No need for fancy words or descriptions. Here I am - unashamed - openly sharing the things that made me, "me". I also share the path that brought me to know and love Jesus. Here is my testimony.

Welcome back, everyone.

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This is, I Can't.

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He Can episode 13, and if you find

yourself on the way to work, taking the

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kids to school, maybe even at home, I wish

you a safe drive and a great, great day.

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Now, today's episode is

titled The Testimony.

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I Know I have shared several testimonies

before, provided by some amazing

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ladies and friends of mine, however.

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After much debate within myself, the one

thing I had in my heart to share this

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week was none other than my testimony.

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I have gone back and

forth, back and forth.

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I had, I mean, so many different

topics that I wanted to to talk about,

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but none of them truly spoke to me.

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I just kept going back to my testimony and

I just, it's almost as if I had a little

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voice in my head saying, my testimony.

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My testimony is it, and

honestly, it's now or never.

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It's now or never.

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Um, now this is not just a testimony

you've heard, from time to time me

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explaining how Eli was the reason

that I started going to church.

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No.

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This is how the Lord saved me

from several things in my life.

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So without further ado, let's begin

unpacking my journey to victory.

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so to begin with, I will preface that

my family has always believed in God,

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but we were not a church family per se.

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I knew God, but I did not know of Jesus,

nor was it something that was spoken.

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Of at home.

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However, now as an adult, if there

was a Bible verse or a scripture

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that I wish, I wish I knew as

a child, it would be this one.

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So let's read Psalm 27 of David, the

Lord is my light and my salvation.

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Whom shall I fear?

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The Lord is the stronghold of my life.

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Of whom shall I be afraid?

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When the wicked advanced against me to

devour me, it is my enemies and my foes

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Who will stumble and fall.

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Though any army besiege me, my heart will

not fear the war break out against me.

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Even then, I will be confident.

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One thing I ask from the Lord and this

only do I seek that I may dwell in

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the house of the Lord all the days of

my life to gaze on the beauty of the

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Lord and to seek him in his temple.

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For in a day of trouble, he will

keep me safe in his dwelling.

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He will hide me in the shelter of his

sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.

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Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround

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me at his sacred tent.

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I will sacrifice with shout of joy, I

will sing and make music to the Lord.

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hear my voice.

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When I call Lord, be merciful

to me and answer me My heart

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says to you, seek his face.

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Your face, Lord, I will seek.

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Do not hide your face from me.

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Do not turn your servant away in anger.

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You have been my helper.

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Do not reject me or forsake me.

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God, my savior, though my

father and mother forsake

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me, the Lord will receive me.

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Teach me your way.

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Lord, lead me in a straight

path because of my oppressors.

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Do not turn me over to the desire of my

foes for false witnesses rise up against

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me spouting malicious accusations.

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I remain confident of this, I

will see the goodness of the

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Lord in the land of the living.

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Wait for the Lord, be strong and

take heart and wait for the Lord.

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Now, if I knew even some of those

words or could grasp the meaning of

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that as a child, I probably would

have come to Jesus a lot sooner.

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But nonetheless, let's start

with some facts for background.

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I am Cuban, born in Havana.

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Came to Florida with my

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From that moment when we got

here, we lived a typical Cuban

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family life with my grandma.

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We lived with my uncle, my aunt,

one of my cousins, and we just,

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you know, the typical upbringing.

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We all lived together.

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So growing up you could consider

us a lower to middle class.

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My mom did everything that she

could to help with the family

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and make ends meet for all of

us along with my aunt and uncle.

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Eventually, my father also came by raft,

with my grandparents and my parents

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then here rekindled their relationship.

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And I love my dad.

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He's the sweetest.

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He's the most generous.

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And honestly young soul

that you would ever meet.

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He has so much energy and he's an

amazing grandfather and an amazing dad.

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But in my opinion, as I was growing

up, he was also growing up and if

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I'm being honest, he was not one to

hold a steady job and he and my mom

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were on and off for so many years.

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Every time that he and her split,

I would go and make the side trick.

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You know, if I'm being honest,

there were so, so many, as for

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my mom, she was always strong.

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always hardworking.

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And during the on and offs of my parents,

they had my sisters, Haley and Janice.

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As soon as Janice was born, a few months

later, my parents split up and this

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was indefinitely, no more together.

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And honestly, not many people hear

about a child being happy that

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their parents are splitting up.

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But I was ecstatic.

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I could not be happier.

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There was no violence, but

there was a lot of anger.

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And a lot of resentment and just

things that children shouldn't

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hear when they're so young.

