Shownotes
Episode #165 Family Traditions and Rituals with Donne Davis
In this episode of "Hey, Boomer!" host Wendy Green and guest Donne Davis delve into the rich tapestry of family traditions and rituals. Through engaging conversation, they explore the challenges and rewards of adapting and passing down traditions in an ever-changing family landscape. From adapting Thanksgiving traditions to creating meaningful ceremonies, they share invaluable insights into the significance of evolving rituals and the generational aspect of tradition.
Episode Overview
Wendy Green and Donne Davis delve into the challenge of adapting family traditions to accommodate changing family dynamics and new traditions introduced by the younger generation's partners.
Donne Davis emphasizes the importance of evolving and flexible rituals and highlights the need for buy-in and fun to engage younger generations in the family's customs.
The discussion includes examples of adapting traditions for Thanksgiving, renewing vows, and creating meaningful ceremonies filled with rituals.
Wendy and Donne explore the significant role of grandparents in passing down family history, traditions, and values, while also staying current with their grandchildren's interests.
The conversation touches on nurturing rituals, communicating expectations with family members, and the significance of bonding and sharing gratitude with loved ones.
Takeaways:
1. Family traditions and rituals are valuable for connecting generations and preserving history and values.
2. Rituals can be flexible, fun, and adapted to accommodate changing family dynamics and interests.
3. Grandparents play a significant role in passing down family traditions, staying engaged with their grandchildren, and inspiring growth and learning.
4. Communication and nurturing rituals are essential for building meaningful connections and managing expectations within the family.
5. Exploring and expressing gratitude together can create powerful and enduring rituals that bring joy and connection.
Call to Action:
We would love to hear from you! Share your takeaways from this episode and any family traditions or rituals that hold special meaning for you.
Email us your feedback and stay tuned for upcoming episodes where we continue to explore new topics and insights on thriving in the Boomer stage of life.
Connect with Donne Davis
- Website: https://gagasisterhood.com
- Email: donnedavis@gagasisterhood.com
Connect with Hey, Boomer!
Support our sponsors
- Delilah Home: bit.ly/delilahhome-boomer
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Books Mentioned in the episode
- When Being a Grandma Isn’t So Grand: 4 Keys to L.O.V.E. Your Grandchild’s Parents by Donne Davis
- Rituals For Our Times: Celebrating, Healing, and Changing Our Lives and Our Relationships by Evan Imber-Black, Ph.D. and Janine Roberts, Ed. D
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Transcripts
Welcome to Hey Boomer. My name is Wendy Greene, and I am the Post for Hey Boomer. And at Hey Boomer, we are changing the conversation about getting older. And rather than seeing it as declining, We see it as opening an exciting new chapter, a time for exploration, self expression, and learning. And today, we are gonna talk about family traditions and rituals. My family did not have any traditions around Christmas because we were raised Jewish. The Hanukkah is a minor Jewish holiday, but we did have ways To celebrate, that taught myself and my sister and brother about the kindling of the Hanukkah lights and the story of the fight for religious freedom. And each night, we would light a candle for 8 nights in the menorah, and we would always sing a prayer, And we would sing rock of ages, and we would play dreidel.
Wendy Green [:And they were usually potato latkes, which are basically fried potato pancakes. We never got big presents like I saw some of my neighbor friends getting, but We would get like, from my parents, we might get a stuffed animal or some new pajamas. My grandparents would come over 1 night, and we would get a present from them. And As I recall, we got some small presents from an aunt and uncle who lived nearby. I passed on the candle lighting and songs to my kids, and my parents would send presents to them because we didn't Live close to my parents, and my kids have continued the ritual of lighting the candles with their children. They all have their own menorahs now, and, you know, they always post pictures of everybody lighting their candles, which is wonderful. And we have also added, some Christmas celebrations and Christmas decorations to how we celebrate this season. I am now the keeper of family traditions in my family, and Passover is another tradition With all of the rituals that go along with the Passover dinner, it has been important to me to share the Exodus story And the ritual of the Passover Seder with my children and grandchildren, I feel like it gives them a sense of their shared history with people and cultures they will never know.
Wendy Green [:Family traditions build connections between generations, and you never know What the impact is going to be on the children or the grandchildren, and I think it's important to share your history, To share your stories and to share your traditions with them. I also think it's important to let them develop their own family rituals and traditions. My guest today, Donnie Davis, has been talking about traditions and rituals In the Gaga Sisterhood Organization for 20 years. I am so looking forward to learning from her today.
