Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the importance of taking the time to get to know each other in relationships. They also highlight the need for sexual compatibility and the value of experiencing everyday life together. The conversation emphasizes the role of music in getting to know someone and the importance of discovering new things about each other. They stress the need for honesty, acceptance, and not judging each other in relationships. Finally, they discuss men's concerns about making a good impression and being understood by their partners. In this conversation, Tina and Robb discuss the importance of first impressions and trust in relationships. They emphasize the need for openness and honesty, as well as discussing future plans and goals. The conversation also touches on the significance of morality and compatibility, and the role of trust and jealousy in relationships. They highlight the importance of having standards and knowing what you want, as well as the value of learning and understanding each other. The conversation concludes with a discussion on handling uncomfortable situations, meeting families, and the importance of communication and appreciation in relationships.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm good Rob got a little bit of a sore throat from this weekend but other than that I'm doing alright.

Not too shabby, not too shabby for losing our week.

I thought you were gonna say how old I am now. I'm like shh, shh. Ha ha ha.

No, no, no. We don't talk. We don't talk that we're getting older. Yeah, no, no.

It's my birthday today, so I've been partying all weekend and I just got back from hanging out about 20 minutes ago. So yeah, it's definitely gonna be a week of partying and having fun.

Yeah, I was more just thinking like this whole we lost an hour thing. Suck. So, um, yeah, I'm dragging ass. I know I just read something today that there's somebody in Congress that wants to lock the clock. That's exactly what he said. He goes, let's never go backwards again. Let's just keep it like this.

There's that too.

Yeah, I did. I was reading that during daylight savings time when you either change it to be an hour ahead or an hour later, that people's, it affects their circuni, circunium rhythm if I'm saying it right. And there's an increase in heart attacks and strokes by about 20% during the time that this is going on, because it really does mess up people's schedules and the way their bodies work. So

It wouldn't be a bad thing if they did that.

Well, yeah, after that, now I don't want them to do anything ever again. I mean, yeah. Yeah. And and truly, I mean, I know I don't know the exact statistics, but, you know, I was in retail for a long time. And even back then in the 90s, they talked about how the law, the more daylight you have at the end of the day, the more people buy stuff. Because they like being out and about.

Right? Lock the clock. We don't need to worry about that shit.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

when it's light outside, safer, you know, they, yeah, sunny, they, they feel like they can walk around and, and do things. And like, if you're at an outdoor location, like there's a lot of really good outdoor malls. So you can walk around and you feel still refreshed and you don't get tired or you're, you don't think you're tired because it's day out. So.

sunny, beautiful.

Mm-hmm

Yeah, it was raining last week and I went to the movies and all I wanted to do was cuddle up and sleep And then we were wet inside the movie and it was a little chilly and I don't know I just should have brought something dry to wear but it really did make me want to just hibernate. So I Get it

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm sure a lot of those states where it rains like 85% of the year, I, that is horrible. I couldn't do it. I would be, I would be at wit's end if it rained that much. Even this season has been so, it's just been wet and like crazy. What day was that the other day where it just rained out of nowhere?

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't be good there.

Mm-hmm. Shitty. Wet.

That was a couple days ago. It was like Friday, Friday. No, it was Thursday. Yeah.

Yeah. Thursday. Yeah, like out of nowhere. I was like, I got home and it was pouring rain, like pouring. I was like, no.

Yeah. Well, I had to change salons because our salon closed again. So I had to find a new one and I was unpacking during all that when, when we had that huge freak storm and there was hail and there was so much thunder that I was like, what the hell is that rumbling? And then finally somebody said that's thunder. And I was like, wow, it had been so long since I even heard thunder like that. I thought it was like a truck going by or, you know,

Mm-hmm.

You live in the valley. That's what it's like. So there was thunder, lightning, hail, and then just tons and tons of rain. It really ruined the streets just going home. I mean, I was in the shop the whole time, but when I went home, everything was completely flooded and there were a lot of accidents on the road, a lot of like ambulance and fire trucks and things. So it did its damage in the time that it came around.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm kind of glad. I hope that it's over for the season, but, you know, April showers bring May flowers, so who knows?

Yeah, I gotta tell you, it looks like it's gonna rain again tonight.

It looks pretty gray behind my house as well. I'm just kinda checking the weather app, but it looks like we're okay. Matter of fact, by next Monday, Tuesday, it says 74.73, so we'll see. Um.

that would be nice because it would be nice to have some weather where I don't have to wear a sweatshirt the whole time.

Yeah, very much so. We were talking off the air and about what we were gonna talk about this week. And it kind of brought me around because I've talked to a bunch of people around me about how things are different in the courting stages of relationships now. And that people just don't really take time anymore to get to know each other.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

It's a very speedy relationship bond, I guess, and very much pushed to sex very quickly. But I also think people just don't take the time to actually get to understand people. Because we are so different on dates compared to

Right?

maybe a more relaxed day at a barbecue or whatever, where on a date you're like, oh, I gotta make sure I do this and I'm doing this and we're gonna go do this and blah, to where you might be hanging around somebody or at a barbecue and it's much more lax and more people the way they are. So,

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I think we're at a very bizarre time in dating because obviously we've talked about online dating so many times that it, you almost have to hurry up to get to somewhere that might be not a good thing, you know?

right? If you're having sex and you don't know the person, you're going to get a rude awakening at some point. It's best to slow your roll and get to know somebody if you want it to be anything special. I mean if you're just in it for sex then do you but...

