00:00:18 Hello listeners

00:01:31 Let’s begin by asking, what is empathy, anyway?

00:11:49 Summary

The Power of E.Q.: Social Intelligence, Reading People, and How to Navigate Any Situation By: Patrick King

Your success in life will depend on how good you are with people. Sorry, that's the harsh truth.

But the good news is that this is a trainable skill - and this book is an amazing start.

Make a smashing first impression and make people crave your presence.

The Power of E.Q. is as practical as a book can be. You will get techniques to use immediately on the people around you, and you will suddenly realize how much you have been missing! You will gain a deep understanding of emotional intelligence and the small signs behind what people are thinking and feeling. Imagine how much more easily you could make friends or befriend business partners if you could analyze them better.

Read and analyze people with such stunning accuracy that they will be shocked.

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real-life experience.

Find the shortcuts to connecting with people in record time.conversational intelligence and how to empathize in 4 stepshow to step outside of your own perspective and read the emotions of otherscold reading and being an expert at finding "clues" about peopleunderstanding emotions and how to label yourself and othershow high-quality questions will make you seem like a mind reader

Gain a deeper understanding of human nature.

Ever feel like you're stuck in a communication rut with someone, or maybe conflict just seems to keep repeating itself?

Hello listeners, welcome to Social Skills Coaching, where you become more likable, more charismatic, and more productive.

Today is April 2nd, 2026.

Today's featured book from Patrick King is The Power of EQ.

Social intelligence, reading people, and how to navigate any situation.

Today we're talking about EQ and perspective.

We're going to explore the concept of empathy, which is the ability to truly understand another person's feelings by stepping into their shoes.

To do this, we're going to introduce you to NLP's powerful perceptual positions exercise.

In this exercise, we're attempting to shift our perspective from our own point of view to that of another person and finally to a neutral observer perspective.

So get ready to expand your emotional intelligence and unlock the transformative power of empathy.

Let’s begin by asking, what is empathy, anyway?

One dictionary definition says that empathy is “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.”

14 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,960 A key word there is imagining.

The big idea is that if you can look at something from someone else’s point of view, then you can conceive of how they must feel and what they might be thinking.

This cannot be done, however, if we do not possess the imagination needed to think outside of our own perceptual limitations and look into someone else’s world.

The idea of perceptual positions comes from NLP, or neuro-linguistic programming.

It’s a framework that not only helps us improve our communication, it can also give us the tools to navigate conflict and work through difficult situations so that you come out on top.

In this model, it’s possible for a person to look at any interaction through three different lenses, called first, second, and third perceptual positions.

First position is your own viewpoint.

The most natural and obvious position to inhabit, this is the place where you are in touch with and aware of your own thoughts and feelings.

However, it can be a limited position, especially if you are unable to ever leave it.

Second position is the other person’s viewpoint.

That is, “walking in their shoes.” In this position, you are not trying to look at another person’s world as you would see it, but as they would see it.

You try to put yourself into their perception to better understand their thoughts and feelings from the inside, rather than from first position.

This is not quite the same as mind reading (or being a so-called “empath”), but it is expanding your field of awareness and perception to include the possibility of a different perspective from your own.

Third position is the neutral, detached observer’s viewpoint.

When you occupy this position, you are seeing both yourself and the other person from a third perspective.

You can think of this as a bystander or an uninvolved journalist type who is seeing the facts as they are, without any personal investment either way.

This broader view also lets you see the interaction as a whole, and perhaps part of a bigger system, and not merely one person’s view versus the other’s.

In looking at this zoomed-out perspective, you may see cause-and-effect relationships that are otherwise hidden.

So, what is the point in knowing about these three different perceptual positions?

From the NLP point of view, this framework is about obtaining additional information.

Getting to see different aspects on a difficult situation can bring you closer to resolving it or finding creative solutions.

By understanding that perception is not reality, and that other people are inhabiting perceptions that are completely different from yours, you get a 360-degree view on a situation that you might have missed if you insisted on clinging to your own, narrower version of events.

If you or someone else is consistently trapped in their own first position and all the stories and associations that go with it, it’s a recipe for the same dynamics to play out again and again.

That said, you’d be mistaken for thinking that the third position is the better one, and the first the worst.

Each of the positions has their advantages and disadvantages.

Stay in first position too long and you risk becoming narcissistic, self-absorbed, stuck on your victimhood, focused on narrow issues and ways of looking at problems, stubborn, or unable to find creative solutions.

Stay in second position too long and you risk becoming a martyr or doormat, always thinking of others while sacrificing your own self-knowledge or boundaries.

