No need for fancy words or descriptions. Here I am - unashamed - openly sharing the things that made me, "me". I also share the path that brought me to know and love Jesus. Here is my testimony. Im sure there will be more in the near future, but this is how it all began.

Welcome back, everyone.

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This is, I Can't.

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He Can episode 13, and if you find

yourself on the way to work, taking the

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kids to school, maybe even at home, I wish

you a safe drive and a great, great day.

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Now, today's episode is

titled The Testimony.

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I Know I have shared several testimonies

before, provided by some amazing

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ladies and friends of mine, however.

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After much debate within myself, the one

thing I had in my heart to share this

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week was none other than my testimony.

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I have gone back and

forth, back and forth.

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I had, I mean, so many different

topics that I wanted to to talk about,

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but none of them truly spoke to me.

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I just kept going back to my testimony and

I just, it's almost as if I had a little

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voice in my head saying, my testimony.

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My testimony is it, and

honestly, it's now or never.

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It's now or never.

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Um, now this is not just a testimony

you've heard, from time to time me

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explaining how Eli was the reason

that I started going to church.

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No.

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This is how the Lord saved me

from several things in my life.

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So without further ado, let's begin

unpacking my journey to victory.

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so to begin with, I will preface that

my family has always believed in God,

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but we were not a church family per se.

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I knew God, but I did not know of Jesus,

nor was it something that was spoken.

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Of at home.

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However, now as an adult, if there

was a Bible verse or a scripture

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that I wish, I wish I knew as

a child, it would be this one.

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So let's read Psalm 27 of David, the

Lord is my light and my salvation.

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Whom shall I fear?

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The Lord is the stronghold of my life.

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Of whom shall I be afraid?

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When the wicked advanced against me to

devour me, it is my enemies and my foes

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Who will stumble and fall.

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Though any army besiege me, my heart will

not fear the war break out against me.

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Even then, I will be confident.

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One thing I ask from the Lord and this

only do I seek that I may dwell in

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the house of the Lord all the days of

my life to gaze on the beauty of the

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Lord and to seek him in his temple.

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For in a day of trouble, he will

keep me safe in his dwelling.

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He will hide me in the shelter of his

sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.

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Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround

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me at his sacred tent.

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I will sacrifice with shout of joy, I

will sing and make music to the Lord.

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hear my voice.

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When I call Lord, be merciful

to me and answer me My heart

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says to you, seek his face.

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Your face, Lord, I will seek.

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Do not hide your face from me.

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Do not turn your servant away in anger.

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You have been my helper.

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Do not reject me or forsake me.

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God, my savior, though my

father and mother forsake

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me, the Lord will receive me.

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Teach me your way.

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Lord, lead me in a straight

path because of my oppressors.

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Do not turn me over to the desire of my

foes for false witnesses rise up against

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me spouting malicious accusations.

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I remain confident of this, I

will see the goodness of the

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Lord in the land of the living.

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Wait for the Lord, be strong and

take heart and wait for the Lord.

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Now, if I knew even some of those

words or could grasp the meaning of

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that as a child, I probably would

have come to Jesus a lot sooner.

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But nonetheless, let's start

with some facts for background.

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I am Cuban, born in Havana.

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Came to Florida with my

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From that moment when we got

here, we lived a typical Cuban

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family life with my grandma.

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We lived with my uncle, my aunt,

one of my cousins, and we just,

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you know, the typical upbringing.

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We all lived together.

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So growing up you could consider

us a lower to middle class.

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My mom did everything that she

could to help with the family

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and make ends meet for all of

us along with my aunt and uncle.

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Eventually, my father also came by raft,

with my grandparents and my parents

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then here rekindled their relationship.

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And I love my dad.

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He's the sweetest.

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He's the most generous.

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And honestly young soul

that you would ever meet.

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He has so much energy and he's an

amazing grandfather and an amazing dad.

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But in my opinion, as I was growing

up, he was also growing up and if

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I'm being honest, he was not one to

hold a steady job and he and my mom

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were on and off for so many years.

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Every time that he and her split,

I would go and make the side trick.

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You know, if I'm being honest,

there were so, so many, as for

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my mom, she was always strong.

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always hardworking.

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And during the on and offs of my parents,

they had my sisters, Haley and Janice.

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As soon as Janice was born, a few months

later, my parents split up and this

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was indefinitely, no more together.

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And honestly, not many people hear

about a child being happy that

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their parents are splitting up.

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But I was ecstatic.

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I could not be happier.

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There was no violence, but

there was a lot of anger.