Yeah, and I just think that's different though, because I think if you're telling each other that, I mean, more power to you. I think there's no worry about really knowing each other with the exception of making sure you don't have an STD. You know, look, is everyone on the up and up and we'll go from there. And I even think that is a big thing today.

Right.

Yeah.

Um, it's so easy to get a test, right? Um, I run a test every time I get blood work done just for shits and giggles. Cause it, cause it can't hurt. It just can't. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? You know, you, well, the worst that can happen is you have an STD. The, the least that can happen is you get the negative, negative. Like it was funny because I just got my blood work done. Um,

Mm-hmm.

Me too. Even when I was married I did. Right?

hahahaha

Yeah.

and I get them now. Years ago, I was going to start sleeping with somebody and she asked me to get blood work done. She's in the business of being working in a clinic. So she has seen it all and told me about it. It's utterly disgusting. I mean, the thing she's seen is

Oh god yes.

I never realized the extremities of some of these things. Like smell and dirtiness. I'm trying to be like really nice how I say this stuff. The leaking of fluids. So yeah, gnarly. She's told me some stuff.

Mmm.

Oh, that sounds so fun.

So I decided, hey, I'm gonna get this done. And now I've done it every year. But I think that's also an important part for some people. Like if you're sleeping with somebody and you're not getting checked beforehand, that's probably a bad sign for everybody. And for like the smallest stuff too, like chlamydia or gonorrhea that are easily fixed, right? With some kind of narcotic.

Mm-hmm.

No, it's um, with penicillin. It's with, it's with um, some sort of antibiotic. Yeah, we'll knock that shit right out.

Yes. It's with the good stuff. But, yeah, no, man. So, you know, people are pushing these relationships so fast without really getting to know each other. And I find it that, and I'm sure we did it as well as when we were younger.

Mm-hmm.

but I think maybe we did, at least I did my best to really at least know somebody a little bit. Being intimate with somebody on, there's two different ways, I think, two different levels. Anyone can go bang one out. Anyone, no matter who you are, whatever you're looking for. But if you have sex with somebody that you really like, things...

Of course.

change and mentally stimulation comes into as part of the physical. So by getting to know somebody and maybe waiting a while I think and I'm going to use this word because it's a wrestling word and I'm sorry it's going to sound bad but there's a payoff right there there's something that means way more it feels way more

Mm-hmm.

Right.

and you just have more of a connection. So I think that learning people in general means something because you can learn, you can talk to somebody a lot and still not know them because maybe you haven't been physically around them but you have a texting relationship where you might live far away from each other.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

And you're building to see this person, because you want to, right? But it just, it wasn't in the cards for whatever reason. So by the time you get there and you have this shot now, right? You move across the country, you're both in the same city now, everything's good. Now it's time to actually be around each other on the small levels. Like, hey, let's go shopping at the supermarket.

Mm-hmm.

because people shop a certain way or people do things a certain way, or you know, or how they blow the cart, whatever the simple things are, those simple little things is what makes relationship

Mm-hmm.

the glue to it, it bonds it better, I think.

Yeah, it makes it more stable.

Yeah, I just think that we're missing out on that now. Because people are in too big of a hurry to get to a place where they think that that's the main goal. Sex, let's get to sex quickly. It's like, oh, okay. And even that can be not the greatest. Because then you get there and you realize, man, I really kind of like was in the head of this person and then they weren't good in bed.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

Mm-hmm.

Oh shit. That would suck. Mm-hmm. It has.

I mean, it's happened, right? You know, so to me, it's that there's something to really learning somebody and liking them for the small idiosyncrasies that they do. And then you get to a point where you're with them and everything turns into a better experience.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

I think it's... go ahead. I think that it's important to get to know somebody because if you chase it, if it goes too quickly, you miss some really big things that will end up coming out into your relationship later. You know, like for instance, cheating. Why would you cheat? Maybe you didn't have a good connection because you didn't build on it. You went straight to sex and sex is great. Sex will get you through a lot of arguments if you guys are both in the same place, but

Do you? Uh-huh. Make a go.

Um, after a while, it's like, okay, all we have together is sex. Like now, now it's time to do in our chores on a Saturday morning, get the house clean and you know, how do you do things or where do you do things? Like, I think it's, I think it's good to kind of know all that, not know it, but I think you should have spent some time together to get to know some people outside of having sex. I think that's important.

Mm hmm. It's experiencing, right? It's experiencing those little things as well that makes that makes your time together more real.

Mm-hmm.

Well, in most relationships, there's 90% of the time you're not having sex. If you're lucky, you're getting a 10% of the time, but, uh, that 90%, that person has to be your friend. That person has to be your lover. That person has to be your confidant. That person needs to be able to know that you're going to listen to their stories and, and kind of be proactive in helping them out if they need help or.

