Seek first to understand. It’s the core of emotional intelligence and being able to navigate your life without reacting and being out of control by the people and circumstances that surround us.

We have brought in expert Candice Johnson today to break down this important topic so we can understand what it is, why it is important, and how we can get better.

How do you respond when people come with bad news? How do you respond when the same person comes for conversation who always makes you mad? 

The answer to resolve this conflict is simpler than you think. The great news is you have complete control over it. Lean in and learn today from Candice.

Redeem Your Business Today by the Following:

How can we honor God in our business?

Stay on assignment. Don’t get stuck but be open to God’s leading even if He wants to change the direction your business is moving.

One challenge from today:

First seek to understand, then seek to be understood. Spend time understanding others and what makes them tick so you can truly be a blessing to them.

In this episode:

Be Neutral: As you learn to be neutral in your response it will create the space others need to grow and be better.

Biggest Mistake: Reacting. When you react to other people’s words or actions you are giving them the reigns to control your life.

Why do we react? We react because we have not healed, handled, or dealt with something internally. 

We react because of us; it’s not the other person.

Getting Better:

1. I wonder what would have me ___(react this way…)__?
2. Give curiosity the power not the trigger.

More About Candice Johnson

WEBSITE:  www.youtube.com/@candiceelisejohnson/streams. 

Instagram @candiceelisejohnson and @thegodcontroversy

More About David Schmidt

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Website redeemingbusinesstoday.com

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David:

[0:00] When hiring to fill a position, what kind of metrics do you use? Knowledge, skill, experience, getting along with others, teachable. Interpersonal dynamics can make or break a company. Soft skills, or how we get along with people, are critical to how we interact with others in the workplace. Soft skills today are commonly called emotional intelligence, or IE, quotient. And there's assessments you can take to measure your emotional intelligence. But today I brought on Candice Johnson. She has an Instagram ministry doing lots of different things, and she's going to help us understand emotional intelligence and how to better equip ourselves to handle these interpersonal dynamics in our business and really in all of our life. So Candice, welcome. And to start off, tell us a little bit about yourself and what makes you authority on this subject.

Candice:

David:

[1:26] Sure. Yeah. And probably like me, things change and morph and you start off down one road and then you continue learning and growing and change, don't you? So this is a Christian podcast and we'd like to inspire listeners to be salt and light in the world and to basically spur one another on to love and to good deeds. So quick question. What is one way that you have found you can honor God in your business?

Candice:

[1:53] Stay on assignment. We were just talking about that right before we go.

David:

[1:59] Yes, yes. Yes. What does that mean?

Candice:

[2:01] Stay on assignment. It means don't get stuck. And this is actually something that we use in transformational training and transformational tools is don't get stuck, meaning don't get stuck in your process. Don't get stuck on the, it has to look this way. Don't get stuck on being right about the thing. Don't get stuck because you never know when the Lord is going to say, okay, hokey pokey, we're on to the next thing.

David:

[2:31] Okay.

Candice:

[2:32] Stay on assignment.

David:

[2:34] That's good. When I think getting stuck, I'm thinking about I want to be perfect and I'm stopping until I get all the things perfect and in order and I stay in one spot too long.

Candice:

[2:45] One of my mentors, whenever I get like that, because we all get like that regardless of our personality styles, right? And if you're into emotional intelligence, You're looking at personality quadrants and personality styles, trainings, metrics, things like that. I had a mentor once and I hear this. This was four years ago when I was in a training and he said this to me in a private chat on Zoom, but I knew his personality and I knew it was coming through. And this is what he said. Actually, well, I'm going to leave you hanging for a minute. I think of this every time the perfectionism kicks in. every single time I get stuck, every time those things. This is what he said to me. Are you ready?

David:

[3:30] Yep.

Candice:

[3:31] Stop it. Stop. Stop. That's literally what he said in all capital letters. Stop it. And then he would follow it up if I didn't with get off it.

