Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina discuss the evolving concepts of 'wife material' and 'husband material' in modern relationships. They explore historical perspectives on marriage, generational shifts in views on relationships, and the importance of chemistry and respect in a partnership. The conversation emphasizes the need for shared responsibilities, quality time, and the choice to be happy in relationships, while also addressing the balance between traditional and modern roles.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing, Tina? Yeah, I can't see you. But you sound like your dragon ass.

I dog tired today. I just got back from... I know, I still don't know what's going on with my camera and it's... I'm dragging ass! It's... Well, I started... I got up at like 6 30 this morning and just has been on the go all day and working and it's now 7 42 in the evening and I'm hauling ass to get home so that I could do the podcast because...

Well, yes and no, but we do know that this weekend is the big game. So.

you know, God forbid, if there's two minutes to squeeze out of a day, that's what I want to do.

Yeah, Super Bowl.

So that being said, know, things is it's better to do it so we don't have to worry about pinching it in the weekend. And truly I like to get ahead a little bit. So.

Well, so because it's a Super Bowl and every year since I've been 13, I've thrown a Super Bowl party for my dad. So that's like the expectation, right? We're having a Super Bowl party on Super Bowl, which is fine. I love doing it. It's a good time and it's because I want to do it, not because it's a holiday where I have to do it. So I dig Super Bowl Sunday. Anyway, and then, you know,

My favorite thing to do on the weekends is go riding. And since this is not my weekend to work, I'm going riding on Saturday. We were gone, what was it? 12 hours last weekend. So I want to see how, you know, I used to be worried because the goal was to get to Vegas. Well, now I'm just waiting for the weather to get better because I'm taking the bike to Vegas. But I know now that I could get there because we've been riding for like 12 hours.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But Vegas is like...

straight, like stopping for lunch or whatever, but that's a long ass day.

Four and a half hours, five hours. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hit Barstow, get some gas, and go, off you go. Mm-hmm. So I am always coming up with stuff because I watch the craziest things in the morning on YouTube before I go to work. And again, it was another red-pilled.

Yeah, it'll be a piece of cake. We could do that before lunch. yeah. Yep. And continue on. Yeah. So.

Hmm

you know thing but I I heard this girl talking about wife material and she lost her damn mind saying that if a man ever says that your wife material run and I was like and she said it was more like based in being submissive and

being a slave to the kitchen and doing laundry and they don't care men don't care about anything other than that and a bunch of other things and and I you know in the morning before work I kind of get a few minutes to sit down kind of ruminate and chill for a second this some of the shit that I see in the morning pisses me off it makes me upset for my drive to work and then I just start to think

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I was wondering why you were listening to that because that would piss me off too and I don't want to start my day like that.

Yeah. But for me, it's now I try to get ideas for the pod because like these are like real social things. People are losing their damn mind over crazy stuff. So I know I added to our list of shows and I was like, you know, husband and wife material. And for me, I just kind of put it down just willy nilly. And then I was like,

Hmm.

Maybe we should do it on what we think that means today. Cause you know, we've talked about it before marriage. Everyone's running from relationships. mean, men are kind of done. Women are done. We're all fighting for the same 1%. It's like this crazy, really crazy thing. So I was like, what is it? What is.

you know, wife material and husband material. You know, if we go back to like, let's say the modern era of that, which would be kind of 40s, 50s, 60s, right? You know, where it was like, you you fell in love with the high school sweetheart and after you came back from war, you got married. And you know, and it was like, and...

Mm-hmm.

And I know that seems kind of like weird, but like those, you know, they left boys and came back men. They wanted to get married. These guys were like sick of getting shot at by Nazis and were like, you've been with me this whole time. You're my sweetheart. And they married each other. And I think that obviously in that time period, women really weren't working. If they were, it was like very,

Like small hours they were maybe answering Yeah, maybe answering phones You know, they were they were phone operators, but they were doing a lot of shit during the war So like they worked they just and then but when when they your honey came home They were like time to be a domestic wife, which was and don't get me wrong different time. You could buy a house for nothing You know women didn't have to work you had babies and you raised great children

They took in like ironing or taking care of somebody's kid, yeah.

Then came the 50s, right? Which would be pretty much those kids. Right? So out of that came like the late 50s, early 60s, they were the kids of those 40s. So they pretty much had the same similar values of, hey, you know, I'm gonna do this, my man's gonna go to work, we're gonna raise a family.

And again, once your kids were of age to go to school, you went to work, right? And you came home before they got off because we had good employers then.

Well, any head of dinner then.