Right.

or being supportive, if they're going through something, there's nothing that you can do. And how do you know that if you haven't stopped to talk to the person that it's just such a need to be close in a sexual manner, but there's, there's an even bigger need to be close in a friend level, like whether you're dating or not, if that's not your friend, that's never going to be a lover that lasts is never going to be a partner that wants to go the distance with you. It's just somebody that's in it.

to get what they can and then they're gonna go. Or you are, you know, one way or another.

Right, because on either side, someone's needs aren't being met.

Mm-hmm. Well, it's that 90% this still needs to be handled and worked on and cultivated and if it's not being worked on Or cultivated it's not going to last Yeah

Right. Yeah, because then it just ends up, oh, we're gonna have sex again, and it's nothing.

I don't know. I don't really say it like that. But after the sex, I'm like, well, now how do we get to know each other? You know, it's it's.

Right, no, but what I'm saying is long-term. Like, let's say you're having, if you're seeing each other and things are okay and good, but you're really only dating, so it's like every time that you're together is a Disneyland moment. It's like, oh, we're gonna go do this, and we're gonna go do that, and we're gonna go do this.

Yeah, for sure.

Mm-hmm.

by the time you get to the point where you're just doing regular mundane things together because you're right, there's a lot of time where that's the reality of life. Then you're just like, all right, well, it's, oh, you're really just this person. I'd rather really, really like the person that I see on the mundane level where they're in sweatpants and a tank top and you're, you know.

Mm-hmm.

cooking eggs in the morning. Because that's the person that you're right, you wanna be with on the 90%. Because that's the real person and you like them for the silly shit that they do.

Yeah, for sure.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely, you get kind of, you get in a groove with somebody when you're just spending time with them. You know, for me, I've noticed that people that are into more music, I'm more attracted to them.

Like if they're like all about all the TV shows, they don't do it for me. I'm like, how do you sit there and do nothing? That drives me crazy. And I don't want anybody that's really lazy because that's not going to make life any easier. So when they talk about TV shows and stuff like that, I mean, yeah, if there's a couple you like, cool. But if that's what you do and you're not, you're not doing anything else. That's not somebody that I generally would be interested in. Just like I have to have music on a lot in my

Right.

Like on a daily music is on in my car. It's on at my work It's it's on while I'm getting ready for work in the mornings when I wake up if I'm just laying in bed I'll turn on music and I know that drives some certain people crazy They're like, why do you have to listen to music all the time? But then there's other people who are like, oh my god, I like your vibe because it does chill me out It does put me in a good space. It is easygoing. You know, I'm not listening to

Mm-hmm.

Right?

you know, death metal or anything like that. But just, but that's not going to be a groove type of a scenario. You know, that's, that's got its own like energy. So, but, you know, people that aren't into music, I tend to stay away from because of that.

Hey.

Yeah, I kind of agree with you though with music it and I think you can learn a lot about a person by the music they listen to because Like I'm very eclectic right so I listen to everything and people Generally look at me funny.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

because maybe they have seen me or hung with me and I'm listening to pretty hardcore metal, you're right, but it'll be followed up by like a Broadway musical. And they're just, yeah, and they're like, what is this? And it's like, oh, it's Phantom of the Opera.

Mm-hmm.

Right, I've been in the car with you and that's happened.

and the next one will be an 80s gangster hip hop rap and then followed by like a country song. So I have a very wide range of taste and lots of different generations right because you know my brother is six years older than me and so I listen to like Boston and Zeppelin and Queen so I have that late 70s you know action going too.

Hahaha

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So I, and I generally ask people too, like what do you listen to? Just to get a nice little carve out of who, how we're going to get together, you know, cause lyrics are a great thing to bring people together. Right? It's a good way to get to know each other. Send.

Mm-hmm.

I also know that music and when you're in a relationship could really go bad. Like if you're on a road trip, I know I was into different music than my ex was. And you know, he was like, well, I'm driving, so I'm going to listen to my music. That would put me on freaking edge. Like really? Just cause you're driving? Well, then get out of the seat. Cause I don't want to listen to this shit the whole time. And being that there was a 12 year age difference, that was kind of big. You know, I.

Right.

That's huge actually.

Yeah, I just he wore me out basically and then I just listened to it But it then it then it was like i'm gonna drive, you know, you're gonna be in my car No, I don't want to listen to your shit. It did cause some problems. It did but You kind of got to know that before you get involved with somebody

It can, and I kind of had the same issue with my ex-wife. Probably not on a bad level, because she was okay with it. And we kind of played tennis, right? She'd go, oh, you know, let me just listen to this for a little bit. And then I would hand her the control, like, okay, put in whatever you want to listen to.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And it would go because you know, my daughters at the time were young so it would go from like a pretty hard metal band to like Britney Spears So I've also as we've grown older you You open up to a lot of different things that I hated when we were younger like any of that 80s new wave Hated that stuff until you listen to it now

hehe

Oh, for sure.

Right?

And you're like, oh, that's pretty good. And that's like, I want to go see Berlin. I'd love to go see him. And they play. No, never. And I want to go see him. They play they play a lot of places like the Canyon Club out by you. So that's on my hit list of bands to go see, because.

Mmm. You never would have listened to Berlin back in the day.

