Shownotes
High summer. A young werewolf feels, with all the desperation of youth, that he’s waited his whole life to find the place he belongs.
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “There's a Place in the Great Pack For You” by Rob MacWolf, who if he believes in anything, he believes in this. You can find more of his work in anthologies from the Furry Historical Fiction Society, and you can find previous stories on this theme right here on the Voice of Dog.
Special thanks to those who provided advice and consultation in the writing of this story: B. P. Rugger, George Squares, J.S. Hawthorne, Mirapunk, Sahoni, Starringer, Tonya Song, and Khaki of course.
Read by the author.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/theres-a-place-in-the-great-pack-for-you-by-rob-macwolf-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:Today’s story is the first of two parts of
Speaker:“There's a Place in the Great Pack For You”
Speaker:by Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:who if he believes in anything, he believes in this.
Speaker:You can find more of his work
Speaker:in Anthologies from the Furry Historical Fiction Society,
Speaker:and you can find previous stories on this theme
Speaker:right here on the Voice of Dog.
Speaker:The change in what a werewolf is allowed to be in story, in our lifetimes, is striking.
Speaker:Werewolves have gone from movie monsters, to be reviled,
Speaker:to more likely to be an ally
Speaker:than an enemy. Which is to say nothing of the place of the werewolf in the furry community:
Speaker:they were always here,
Speaker:because they were us.
Speaker:It is well to note a similar upswell of acceptance, in our lifetimes,
Speaker:of queer people and queer lives.
Speaker:The fight for our rightful place in society is by no means over,
Speaker:but we too have transformed, in more eyes than not, do not forget that,
Speaker:from monsters to be feared and reviled to figures of sympathy
Speaker:and admiration. It is only right
Speaker:to take well-deserved encouragement from that.
Speaker:Which is, again, to say nothing of the furry community:
Speaker:for again, queer people have always been there,
Speaker:because they were us.
Speaker:Special thanks to those who provided advice and consultation in the writing of this story: B.
Speaker:P. Rugger, George Squares,
Speaker:J.S. Hawthorne, Mirapunk, Sahoni,
Speaker:Starringer, Tonya Song,
Speaker:and Khaki of course.
Speaker:Read by the author.
Speaker:Please enjoy “There's a Place in the Great Pack For You”
Speaker:by Rob MacWolf (part 1
Speaker:of 2) “Welp, here they are, then,”
Speaker:said Dad. Paul’s bags were packed.
Speaker:He’d done that before sunrise.
Speaker:Wallet and ID. Toothbrush, toothpaste.
Speaker:Utility knife with pliers, screwdriver, and can opener.
Speaker:Scarf he’d knitted, wool he’d sheared himself, that year he’d honestly tried to make peace with the idea of staying.
Speaker:First aid kit, including aconite antidotes.
Speaker:A few changes of socks and underwear,
Speaker:and a spare pair of jeans
Speaker:—he wasn’t planning on getting much use out of those.
Speaker:Two brushes, the package the latter had come in said it was the ‘Furnihilator’
Speaker:and was recommended for large or shaggy coated breeds.
Speaker:Foldable atlas, in which Mom had painstakingly marked the locations and addresses of every pack she knew of,
Speaker:all over the country, even in Mexico and Canada.
Speaker:He’d left behind all the state fair ribbons for
Speaker:‘3rd Prize Ewe Such-and-such A Year’ and ‘1st
Speaker:Prize Lamb Such-and-such A Year,’
Speaker:those were nothing to him,
Speaker:but the ‘First Place’ medal,
Speaker:with the picture of a smug-looking sheepdog,
Speaker:he’d pinned to the strap of his backpack.
Speaker:That one meant he’d been good enough to fool a whole state fair worth of humans,
Speaker:even their judges.
Speaker:He was still proud of that.
Speaker:But he hadn’t wanted to have the bags out with him on the porch.
Speaker:That felt risky, like tempting the world to send someone,
Speaker:some unearthly B. of E.P.M. agent,
Speaker:to ask where he thought he was going?
Speaker:What pack did he think would take him?
Speaker:He'd have to admit
Speaker:he didn’t know. So when he’d heard the engines coming down the highway, he had to scramble upstairs.
Speaker:He grabbed the duffel bag and backpack from the bedroom:
Speaker:his for over nineteen years, but which he’d only ever enter again
Speaker:as a guest. By the time he got back down,
Speaker:there were four motorcycles on the driveway.
Speaker:There was the smell of gasoline, road leathers, dust,
Speaker:and wolf. And there were werewolves,
Speaker:who had all at some point been introduced to him as some variety of ‘uncle,’
Speaker:standing on the porch
Speaker:or under the twisted locust tree.
Speaker:Ready to take him away.
Speaker:“Well,” Mom hugged Uncle Harve,
Speaker:“I guess it’s past the point where it matters if I like it or not.”
Speaker:“A wolf’s gotta disperse, Julie.”
Speaker:Dad squeezed her shoulder,
Speaker:before taking his turn to hug Uncle Harve
Speaker:himself. “I guess we saw this coming long enough ago.”
Speaker:“I guess we did,” she surrendered.
Speaker:Uncle Harve turned and met his eyes through the screen door.
Speaker:“Hey Paul,” he said,
Speaker:“Hope you’re more excited about this trip than your folks.” “Sure am,” Paul fought to keep the grin from taking over his face,
Speaker:and for that matter to keep his face from slipping into a muzzle, fangs, and fur.
Speaker:“We can go right now if you want!”
Speaker:That wasn’t happening, of course.
Speaker:Mom had to fuss over him.
Speaker:Dad had to stand looking off at a forty five degree angle and tell him to be careful out there.
Speaker:After that there were all the things to arrange about the bikes.
Speaker:“You riding with me, Pup?”
Speaker:Dan said. “Uh,” Paul wasn’t sure how he felt about that nickname.
Speaker:“I guess I assumed there’d be a… spare bike.”
Speaker:Martin choked back a guffaw just in time.
Speaker:Paul felt his ears burn. “Well,
Speaker:it takes a while to learn to ride one of these, and the only spare bike the pack even owns is
Speaker:Miles’s old one,
Speaker:and that’s up on blocks in the garage back in Michigan.”