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Wendy Green [:So let's go ahead and meet her right now. Hi, Donnie.
Speaker C [:Hi, Wendy. So great to see you.
Wendy Green [: e founded the organization in: Wendy Green [:It's a practical guide for building mutually respectful relationships with your grandchild's parents and handling common grandparent challenges. She writes and speaks about her experiences and observations of grandparenting in her award winning blog@gagasisterhood.com. She is also passionate about the importance of rituals and family traditions. And for the past 3 decades, Donna has been teaching families how to create simple rituals and celebrations That give kids a sense of identity, security, meaning, and fun. Oh, boy. That's a long history, Donnie. So tell us. Go back to the beginning.
Wendy Green [:How did you get started with the Gaga sisterhood, and and What are you gonna be doing about it now?
Speaker C [:Well, first of all, I love your introduction. I could really relate to it because I'm also Jewish, But let me get to the Gaga sisterhood. As you said, 20 years ago, I was standing at the foot of my daughter's hospital bed when my granddaughter came into the world. Wow. And I literally leaped in the air, And I went completely gaga. I remember running down the hall and saying to my husband, we're grandparents. A couple days later, I came back down to Earth, and that's when I realized I was not the 1st grandma to feel this way. Yeah.
Speaker C [: ,: Speaker C [:We talked about how we got our grandma names and how far we had to travel and what was our relationship like with our adult children. It was fascinating. And I said, let's continue this conversation, and everybody wanted to, and so that was how the Gaga Sisterhood was born 20 years ago. Wow. And it's just been the richest experience because I've connected with thousands of grandmas over the years. I've heard them just pour their hearts out about the challenges because one of the things I said is, I want this to be A place where we can talk about our joys and challenges. And until the pandemic, we met in person at members homes, and it was just Women in the Silicon Valley, which is where I live in in California. But then after the pandemic, I switched to Zoom, And we had grandmas from all over the country.
Speaker C [:We even had a grandma from Australia who would come on the call. So I I realized though that the group was sort of splitting into 2 different groups. We had the original people who were Old had older grandchildren. My oldest grandchild is in Australia now doing her junior year The whole year over there in college, and I'm gonna go visit her in February.
Wendy Green [:So No. That's so exciting.
Speaker C [: ,: Wendy Green [:You're not stepping away totally. Right? You're still having your blogs and your newsletter and Yeah. Much wonderful information that you share.
Speaker C [:I do. I have a blog that I've been writing posts, in my news and I have a, The website has a lot of information on it. So now instead of saying join the Gaga Sisterhood, I'm saying here are resources For grandparents at all stages, because I really think today's grandparents are much more conscious of our role, Our purpose, how we can be involved, and doing it sometimes diplomatically, sometimes maybe not so much. But yeah. I understand. I I just really wanna always be a resource for grandparents, and I still love talking about it.
Wendy Green [:Well, it is it it is a challenge sometimes to be a grandparent, but I wanna talk about traditions and rituals because that's Something that you have focused a lot on. Is there a difference between traditions and rituals in your mind?
Speaker C [:There is, however, I often use the words interchangeably, but traditions are customs that we hand down from generation to generation. They're more of a concept, whereas rituals are an actual act. And I love this simple definition of ritual. It's a conscious action that's repeated In a certain order. And I even have an acronym to remember that. My late husband thought of this, and it's so clever. It's Cairo, like the city in Egypt. Yeah.
Speaker C [:So see, It's a a ritual has to be conscious. That's what makes it a ritual different from a habit.
Wendy Green [:Okay.
Speaker C [:A is An act? You're doing some action? I is intention. You have an intention. Now it doesn't have to be a big intention, but there's an intention. R is repetition. We repeat a ritual. Mhmm. And o is order.
Wendy Green [:So it has a certain order.
Speaker C [:Yeah. So those are all the components of a ritual.
Wendy Green [:Uh-huh. I like that. So so, like, lighting the Hanukkah candles is a ritual because we do them in a certain order, And it's also a tradition because we tell the story.
Speaker C [:And we passed it down from generations.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Cool. So tell me about some of your favorite traditions with your grandchildren.