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And a lot of resentment and just

things that children shouldn't

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hear when they're so young.

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So I was honestly very, very

happy that they split up.

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However, my father was not a bad man.

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He just wanted to live his life, I guess.

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I'm not sure exactly what it was, but

thinking of it now as I'm 35 years old,

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he just didn't wanna settle down at the

time, and he never wanted to be alone.

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But nonetheless, after they

split, things were much calmer.

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My sisters and I grew up together doing

what the kids usually do, Typical late

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nineties, early two thousands, childhood.

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It was, honestly, we had a great childhood

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But while my parents were going

through their issues for so many years.

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I was off to my grandma's house

quite often my Mimas house was

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always the center of the family.

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All my aunts uncles met there,

especially on the weekends.

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Everyone spent time together and

on the holidays, uh, we often went

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to some cousin's houses and we

were very, very big on parties.

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My family at the time was very

united and happy, you could say.

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But what was going on with me?

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Well, let's just.

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Let's just get to the point

and let's call it what it is.

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I feel that I was enduring some grooming

and sexual abuse to keep things simple.

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Just saying it outright is hard as

it is for me to say those words.

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Um, but my friends, I don't

speak of these things lightly.

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It has taken me a long, long time to

decide if I even wanted to share it,

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but I don't know who will hear this.

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And in sharing this, I hope that

if someone knows of someone who's

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gone through something similar,

please share it with them.

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Have them listen I want that

person to know that they are not

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alone and that they have Jesus.

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And even in the dark moments in

life, Jesus will make a way for

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you to find the light again.

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And so it was probably

around 96 or 97 honestly.

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It's very, very foggy in my mind.

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It's almost like I blocked out

like 10 years of my life, honestly.

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But at that time, all the cousins

would get together at my grandmother's.

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we were all there because the parents

would go off to work and, that was

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really where we were being taken care of.

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I remember the second oldest cousin.

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I'm not gonna say the names,

we'll just keep it at that.

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But my second oldest

cousin was very fond of me.

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Um, wow.

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I was around seven years old.

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I wanna say, uh, six or seven, give

or take, but I guess you can call this

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the phase that we would play house.

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And um, every time that this

cousin would come over, there were

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instances of us playing house by

ourselves that would take place.

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And thankfully.

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I did not see him as often

because this was every few months.

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And like I said, our families would

leave us there to be taken care of

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sometimes, mostly during the summers.

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Um, but nonetheless, it's

something that no kid should

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ever, ever have to go through.

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And I honestly had no idea what

was going on except that our

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parents would be mad if they knew.

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Of these so-called playing house sessions.

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So I was afraid because I didn't

want my cousin to get in trouble.

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And it's funny 'cause I wasn't

even thinking about me, I was

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thinking about his wellbeing.

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But as the time went

by, it was not enough.

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Now a few years went by again, this

was all on and off and I was around

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nine or so, um, at this time, and.

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One of my younger, um, girl cousins who

I believe was maybe five at that time.

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five, I would say five.

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Um, she was also being dropped

off there to be taken care of, and

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lord behold, you know, she became

part of the playing house again.

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Yes, I was a bit older and I

knew even more at this time

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that these things were wrong.

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But sometimes I don't even

know how to explain it.

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There's just a part of you as a child

that you think that these people that

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love you won't hurt you, and that

these things are normal, especially

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when you've been experiencing it

for three, four years already.

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It just becomes normal.

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It's like almost in your gut as a child,

you know it's not, but your innocence

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just doesn't really let you understand it.

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And anyway, um, yeah,

more things happened.

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Unfortunately, you know, it's, it

just, it, it, it was not right.

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But as we got older, we were together

at my grandma's house, less and less

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thankfully, and we kind of went all

our separate ways and we didn't do

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things together as frequently anymore.

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However, this next part is

when all things hit the fan.

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A few years later, I was probably 13

years old, and by the grace of God,

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my smaller cousin said something

to her mom about that entire ordeal

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and everything came to light.

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It was probably the most embarrassing

and nerve wracking day in my life.

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My family initially blamed me.

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And accused me of being the culprit

and doing all of those things.

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Um, and, you know, once I lost the fear

and honestly got my nerves together and

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got myself in check in that moment, I,

I told my family I was open with them.

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I, and I mentioned my second

oldest cousin, and I started

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from beginning to end and then

everything made sense to them and.

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There was some counseling for

my younger cousin and I, but

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nothing out of the ordinary.

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And it really didn't last more

than two to three sessions.

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the family continued to get

together every holiday for years

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after that, as if nothing happened.