Speaker:Dan rubbed the back of his neck and looked anywhere but at Paul. “Don’t worry, Pup. It ain’t hard to stay aboard,
Speaker:I put on the sissy bar for the tail seat and everything.”
Speaker:“The what bar?!” Paul barked.
Speaker:“You know if you’re having second thoughts, honey, you don’t gotta go,”
Speaker:at the merest hint of wavering purpose,
Speaker:Mom was leaning halfway over the porch railing.
Speaker:“I mean I guess it is a little insulting,”
Speaker:Dan muttered. “We can get you a bus ticket up north,”
Speaker:Mom said over him.
Speaker:“I mean that’s just what it’s called.” “There’s nothing wrong with waiting, hun!”
Speaker:“It’s fine, Mom, really!”
Speaker:Paul yelped, a little too loudly,
Speaker:and the whole world fell into the awkward silence that was left when other voices were cut off.
Speaker:“Guess it really is time, huh?”
Speaker:she finally said.
Speaker:“Happens to us all someday, Julie,”
Speaker:said Uncle Miles,
Speaker:which was the first Paul had heard him speak up.
Speaker:“Suppose it does,” she wrung her hands.
Speaker:“Well, you all at least got time for a little lunch before you go.”
Speaker:Paul opened his mouth,
Speaker:but he saw the way Uncle Martin’s face brightened,
Speaker:and the look Uncle Miles shot him,
Speaker:and so didn’t object.
Speaker:Thus did Julie, one last time,
Speaker:get to take care of her son,
Speaker:under the guise of hospitality that demanded nobody go on their way without a few helpings of twice-baked potatoes,
Speaker:noodles and meatballs in white sauce,
Speaker:and toffee bars. Miles and Dan sat very close.
Speaker:At one point Miles brushed buttery crumbs from the corner of Dan's mouth,
Speaker:licked them off his own thumb.
Speaker:Paul averted his eyes from what felt like a prophetic vision…
Speaker:assuming, that is, he chose to join his uncles' pack.
Speaker:Assuming they let him.
Speaker:Assuming this was a thing packs did.
Speaker:Assuming Paul could imagine himself in Dan's place.
Speaker:Or Miles's. More answers he didn’t have.
Speaker:“Now, you’re gonna want to keep an eye on the weather,”
Speaker:Dad had less direct options, for his last chance to be a parent,
Speaker:“and stick close to Miles and Dan.
Speaker:Martin too, I guess.
Speaker:Don’t go off alone or nothin.
Speaker:Don’t say nothing to a B. of E.P.M. agent,
Speaker:ever, less you got a lawyer in the room with you.
Speaker:A non-human one at that.
Speaker:You got the number for that vampire firm in Salt Lake in your emergency list. And, well,
Speaker:be careful, you know?”
Speaker:“It’s alright, Pete,”
Speaker:Uncle Harve clapped the concerned rancher on the shoulder,
Speaker:“they got it covered.
Speaker:So,” his face looked much less sure of that as he turned to Miles.
Speaker:“You got a route?” “Sure do,”
Speaker:Uncle Miles nodded.
Speaker:He somehow seemed larger, in general,
Speaker:than Paul’s memory said he should be.
Speaker:“Head west till we hit US 138, that’ll take us most of the way.
Speaker:By the time we gotta leave it to miss Denver, it’ll be time to strike out for the mountains anyway.”
Speaker:“Sounds good,” Harve nodded.
Speaker:Paul paused, backpack lowered into the hard trailer behind Martin’s bike
Speaker:but his hands still on the straps, listening to something probably not meant for him.
Speaker:“You find anything…
Speaker:fishy about this whole thing,
Speaker:you grab eachother, especially the pup!
Speaker:And get out, ok?”
Speaker:“It’ll be fine, Harve,”
Speaker:Miles pulled Harve into an embrace.
Speaker:The older wolf laid his head on Miles’s shoulder.
Speaker:“If this is what it says it is, then it might be the best thing to happen to American wolves since the Endangered Species Act.”
Speaker:“And if it’s not?” Harve’s concerns
Speaker:were muffled into the leather of Miles’s jacket.
Speaker:“Then it’s more’n likely just an overpriced camp, and most wolves’ll cuss at them and turn around for home again.
Speaker:We’ll be right there with them.”
Speaker:Miles met Paul’s eyes,
Speaker:and the younger wolf looked away hastily.
Speaker:His parents walked out to the gate with them.
Speaker:Miles took the lead.
Speaker:Paul clung to Dan from behind, hopeful that wherever his hands had landed was ok, because now he was actually on the bike
Speaker:he was much more aware of how small the footrests were
Speaker:and how narrow the seat was, insultingly-named backrest notwithstanding. Martin grinned
Speaker:“take care, old man!”
Speaker:at Harve before he revved his engine so that no response could be heard.
Speaker:The threshold of time between ‘ready to go’ and ‘going’ rolled closer,
Speaker:agonizingly slow,
Speaker:until suddenly it was past and they were gone.
Speaker:Paul couldn’t resist looking back.
Speaker:The acres of pasture where he’d roamed for years looked suddenly very small,
Speaker:now they were his no longer.
Speaker:Among them vanished the only pack he’d ever had.
Speaker:So far. They waved,
Speaker:and refused to shed tears,
Speaker:until he was out of sight.
Speaker:“So, what’s this thing we’re heading for?”
Speaker:Paul finally got a chance to ask when they stopped for gas in Julesburg,
Speaker:just over the Colorado border.
Speaker:“Well pup,” Miles had insisted Paul drop the ‘uncle,’
Speaker:“you hear any rumors going around about something called a ‘Great Pack?’”
Speaker:He hadn’t. Their hard edged shadows on the whitewashed cinderblock wall were not yet taller than Paul and Miles,
Speaker:but they would be soon.
Speaker:The hour lingered on the border between afternoon
Speaker:and a midsummer evening that would start late and stay long.
Speaker:The light was used to being the color of honey, it hadn’t yet noticed the touches of crimson
Speaker:seeping into it like the first silver hairs mixed among a dark pelt.
