You cannot build without equally destroying and when you finally embrace both sides, you realize why the pursuit of your highest value or your vision is the embracing of both pain and pleasure in the knowledge that you’re both a builder and a destroyer. You cannot do one without the other. Join Dr Demartini and discover the deeper meaning to your life, your mission and your vision.

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You cannot have one sided situations.

And what's interesting is if you go actually into the moment when you're

perceiving something that you're looking up to,

you're simultaneously contrasting it.

This topic, believe it or not,

is a law that you might not have ever thought about, or maybe have,

the conservation law,

it's a symmetry law in physics started around the 1850s.

Even though it was actually referred to way before that even all the way into

ancient Greece, but I'd like to discuss that and how it relates to your life.

And hope you have something to write with and write on because what I'm gonna

say, some of it is gonna be eyeopening

and shatter possibly some typical thinking or myths that you might

have. I'm gonna start out at the subatomic world.

Let me move this down a bit. Let me get a better position here. There we go.

At the very quantum level,

at the subatomic down into what they call Planck's dimensions,

there's a quantum vacuum throughout all of space.

And in there,

there are emerging particles that emerge and submerge

into and out of existence, called degeneration, annihilation of particles.

And there's a beautiful symmetry,

an elegant symmetry that occurs at this very micro level,

the most subtle level that we know. At the atomic level,

we have atoms that emerge, ionize, and then recombine.

So they break down and then they recombine and build back up again.

So there's kind of a destruction in building or a building and destruction

process going on, at the subatomic level and at the atomic level,

even at the subatomic level,

the subatomic particles are emerging and submerging,

just inner penetrating wave of emergence and submergence.

At the molecular level, molecules are forming and breaking apart.

They're undergoing oxidation and reduction,

and they're also going into union and division.

On larger macromolecules inside our body, or inside cells,

biomolecules are actually assembling and disassembly, building and destroying.

The actual cell itself is actually undergoing mitosis,

generation of new cells, and apoptosis, a destruction of cells.

And then of course at the tissue level,

the tissues are remodeling and neuroplastically or bioplastically,

osteoplastically, musculars, the muscles, the bones, the nerves,

all tissues are rebuilding and destroying, building and destroying,

remodeling at all times. Our organs are actually recycling.

Some are more slowly like the heart and nervous system.

Some are rapidly like intestines and lung, skin.

But also inside our own life,

we also have times when we have what they call

anabolism and catabolism, the building and the destroying of our body,

parasympathetic and sympathetic.

We also have a state where we call pride and shame, psychologically,

and the nervous system is literally creating transmitters that make you feel

good and feel bad, build and destroy.

You sometimes build yourself up and puff yourself up and then beat yourself back

down again, and vice versa.

And then we get in relationships and there's times when we support each other

and times we challenge each other.

Sometimes we feel like they're building each other up.

Sometimes we feel like we're putting each other down, praise reprimand,

of this nature. And in the family, sometimes there's peace and war,

cooperation competition.

And then we look in larger social dynamics in a business there's cliques that

support and others that challenge,

and build and destroy is going on and companies that build and keep centrically

growing at the expense of other companies that are dying. In fact,

if you look very carefully, you'll see that this building and destroying,

this creative instruction to destructive creation is occurring there.

On a larger scale there's also a law called the law of eristic escalation,

in chaos theory that anytime you try to build something and try to promote

something,

somebody with an opposite set of values comes in and does what he can to destroy

it. And just like our body must have building and destroying,

in order to remodel itself and to adapt and be resilient to a changing

environment, society must do that.

And that's why there have so many values and spectrum of values of supporters

and challenges. And in language, we've got synonyms and antonyms,

for building and destroying, similars and differences it's called.

On the geology,

we have building of the earth and we have a destruction of the earth.

We have plumes and plunges geologically. In the atmosphere,

we have rising and heating and cooling,

building the atmosphere and subduing and condensing it,

at the equator and at the . And the atmosphere, outer atmospheres,

building and destroying are going on with ionizing and de-ionizing fluctuations

with cosmic particles. And the solar system itself, believe it or not,

has a history, has a life cycle. They last maybe 10 billion years,

but they build and destroy.

There's a complete life cycle to the solar system itself.

And the galaxy is actually building stars as it's pulling into the black hole

dying stars. So stars are dying and ones are born.

And at the moment they're dying,

the other ones are born and there's this conservation law that makes all energy

and matter at all those scales conserved.

