Shownotes
In this hopeful episode, guest Jessica Cole is a habit mindset coach specializing in freedom from alcohol. The conversation delves into the challenges faced by mothers, who often turn to alcohol for relaxation and me-time. The podcast underscores the need for self-awareness and questions societal norms.
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Transcripts
Hello and thank you for tuning in to today's episode of.
::The You World Order.
::Podcast Showcase. I'm super excited for today's episode. We're speaking with Jessica Cole. She's a habit mindset coach specializing in freedom from alcohol. Welcome, Jessica.
::Hi, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here and share about what I do. Thank you so much for having me.
::I am really, really excited about this conversation. We had a, you know, a little bit of time to chat beforehand, so I'm excited.
::To have you just jump in and tell us your story of where you came from, what got you to this point going into this path of coaching and why you're doing it and I'm really excited. So why don't you just jump in?
::And just tell us your story.
::Sure. Well, I became addicted to alcohol, plain and simple. Really. And I think my story really began five years before even.
::Drinking alcohol when out of the most.
::Out of love, you know, a family member told me that I was already an alcoholic. And when and when I heard that, you know, I internalized, OK, well, the only thing I really know about alcohol is 1. It's just something that everybody does when they grow up. And two, it's not necessarily a great thing to be because alcohol.
::Uhm, you know also caused a lot of.
::Pain for a lot of people I know so I started internalizing myself as something that was wrong even before I even had my first drink. And so I'm a rebel personality. So of course, when.
::I was 17.
::18 I started I had my first experiment with alcohol. Basically to prove that I could drink and not be an alcoholic.
::And I didn't really start drinking regularly until I was 21.
::And within three years, I knew that alcohol was ruining my life, and yet it was terrifying to even think about not doing it. And so it's just incredible how addictive alcohol is and also how the stigma and the labels around.
::Our alcohol culture can play a role in keeping someone stuck.
::And for me it just made it hard to reach out and just talk about it. And when I found. So I'm a this naked mind certified coach. And when I found this naked mind.
::The idea that we aren't the problem, the truth, that we aren't the problem. The alcohol is the problem, that there's nothing wrong with me.
::It helped me open up just a new possibility of, you know, what? If you know free, not just freedom from alcohol, but freedom from the beliefs I have about alcohol. Like, what would that make possible for me? And I started on that journey. And when I did find freedom.
::Not just from not drinking, but really just not wanting to. I didn't stop drinking because I had to or because I couldn't drink.
::I stopped because it just aligns better with how I feel about myself and the feeling of freedom and being fully, authentically myself it and how uncomfortable it was to talk about. That's what inspired me to become a coach myself because I thought.
::If I can be that one person for any for just one person that feels safe talking to me about it.
::This feeling of freedom is just worth it's worth me making myself uncomfortable, you know, or leaning into that discomfort because that's really where the power lies is within our own ability to just lean into.
::New beliefs that we might be limiting ourselves.
::With right.
::So. So that's kind of a little bit of my back story without getting into like too many, you know details.
::But really moving forward, it's just this is a new approach to have it specifically with alcohol, that's compassion based. We don't need to label ourselves, we don't need to blame ourselves because this is something that that we're talking about an addictive drug, that anybody who uses it will become.
::Addicted to if they drink enough so it's not anything wrong with the person.
::So. So yeah, that's a little bit about my back story.
::No, I love this and the reason why I love this is because I think it's one of those topics that tends to, I don't know if I'm saying this correct way.
::Kind of just on the back burner because you like, when you think about something being addictive, you immediately your brain goes to.
::Something harder, right? Harder drug or a harder addictive. You know something that someone's doing. So alcohol tends to take that back burner.
::And it's almost more accepted because it's just, well, it's just alcohol, you know, and.
::I it is I. You know, I personally don't drink for my own reasons. You know, I'm happy to share. Why? Why I don't during this conversation as well but.
