Due to microphone problems, Patrick was unable to record additional material to match the format of later episodes.

The "We Hate Uncle Lewis Club" is back in session for another deep dive into FRIDAY THE 13TH THE SERIES as we discuss "Hellowe'en".

In what is perhaps the most chaotic episode of the show ever, the Curious Goods crew throws a Halloween shindig at the store only to have the party crashed by the vengeful ghost of Uncle Lewis. He's escaped from Hell for the night and has until dawn to transfer his soul into a new body and continue his reign of terror on Earth forever!

You can expect:

• Back Alley Jack Traps!
• Bra Fruit!
• Troublesome Balls!
• Evil Little People!
• Black Magic Lovers' Spats!
• Glittery Headbands!
• Towering Hair!
• Refined Commentary & Scathing Snark from your hosts Patrick, Trae & Maya.

The "Hellowe'en" episode of Friday the 13th-The Series is currently available here on YouTube.

Hellowe'en was directed by Timothy Bond, written by Bill Taub and guest stars R.G. Armstrong as Uncle Lewis, Victoria Deslaurier as Evil Greta, Adrienne Pocock as Young Greta, David Matheson as Larry, Alan Watt as Howard, Braun McAsh as B.T. and Tom Melissis as Erik.

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Patrick: 00:00:16

Oh, hello. Come in, come in, come in. Do come in out of the terrible weather. Oh, welcome. Welcome to my very curious curio shop.

Although I hate to inform you the shop is closed for tonight because there's a. Well, it's a rather special evening. It's our monthly meeting of sorts. So unless you're here for the meeting, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

The nature of the meeting, you ask? Well, let me put it to you this way. Sometimes Uncle Lewis does dreadful things.

Welcome to Damn you Uncle Lewis, the Friday the 13th series retrospective podcast. I hereby call tonight's meeting of Damn you Uncle Lewis to order. And with me are my co chairs for the meeting.

As always, the fabulous Maya Murphy and Mr. Trae Dean.

Maya: 00:01:13

Hi.

Patrick: 00:01:15

Hey guys. We are in serious trouble, man.

Trae: 00:01:19

What? Why?

Patrick: 00:01:20

Because Uncle Lewis is back and he really did a bad thing.

Maya: 00:01:22

He actually did a bad, dreadful thing, man.

Patrick: 00:01:26

He's totally back. You guys, we are in so much trouble. The episode we are talking about is, is Halloween.

So before we get into the details, one of you just give me a quick synopsis. What happens in this episode.

Maya: 00:01:37

There's a Halloween party in the store. Some no good people get into the vault and start calling out any spirits who want to come play. So Uncle Lewis is like, this is my store.

I'm going to come hang out. He asks our heroes for help. They being pretty dumb, dumbs help him. So then he goes on this madcap chase to try and get a body again.

But he has to finish his whatever spell before the sun comes up because he'll lose his magic Halloween powers and sold.

Patrick: 00:02:04

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Trae: 00:02:05

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:02:06

Yep, yep, yep, yep. And notably this is the first episode where Micki's hair goes bananas. Oh my God.

Trae: 00:02:13

My first note is Roby hair.

Patrick: 00:02:17

Well, it's teased out for the Halloween party, but there were scenes where I'm like. Like it would be a close up of her and like the whole screen is just hair. It's this little tiny face and just hair.

Maya: 00:02:26

The rest of the screen hair and eye makeup.

Trae: 00:02:28

Eye makeup.

Maya: 00:02:29

Oh my.

Patrick: 00:02:30

So good. So good. Oh my goodness. Just immediately from the first scene I'm like, of course. It starts off in Micki's bedroom.

She listening to the radio, getting ready for this party that they're having at the, at the store. And what happened? It was like a fake wall. There's a fake wall.

Maya: 00:02:48

There's a room that no one knew about. But Jack, as always, is surprisingly cool.

Patrick: 00:02:53

With the surprise in her.

In her bedroom, there's a Jump scare, where she goes over to the window and like, the wall falls down and there's a dead body behind the wall and like, ah. But it just turns out to be one of dumbass's friends who is watching.

Trae: 00:03:05

Her change or something. That's creepy.

Maya: 00:03:08

Super creepy creepy in like, that 80s male prank way bedroom.

Patrick: 00:03:12

What is happening?

Maya: 00:03:13

This was always a bad idea. This isn't a good prank. And then he's like, that's what Halloween's all about is good pranks. And I'm like,.

Ryan: 00:03:21

What's going on? I can hear you all the way down. I know I said you could probably dig up a date for the pun, honey, but.

: 00:03:34

How you doing?

: 00:03:36

It was his idea.

Micki: 00:03:37

You juvenile little creeps.

Ryan: 00:03:40

It's no big deal. I mean, it's all part of Halloween. Nice job, Larry.

Maya: 00:03:44

Is it though?

Patrick: 00:03:46

I thought it was about candy and summoning demonical spirits with candy. And I have to say, record. We have a new record. It was the two minutes, the 32nd mark. We got a Jack accent.

Jack: 00:04:03

Merlin, as you can see, has nothing up his sleeve. That's a lovely dress you're almost wearing, my dear, but why in the world you got a pun behind your ear? Is this your bosom companion?

Patrick: 00:04:13

What?

Jack: 00:04:15

You've got quite enough down there. You don't need any help.

Ryan: 00:04:18

Are we having fun yet?

Patrick: 00:04:20

Ah, we waste no time for ridiculous Jack accent in this one.

Maya: 00:04:25

Oh, and the bad boob jokes. Oh.

Trae: 00:04:29

Oh, he's. He's pervy. Yes.

Patrick: 00:04:32

Yeah. What exactly was it was something about, oh, you're quick enough down there.

Maya: 00:04:36

Oh, no. And then it was the. Is this your bosom friend? Oh, why is there a plum? You don't need anything extra. And it's like, that's creepy.

Don't touch women's boobs.

Patrick: 00:04:45

And he pulls a plum out of her.

Jack: 00:04:46

Her.

Trae: 00:04:47

Her breasts?

Maya: 00:04:48

Yeah, it's like cleavage plum. Like. Oh, still creepy. Still creepy.

Patrick: 00:04:55

It was still really creepy.

Trae: 00:04:57

So Jack's just pansexual and go after anything.

Maya: 00:05:01

I mean, pansexual is one thing. Touching people when you shouldn't is another thing.

Patrick: 00:05:06

It's like, it's my party and I'll grope if I want to. Grope if I want to.

Ryan: 00:05:11

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:05:11

So they're throwing a party at Curious Goods, because I'm guessing they really don't have a good reputation.

Maya: 00:05:18

No, our dumbass cousin says that we're trying to welcome people back into the store and show them they shouldn't be afraid. We're gonna have a good old time. I don't know why I let you talk me into this party in the first place.

Ryan: 00:05:28

Would you lighten up?

Micki: 00:05:30

Knowing you, you probably invited every weirdo in town.

Ryan: 00:05:33

I did hit most of the local haunts. Okay. All right. I mean, it's not gonna be the BMW crowd, but the idea was to invite people from the neighborhood, remember?

Micki: 00:05:43

Your idea, not mine.

Ryan: 00:05:45

Look, Uncle Lewis didn't exactly have a sterling image around here. I mean, everybody was terrified of this place. It's up to us to let them know that there's nothing to be scared of.

We've got to let them know that this place is under new management with two decent, upstanding individuals at the helm.

Trae: 00:06:04

No more haunted merchandise here.

Patrick: 00:06:07

No, no, no. This place doesn't have a death curse at all. No. I always wonder what's going on at the store next door. I want to see that show.

Maya: 00:06:16

They're at it again. There's a thumping noise this time.

Trae: 00:06:20

People's blood. But one thing I want. They wanted to say is that we were talking earlier, Patrick, about how they didn't know what they were doing. They didn't give a.

So the characters, they talked about how Ryan said, mickey, you know, this isn't the BMW crowd. So I thought, wait, is she supposed to be rich and prissy? Is that her character at this point?

Maya: 00:06:39

Well, the fiance we haven't seen was rich and prissy and probably drove a BMW. But, yeah, I don't think she's getting a. An allowance from that guy. No.

Patrick: 00:06:49

Based on her attire in the early episodes, she's rich and prissy.

Trae: 00:06:53

Okay. Because I'm used to the punk Micki. But that comes later.

Patrick: 00:06:57

That comes later.

Maya: 00:06:57

We have to deal with that Micki later. I'm so excited.

Patrick: 00:07:00

Yeah. Like what you're saying? We're saying, like, it's still really early on in the series. Like, we're still below the six. Is this the sixth episode?

Maya: 00:07:07

Five, I think.