Mm-hmm.

Those are things I think that are relatable to a lot of people. And when you're getting to know somebody, you can say, Hey, you remember this band from the eighties or, or like even like our eighties, early nineties, R and B, I would have never listened to that then. But now I'm like, well, those guys are pretty good. Like there's a lot to that. So when you're getting to know someone, I think it's a good idea. Like those are good dates. Um, small clubs to see bands.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

maybe like a cover band, you know, you go, you take somebody out and then you can kind of listen to the vibe of like, let's see if you're in the same age range. Like I told you before, like I'm probably not going more than five years younger than me. And probably not more than three years older than me, four years maybe, because I think that there's, that's a timeline that I can go.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Hey, do you remember Poison? Oh yeah, do you remember, you know, DJ Quick? And they're gonna go, oh yeah. So you have a very wide gap of like where you can do things. And I've taken people to go see music. Matter of fact, I took a friend of mine to a festival that was probably not in her music library.

Mm-hmm.

It's, um, but I, it was a good time and I think she had a good time, even though a lot of the bands that we listened to, she might not have gone to sea on her own. But it was an, I mean, it was a good time because obviously we were together.

Mm-hmm.

but I think it was cool to see her kind of like, all right, you know, head was bobbing a little bit, like, okay, and we were in a pit, and I was like, don't worry about it, I got you, like, you're not gonna get hurt in here. And it was cool to kind of see that, you know, blossom. So I think that those are the things getting to know each other that are very important that people are skipping. People are definitely skipping that. Because I think...

Mm-hmm.

Right. Yeah, for sure.

They're skipping a lot of things though, it's not just that. But that is one that will cause problems when you're on a road trip. I could contest to that.

Mm-hmm. I found out from somebody that I like about she said something about an animal. She was like, oh yeah, I really like this animal. And at first I thought, like I thought she was kind of ribbing me. I was like, so I didn't know how to answer it. She's like, oh yeah, I really like alligators. And I was like, uh-huh. And at first, and that's kind of what I text her back. Uh-huh.

Hmm. What?

And then I went, are you serious? Seriously, I really did. And she's like, yeah, I think alligators are really cool. I'm like, no shit, I did not know that. And I've known her a long time. So there's always something new to understand from the people that we like. And...

Are you serious? Yikes!

Mm-hmm.

Oh yeah.

And a long game is okay. Like it was neat to like hear something that I didn't know about her. And I've known her a long time. I've known her since 2006, but really since 2017 where I've really kind of opened up to her more about just the realities of life. We knew each other when we were both married. But it was interesting because I didn't think that was, I was like, I know a lot about you. I didn't know that she liked alligators.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's amazing how you can hang out with somebody a lot and you could talk to them on the phone even more And you could you know have all these encounters with them and then when you're at their house and they're you know, you're doing something with them how they do it so differently or they don't do it at all or It causes like they don't want you to see certain things or you know, I was like I was at a friend's house and he's like no matter what I don't want. I don't want anybody in my bedroom

F.

And I was like, okay, cool. Like, I don't want to go in your bedroom. You know, like there's some times when somebody says something, I'll be like, I'm just going to take your word for that. You know, I'm going to leave it alone. And, um, I think he thought that I was trying to get into his bedroom and his personal bathroom that's off of his bedroom to see if there were other girls in the, in the house and that wasn't the case at all. Like, I don't even.

No, I don't even know why he thought I wanted to go in his bedroom because that wasn't You know, I don't normally say hey, let's go kick in your bedroom. That's never been me. So I was I was dumbfounded when he told me what what do you want to see? What do you want to see and i'm like um nothing, what is the problem and then when he showed me I was he was embarrassed because

Right.

Yeah.

He had, you know, a lot of things going on in his bedroom and it wasn't like as tidy as he would have wanted it. And then I go, you made a big ass deal about this. I thought your room was going to be way worse, you know, and, and it was funny, but I think he was just so concerned that I would be judging. You know, it's funny in this time in my life, people seem to think that I have more of an opinion than I ever wanted to have in my life. And so

Sure.

Alright.

You know, he's like, well, I don't want you to say anything because, you know, when I went over to your house, your room was clean. And I'm like, you ever wonder if maybe I cleaned it up because I knew you were coming over? Not like, you know, I don't. Okay. So granted, you know, my room normally isn't as bad as his was that given day, but I'm not also trying to run my business out of my bedroom. You know what I mean? I'm not, I'm not working the hours that he does. And I just thought it was really funny. And

Right.

Right.

So we had this whole conversation about it and I was like, wow, I didn't even realize I should have had an issue with this. Like it didn't.

Right. And I think that those are the things when you're getting to know people where you're blatantly honest, right? Where you end up going like, look, my house isn't spick and span right now. Just so you know. Like, yeah, I'm a little behind or the cleaning lady hasn't came or whatever the thing is.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But it's also the reality of who you, you know, like I'm not a pig, but yeah, there's something on the floor. I just haven't, you know, I haven't swept today or I haven't done this or whatever.