Stay in third position too long and you risk becoming detached, unemotional, cold, and overly rational—as though you were inhabiting God’s perspective and looking down without much empathy.

The real wisdom comes in your ability to skillfully shift between all three.

A real-world example can help us see how perceptual position switching can improve communication and even resolve conflict.

Imagine that there is someone at work that you are developing quite a difficult relationship with.

His name is Mike, and although he gets on well with others, you are finding yourself at odds with him more and more.

Mike is older than you by two decades, but he is also your subordinate.

He has been working for the company for more than seven years, whereas you were hired last quarter.

The problem, as far as you can see it, is that Mike is extremely resistant to taking onboard any feedback you give him.

Not only does he seem to ignore what you say, but he actually pushes back against it, causing some embarrassment for you and once or twice holding up team projects.

Things came to a head when he insinuated that although you were qualified, you were not actually experienced, and that he felt unable to follow your leadership.

The matter has been referred to HR, where you are dismayed to discover that Mike considers you something of a bully.

What on earth has gone wrong?

Let’s try to move through all perceptual positions to get a broader view on the situation and seek out any information we might have missed by too firmly occupying our own first position.

You take out three sheets of paper, one for each position.

On the first, you fully outline your first position and try to carefully unpack your thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of the problem.

You realize you’re feeling attacked and undermined, and you’re confused and hurt that Mike hasn’t spoken personally to you but gone to HR.

If you’re honest, you are also frustrated by his stubbornness and quietly wondering whether his age has made him inflexible.

Once you’ve fully understood your own position (don’t underestimate this step—sometimes we aren’t in fact clear on what we think or feel and need to slow down and clarify it for ourselves!

), then move to second position.

What does Mike think and feel, from his point of view?

Mike has worked for the company for a long time and has done well and is well-liked.

Then a new manager, whom he doesn’t like, comes in, and he probably feels a little threatened.

Don’t just make this an intellectual exercise—use all your five senses to try to imagine what it would be like to be Mike.

Can you see, feel, hear, taste what he does?

Try to look at yourself through his eyes.

What do you see?

Maybe when you do this, you realize you probably do come across as quite arrogant and unwilling to acknowledge his age and experience.

For the third sheet of paper, you zoom out even further and try to see both of you, at work, in this situation.

Something shifts into place, and you can suddenly see it more clearly.

Mike is insulted to be managed by someone so young, and you are desperate to prove to Mike that you know your stuff and won’t be underestimated.

You can suddenly see why this combination has been so explosive!

You have been attempting to prove yourself by being firm and confident, but this is only perceived by Mike as haughty, unearned arrogance.

You’ve both been caught in a power struggle and a reinforcing loop.

It’s only in coming far out of either Mike’s position or yours that you can see the bigger picture.

To finish, you might come back to your own position again and ask how your own feelings and thoughts have changed.

• What have you learned that you didn’t know before?

• What can you find more empathy and understanding for?

• Where exactly is the source of misunderstanding or lack of harmony?

• What new solutions or ways forward does this understanding suggest?

• What information do you still need to understand?

• What false assumptions, biases, and blind spots are you able to let go of?

• How might you like to change the way you communicate with this person moving forward?

After completing this exercise, you realize that the more you double down and insist that Mike obey you, the more resistant he is likely to be.

Mike is not a difficult person, per se; he is just coming at things from a very different perspective.

Once you understand that perspective, you’re better able to talk with him so that he will hear.

If you ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were Mike right now?

What would I want?” then you are able to see that Mike might be feeling unappreciated or even disrespected (hence the “bully” accusation!).

You would do better to consciously acknowledge his experience and expertise and try out letting him self-direct more than you would younger employees.

“Hey, Mike, you were here five years ago when they did the merger, right?

Maybe you could compile a quick page summary to get the rest of us in the loop?

You probably know what needs to be included, so I’ll leave the details to you.”

93 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,440 Summary:

95 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:56,120 • Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation, and being able to occupy their perceptual position/perspective.

In NLP’s “perceptual positions” exercise, first position is your own point of view, second position is another person’s, and third position concerns the view of you both from a third, neutral observer perspective.

• By switching between these positions, you gain more insight, understanding, and empathy, and find solutions to problems.

No position is best, but wisdom comes from being able to skillfully shift between all three.

And that's the power of stepping outside your own experience.

By embracing those different perspectives, by truly trying to understand where others are coming from, we unlock a world of deeper connection and more effective solutions.

Remember, no single viewpoint has all the answers.

It's in the dance between positions, the constant shifting and understanding that true wisdom resides.

As Maya Angelou said, if you don't like something, change it.

If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Let empathy be the fuel for that change, the bridge that connects us all.

Thanks for joining us.