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Literally like nothing happened.

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And guys, I'm telling you, I

went through elementary school,

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middle school, and never hearing

of anything of this ever again.

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It was kind of like the unspoken

secret of the family, and at least

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for me, that's what it felt like.

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it was still very, very embarrassing

and shameful thing that I went through

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because I, part of me at that time

felt like they still blamed me.

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For these things that

were, that were done to me.

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but yet no one spoke of it.

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And even until this very moment

that I'm speaking to you guys right

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now, no one has spoken of it again.

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And I grew, I grew kind of messed up.

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I became super needy.

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I always wanted affection.

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I was a little boy crazy in high

school, and I mean, similar to my dad.

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I was not single for a very long time.

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In between, I always had, a little

boyfriend here and there, and.

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A typical, high school

crushes and dating, right?

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But this doesn't mean that I

had a hundred partners, you

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know, I was still pretty smart.

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And later after high school I did

veer off into more promiscuity

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and had some relationships.

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these are all things

that I'm not proud of.

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I do, I really do think that it's a lot

of things that many women go through.

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And just thinking that they always need

a relationship and always need to have

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someone and always want to be loved.

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But I never even thought of God in

the midst of all of those things.

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And I wish I had, I wish I knew God

in those times because I would've been

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very, very different and made many,

many different decisions for sure.

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but anyway, it sucks.

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to even think, in times when I needed

money, um, when I was younger, like early

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twenties, maybe late teens, that's the

only time that I asked God for anything.

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When I was in a tight spot,

I would ask him to help me.

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And that's how so many people are only

seeking God when they're in trouble.

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And I never knew him.

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I never knew him, and now as.

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I'm older, and you know, I

consider myself a little wiser.

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I can see the times that he was throwing

me a bone, but through my entire

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childhood and teenage years, I never

looked for the Lord the first time.

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I can honestly say I got a glimpse

of God and thought about him more

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was on my stepfather's death bed.

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and just a few hours before he passed

away, My stepdad had a scab protrude

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on his left wrist in the shape of a

cross, and I don't know why, but in that

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moment, in that moment, I saw it with

my mom and a few other people that were

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in the room, and I knew that God was in

fact real and that he was there with us.

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And that he was with my stepdad.

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in this time I was pregnant with Eli.

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I was 13 weeks pregnant to be exact.

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Um, my son's father, unbeknownst

to me, he was a children's youth

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group pastor in Cuba before he

came to, the United States.

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he was very familiar with church the

word and the Christian lifestyle per se.

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And he wanted me to attend the

church, but I told him that

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it was quote, not my thing.

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So our relationship

didn't last, obviously.

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And to be frank, it was a very toxic,

jealous type of relationship, and

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it really gave me a bad taste in

my mouth for what Christians were,

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He gave Christians a bad rap.

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But although he did know the word

of God during my pregnancy and the

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first six months of Eli's life,

there was not a single loving

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Christian hair in that man's body.

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I'm grateful because the Lord

gave me my son, but I know.

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That together, he and I just

would not work I didn't wanna be

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that version of my mom and dad.

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So when Eli was six months, we

split and about a year later,

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Lord behold, there's Sariah again.

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I fell in love head over heels with this

guy who will just say his name is Jay.

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I was in love with this person.

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Head over heels.

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I'm telling you guys head over heels.

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This is when I say that my always seeking

love side and needy side would come out.

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And it did in fact come out with Jay.

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He loved my son and as a mom, you

know, that's all we really want.

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So fast forwarding into that relationship,

We eventually move in together.

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Things are going well.

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So I think, you know, and um,

I did not allow myself any time

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to recover from my son's father.

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And I had many insecurities and

baggage, for a lack of better word.

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But anyway, my friends, to be even more

upfront and honest, this is the biggest

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sin that I have had to repent for.

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And this man that I thought I was

in love with at the time made me

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believe that he wanted to marry me.

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At least that's how I felt at the moment.

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Looking back, I, you know,

he could have just said, Hey,

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I don't wanna move forward.

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But anyway, we wanna on a

birthday cruise for me, I think

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maybe like my 26th birthday.

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I'm not sure.

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However, a day or two before the trip.

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I would find out that I

was going to have a baby.

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Oh, and he, he knew, he was shocked.

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And on that birthday cruise, it was

just him and I, he proposed and as

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soon as we got off that trip, it was

like a switch turned off in his brain.

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Something there shut down.

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And before I knew it, we were in the car

having a conversation a few days later

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About it not being the right

time to have a child and that we

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had so many more things to look

forward to in the next few years.