Yeah. Well, the funny, the funny thing for me, I was, I was like, really? You're gonna you think I'm gonna worry about this? Why am I gonna judge you? I'm living with my dad. Like you have your own place. You have your own setup. You take care of yourself. Everything's good. Like, why would you think I want to judge you when I'm living in my old bedroom that I grew up in? Let's just be honest there, you know, since the since the divorce, that's where I sit. And.

Right.

Right.

I don't have time to worry about what you're doing, I'm worried about what I'm doing." And that was kind of a funny thing. I didn't realize that people even worried to the degree that he did about what I was going to see or how I was going to react.

I think that men think about that kind of thing way more. Just because, look, first impressions are a big deal. And the hundredth impression can be a big deal. You're always trying to make sure that the girl you like is understands who you are. Like, because women...

Yeah.

I don't want to say you're judgy, but they're judgy. I just think that, look, there's a lot to be said. I was just talking to my friend the other day about, I was told by somebody when I was.

They're judgy bitches.

I had a roommate and she's like, you know, you really ought to think going forward about, you know, trying to make it on your own because it's gonna be hard to get a girl when you're living with another girl, even if it's your roommate.

And I kind of took that to heart. And I did make sure that I moved out and I went a different direction. And I've done better since then. And I'm glad it was good on every level. And I don't think she was trying to shame me and do it. You better do it or you're never gonna, you know? I don't think that was it. I think some people are dishonest. And sometimes it's good to hear that from somebody who you either like or respect. Yeah, maybe you're right.

Mm-hmm.

I was living easy. I had it easy, I really did. But the long-term effect of that, she was probably right. What girl's gonna go, you live with another girl right now? It's odd. It's like, oh yeah, I guess that is kinda odd. So there is something to that impressions, right? But on the flip side of that, I'm pretty open. Really pretty open. Like...

Mm-hmm

guess.

Mm-hmm.

And I think you have to be now. It's like, look, you're either gonna trust me or you're not. If you wanna look through my phone, have at it. But we've talked about it before that if you're really searching for something, you're gonna make a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes. My mom used to say if you're looking for things to be pissed off about, you'll find them. You'll start a fight. You'll go there. If you don't want to fight with them, don't go looking through his shit. It's not your place to do that anyway.

Right. And

But if I'm okay with it, pick up my phone, I don't care. I really don't because trust me, if I'm with you, there's a reason. Because most of us, and I mean that wholeheartedly, don't need anyone, right?

Yeah, oh yeah.

Mm-hmm.

The girl down the street, she doesn't need anybody. You don't need anyone. I don't need anyone. You know, the guy, four houses for me that just got divorced doesn't need anyone either. We want to be with somebody, so if you put in the time, there's a reason. You know, and I think that goes a long way during the courting process, right?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Learn and talk to people. You should, first of all, you should be talking to people about reality from a good part, not the start. You can't go into it going, I'm gonna marry you tomorrow. I think that's a bit much. But I definitely think that there has to be some reality of the future. Mostly at certain ages. If you're 22, you shouldn't be worried too much about marriage yet.

Right?

Mm-hmm.

But if you're 50 and your plan is to maybe get married again, I think that it has to be a very upfront thing. I'm getting into this relationship because my future is I would like to have a very long-term relationship, whether it's marriage or moving in together or whatever. There's something to that and I think it's important.

No.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

because those are the things during courting that you're gonna talk about, your morality, what you're looking for, the kind of person you are, the kind of person you wanna be with. If you're a family person, do you want kids? Let's say you're in your 30s. Things like this should be the cornerstone of getting to know each other long before sex. Because if there's a mishap,

Mm-hmm. I agree.

and there are, you have to be able to step back and go, I at least know a lot about this person. If we screwed up and you're gonna keep a baby, at least you go, I know his morality, I know this, he's a standup guy, he's gonna stay around, he's gonna try to make it work. Obviously we had a good dating relationship, maybe we can take this to another level and make it work as a unit.

Mm-hmm.

At our age, I think it's, look, I enjoy your company. I would like to take this further on and if it's marriage, awesome, and I can, we'll die together when we're 80, whatever that means. But I think there's a lot to that. Because we all should have some kind of standard that we're looking for. And...

You think?

I think, I think even young people should have a standard. Even if it's something that's going to change as you get older, and it does. Where we're at, I'm pretty positive what I want. And my morality, I sure the hell hope so, but I would argue that with some people that I know at our age.

Mm-hmm.

And it does.

Well, by our age, we should kind of have an idea of what we want.

You know, mid 40s to mid 50s, I've had, I've seen and heard about people that are, that just have no clue on what they want or who they are or how to treat people. There's a lot of things that some people don't grow out of their youth or grow out of their problems and their, um,

I get you.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

They use that as a crutch. I don't use my divorce as a crutch. I learned a lot from it, a lot. But I'm also not gonna go, I can't get into this relationship because she might be just like my wife.

Right.

Me too.

Yeah.

If you're doing that, you might as well just chain yourself to the couch and go, okay, I'm done for the rest of my life and I'm good. We as people, during the courting process, I hope that you find the things that are good and the things that are unlike the person that you were with last and you go, hey, maybe that's what I was missing before.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Because I know what I was missing during my marriage. And I think that if I go into the next relationship, there's things I'm going to try to learn about that person very quickly. What do you think of this? Where do you see yourself with this? Is this, where is this priority? Where is this on the scale of not mattering?