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So I was honestly very, very

happy that they split up.

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However, my father was not a bad man.

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He just wanted to live his life, I guess.

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I'm not sure exactly what it was, but

thinking of it now as I'm 35 years old,

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he just didn't wanna settle down at the

time, and he never wanted to be alone.

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But nonetheless, after they

split, things were much calmer.

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My sisters and I grew up together doing

what the kids usually do, Typical late

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nineties, early two thousands, childhood.

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It was, honestly, we had a great childhood

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But while my parents were going

through their issues for so many years.

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I was off to my grandma's house

quite often my Mimas house was

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always the center of the family.

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All my aunts uncles met there,

especially on the weekends.

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Everyone spent time together and

on the holidays, uh, we often went

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to some cousin's houses and we

were very, very big on parties.

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My family at the time was very

united and happy, you could say.

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But what was going on with me?

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Well, let's just.

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Let's just get to the point

and let's call it what it is.

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I feel that I was enduring some grooming

and sexual abuse to keep things simple.

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Just saying it outright is hard as

it is for me to say those words.

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Um, but my friends, I don't

speak of these things lightly.

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It has taken me a long, long time to

decide if I even wanted to share it,

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but I don't know who will hear this.

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And in sharing this, I hope that

if someone knows of someone who's

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gone through something similar,

please share it with them.

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Have them listen I want that

person to know that they are not

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alone and that they have Jesus.

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And even in the dark moments in

life, Jesus will make a way for

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you to find the light again.

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And so it was probably

around 96 or 97 honestly.

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It's very, very foggy in my mind.

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It's almost like I blocked out

like 10 years of my life, honestly.

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But at that time, all the cousins

would get together at my grandmother's.

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we were all there because the parents

would go off to work and, that was

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really where we were being taken care of.

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I remember the second oldest cousin.

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I'm not gonna say the names,

we'll just keep it at that.

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But my second oldest

cousin was very fond of me.

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Um, wow.

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I was around seven years old.

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I wanna say, uh, six or seven, give

or take, but I guess you can call this

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the phase that we would play house.

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And um, every time that this

cousin would come over, there were

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instances of us playing house by

ourselves that would take place.

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And thankfully.

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I did not see him as often

because this was every few months.

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And like I said, our families would

leave us there to be taken care of

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sometimes, mostly during the summers.

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Um, but nonetheless, it's

something that no kid should

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ever, ever have to go through.

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And I honestly had no idea what

was going on except that our

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parents would be mad if they knew.

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Of these so-called playing house sessions.

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So I was afraid because I didn't

want my cousin to get in trouble.

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And it's funny 'cause I wasn't

even thinking about me, I was

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thinking about his wellbeing.

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But as the time went

by, it was not enough.

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Now a few years went by again, this

was all on and off and I was around

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nine or so, um, at this time, and.

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One of my younger, um, girl cousins who

I believe was maybe five at that time.

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five, I would say five.

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Um, she was also being dropped

off there to be taken care of, and

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lord behold, you know, she became

part of the playing house again.

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Yes, I was a bit older and I

knew even more at this time

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that these things were wrong.

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But sometimes I don't even

know how to explain it.

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There's just a part of you as a child

that you think that these people that

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love you won't hurt you, and that

these things are normal, especially

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when you've been experiencing it

for three, four years already.

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It just becomes normal.

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It's like almost in your gut as a child,

you know it's not, but your innocence

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just doesn't really let you understand it.

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And anyway, um, yeah,

more things happened.

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Unfortunately, you know, it's, it

just, it, it, it was not right.

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But as we got older, we were together

at my grandma's house, less and less

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thankfully, and we kind of went all

our separate ways and we didn't do

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things together as frequently anymore.

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However, this next part is

when all things hit the fan.

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A few years later, I was probably 13

years old, and by the grace of God,

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my smaller cousin said something

to her mom about that entire ordeal

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and everything came to light.

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It was probably the most embarrassing

and nerve wracking day in my life.

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My family initially blamed me.

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And accused me of being the culprit

and doing all of those things.

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Um, and, you know, once I lost the fear

and honestly got my nerves together and

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got myself in check in that moment, I,

I told my family I was open with them.

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I, and I mentioned my second

oldest cousin, and I started

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from beginning to end and then

everything made sense to them and.

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There was some counseling for

my younger cousin and I, but

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nothing out of the ordinary.

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And it really didn't last more

than two to three sessions.

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the family continued to get

together every holiday for years

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after that, as if nothing happened.

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Literally like nothing happened.