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And if you're thinking what I think

you're thinking, you're correct.

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He was driving me to an abortion

clinic and um, he had made that

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appointment days before and.

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He didn't drive me there until he had

that conversation with me, and I was

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obviously distraught because like I said,

I was head over heels for this person,

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but the weak part of me took over the

weak part of me that wanted to please

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him, that wanted to do anything to make

sure that he stayed, because I imagine

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that future that he was talking about.

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And so I went forward with it, my friends.

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And mind you, before I had

Eli, I, I had a miscarriage due

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to, some cysts in my ovaries.

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I have PCOS.

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So from that very first pregnancy,

um, the cyst actually grew

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even bigger than my ovary.

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And I was rushed to surgery.

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Long story short, a week after,

because I was put under general

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anesthesia, I had a miscarriage.

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So just going through that whole

ordeal, driving to the clinic,

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putting myself voluntarily

through having an abortion, and

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I'm getting chills right now as

I'm speaking about this, as is.

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It's a lot.

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Um, but just putting myself through

that situation after, already having

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gone through something similar, even

though, you know, not voluntary.

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I just, I never imagined

myself doing that, ever.

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Um, but of course, if you try to guess

now how that story ends, you are correct.

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You are correct.

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We are obviously not together.

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He actually threw me and Eli out of

the house just a few weeks later.

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And if I am here, it's because

God has more plans for me because

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there were some very dark.

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Moments and months that I lived through

in my mind, silently and quietly.

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And I had a great friend at the

time who acted like an angel.

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It was as if she was put in my

path and she served a purpose to

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get me in a better state of mind.

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And she got me out of that.

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She got me through it but

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I slowly picked myself up or thinking

it was me, but I know that God was

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there with me the whole time As I

immersed myself in the world of being a

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paralegal, I met a good amount of people.

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one of the persons that I met, actually

dedicated the blessing to me a few

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years later and years go by now.

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I feel that I have put all of those

things behind me, all of the things

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that I went through at that time with

Jay, and, um, I spent some time alone.

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I thought that healing at the

time was what people would do

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when they would soul search.

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And it was quiet.

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It was just Eli and I and serendipitously,

Ernesto and I came together again.

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And it was great because he and

I had dated when we were 18.

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This was a person that I knew.

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he was a wonderful person back then

and he's still a wonderful person now.

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And many years, without speaking,

I think probably 12 years.

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We came in contact again and we

have not been apart since this year.

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We will make six years

together, thank God.

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Praise the Lord.

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But even though it has been the

most fulfilling relationship I have

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had, it has also been the hardest.

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and a little side note also because.

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In this relationship I finally realized

how a relationship should work, and

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now that I have started my walk with

Christ, I see so many things differently.

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I understand now that I was

seeing my marriage from a

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completely warped point of view.

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It was just not right, and I was quite

literally tearing my own marriage apart.

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I struggled with lust and not

understanding the way God sees marriage

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my heart had to unwind that picture

of the movies and come to terms with

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what a true marriage would be like

in biblical terms, and it was tough.

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There were times where I would seek others

for attention for the smallest thing that

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I was missing or felt that I was missing

in my marriage, and it was so lonely.

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I had this awesome, amazing husband in

front of me and I wasn't appreciating

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him, and I had to surrender.

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And there was a moment this

year when I almost threw away

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my marriage, like for real.

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There were a few times before too,

but this was a moment that held

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true where this threat almost.

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It caused us to divorce,

but that switch was flipped.

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The light was turned on the same way

that in Jay, that light was turned off

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and everything just went to crap in our

relationship at that time in my marriage.

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Now my switch turned on

and I could see the light.

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And my friends, when I'm telling you,

God delivered me, God delivered me.

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Like to this day, I think I spoke about

it with Brandy in the last episode.

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Her and I did together,

but God delivered me.

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I truly feel that whatever demon

of lust I had internally was gone.

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This is not to say I don't think about

sex because as you know, a 30 5-year-old

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woman being married, of course that.

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Completely natural, but it was

not consuming me in the way

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that it was consuming me before.

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And whatever negativity surrounded,

our marriage was lifted.

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I saw my husband in a new light,

all the good that he does and did.

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I was seeing it.

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It was brighter all

around me and all I felt.

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Was the sadness of how I hurt my

husband by telling him I didn't

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want this marriage anymore.

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I was cold.

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I was ice cold when I told him I

didn't want our marriage anymore.

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But after that switch flipped

and the light was on again, I

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felt sad for what I did to him.

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I felt remorse.

