Procrastinating

In today's episode of MaryLayo Talks, I’m with guest, Edward Hagan who shares about his journey with procrastination and overcoming the challenges.

The conversation and questions include:

• How would you describe procrastination?
• When did you realise procrastination was a problem?
• How did procrastination affect your wellbeing?
• Procrastinating as a child.
• Procrastinating as a student at university.
• Procrastinating at work.
• People pleasing, perfectionism and building confidence.
• What helped you to change and stop procrastinating?
• Tips on how to stop procrastinating.
• How faith and relationship with God played a role in overcoming procrastination.
• Bible verses for procrastination to support spiritual wellbeing.

Take a moment. Delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' and listen in to the conversation.

MaryLayo's spiritual wellbeing tip: Meditate on the bible scriptures Proverbs 23:7 and Philippians 4:6-7.

Related resources: Check out podcast Episode 10: Still Procrastinating?

Connect with MaryLayo:

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For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.

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Marylayo:

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Marylayo: Welcome to Marylayo Talks, a

podcast that discusses mental health and

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spiritual.

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Wellbeing, before we jump in, there may be

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episodes that are particularly sensitive for

some listeners and if that applies, then I

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hope you'll be able to join me whenever you

feel ready and able.

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Marylayo: You today's episode is with guest

Edward Hagan.

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Edward describes his experience with

Procrastination, which is our topic today, and

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explains how marriage played a part in his

turnaround from procrastinating.

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Marylayo: Let's go and check to him.

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Edward: Well, for me, procrastination, the

biggest example that I had of when I really

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struggled with it was when I was at university

and maybe I'd had to write an essay and I'd

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sit in the library for about an hour not

starting the essay.

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And I think procrastination is you have to do

something.

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You've got a timeline to do it, but you don't

want to be restricted by that timeline.

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You don't want to be controlled by set of

circumstances.

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You want to control it yourself.

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And if it's something that's natural and good

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and enjoyable, then you won't procrastinate,

you'll just go and do it.

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But if it's something that seems to be a task,

like making a phone call to the bank or to

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HMRC, then that is more easy to procrastinate.

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So I would describe procrastination as delayed

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response to something urgent or important.

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Marylayo: And I guess the difference from what

you've said is the fact that you don't want to

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do it for a particular reason because maybe

it's stressful or overwhelming or difficult

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and that's why you're avoiding doing it.

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Edward: Yes, that's very good, Mary. Because

that kind of leads me on to really why maybe

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some people procrastinate is that we're

concerned about the outcome of a task and our

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ability to do the task in the way someone else

or society thinks it should be done, which is

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a little bit deep.

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Marylayo: I would probably even add how not

even just someone else, but even yourself, for

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example.

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I may procrastinate because of what I think

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needs to be done.

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And what I think needs to be done is really

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huge or difficult and that's why I'm not doing

it could be self imposed as well as our

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perception of, like you said, of what other

people you mentioned about university and that

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5000 word assignments.

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I've heard that or I know that there's quite a

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lot of students actually that struggle with

procrastination.

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I guess that's a significant memory.

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Do you remember even procrastinating before

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then?

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Edward: Yeah, absolutely.

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So I think really I remembered it having that

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kind of procrastination nature at times when I

was about six.

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I can't say specific incident or issue, but I

just with things that I didn't like to do or

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didn't want to do, I tried to delay them.

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If like as a six year old I used to play the

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piano and then I gave it up for football.

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But if someone said, come play football then I

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won't procrastinate about that.

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But maybe if my mom said, go and practice

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playing a piano, I'd probably procrastinate

about that, which is really silly because I'm

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probably more talented at piano playing than

football.

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But even though I was a good.

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Marylayo: Footballer firstly, I think it's

common, especially around that age when you're

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a child and it seems to be associated with a

chore.

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But then actually something that you said

about being talented or having even a strength

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for playing the piano compared to football,

yet you wanted to play football rather than

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practice.

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I don't know, there's just something in there.

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Edward: Yeah, definitely there is.

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I mean, looking back as a much more elderly

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person now than a six year old, I'd love to be

able to sit down and play the piano.

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I can go and play football now if I wanted to,

for fun.

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So sometimes I think procrastination is born

in the mind, and it's a mindset that thinks

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that something is going to be difficult or

wearisome or put a demand on you that you

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don't particularly want to give.

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So, for example, I'm really good at writing.

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I can write poetry.

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I'm not being overconfident when I say this,

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but I could probably write a novel.

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I was a journalist, a motoring journalist for

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a national ethnic minority newspaper.

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And I struggled with procrastination there.

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And that was maybe five years after leaving

university because I'd have to do a daily

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report to a deadline.