Speaker C [:Well, you were talking about one of the Jewish holidays, Passover, and that To me, is one of the most symbolic of all the Jewish holidays. It's really telling the story of the Jews' exodus From slavery, and there are all kinds of symbols, and there's a plate that has a lot of symbols on it that we use when we tell the story and read the story. So one of the items on the plate is called, which is a mixture, kind of like a very thick jam Of apples, raisins, and nuts. It's delicious. So my favorite tradition is to bring my grandma's old meat grinder. You know, the have you ever seen those meat grinders where you crank you put meat in and you crank
Wendy Green [:it. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker C [:You crank it with your hand. It's really old fashioned. It's a metal thing, and it's heavy. But I always brought it to my daughter's house. And every year, my granddaughters and I would make heroeset, and we had to cut up the apple, peel the apples, cut them up, Put them in this, the tube, and then we'd add the the raisins and the nuts, and then we grind it out. And it'd take about an hour, and I tell them about their great grandma Amelia, who was my Adored grandma. She was such a good buddy of mine, and we spent a lot of time together. So, That's one of my favorite traditions to to make the horosis for the Passover Seder.
Speaker C [:Yeah.
Wendy Green [:I have never Thought of doing it, a meat grinder. Well, I don't have 1. So Yeah. Yeah. Not not
Speaker C [:too many people do that thing. But that's But I love that, you know, it's it's carrying on a tradition because that's what my grandma used to make it. It's remembering her. It's teaching values. It's connecting to the past. Those are all good things that are benefits to children With respect to rituals.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. And so that is one of the important things that grandparents can bring To the family is passing on these rituals and traditions because we include the stories from
Speaker C [:Yes.
Wendy Green [:Yeah.
Speaker C [:And it teaches them values, shows that your what your values are when you talk about it. Your family, your religion, Your traditions, all of those things are really important, and they're fun.
Wendy Green [:They are fun. Now now that your grandchildren have gotten so much older, How has that changed for you to be able to share traditions or see them move on to in other generations?
Speaker C [:Well, it's really interesting. I think one of the most important things that grandparents need to realize is that our grandchildren grow up. They do
Wendy Green [:stay like cute puppies. Do they?
Speaker C [:Yep. They grow up, and they grow up faster than we realize. I mean, it just feels like a blink of an eye. So their interests change, and the mission of the Gaga sisterhood has always been To inspire grandmas to keep growing and learning, and so we have to do that and we have to stay current with their interests. So the funniest thing, a couple years ago, a friend of mine told me about this the New York Times word puzzle called Wordle. Mhmm. Do you do it?
Wendy Green [:I don't, but I'm aware of it. Yeah.
Speaker C [:Okay. Well, I started doing Wordle, And just about that same time, my oldest granddaughter started doing it too. So every afternoon at 4 o'clock, I sit down and do Wordle, and then I send her My score, or sometimes she does it first and sends her my score her score, and we compare notes. And we just Text each other and write little notes, and then the her younger sister who's 16 also started doing Wordle. And so we have that little ritual, which I call a ritual, because we do it every day, we do it in a certain order, and it's very satisfying. And then with my youngest grandchild, Sophia is 9, and since the pandemic and she lives in Southern California. We have done a Zoom call every single weekend since it's this pandemic started, And she also loves rituals. And so we started kind of an order of how we do these Zoom calls, and she makes a little agenda.
Wendy Green [:She does. And
Speaker C [:we go through, and we have show and tell, and then she'll draw something and teach me how to draw something. And sometimes She'll read a book to me, and then we'll go get a snack. And we'll play this game called guess my snack. And then we sing a goodbye song. And We we had a goodbye song for a long time. She's very musical. Last weekend, she played her new viola for me. Wow.
Speaker C [:So I consider all of these wonderful rituals, and there's there's different kinds of rituals. There's daily rituals that we can do by ourselves, like meditating or writing in a journal. There's family and friend rituals. There's holiday rituals and birthday rituals, and there's life cycle rituals, like, a baptism when you're born and a funeral When you die and everything in between.
Wendy Green [:I love what you're doing with your grandchildren. I know there's a couple of people on this, Watching the show live today that are long distance grandparents, and so I think you've just planted some nice seeds for things they can try to do With Zoom calls with theirs, I love that idea. Yeah.
Speaker C [:Thank you.
Wendy Green [:Thank you. So talk to me about when when traditions start to change. You know? We We bring in these stories and these rituals, and then our children marry into other families or partner up with other people from other families, and they bring in other traditions. How have you seen grandparents adapt to some of the changing traditions that suddenly show up at holiday times.
