?

I'm going to do it.

Uh huh.

Yeah, fair. Okay, I love that question.

you said that you do enjoy singing, right? But you just have had bad experiences from the outside. It feels good. I love that. I love that because we already have a starting point there., you do have a positive experience with it. You just also have all of this crap on the outside,?

Mm-hmm. It feels good to me. Yeah.

Hmm.

Right, right.

, but if we can get you to start focusing on the positive on this feeling of like remembering that you love the feeling of singing. And the cool thing is we're all born singers. We come out and we're like, ah! Right? everybody knows the newborn baby cry. It's very shrill and loud.

and they know how to use it because it's a survival mechanism. That's how they communicate what they need. And then you grow a couple years older and we all sing as little kids,? Before the world does its first nasty on us about our voices, we all have this very innocent, pure, authentic...

Yeah.

state of self-expression,, which includes singing. So everybody has sung before at some point, whether they remember it or not. We want to get you back to focusing on and remembering that good positive connotation that you have with your voice. And so what I would suggest is maybe finding a track on...

Mm.

Spotify, something that's really calming to your nervous system. there are those tracks that are like binaural beats or something that's like very atmospheric that you can.

Breaking on through to the other side.

Mm-hmm.

hear the key that it's in, but usually it's not like a crazy moving melody. It's just like, okay. Then I would love for you to sit down, make sure that you feel like you're in a nice, cozy safe space. this is a meditation for all intents and purposes. And, and really it's an embodiment meditation because you're about to use your body. You're about to come into your body and use it to make sound.

Mm.

So make, if you need to have nobody else at home or if you need to lock your door, if you need to light a candle, if you need to put a blanket around you, getting your body really cozy, making your nervous system feel really regulated, putting on that track,then I would like for you to just hum, just hum along with it on one note even. Mmm.

and matching, if you can, to whatever's going on. beginning to vocalize in a really safe, supported space where you can just hone in on the feeling and the vibration of your voice, it'll seem kind of foreign at first, but if you allow yourself to do that three different times, even that will be.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

radically shifting for your nervous system and how it relates to your voice. And then we move on to the next step. And of course, this is just a suggestion that anyone and everyone can try, but especially I would love for you to do it and tell me how it feels and tell me your experience with it and just know everything. Know like when your inner critic comes up and remember that you can just, you can just realize that that's not you.

Nah.

Hmm.

That's not reality. That is your inner critic. And it's just trying to protect you and that you have the choice to say, hmm, hear what you're saying, but we're safe. We're alone. And I like doing this and it feels good. So we're gonna continue to do it right now, Aransas. You know?

Yeah.

What a beautiful rewiring. And it is, what you're describing is actively creating new neural pathways,? By repeating that again and again. that's really exciting and a really beautiful way to do it. And I already heard, my inner critic said, well, you don't know how to match pitch, right? that's the problem. But I think I can hear in that immersive state,

Yep.

Mm, right, right.

how different that experience might be. So I'm down to give it a try. that's how we find our voices by showing up and listening to them and being really present to them. Whether we want to write or speak or sing or simply express our emotions. It is the active practice.

Yikes.

Yeah. Absolutely. Ugh.

of listening and hearing what's there that helps us find that truth. And to me, that's the big takeaway from this conversation.

Yeah, couldn't have said it better. Couldn't have said it better. Oh, Carolyn, thank you so much for being here on the Uplifters podcast, Uplifters. Let's use our weird, wonderful, wacky voices. Let's show up for ourselves. Let's show up for each other with loving acceptance. And let's show up together. Hopefully I'll get to meet Caroline and lots of you on May 17 at our first ever Uplifters Liv e gathering. Please join us in New York City. You can go to Eventbrite and just search Uplifters Live and you'll find us there.

or reach out to me in all the places on social and I'll give you all the details. It would be such a thrill to meet you and hug you in person and to share this beautiful magical day together.