Speaker:The only sounds were the drone of the highway across the concrete drainage ditch,
Speaker:the chanters of the grasshoppers, the staccato
Speaker:beat of a sprinkler oscillating,
Speaker:and the faint polyphony of large windchimes somewhere.
Speaker:Behind the gas station,
Speaker:across an expanse of struggling lawn, relaxed a line of houses,
Speaker:yellow paint wind-blasted to beige, south facing windows covered with aluminum foil,
Speaker:with only the occasional battered miniature wooden windmill beside the kitchen door,
Speaker:or string of long-dead christmas lights dangling from the corner of the porch for finery,
Speaker:all content to relax in unashamed lower-class leisure
Speaker:and stare imperiously at any travelers
Speaker:who dared step around the side of the gas station to devour a cigarette,
Speaker:buy a bag of ice,
Speaker:or talk about werewolf matters.
Speaker:Beyond those was nothing but acres of cornfield.
Speaker:“Last fall,” Miles chewed his lower lip a moment before starting his answer,
Speaker:“rumors started there was something going down.
Speaker:At first we heard it was just one pack in Arizona, then it was a couple packs getting together, then it was this meeting between packs.
Speaker:The location kept changing, too,
Speaker:I guess as the headcount kept growing and they needed to find bigger and bigger places.”
Speaker:“So there is,” Paul felt his ears try to turn into something that could prick up hopefully,
Speaker:“a big enough place now?”
Speaker:Miles shrugged. “Suppose we’ll find out.
Speaker:Rumor is some wolf who owns a
Speaker:wilderness preserve or something
Speaker:volunteered to host the whole thing.
Speaker:By now they’ll’ve invited every werewolf in the whole country, if they can make it,
Speaker:which I don’t even know how many that is.”
Speaker:“Ok but,” Paul hesitated,
Speaker:“why do you sound like you think that’s a bad thing?”
Speaker:“Let’s just say,” Miles sighed, the way you sigh when you realize you have to fix a handbrake that you’ve already fixed five times this trip, “that
Speaker:one of my jobs in the pack is trusting the Bureau of Extrahuman Populace Management the least.
Speaker:And if I were an agent, and I wanted to pull something on all the werewolves in the country,
Speaker:then the first thing I’d do is make up some reason
Speaker:to get us all in one place.”
Speaker:Paul’s body tried to flinch away in every direction at once.
Speaker:“You don’t think-” “I don’t,
Speaker:actually.” Miles held up a reassuring hand.
Speaker:“Harve did, but he’s gotten a bit suspicious in his old age.
Speaker:More likely it’s somebody who listened to that nutcase, couple years back.”
Speaker:He didn’t explain who ‘that nutcase’ was.
Speaker:“All it’d take is running into another wolf who listened, and then
Speaker:it just snowballs.”
Speaker:Paul didn’t really feel like he understood where they were heading any better than before he’d asked.
Speaker:But then, he asked himself, did he have to?
Speaker:The smell of the world open in every direction around him,
Speaker:of being a wolf in his own right, being free,
Speaker:grew stronger each breath he took.
Speaker:The highway was roaring, the wind was blowing,
Speaker:the shadows around him were lengthening and he imagined them expanding into night,
Speaker:with a rising moon, and then he could shift and run with his-
Speaker:With… this pack. Into the night and be free.
Speaker:And if Paul wasn’t there yet, he was on the journey there,
Speaker:assuming this Great Pack thing was what it sounded like Miles didn’t fully trust it to be.
Speaker:That was just as exciting. “What the
Speaker:hell’s taking them so long?”
Speaker:Miles looked sharply around the corner of the building.
Speaker:“I swear, if they’re blowin’ eachother in a shower stall…”
Speaker:Miles retrieved Martin and Dan from within the truck stop.
Speaker:They both looked like they’d gotten away with something.
Speaker:They came from every corner of the land, though most of them,
Speaker:had they been asked,
Speaker:would have been surprised that any but their own pack was making this journey.
Speaker:If you howl loud enough,
Speaker:clear enough, the wolves will come.
Speaker:It’s just instinct.
Speaker:Shaggy and thick-pelted they came, from the guilty seaside cliffs,
Speaker:calm and slow of speech,
Speaker:the smell of cold fog in their undercoats and the bitter memory of puritan trials in their hearts.
Speaker:Sleek and raucous from the bayous and salt swamps they came,
Speaker:sunglasses and swimsuits over short fur,
Speaker:ready to live joyously as do the beasts that perish only
Speaker:before wolfsbane or silver bullet.
Speaker:In desert-worn buses they came,
Speaker:chartered with pooled money,
Speaker:from the pitiless concrete cities whose foundations are sand and stolen water,
Speaker:bearing sun bleached pelts and strong opinions on which film depiction of werewolves was most ridiculous.
Speaker:From the cathedralic forests of the rain-gentled northwest they came,
Speaker:in lumberjack-striped hooded sweatshirts and mud-baptized hiking boots,
Speaker:feasting on thermoses of coffee and the occasional invasive species,
Speaker:for they believed in ecology,
Speaker:in direct action, and in introducing predators to restore the natural balance of an environment.
Speaker:Through the jagged deserts they came,
Speaker:lonely hitchhikers in beat-up hats and bannerlike ponchos
Speaker:big enough to conceal the unexpected ear or tail,
Speaker:many in coyote-like defiance of the shambles of wall human governments presumed sufficient to keep them out,
Speaker:smelling their way by night through yucca, tumbleweed, and ghost town to
Speaker:spare their eyes from the vehemence of the sun,
Speaker:or emerging like ghosts themselves from the shimmer of heat mirage,
Speaker:from time to time taking silent acceptance of a few miles ride in the rusted bed of a passing pickup,
Speaker:but only a few, unless scent and instinct
Speaker:recognized wolf in the driver,
Speaker:then would they slowly band together in growing packs of convenience,
Speaker:like rivers gathering the barest trickles as tributaries,
Speaker:backwards through the canyonlands.