Speaker C [:Yeah. Well, I wanna share the 1st book that I ever read On rituals. Rituals for our times.
Wendy Green [:Yeah.
Speaker C [:It's written by 2 Therapists, psychotherapists, and they really approach it from an interesting perspective. They explain what it is what rituals are, Why they're valuable, and they talk about how rituals need to be evolving and flexible, Because a lot of people are raised with rigid rituals, and then they hate rituals. Mhmm. Because they've been forced to do something and it just didn't sit well with them.
Wendy Green [:Mhmm.
Speaker C [:So I think the important thing about rituals is that You need to get buy in. When you're doing a ritual, you need to make sure everybody's wanting to do it, And if you get resistance, you need to reevaluate, and sometimes you need to revitalize your rituals. You need to Have a conversation before the holiday, and say, it seemed like last year when we were doing these things that Not everybody was really into it. And I'd love to, you know, think of some new things and Have your input. Can we do something that really speaks to everybody, and make it a group ritual that feels fun for everybody? And I think that's what grandparents need to do. We may have loved a tradition that our grandparents did with us, And it may not be relevant. It may not be fun. It and the kids may just not be into it, so you have to open up and say, Well, what would be fun for you?
Wendy Green [:Yeah. That's a good idea and and not always easy. Right? Like, You know? And I think it changes. You know? I I was thinking about Thanksgiving. And, you know, when mine were little, we used go around the table. What are you thankful for? And my parents were there, and, you know, it was cute when they were little because they'd come up with all kinds of cute things. Well, then they hit their teenage years and their young adult years, and they were, like, rolling their eyes every time. Like, oh gosh.
Wendy Green [:Here we go again. And then this this year, we did Thanksgiving at their at my son's house, and they brought it up. So I guess not completely abandoning it made it, you know, something that they Thought maybe was worthwhile. Yeah.
Speaker C [:It's so wonderful when our kids embrace things that we taught them. It's such a good feeling. Yeah. But I'll tell you a little, spin on that A ritual because I did this, and it was so much fun. Instead of everybody going around the table and saying something they're grateful for, I gave everybody a, construction paper leaf that I'd cut out, and I had each person secretly write down on the leaf something they were grateful for. Then we put all the leaves in a basket. And after dinner, we went around and picked out a leaf, and if it was yours, you put it back and picked another one. And then we read the leaf out loud and tried to guess who the person was who said that expression of gratitude.
Speaker C [:And that really was fun, and it was lighthearted, and, we, you know, we laughed a lot.
Wendy Green [:So Yeah. That's a very
Speaker C [:might be a way to just elevate it a little bit.
Wendy Green [:Right. That's a very creative idea, and I think I I mentioned to you I did something similar where we made, like a crepe paper chains, you know, like you might on a Christmas tree. And and the kids, the little ones, they really took off on that because they were making lots of Oh, that's nice. Chains of what they were Grateful for, and so we had this whole big chain that helped us decorate our table, our Thanksgiving table. So that was really fun.
Speaker C [:You know, I I just thought of another thing a few years ago when we were when I was up at my daughter's and, we were having Thanksgiving. I said, okay. I know you're all expecting me to ask you to say what you're grateful for, but I I wanna do something different this year because you gotta be innovative. You gotta keep them on their toes.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Right? And so
Speaker C [:I said, let's each go around and say something we appreciate about someone at the table.
Wendy Green [:Oh, how did they take to that?
Speaker C [:Oh, they loved it. They really loved it. And, You know what? Then after we all went around once, and we picked different people, every everybody said, well, we wanna do it so everybody gets appreciated.
Wendy Green [:Really? Yeah.
Speaker C [:It was so, just touched my heart.
Wendy Green [:It's really sweet. Taught your children rituals and traditions Since they were very small. What what Yes. Where did your interest in all of that come from originally?
Speaker C [: during the: Wendy Green [:Woah.
Speaker C [:Yeah. And she used to tell me stories about Camping out in Golden Gate Park right after the earthquake. So she was, she always hosted Thanksgiving, and we had a lot of traditions at Thanksgiving and then pass them on to my mom who really was a huge inspiration for to me when I was growing up because she made a big deal over all the holidays, the secular holidays, the Jewish holidays, our birth day's anniversaries. We took family vacations together, so I wanted to pass that on to my children. And now my daughter And my daughter-in-law both are very into traditions and celebrations, and so I I've been thrilled to see that carried on. Yeah. And, you know, the I have to I do have a story about how it all started.