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And guys, I'm telling you, I

went through elementary school,

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middle school, and never hearing

of anything of this ever again.

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It was kind of like the unspoken

secret of the family, and at least

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for me, that's what it felt like.

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it was still very, very embarrassing

and shameful thing that I went through

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because I, part of me at that time

felt like they still blamed me.

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For these things that

were, that were done to me.

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but yet no one spoke of it.

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And even until this very moment

that I'm speaking to you guys right

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now, no one has spoken of it again.

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And I grew, I grew kind of messed up.

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I became super needy.

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I always wanted affection.

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I was a little boy crazy in high

school, and I mean, similar to my dad.

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I was not single for a very long time.

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In between, I always had, a little

boyfriend here and there, and.

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A typical, high school

crushes and dating, right?

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But this doesn't mean that I

had a hundred partners, you

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know, I was still pretty smart.

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And later after high school I did

veer off into more promiscuity

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and had some relationships.

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these are all things

that I'm not proud of.

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I do, I really do think that it's a lot

of things that many women go through.

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And just thinking that they always need

a relationship and always need to have

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someone and always want to be loved.

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But I never even thought of God in

the midst of all of those things.

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And I wish I had, I wish I knew God

in those times because I would've been

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very, very different and made many,

many different decisions for sure.

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but anyway, it sucks.

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to even think, in times when I needed

money, um, when I was younger, like early

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twenties, maybe late teens, that's the

only time that I asked God for anything.

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When I was in a tight spot,

I would ask him to help me.

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And that's how so many people are only

seeking God when they're in trouble.

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And I never knew him.

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I never knew him, and now as.

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I'm older, and you know, I

consider myself a little wiser.

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I can see the times that he was throwing

me a bone, but through my entire

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childhood and teenage years, I never

looked for the Lord the first time.

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I can honestly say I got a glimpse

of God and thought about him more

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was on my stepfather's death bed.

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and just a few hours before he passed

away, My stepdad had a scab protrude

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on his left wrist in the shape of a

cross, and I don't know why, but in that

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moment, in that moment, I saw it with

my mom and a few other people that were

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in the room, and I knew that God was in

fact real and that he was there with us.

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And that he was with my stepdad.

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in this time I was pregnant with Eli.

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I was 13 weeks pregnant to be exact.

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Um, my son's father, unbeknownst

to me, he was a children's youth

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group pastor in Cuba before he

came to, the United States.

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he was very familiar with church the

word and the Christian lifestyle per se.

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And he wanted me to attend the

church, but I told him that

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it was quote, not my thing.

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So our relationship

didn't last, obviously.

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And to be frank, it was a very toxic,

jealous type of relationship, and

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it really gave me a bad taste in

my mouth for what Christians were,

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He gave Christians a bad rap.

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But although he did know the word

of God during my pregnancy and the

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first six months of Eli's life,

there was not a single loving

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Christian hair in that man's body.

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I'm grateful because the Lord

gave me my son, but I know.

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That together, he and I just

would not work I didn't wanna be

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that version of my mom and dad.

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So when Eli was six months, we

split and about a year later,

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Lord behold, there's Sariah again.

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I fell in love head over heels with this

guy who will just say his name is Jay.

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I was in love with this person.

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Head over heels.

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I'm telling you guys head over heels.

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This is when I say that my always seeking

love side and needy side would come out.

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And it did in fact come out with Jay.

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He loved my son and as a mom, you

know, that's all we really want.

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So fast forwarding into that relationship,

We eventually move in together.

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Things are going well.

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So I think, you know, and um,

I did not allow myself any time

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to recover from my son's father.

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And I had many insecurities and

baggage, for a lack of better word.

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But anyway, my friends, to be even more

upfront and honest, this is the biggest

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sin that I have had to repent for.

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And this man that I thought I was

in love with at the time made me

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believe that he wanted to marry me.

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At least that's how I felt at the moment.

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Looking back, I, you know,

he could have just said, Hey,

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I don't wanna move forward.

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But anyway, we wanna on a

birthday cruise for me, I think

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maybe like my 26th birthday.

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I'm not sure.

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However, a day or two before the trip.

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I would find out that I

was going to have a baby.

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Oh, and he, he knew, he was shocked.

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And on that birthday cruise, it was

just him and I, he proposed and as

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soon as we got off that trip, it was

like a switch turned off in his brain.

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Something there shut down.

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And before I knew it, we were in the car

having a conversation a few days later

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About it not being the right

time to have a child and that we

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had so many more things to look

forward to in the next few years.