::I feel like as we become adults at first, right? So when like when you're young, it's like, oh, this thing and you just kind of went over that. It's just thing that you want to do and you feel grown up if you know after you first try it and then when you know in my states obviously it's 21 and it's you know after that it's like OK now I've done it.
::But it's that that changeover of when it becomes a necessity and when we become adults and people start using it as an escape. So I love that it's starting to become more of a conversation because it is such an issue.
::Do and I and I read that you target, you know, you try and help moms.
::And mothers, you know, why don't you talk about?
::That a little bit sure. You know, I really.
::Wanted to reach.
::Other women that were like me and they were where I was and you know, you've made some amazing points like one our journeys are so you.
::Sneak and yet there can also be this, UM, well, a fear to talk about it because there's so much stigma around alcohol. If we question whether we even want to drink or not because it just doesn't make us feel good or because for whatever reason, it's like, oh, you know, first we might even think, oh, no. But then I'm going to have to admit that I have a problem or other people are going to think I have a.
::It's like you know how did.
::This drug that really, you know, doesn't have any actual physical benefit for us get put on a pedestal and it's.
::You know you.
::Might also recognize that we don't hear about drugs, including alcohol. We hear drugs or alcohol as.
::If it isn't the same thing.
::Right, exactly.
::I mean, that's just a really simple like.
::Ohh, like we're separating it, but it's really it's really one of the most dangerous drugs out there, you know, but.
::So, so specifically for moms, you know, for me.
::My goodness, like and our relationships with alcohol can change, you know, and evolve over time. And as we use alcohol for different reasons, it's it becomes a story. It becomes, you know, that's what can make out not drinking.
::Harder. It's because it's not just about the act of drinking, it's about the stories behind them and the things that we're drinking alcohol for. And so it changed for me when I became a mom.
::But the so much responsibility, so many so much decision making, never mind just being exhausted. You know, the decision, you know, I was taking care of so many other people. The decision at the end of the day whether or not to drink, I just didn't have the energy to make. Not only that but.
::I had.
::Created this reality where my, you know, drinking at the end of the day was the only me time that I had and so I was chasing me time.
::And I just ended up, you know, missing the most precious moments that meant the most to me to do something that was taking me away from myself more than anything. So it was this.
::You know, I need me time, but I was doing something that just made the real me disappear. So. So I really wanted to reach other moms who didn't have a lot of time, you know, or constantly doing other things for other people. And, you know, we need.
::To focus on ourselves. You know, I've been saying like, oh, Mommy needs a break, not booze, you know, because we're always told, like, you know. Oh, Mommy needs wine. I mean, it's like, you know, you know what we need is like a break and Speaking of that, giving ourselves a break, for choosing to drink, you know, that's a huge part of this too, because it's not.
::It makes sense that we would go to something like alcohol, right? We can just also we have this opportunity to.
::Ask our bodies what we really need in that moment.
::What something we can do that can nourish us rather than.
::Take us away from our unique, amazing beauty that we are without anything but also something that feeds our bodies and our spirit essentially. So that was a long answer.
::No, it's good because it's true because it's along.
::The lines of like.
::Kind of like how I feel about it. When you when you talk about it out loud, right, when we don't talk about it, you have all these thoughts in your head like drinking is not that big a deal. I grew up seeing my mother and my grandmother and, you know, and the men in the family with a beer in their hand and things like that.
::But when you.
::Actually think about the perfect the purpose of alcohol.
::In any situation is to, you know, bring down your reaction time, essentially relaxing. So we're thinking that's a good thing because relaxing is a good thing, right? But in my mind and the reason I stopped was because now I I'm lucky I did not have a problem. Number one was calorie, you know, and.
::Kind of. It was just unnecessary. Calories remain like kind of like went into, like, the health and fitness kind of angle of it. But also like it, it felt a little nerve wracking that it took like my reality out of like, I felt like I wasn't all the way there. And when I started, had to, I also have three children. I read that you have three children and.
::I would think these things not in a neurotic way, but I would think.