Yeah, but we had good employers like you would probably go and like do some paperwork before two o'clock and then the kids got off from school and you could go home and you know, do your thing. And then, you know, obviously the sixties came with with the hippie generation and and fem you know, the first wave of feminism. Then shit started going sideways. Not in a bad way, but did change things.

Right.

But I still think the core beliefs were the same, right? People still wanted families. They still wanted, you know, they still wanted most of those core belief systems. Then, like, our generation of being born in the 70s, I still think was a product of that, because I look at our parents and they were very much the same. Until the eight until the 80s game.

for a while. Yeah, until the 80s.

Until and then the 80s happened to be like the bubble burst of divorce and and And I don't know for sure. I'm sure I could Google it But maybe divorce laws got better in the late 70s 80s. I'm I'm going to assume That you know child support and alimony and a bunch of things got better. So people started doing it

Mm-hmm.

And I think that's where everything kind of went sideways. Also, the 80s were like the decade of decadence and indulgence and lots of narcotics.

Inturgence.

You know, with the 80s, everybody seemed to have money to spend. Nobody was struggling hard at that time. And even if you look at fashion, fashion was bigger. The big shoulder pads and the big blousy pants and the four pairs of socks and the tennis shoes weren't little kids anymore. They were now Reeboks that were high tops and layers of color and color and color.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

It's amazing to see how in the 80s, hair was bigger and blonder in the 80s. fabulous times. Yeah, but it went with having an indulgent kind of lifestyle. Everybody had a little bit more at the time and things were reasonably priced and you could live off of what you were making. It was cool.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But then again, like how many of our friends came out of that divorced? Like I'll, I'll.

Two. Two. Out of my like, core people, there was like, just two families that weren't... No, no, no. That weren't divorced. Were. And my family was one of them.

Just to, I knew, I knew many, many of it. that weren't right. Exactly. I'm saying. So like, was many, many divorces then then the nineties came and I think what our generation saw with the divorces made us maybe a little gun shy to get married because of that, but still

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

jumped in and you know morality jumped in over that kind of thing and you said I could do better than my parents maybe yeah think a lot of that kind of happened but the core beliefs I think were still there then you know obviously we got married got divorced raised a child you know did things where I think now at least things I'm hearing

Millennials have been let married way less lots of single Millennials so they definitely And and I think they're just the me generation Right, they're worried about me Yeah

Well, you give kids as a whole everything and make them accountable for nothing. That's what you get.

Pretty much. That's true. I mean, and that's not a knock on them. We're the ones who did it. You know, I mean, not to...

Mm-hmm.

You know, I don't want we kind of have to shit on gen x a little bit because of it because we kind of but But I think we also came from the divorce families as well or some of us So we thought we got to make sure that our kids don't end up like us and we have to do this and we have to do that where So I think lots of that happened there. So millennials started the whole I don't want to get married thing I would say

by far. We were the parents our generation.

on the more massive thing. So that generation is the one that is now in their late 30s, early 40s. Yeah, but I'm talking about, I wanna use the latter version of that as kind of a going backwards. So if you use the latter version of that, a lot of these people are still single or

Right.

Early 30s even, aren't they?

have had early marriage and divorced, right? Or, yeah, yes, that's very true. So I think that what, what people think of when they start dating as wife material or husband material is definitely different. Where we...

or even living with their parents.

Yeah.

I think our generation still has the mentality of homemaker, but with the reality of being a partner, right? Where we know that you have to two incomes. You have to realize that the man generally can't support, at least in California, can't support the household.

And I just think that now our generation also is probably a tad more realistic when it comes to how things are done around the house. So because of, know,

being latchkey kids and some of us divorced for a long time. Like I understand like the next relationship I go into, I don't expect my girlfriend or wife to do everything. That's absurd. It's just crazy. Not only that, I think that if you think that way.

Mm-hmm.

You just have less time to spend together if one is doing one thing and one is doing another if you're all doing the housework together There's more time to do things together so I think that that's where where the the reality of late 40s 50s our generation sees it. I think wife material is still very much the same

Mm-hmm.

that it was maybe for our parents how we think about it.

I think that millennials just don't think about it. Wife material and husband material are so far off the map that they don't even go after it. And if they do, the expectations are so high that they're never going to meet them. Like I've talked about it on here before. It's like women want over six feet, make six feet,

figures, you know, own a house, you know, own their own car, well endowed, good looking, you know, like all these crazy, I mean, to get that you're, you're really searching for 1 % or less of the population.

And you're missing you're missing a key ingredient to wife material or husband material is there needs to be a connection that goes beyond anything any looks any size any color any religion like chemistry if you don't have chemistry you can't even you can't get to the point of being married and and having anything be sustainable so you know we could look until we're

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. Blue in the face.

you know, 90. And the point is if there's not, if there's not chemistry, there isn't anything. There has to be chemistry.