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And if you're thinking what I think

you're thinking, you're correct.

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He was driving me to an abortion

clinic and um, he had made that

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appointment days before and.

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He didn't drive me there until he had

that conversation with me, and I was

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obviously distraught because like I said,

I was head over heels for this person,

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but the weak part of me took over the

weak part of me that wanted to please

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him, that wanted to do anything to make

sure that he stayed, because I imagine

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that future that he was talking about.

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And so I went forward with it, my friends.

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And mind you, before I had

Eli, I, I had a miscarriage due

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to, some cysts in my ovaries.

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I have PCOS.

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So from that very first pregnancy,

um, the cyst actually grew

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even bigger than my ovary.

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And I was rushed to surgery.

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Long story short, a week after,

because I was put under general

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anesthesia, I had a miscarriage.

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So just going through that whole

ordeal, driving to the clinic,

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putting myself voluntarily

through having an abortion, and

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I'm getting chills right now as

I'm speaking about this, as is.

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It's a lot.

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Um, but just putting myself through

that situation after, already having

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gone through something similar, even

though, you know, not voluntary.

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I just, I never imagined

myself doing that, ever.

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Um, but of course, if you try to guess

now how that story ends, you are correct.

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You are correct.

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We are obviously not together.

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He actually threw me and Eli out of

the house just a few weeks later.

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And if I am here, it's because

God has more plans for me because

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there were some very dark.

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Moments and months that I lived through

in my mind, silently and quietly.

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And I had a great friend at the

time who acted like an angel.

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It was as if she was put in my

path and she served a purpose to

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get me in a better state of mind.

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And she got me out of that.

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She got me through it but

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I slowly picked myself up or thinking

it was me, but I know that God was

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there with me the whole time As I

immersed myself in the world of being a

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paralegal, I met a good amount of people.

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one of the persons that I met, actually

dedicated the blessing to me a few

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years later and years go by now.

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I feel that I have put all of those

things behind me, all of the things

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that I went through at that time with

Jay, and, um, I spent some time alone.

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I thought that healing at the

time was what people would do

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when they would soul search.

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And it was quiet.

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It was just Eli and I and serendipitously,

Ernesto and I came together again.

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And it was great because he and

I had dated when we were 18.

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This was a person that I knew.

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he was a wonderful person back then

and he's still a wonderful person now.

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And many years, without speaking,

I think probably 12 years.

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We came in contact again and we

have not been apart since this year.

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We will make six years

together, thank God.

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Praise the Lord.

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But even though it has been the

most fulfilling relationship I have

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had, it has also been the hardest.

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and a little side note also because.

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In this relationship I finally realized

how a relationship should work, and

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now that I have started my walk with

Christ, I see so many things differently.

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I understand now that I was

seeing my marriage from a

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completely warped point of view.

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It was just not right, and I was quite

literally tearing my own marriage apart.

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I struggled with lust and not

understanding the way God sees marriage

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my heart had to unwind that picture

of the movies and come to terms with

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what a true marriage would be like

in biblical terms, and it was tough.

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There were times where I would seek others

for attention for the smallest thing that

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I was missing or felt that I was missing

in my marriage, and it was so lonely.

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I had this awesome, amazing husband in

front of me and I wasn't appreciating

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him, and I had to surrender.

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And there was a moment this

year when I almost threw away

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my marriage, like for real.

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There were a few times before too,

but this was a moment that held

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true where this threat almost.

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It caused us to divorce,

but that switch was flipped.

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The light was turned on the same way

that in Jay, that light was turned off

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and everything just went to crap in our

relationship at that time in my marriage.

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Now my switch turned on

and I could see the light.

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And my friends, when I'm telling you,

God delivered me, God delivered me.

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Like to this day, I think I spoke about

it with Brandy in the last episode.

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Her and I did together,

but God delivered me.

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I truly feel that whatever demon

of lust I had internally was gone.

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This is not to say I don't think about

sex because as you know, a 30 5-year-old

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woman being married, of course that.

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Completely natural, but it was

not consuming me in the way

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that it was consuming me before.

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And whatever negativity surrounded,

our marriage was lifted.

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I saw my husband in a new light,

all the good that he does and did.

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I was seeing it.

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It was brighter all

around me and all I felt.

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Was the sadness of how I hurt my

husband by telling him I didn't

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want this marriage anymore.

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I was cold.

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I was ice cold when I told him I

didn't want our marriage anymore.

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But after that switch flipped

and the light was on again, I

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felt sad for what I did to him.

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I felt remorse.