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And in that moment I knew it was

the Holy Spirit doing a work.

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I knew it.

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And so I'm gonna read John

14 verse 17 through 18.

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But you know him for he lives

with you and will be in you.

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I will not leave you as orphans.

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I will come to you and my friends.

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Looking back to my life, I can quite

pinpoint many, many times that God was

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screaming at me to grab his lifeline.

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He did that in my marriage and he woke

me up from that dream, that horrible

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dream that I was stuck in for years.

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He woke me up and he saved me from

making probably the biggest mistake of

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my life, one of the biggest things that

I had to rid myself of was the grudge

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that I held for my family for so long.

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I mean, they never knew it because

again, we never spoke about it

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after that day when I was 13.

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But for the longest time, I never

realized how much of a grudge I held.

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I ask myself how was it that your family

who loves you can continue to spend

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time with a person that that hurt you?

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That hurt you so deeply, that

scarred you quite literally for life.

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And it just continued on like if

nothing happened, and I never realized

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that I internalized that even though

I hadn't actually spoken about

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it or said it out loud to anyone.

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I held that inside and

I kept it for so long.

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So that's one of the first things that

I asked God to help me with, to just

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remove out of my life, out of my heart.

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because I don't want to pass those

sort of things onto my children.

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And so I finally let that go.

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and I can pinpoint so many other

times where he was trying to

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make me grab that lifeline again.

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My Aunt Tita, who passed away when

I was in third grade, she was the

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only family member that knew Jesus.

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I would hear her.

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I remember her talking about Jesus,

but I didn't remember it in the

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dark moments, but I remember it now.

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And then Eli's dad, Christian,

man, we could have been something

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great, but God near the way that

it was supposed to work out.

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That coworker that showed me the

blessing and became obsessed with

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that song, and every time that

I would hear it, I just cried.

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Tears just rolled on my cheeks.

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And that was him.

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That was the Holy Spirit.

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But I didn't recognize it

because I didn't know Jesus yet.

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I knew how it made me feel,

but I didn't know why.

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And then of course there was Brandy,

my best friend and a few other people

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that didn't invite me to church.

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But lastly there was Eli.

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And you guys know the story already,

but if God knew I would listen to

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someone he knew it would be my son.

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And he spoke to me through my son,

quite literally, and I'm so grateful

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that he did because he, he is the

reason that I started going to church.

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The true reason.

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Yeah.

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Brandy could have asked me a bunch of

times and maybe I would've gone, but

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the intention of wanting to go because

my son wanted to hear what they had to

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say, that it wouldn't have been the same.

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And I am so grateful

because I started going.

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I started serving.

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I began to feel conviction of

everything that I was doing wrong.

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And little by little, little

by little, I started repenting.

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I started surrendering.

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I really felt things changing, and I was

surrounded by godly friends, by people

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that I now have in my life people who

openly speak of their shortcomings.

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I would not be here doing this if I

wasn't inspired because of other people.

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I have heard so many tidbits of

people's testimonies and it really

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opened up my heart to share mine

because we all walk this crazy life.

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We have all gone through dark times,

but I truly believe that if we look

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up and seek the Lord at any point.

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And we truly open up our hearts, he

will hold his mighty hand out and

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pull us from the grip of the enemy.

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And that's why now, as a parent, a

Christian parent, a God-fearing woman,

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I am doing everything in my power to not

let my kids be alone a day in their life.

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I don't want them to be alone.

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I don't want them to be

without Jesus in their heart.

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I don't want them to take

a step in the morning.

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And not remember that

Jesus is in their corner.

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And so my friends, I wanna leave

you with this last scripture just

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to show you how good our God is, how

gracious and loving, no matter what

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we do or go through, he will always.

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Come running for us when we call

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Psalm 91, verse 14 through 16.

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Because he loves me, says the Lord.

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I will rescue him.

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I will protect him for

he acknowledges my name.

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He will call on me and I will answer him.

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I will be with him in trouble.

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I will deliver him and

honor him with long life.

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I will satisfy him.

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And show him my salvation.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Salvation.

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He showed my friends, I am saved all.

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glory to God.

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All glory to God.

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Thank you so much for tuning in on.

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Once again, I really hope that there is

someone that listens to this testimony.

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And if there is one little glimpse of

their life in here, that they can see

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through mine and how far I've come.

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I want them to know that

they can also come this far.

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And it's all because we

have Jesus in our corner.

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Even when we don't hear

him and we don't see him.

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So thank you so much for tuning in once

again, my friends, I love you all and I

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hope to have you back again next week.

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Take care.