Wendy Green [:K.
Speaker C [:My husband and my late husband and I Wanted to renew our vows for our 25th wedding anniversary, and so we decided Well, I kind of decided. I asked him if we could celebrate by renewing our vows, and He said, alright. My present to you will be that I'll do it. He was not, you know, not a he's more of an introvert. So we created a ceremony. We wrote out a ceremony. We worked with this wonderful, Feminist rabbi, and we invited all of our friends to this celebration and this ceremony, and there were about 25 people in our living room. We we did the whole ceremony because it felt more meaningful than the when we got married 25 years before that, and all of our friends told us how powerful it was to experience that ceremony Filled with rituals, and it got me thinking about how we don't Emphasize enough the importance of rituals in our lives.
Speaker C [:They really enrich our lives, and a lot of times, people have a connotation that rituals have to be serious or solemn or centuries old, but they don't, and they don't have to be religious either. They can be something very simple. And when you do a ritual, You elevate yourself, your spirit, as because you're conscious of doing it, and if you really think about it, We probably have a lot of rituals in our lives that we don't call rituals, but if we thought about it, we could identify them as rituals.
Wendy Green [:Well, like I in the post about our show together, I was saying my ritual in the morning is to have my Coffee in my cozy corner of my couch and doing my journaling and reading. Yeah. And it is a ritual because it's conscious I do it every Day without fail every day.
Speaker C [:Yeah. And you have a border that you do it in, and you have an intention.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Yeah. So have you ever experienced, Donnie, where you've gone into a celebration with your Family. And you've had, you know, great memories of what it's been like, and you're expecting. My mother always says expectations get you into trouble.
Speaker C [:Oh, yes.
Wendy Green [:Right? But you're expecting, like, all this wonderful warmth and love and happiness and joy, and it doesn't always turn out that Way because it doesn't meet your expectations. Have you ever experienced that?
Speaker C [:So awkward.
Wendy Green [:So awkward.
Speaker C [:Yeah. You mentioned that you were the keeper Mhmm. Of the traditions and rituals. Women tend to be the kin keepers, I call them. We're the ones that keep the family traditions going, keep the family together, not always, but a lot of times. And I think that Expectations can really set us, you know, often the wrong direction Because we have this hope and dream of how it was in the past and we want to recreate that, and, You know, you you've gotta be really conscious of when you're doing a ritual. If if you're good at feeling the room and you're not feeling it, You gotta stop. You gotta you gotta be honest and say, doesn't feel like everybody's into this.
Speaker C [:Am I right? And, you know, you you have to Let go of it, and you, you know, hopefully, you can do some damage control, and you can say, okay. Anybody got any other ideas? Yeah. But, yeah, you know, one of the, I think, one of the biggest things about the holidays, I hear this from grandmas all the time is the disappointment around a lot of things. One is They don't get to host the holiday that they used to host because now, you know, the children are going in different directions, or their grandchildren are long distance and they don't get to be with them, or they don't get invited to the 1 party that they really wanna go to. And there's just a lot of expectations followed by you just set yourself up for disappointment, and it's you can't help it. You know, we want to be part of everything in the holidays most of the time.
Wendy Green [:So yeah. Awkward is a good word for it. It it is. And then we, you know, we, as women, we come home and we're like, woulda, shoulda, coulda. Right? And
Speaker C [:I think it's really hard to be That frank in the moment, but, boy, if you've got the guts and the courage to do it, I would say just put a brake on it, And say, doesn't feel like this is going well.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. And you mentioned earlier in our conversation about Having the conversation with the parents of your grandchildren before you go to the holiday To understand what their expectations are Yeah. And what their boundaries are. And how does that go? How do you see that conversation going?
Speaker C [:Well, I am a big, proponent of communication. It's not always easy, Especially when there's tension in the moment, that's the hardest for me. It's like calling something when it happens. Yeah. I'm really good About apologizing in the moment, because I have made a lot of blunders. There are there are just so many times when I've said the wrong thing or, You know, done something. So my kids know me, and they expect that I'm gonna say, can we can we talk about what's coming up, and What's everybody's expectations, and do we wanna do something different this year? I was just talking to my daughter yesterday Because I'm gonna go see her this weekend. My 16 year old granddaughter is gonna be in a piano recital.