::Wow, if I have.
::A glass of wine or a beer?
::At night or whenever.
::Like what if something happened? Like what if I had to get my child to, you know, to seek help or, well, like, what? What if my daughter called at that moment and I I'm already, you know, a glass or two glasses deep of my relaxing. Right. So I started thinking about that. And then the biggest reason for me was that.
::Yeah, I get chronic migraines and.
::It just it just wasn't making.
::Feel good.
::So like I I'm grateful that it started to not make me feel well. It wasn't like it began to be like, not worth it to me that it was causing headaches or not worth it. To me that the day after I was feeling like.
::Like junk, you know, and while maybe the night before, the day before at a BBQ or whatnot. Yes. OK, I felt relaxed. And, you know, I got. Really. I remember getting really chatty when I was, you know, had a beer or two or wine.
::But then the next day.
::It just was like my body would feel drained and I would just feel.
::Sickly no matter how much I drank and I was never a big drinker and I was never a big drinker when I.
::Was growing up.
::I was never a partier. I was never, you know, thank goodness. And I think that the way our society is now, I don't know if.
::You find this it becomes.
::Almost just more accepts it and you're right, when we start grouping it in that category of an addictive.
::Drug look at it totally different.
::You find that it's like so, so much more accepted. So people just like do it and that and addiction kind of like creeps up on you.
::Then absolutely. And you know, unfortunately it's not just accepted, but it's oh, you know, I mean, it's pushed on us. I mean the. Yeah, the.
::I mean it is the, it's.
::The advertising for alcohol, it's the biggest.
::Advertising industry.
::Ever. And. And so we you know we.
::We forget that.
::You know it's we think it's it relaxes us. We think it makes us more fun and there's a reason for, you know, there's.
::A reason for?
::That because it's literally everywhere. But like, honestly, thank you so much for sharing that. And it's so, you know, and I don't know if.
::You came up with any?
::If you experience anything from friends or family like Ohh really, why aren't you like almost like you had to you know it. It brings me out of the moment like that I, you know, I don't want to worry about.
::You know.
::Even when.
::Maybe it wasn't any alcohol that I had that day, or the day before that maybe cause like it's.
::Like I would always think.
::I would feel so much guilt, you know, just thinking like, what if I wasn't? What if I didn't have that drink yesterday? Would I have done something different? Would it have been better, like, just that mental? It takes up so much brain space. Yeah. Never mind. How amazing it does feel to know that I'm I can safely bring my kids somewhere or.
::Or help when I'm needed like that's huge and you know they we don't hear that that 20 minutes of super high amounts of artificial dopamine that we get that makes us feel relaxed.
::In turn, you know, for each drink is 3 to 4 hours of stress hormones rushing through your body to try and save you. From that, you know that relaxed feeling that you got for 20 minutes. So we think it relaxes us, but it really puts us in a state of intense stress and depression.
::And that's just from one drink. Never mind, like we do.
::Get R.E.M. Sleep. And so we're also on top of it, exhausted. So you have three kids. You know how exhausting it is in general and. And so adding, you know, I was sleeping maybe six hours, maybe because I I've had a child sleeping with me for the last.
::Seven years on top of that, when I drank it just what I, I mean, I was running on literal fumes, and it's just sometimes.
::You know, I used to think how can I do this without alcohol? But now I'm like, how did I do it while I was drinking? I don't know. And so, but so much of it is that is that mindset of.
::Oh, alcohol relaxes me. Well, is that really true? You know, I can't mother without relaxing with a drink. Is that really true? Like, just be being willing to question and pay attention to how we how we really do feel. And then and then trying to find a way that feels better.
::So I love that.
::Yeah. And I think that it's funny because we talk about.
::You know, my children are. Uh, they're not. I mean, they're teenagers now.
::So it's a whole nother level so.
::If, if ever a time was, if I was in that cliche, I need a drink era. It's now you know, I have one that's almost fully dry.