Trae: 00:07:08

Fifth.

Patrick: 00:07:09

Five. Yeah. And it's normally six before you start getting feedback.

Maya: 00:07:13

Oh, okay.

Patrick: 00:07:15

You know the six is what they pitch.

Maya: 00:07:17

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:07:18

You know, they have six in the cannons or whatever. When you get picked up, you do six, and they kind of just start tinkering after that. So they didn't know they had a hit on their hands.

So nobody gives a shit. Nobody's performing.

Micki: 00:07:27

No.

Maya: 00:07:28

You can tell. No one gives a shit. That is visible.

Patrick: 00:07:32

We are not getting picked up. Blah, blah, blah. We're all half acting. Nobody cares. La, la la. But then, surprise, it gets picked up. Now all of a sudden, everybody cares anyway.

Surprise. Having this party and what happens Two.

Trae: 00:07:44

Dorks go into the vault, which is not locked.

Maya: 00:07:47

There's a sign that says, keep out. This means boo. And one of the friends goes, hey, look, what about this sign?

And the sign or the other guy goes, well, that sign is for jerks, not for us.

: 00:07:58

Always wanted to poke around down there.

: 00:08:02

What are you doing? Can't you read?

: 00:08:04

You're the biggest wimp I have ever seen. This isn't for us. This is for the jerks. Okay? Come on.

Maya: 00:08:10

That means you are jerks. You are jerks.

Patrick: 00:08:12

You are jerks. Can I talk about the sign for a minute?

Maya: 00:08:14

Yeah, go for it.

Patrick: 00:08:15

What did you notice about the sign?

Trae: 00:08:16

Uncle Sam is on as a demon.

Patrick: 00:08:19

A devil Uncle Sam. Because it's a Canadian production and they always have to convince you that it's happening in America.

In the 80s, every Canadian production did this. Like this is totally America.

Trae: 00:08:30

So guess what? To do an American account. Each movie just find a little.

Patrick: 00:08:33

Here we are in America. Yes. It's literally like a little sign across the. Not even across a door. It's an open doorway.

Just like with tape, you know, like police tape, but just like with a sign with devil Uncle Sam in the middle.

Trae: 00:08:44

Why would they not lock?

Patrick: 00:08:45

This means boo. Something like that.

Maya: 00:08:46

Yeah, this. This means boo. Why would you not lock the vault? The vault locks now.

Patrick: 00:08:51

When I watched it the third time, I realized they don't get into the vault. They're just downstairs. Because I know that it's downstairs.

Maya: 00:08:58

And downstairs they leave a crystal ball out downstairs.

Patrick: 00:09:00

Jack says later on that it's his crystal ball.

Trae: 00:09:03

Uh huh.

Maya: 00:09:03

Jack, you dumbass.

Trae: 00:09:05

God damn it, Jack.

: 00:09:06

Can't you act like you've got a little guts? This is what Halloween's all about. Who should I call up?

: 00:09:12

I don't know. I think this whole thing is stupid.

: 00:09:16

Elvis. Let's call up Elvis. Spirits of the night, I call to you. If you hear me, show me a sign.

Patrick: 00:09:27

So Jack's ball is the problem. Jack's ball is the root of all evil. In this episode, you play with Jack's.

Trae: 00:09:35

Balls and see what happens.

Patrick: 00:09:37

Stop. They turned blue and got crazy. Is that what happened? Is that what happened? Yeah.

Maya: 00:09:46

Green is a dangerous color for balls.

Patrick: 00:09:51

You've had an erection for four hours or longer, it's gonna rot off.

Trae: 00:09:57

And why do these two guys want to go poking around the basement?

Maya: 00:09:59

It's the spirit of Halloween, bruh.

Patrick: 00:10:02

I mean, they're best. These best friends that we are never going to see.

Trae: 00:10:06

Two guys want to go off into a dark room by themselves.

Maya: 00:10:09

That's something else and play with someone else's balls.

Patrick: 00:10:11

Did you notice who else was not at the party?

Trae: 00:10:14

Oh, the old woman from last episode.

Maya: 00:10:16

We are never gonna see Birdie again. Jack broke her little heart.

Patrick: 00:10:20

Jack, that kid wasn't at the party, okay? The kid would have just stolen everything.

Maya: 00:10:25

No, she's gonna go get adopted by Sally Fields so she can be Mrs. Doubtfire

Patrick: 00:10:28

So Jack's doing. He's telling ghost stories and doing magic tricks. Recycling. Recycling his monk costume, but with a hat.

Maya: 00:10:36

Yeah, yep. Notice that?

Patrick: 00:10:38

Yeah, he's recycling the monk costume from episode two. But now the wizard's hat. He's telling ghost stories and. And doing magic tricks and doing tarot readings. He's doing a tower reading for the group.

And the first card he pulls is death. And as soon as he does, the lights go out.

Micki: 00:10:53

Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen, used properly, the tarot can tell us much about future. And the first card is death.

Patrick: 00:11:11

Oh great. Ha. Everyone's scared, but that's okay, cuz that's just the dorks.

Trae: 00:11:17

Right?

Patrick: 00:11:18

The dorks did that. So of course everybody's screaming and panicking and every is fine. He says something like, oh well, this is why I prefer magic.

Cuz technology is so unreliable. Shut up.

Ryan: 00:11:30

Shut up.

Patrick: 00:11:31

Shut. Technology. Lights are not technology. It's our basic necessity. Come on now.

Maya: 00:11:37

Also, I'd like to point out that in Tarot, death doesn't mean death. The death card is always about transformation.

Patrick: 00:11:43

Yeah,.

Maya: 00:11:45

Horror movies never read tarot cards, right? And pisses me off.

Patrick: 00:11:49

No, no, the what? The what? What is it? The Nine of swords. That's a bad one, right?

Maya: 00:11:52

Yeah. Watch out for that guy.

Patrick: 00:11:54

You don't want the nine of swords. No sir. Because it's coming. It's coming for you in the back and you will not see it coming. Now I forget exactly what happened.

Like all of a sudden shit got real and I don't remember.

Trae: 00:12:05

Stuff starts to. There's like an earthquake and those ceiling starts to collapse a little bit.

Maya: 00:12:10

Oh, we, the dorks are downstairs talking to the crystal ball. And one of them's like, I want to go back to the party. And the other dork is like no man. Any spirits who want to come hang out? I guess.

: 00:12:23

Can't you act like you've got a little guts? This is what Halloween's all about. Who should I call up?

: 00:12:28

I don't know. I think this whole thing is stupid.

: 00:12:32

Elvis. Let's call up Elvis. Spirits of the night, I call to. You if you hear me, show me a Sign.

Maya: 00:12:43

And then the ball starts lighting up different colors. Smoking, breathing. And then it. Like the. The winds. And it starts raining inside the party. I couldn't quite tell what the effect was supposed to be.

Patrick: 00:12:54

Something bad goes on collapsing, like, because you can see the walls cracking. Everybody panics and runs out anyway. So the party is ruined.

Maya: 00:13:22

Party is ruined.

Trae: 00:13:24

Wasn't a great party to begin with.

Maya: 00:13:25

No.

Patrick: 00:13:26

But then Jack is just like, hold on, I got this. It's my crystal ball. I can reverse the whole thing. He says one spell, and he's just.

Ryan: 00:13:32

Like, what is happening?

Jack: 00:13:35

Those friends of yours who played around with my crystal ball, threw out a psychic line and hooked something.

Micki: 00:13:45

What do you mean?

Jack: 00:13:46

There are people who think that Halloween is a kid's game. It isn't. It's the one night of the year a spirit, sweet of the dead can roam the earth with freedom.

Micki: 00:14:00

Explain it all later.

Jack: 00:14:02

In the name of Melchizedek the Larophon. And set. I command you, spirit, to be gone. I command you to be gone through the depths of hell to the halls of darkness, to the black pit.

I command you to be gone now.

Patrick: 00:14:29

And we're done.

Trae: 00:14:30

And we're done.

Maya: 00:14:31

Thanks.

Trae: 00:14:31

And also when. Yeah, well, wait, so three of them left. He starts whispering to them like, okay,.

Patrick: 00:14:37

Let's go find the.

Trae: 00:14:38

I'm like, wait, why are you whispering? It's the three of you in your house. In your house.

Patrick: 00:14:43

Yeah.

Trae: 00:14:43

And he just does that little magic and. Okay, we're done. Banished.

Patrick: 00:14:47

Yeah. And leave. And outside, he runs into the lost trick or treater girl.

Jack: 00:14:52

Oh, no. Hey, little one. What's the matter?

Greta: 00:14:57

I'm scared. I lost. My mom was out trick or treating and I got lost.