Speaker:From the mild-mannered north they came,
Speaker:from towns left abandoned by failed gold rushes or the search for the northwest passage,
Speaker:in sensible vans and comfortable RVs,
Speaker:endearing accents in their taciturn growls at any mention of oil pipelines,
Speaker:carabiner and coil of parachute cord at the ready
Speaker:to hang clothes and belongings from a handy tree,
Speaker:bobsled teams and loup-garou
Speaker:and the specific silence of a night’s heavy snowfall each a part of their heritage, confident that no matter how long they stayed in the arrogant south, their own country would be too polite
Speaker:to do anything but welcome them back with a nod.
Speaker:From the thunder country they came,
Speaker:from abandoned factory and condemned grain elevator,
Speaker:with windblown fur and the leavings of the dust bowl behind their ears,
Speaker:in station wagons that should have been allowed to die with dignity decades ago and rust to pieces in someone’s front yard,
Speaker:windows rolled open to rest heads on the sill,
Speaker:stick faces into the wind,
Speaker:and howling, when they howled, like tornado sirens.
Speaker:From the reservations they came,
Speaker:as cynical as ever, as optimistic as ever,
Speaker:driving beat up jeeps through lands their ancestors had traveled freely whether on foot or on paw,
Speaker:some bearing petitions complaining of B. of E.P.M. agents and casual violations of tribal sovereignty,
Speaker:some bearing stories,
Speaker:built of oral tradition and wishful thinking, about which pre-colonizer nations
Speaker:would have accepted werewolves, would have had a place for them
Speaker:in their societies,
Speaker:but all bearing in mind that a settler
Speaker:cannot cease to be a settler
Speaker:by becoming a wolf.
Speaker:From the sunset-kissed coast they came, in second-hand school busses
Speaker:painted with phases of the moon in phosphorescent acrylics,
Speaker:some with nursing pups in arms,
Speaker:some with guitars over their backs, some who disdained clothing even in human form,
Speaker:but all with flowers in their fur, and intoxicated on the hope
Speaker:that all the packs might come together,
Speaker:and hold all that they had in common with one another.
Speaker:From the glacier-crowned, purple-majestic peaks they came,
Speaker:grim and taciturn,
Speaker:loners, dwellers in cabins that had never tasted electricity,
Speaker:who stalked their daily meals on grounds nigh-parallel to the stunted trees
Speaker:in forms, and sizes,
Speaker:that even a grizzly would shy from,
Speaker:only resuming human disguise to descend on the nearest town and collect the next month’s bottle of whiskey,
Speaker:and if their route there was not so long as the crow flies,
Speaker:none would dare say that
Speaker:it was easy. And among them all came Paul,
Speaker:clinging to the back of the wolf he hoped to stop calling uncle and begin calling brother,
Speaker:but who still called him pup.
Speaker:Dreams of a pack where he could belong,
Speaker:as his true self,
Speaker:and never need put on his human mask again,
Speaker:beckoned him all the way like a rainbow
Speaker:over the horizon.
Speaker:“I dunno,” Martin tried to block the setting sun with a paw in the air.
Speaker:The house they were both trying to look at was almost exactly beneath it,
Speaker:“I’d guess that’s the wolf they’re talking about, the host.
Speaker:Guy who owns this whole place.”
Speaker:Martin gave up squinting as futile and turned away.
Speaker:“Looks like the kinda basic cabin these wilderness loner types usually like.”
Speaker:“Should we,” Paul set down the bag he’d been handed, from the trailer Dan and Miles were unpacking,
Speaker:“go say thank you or something?”
Speaker:“Hell no,” Martin snorted.
Speaker:“With how many wolves are here, if we all started trying to do that?
Speaker:He’d run howling, and only right to. Naw, I’d bet he’s gonna just
Speaker:mingle and not tell nobody this’s his place. I wouldn’t.”
Speaker:“Why,” Miles emerged, growling,
Speaker:“is the tent packed furthest back in the trailer?”
Speaker:“Ryan packed it,” Dan shrugged,
Speaker:“Chew him out when we get back.”
Speaker:The change in the road had been abrupt,
Speaker:at the border between plains and mountain range.
Speaker:From straight and cardinal to winding and wild,
Speaker:as stark a difference as human and wolf.
Speaker:To Paul, who had lived his whole life used to a world of precisely fifty percent sky
Speaker:and fifty percent ground, with a level
Speaker:and undisputed border between them,
Speaker:the mountains around which the bikes wove their way had seemed to hover overhead,
Speaker:in a way where the size of them was a palpable thing.
Speaker:They smelled dry,
Speaker:and rusty, and of whatever morning condensations found all the shaded hollows where the sunlight didn’t reach.
Speaker:By the time the road had wound them past a place whose signs insisted was a town called ‘Rustic,’
Speaker:—though Paul saw only a single building, undeniably a rustic one
Speaker:—it became unmistakable
Speaker:that the other cars on the road
Speaker:weren’t just other cars.
Speaker:They were fellow travelers.
Speaker:It was partly the way they watched eachother,
Speaker:watched the motorcycles,
Speaker:without looking at them,
Speaker:as if their instincts were comfortable running at top speed in the close proximity of a pack.
Speaker:It was partly the scent,
Speaker:uniquely unmistakable even under gasoline and road dust,
Speaker:of wolf. But mostly
Speaker:it was that the fierce, hungry,
Speaker:longing somewhere in each expression
Speaker:wasn’t fully human.
Speaker:It was like looking in a mirror you were passing at 60 miles per hour.
Speaker:Finally in a valley that curved gently up around all of them, like the bottom of a broken terracotta bowl,
Speaker:empty spaces ready to be filled with campgrounds and first aid tents
Speaker:and show pavilions
Speaker:and food trucks spread out below as if all the state fairs in the nation had been mustered together into an army encampment,
Speaker:the masks came off.
Speaker:In pickup, in van, in convertible, in bus, echoed joyous howls as each crossed some instinctive threshold
Speaker:and knew it to be safe to shift.
Speaker:Paul, Dan, and Martin all glanced back, hopefully, at Miles, expecting gruff disapproval, but Miles was already shifted himself, under his jacket, and grinning like an excited puppy.
Speaker:And what more permission could anyone ask for?