Yeah.

And you definitely shouldn't jump the gun if you don't have trust with the other person. You know, I think that we've all been in relationships and one person has been really jealous of the other person or the other person's friends or whatever. And that is so toxic for a relationship to be jealous like that. I had an experience where apparently every time

a friend of mine did a live chat or something. I guess I was on the phone too fast. But of course, you know, you get notifications if you sit there, you pop it open, no big deal. You don't know what it is from the way my notifications are. And for a while, it was like, you're stalking me, you're going through all my things. And I'm like, I wish I knew how to do that. I'm not technology savvy. I've been a hairdresser 33 years. Like,

I'm lucky I know how to post something to be honest with you. You, and you know, my technology skills suck because just trying to, to connect a microphone to a computer for me for a minute was a pain in the ass. Like you were very patient in trying to teach me that. And so it pissed me off one day that he had said that. And I was like, look, I'm not looking through your shit. I'm just going to just unfriend you. And I blocked him and unfriended. And.

Oh man, that's that is the truth.

Yeah.

I made sure he couldn't follow me anymore and now there's no more drama. Like I don't care to know what he posts. If he wants to do something that's shady on me, then thank you. Because now I know you're not the one for me. But you know, if we're going to have a relationship, I got to be able to trust what you do when I'm not paying attention anyway. So to me, I thought that was kind of a cool way to do it. Because now what are you going to say about me?

Right.

Correct.

Am I really stalking you or or am I really like the way I said what I don't care just you know remember you want to hold me in a good light because you'll want to be held in a good light as well so I don't know I just think that all these things that if you don't get to know the person if you're not spending time with them you're not going to know and once you're in a serious relationship and you can't get out of it or you moved in or you got married or you got pregnant or whatever

How do you fix all that shit then? You know, you can't. No.

Mm-hmm, you can't. Yeah, you're totally right. I think a lot of the things with trust is, look, if you're getting into a relationship that's committed and you've done your due diligence with getting to know someone, the trust has already been earned, right? Then, now it's up to them to

Mm-hmm.

either shit the bed or keep going. My thing is this too is that people that get into relationships need to always have a parachute, right? Mostly if it's something, because if you should never be financially strapped to a relationship and 98% of us are, it's unfortunate. And mostly in the state we live in.

No.

you are definitely strapped to a relationship. But I think that the mental state of going, look, I trust you wholeheartedly, don't break the trust. Because if you break it, I'm leaving. No ifs, no ands, no oh, let's make it work. You have to have the sensibility to go, nope, can't do it. Yeah.

Right?

I'm done. Yeah.

And if your partner has the nuts to go, well, I've talked to other men and they're interested, I'm gonna go, then you can go.

Yeah, nobody wants a girl that that a man feels like they have to fight for with a bunch of other men Because then she's not special and nor is the relationship they'd have together Yeah

Yeah.

Exactly. And I think there's something to that. And here's the thing, even if you're not talking to anyone, if you, once you say those words, you've now also left. Yeah, you're like, my thing is, no, I'm not cheating on you. And this is where this is going. And...

cheapened yourself.

Yeah.

you find a way to meet in the middle. But if you don't wanna be with somebody and you're using that excuse, like you know that other girls text me. Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's just going to cause a lot of uneasy feelings and a lot of snooping.

Yeah, well, and then it just, if I heard that from somebody, if some girl told me, I have lots of people that text me, and just so you know, I'd be like, go fuck yourself. Awesome, I'm leaving and good luck, because I'm better than that. It's kind of like I was talking to somebody about, about being in a situation where you might be around your ex, right?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm.

this person has been around their exes, several of them in the same place at the same time. And it was odd. And I talked to her about my situation of, you know, going to a birthday party with my kid, with my ex-wife. And it's not a shot on her current husband, but I'm better than him then, and I'm better than him now.

That's just me having some kind of ego that I know. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He's a good guy. He really is. And good for them. But if I would take a current girlfriend to a gathering with my ex-wife and her new husband and my son and whoever, I would still think the same way.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

and I would not be uncomfortable in front of them. I would go right up and introduce my new girl to all of them and say, this is who she is. Now, again, there's a lot of time in between my marriage and now. So if there's something that's a little more open, I could understand if that wound still kind of hurts. But the other side is let's say I was being taken.

Mm-hmm.

to that situation and I and I told them I would be like I'd walk right up to everyone who's an ex shake their hand and say it's nice to meet you because they need to know that I don't care my relationship with this with your ex is good and she's happy that that's all that matters and you can't please everybody and these are the things I think

Mm-hmm.

that also need to be talked about when you're getting to know someone like who you are as a person what's going to happen if we're out and about and we're at a at dinner and an ex comes up and talks to me i would look that guy dead in the face shake his hand and go hey how you doing because i know i'm going home with her and that's all that matters

Yeah.

What was, go ahead. Yeah. What was a weird situation for me was meeting family, like meeting the mom. You know, even though we're in the like, getting to know each other stage and we haven't pushed the envelope in any direction. And then all of a sudden the mom and the stepdad showed up and I was like, all I wanted to do was hide in a garage, to be honest with you. I'm like, I'm not good at meeting people's parents. Never was. The parents are like,

Right.

