Join us for a special Valentine's Day edition of What the Health as we dive into the world of online dating with America's top online dating expert, Julie Spira. Discover why more singles are turning to digital platforms to find love and companionship, learn about the transformation of dating over the last 30 years, and get essential tips for creating a standout online dating profile. 

Julie shares her insights on navigating digital romance, from setting realistic expectations to utilizing AI and dating coaches. Whether you're young or mature, looking for a lifetime partner or just a good date, this episode provides valuable information to enhance your online dating experience.

00:00 Introduction: The Challenge of Finding Love

01:08 The Rise of Online Dating

01:54 Expert Insights: Julie Spira on Digital Love

03:06 The Evolution of Online Dating

05:57 The Role of Matchmakers vs. Digital Matchmakers

07:35 Julie Spira's Approach to Online Dating

10:33 Demographics and Trends in Online Dating

13:34 Creating an Effective Dating Profile

22:17 Political and Social Factors in Online Dating

28:26 Misconceptions and Success in Online Dating

32:20 Conclusion: Finding Love in the Digital Age

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And yes, there is the traditional option of going on blind dates set up by well meaning friends and family members, but that's a dicey proposition as well. Think about it. Your grandmother. Or your neighbor's idea of the perfect partner might not stack up with your idea for an ideal mate. It's not surprising, then, that an increasing number of singles are looking online to find a partner, whether that means a lifetime companion or someone just to hang with.

And it's not just the young who are looking online. Mature adults are also turning to any one of the hundreds of dating services to find romance. Now, All of this naturally begs the question of whether these services work at making lasting connections. And if they do, how does someone increase their odds of finding true love or at least some decent companionship via these platforms?

Our next guest may not have all these answers, but she has a lot of them. She's a recognized expert on finding true love in the digital age. Keep listening.

Well, with the approach of Valentine's Day there's probably nothing more appropriate than figuring out how people Meet their significant other or at least a significant other in their life. And to do that for this edition of What the Health, we're welcomed and we're privileged to bring in Julie Spira, who is, identified as America's top online dating expert and also the founder of Cyber Dating expert.

So Julie, welcome to our broadcast and hopefully you can give us some insights on how people are meeting their significant others or at least a significant other in their life. So welcome.

[00:02:39] John Salak: okay. And we, we spoke before the broadcast began. You have been involved in helping people with dating and there may be better ways to say that. So please feel free to correct me, but for some time now, correct?

[00:03:06] John Salak: And I imagine that's changed over the last 30 years. dating myself 30 years ago. There probably wasn't online dating systems was email in place 30 years ago? It may have been, but obviously the technology has changed and maybe the approach has changed. And what we're seeing now is online dating.

Is it more popular than ever online dating?

Well now that we are looking at the latest data for 2 0 2 2 20 22

[00:04:02] Julie Spira: Certainly, things changed during the pandemic, but that number went from 2% to 53%. So online dating is the number one way that couples are meeting heterosexual couples in the United States. I would say it's been the number one way since, maybe.

[00:04:44] John Salak: So what's bringing about the change? Remote working has eliminated the chance to meet people at work as easily or readily as it used to be, I would assume. Is it just that people don't trust their friends anymore or is it the remote nature of work and socialization?

I'd like to fall in love and they basically are going online because they're hearing, Oh, my next door neighbor met somebody in match. com and got

[00:05:31] Julie Spira: They're meeting people. And it's very unusual for anyone out there to say, I don't know anyone who met online, not these days. Yeah.

[00:05:57] Julie Spira: Oh, I think there's a huge market for traditional matchmaker. Matchmakers typically like to work with men. And there are a lot of female clients that I have because that I like to send them my matchmaker friends and they say, well, we're not taking women. And I go, how do you match people if you're not taking women?

So matchmakers really deal with their database and the people that they know and they have met through their database, what I do is I'm a digital matchmaker. I actually have a trademark for digital matchmaker. It's my brand. And as the digital matchmaker, it's a hybrid approach. So when I coach singles, And a lot of traditional matchmakers are doing a great job coaching singles as well.

The number is amazing. We hit 60 million people. 60 million people. So my database, depending on the site that I'm using is gigantic. And that number is expected to go up to about 66 million in 2028. So the numbers are growing. So we have a really large database. And I would say that there is a wonderful market for traditional matchmakers, and I'm very excited about the work that I do as the digital matchmaker.

is that a fair assessment versus let's say just going to, I don't want to say just going to match. com or some other service where there's an algorithm or technology that are just matching likes and interests.

And why are you dating the same type of person over and finding failed relationships? And then we look at these unrealistic expectations and the long lists of the perfect person. And then we really hone it down to the list of traits that somebody's looking for to make it more realistic for someone to find a match that is their perfect match.