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And so whilst I enjoyed driving the cars,

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experience the cars, knowing what the

strengths and weaknesses of a car is, I didn't

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like to sit down and have to write a copy on

the car.

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So that whole process was very frustrating to

me to do that aspect of the work.

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Marylayo: And even though writing was a

strength, because maybe it's associated with a

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task and plus, I guess the pressure of having

a timeline clouded.

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Edward: Yeah, absolutely.

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And then also, the editor of the newspaper, he

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was a tough guy, he was a no nonsense guy.

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And so whilst I got to drive some really nice

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cars, I had to make sure that the

manufacturers that I got the cars from had a

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good truthful review first and foremost.

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But they had a well constructed report on the

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car.

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It was that aspect that demand the timeline

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was the most likely thing to cause

procrastination.

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So I think also procrastination has to do with

confidence.

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So when you talk about students struggling

with procrastination, about doing reports or

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essays, I think it's because there's an

outcome to it.

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And the fear or the concern about the outcome

makes it very, very difficult for them to

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begin the process.

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And so with procrastination, it's the

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beginning that is the most difficult part.

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So once you actually begin the task or make

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the phone call, that kind of feeling

dissipates.

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I mentor a couple of students.

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I just told them that once you do the

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beginning, the middle becomes a little bit

more straightforward.

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Once you've done the middle, the ending, you

get a sense of how you want to end then.

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So procrastination is something that really

affects the mind more than anything, and then

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the mind then determines the action.

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Marylayo: So how did you come to actually

realize that this was an issue, but it was a

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habit in terms of how to deal with?

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Edward: Yeah. I realized at university,

because it was nonsensical in many ways, that,

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you know, you have to do an essay and you

spend an hour sitting at a table avoiding

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doing something that you know you have to do.

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So I went through that process, and so it was

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quite demanding because I had to read a lot

because I did studied literature and

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psychology humanities at university, and so I

had to read a lot and I had to write a lot.

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I think what saved me, to be honest, at

university, was that I played high level

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tennis.

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And that kind of release from tennis, doing

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something fun, enjoyable, whilst at

university, probably stimulated me more to be

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able to deal with the demands of writing, et

cetera.

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When did I realize I realized it was a

problem.

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It's not normal to sit at a table and wait an

hour to write something.

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It's a horrible feeling.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: And besides it being a horrible

feeling at the time, how did it impact you in

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terms of your well being?

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Edward: You know what, Mary?

Honestly, two examples being at university and

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doing the journalism.

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I don't think it really affected me outside of

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the moment.

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So I didn't carry that feeling into other

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aspects of my life.

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I didn't feel, oh, you've got a problem.

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It was just something that I had to deal with

and work through.

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And so I don't consciously feel that it

affected me outside of that moment.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: So from the sounds of it, your

difficulty was getting started, which is

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typical of someone who procrastinate, but once

you got started, you delivered what you needed

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to do.

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Edward: I wouldn't say the procrastination was

at such a level that it affected my mental

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well being.

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Consciously, I can't remember that or feel

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that.

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But I do know now, as we're talking about it,

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I think people have different pressure vowels

to deal with that kind of pressure.

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Marylayo: Yeah. Like when I struggled,

particularly in the past, back in actually, it

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was something that hovered like a cloud.

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So even though I enjoyed the friendships and

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the fun and all that kind of jazz, I do

remember that when it came to the studying

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part, I had those dark because I struggled to

get going with reviving doing those

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assignments, which is probably students, but

it was a particular issue for me.

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Edward: It's funny you should say that, Mary.

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So I've got a brain almost like photographic

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memory, and I also have very deep memories.

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Marylayo: You mentioned about procrastinating

in a sense when you were a child through uni

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and even when you were working as a journalist

how did you manage to get through it and

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overcome that feeling of that inertia that

initiative?

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Edward: How I do it today generally is that

I'm very instinctive person now rather than

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analytical person.

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So I'd rather make a choice to do something

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and get it wrong or come across wrong than not

do it.

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And I think that's one of the main things that

affect procrastination.

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I think you need to be reactive and

instinctive rather than analytical.

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I think a lot of analytical people are

procrastinators because they think of so many

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different outcomes to things.

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So now, good or bad, I'm very instinctive.

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I make disease.

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So if I want to buy a bar chocolate, I'll buy

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a bar chocolate.

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I won't think, oh, if I eat these there's

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going to be so much calories and I don't

overthink.

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I've reached a stage in life where I know who

I am and what I'm about and also the other

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side of it I don't worry.

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I used to worry so much.

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Maybe as a child I had a lot of

responsibility.

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My parents split up when we were very young,

and my mother brought up six children by

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herself.