Speaker C [:Oh. She's gonna Cleared a lune and it's a beautiful piece. So I said do we have time to make potato latkes For Hanukkah, because Hanukkah starts on Thursday. And she said, oh, you know, I don't know if we're gonna have time this year. And I said, okay. That's alright.
Wendy Green [:It's
Speaker C [:you know, we'll light the menorahs and do something different, but, yeah. I'm just learned to to go with the flow. If you can learn to go with the flow and not stay attached to what you want And talk about it beforehand.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. That's such wise advice. And, You know, I mean, I could hear your daughter's, oh, and she didn't wanna disappoint you, and you handle sounds like you handled it beautifully. Like, you didn't let her know that you were Maybe a little disappointed, but Yeah. You know?
Speaker C [:Yeah.
Wendy Green [:I mean and when they're teenagers, man, it really does it really does change.
Speaker C [:Yes. Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Wendy Green [:Now what about I know we're talking about grandmothers and All of that. But what about the grandfathers? Are there is there a role for them in bring bringing forward the family traditions?
Speaker C [:Oh, absolutely. I think it's so important. And I think grandpas have evolved over the generations too For getting more involved, I see a lot of grandpa grandpas pushing strollers, Which, you know, in when I was raising kids, my husband wasn't pushing the stroller that
Wendy Green [:much. Right.
Speaker C [:Right. But grandpas bring their own family. You know, their own family history, and I think it's so important For grandpas to share their life stories, their fun stories, their work stories, their Traditions and be as involved as they can because it's a you know, if you're fortunate enough To have grandpas in the picture, you know, you want them to be involved and participate.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. I used to get a little bit confused. You know, when the kids were little, the grandkids were little, it was easy for me. I would just go and play. You know, that was just fun. Now that they're teens, you know, I I get torn between spending time with my Daughter and daughter-in-law and son and son-in-law in, you know, preparing and setting up and cooking and and Spending time with the grandkids who are teens who are really rather be on their phone, I think, or Hanging with their friends or hanging with each other, it's an it's a Fine line there of how to manage that that interaction, at least in my experience. Mhmm. Yeah.
Wendy Green [:Did did you experience that?
Speaker C [:Oh, yeah. So one of the things I'm always looking for new ways to engage with my grandchildren. There's, First of all, my grandchildren love games. They love playing games, so we do play a lot of games together. And it's been that way from when they were really little to right up until now. They loved playing games, so that's been a a a good thing and as a way for us to engage with each other. But I also love puzzles. And as I said, I do the Wordle puzzle With my granddaughters.
Speaker C [:And then there's this little, super quiz in the newspaper Called it's Isaac Asimov's Super Quiz. And it's Oh. Day. There's a little puzzle with About 18 questions, from simple to easy, and they're all different categories, and so I'll cut them out out of the paper, and then I'll bring them with me. And sometimes when we go out to restaurants, while we're waiting for our food, I'll Read some of the questions. It could be a category like, say, capitals of cities in the in the United States, And it'll ask all different questions about that. And it's fun, and everybody gets involved. And so, you know, I just I do my best to Try to find some little things to engage with them.
Wendy Green [:I think that's the challenge, you know, to because they're all different. They all have different interests And at different ages. And yeah. I think
Speaker C [:the secret is to find out what their interests are before you go. And then, you know, there's so many resources is to find out, like, Google what to do with a 12 year old boy. Right. Right. And you'll You'll get asked you know, somebody told me they did that on on GP chat. Oh, really? A whole bunch of ideas I don't know what to do.
Wendy Green [:And with my grandson, it would be put on one of those, devices where you're in alternate reality. And Uh-huh. That was very difficult. We did it. Yep.
Speaker C [:That's fun.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Well, if you can keep your balance while you're in a spaceship.
Speaker C [:I've never tried one of those.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Very different. Very different. So, What are 1 or 2 takeaways that you would like to leave with the listeners today about traditions and rituals and their importance in the family?
Speaker C [:Well, it's kind of a recap in a way of one thing is to treat yourself gently, To take a take time for a ritual for yourself. One of the rituals that my husband and I did Was right after 911. We started lighting a candle every night at dinner, And we lit that candle until he died 5 years ago. And every night, when we lit that candle, we said something we were grateful for. And we all hear how important it is to express your gratitude. It really lifts your spirit. And even after my late husband died, I continued to do that ritual on my own. I lit that candle every night, and I Sound something, even if I was really sad, to be grateful for, and it lifted my spirits.