Speaker:They arrived at the Great Pack as wolves.
Speaker:For that moment, at least, it had been
Speaker:everything Paul had dreamed of.
Speaker:But now he was holding aluminum pegs for Miles as he set up the tent
Speaker:—large enough for a pack of eight, Martin had said
Speaker:—he felt doubt stalking him.
Speaker:It was no secret that the three wolves with him shared, well,
Speaker:a bond. He’d known them all as ‘uncles’ because,
Speaker:well… their whole pack of eight only needed the one tent, so to speak.
Speaker:And how was he, a virgin too nervous to say it more plainly than
Speaker:“shared a bond”
Speaker:and “only needed one tent”
Speaker:even inside his own head
Speaker:supposed to find a way to fit into something like that?
Speaker:But he had to try, didn’t he?
Speaker:“Uh, what are the plans for..
Speaker:tonight?” he held out the next pegs to Miles.
Speaker:“Well,” Miles was too focused on fitting the peg through the canvas loop to look up,
Speaker:“Actual events don’t start till tomorrow. Probably a good idea to walk around a bit, get the lay of the land.”
Speaker:He cursed at the rocky ground.
Speaker:“If I can ever get this fucking tent up, that is!”
Speaker:“I mean like… what are you guys… intending to
Speaker:do?” “Uh,” said Martin, “I’m gonna heat up stew and make dutch oven biscuits, once the fire’s ready?”
Speaker:“I can’t believe,” Dan held the tentpoles up while Miles continued cursing at them,
Speaker:“you lugged that heavy hunk of cast iron all the way out here.”
Speaker:“You can’t go camping without dutch oven biscuits!” Martin insisted,
Speaker:“and I’m the one who was pulling the trailer, so I can bring what I want in it!”
Speaker:“No, I mean like… later
Speaker:tonight.” Paul prayed he wasn’t blushing.
Speaker:“I guess we usually turn in around midnight?”
Speaker:Dan blinked in confusion, then his face lit up,
Speaker:“Oh! Right, it’s your first time off the ranch, really!
Speaker:You wanna explore!
Speaker:Yeah, no problem, we can check out whatever you wanna see!”
Speaker:“You think,” Martin wondered, “that they’re gonna set up rides?”
Speaker:“For cubs, maybe.” Miles finally convinced the flexible fiberglass poles and polyester loops to cooperate
Speaker:and the pile of crumpled canvas assumed the shape of a tent.
Speaker:After which they were all too busy
Speaker:laying out sleeping bags and getting everything inside arranged,
Speaker:so Paul had to accept his plate of stew and biscuits—and he would have to admit to Martin they were delicious
Speaker:—still ignorant of whether they were going to spend the night in eachother’s arms,
Speaker:whether he’d be expected to join,
Speaker:whether he’d be welcome to join,
Speaker:or whether he wanted to join.
Speaker:There were, it turned out,
Speaker:no rides, even for cubs.
Speaker:But there were strings of christmas lights:
Speaker:over the tables, inside the booths, strung above the pathways,
Speaker:mostly white, but with the rare eccentric blue, green, or magenta among them,
Speaker:witness to a fateful day
Speaker:when there’d been no other replacement bulbs.
Speaker:There were survival kits packed on the assumption you could sleep anywhere
Speaker:and find your way by smell
Speaker:but might need antidotes to chocolate or onions,
Speaker:tools sized for either a hand or a paw,
Speaker:hand-sewn clothes with plenty of elastic to shift in them.
Speaker:There were snacks, most of them dehydrated meat ranging from jerky
Speaker:to freeze-dried beef liver.
Speaker:There were activists talking about inter-pack mutual aid, with corkboard maps on which colored yarn connected pushpins in pack addresses,
Speaker:some of which Paul recognized from his mother’s lists.
Speaker:There was a non-profit extrahuman legal defense organization
Speaker:with pamphlets and phone numbers of sympathetic lawyers local to various states.
Speaker:There were carnival games,
Speaker:supposedly with all the rigging mechanisms turned off,
Speaker:though Dan said he didn’t believe it.
Speaker:There were fortune tellers,
Speaker:promising to read all sorts of things in the downy pink inside of a pointed ear,
Speaker:in the timbre of a howl,
Speaker:in the smell of the scruff of your neck:
Speaker:from romance to prosperity to how the next full moon was going to hit you.
Speaker:And it would've been a lie if Paul had said he wasn’t tempted,
Speaker:because what if they could tell him where to look for whatever would be his place in whatever would be his pack?
Speaker:But then, if that was how he found it,
Speaker:wouldn’t he spend his life wondering if he’d really found the right place?
Speaker:There was a demonstration of soothing oatmeal shampoo for those unfortunate enough to still have an allergy to animal dander,
Speaker:even after shifting,
Speaker:and pamphlets advocating health research
Speaker:for werewolves, by werewolves,
Speaker:or warning that Just Because You’re Immune To Rabies Doesn’t Mean You’re Disease Proof.
Speaker:Across from that was a large banner that read
Speaker:‘Solidarity Now!’ over testimonials on posterboard that said things like
Speaker:“Fracking destroys our homes just as much as yours,” from Ufthak McBolg
Speaker:of the Hopkinsville Delegation of Goblins.
Speaker:Or “Tailypo was Right”
Speaker:from Tanassi, Southern Band of Water Panthers.
Speaker:Or a long, rambling, pointless anecdote, claiming to own the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair,
Speaker:arguing it could be a haven for ‘shapeshifters of all kinds,’
Speaker:that was only signed with a raccoon's pawprint.
Speaker:There was every type of craft,
Speaker:as if a dog show and a farmer’s market had made an ill-advised but passionate marriage.
Speaker:There was handmade jewelry, all of it guaranteed 100% silver-free.
Speaker:There was a fur stylist armed with electric clippers,
Speaker:shaving rebellious patterns into shoulders or chests that couldn’t, practically speaking, be tattooed.
Speaker:There was a blacksmith,
Speaker:tiny anvil, portable forge hooked up to a propane tank,
Speaker:thick protective apron over his fur,
Speaker:who didn’t seem to be selling or doing anything that had anything to do with being a werewolf. But he was one,
Speaker:so nobody seemed to think that was a problem.