::Having you know and I have two that are just like a year younger than that and it's, you know, it's stress, it's stressful, stressful. I feel like it would for me, it wasn't my choice. It was like that that impedes my focus. And you know, now more than that, obviously, when they were younger and they're running around and they were more, you know.
::Self reliant on me? Yes, I felt I need to be like I need to be on my at my best. I need to be like on point.
::And you know, and I had all the stresses in in life at that time.
::Before I stopped drinking, you know, I was. I was in a very poor marriage and things like that. So it's like I couldn't depend on, you know, but I still used it as a crutch. And I did use it every now and then.
::But I think what's funny is that we're always talking about peer pressure for the younger generation, right? The teenagers and going to a party and what would what would your child do if they were offered, you know, alcoholic drink? I think as adults, the peer pressure to drink is just at a whole nother level. And you did touch on that a little bit.
::And I do.
::We call. I think my family is just used to.
::It. But you know. Oh no thanks.
::You know, but I think a lot of people who may not know, you know, me personally if I say oh, no, no. Like if I'm at a work function, for instance, the last time I was at a work function, I went on a business trip and.
::Everybody was coming from different places and we were all sitting down and having dinner and everyone was having cocktails and I ordered, you know, my, I'm an iced tea fanatic. So I was like, I'll just have like, you know, a sweet tea.
::Oh, you're not? Oh, you're not home. You're not with your kids and you know, let loose. And I'm like, yeah. No, that's great. You know, and I just, I don't they automatically go to like, you haven't like an issue, you know? And I always feel like.
::Ohh I'm not you know, I'm not drinking cause like you know, I'm not drinking. You know, I was like, I have to explain myself. So do you find that as adults we're still in that state of like pressure of explaining.
::OK.
::Oh yeah.
::Like why we're not.
::Drinking or you know, and things like that, it's.
::It's just, it's such a funny dynamic to.
::Me. That like we're still.
::Absolutely, yeah.
::Having to like explain.
::Absolutely. And. And it's just so interesting because I mean everyone.
::I mean, everyone is so, so unique. But how does that, I mean some, you know, if you have someone who sees you enjoying being, you know, say you're on a vacation or being away from home and you're actually enjoying.
::The reality of being there and feeling everything without alcohol, it's like you know.
::You know, it's so, I mean that is something to you know.
::That's like, that's incredible.
::Right, that should be the positive that should be like, yeah. Like, I'm all here, right?
::Now, yeah.
::You know, so it's like in reality, it's not really about what you're doing. I think it helps. It brings up what other people feel about what they're doing. And it's like, you know, oh, don't you want a drink? It's like, oh, you know, where the maybe the question is, huh. Do I really want this drink? And maybe I kind of want what she has.
::And I think.
::Without, it's just like I said, it's just that, you know, questioning our own, always questioning our own thoughts and beliefs that come up and also realizing that judgments from other people are probably things that they're really thinking about, their own choices. And so.
::That's so interesting. That's so interesting. So we're so focused on.
::Worrying about what other people think, but we don't really realize that maybe they're going at the same time. I think this when denial comes into, you know, comes into play and it it's almost like a defense mechanism, like almost like how dare you not drink, you know? And are they looking bad at me because I am drinking and I don't look at anybody like that. Like I just, I don't think about it. I think about my myself in my own reality and.
::I'm doing what's you know. Good for me. It's just so interesting because again, it's becomes this thing that.
::People are afraid to talk about it, so the you know, the individuals that.
::You know.
::You speak to, you know, are they in?
::Denial that they have an.
::Issue are they?
::Wanting to and don't know how to get out of it. Like what are you finding in your coaching?
::I'm finding that you know a lot of the folks that I speak to seem to resonate with my story, so they're in this place where they know that it's not something they really want for themselves anymore, but they understand, but they're not sure why they're still doing it. It's like I don't want this.
::The substance anymore. But why is it so hard to stop? And how can it not be me? How could it not be? Something wrong with me because.