Jack: 00:15:05

Oh, yeah. That's scary. Do you live around here?

Greta: 00:15:09

Down that way.

Jack: 00:15:11

Is it far? Well, I guess we better see you home. Come on.

Maya: 00:15:20

It was obviously a trap. It's Halloween, and she's wearing something that isn't quite flapper. Isn't quite grandma. And it's like, no, it's a trap.

Trae: 00:15:28

And she's lost. So she leads him back to her.

Maya: 00:15:30

House, which is what? Lost.

Patrick: 00:15:32

She couldn't find her mommy is what she said.

Maya: 00:15:33

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:15:34

So he was gonna walk her home. I get that. That's fine. Come with me, creepy old man. I'll walk you home on Halloween. But I guess. What are you gonna do? It's fine.

Someone's gotta be nice to the kids. Even though it's obviously a trap, doesn't bother to tell Ryan and Micki that he's going anywhere. Nope.

Trae: 00:15:51

Everything's Fine.

Maya: 00:15:52

Here's what I wrote in my notes. There's a kitty. Yay. There's a kid. Boo. There was a black cat in the.

Patrick: 00:15:58

House we haven't seen since the premiere episode.

Maya: 00:16:02

Well, that's right. We could afford an animal handler this episode. Thanks.

Patrick: 00:16:06

Whose cat is that? I don't know.

Maya: 00:16:09

If it's a bodega cat. It's a haunted house cat.

Trae: 00:16:11

It's fine.

Patrick: 00:16:13

Is it on salary? I don't understand. Because nobody seems to feed it or talk about it or pet it or reference it. Just shows up when needed.

Maya: 00:16:18

It eats the haunted rats in the basement.

Patrick: 00:16:21

Hey, you need something spooky? You need some filler? I'm a cat kitty. Everybody need a jump scare right here, Kitty cat. Jump scare. Red? Anybody? Nope. Okay, I'll just be in my chair.

So while Jack is gone, walking this little girl home, we get a visitation from Uncle Lewis.

Uncle Lewis: 00:16:45

Not even a hello for you, Uncle Lewis.

Trae: 00:16:48

Oh, Uncle Lewis.

Maya: 00:16:50

Uncle Lewis, who inexplicably has a Southern accent. Because we're in America, y'. All.

Patrick: 00:16:55

Well, that guy does. Is. I mean, that guy.

Maya: 00:16:56

Oh, that's really his accent.

Patrick: 00:16:58

He's a terrible actor.

Maya: 00:16:59

Oh, he was so hammy.

Patrick: 00:17:02

He's a terrible actor, but he has got credits, like, 60 years of credits with, like, the biggest directors in Westerns.

Maya: 00:17:11

Stop. Really? Okay.

Patrick: 00:17:12

Yeah.

Trae: 00:17:13

But also, like, when they see Uncle Lewis, Micki's like, oh, it's Uncle Lewis. I recognize him from the photos. Just like. So how's this connected? Is this family that says the one thing I don't think they've reminded?

It's a family tree of Micki and Ryan.

Maya: 00:17:27

We can't establish that because then we'll know how gross it is every time Ryan hits on Micki.

Patrick: 00:17:31

Yeah, we didn't have any. This episode. He just told her how nice she looked.

Maya: 00:17:35

I was really waiting for it.

Patrick: 00:17:36

And it didn't make a really pretty witch, which is a total normally thing to say.

Maya: 00:17:39

I don't expect the show to stick to that, but it was nice to have one episode where we didn't do.

Patrick: 00:17:43

It for a breather. For a breather. Because there are a couple of episodes when they're locked in a bedroom. Like, he's gonna say something gross.

He's gonna say something gross locked in his bedroom. But we're not there yet. Uncle Lewis shows up and we have some. Hammy, Hammy, Hammy, Hammy, Hammy, Hammy.

Ryan: 00:18:00

Uncle Lewis?

Micki: 00:18:02

It's him. I've seen his picture.

Ryan: 00:18:05

You look like hell.

Uncle Lewis: 00:18:07

Yes, I do, daughter. Oh, nephew. I haven't come back to hurt you. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I can't even touch you.

Ryan: 00:18:21

Look, don't you think you done enough damage around here? I mean, not to mention tonight you've got us chasing down cursed objects from now until doomsday.

Uncle Lewis: 00:18:28

I know. I know, and I'm sorry.

Ryan: 00:18:31

Sorry? Sorry? Is that all you have to say is you're sorry?

Uncle Lewis: 00:18:34

I know. I can understand your hate for me. I can. I thought I could outsmart the prince of lies. Now I must pay for my sins.

For bringing so much evil into the world when I sold my soul. I've blighted the lives of so many. But tonight I have a chance to make amends. I've come back to undo the curse.

Patrick: 00:19:02

Because, I mean, he's there and he's all, like, ethereal and he's transparent.

Maya: 00:19:07

Oh, yes, we're doing everyone's favorite ghost effect. But I'm obviously in the scene.

Patrick: 00:19:13

And even with the diaphanous and even with the voice change, I'm like, you are not scary.

Maya: 00:19:22

He has, like an ascot and some suspenders and none of it fits right. And it's like, you didn't die that long ago. What's with the outfit?

Trae: 00:19:28

And he's really sorry.

Maya: 00:19:31

Oh, he's so sorry. Uncle Lewis did a bad thing, but.

Trae: 00:19:35

He apologizes for it.

Maya: 00:19:37

He apologizes and he leads us into a secret room with his dead wife laid out in it.

Ryan: 00:19:42

Without undoing this curse. You can do this?

Micki: 00:19:46

I thought curses were forever.

Uncle Lewis: 00:19:48

No, it only seems like forever. I can do it, but I'm going to need your help. I can only stay in this world till dawn. I have that much time to set things right. To undo the curse.

Then I must return to my punishment. I only ask one thing. I have to set right my greatest sin. One that tears at my soul like no other. The murder of my wife.

Micki: 00:20:15

Murder?

Uncle Lewis: 00:20:16

I hope that I keep this to myself. My final secret sin.

Patrick: 00:20:25

In the store that no one has noticed before.

Maya: 00:20:28

It's huge.

Patrick: 00:20:30

It's huge. And apparently it turns out he's given this whole sob stories like. You don't understand. I'm repentant. I tried to break the deal and now I'm in hell.

And it's terrible. And I'm so sorry. If there was anything I could do to undo it. And maybe I can say I have to make atones for the murder.

Uncle Lewis: 00:20:51

Grace. My wife.

Micki: 00:20:55

She's beautiful.

Uncle Lewis: 00:20:59

I killed her. No, not directly. Not with my hands, but. But with my ambition, my greed for life. She stood in the way.

Maya: 00:21:16

We're all like, murdered. He's like, I murdered my wife. Not. Not with my hands, but with my ambition. It was Uncle Lewis in the secret room with the ambition.

Patrick: 00:21:24

He's going on my. As I killed him with my ambition and my desires for power and for greed. I'm like, okay, simmer down, Macbeth. Just come.

Maya: 00:21:34

The trees are moving.

Patrick: 00:21:38

The forest of Elsinore is Not coming for you. We're all good.

Trae: 00:21:40

Well, and wasn't there a window in that room outside?

Maya: 00:21:44

There was a window, but I didn't see a light source.

Patrick: 00:21:48

There were light sources. They were like Tiffany lamps. Because the door opens and apparently he was married to Ms. Havisham. Yeah. It's not even a room of antiques.

t's like a room from like the: 1910

Maya: 00:21:59

We're just gonna sit around. Yeah, exactly.

Trae: 00:22:02

And no one questions that her body's been there for at least five episodes. She's not.

Maya: 00:22:06

She's not rotting. She's not desiccated.

Patrick: 00:22:09

She's not really there or something. Whatever. I don't care.

Trae: 00:22:11

Whatever.

Patrick: 00:22:11

But it's this wonderful, like, gorgeous older woman.

Maya: 00:22:16

So Uncle Lewis makes the case that his wife, his dead wife, can only be at rest if he atones in the now. And he needs some help from our heroes. Yes, Micki and Ryan. And he says he needs an amulet from the vault that he can't get to downstairs.

Patrick: 00:22:30

Right. Because that vault is locked.

Ryan: 00:22:33

Why do you need us?

Uncle Lewis: 00:22:36

I need the amulet from the vault.

Micki: 00:22:39

What amulet?

Uncle Lewis: 00:22:40

The amulet of Zohar.

Ryan: 00:22:42

Look, you curse this stuff and now you want us to bring it up from the only place it's safe.

