“We actually need grounded adults who have our back, no matter what.”
–Eliza Reynolds
On this episode of the PlanSimple Podcast, I’m really excited to talk with Eliza Reynolds, who co-wrote Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years with her mom Sil, who has also been on the podcast. Eliza has been coaching preteen and teen girls for 15 years and offers an amazing perspective to moms.
Let’s start by talking about the preteen/teen period. So many of us are taught to dread it, to expect it to be awful, but Eliza flips that script, calling it the brilliant, fun, ferocious, intense pre-teen, and teenage years. And she thinks parents and kids need and deserve true, nonjudgmental support.
We dig into peer-culture and toxic mean girls. You’ve probably learned that kids pull away from parents now, that they want to interact more with their peers, but there is a lot of toxic peer culture. Preteens and teens need you to hang in there with them — and they need to be part of communities with healthy peer culture.
We talk about:
- Intentionally building community based on shared values and finding mentors for yourself as a parent
- Helping kids build relationships with other adults and getting involved with intergenerational mentorship
- Dealing with things that come up from your own preteen/teen years
- Why resistance does not mean rejection
- Holding limits and boundaries and teaching kids how to take care of themselves
- Letting go of trying to be a perfect parent and being a real one
BIO
Eliza Reynolds is the professional daughter with the inside scoop and a champion for preteen and teenage girls living full lives. An expert on mother-daughter relationships, she’s been coaching preteen and teen girls to connect with their mothers, and with themselves, since she was a teen herself.
Together with her own mother, Sil, Eliza is the co-author of Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years, (she wrote the sassy side) and the co-host of We Thrive TV. The mother-daughter duo have taught sold-out workshops nation-wide for thousands of mothers and their preteen and teen daughters for the past 10 years.
On her own, Eliza has her undergraduate degree from Brown University, was trained as a sex educator for Planned Parenthood, and was a consultant for Eve Ensler, (“Vagina Monologues,”) on her book for teenage girls: I Am an Emotional Creature.
LINKS FOR BADASS GIRLS ACADEMY
OTHER LINKS FROM PODCAST
Doable Changes from this episode:
- GET CLEAR ON YOUR VALUES. Getting clear on your values matters for a couple of reasons. One, you’ll share your values with your kids based on what you say and do. But also, if you are looking to intentionally create community, you’re going to look for people who share those. So start by listing your values, what they mean, and how those show up in your life. You might start with some of the ideas here: https://plansimple.com/family-brand/
- SEEK MENTORS FOR YOUR PRETEENS & TEENS. Helping your kids connect with adults of different ages in your community is one way to do that. Think about who they already have connections with or people they might like to know. Make space to nurture those bridges. Or choose Badass Girls Academy and the mentors there. (See links above.)
- GET MORE REAL. What would change in your life if you were more real? Eliza asks this question of the preteens and teens she works with, but it works for parents too. Get quiet and ask yourself this question. Or get together with a group of moms and all answer it. Our kids don’t need perfect parents, they need real ones. What would change if you were more real?