I agree. think, look, we all look facially, right? Everything looks face value. Sure. Look, men, we're visual creatures. Do we like pretty little things? Absolutely. But I think...

Yes, you're I think that looks help but they also come with downsides. You know if you have let's say you're an average man and you have a supermodel looking girlfriend you better be the most confident man on the planet.

Because if you don't, every man's going to be, you know, looking, courting, seeing, you know, looking for a crack in the egg, hoping that you fumble the ball, whatever it is. Where, and I want to use this and I don't mean it as an insult and maybe I for sure I don't because I think I'm very average. Average looking people who get together.

That means most people think that they're attractive. Most people go, they have pretty hair, pretty skin, blue eyes, this, whatever. Features that are attractive. Those generally, those people who get together have longer relationships, better chemistry, know, less worry in the relationship, lots of other things.

Average looking people you're saying?

Yes, when you put average people together, which is most of us is what I'm trying to say. Most people who are of average everything. That means, you you don't have an eye going sideways like I did, like just things that are I'm talking about regular everyday people have a better chance of being together than if, you know, one is overly attractive and the other isn't or, you know,

Yeah.

whatever it is. What I'm trying to say is, that once you get to the average, let's just say we all go with an average person, this is where you're 100 % correct about chemistry. Because if you let the average person in, which means you find you find each other, both find each other attractive or something about them attractive, right? Like you could be at a place where there's a girl who's

Mm-hmm.

You know, and I hate I'm going to start using words that I don't mean them in the way they are going to come through. But let's say below average. Well, I had because I have to use those because we're going to have a scale right below average, but is fucking hilarious. Right, you meet him, you're like, yeah, but you end up talking around with a bunch of other people and you find out that she's got a sick sense of humor. It's dark as shit.

But you do.

You

Mm-hmm.

She makes you laugh, you know, whatever joke you tell that's off color. She giggles at and then comes up and says, Hey, that was really fucking funny. All of sudden that girl who's a six becomes a 10 because you're like, shit. You laughed at that? Like you thought that shit was funny. So you're right there. That's chemistry and there has to be a break somewhere in there. So.

Mm-hmm.

chemistry.

Mm-hmm.

For me, I still think wife material is for most men. If you're going to get married and you're of age, will she be a good mother?

right?

Right? And if that's your goal, right, is to have a child at some point, whatever it is, to me, that means a lot. And maybe it's because I'm 50 something and I have a kid.

Yeah, my my ex told me that he fell in love with me when he saw how I was with the kids that were around me and how I was very

protective of them that that was what he was attracted to

Mm-hmm. It means something. I didn't either. I didn't want to have kids. I got with my ex-wife, she already had to.

And he didn't even want to have kids. But he was attracted to that.

Yeah.

So I didn't have to have kids. I could have got married and raised my two girls and been on my merry way and whatever it was. I blamed my brother for wanting to have a kid because he had one and then I saw how happy he was and I was like, I better do this because I, know, baby fever is real. It really is. But at the end of the day,

right?

Yeah.

I knew that my ex-wife was a good mom. We can argue some things after my son was born, right? Or much later. But all in all, I would never shit on her and say she wasn't a good mom, because that would be, that wouldn't be true. She was such a good mom, she let me take my son. So, you know, let's, you know, I can say that, but

You

Great. Great.

I still look at older women and see how like let's say they meet my son. How they react to him and how they. I don't want to, I'm going to say it, but I some people are very motherly to him. I have had someone that was around him that was very motherly.

Mm-hmm.

to him and I found it utterly attractive. Utterly attractive. And I think that's because, you know, him and his mom don't have the greatest relationship. And it's not like she tried to have that relationship with him. That's just who she is. And it was really... Yeah. Correct.

I get that.

Yeah, well she'd already had, she'd already raised much older kids and was over it to some degree.

So yeah, far she had grandkids So like but to watch that and then Also another one who has kids who doesn't have grandkids also very I could see the motherly aspects of her So to me, that's that's attractive and I think that most men

Robb (22:46.835)

If you're if that's your future and that's what you're looking for That's important because that's the person that's going to be raising your offspring You know, you don't want no party girl and club girl out, you know That's just not what most men are looking for matter of fact I would tell you most men if they find you in a club The first thing they're gonna do is get you out of it and hopefully you never go back That's a fact I mean

Mm-hmm.

Look, you know, and I hate there's a great country song. It's called Keep Her Wild. And it's basically the songs about like, you know, if you get with your girl, make sure you keep her wild. And I think that there is something to that. Correct. But you still have to, you know, you have to be inside the relationship. I hear all these young girls on or young women.