Uncle Lewis: 00:22:50

Her soul's table. The amulet will free it so she can find peace of mind. Just let me free Grace and I'll end the curse.

Micki: 00:23:04

Ryan, do you think I don't know. It's for his wife. Let's go.

Patrick: 00:23:10

Okay. What he needs is the amulet of Zohan. No.

Maya: 00:23:15

His name is Zoham.

Patrick: 00:23:17

No.

Maya: 00:23:18

Zohar.

Patrick: 00:23:19

No. You don't mess with the Zohan. Actually, you don't mess with the Zohar.

Maya: 00:23:23

Oh, that's something I haven't remembered existed in a while.

Patrick: 00:23:26

Oh, God, no. I worked on that movie. Oh, God. Three day nights.

Maya: 00:23:29

So sorry.

Patrick: 00:23:31

For a 15 second car chase.

Maya: 00:23:34

Oh, that's how I feel about all of my background work.

Trae: 00:23:39

But at one point, they're talking and someone says, let's tell Uncle Lewis. And I think Micki or someone says, you know, Jack would say to do this. And I'm like, no, Jack would not say to do this.

Patrick: 00:23:49

Kick your ass.

Maya: 00:23:52

But maybe Jack should have been Paying attention instead of pulling plums on people's boobs.

Trae: 00:23:56

Well, he wants to talk.

Patrick: 00:23:57

I'll walk you home. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

Maya: 00:24:00

Right, like you want a plum.

Trae: 00:24:03

Well, I think now we figured out an episode where Ryan isn't creepy to Micki. You got Jack being creepy to random women.

Maya: 00:24:09

Oh, the creepy has to exist somewhere. We can't not be creepy. That's an excellent point.

Trae: 00:24:13

Just passes from one to the other.

Patrick: 00:24:14

He's also still living in that 80s closet. I have to hit on these women so no one knows my secret.

Maya: 00:24:23

He wants to be seen hitting on women at a party so everyone knows.

Patrick: 00:24:26

Ah, you're right. Total heterosexual.

Maya: 00:24:29

Look how straight I am. These are boobs, right?

Patrick: 00:24:32

Yeah, Boobs. Oh, man, Jack, he needs them to get. Go and get this amulet. And meanwhile, Jack is being led all over town by this little girl.

Jack: 00:24:53

Listen, I think we better turn back.

Greta: 00:24:55

It's just down there.

Jack: 00:24:56

Really?

Greta: 00:24:57

Please.

Trae: 00:24:59

Okay.

Maya: 00:25:01

And he keeps going. All right, this is a trap. We walked far enough. And she's like, no, it's over there. And then Jack goes, okay, we're going in circles.

Jack: 00:25:10

Oh, this little trick or treat game of yours is over.

Greta: 00:25:14

Game?

Jack: 00:25:15

Yes, because I've gone as far as I'm going.

Greta: 00:25:18

We're nearly there.

Jack: 00:25:19

Oh, sure.

Greta: 00:25:21

Please come.

Patrick: 00:25:23

Yes, because this little girl apparently lives in a back alley.

Maya: 00:25:26

No, that back alley over there, not this one. And he even at one point, he's like, you've taken me in a circle. And she's like, no, it's just a little further. And he goes, okay, you know, Jack,.

Trae: 00:25:35

Between this and not getting rid of the spell, or casting the spell and thinking it's done, he's not very good at this.

Patrick: 00:25:40

And then leaving the store with the idiots.

Maya: 00:25:43

Yeah, he has the book smarts, but he's not actually any kind of authority.

Trae: 00:25:46

He's kind of like a huntress. Reverse hunteress.

Maya: 00:25:48

You stop that.

Trae: 00:25:50

He's reverse hunters.

Maya: 00:25:51

He has social Leave my Ramona flowers alone.

Patrick: 00:25:54

So he. Jack, walks into this back alley that this girl has gestured that she lives in.

I guess she's another one of that homeless youth that lady die didn't get. And as soon as he walks in, bars comes slamming down.

Maya: 00:26:11

Yeah. Like a trap gate, something turning it.

Patrick: 00:26:14

Into a big cage in there. Jack was just like, oh, yeah, I know this back alley. A good one. Looking for some back alley action. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, what happens to the little girl?

Maya: 00:26:38

She turns into a little person wearing.

Trae: 00:26:41

The same questionable outfit and a really weird hat.

Maya: 00:26:45

And a very strange hat.

Greta: 00:26:46

You pride yourself on Being clever. Yet you are humiliated by a feeble trick.

Patrick: 00:26:51

You are not the man I was prepared to overcome. This is where I was like, what just happened? The little girl just turned into an evil midget demon from hell.

Trae: 00:27:02

But they don't put any makeup on her. She's just a little person.

Maya: 00:27:05

They don't make her up as a demon. They don't give her creepy.

Patrick: 00:27:08

She has a name, but she's a.

Trae: 00:27:10

Little person, so therefore she's demonic.

Patrick: 00:27:12

Her name is Greta.

Maya: 00:27:15

Greta.

Patrick: 00:27:16

Greta the demon.

Maya: 00:27:18

Greta the demon, at least.

Trae: 00:27:20

Do you remember that movie Ghoulies?

Patrick: 00:27:23

Yes.

Trae: 00:27:24

Where they had little people at least they looked kind of demonic with them.

Patrick: 00:27:27

With what's her name in one of her first roles? Svu. Marisa Hargitay. Oh, yeah.

Trae: 00:27:33

Okay.

Patrick: 00:27:33

Yeah, yeah.

Trae: 00:27:35

Little person.

Patrick: 00:27:36

Apparently not proud of that one.

Maya: 00:27:38

Can't imagine why.

Patrick: 00:27:40

It's a bad movie. But we're not talking about that. But yes we can.

Trae: 00:27:43

But if you're a little person, you're going to be playing a demon at some point in your career.

Patrick: 00:27:45

You think you are so great and smart, but you fell from this obvious trap. Blah. Evil midget, blah, blah.

And she leaves them there and the whole thing is just to keep them separated so uncle Lewis can trick these I other idiots because he just needs them to give him.

Maya: 00:27:59

To give him the amulet.

Patrick: 00:28:02

His body had nothing to do with anything. I thought maybe had a laid on. No. Whatever.

Maya: 00:28:06

Well, that was a ruse. He was never going to use the not really there body of his dead wife.

He just needed the amulet so he could leave the house and then go find another body. Because the amulet's part of the satanic spell to put him in a new body.

Trae: 00:28:19

A really long spell.

Maya: 00:28:21

Really long spell that he's like memorized. He's not reading it from a book or anything. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So.

Patrick: 00:28:27

14 Hour spell.

Maya: 00:28:29

Our dum dum heroes give him the amulet and then he's not transparent anymore. But he still needs a body.

Jack: 00:28:35

No. Goodbye, dear friends, and thank you. I wish I could stay. Really I do. But I have something I must attend to before the night is out.

Patrick: 00:29:05

And now he's even hammier. You are calling for my ruse? Ha ha ha. And now I shall tell you my entire plan before I leave.

Maya: 00:29:17

I love a classic villain monologue. It's the best.

Patrick: 00:29:19

But this is what I don't understand. So you're not transparent anymore. So you have a body, but you don't have. I guess because it's Halloween.

Maya: 00:29:25

Yeah, this is what Halloween's all about, bruh.

Patrick: 00:29:27

And we have to find a body. And it doesn't matter what body. The only stipulation is that the body has to be dead. And it can't be dead from violence.

Micki: 00:29:35

It's about the amulet. It's an old English something about spirit needing to take over a body.

Ryan: 00:29:45

Like coming back to life. Uncle Lewis is coming back to life? Well, wait a minute. Does it say how we can stop him?

Micki: 00:29:50

No, it doesn't. I mean, it might. I don't know. I can't read it.

Ryan: 00:29:54

Well, how much can you read?

Micki: 00:29:56

He needs to get into a body and something about from a peaceful death.

Ryan: 00:30:05

All right, all right. That's something. That's something from a peaceful death. Not from. Not from what? Not from violence.

Micki: 00:30:11

It says not from violence.

Ryan: 00:30:12

Okay, so he's got to find a body. Where does he go to find a body?

Micki: 00:30:15

A cemetery? No, but the bodies are too old.

Ryan: 00:30:21

Mortuary. How about that?

Micki: 00:30:23

Nobody around.

Ryan: 00:30:24

Lots of dead bodies.

Micki: 00:30:24

That's it. It sounds perfect. All we got to do is find out which one he went to.

Patrick: 00:30:28

So it has to be natural.

Trae: 00:30:29

Cause who came up with these? Okay, whatever.

Maya: 00:30:32

Genius writers.