This girl's too wild. Not that I even was wild. I was just able to do a lot more than most kids were when I was dating the first time. And now I would definitely say that, you know, moms are gonna like look a little bit more. And to me, that's always freaked me out. So I was like, how do we do this? And I was, it happened by accident. You know, oh, my mom's gonna be here in 10 minutes. She's just stopping by and I'm like, what? We have to do that now?

Hahaha

Can't you prepare a bitch? Like, we're not even dating dating. We're just kinda hanging out. Like, and yeah, that was uncomfortable for me, but I was just like, hey, how's it going? Like, any other person that you'd wanna meet. But, you know, all those things and stuff, it's like, I just, did you imagine if it was like, a third time I had seen this guy, and then all of a sudden I'm meeting the mom? Fuck that. What do you guys have in common? Oh, we fuck.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

Like really? Who would do that?

You're right, you're right. I think, yeah, I think for me, I kind of agree, but I'm I wouldn't have a problem with it because I'm pretty good under pressure and

See, you are better at that than me. I'm like, you know, most women when they meet me, they don't like me. I've had friends come up and say, you're judgy, you're quiet, you're looking for an angle and I'm not doing shit. I just wanna see if I wanna hang out with these people to be honest with you. Because I am picky on who I wanna be around because I don't like all the drama. But everybody, every one of my friends that I've met in the last like 20 years go.

Oh, I thought you were gonna be a bitch. And I'm like, well, you told me the other day, well, no, a different type of bitch. Like one I didn't wanna know. Now you're just funny and you're a bitch. You know, like you tell the truth, but man, there's so many things, like when you're starting out, that you should really get to know before it's out of control. Meeting kids too, like you should be dating a long time before you're meeting kids.

Right.

All right.

Yeah.

I do my best to read rooms, right? Like if I knew I was going to meet mom, it would be a little different because I would probably ask a few questions. You know, I have a lot of tattoos. So I think that that's something that I should already have an answer for, right? Or what they mean or.

Mm-hmm.

You know, whatever. But I also think that I read the room, right? I'm not gonna go in there and drop F bombs in front of my new girlfriend's mom. No, but some people have no filter for that. And I do. And I would probably ask like who she is and what's her background and what's her religious background. Just to have answers to things that I...

I would hope not.

would not work around because look, I'm a truthful person and I think you should be, but I would definitely have some decorum if I was gonna say something about that she might not like, but I would at least give her a good explanation on why I might not like it or that I do like it, whatever. But I am pretty good at, I'm okay with that. Kids are a little different. I think, you know, parents are one thing because

Yeah.

at certain age it's they're going to look at you and be like, oh, I don't, I'm not sure if he's husband material, but, but you can get around that because you know, maybe she sees her parents, you know, every blue moon. Kids are a whole other thing. Kids are like walking through a minefield because maybe, you know, one of the three like you, right? So then that's a whole thing and

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And then there's or like in my case where there's only one. So and or maybe you have a kid like mine who's just kind of like, yeah, whatever. Like, yeah, do you like her? Cool. Because I kind of had tried to put that into my kid's head as well about his relationships. That I don't need to like her. I mean, I want to, but it's.

Yeah.

I don't really care.

Right?

or do you like her? Because you're gonna have to be with her more than me. And I think that there's something to that. And as our kids get older, there should be some kind of give and take, right? I think that my kid, I hope, as long as he sees me happy, he's gonna be happy. And there's something to that. To where...

Yeah, exactly.

You know, if you're looking at the reality of these things, being happy is the end game, because being happy is hard. And if your kid sees you happy, I hope that they kind of look at the bigger picture and go, they're happy.

Leave it alone.

I might not be 100% on the girl he's with, but man, every time I see him, he's smiling, she's smiling, they're holding hands, they're smacking ass in the kitchen. Like, that's kind of a good relationship. And always. But I also think that there's something to that. Yeah, mostly in the kitchen.

Absolutely. There should always be ass mackin in a relationship. Always. Especially in the kitchen. Yeah.

or some arms around you and kissing your neck while you're getting, cutting, you know, cutting your fingers off, because you're not paying attention. These are the things of getting to know each other. And I think that those are the other things. Mostly a kitchen. Women don't like people in their kitchen. I'm one of those people where I'd rather be the sous chef and just go, look, do you need something cut? I wanna bullshit with you, but I don't wanna sit at a table and feel like I'm not being part, yeah, or contributing to it.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Contributing. Yeah, yeah.

So look, get to know each other. It's, relationships are already hard enough and if you're speeding to the sex line, you're probably not going to have something long run.

for sure.

and read your partner, you know, and don't be afraid to ask a question about getting to know them, because you never know who you.

But also be honest with yourself with what you're seeing, cause the signs are all there.

Agree, I think there's a lot to that as well, yes. And a lot of that could be circumstantial. Again, we can toss the ball back and forth with each other about certain things. I think at the end it's still communication, right? If you see something and it bothers you, go to them and say, hey, this, and then you should be able to come back and go, it's probably because of this. Like I was called intense.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, for sure.

