I’ve lost count of how many conversations I’ve had with solo business owners who start to spiral because the important things aren’t getting done. Their confidence takes a real knock, and they start to believe there’s something wrong with them. In this week’s episode I share the the three main mistakes I see people make that mean they’re setting themselves up for failure instead of success, and what to do about it

Read the blog: Four things that make solo business owners feel a bit stupid (and why they shouldn’t)

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Quiet Action, Big Impact

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Quiet Action, Big Impact

Foreign.

Welcome to Unfrazzle, a podcast for solo business owners with a big vision who are ready for a kinder, more sustainable approach to productivity.

I'm Louise Miller and each week I share bite size insights to help you step away from the hustle, stop faffing and stay focused so you can make your brilliant ideas happen and make a bigger impact in the world.

And before we dive into today's episode, if you enjoy what I'm sharing here on Unfrazzle and you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a cuppa by going to buymeacoffee.com louisemiller and making a one off donation.

I'll pop a link to that in the show notes.

Okay, grab yourself a cuppa and let's get started.

You wake up one morning feeling particularly motivated, ready to up your game, filled with determination and positivity, and you commit to writing a new blog every week.

Then time goes by and six months later you can't understand what happened.

Because despite your best intentions, you were lucky if you managed to write one blog a month.

And you wonder why you can't just stick to the plan and do what you said you were going to do.

Always on the lookout for an opportunity to stick their nose in, your inner critic joins in with a tirade.

You're utterly useless.

You'll never be able to run a successful business.

If you can't even write one blog a week, why do you even bother trying?

So that's a bit harsh, isn't it?

And the logical part of your brain knows that it isn't really true.

But the more you keep not doing the things you said you were going to do, the harder it is to brush those thoughts off.

Because what if it is true?

What if actually you are just a bit rubbish?

So if you do ever find yourself going down that line of thinking, I want to stop you right there because you categorically are not rubbish.

And I've actually written a blog telling you why you're not rubbish.

And I'll pop a link to that in the show notes.

If you want to go have a read of that, that link will be there for you.

But today what I want to do is to talk about what has really happened, what really went on in this situation, in this scenario that's made you feel so crappy.

I'm going to share three main mistakes.

I see people make that mean they're setting themselves up for failure instead of success.

And obviously I'm going to tell you what to do about it.

I'm not going to leave you hanging.

So the first thing you know, what really happened that made you feel so rubbish, all that has really happened is that you set an expectation for yourself that you were never going to be able to meet.

Not because you're an idiot, but because you underestimated how long it would take.

That is all.

And everyone does it right.

It's not just you.

Now, you might come back at me with a counter argument about how someone you see online is talking about how they write one blog a week, so you should be able to do that too.

And the fact that you can't is proof that you are in fact rubbish.

And my response to that is that you are not them.

You have no idea how much support they have in their business and in their life, how much time they spend on client delivery compared to you, how much other marketing and networking they're doing compared to you.

Their creativity works differently to yours.

They're able to write one blog a week, perhaps in a frenzy of inspiration, whereas your creativity needs more time to gather thoughts, form ideas and articulate them in a way that lands.

And neither of those approaches is right or wrong.

It's just very individual.

So I'm going to say it again.

The reason you didn't do the thing you wanted to do.

So in the example I gave earlier, the reason you didn't write one blog a week, or whatever that is for you, is because you underestimated how long it would take.

All you did was set an expectation for yourself that wasn't realistic.

So there really is no need to give yourself such a hard time.

Now, that doesn't mean that you should accept it will always be that way.

Far from it.

There are some simple things you can do to make sure that you're not setting yourself up to fail.

And so let's take a quick look now at the three main mistakes people make when it comes to this stuff.

So mistake number one is not looking at the bigger picture first.

So if you're going around setting expectations for yourself willy nilly without first thinking about what you're actually trying to achieve in your business, chances are you're going to end up trying to do too much or prioritizing the wrong things.

So, for example, if your goal is to grow your email list so you have a bigger audience next time you launch, instead of writing one blog a week, you might be better focusing your attention on pitching to be a guest on other people's podcasts.

So take a moment to think about what you're trying to achieve and the Things you need to prioritize to make that happen, and then check that the expectations you're setting for yourself are aligned with that.

This is also a really great way of preventing yourself from taking on too much.

Makes it a lot easier to see what you might let go of.

At least for now, you know you can pick things up again later.

So that's the first thing.

The second mistake I see people make is not considering how much time and energy they have available.

So when we're feeling inspired, maybe we just got home from a really epic conference or we had a really brilliant call.

In a community we're part of, it's very easy to make grand, sweeping statements about all of the things you're going to do.

I'm going to start a podcast, I'm going to set myself up on TikTok, email my list every day.

And I get it.

Those things feel exciting.

But when exactly are you going to do them?

By making those sorts of decisions and declarations without first looking at your diary to see what's already on your plate, you're setting yourself up to fail before you even start.

Because how will you write one blog a week?

Going back to that example, if your diary is already full with client delivery, networking, showing up on socials, laundry, and feeding the kids.

So before you make a commitment to doing something new, look at your diary.

Consider the time and energy you have available.

And if you're already at capacity and that thing is important, what will you let go of to create space for that new thing and then moving on to mistake number three, and that is using other people as a benchmark for how long something should take.

So I've already touched on this, but I'm going to repeat it because I can't say this often enough.

We are all wired differently and we can never know what's already going on in someone else's life and business.

So as that saying goes, right, don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.

Just because someone else can do something quickly and easily doesn't mean that you should be able to follow suit and that if you can't, there is something wrong with you.

So how about instead of worrying about how long it takes other people to do things, you start paying attention to how long it takes you to do things and then take that knowledge with you into your planning.

So hopefully by now you're seeing that you're not a failure just because something took longer than you thought it would.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You just got a bit over excited.

And try to do too much.

So what I would love to invite for you to try is just to see what happens when you pause to remember what you're trying to achieve.

Embrace your own natural pace and create expectations that align with that.

And check your capacity before deciding to commit to something new.

And I think you'll find things a lot more easeful.

And I think you'll find that that pesky inner critic will have far less to shout at you about.

And I can't promise that you're always going to get it right.

This is an art more than a science, after all.

But you will be much less likely to underestimate how long it takes to get something done, and much more likely to be kind to yourself when things go awry.

Which they will, because you're human.

And just to prove that this is not just theory, it's not just me making all of this stuff up, I want to tell you what one of my clients said.

So one of my Make It Happen Club members.

She'd been with me in the club for a year and she sent me an email saying I now have a much kinder relationship with myself.

I feel excited to write about what I have achieved each month, and I can look with kindness, not judgment most of the time on what I didn't get done and work out what adjustments I need to make for the next month.

Now, doesn't that feel like a much more appealing way of working than constantly trying to meet expectations that are completely unrealistic and blaming yourself when it doesn't work out?

So if you want to experience that way of working too, then I'll pop a link in the show notes about Make It Happen Club.

Have a little look at how Make It Happen Club can help you be more productive.

When you join us in the club, I will guide you through a planning process that works every month, meaning you'll be setting yourself up for success month after month.

So I'll pop the link to that in the show notes, but in the meantime, I hope that what I've shared today helps and I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Thank you for listening to Unfrazzle.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who needs a dose of calm productivity in their life and I'd love it if you could leave me a rating and a review as that will help more people discover this podcast.

If you'd like to hear more from me to help you stop faffing and take back control of your time, you'll find a link to join my mailing list in the show notes.

I would really love for you to join us.

So thanks so much for your support, and I look forward to seeing you next time.