Patrick: 00:30:33

You got to have some rules, and that's a decent one. Apparently they can't find everybody. Everybody in this town has been murdered. It's been bad Halloween.

Uncle Lewis: 00:30:41

What is it? There's not one calm peaceful death here 2 Hours and 18 minutes till sunrise. Hurry.

Trae: 00:30:52

Well, and also, everyone knows exactly down to the minute what time sunrise is.

Maya: 00:30:57

Everyone knows. They checked it in the newspaper this morning.

Trae: 00:31:01

Uncle Lewis knows down to the minute when sunrise is.

Maya: 00:31:04

Okay, I would trust Uncle Lewis to actually know that because he's. He's the kind of idiot who would be like, oh, but in the farmer's almanac, it says blah, blah, blah. Like he's.

Patrick: 00:31:12

Uncle Lewis would know it because he needs to know it. Yeah. Jack, however, is like, I've got it right here. But of course, Jack knows everything about everything except. What do we need?

Maya: 00:31:20

We skipped over how demon little person Greta is the getaway driver for Uncle Luke.

Greta: 00:31:28

I was wondering, if you had a choice, would you choose to be a Man or a woman?

Uncle Lewis: 00:31:32

Oh, I'll choose to be alive, Greta. Nothing else matters.

Trae: 00:31:36

How does that happen?

Patrick: 00:31:37

Okay, because her demon legs just extend. Get down to the pedals. Or she's just driving with demon powers. Whatever. Lewis walls up. Micki and Ryan in the secret room said they can't get out.

Trae: 00:31:48

Or did he just close the door? Did he. Didn't he just, like, close the secret door?

Maya: 00:31:52

I mean, it was like a rotating wall. I don't think it was even a door proper.

Patrick: 00:31:56

It wasn't a door. It was just like. Yeah, it was just. He sealed it back. He opened up the secret seal, and now he's sealed them back up in the wall. They can't get out.

This was really annoying for me. It's just like one of those things. I'm like, what an awful man thing to do. Micki's banging on the door, yelling for help.

And he's like, mickey, shut up. You're giving me a headache. Well, he's just laying around, man.

Ryan: 00:32:19

Will you knock it off? There's nobody out there, and you're giving me a headache.

Micki: 00:32:23

We've done a fine job. Jack would be proud. And as for you, you're a great judge of people.

Ryan: 00:32:29

I wouldn't exactly call Uncle Lewis people. Besides, you fell for his phony line. Help me.

Micki: 00:32:35

Please help me. He set us up. He knew we'd have soft hearts and heads to match.

Ryan: 00:32:42

We just gave it to him.

Micki: 00:32:43

That's not what worries me. What I want to know is, what's he gonna use it for?

Ryan: 00:32:47

We gotta get out of here.

Micki: 00:32:50

How?

Patrick: 00:32:52

Do something, man. There's a bed productive. Somebody might hear something. No.

So meanwhile, Jack is trapped in his back alley, and all of a sudden, these two thugs find him.

: 00:33:05

What's this show? the bird man of Alcatraz?

: 00:33:09

If Id known about this i'd have brought some peanuts

Maya: 00:33:13

And they have their Halloween thug outfits on.

Patrick: 00:33:16

Well, one dress like Frankenstein kind of thing, and the other one was just kind of wearing a leather jacket with a tutu. I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

Maya: 00:33:23

Costume. It's a costume. Wardrobe says it's a costume.

Patrick: 00:33:26

I know what's happening. And for some reason, these two thugs are really intense on beating the shit out of Jack, even though he's in a cage.

Maya: 00:33:32

Yeah.

Trae: 00:33:32

You come by, see some guy in a cage, and you start mocking him.

Maya: 00:33:35

These guys are, no, give him a dollar. Give him a dollar, jackass.

Patrick: 00:33:39

And they're like, oh, who are you supposed to be? The Birdman of Alcatraz. Which is something that all thugs reference.

Maya: 00:33:45

I know, right?

Trae: 00:33:46

It's a random reference.

Patrick: 00:33:49

I would have gone with Tweety Bird.

Maya: 00:33:51

Tweety Bird is in the common vernacular.

Patrick: 00:33:54

Yeah, yeah, Birdman. Malcatraz is a stretch for these characters.

Maya: 00:33:57

Yeah, I agree.

Patrick: 00:33:59

But they're really content on beating the shit out of him. But they can get to him. So he's taunting them from behind the bars, like, ooh you can't get me.

You want to touch me, but you can't touch me. i'm getting back alley action. Cuz I'm Jake Marshak.

Maya: 00:34:16

He uses the power of reverse psychology. And they're like, we can't so get you.

: 00:34:21

Oh my God. Get the chains from the car.

: 00:34:23

Hey, you're wearing the wrong costume, man. Ah, you should have brought your bear suit.

Jack: 00:34:28

I've seen your type before. You're peasants, aren't you? All mouth and no action because you're too small where it counts.

: 00:34:37

You come out here. You come out here right now.

Jack: 00:34:39

Come on here and get me. Just as I thought, the two of you. You can't get through a simple thing like that. Run along home to mama, boys, before you get hurt.

: 00:34:52

Get the chain, Zed. Get it now

Patrick: 00:34:54

They're so committed that they go. Get a tow truck to wrap chains around the bars and pull him out.

Which led to the most awful line I've heard in anything in a long time. It actually felt bad for the actor for having to save his line.

Trae: 00:35:11

What was it?

Patrick: 00:35:12

Free as a bird, but not a turkey.

: 00:35:15

We got one bird out of its cage.

Jack: 00:35:17

Free as a bird, but no turkey.

Maya: 00:35:23

That was so bad.

Patrick: 00:35:25

Terrible.

Maya: 00:35:27

I can't even figure out what the joke is supposed to be. Not a turkey.

Patrick: 00:35:31

I'm free. I may be free as a bird, but I'm not a turkey. Boom. Smoke bomb. And he disappeared. And they were like.

Trae: 00:35:36

What happened to him?

Patrick: 00:35:37

What happened?

Maya: 00:35:38

Of course, he just flash powder on him. That's safe.

Patrick: 00:35:42

Magician. Like. He just went that way. He just went that way.

Trae: 00:35:45

So he's carrying flash powder with him. Just.

Patrick: 00:35:48

Okay, Jack.

Maya: 00:35:49

He was gonna hit on someone later with the flash powder. Yeah, okay.

Patrick: 00:35:55

The. The sun, sun rise clock. He's got everything and everything that he needs and so stupid. Subs. Stupid. So now I forget what happened. Oh, they got.

They get out of the room somehow. Somehow.

Trae: 00:36:09

It was pretty quick.

Patrick: 00:36:10

It doesn't really matter. They beat break through the wall. I think Micki figures. Micki figures it out. Thank you. Finds a hammer or something and breaks through the wall.

They get out and she finds a book.

Maya: 00:36:17

Oh, oh, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I forgot. He called the thugs peasants. That was so. That was so Jack. Oh, I've seen you before. Your presence.

Micki: 00:36:28

I've seen your type before. You're peasants, aren't you?

Maya: 00:36:32

Sorry, I wanted to. I wanted to say that.

Patrick: 00:36:34

Simmer down. You work in a store, okay? You work in a store. You're a shopkeeper. Okay, Simmer down.

Maya: 00:36:40

Simmer down. Now.

Patrick: 00:36:42

You can drop the attitude you're just working a shop.

Maya: 00:36:45

So Lewis makes it to a mortuary. He's looking for a body with the help of Greta the demon.

And like all the bodies, like you said, have been like shot, shot or stabbed because it's a very murdery Halloween.

Patrick: 00:36:57

However. Did you catch this? Did you catch this? They go to the mortuary and they're looking for bodies. Nothing has happened there.

They're just looking for bodies. Yet there's a bloody handprint on the wall for absolutely no reason. We've get several close ups of it. No one's been killed there.

Maya: 00:37:11

The orderlies are very bored.

Trae: 00:37:13

Was it Halloween decoration?

Maya: 00:37:15

Oh yeah. Maybe it was like those ones made out of gel that you stick around.

Patrick: 00:37:18

There's just one of one wall, actually. They do love to make jokes in the morgue.

I used to work at the classified section of a newspaper and every now and then they'd send me down to obituaries. And the only calls you would get would be from the funeral directors. And they would be so happy to be talking to someone, to someone who's.

Maya: 00:37:34

Not bereft, who's grieving.

Patrick: 00:37:36

Joke a minute. Funny, funny, funny. I'm like, these guys are great. Do you ever get a chance to party with a funeral director? It might sound creepy.

They're tons of fun. Oh my God.

Maya: 00:37:46

Yeah, yeah.