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And in that moment I knew it was

the Holy Spirit doing a work.

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I knew it.

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And so I'm gonna read John

14 verse 17 through 18.

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But you know him for he lives

with you and will be in you.

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I will not leave you as orphans.

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I will come to you and my friends.

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Looking back to my life, I can quite

pinpoint many, many times that God was

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screaming at me to grab his lifeline.

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He did that in my marriage and he woke

me up from that dream, that horrible

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dream that I was stuck in for years.

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He woke me up and he saved me from

making probably the biggest mistake of

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my life, one of the biggest things that

I had to rid myself of was the grudge

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that I held for my family for so long.

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I mean, they never knew it because

again, we never spoke about it

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after that day when I was 13.

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But for the longest time, I never

realized how much of a grudge I held.

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I ask myself how was it that your family

who loves you can continue to spend

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time with a person that that hurt you?

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That hurt you so deeply, that

scarred you quite literally for life.

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And it just continued on like if

nothing happened, and I never realized

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that I internalized that even though

I hadn't actually spoken about

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it or said it out loud to anyone.

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I held that inside and

I kept it for so long.

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So that's one of the first things that

I asked God to help me with, to just

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remove out of my life, out of my heart.

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because I don't want to pass those

sort of things onto my children.

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And so I finally let that go.

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and I can pinpoint so many other

times where he was trying to

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make me grab that lifeline again.

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My Aunt Tita, who passed away when

I was in third grade, she was the

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only family member that knew Jesus.

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I would hear her.

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I remember her talking about Jesus,

but I didn't remember it in the

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dark moments, but I remember it now.

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And then Eli's dad, Christian,

man, we could have been something

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great, but God near the way that

it was supposed to work out.

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That coworker that showed me the

blessing and became obsessed with

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that song, and every time that

I would hear it, I just cried.

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Tears just rolled on my cheeks.

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And that was him.

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That was the Holy Spirit.

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But I didn't recognize it

because I didn't know Jesus yet.

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I knew how it made me feel,

but I didn't know why.

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And then of course there was Brandy,

my best friend and a few other people

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that didn't invite me to church.

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But lastly there was Eli.

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And you guys know the story already,

but if God knew I would listen to

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someone he knew it would be my son.

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And he spoke to me through my son,

quite literally, and I'm so grateful

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that he did because he, he is the

reason that I started going to church.

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The true reason.

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Yeah.

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Brandy could have asked me a bunch of

times and maybe I would've gone, but

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the intention of wanting to go because

my son wanted to hear what they had to

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say, that it wouldn't have been the same.

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And I am so grateful

because I started going.

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I started serving.

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I began to feel conviction of

everything that I was doing wrong.

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And little by little, little

by little, I started repenting.

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I started surrendering.

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I really felt things changing, and I was

surrounded by godly friends, by people

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that I now have in my life people who

openly speak of their shortcomings.

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I would not be here doing this if I

wasn't inspired because of other people.

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I have heard so many tidbits of

people's testimonies and it really

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opened up my heart to share mine

because we all walk this crazy life.

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We have all gone through dark times,

but I truly believe that if we look

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up and seek the Lord at any point.

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And we truly open up our hearts, he

will hold his mighty hand out and

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pull us from the grip of the enemy.

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And that's why now, as a parent, a

Christian parent, a God-fearing woman,

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I am doing everything in my power to not

let my kids be alone a day in their life.

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I don't want them to be alone.

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I don't want them to be

without Jesus in their heart.

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I don't want them to take

a step in the morning.

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And not remember that

Jesus is in their corner.

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And so my friends, I wanna leave

you with this last scripture just

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to show you how good our God is, how

gracious and loving, no matter what

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we do or go through, he will always.

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Come running for us when we call

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Psalm 91, verse 14 through 16.

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Because he loves me, says the Lord.

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I will rescue him.

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I will protect him for

he acknowledges my name.

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He will call on me and I will answer him.

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I will be with him in trouble.

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I will deliver him and

honor him with long life.

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I will satisfy him.

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And show him my salvation.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Salvation.

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He showed my friends, I am saved all.

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glory to God.

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All glory to God.

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Thank you so much for tuning in on.

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Once again, I really hope that there is

someone that listens to this testimony.

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And if there is one little glimpse of

their life in here, that they can see

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through mine and how far I've come.

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I want them to know that

they can also come this far.

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And it's all because we

have Jesus in our corner.

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Even when we don't hear

him and we don't see him.

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So thank you so much for tuning in once

again, my friends, I love you all and I

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hope to have you back again next week.

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Take care.