::Giving ourselves that compassion and understanding that this is the way that alcohol works.
::On top of the pressure and the judgment from Friends, family, society that says this is something you're supposed to be able to do the right way.
::Understanding that there isn't really a right way to do it, and whether you drink every day or once a month and it just doesn't feel good like it's OK to question it and dig into the reasons why you're drinking in the 1st place because.
::When we can.
::Let go of that blame towards ourselves.
::That's when we can release some of that.
::That pressure that's really keeping us.
::Keeping us attached to that behavior in the 1st place. So.
::I'm finding, yeah.
::Yeah, like maybe it's not the ID. Like it's not the drink itself, but it's just the idea.
::Of drinking. It's just so interesting when you actually put it into a conversation, because, like, I'm thinking of like little stories. Like I have my. My cousin is visiting from Israel. And I invited her and her family over.
::Just like an impromptu BBQ.
::And I don't even have it in my household. So like when I have a gathering, it's just kind of known that like, I don't, I don't drink alcohol. My family doesn't drink alcohol. I I'm not, you know, I just don't serve it. It's not part of our life. Right. So, like, if anybody does want to, I'm it's not banned from my home, but it's just, you know, if you want to bring it, you bring it.
::So she, you know.
::She said. Ohh. You know, I'll bring.
::I'll bring some.
::You know, do you need anything? And you know, we're talking about hamburger.
::Buns and all that.
::Kind of things. Yeah, she goes, you know, want to bring some beers. And I said, sure, fine. I said, you know, we don't. It just, you know, and I and I don't have a problem saying it anymore because I don't have an issue.
::And I said no, it's fine. Great bring. You know, you bring for yourselves. You know, we don't.
::You know, we're we don't drink and.
::This and that.
::And she was like oh.
::Is it OK if I even bring?
::It like it would.
::Yeah, it's totally fine. Like, it's like, it's totally fine. So even still like, there's still. And I think it's like a nervousness.
::Right.
::Or maybe they're afraid. You know, maybe she was afraid that I was judging her because.
::She wanted to.
::Bring you know.
::Exactly, yes.
::Alcohol or something like that, like she needed it at the end of time. Need to think about that. I worry about my own focus.
::That's, that's enough.
::Yes. Yeah, it's, I mean it's real and it's there and just that, you know, sometimes we don't even and how also how amazing is it to really have.
::Alcohol be an afterthought for me. I didn't know if you know if that was would ever be possible for me. And then.
::And then yeah, it's that, it's that assumption that just if you don't drink this.
::You don't drink the substance that does this fly flying around me that that oh, like, oh, that that makes it not OK for me to or it's just. Yeah, that it's just that there's just so much judgment around this substance and that's I mean that feeling of.
::Of discomfort like, I think that can stop someone from reaching out. That did it stopped me from, I think reaching out because I was labeled something so young. I had this strong like I can never. I mean, I would never.
::I just wouldn't label myself.
::Anything but it did make it hard to reach out, and so that's really one of the things. Like I said, it inspired me to become a coach is to just like start normalizing the conversation. You can choose whatever you want that's right for you. If you're at peace with any of your, you know that's the goal is to just feel.
::Authentic and at peace with.
::Our realities with our decisions, I think and.
::And so.
::So yeah, I think that's.
::And I think I find it quite.
::Amazing also that.
::You could also be talking to people that maybe don't realize the seriousness, maybe of an issue that they may have.
::And how rewarding it must be to.
::You know, speak to somebody and help.
::Somebody through clarity.
::And comfort to know, OK, yes while.
::I didn't realize, you know, maybe it's denial. Maybe it's. But I feel like something's off. And. And I think that's. I think that's pretty powerful thing of what you do particularly because I think because of all the societal things like around a lot of people think well, I'm just doing what everyone else does. So like.
::You know that's OK. Another thought I was.
::Having so, when you really think about it like, yeah, when you talk about, OK, all right, I have some drinks, but like, I'm not into hard drugs and I'm not doing this and I'm not doing that. And all these kind of things when you really think about it.