Trae: 00:37:48

And so Micki is reading through this book, Defiance, about the amulet, and she's like, it's old English. I can't read it.

Maya: 00:37:55

Okay, well read some of it. Can you read this part?

Patrick: 00:37:59

I studied Old English. It's not that hard.

Maya: 00:38:01

If you sound it out, it sounds like words.

Patrick: 00:38:04

Whan that aprile in her shoreah sote

Maya: 00:38:08

The drachts of march had perced to eh rote. L. Yeah, I know it too.

Ryan: 00:38:15

I think.

Patrick: 00:38:19

Yeah, it all looks weird, but when you sound it out, you're like, okay. Every now and then you get a word that doesn't make sense anymore. It's the lost its meaning. But for the most part if you just sound it out.

Because everything was spelled phonetically back then.

Maya: 00:38:28

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:38:29

There were no rules. So you can kind of figure it out. It's not that hard. So I'm like, this is really not that hard.

But then she does a really good job and basically she figures out that he needs a body before dawn. So they're.

Trae: 00:38:39

Oh, they leave a note for Jack.

Maya: 00:38:41

They do, they do. In Micki's big loopy handwriting.

Patrick: 00:38:46

Perfect handwriting. Stabbed to his. To a Halloween decoration. But you know what? It's going to get his attention. It's going to get his attention.

You walk in the door and see something stabbed or something. Be like, that might be.

Maya: 00:38:55

Oh, that must be important. I see it's been stabbed.

Trae: 00:38:58

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:38:59

What lovely penmanship. And so they find the one warg apparent, and they're chasing. And so he's found a body.

He's found a decent body, and they're doing the ceremony, and the ceremony is painful to watch. It's just wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy, wordy.

Uncle Lewis: 00:39:15

Pax vobiscus. Hear me, son of darkness. And the name of those who bleed and die in the quiet, waiting for the touch of the hand of evil.

Maya: 00:39:28

Reciting it all from memory.

So I guess he's been spending all his time in hell memorizing the spell because, like, he didn't have some magic book as a reference, and it's really long, and he has to for a teleprompter from hell.

Patrick: 00:39:40

A hell-a-prompter

Maya: 00:39:41

He's only holding up one of his arms, and it's creepy. And it looks very like heil Hitler. For a moment. It's very. And then, you know, once we get both arms and it's. Oh, you're doing some magic.

Fine, whatever.

Patrick: 00:39:51

The little demon is occasionally helping, and that just makes it worse.

Trae: 00:39:54

Okay, here's.

Patrick: 00:39:55

Oh, she's, like, throwing.

Maya: 00:39:59

She's, like, throwing her magic. Like, she repeatedly throws nothing, and then it affects things.

Trae: 00:40:04

Yeah, and so Micki and Ryan show up, and the midget all of a sudden.

Patrick: 00:40:10

Now.

Trae: 00:40:10

Now decides to use some really nice powers that she could have used on Jack earlier.

Patrick: 00:40:15

Well, first they have to break up the ceremony, and Micki's like, hold on, I got this.

Ryan: 00:40:20

What do we do?

Micki: 00:40:21

Who was that with him?

Ryan: 00:40:22

I don't know, but if she's one of him, I don't want anything to do with her.

Micki: 00:40:26

Fine. Listen, do you think if we can get the amulet back, that he'll go back to being a ghost?

Ryan: 00:40:32

Ghost? Without the amulet, all he can do is scare us. Well, listen, do you think you can get close to him? I think so.

If he doesn't move, I can go hide behind those boxes, maybe distract him. Okay, what about the dwarf? She could warn him.

Micki: 00:40:50

Not if I get her out of there.

Ryan: 00:40:51

How can you do that?

Micki: 00:40:53

Look, you just worry about the amulet. Don't do anything stupid.

Patrick: 00:41:00

Remember what a big plan is. Open the door. Hey.

Trae: 00:41:03

Oops, wrong room.

Patrick: 00:41:05

Oh, sorry.

Uncle Lewis: 00:41:06

Race down with thy hand and touch this foul and stinking awful. Raise it up and make it move.

Micki: 00:41:14

Oh, sorry.

Maya: 00:41:20

Oh, sorry about that.

Patrick: 00:41:22

That was the main plan.

Trae: 00:41:23

I walked Away.

Maya: 00:41:24

Good job, Micki. Yeah, you and your hair are doing such a good job.

Patrick: 00:41:29

But it worked. It worked. So. So Greta the demon is after her, and they do this, like, ridiculous slapstick.

Maya: 00:41:38

Oh, my God. I know.

Patrick: 00:41:39

Around that big block thing. It's like something out of a cartoon. Like, all you needed was, like, Micki's hair is, like, towering.

Maya: 00:41:52

We can't hide behind with her hair.

Patrick: 00:41:55

It's, like, big and wide, like, where everything that she hid behind was, like, hair and hair. You cannot hide this woman. You can't hide from anybody. Don't even try. So Greta finally catches her and goes, full vita call back to episode one.

She goes, oh, yeah. Can you think of another gesture? Can you think that's not better? All you needed hell is put your hands in the. Put your hands in the air. Go.

Put your hands in the air. Goes.

Trae: 00:42:24

And then Micki just, like, gets mesmerized. Yeah.

Patrick: 00:42:27

Her eyes roll back, and she starts levitating.

Maya: 00:42:30

Yeah, we go full levitate. That's fun.

Trae: 00:42:32

And why didn't she do that earlier?

Patrick: 00:42:35

How did she get Ryan? I don't remember.

Trae: 00:42:37

No, Ryan comes in, and she does the same thing. She, like, stops him, and she's like, come with me. And he just starts.

Maya: 00:42:42

And then he's like, okay, Doop, doop, doop, doop. I've been cheated.

Patrick: 00:42:46

Okay. So she winds up putting them in.

Maya: 00:42:48

Coffins, which have these really convenient little snap closures on the sides.

Patrick: 00:42:53

Well, actually, they would, given where they're going. You wouldn't need anything fancy. Nope.

Trae: 00:42:58

But would you need to snap it shut?

Patrick: 00:43:00

Because the whole plan. Greta goes and starts the cremator. Cremator. The crematory starts like flames, sets the timer for the fire, and leaves. I'm going, okay.

The two coffins are on rollers, but those rollers are not automated. They're not going anywhere yet to push them in.

Maya: 00:43:20

The show is trying to imply that the rollers are moving very slowly, but it's obvious that they're not automated.

Patrick: 00:43:27

Automated at all. She just needed to push them in, and it'll be done.

Trae: 00:43:31

Coffins like plywood.

Maya: 00:43:33

But if it's a crematory, then that's the cheapest coffin you can get, because you're going to burn it anyway.

Patrick: 00:43:38

Yeah.

Trae: 00:43:38

So they couldn't bust out of it. It's running like the ending of a Batman episode where they're in danger. You have to come.

Maya: 00:43:43

No, that's Kill Bill, where she punches her way out of the coffin. But it's a lot of punching for a very trained person because it's very hard to get the momentum you'd need to break out of that.

If you had the flexibility to get your legs up on top of your torso, you could break it with your legs.

Trae: 00:43:58

Okay.

Maya: 00:43:59

I don't think Ryan's gonna figure that out.

Patrick: 00:44:00

You know, several hundred pounds of dirt on top of it as well. That never got really.

Maya: 00:44:05

Okay. Beatrix Kiddo is magic, and we're not gonna question that. Micki and Ryan are not magic and don't break out of shit. Nope, nope.

Patrick: 00:44:15

No. Jack comes in and has to rescue them from the danger that they're completely not in.

Trae: 00:44:18

Okay, I want to talk about Micki. When Jack rescues her, her face she's making is just okay.

Maya: 00:44:25

But then we have to hit one of my least favorite tropes where Jack is trying to talk to her, and she's d. She's not making any sense. So he slaps her, and then she's like, oh, my God, Jack.

Patrick: 00:44:34

And I'm like, hey, snap out of it, Micki.

Maya: 00:44:39

Jack, you TV show.

Patrick: 00:44:42

I would even that. But I'm like, then slap Ryan when he comes out. Ryan.

Maya: 00:44:45

Also slap Ryan too.

Patrick: 00:44:47

That's what I want to see. Slap. Don't be slapping Micki. Slap Ryan.

Maya: 00:44:50

I'd be fine with equal slaps, but definitely the trope of slapping women to bring us to our senses is not ideal.

Patrick: 00:44:57

Yeah, true.

Trae: 00:44:59

But the face she made right before.

Patrick: 00:45:00

The ceremony, which has to be done by dawn, is literally 17 hours long.