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I was one of the middle children.

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So I think that there was a lot of kind of

burden responsibility as well.

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And so maybe I grew up a bit older than I

should have done in terms of my age and so

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tended to want to maybe want to please people,

do the right thing, rather than do what I

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actually wanted to do.

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So I'm not like that anymore in the sense that

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I don't really care too much what people think

about me.

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I know that might sound arrogant, but I really

do believe that's really important.

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I think it's important to be responsible and

to live a good life and to be kind and loving

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and sensitive to people.

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But I just tend not to worry too much about

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stuff anymore.

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Marylayo: You know, what you've mentioned

keywords that I think are all tangled within

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this whole characteristics when it comes to

procrastination, whether it comes to people

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pleasing and all perfectionism and all that

kind of stuff.

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So did you change over time naturally or was

it intentional?

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Did you one day or in a season think, you know

what, I'm going to stop doing this because

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it's not helping me and it hasn't served me

well in the past and up till now so why should

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I continue doing that?

Was it?

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Edward: I think it was a bit of both Mary and

now that I haven't really thought about this

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too much.

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As I say, I'm instinctive.

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So I think meeting my wife, getting married,

gave me a lot of confidence and allowed me to

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be more instinctive about life.

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We all wanted a sense of belonging as human

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beings.

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And I suppose that security of meeting someone

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that you wanted to build a life with gave me

that kind of confidence.

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Not to be so analytical, to be more of a go

getter, more of a focused person.

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So for example, a year after getting married,

I decided that I wanted to be a racing driver.

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So I pursued racing for about five years,

doing the journalism as well and TV presenting

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as well for source of income.

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But I think that's when I really kind of

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changed quite a bit in terms of

procrastination, getting married gave me

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greater degree of confidence and focus on what

I really wanted to achieve.

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So it was a conscious thing, but it was also a

life stage then as well.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: So you mentioned about not worrying

so much, not looking to please people.

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What tips or advice would you give to someone

who's struggling with procrastination now?

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Because like, what you've said makes sense,

but it's not so easy, just no, of course not.

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So what kind of tips or advice would you give

to someone who's struggling with

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procrastination?

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Edward: I know it sounds very bland and tripe,

but I think 90% of the things people fear

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never happen and yeah, if not more than 90%.

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And so I just think that I had a conversation

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with my wife the other day and I just said

that I refuse to be fearful about stuff

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anymore.

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But I'm a Christian, I get a lot of strength

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from my faith and relationship with God and

praying and worshiping and talking.

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And so that gives me a sense of peace,

confidence and calm in life.

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I know that not everyone will like the way I

am or the way I do things, but I really feel

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that the most important thing is to be at

peace with God.

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If he gives me the freedom to make decisions

and choices, then I feel cool with that and so

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I think that everyone will find their own way

to deal with it.

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But one thing I'll say is that don't be afraid

of making mistakes, don't be afraid of not

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getting it perfect.

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I used to be a bit of a perfectionist in

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different ways.

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I'm more relaxed now.

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I realize through life and through experiences

that only God is perfect.

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We can strive for excellence, but to strive

for perfection as fallen human beings is a bit

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nonsensical.

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Excellence is a high goal to aim for and

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perfection to a degree is a good goal to aim

for because we never reach it.

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Who's a perfect mate or husband or wife or

brother or sister?

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It's very rare, doesn't exist, does it?

So I think that practically make practical

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steps to do things that you don't like and not

engage in the feeling that it brings you have

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in your armory mentally to just not get into

negative feelings about yourself, about the

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process or the situation you're in.

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I think it's attitude of mind and it's not

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easy, easily done it can be done 100%.

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It can be done exactly.

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Marylayo: Well, Edward, I want to really thank

you for sharing and giving us insight and

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practical advice, really, when it comes to

procrastination.

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Thanks for joining us on Mary Liar Talks.

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Hope to see you soon.

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Edward: Thank you.

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Marylayo: A couple of pieces of advice that

Edward shared was to do with attitude and a

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mindset of not worrying.

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So here's a spiritual wellness tip that you

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can meditate on.

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One of them is Proverbs, chapter 23, verse

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seven, which reads as a man thinks in his

heart, so is he.

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And the other is Philippians, chapter four,

verses six to seven, and it reads.

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Marylayo: Don'T worry about anything.

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Instead, pray about everything.

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Tell God what you need and thank.

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Marylayo: Him for all he has done.

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Then you will experience God's peace, which

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exceeds anything we can understand.

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His peace will guard your hearts and minds as

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you live in Christ Jesus.

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Edward: You.

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Marylayo: Thank you for listening.

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Do follow and join me again next time on Mary

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Layo Talks beyond the Smile our.