So you're thinking,

what does that have to do with human psychology or human behavior in my life or

whatever? And by the way,

this is also contemplated by some of the greatest astrophysics

masters from Stephen Hawking to Roger Penrose to Einstein and others,

about the universe, is it building and destroying? Well,

one of the laws that's basically observed by Clausius and others was this

conservation, symmetry law, mathematical symmetry,

this elegant mathematical symmetry,

Brian Green and others describe this in their work.

Your life demonstrates this law. I've been teaching the Breakthrough Experience,

one of my signature programs now for 32 plus years.

And I have people come in there and they're infatuated with people,

but the moment they infatuate with somebody,

they're also resenting the opposite behavior.

If you infatuate with somebody that's intelligent,

you might resent people that are kind of ignorant.

You infatuate with somebody beauty, you might resent somebody being around ugly,

whatever you infatuate with that you look up to and you build up in your mind,

you also cut down the thing that's the opposite.

And these pairs of opposites are part of nature,

and Heraclitus the sixth century, fifth century,

BC philosopher and, and Hegel, and many others, Will Durant, Plato,

many of them all understood this law. So how's that relate to your life?

In the Breakthrough Experience,

I teach people that you cannot have one sided situations.

And what's interesting is if you go actually into the moment when you're

perceiving something that you're looking up to,

you're simultaneously contrasting. Wilhelm Wundt,

one of the founders of psychology said that there's what they call simultaneous

contrast, that our perceptions of our senses are contrasted,

so they're seeing both sides at once,

but you're usually conscious of one and unconscious of the other.

So when you're conscious of the upsides and you're now infatuated with something

you're blind to the downsides. And when you're conscious of the downsides,

you may be blind to the upsides.

So you could be infatuated or resentful or be proud or shamed of yourself.

And you're actually not seeing both sides, but actually both are there.

And every time we have something, we meet somebody and we think, oh my God,

this is, so this is amazing this person, you find out days, weeks, months later,

you find out, oh, there's downsides.

Wisdom is knowing that this law prevails.

And this law is something that occurs in human psychology as it occurs in every,

every scale. And so to think that when you're proud of something,

you're actually conscious of only the upsides you're doing,

and you're assuming that what you did in the past had more

advantages than disadvantages, more positives than negatives,

but somebody with a completely different set of values,

the pairs of opposite values in the world,

may see what you're doing constructive as destructive.

You can see people doing things, trying to create to GMOs, for instance,

to try to give people the opportunity to have harvest in droughts and bug

resistant systems and they could see that as a good thing and are proud of it.

And somebody else can see that as detrimental to the gene code and damaging

the genetics of people, and they may see it as evil. Somebody may build it up.

Somebody may put it down. It is neutral.

So I wanna make a statement that all things are neutral until somebody with a

slightly narrowed mind and a subjected bias with their own particular value

system, imposes a positive or negative on something and sees it as something

constructive or destructive, building or destroying, good or evil,

positive or negative, whatever. But in fact,

all the events in life are both sides. And at first you're gonna think, well,

wait a minute now, this is bad,

but I've been in the Demertini Method I've been presenting in the Breakthrough

Experience for many, many years now, 30 something years,

I've been showing people that inside this thing you think is terrible,

is something terrific. And inside this terrific is something terrible.

The Chinese Daoist idea of seeing both sides

was a profound principle that we've somehow overlooked sometimes in our moral

hypocritical views, they're very black and white.

If we are sitting in an absolute moral construct that this is all bad and all

good, we're blind, we're not looking at the other potential side.

Even the villains in society make it possible for the heroes.

You can't have a hero without a villain.

The heroes of 9/11 became a byproduct of some of the villains of 9/11.

And so you really can't separate the inseparables or divide these indivisibles

or label these unlabelbles or polarize these unpolarizables or separate these

inseparables.

They're like two poles of a magnet and you don't have one without the other.

And so to think you're going to build something, I always say, well,

if you're gonna build a building, you gotta destroy some earth,

you gotta destroy some minerals, some mining, some trees, some chalk,

all the things of the earth, something maybe from the sea,

you're going to need all of that to build something.

But you may not be cognizant of what the destruction is at the time you build.

So I teach people,

instead of taking credit and then being blind to the blame,

and then finding somebody that comes in and blames you for the thing you took

credit for, then be hurt by that because you're addicted to the praise,

the addiction to praise is what draws in the criticism,

which stops you from actually seeing both sides and take no credit and blame.