Jack: 00:45:06

Sacrifices on my quest. I offer thee this image of thee so that there might be in the world once again an adoring acolyte to seek out and do thy bidding.

Belial, live thy leathern wing, that I may feast at thy side and bring to this thing before me the essence of my life. Filling thee with joy and pursuit and conquest in the hunt for the hearts and minds of men.

Maya: 00:45:39

This is taking forever. Rambling. And they're sticking their hands up in the air and help me with this transition.

Patrick: 00:45:47

Body parts that are going to be living again. He's like, the lungs breathe in, the heart pumps and the bowels churn.

Jack: 00:45:54

Let the eyes shine and the heart pound and the bowels churn for thy glory.

Patrick: 00:46:01

And I'm like, my bowels are churning. Would you.

Maya: 00:46:03

And the shin bones connected to the knee bone and the knee bones connected to the thigh bone.

Trae: 00:46:09

All this action is happening, and he's still in that room doing the same spell. And then tell about how the midget died.

Maya: 00:46:16

Oh, but wait. Jack says the magic. The plan to stop them because they're none of them. Are powerful enough to prevent Uncle Lewis or they're.

None of them are powerful enough to kill Uncle Lewis in whatever state he's in. The plan is just what they were trying to do all along. Delay it until sunrise.

Trae: 00:46:31

Right.

Micki: 00:46:32

Lewis has started the spell and if he finishes up, then we're going to find ourselves in the middle of a living nightmare.

Ryan: 00:46:38

How can we stop him, Jack?

Micki: 00:46:40

We can't stop that amulet as far as too strong. All we can do is slow him down. If he hasn't completed the spell by the time it's dawn, it'll fail.

Maya: 00:46:46

Dawn? But that was. What time is sunrise?

Micki: 00:46:49

5:48. He's got eight minutes to come. Well, it's a long shot, but I think that if I can slow him down enough. If you two can distract the demon.

Maya: 00:46:57

Demon?

Micki: 00:46:57

Yes, the midget. She's really a demon.

Patrick: 00:47:00

Pull a lady die on him round the clock.

Maya: 00:47:03

But, like, that's already what they were trying to do. Where's all your esoteric knowledge, Jack?

Trae: 00:47:08

He's useless.

Patrick: 00:47:09

Useless with a book. He had a book. He's like, I'm reading some other spell that really doesn't have anything to do with anything. But I'm gonna read it anyway.

Maya: 00:47:15

Maybe I'll use it next episode. Thanks.

Trae: 00:47:16

But what cracked me up though, is that the midget is literally throwing chairs at them. She's got magic. Wasn't she? Mesmerize them again?

Maya: 00:47:26

Maybe.

Patrick: 00:47:27

I don't know how she died. She was like running across the room out of it and then she tripped.

Maya: 00:47:30

She trips and stabs herself. She rolls over and there's a knife.

Patrick: 00:47:33

From somewhere previous to this. No, she.

Trae: 00:47:36

She runs. There's like a little like a med kit on the floor and she literally just like her foot touches it and she topples over and she turns over.

They turn over and she's got a knife in her.

Patrick: 00:47:45

It's. Nobody gave a. But what was Great, great. Well, she stabbed and she dies. And apparently demons explode.

Maya: 00:47:57

Explode and leave behind a sparkly headband.

Patrick: 00:48:00

Yep. What was that about? Well, it's your prize for giving.

Maya: 00:48:05

Like in a video game. You killed them. They dropped the psycho. Yay.

Patrick: 00:48:10

Inside. Every demon is a toy surprise because.

Maya: 00:48:14

We're in Canada, where you can get the real kind of eggs.

Patrick: 00:48:17

Yeah, but no, not only does she explain, they don't explode in flames. It's literally the same, like, magician, like David Copperfield was gonna come out.

Maya: 00:48:26

Wasn't there glitter? I think I saw glitter. All right, so that problem solved.

Patrick: 00:48:31

Hold on, hold on. Okay, Jack, Jack, Jack. And Uncle Lewis Are having a confrontation.

Trae: 00:48:37

Oh, they're having a lover's spat.

Patrick: 00:48:39

They're having a lover's spat.

Jack: 00:48:41

I've been waiting for you, Jack Lewis.

Micki: 00:48:44

You've had your time. You've made your choice. God help you. And now you must abide by that choice.

Jack: 00:48:51

It wasn't fair, Jack. I didn't know. If I had known, I wouldn't have done it. Jack. They say that nothing is forever down there. You die forever down there.

Over and over and over. I have no time for you.

Micki: 00:49:14

Yes, Lewis. You can't waste the time to kill me. Listen to the word. There was in that time. Darkness on the face of the earth. And all things did fear.

Patrick: 00:49:37

Stop it, Jack.

Micki: 00:49:38

For in the darkness you straight to hell.

Patrick: 00:49:42

And I gave it. When Uncle L is like, I'm going to. I'm going to burn you with fire. I can't.

Maya: 00:49:48

Yeah. He throws a fireball and it whiffs like it. They don't explain it. It seems to hit Jack, but nothing happens.

And then Jack is reading out of his book and making the horns too much.

Patrick: 00:49:56

Jack. Oh, yeah.

Trae: 00:49:59

They wanted.

Patrick: 00:50:00

I wish I could quit you, Jack Marshall.

Maya: 00:50:03

No one's gonna unless you get into your body. So.

Patrick: 00:50:06

Huh? Oh, no. You had your chance. You had your chance. You had your chance. You had a chance. Get to stepping. Get to stepping.

Then they eventually run out the clock. Yep.

Jack: 00:50:18

And thus it shall be. And thus it is. You will be silent forever, Jack. And you too.

Patrick: 00:50:25

You can join him in hell and burn for all time.

Micki: 00:50:29

It's too late. The sunrise.

Jack: 00:50:32

The sun hasn't yet looked, but still two minutes on the clock.

Maya: 00:50:36

The clock has stopped.

Micki: 00:50:38

They stopped the clock blowers. I'll say this. The man can make an exit.

Patrick: 00:50:55

Somehow they set all the clocks back. I don't know how that happened.

Maya: 00:50:59

Paused off screen at some point earlier.

Trae: 00:51:02

I thought someone unplugged it or something. I wasn't sure.

Patrick: 00:51:05

I do remember something happened with the where the demon threw fireball or something. It's something. And something short circuited. But it was so. It was like 10 minutes before I missed it. Whatever. He's defeated. Yep.

Trae: 00:51:19

And he just disappears and he disappears.

Maya: 00:51:22

He looks like he's being erased in Photoshop.

Trae: 00:51:24

Yeah.

Patrick: 00:51:25

You know what? That man always did know how to make an exit. Yeah, that's what Jack says. Nobody pulled out like Uncle Lewis.

Oh, there'd be pop glitter and you get into a surprise.

Trae: 00:51:37

Yeah. How come he doesn't leave behind her sparkly headband when he goes?

Patrick: 00:51:42

Well, he's not a demon, okay? He's a pain in my ass. So then we have the, you know, the cutesy boo tag scene where we have to quip at each other like nothing happened.

Trae: 00:51:53

Well, they have to give backstory.

Maya: 00:51:55

Yeah, they have to get backstory. Micki asked Jack, hey, was any of it true about his wife? And Jack's like, some of it. And then he's like, I knew her.

I knew slightly too much about her. And Micki's like, how well did you know her? And then he's like, not as well as I would have liked to.

And the last note I have is, were you fucking Grace, question mark? Question mark? How much of that story about Grace was true?

Micki: 00:52:18

Oh, some of it. He was married, and his wife was called Grace. She's not in there. She never was. She died, and she was buried, and we all lost a great friend.

She was a wonderful woman, Micki. Beautiful, like. Like a sunrise. She had the kind of beauty that shone out of her like a beacon. She. What?

Ryan: 00:52:54

No, no, no. Please, go on. Just how well did you know Grace?

Micki: 00:53:00

Better than I ought to have, perhaps. But not as much as I would have dearly wished.

Maya: 00:53:09

I hope somebody talks about me that way.

Trae: 00:53:12

Or he just wanted to.

Maya: 00:53:13

Or he wanted to, maybe.

Patrick: 00:53:15

I loved her outfits, and I loved her hair. Choose my. They used to watch Sex in the City together.

Maya: 00:53:21

Oh, yeah. Drink Cosmos.

Patrick: 00:53:23

Yeah. But no, he's going on, and she was a wonderful woman. She was beautiful, of spirit and kind of heart. And I'm thinking, so much better than Birdie.

So much better than Bertie.

Maya: 00:53:33

Got a raw deal.

Trae: 00:53:35

Well, she didn't end up with Jack. So she's like, did you see her?