Speaker:There were scented candles,
Speaker:in a variety of scents like:
Speaker:excited crowd, abandoned house,
Speaker:concealed squirrel,
Speaker:and a whole rack of regional variants of petrichor.
Speaker:“Mom had a ton of these.
Speaker:Dad used to order them from somewhere for her birthday,”
Speaker:Paul mused. “I never really saw the point.”
Speaker:“Well, you were born like this, yeah?”
Speaker:Dan put down the Petrichor: Ozarks candle
Speaker:of which he’d taken an experimental sniff.
Speaker:“You grew up with the wolf in you.”
Speaker:“What does that have to do with mom’s weird candles?”
Speaker:“Ohhh, didn’t anybody-”
Speaker:Martin began. “You don’t know?”
Speaker:Dan interrupted excitedly. “Pup,
Speaker:you’ve got no idea how much my mind was blown, when I first got turned,
Speaker:and suddenly I could smell this kinda stuff.
Speaker:Before I wouldn’ta picked up anything
Speaker:but hot wax!” Paul tilted his head.
Speaker:“What?” “Humans can’t smell any of these things, pup.”
Speaker:Martin explained.
Speaker:“Wait, humans can’t smell,”
Speaker:Paul looked down, baffled, at the candle in his hand,
Speaker:“an excited crowd?
Speaker:How… do they tell if a crowd’s excited, then?”
Speaker:There were wolves standing up very straight,
Speaker:ears perked, tails wagging,
Speaker:all wearing collars and tags with their names.
Speaker:One of them looked excited when Paul made eye contact,
Speaker:but Miles made a pained noise and abruptly stalked in the opposite direction.
Speaker:“We didn’t ride all this way to get preached at,”
Speaker:Martin sounded less annoyed than Miles,
Speaker:but equally embarrassed.
Speaker:Which was apparently all the explanation Paul was going to get for now.
Speaker:But that didn’t matter,
Speaker:because there were so,
Speaker:so many food trucks.
Speaker:According to Dan it was a very common job for werewolves—it let you move around, let you set up anywhere,
Speaker:let you make a living without a neighborhoodful of humans trying to get to know you.
Speaker:Paul had more different kinds of tacos that night
Speaker:than he’d had all the rest of his life.
Speaker:There were beer tents.
Speaker:Milles initially wouldn’t let them get one for Paul, but Dan and Martin guilted him into it.
Speaker:The wolf manning the keg
Speaker:didn’t ask how old he was.
Speaker:“You’re shifted, man,”
Speaker:he grinned, “that’s all I need to see.”
Speaker:It was almost enough to distract Paul entirely from his worries,
Speaker:but almost enough was in some ways worse than not at all.
Speaker:It made the thing he was worried he’d never get
Speaker:seem all the more precious.
Speaker:“You feeling all right, pup?”
Speaker:Dan’s paw landed on his shoulder.
Speaker:“Was that beer a bad idea?”
Speaker:“Oh! Uh, I’m fine,” Paul wasn’t.
Speaker:“Just… a lot on my mind.”
Speaker:“Like what?” Dan took a place beside him
Speaker:on the hay bales that had been hauled up to serve as benches.
Speaker:Miles and Martin were out of earshot,
Speaker:doggedly pursuing and with increasing frustration some trinket
Speaker:at one of the carnival games
Speaker:that wasn’t supposed to be rigged.
Speaker:“I’m worried about
Speaker:finding a place, you know?”
Speaker:Paul confessed. “Like… I’ve wanted,
Speaker:all my life, to go out and find a pack where I could live like a wolf, right?
Speaker:I guess I thought it’d be, like,
Speaker:automatic once I left home.
Speaker:And then I thought it’d be automatic once I got here.
Speaker:But now I’m here and it hasn’t happened and I don’t know what to look for
Speaker:and I can’t think of any more things to come where I can believe it’ll be automatic when they happen!”
Speaker:“Ok, calm down,” Dan patted his ears,
Speaker:which did help. “Julie gave you that list of addresses, right?
Speaker:You could try them.”
Speaker:“That just tells me where they are.
Speaker:What if I go all the way, only to find there’s no place for me?”
Speaker:“If all else fails,”
Speaker:Dan assured him, “our pack is
Speaker:always gonna have a place for you.”
Speaker:“I…” Oh good, the other question he’d been trying to avoid thinking about,
Speaker:“I dunno. Aren’t you all…
Speaker:you know?” “Aren’t we
Speaker:all?” “Don’t you all… uh…”
Speaker:Dan was getting more confused by the second.
Speaker:“You’re all… together, right?” “...
Speaker:“...that’s what a pack is…?”
Speaker:“I mean you’re all
Speaker:gay! You all have sex!”
Speaker:Paul was immediately terrified he’d just shouted that,
Speaker:but it turned out it had been a whisper.
Speaker:“Is that,” Dan said very carefully,
Speaker:“a problem for you?”
Speaker:“What? No! No, no not like that, I just…”
Speaker:Paul pulled his knees up to his chest.
Speaker:“I don’t… know if I am.
Speaker:If I could do that.
Speaker:If I want to. And I don’t
Speaker:like the idea of trying to be part of a pack if I can’t…
Speaker:be part of the way that pack is a pack.
Speaker:If you know what I mean.”
Speaker:“Ok,” Dan said, “you realize, that’s not usually something you care about for joining a pack?
Speaker:When I got turned,
Speaker:I was just grateful I’d finally have a roof over my head and know where my next meal was coming from.”
Speaker:“I know, I know, I should be grateful to just-”
Speaker:“That’s not what I mean!”
Speaker:Dan barked, “I mean…
Speaker:Ok. You remember Ted?”
Speaker:“Uncle Theodore?” Paul cast his mind back to puppyhood, to an avuncular, grizzled-grey werewolf who had
Speaker:showed up to christmas morning even after a blizzard
Speaker:had snowed the ranch in completely.
Speaker:“Yeah.” “Well, in case you never knew, he wasn’t just leader,
Speaker:he was the heart of the pack.