Because if you take credit,

you puff yourself up and you lose your authentic self. And if you take blame,

you put yourself down and deflate yourself and you lose your authentic self.

Your authentic self is the center of those two polarities.

It's a transformative system.

I always say a master lives in a world of transformation,

not the illusions of gain or loss, not the illusions of pride or shame,

not the illusions of build or destroy, but transformation.

I've been teaching people, I've been showing people in my grief process,

dissolving grief in people since 1984,

thousands of people and showing people how we only grieve the loss of things we

infatuate with in people, or we grieve the gain of things we resent.

And we only relieve the things that we gain in people we admire,

or we feel a relief when we lose the things we despise.

But if we carefully and have a balanced view and realize that every human

being's got things we like and dislike,

we can actually adapt and have resilience passing through life without the

illusions of relief or grief,

we can actually put those two together and experience love.

I always say love is a complete pair of balance of pairs of opposites.

And I'm a firm believer that if you ask the right questions and ask,

in the Demartini Method I teach in the Breakthrough Experience,

I have a series of questions that in a sense,

hold you accountable to see this great law, see both sides.

Accounting means to bring your mind into account and to bring balance sheet to

it, to be able to show that the assets and liabilities,

the positive negatives are all accounted for.

So if you're taking credit for something and you're not,

you're ignoring the blame, you're gonna puff yourself up.

And then when you get puffed up, the second you go into above equilibrium,

you attract challenging, tragic events and whatever to humble you back down,

pride before were the fall. And when you go down, people lift you up.

If I walked in a room and you came up to me and you said very nice things about

me and praised me of something.

And I went and I put myself below what you wanted to put me at and I humbled

myself below what you put me, you'd keep lifting me up,

you'd keep praising me if. I was humble and said, well, thank you, but you know,

talk to my girlfriend, she may have another view about that.

And I humble myself, If I humble myself lower than what you wanna put me,

you'll keep lifting me up.

But if you walk in and say nice things about me and I go, well,

it's about time you realize how magnificent I am.

And I puff myself up way beyond what you imagine, you'd immediately cut me down,

because there's an innate kind of an intuitive equanimity process in nature,

equilibrium theory or equity theory,

that's trying to get people to be on the same levels instead of having these

distortions.

So the conservation law works in our life in ways that we may not have seen.

It's trying to make sure we don't puff ourselves up and take credit for things

that are exuberant. And then go around and unconsciously be blaming ourself.

I've taken thousands of people through a process where they go, I say,

go to a moment when you're most puffed up, most proud, most accomplished,

you feel you've done something amazing and take credit for it.

Go to that moment and I guarantee you in that exact moment,

if you identify where you are, when you are, exactly what you did,

who you did it to, who perceived it and hold your mind there,

you'll find out in another area of your life,

you're actually beating yourself up. You're actually feeling, yes,

I've succeeded over here, but I did it at the expense of my spouse,

or I did over here I did really well with business, but my health is down.

It's called the licensing effect.

If you go out and you go out and work out and get in really good shape or

whatever, then you go, oh, now I can have some wine or chocolate or something.

And you give yourself permission because you have a homeostat inside to give you

authenticity. And anytime you go up above it,

you automatically have forces bringing you back down to get you authentic.

I really believe that our physiology, our psychology, our sociology,

even possibly our cosmological theology,

is trying to help us individually or all life forms really, not just humans,

but all life forms,

have homeostasis to maximize its ability to procreate and create

and live on. And we all live and die.

But there's gonna be a building and destroying.

We're just renting out some bodies for a while.

But the reality is that if we get ourselves and puff ourselves up and take

credit and puff ourselves up, we lose our identity. We go into a false persona,

a mask, a facade, and inflate ourselves into elevated self-esteem,

self-righteous, arrogant kind of component of credit without blame.

And we need the blame to get us back down and to deflate that expanded

place and get us back in the center. That's why if you get credit or, you know,

credit and praise and build up,

you need the other at the same time to keep you back in center.

And if you put yourself down,

people lift you up and support you and lift you up.

So I'm here to say that we're not here to take credit or blame.

We're here to learn and keep focused on the chief aim.

The chief aim is our objective path.

Everybody has a set of values and priorities that they live their life by.

And whenever you're living by your highest priority, you're most objective,

and objective means balanced, neutral, whole,

and subjective means biased, partial, opinion.

And the second you are living by your highest values,

you become more objective and you embrace both sides of your life.