Patrick: 00:53:37

Did you see Bertie? Even dead,.

Trae: 00:53:42

All the. They're trying really hard to prove to us that Jack's a heterosexual man.

Maya: 00:53:46

It's just not working every time.

Patrick: 00:53:50

Yeah, I know. Well, his girlfriend's coming later. I know that much.

Trae: 00:53:54

Well, when does Ryan start getting girlfriends? Because I remember Ryan starts getting girlfriends, they die.

Patrick: 00:53:58

Yeah. Yeah, they all do. And I looked ahead. Maya, Lloyd's coming back. No, Lloyd's coming back in a few episodes.

Trae: 00:54:06

All right, wait, which one's Lloyd?

Patrick: 00:54:09

Yeah, Fiance Lloyd, who is.

Trae: 00:54:11

Oh, okay, good, good, good, good. We need to wrap that storyline up.

Patrick: 00:54:15

But the thing is, they're like, well, this is great. Now, we. It's great that we finally defeated this because now we can relax, and Uncle Jack's like, jackson, no, you can't.

In two weeks, It's Friday the 13th.

Ryan: 00:54:31

All I want to do is rest, enjoy the fact that we don't have to go through this. Again. Until next year.

Micki: 00:54:37

Don't be too sure, do we? Weeks from now, it'll be Friday the 13th.

Patrick: 00:54:42

Fun fact, Maya. You wouldn't know this. The last episode which never got made. Allegedly the artifact they were supposed to be after, cursed hockey mask.

Maya: 00:54:53

No.

Trae: 00:54:54

That would have been fun.

Maya: 00:54:55

That would have been fun.

Patrick: 00:54:57

Yeah. Never happened. Never happened. But that's. That's what Frank Mancuso says. It was like that was all written together. But didn't. Was never made.

Yeah, probably would have been terrible because let's just say Ryan's replacement is even worse than his.

Maya: 00:55:15

Oh, okay.

Patrick: 00:55:17

Yeah.

Maya: 00:55:18

Myself.

Patrick: 00:55:18

That's Halloween.

Trae: 00:55:19

Oh, it's a ways away.

Patrick: 00:55:21

Yeah, that was Halloween, man.

Trae: 00:55:26

Not a lot of hell. A lot of Wayne talk about put her through hell.

Maya: 00:55:32

They talk about hell a lot. They're like, in hell, you die over and over.

Patrick: 00:55:36

Okay, it sucks. And they make you wear ascots.

Maya: 00:55:39

They make you wear ascots and poorly fit pants.

Trae: 00:55:43

But. So he comes back from hell.

Patrick: 00:55:46

There's no wardrobe assistant now, so he's.

Maya: 00:55:50

Invited into the Crystal ball. He says, fuck the crystal ball. Shows up in the building, turn solid. Still needs a body.

Patrick: 00:56:00

You know, those kids that we're never going to see again are going to be so much trouble. Those best friends, never gonna see him again.

Maya: 00:56:07

Well, that's why we don't see them again. We have. We have canceled them because they violated our boundaries.

Patrick: 00:56:12

You know what? We feel bad about yelling at you, about breaking the basement. Here, have this. It's a token of our esteem. But I just got this.

Trae: 00:56:22

Uncle Lewis is in hell, like, no one likes him, and the midget is, like, his only friend.

Patrick: 00:56:27

Oh, Ryan.

Maya: 00:56:29

Bloody demons.

Patrick: 00:56:30

Nikki. Nice people don't go to hell. So nice people don't come back from hell. What are you thinking?

Maya: 00:56:38

No, but he made. He made one mistake, and he feels bad now.

Trae: 00:56:42

And they've only spent four episodes helping out, so that's all. Just four episodes at this point.

Patrick: 00:56:48

How many bodies have you buried at this point? How many people have you put in the ground at this point? How many times have you almost died at this point?

Trae: 00:56:55

But he's really sorry.

Maya: 00:56:56

He's really sorry.

Trae: 00:56:59

He's sorry.

Maya: 00:57:00

Oh, he's. He's. He's not sorry because he's. He's freaking Foghorn Leghorn up in here.

Patrick: 00:57:05

Yeah. Yeah. But I was very happy that Micki almost said, damn you, Uncle.

Maya: 00:57:09

Damn you, Uncle Lewis.

Patrick: 00:57:14

She said the other. She said, uncle Lewis, damn you.

Maya: 00:57:17

Yes, it was. It was so close. It was so close. I was so proud.

Patrick: 00:57:21

But I took it as an Opportunity to drink. Anyway, so do we know what's up next? No.

Maya: 00:57:27

Well, I certainly don't, but I never do.

Patrick: 00:57:29

There's one called My Wife as a Dog. That's way later.

Trae: 00:57:32

What an episode.

Patrick: 00:57:34

I don't remember that one at all.

Maya: 00:57:35

That sounds like a made for Disney movie from the 90s.

Patrick: 00:57:38

It really does, I think. What? Didn't Polysora star in that?

Trae: 00:57:43

They did the Shaggy Da.

Patrick: 00:57:45

The next one. Oh. Is the Great Montaro, which is about magic.

Trae: 00:57:50

Okay.

Maya: 00:57:50

Oh, is Jack gonna do more plum tricks? I don't want to watch.

Patrick: 00:57:53

That sounds like it.

Because in order to find out who is using a set of deadly magician boxes, Jack enters a magician a magic competition under his old alias, Mad Marshack.

Maya: 00:58:04

Oh, no. All right, all right.

Patrick: 00:58:09

Lots of accents, costumes, boob jokes.

Maya: 00:58:13

There better be more flash powder. Flash powder or I'm out.

Patrick: 00:58:17

Or glittery headpants.

Maya: 00:58:18

Glittery headbands.

Patrick: 00:58:20

Okay, I think that's going to wrap it up. So, Maya, what's going on with you? Anything to report?

Maya: 00:58:24

No.

Patrick: 00:58:27

Awesome. Me neither.

Trae: 00:58:34

That's three of us.

Patrick: 00:58:37

See, that's what happens. We are so dedicated to the cause,.

Trae: 00:58:42

We don't do anything but watch Friday the 13th.

Maya: 00:58:43

It takes a lot of time for me to recover from having seen these episodes, and that just eats my whole schedule.

Patrick: 00:58:48

You know, this episode was actually a lot more fun to talk about than it was to watch.

Maya: 00:58:54

Yes, it was.

Trae: 00:58:55

I took a lot of notes. This was.

Maya: 00:58:57

I only took one page of notes.

Patrick: 00:58:58

What do you want, a metal tray? Yeah, I do. What do you want, a glittery headband?

Trae: 00:59:02

I want a good star.

Patrick: 00:59:04

You can have a plum. It's been in my bra for a really long time, so it's a prune.

Maya: 00:59:07

You don't need anything else in there, Patrick. Okay,.

Patrick: 00:59:13

But I want them in there for a snack for later. Okay? Don't deny me my snacks. Don't deny me my bro.

Trae: 00:59:19

I wanted to be in the writers room when they're coming up with this show, because I can see they've got Jack stuck in a cage. Like, how are we gonna get him out?

Patrick: 00:59:27

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. You know what this means? Evil magic. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Trae: 00:59:40

And then two rednecks break them out.

Maya: 00:59:43

Peasants.

Trae: 00:59:44

Peasants.

Patrick: 00:59:46

Scary tutu.

Trae: 00:59:49

And they got a chain and a pickup truck because they really want to kick this old guy's ass.

Maya: 00:59:55

That's what Halloween's about, bruh.

Patrick: 00:59:57

Oh, did they want to kick it or did they want to lick it? All right, we're going to wrap up.

Maya: 01:00:01

On that note, I wish the audio could pick up half the faces I make.

Trae: 01:00:08

I wonder what an important version of the show would be like.

Maya: 01:00:11

It would be the same.

Patrick: 01:00:13

You know what? It's probably out there.

Maya: 01:00:14

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's probably out there somewhere, right?

Patrick: 01:00:18

Backing down. Never mind. I don't know. I think we talked about this. This dildo once belonged to Jack the Ripper.

Trae: 01:00:27

What was it? Is it.

Patrick: 01:00:28

This is the butt plug of the creature Borgia.

Trae: 01:00:34

No, wait. The bloody tampon of Elizabeth Bathory.

Maya: 01:00:37

Oh, no.

Trae: 01:00:39

Jeffrey Dahmer's cockering.

Patrick: 01:00:42

Okay, you're canceled. Trey is canceled. You are canceled. The show is over. All right, thank you, Maya, for joining me again. Thank you, Trey, for joining me again as well.

You're both fabulous. But I think the three of us have got one thing to say before we go. And that would be.