Mm-hmm.

And I can be super intense. But under the circumstances, I think I was intense for the right and wrong reasons. And I think that I hope that if I have a partner that sees that, they can at least go to me and say, hey, why this and why that? And then we can talk about it. And if the answer is good for both parties,

Right?

then you keep moving forward. Getting to know each other is like a really long tennis match. There's a lot of hitting the ball back and forth.

Yeah, and it takes years to be honest or really get to know somebody. I can't, I couldn't, I could not believe when I was married, how long it took to really know my, my husband at the time. Like, and it is, you know, we dated five years before we even got married. So, and I still learn things about him every day. It was, it was amazing. You know, so

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

You got to give things some time. You got to at least know that the the general The the foundation of a person is somebody that you're gonna want to deal with long term

Yeah, and like you said, five years, that's a long time to just know somebody. And let's say you are learning the foundational family values and morals of somebody. You might wake up one day and they go, I like alligators. You know what I mean? Like, and I like that. That's, you should never stop learning your mate.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

That that's it's an important thing that maybe you can I love asking questions of people Um, I asked my friend that and I was like, hey, what about this? And it's out of nowhere. I'll go. Hey, I need to ask you a question like, uh, you know, have you ever seen this movie? Or hey, do you like this or what do you think of this? Just because maybe either we talked about it before and I don't remember

because I've talked to her for a lot of years, or maybe it's something that I just wanna know because it is something that's kinda like, oh yeah, she does like this. So we can go down this route, or I know she likes this color, so I can buy her this. These are very important things while you're building a relationship. And I don't know about you, because my mind is not the greatest, because I've been hit a lot of times.

Mm-hmm.

I write down things about people. Like, so I remember that, because it's important, the small things are so important. And I don't think people really understand that. It's important. And I think as you grow, as you're getting to know someone, learn their hits and misses. Like, I'm really not good at receiving gifts. Really bad at it, actually.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

but I love giving them, whether it's flowers, a gift, leaving them a note, writing poetry, whatever it is. I'm not good at receiving a gift. And my friend, we've given each other a gift for Christmas and I didn't complain, I smiled. It was nice, it was very thoughtful what she got me.

I mean, more than it was something about my mom who passed away. So it was very thoughtful and it meant a lot to me, but I, I kind of realized that sometimes you just got to shut the hell up and realize that the people who are that want to give you a gift, whether it's a present food, whatever, they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart.

They're doing it because they don't want you to hurt and that's that's a beautiful thing because Nobody knows how to fix wounds when there's death involved But the fact that they just don't want you to hurt or they'll do whatever they can like Bigger small to try to make it a little less like those are people you want to keep around Yeah

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's so Going forward. I'm doing my best That the few times she's given me something. I look at the bigger picture I appreciate the small things now because they mean something and it's Sometimes it really is the thought that counts

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I think that's a very overused but under appreciated thing. Sometimes just to hear like, hey, do you wanna go do something? It means a lot because some people need that in our life right now, just an escape. So during the getting to know process, this is the things that... ..

Mm-hmm.

you need to ask and remember. So the foundation that you're building towards a relationship may end up being like very, very good and one that you'll never forget.

Mm-hmm. I agree. We hit our time. Yeah.

Yes, yes. So, looks like we've hit our time by a few minutes. We've been doing this a lot lately, which is kind of nice. We'll just let it roll. Make sure you check us out on the old social medias. Share this with your friends across the country. We're like down to only four states now that we need, like Maine, Wyoming, right? Did I say Wyoming or Montana? Wyoming, Maine.

it is.

Wyoming.

and a couple of the little tiny ones back East Rhode Island, couple other things. So we're really close to having all 50 states, but share this with people, see what they think. We're on everything, Apple, Spotify, Amazon, all the cool ones. And YouTube music, you can catch us on YouTube if you wanna just click it on your computer and listen to it while you're.

doing your bills and have a small tear running down your eye these days. And, uh, yeah, you know, it's, it's been a lot of fun where we're way up there in shows now. I think this is number. Hundred and 38. Yes. We're getting close to the big one 50. I, I don't know what we're going to do for one 50, but we're going to have to come up with something because that's a pretty good milestone.

Stop it.

Wow.

We need to do something, yeah.

And just so you guys know, we've never missed a week. Every single week. Right, but as a show, you know, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say, at some point you'll probably be doing one of these by yourself or with somebody that's not me. It's bound to happen at some point.

Nope. I did. I missed one week.

The show went on.

What?

Yeah, I mean, maybe I'm on vacation. Well, no, we always record a minute. You're probably right. It probably won't happen. But.

Maybe we will do it. That would kind of be a good run to see if I could hold my own.

I think, you know what, maybe we should do one where I just produce it and you do a show. That's a great idea, Tina. Maybe we just came up with something at the 58 minute mark of this show. We're gonna talk about this after we get off here. Hold on one sec. Hey, this is an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday listening to these two crazy people talk their crazy nonsense about life relationships.

We should get my friends on.

Yeah, let's do that.

You know what's on the moon? Whatever is going through uh until next week. I'm rob. That's tina. You guys have a good time. See you later All right, bye

whatever we're going through.

See ya!