You embrace your hero and your villain, your builder and destroyer,

you're a transformer. That's why I think there's immortality there. Our

authentic self is our state of unconditional love,

where we embrace resiliently the build and destroy of life,

the praises and reprimands,

and don't get caught in the trivial pursuit of those labels.

But the second we go into our lower values and we go and get our blood glucose

and oxygen go into our amygdala where we wanna avoid pain and seek pleasure.

We now put a moral hypocrisy together. We're trying to avoid this and seek this,

and we're trying to get this and so then we are get addicted to praise,

get addicted to pride, addicted to fantasies.

And the more we get addicted to one side, the other side haunts us.

And that's what distress is.

See when you're pursuing challenges that inspire you,

you have eustress and wellness and embrace both sides of life and realize you're

building and destroying,

and there's gonna be pleasures and pains and positives and negatives in the

pursuit of something deeply meaningful. The mean,

the mean between pairs of opposites.

Even Aristotle in his work on the golden mean,

and the virtue was between two vices of build and destroy.

Go look up his work on that. And he understood that.

But the second we go in there and we beat ourselves up and we go to a moment

where we're actually in shame, we'll find out that deep inside our consciousness

we have the other side. I've been doing this for decades now.

And I guarantee you, you are not,

if you're under the illusion that you're proud or shamed,

you're holding yourself back from realizing the magnificence of who you are.

So our amygdala constantly wants to avoid one and seek the other.

We get addicted to this thing of one sidedness.

And we keep attracting the other. Jung called it the shadow.

The Buddha says the desire for that which is unobtainable and the desire to

avoid that which is unavoidable is the source of human suffering.

We suffer when we're trying to get rid of half of our life and get only one

sidedness. You don't have to get rid of half of anything to love yourself.

You don't have to get rid of half anybody else or the world to love the world

and the people around you. You just need to understand the conservation law,

that there's two sides and it can't be building without destroying.

There can't be support without challenge.

There can't be kind without cruel and the nice without mean,

and the positive without negative and the peace without war and things.

They're both there.

And our amygdala wants us to get rid of half of it and get the other half.

But even the global peace index,

it's registering one of the largest collection of the

war on the planet, shows a perfect balance year by year.

We live in a fantasy sometimes because we're tortured by the nightmare

and the nightmare's the byproduct of the fantasy.

I always say depression is a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy

that unrealistic expectation you get addicted to.

As long as you're looking for one side, pride without shame,

positive without negative, happy without sad,

as long as you're trying to get a one sided world and not embracing life as it's

whole, you won't have a life of meaning.

You'll have a hedonistic pursuit of immediate gratifying

bring you unexpected pains, and you'll keep suffering.

And that's a sign of ignorance because if you're infatuated with something

you're ignorant of the downside,

if you're resentful to something you're ignorant of the upsides.

Go beyond ignorance, have a transcendent awareness,

understand that there's two sides. Don't see build without destroy.

Don't see destroy without build. You can't, the body itself when a cell dies,

it releases a pheromone, a hormone, a neurotransmitter

cell signal molecule morphogen that goes on and causes another cell to be

birthed. It causes mitosis, every time there's an apoptotic death,

there's a mitosis. And every time there's a mitosis,

there's also a chemical signal that goes out and kills another cell.

Cuz the cell has to, the body in order to maintain itself,

has to have a metabolism with anabolism and catabolism, build and destroy,

and the cells have to do that to keep the same thing.

If all we had is building of cells, we'd look like Jabba in Star Wars.

You have to have build and destroy and society must have that.

And that's what keeps you going. If you get supported and built up and proud,

you become juveniley dependent on it. If you get challenged and put down,

you get precociously independent,

and you need both of those to maintain a proper growth rate,

maximum growth and development occurs at the border of support and challenge,

build and destroy.

So I'm just kind of developing a little bit here today on the power

of the conservation law.

And the reason it's there is because maximum growth and development must have

it. So I don't have a fantasy. I did until I was about 30.

I had a fantasy of being one sided.

I did a research project trying to be demonstrating that I could only be one

sided, always positive. Nope, never have happened.

I found out by age 30 that was a delusion.

And I started probing deeper into how human psychology and physiology and

physics works. And one thing I assure you,

is you can either wake up to this realization now or struggle some more,

try to get a one sided world and frustrating yourself,

but there is a conservation law, it works at all scales of existence.

It works inside your psyche. It works in your physiology.