::The consequences?
::From alcoholism and alcohol intake, I feel like it's so high.
::You know, because people are, so they have that inability to make decisions and be completely focused and clear minded that they're getting into cars and they're getting into situations, you know, that are putting their lives at risk and others at risk. And, you know, I think that's a huge importance as well, obviously.
::On a much higher scale of someone that has an issue.
::Yeah, it. It is scary and it's, you know, I don't like to just go out there and like, you know, bash alcohol. It's like not like I am not, you know it's not about like being a hypocrite or it's hard. We don't hear enough about.
::I mean, young men, young women. I think it's like the rate of liver disease and cirrhosis and people dying from.
::From what some people would.
::Would consider like you know, I mean regular, you know, daily drinking or in like 30s in their 30s. Like it's raised. It's like it's like up by like 14% or something in.
::My age group.
::And you know the links to breast cancer and here.
::We are promoting.
::Mimosas and mammograms.
::It's like it's scary that it's so used as something.
::That is just so accepted, but it is it's really dangerous and it's and so it helps motivate me to just like and it's.
::You know, I've been alcohol free for over a year. I'm a I'm a coach and it's funny how sometimes I get these waves of discomfort talking. I'm like, wow, like it's so.
::It's like, wow.
::Like you know, we just need to talk about this because people, people might also not really know like, how, how dangerous it can really be.
::Yeah. So I think that.
::Creating that space for conversation and clarity, and to really talk about something that is, like you said, like.
::It's just kind.
::Of widely accepted.
::And you know, Speaking of creating a safe space, I do have a free online community, which I'm so excited about. We've been building it over the last few months and I actually do a free coaching group coaching call once a month.
::And we have, it's like a private online form. It's off of Facebook. So it's a little bit, it's more private, but just as incredible a connection. We have live connection calls. So that's the present AF club. So it's present AF dot Club and I just really wanted to create a space and make it accessible for.
::Everybody and anybody who's just curious, you know, you don't have to be alcohol free, but it's just a safe place to have these conversations and hear from other people who are just want to be curious without judgment and have these types of conversations while learning some tools.
::And having the opportunity to share live with other people or with me as a coach. So I wanted to mention that.
::Love that. No, absolutely. I love that and I love.
::Spaces like that, and I think you know that's a benefit of our society right now is that we're creating more and more spaces like this where people can go and whether you know, it's anonymous and.
::Or not. You know, these are private things that people have a hard time accepting or coming to terms with, maybe. Or maybe they just need a little advice, or maybe they're struggling with a family member and they need to know how to deal with that. So that's really, really wonderful. How else can people get in touch with you to kind of chat with you, contact you and explore your coaching
::Well I my website is alcohol rewired dot com and you can also find me on Instagram at alcohol dot rewired and Facebook at alcohol rewired And we're also I do have a Instagram page for our present AF club and that's also a collaboration with my she's my twin sister.
::She's eight years alcohol free and she is.
::Also, a Yin yoga instructor, A mindfulness and lifestyle occupational therapist. So we combine presence and meditation.
::With my alcohol coaching and resources as kind of like, it's just a way to really embody this practice, bringing it into the body. So that's the present AF club. And I think I covered that. So Instagram, Facebook and yes, alcohol rewired is my website. And I'm also listed on the this naked mind coaching page.
::I’m there aswell
::Awesome, I love it. I love what you're doing. I love that you're creating this conversation and also creating this space for people. A lot of people.
::That, you know, maybe just have been too afraid or maybe didn't realize, or even if it opens a few eyes. Uhm, you know during.
::The things that you're saying, I love it. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. This has been a fantastic conversation, opened my eyes a lot. Personally, I really appreciate you, coming on with us today.
::I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing and really just wanted to leave that message with like, we all have everything we need inside of us to really get the dream that we hope for ourselves. So thank you so much for having.
::For me, absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you, Jessica. Thanks.