Then we work on the dating app profile. And then I decide with them, which is the best app. What's the best app for you? If somebody is looking for marriage and children, I might post their profile one place. If somebody is looking to just meet a lot of people to go on fun dates because they got out of a really long marriage and they never really had a chance to date.

So people have different dating goals. But we work on the dating app profile and it's. That's really fun. We do a photo shoot and we pick out the outfits and then we pick out the best 10 photos and put them on the site. And then we finally go to the matching chatting and meeting.

And that's really also a fun process because people evolve because the more they go on dates, the more they realize what they don't want and what they do want. So that's where every week I'm with. Each individual client in a private coaching session. And I select 10 people that I say, here's 10 people that I think are good matches for you.

And we basically give the thumbs up or the thumbs down. And I could say no to this one because that you picked, because I could tell that there's an enormous amount of red flags. And then I could say, yes, here's somebody that is such a hidden gem that you would not meet because maybe they're too nice.

or they're not a bad boy or whatever. And I basically encourage them to go out with somebody on my list that is maybe not the same type of person that they have gone out with repeatedly. And that's the process. So again, predate preparation, dating app profile creation, and then matching, chatting, and ultimately meeting and taking that relationship from online to offline.

[00:10:42] Julie Spira: Well, no, actually it's probably about. 65 percent women, there are still men that I am coaching and the men that I work with, they're basically people who have built their careers and spent so much time building their empire, their kingdom, and they forgot to nest and they wake up one day and they're ready to nest.

They've done well with their careers and they want to put their best foot forward. So if somebody were to hire a recruiter and get a resume writer to make sure that they can get the best job they can possibly get and look their best. The popularity of dating coaches has continued to grow because people also want to look their best because hopefully your love life will last a lot longer than a particular number of years at a job.

[00:11:45] Julie Spira: Well, it's very interesting because when you look at the different demographics, it's very surprising to me, but there are people in their 20s and then there are people in their 70s, 80s, 90s, and you're going, wait, my, my grandmother and I are on the same dating app. Yes, it's multi generational because if somebody loses a spouse or they get divorced in their 60s or their 70s, you're looking at these boomers that have never ever been online because they were busy with their families and suddenly they have an empty nest.

So where the sweet spot might be in the middle, the big growth is for the younger people who are so attached to their phones and perhaps they're just swiping and they're getting swipe fatigue and they're not really. Finding those perfect matches for them. And they'd like to have a family.

They'd like to get married. They want to settle down, and they're concerned about, , their age and they shouldn't be because there's no exploration on finding love, but they are concerned. And some of the biggest growth I'm also seeing is.

It's really what we would call, the boomers, because if you look at the popularity of the shows, Michelle Obama has her show later daters, the people in their sixties that are looking for love and seriously, they're not looking for hookups. They are looking for love. And then of course there's the golden bachelorette and the

[00:13:09] Julie Spira: bachelor stories.

that have people fixated on this particular demographic. And so this demographic is seriously looking for love and the easiest way to meet someone is online.

[00:13:43] Julie Spira: Well, I think the list of the unrealistic expectations is Gets in everybody's way. And when people go online on their own, which they do, and they should, they're not, they're posting blurry photos, they're posting selfies. They aren't putting what I call their best digital foot forward. So if you are going online and you realize that this is the year that you wanna find love, it's part of your New Year's resolution make sure you have a friend with a great camera on their iPhone or their galaxy, but have a friend take 50 photos of you in three to five different outfits and try and make sure that you're only as attractive as your least attractive photo. So I feel that the apps are doing a really good job helping and guiding the singles.

For instance, there's a feature called the best photo or the smart photos. And that's where AI, the algorithms do their digital magic. So if you toggle that particular feature on. The app that you're using, maybe it's Tinder, maybe it's Bumble, then they will select the best photo for you.

And I encourage people to let AI and the algorithms and all of these features on the apps help them in their romantic journey. But you can't post, and it's always the photos that really get people, in the way of success. So in other words, people are posting party photos. But if you say you're seeking a serious relationship, you're forcing your date to figure out who is the person that's actually going to show up on the date.

And I think that's great news!

[00:15:52] Julie Spira: Whether it's a sloppy profile or they're not using all of the digital real estate and, Posting, the, what they're looking for and they're using cliches. I'm looking for someone to go on a beach walk, watch a sunset. , I can go from black tie to jeans. I want to know if you're going black tie, where are you going?

Did you go to an award show? What beach is your favorite beach? And do you swim in the ocean? Do you snorkel or scuba dive? You need to be a little more specific so somebody can ask you more questions about. You like scuba diving? When did you get certified? So it allows people to start conversations.

So it's so important that this profile that you create is intriguing to someone. Because single men and women come to me and say, Every profile looks the same.

[00:16:42] Julie Spira: And you want to be a little more unique.