It works in your daily life. You're going to pay a price and you know,

it's interesting if you try to get something for nothing or try to give

something for nothing, you're non sustainable.

rob other people of dignity, accountability,

and also as a devaluation of self and then it tends to lead to, you know,

the other side. Narcissistic acts also is not going to work,

trying to get something for nothing or trying to give something for nothing

doesn't last.

We've all been in business probably where we've tried to get something for

nothing and not do a fair exchange to the customer and the customers go away and

bad reputation occurs, you know, destroys our reputation,

cuz we're trying to get something for nothing. If we're going altruistically,

we erode our profit margins and we're outta business. So we gotta find equity.

If you study equity theory,

you realize that nature's trying to get us all in a state of equanimity,

authenticity,

and authenticity and have a sustainable fair exchange between us and all of the

living organisms. And therefore, if we perceive things from that perspective,

we maximize our potential.

If we put people on pedestals and we see the upsides and not the downsides and

we minimize ourselves and see the downsides not the upsides relative,

we're gonna inject their values,

trying to live in their values and we're gonna end up beating ourselves up,

trying to live in somebody else. Einstein said,

if you're a cat trying to swim like a fish, you're gonna beat yourself up.

You're gonna be second at being somebody else instead at first being you.

And if you put somebody down and criticize 'em and try to get them to live in

your values, it's futile, you try to live in somebody else's values it's futile,

because nature gives feed back a beautiful futility feedback to

try to let you know that doesn't work.

What works is sustainable fair exchange from having equity between you and other

people and equanimity. And that means the fair exchange has to be balanced.

You can't build something on one side at the destruction, it's a non zero sum.

It's a zero sum game.

But if you do a non zero sum game and have a beautiful transaction between

people,

you have sustainability and you have equanimity and you have fulfillment.

That's why we have a sensory cortex for receiving and a motor cortex for

serving. And that's why we must allow ourselves the law of conservation,

the symmetry. It's a beautiful symmetry of nature.

It's the actual elegant symmetry. It's the order.

It's the magnificent, hidden order that's sitting in life.

And I define love as a synthesis and synchronicity of complimentary opposites,

the pairs of opposites. And when they're in perfect equilibrium,

we experience love.

So I'm gonna summarize by saying that the conservation law works in all

scales of existence. We are part of bit. We can escape it.

Let's use it to our advantage. Let's honor our real self. Take no credit,

take no blame. Just keep focused on chief aim.

The name of the game is thank you, I love you.

I think that's what equity theory equanimity is about.

That's what helps us have less noise in our brain and helps us wake up our

genius. That's what helps us in business transactions.

That's what helps us in financial management.

It helps us in our daily relations with people cuz people wanna be loved and

appreciated for who they are. They don't wanna be looked down on or built up.

They don't wanna be put down or built up. In are social life.

We don't wanna have that, in our physical body, if we go one side or the other,

we get illness. And then our spiritual path,

we're not here to be above or below. We're here to be in the heart.

So don't put people on pedestals or pitch, put 'em in your heart.

The conservation law is really an expression of love.

So I just wanted to kind of go over that a little bit.

Just in case you had to think,

we started from the subatomic all the way to the astronomic and in between.

And we're in the heart of it all.

So make sure you take the conservation law and take it to your heart and realize

that if you, you know, no matter what you've done or not done,

you're worthy of love, you're participating in a transformation.

The master lives in a world of transformation,

not the illusions of gain and loss.

Also there's one thing I would just like to share with you.

I just talked about the hidden order you might say, the hidden symmetry of life.

I have a free on-demand masterclass called the Discover The Hidden Order That

Unites and Empowers Us All.

This program is going to help you see the hidden order in the chaos,

help you understand the law I just mentioned here on conservation.

Please take advantage of it. You can't listen to it without your mind, you know,

expanding and playing. And that's what all these little classes are.

They're basically just to wet your appetite, expand your thinking process,

get you in motion and help you ground yourself into the magnificence.

Cuz the magnificence of the way life is,

is far greater than any fantasies we impose on it.

So give yourself permission to honor the conservation law and live

masterfully in the heart with equanimity and equity.

And the conservation law will be amazingly demonstrating in your life if you

open your eyes. And come to the Breakthrough Experience,

in the Breakthrough Experience I can help you have a deeper realization of that

law and how it applies.

So you can have more empowerment in all the seven areas of life and master your

life.

So please take advantage of the masterclass I just

hidden order.

Take advantage of the Breakthrough Experience and thank you for joining me