Speaker C [:So I would say, do a simple Healing, nurturing ritual for yourself. Something like lighting a candle and saying what you're grateful for or taking a walk and being really conscious of your senses as you walk, and just calm yourself down because it can get frenetic in the holidays. And I think lower your expectations. If you can lower your expectations, then you won't be disappointed. But Talk to your family and, you know, make your own wish list of what you'd like, and maybe ask your kids to make a wish list For what they not what things they want
Wendy Green [:Right.
Speaker C [:But how they wanna feel and how they wanna what they wanna do. Yeah. And then share your list before the holiday.
Wendy Green [:Those are great ideas. I'm gonna start doing the gratitude candle. I love that idea.
Speaker C [:Yeah. It's really powerful. And 2 years ago, some friends introduced me to a wonderful man, And we had a long distance relationship for 2 years, and 3 months ago, he moved in with me. Mhmm. And we do that ritual of light
Wendy Green [:Do you?
Speaker C [:Same candle. It's the same candle that a student gave me when I worked at a college 30 years ago, And, it's a
Wendy Green [:beautiful Wow.
Speaker C [:Glass candle holder. We put a little votive candle in there, and Each night, we before we have dinner, we say what we're grateful for. And it's, you know, it's inspiring, but it's also enlightening Because you hear what the other person is thinking about.
Wendy Green [:That's a beautiful idea. I love that. So let me tell people how to find you. You're still gonna have the website, thegagasisterhood.com. And what will people find there?
Speaker C [:They will find lots and lots of resources for grandparenting on Every aspect you could imagine on grandparenting.
Wendy Green [:Okay. Yeah. It is a lot
Speaker C [:a link to my book, And that book is really, for grandparents to have a better relationship with their grandchild's parents Because that is the key. So many grandmas, especially grandmas, go into the relationship thinking it's all about the grandchild.
Wendy Green [:It's true.
Speaker C [:It's not all about
Donne Davis [:the grandchild.
Speaker C [:It's about the the grandchild's parents.
Wendy Green [:It's true. I remember my daughter saying that to me when, You know, our 1st baby, and I was so in love with that baby. And she goes, mom, I was your daughter first.
Speaker C [:What about me? Oh, right. Right.
Wendy Green [:Okay. So check out the gaga sisterhood.com. It really is a resource rich website. You could also email Donnie at donnedavis@gagasisterhood.com.
Speaker C [:I love questions.
Wendy Green [:Well, I love what you shared with us. So thank you so much. And and not only do we love questions, we also love comments. So I would love to hear what you, what is your takeaway from today's conversation about traditions and rituals with Donnie Davis. So you can email me at wendy@heyboomer.biz, and you can email donnie@donniedavis@gagasisterhooddot Come and let her know as well. Also, don't forget to check out all of the lovely offerings At Delilahome. So go to bit, b I t.ly/delilahomedash Boomer, and see what they are offering that you might wanna give as gifts to others or to yourself. And check out all of the wonderful trips at roadscholar.org/heyboomer.
Wendy Green [:Remember, they have trips educational trips To all 50 states and over 100 countries, it really is an amazing organization. I love traveling with them.
Speaker C [:They also have grandparent trips.
Wendy Green [:They do. I've taken a couple of grandparent trips with them.
Speaker C [:Fabulous grandparent trips.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Have you gone?
Speaker C [:No. But many of my gagaws have.
Wendy Green [:They're great. They're really fun trips. Yeah. Let's see. Next week next week, we're gonna talk about hearing loss. So this is something that many of us, If not most of us, we'll experience to varying degrees as we age. My guests, Sherry Eberts And Gail Hanon wrote a book called Hear, h e a r, Hear and Beyond Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss. So I've been reading the book.
Wendy Green [:It really has been fascinating. It's opened my eyes to things I had not considered even though, My mother has had hearing loss all my life, and it has progressed. But even with that knowledge and living with All of the time with her, I've learned so much from this book. So join me next Monday for my discussion with Sherry and Gail, and continue to embrace this time of your life with exploration, self expression, and fulfillment. And my name is Wendy Green with Donnie Davis. Thank you again. And this pleasure. And this has been Hey Boomer.