Is there a problem with putting a great picture online that may not reflect who you are? And then

there's

[00:17:05] John Salak: of, you know, and I don't know how to say that kindly,

you

It's not about getting a date. It's about going there and being your authentic self. And the best thing you want to hear when you meet someone and you give them a hug and say it's nice to meet you is have the other person say, you are more attractive than your photos.

What about unrealistic expectations for who you may be seeking? I was with a friend recently in Arizona, and she was joking, and she's single, and she said, Well, you know, I'm looking for somebody who has a boat, lakefront, or waterfront, and something else. And she was kind of joking, but, it seemed unrealistic, or at least not a great way to approach a connection.

[00:18:33] John Salak: No, I didn't. Okay.

[00:18:39] John Salak: Okay.

So the other 99 percent are getting lucky and falling in love and getting married. But anyway, so trust fund, only 1. 3 percent of men in the U. S. inherited a trust fund. The next line, six foot six five. Only 1 percent of men in the U. S. are six foot. four or taller with five foot nine being the average.

So when every woman says, I want a tall man, he needs to be six foot tall. I'm like the average man is five foot nine. And would you not like him if he's amazing and you just connect and he's five foot eight. So the next line blue eyes. Well that ranks number two behind brown eyes. So it's about the most realistic thing.

So if you can just say I'm looking for a man that has blue eyes And next, all the rest of it, you might have a chance of meeting somebody terrific, because as I said, six foot, which is what everybody says to me, and I'm, I go no, no, no, we're gonna deal five foot eight six foot, I think it's 14. 5 percent of singles in the U. S. are six foot.

Right?

[00:20:37] John Salak: Right. , some of that's not going to be discovered until you actually go on dates and begin to explore each other. But how do we get past that, at least on the initial connection?

So respond promptly turn on your push notifications of

somebody that you're interested in writes to you. Don't sleep on it. Right back. He's on his phone. And so, as far as making the first move. You need to make the first move because a man will tell me, I am, I was so flattered that this person wrote to me because I was so frustrated that I wrote to 50 women in one week and only two or three wrote back to me and I'm exhausted.

So when they receive a message from you, that is fun, flirty and intriguing. It boosts their ego and they want to respond to you and start a conversation online. And then of course, my advice is to go from online to the phone, have a phone date limited to 20 minutes.

If it's awkward on the phone, do not schedule a date because their list of. They're hiding an

[00:22:03] Julie Spira: And financial success, checks your boxes. If you can't have a conversation that's flowing, then just say, I really appreciate your time. It was great talking to you.

I don't think we're fit, but I wish you the best.

[00:22:25] Julie Spira: into the online dating field dramatically. I have a site called loveintheageoftrump. com and it was a, okay, it was a book I was writing. I did extensive research on the polarization of couples. And at the time, whenever we're in an election cycle, politics. ranks higher in the dating totem pole than dating a smoker because a smoker might quit, but if we really are so opposite in our values and we wouldn't date across party lines, there's no point in meeting if people feel that strongly about it.

Yet there are other people say, I refuse to talk about politics on a date. I want to get to know somebody that's not important to me. So in my intake forms, I always have right at the top, tell me about how you feel about dating somebody politically different. How do you feel about talking about politics on a date?

And would you date somebody who didn't vote? So these are the types of questions I ask singles to make sure that the person on the left isn't going to get into a fight with the person on the right.

[00:23:47] Julie Spira: So, you have the option on these dating apps to list your political preferences. You could say, that you're conservative. You could say that you're liberal. You could say that politics isn't important to you, or you can just ignore the question and not answer it. So some people scroll down the apps.

who feel very strongly about politics and they look at the photo, oh, they're attractive, and then they scroll right to the bottom or to the spot where it talks about politics to see how they've answered the question to know if it's safe to move forward.

What are red flags that you might see for someone?

I don't want to hear that you don't hike. I don't want to hear that you don't work out. I don't want to hear that you don't care about religion. I'd rather hear what you do care about. And so when you see all of these don'ts, it's almost like they're giving you this disclaimer. Where I say don't match with them.

So I look for those types of things. I look for keywords for compatibility

and I encourage people to put keywords in for compatibility with other people. There are people that. are very athletic and they scroll right down to the part about how often does somebody work out. So everybody has something different, which is why I say use all of that digital real estate on the profile, fill out as many questions and icebreakers and topics.

So people know how to Start a conversation and ask a question.

[00:26:04] Julie Spira: Well, when they're set in their ways, then my tough love, button just, , gets activated.

[00:26:10] Julie Spira: And, and I basically say, you're working with me because it didn't work out for you over the past 10 years. And, follow my rule book, and I promise you, you will get better dates.

And so they do. They acquiesce and they do.