David:

[3:46] That's really good. So for our audience, which may or may not know define emotional intelligence what does that mean

Candice:

[3:54] Emotional intelligence to me it can be defined several different ways especially if you google it or wikipedia it or whatever but to me emotional intelligence means two things it means something in here and then something out there so emotional intelligence means how connected am i to my emotions such that I have done enough healing work so that I show up to myself in a way that's neutral, effective.

Candice:

[4:30] And moving the needle forward. And what that means to me also is it's not pushing through like, say, our parents' age would do. Pushing through, I just got through it or pushed through. That's not emotional intelligence. That's scarification, as we learn. Okay? Okay. All right? That becomes anger and calcification and cancer and inflammation. That's my nursing background showing up. Okay. Emotional intelligence within me, being aware of my emotions, healing, doing the work that it takes so I can show up neutral. And when I can't, developing the tools such that I can show up neutral so that I don't get angry, so that I don't show up powerless or give my power away. The second piece of emotional intelligence is out there because anything that we see outside of us is going to be processed through us, through our eyes, through our brain, through our ears, through our mouth, through our skin. Every organ pretty much is going to receive data on our behalf. So if I don't have the right tools to process that data that's out there, then what's out there is also going to react to my reaction.

Candice:

[5:54] And I don't know about you, but I would much prefer that action be neutral or positive versus negative. That's emotional intelligence to me.

David:

[6:04] Okay. So when you say neutral, that's neither being angry or happy or what? What does that mean?

Candice:

[6:12] It's neutral. Neutral means there is no energy on it. That's more of a woo-woo. That's not my favorite terminology of it. but neutrality is such that I have no charge on it. For example, when partner says, hey, we need to make this decision and we didn't make it yesterday. What's wrong with you?

Candice:

[6:41] Or what is going on that you didn't get the 50,000 text messages? Neutral is, hmm got it what i hear you saying is the decision needs to be made and i have not stepped into my leadership to make that happen in an effective way and it's now affecting you got it neutral i am receiving responsibility of how i showed up for someone being in reaction and in a panic, not blaming not associating a judgment to that person i'm just responsible got it regardless of if i feel responsible or not sure that's the thing with emotional intent regardless of whether i am responsible for it or not got it i understand how right now i'm responsible for that what needs to occur right now in order for this to be taken care of that's neutrality i'm not negative i'm not positive, I am simply right here.

David:

[7:47] Okay. That makes sense. I'm just, I guess I'm trying to figure out what's the negative of being positive or being positive. Does that affect things negatively?

Candice:

[8:00] It can, because if I come to a situation with, say, for example, when I was in management, clinical education director, yeah. So when I was in management with my nurses or my paraclinicians, my staff and they come in with a significant issue. And I'm like, it's okay. It's all going to work out fine. I've got the plan. Like I have everything taken care of. It's all going to work out great. Okay. We, we have that meeting today. It's all good. That can actually activate someone even further than a negative experience. Now the negative experience of that, if you will, or the lack of better words for negative is heavier. Heavier is like, you know what? Last time you came into this office, I couldn't get anything done. I told you three times that I was going to take care of that issue. I got it. I am the manager. I'm taking care of it. We have the meeting today.

David:

[9:06] Yes. No, I get it now.

Candice:

[9:08] You know what I mean? It's sometimes even that overly opportunistic is like, here's the main concept. And we talked about this before the show. First seek to understand, then seek to be understood. Because if not, then what that person is hearing is you can't hear me. I'm not being heard. I'm not being understood. So anything that comes out of my mouth is not heard or understood. Because I haven't heard that person yet.

David:

[9:45] Yep. Makes sense. I was just trying to picture that. But yes, if I come and I'm overly optimistic, like what you said, it can make you feel like, well, I got it. I'll take care of you. You're stupid for thinking that. Or the negative one is, why are you bothering me again? So yes, I'm understanding that now. Very, very good. So I understand the neutrality part. This should be obvious again, but leaders, why is that important for a leader to do that, to be more neutral when people come to them with a problem situation?

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