Speaker:And he said what mattered
Speaker:was that we were a pack, not that, or if,
Speaker:we slept with eachother, or with him.
Speaker:Even though, you know,
Speaker:we did. Or… do. I’d say it wasn’t that we were all gay, it was that we were all in love with him.
Speaker:so being with eachother was kinda another way of being with him.
Speaker:I’d bet he encouraged it cause he suspected he had
Speaker:heart problems, and wanted us to have eachother when he…
Speaker:when we didn’t have him, anymore.”
Speaker:“So how can I be part of that, if he’s gone?”
Speaker:Paul snapped. Dan proved unable to find an answer.
Speaker:“I’m not afraid that I’ll
Speaker:try it and like it.”
Speaker:The hope that finally voicing the subject would make it disappear flickered and went out.
Speaker:“I’m not afraid of being able to
Speaker:do it. There was a part of me that was
Speaker:kinda hoping that tonight, in the tent, it would just…” “...
Speaker:“...happen automatically?”
Speaker:“...yeah. What scares me is having to decide. Cause then
Speaker:whatever happens’ll be my responsibility. If I try it and don’t like it,
Speaker:can’t do it, what then?
Speaker:How can I leave? How can I
Speaker:do that to all of you?”
Speaker:“Your dad used to be part of the pack, even before I was, and he left… oh,
Speaker:that’s part of the problem, huh?”
Speaker:Paul thought about the rare times,
Speaker:through a bedroom door left barely open,
Speaker:he’d overheard his father struggle through tears to talk to his mother
Speaker:about the packmates, the childhood friends,
Speaker:who he’d first turned with,
Speaker:he’d left behind. But he only nodded in reply.
Speaker:“Well,” Dan finally said,
Speaker:“we’re not the only option.
Speaker:You’ve seen what so far, your folks?
Speaker:And heard about us?
Speaker:That’s not a lot to base a decision on, pup.
Speaker:Werewolves live, hell,
Speaker:all sorts of ways.
Speaker:I bet you a bag of these freeze dried liver bites
Speaker:you just haven’t seen the right one for you, yet.”
Speaker:Paul perked incredulous ears.
Speaker:“They’re the nacho cheese ones.”
Speaker:“Alright, alright,”
Speaker:Paul let himself relax a little.
Speaker:“What do you want me to do?”
Speaker:“Just… find wolves to talk to,
Speaker:all over the great pack.
Speaker:Whoever you feel like.
Speaker:I’ll tell Miles tomorrow that you should have a chance to explore on your own,
Speaker:and I bet you by sunset you’ll know!”
Speaker:“Know what?” Miles said as he and Martin approached, trinketless.
Speaker:“Know that I’m beat!
Speaker:We’ve been driving all day and it’s past midnight!”
Speaker:Dan stretched a little too expressively,
Speaker:“C’mon, I got a sleeping bag waiting up for me.”
Speaker:Nobody, as far as Paul could tell,
Speaker:did anything in the tent that night but sleep.
Speaker:“So how do you qualify for this event, exactly?”
Speaker:The morning found Paul doing his best to be subtle about how excited he was.
Speaker:“First off, you have to be at least twenty one.
Speaker:Second, you have to have entered like a month ago.”
Speaker:Dan said as he caught the clothes Martin tossed over his shoulder,
Speaker:“So you’re out of luck for now.”
Speaker:Apparently that hadn’t been subtle enough.
Speaker:The sun had only just risen.
Speaker:The closest thing to level ground had been kept clear and a long narrow strip
Speaker:had had ropes put up around it.
Speaker:At one end it went all the way to the forest and beyond the bounds of the Great Pack.
Speaker:At the other there was a horse trailer.
Speaker:“I’ve seen these before,”
Speaker:Miles explained, “Most packs aren’t big enough, or got enough money to do this, but if you are and you want something to do at a
Speaker:birthday party or summer barbecue,
Speaker:you get a deer. You line everyone up, you give the deer a five second head start,
Speaker:and then you chase it.”
Speaker:That just made Paul all the more disappointed
Speaker:he hadn’t had a chance to enter.
Speaker:Martin headed for the starting line, already filing with other wolves.
Speaker:Some in athletic shorts, some in underwear,
Speaker:but most, like Martin,
Speaker:in nothing but fur.
Speaker:“You’ve gotta both work together, like a hunting pack,”
Speaker:Dan folded up Martin’s clothes,
Speaker:“but also outrun everyone
Speaker:to be the one who grabs the flag.”
Speaker:“I thought it was a deer?”
Speaker:Paul asked. “The flag’s on the deer,”
Speaker:Miles huffed. “Attached on a collar like something out of P.E. class.” “Here we
Speaker:go,” Dan rolled his eyes.
Speaker:Whatever was about to happen, Dan was already tired of it.
Speaker:“It’s just silly, is all!”
Speaker:Miles grumbled. “The whole
Speaker:point of this is that
Speaker:it’s like a hunt,
Speaker:and that’s how they used to do it, as a hunt! It used to end with
Speaker:a big venison supper
Speaker:that everyone who chased it down shared! It was communal!
Speaker:This way, the only one who gets anything is the winner,
Speaker:and there shouldn’t be a ‘winner,’
Speaker:just the pack!” “But,”
Speaker:Dan retorted, “this way
Speaker:the deer doesn’t get killed.”
Speaker:“That shouldn’t matter,”
Speaker:Miles rallied. “It’s apparently fine for humans to kill animals when they go hunting!”
Speaker:“But if there’s any lycophobic shit-hearted crusade-fuckers looking for an excuse to call us monsters,
Speaker:they won’t get one here.”
Speaker:“They’d just make one up!”
Speaker:“Ssh, they’re starting!”
Speaker:A deer dashed by wearing a blue and yellow scarflike flag and a
Speaker:baffled, terrified expression,
Speaker:a crowd of wolves
Speaker:less than a second behind.
Speaker:They tore down the path toward the woods,
Speaker:where it became pretty impossible to see what was going on,
Speaker:but it wasn’t long before a big brown wolf in jogging pants loped back,
Speaker:grinning and howling,
Speaker:flag clutched aloft in her fist.