[00:26:38] Julie Spira: I judge success on a variety of ways. One is, are they getting more matches? Are they getting more messages? Are the quality of the matches in line with what they're looking for? Are they going on more dates than they had before? Are they learning what they like and what they don't like to hone down when to say, no, I don't think we're fit or yes, I can't wait to meet you.

And then ultimately my favorite part of what I do is retire people's dating profiles because they decide to be exclusive with somebody they've met online. I

[00:27:19] Julie Spira: Think AI is playing a really important role. I think AI has played a very important role in the background where people weren't used to thinking in terms of my profile part of AI, but AI, what it does is it helps to say, you just say, look at a profile and go, we think this person could be a good match for you because you both like.

Whatever activity it might be. We talked about scuba diving before, but let's just say it's hiking. That's a big one. Or you both like yoga or hot yoga or actually the fastest growing keyword according to tinder is pickleball and Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in the u. s But i'm seeing it more and more on profiles so people are saying, okay, you like pick a ball and they like pick a ball, or you're both looking for marriage, or you've both are widowed, whatever it may be, they'll pull out the keywords and they'll give you these little nudges and say, this might be a good match.

And I feel that's AI working at it's best.

[00:28:31] Julie Spira: I would say the biggest misconception, I mean, the stigma that was there, it has dissipated, but there are still some people that, Oh, I'm not going to go online because everybody's only looking for hookups.

[00:28:43] Julie Spira: And when I think about that, and I look at the 72 percent of singles who are looking for a long term relationship, that's a misconception.

Because whether you're on Tinder that used to have that kind of reputation, I have so many clients on Tinder that are getting married and are having families that are really happy. And they'll go, well, we met on Tinder, but now they're really proud of it. Hey, we met on Tinder. and so I would say for the people that think that using dating apps are for people that are socially challenged or in the days of the chat rooms, people thought they were either married or losers.

They fit into two buckets. And so I think that myth about the serial daters not looking for a commitment is something that people think about. But once they start meeting compatible people, whether they like them as friends or whether it turns into a romantic partner, it's an opportunity to expand the social circle with like minded

[00:29:43] Julie Spira: And if you're staying home and your date card is empty, this is the way to fill it with interesting people.

[00:29:59] Julie Spira: Well, that's a great question, John, because the statistics that I have seen show that there's no difference of whether somebody meets online, offline, or from friends as far as the success and the length of the relationship. It's just that with online, you have an opportunity to meet a lot more people besides the boy or girl next door.

[00:30:35] Julie Spira: And it's very interesting because for people that, you know, my parents met on a blind date and they were married for 69 years I have a friend who's newly single. I'd like to fix you up with him. I think you'd really like them. And then you go on this date and you go, what were they thinking?

so you think they're vetted and you go on the date and you feel like they like them, they like me. So this should be a great match. And more often than not, that's not the case.

[00:31:10] Julie Spira: I am a big proponent of it.

[00:31:15] Julie Spira: Yes, the growth, I mean, if it's going to grow in the next few years by another 5 million users, that's great growth.

We have no doubt you are America's top online dating expert. So thank you very much for joining us on what the health.

[00:31:44] John Salak: Before we move on, we wanted to again encourage our listeners to take advantage of the hundreds of exclusive discounts WellWell offers on a range of health and wellness products and services.

Now, these cover everything from fitness and athletic equipment to dietary supplements, personal care products, organic foods and beverages, and more. Signing up is easy and free. Just visit us at WellWellUSA. com, go to Milton's Discounts in the top menu bar, and the sign up form will appear. Signing up will just take seconds, but the benefits can last for years.

So, it's obviously heartening to hear that love, or at least great companionship, isn't dead in the digital age, and that it can be found through online dating services. In fact, these services are now the leading way to get connected. Better still, online dating isn't the exclusive realm of the lovelorn young.

People of all ages are using these services and finding success. But, and there's always a but, there are ways to increase your odds of finding the right person. What helps? Certainly, being realistic in your dating aims. The ideal person you have in mind, that 6 foot, 4 inch, blue eyed financier who played quarterback for the Rams before becoming a billionaire, may sound great.

But chances are, those targets are far and few between. And this idealized person may not be right for you anyway. So, think about what you really need in a companion before starting out. Also, paint the best and most accurate picture of yourself. Your profile should outline who you really are now, not who you were or think you should be.

And always be positive. Highlight what you like instead of what you dislike. This will boost your odds of connecting to a like minded person. And finally, don't be afraid to get help from a dating coach. They can answer questions, allay fears, and help you pull everything together. All of it makes it easier to connect to someone special.

Well, that's it for this episode of What the Health. We'd like to thank Online Dating Authority, Julie Spira, for all her help and insights on finding love online. If you'd like to learn more about her work and her approach, please visit CyberDatingExpert. com. That's CyberDatingExpert. com. Finally, thanks again for listening.

We hope you'll join us again soon at What the Health. .