Speaker:The deer vanished into the woods
Speaker:after what must have been a profoundly life-changing experience.
Speaker:Martin trotted back to retrieve his clothes, looked a bit abashed.
Speaker:“Ah well. My old pack used to do these,
Speaker:didn’t get a chance to try.
Speaker:So at least I did it, now!”
Speaker:Paul handed them back
Speaker:and helped the defeated wolf get dressed. Dan and Miles, it seemed,
Speaker:were deep in conversation.
Speaker:But the next event was tug of war—both hands and teeth allowed
Speaker:—and Paul got to participate in that one.
Speaker:The four of them formed an impromptu team with three other wolves,
Speaker:whose names Paul was too excited to remember to ask.
Speaker:They didn’t take first place,
Speaker:but they won a cardboard flat of apple cider barbecue jerky strips,
Speaker:most of which went to the three teammates, since only a few bags could be carried back on the bikes.
Speaker:“Uh, excuse me,” a slim dark grey wolf approached the tent as they finished breakfast,
Speaker:head lowered, nose down.
Speaker:He had a green polo shirt tucked into the side of his belt,
Speaker:part of the word “STAF-”
Speaker:visible in yellow screen-printing.
Speaker:He wore a collar with a tag that read ‘Guillermez, A.’ “Are you Miles Gregory, of the Porcupine Mountains pack?”
Speaker:“Uh, no?” Paul blinked,
Speaker:“Uncle Miles is over there, sir.”
Speaker:“Is there a problem?”
Speaker:Miles stalked over from the bin of dishwater
Speaker:—there was only so much you could do with paper plates
Speaker:—and it was uncanny how intimidating he could look when he wanted to.
Speaker:“Oh, not like that, not at all,”
Speaker:the staff wolf said quickly,
Speaker:“actually we hoped you could help us with
Speaker:some intruders. You, uh,
Speaker:have experience? And you were the first name anyone thought of,
Speaker:for… this.” Miles's brows creased,
Speaker:till he seemed to realize something.
Speaker:“Oh for fuck’s sake…”
Speaker:“We can handle it, if you don’t-” “No no,
Speaker:I’ll come, better get it over with.”
Speaker:Miles sighed and pulled on his jacket.
Speaker:“Just hate that this turned into the thing everybody knows me for.”
Speaker:Something nudged Paul in the back.
Speaker:“Go tag along,” said Dan.
Speaker:“What?” "Well hang on,”
Speaker:Miles objected. "I don't want him getting under
Speaker:-" “He wants to know about what it’s really like?”
Speaker:Dan answered, to Miles,
Speaker:“then he’d best start
Speaker:with bureau agents.”
Speaker:Which was how Paul found himself tailing Miles and the staffwolf
Speaker:over towards the east hills,
Speaker:where the thickets of cane and sagebrush
Speaker:huddled under the shelter of the mountains.
Speaker:“I don’t understand what we’re doing.”
Speaker:"There’s been someone with binoculars up on the slopes,"
Speaker:Gulliermez A. explained.
Speaker:"Since we arrived to set up.
Speaker:I really wanted to give humanity
Speaker:the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker:cause they've got to come to the pack one day, right?
Speaker:But three days isn't a hiker or birdwatcher."
Speaker:"Which means?" Paul ventured.
Speaker:"B. of E.P.M. agents,
Speaker:running surveillance on us.
Speaker:us." Miles halted behind an outcrop, nodded at a thicket of withered blackberry thorns.
Speaker:"In there?" "Yeah." "And you've got your phone on you?"
Speaker:Paul had never owned a mobile phone, but Guillermez A. had a staff smartphone.
Speaker:"Ok," Miles pressed his own phone into Paul's paw.
Speaker:"I want both of you recording me the whole time, ok?"
Speaker:With that, the pack leader ducked around the bluff and made for the thicket at an easy walk,
Speaker:hands in his pockets.
Speaker:Luckily it was far enough away that Guillermez A. had time to show Paul which button to press.
Speaker:Miles reached the thicket without incident.
Speaker:He stood, arms akimbo,
Speaker:and waited a moment,
Speaker:then barked, "you're on camera,
Speaker:you're trespassing on private land,
Speaker:and your pretending I can't see you isn't doing much!"
Speaker:Two people, a man and a woman,
Speaker:emerged from the bramble by standing up.
Speaker:It looked like they were wearing kevlar turtlenecks,
Speaker:and one had a camera
Speaker:with an enormous zoom lens.
Speaker:They were too far for Paul to hear what they said, only Miles's response.
Speaker:"Like you were just now doing to all of us?
Speaker:Don't care. Bureau of Extra Human Bullshit policy isn't law,
Speaker:right to privacy is.
Speaker:This is a private gathering on private land,
Speaker:so you either show me a warrant
Speaker:or leave." They had another response Paul couldn’t catch.
Speaker:“I’d’ve thought you’d consider,
Speaker:agent,” Miles said,
Speaker:“that there’s over a thousand werewolves in this valley,
Speaker:before you start making threats-”
Speaker:There was a noise like a firecracker and a cork in a bottle at the same time.
Speaker:Something hit Miles in the chest,
Speaker:knocked him over.
Speaker:It bounced over his head and tumbled down the slope toward him and Guillermez A.
Speaker:Paul had just enough time to see a dull metal tube,
Speaker:the size of a toilet paper roll maybe,
Speaker:spewing clouds of white smoke,
Speaker:hear Miles’ rapid, snarling, enraged howls,
Speaker:see the two humans struggling to get clear of the brambles,
Speaker:before he collapsed.
Speaker:His eyes were stinging
Speaker:and he was coughing so hard
Speaker:it felt like he was going to throw up.
Speaker:Then he was being dragged clear.
Speaker:He couldn’t smell anything but he was sure two of the hands on him
Speaker:were Miles. This was the first of two parts of “There's a Place in the Great Pack For You”
Speaker:by Rob MacWolf, read by the author.
Speaker:Tune in next time for the questions Paul asks,
Speaker:the answers he’s given,
Speaker:and the conclusion he reaches.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Happy Pride, and Thank you for listening to The Voice of Dog.