Make sure you let her be her is what it comes down to. It's just...

on some of these things that just are like, I, you know, I'm just going to do what I want and it'll be okay. And then they wonder why their men break up with them out of nowhere. And vice versa. Like you can't be a guy who goes golfing every weekend. You want your relationship to end? Do that shit. It'll be over.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Well, if she's at work, go ahead and go. Like she's busy, she's doing her thing, but you know, if she's home, yeah, absolutely.

Exactly. But it can't be your only thing.

Because the next thing that happens is while you're golfing, she's at the club.

Yeah

I mean, I mean, it's fair play and, and you have to, if you're going to get in a relationship, let's just say that work on the relationship. The whole point of being together is to not have a single life anymore. You want a single life, stay fucking single. It's pretty easy. Yeah. So, I mean, I'll tell you, it's easy. I've been, I've done it for 15 years. Um,

very easy.

Mm-hmm.

But I think the material of what we are looking for is still the same as a man. You know, I want a good woman. I want her to be, and I don't want to say submissive because I don't think that that's it. think it's both people have to have a moral ground that is similar. It's not, you can't do this. It's that

Yes.

Hey, don't do this without me and I won't do this without you. Don't disrespect me and I won't disrespect you. These are pretty common ways of living.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you want you want to always hold your spouse in the highest light like that means you don't talk shit to them You don't act like a fool like you you want to give them and and it goes both ways men and women you want to give them so much respect because that is that is the person that that mirrors who you are and You want to hold them in the highest light? I don't think that people know that

Absolutely. And then it builds resentment.

I mean, I don't think I knew that even when I got with my ex, but you learn that like you learn it But if you don't do that like the disrespect it does create a huge gap in between You and the person that you're trying to build a life with

Totally does.

So I would say from a man's wife material is a... When I say on the surface, think I'm going to say in general, a very wholesome woman who shows respect to herself and the family.

Extracurricular activities at home can be whatever you want them to be. when people go, she's so wholesome. Maybe she's not at home. You don't have to be wholesome in the bedroom. Every man wants a whore in the bedroom and, you know, beaver cleavers mom on the street. Right.

And I, but you want people who are respectful. And I think that's the bigger thing. Like you said, like, you know how many couples I've seen fight outside, like in public places? It's absurd how many. And, and look, there's something to being enough to say,

Mm-hmm.

probably a lot.

Don't spill our shit in front of everybody. Right? Because here's the thing, once you do it one time, this seal is broken on the friends who now reverberate outside of that. The first time you guys raise your voices in front of friends, one side or the other is going, see what I tell you, should dump that bitch.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Or see you'd be better off single. There's so many better guys out there. Then it just casts doubt on everything. If you you should be adults enough to. Say we're not doing this right now. We're going to, you know, well, we'll fix this when we go home. Let's not make a thing of it. And if and if we're that upset. Let's go home right now.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But once alcohol is introduced that there's a whole other thing you have to be able to step back Yeah, but I think it's also a What it's a truth serum, but it's also a

I think that alcohol is kind of a truth serum, if you're fighting through that, there's a breakdown somewhere that you need to work on.

It lets everyone's guard down. So you might end up doing things or saying things that just slip out. Like, you know, you can argue and go, see, you're just like your mom and where you don't mean it. It's just things pop out of your head because you're mad. That's why I'd say you should never, you should do your best to step back for a second. you're in an argument and go look.

Neither of us want to say anything that's going to ruin this. Let's take a break. And then come back and fix things. And I think that that's those are things that you look for in your mate. These are also material.

Mm-hmm.

Also, I also think that that you need to come to the table knowing this is your person like this is the one that you're choosing every single day and you need to show up every single day like it's It's so easy. That's hard You know that if this is your person You know spend time but then you know you get aggravated with them or they say something you don't like or they grab you the wrong way and you're not in the mood and How fast that that could change?

Yes.

But the trick is you work on it not changing. You work on no matter what, that that's still your person and try to be as okay as you can with

So what do you think husband material is?

Well, my reference would be like my grandfather, my dad, my uncle, my brother, my ex. And they were the ones that provided. They were the ones that kept you safe. They were the ones that showed up when nobody else wanted to.

They're ones that normally do like the bread making, you know, they're they're bringing home the paycheck and

You know, they assist in anything that mom like the mom needed or you know, I can't open this jar. Can you open this jar? You know, the weeds are getting high in the burr long in the backyard. You got to trim them down or or the car broke down. You need to go and take it get fixed like in my world when I was growing up and when I was married, that was things that the that my husband took care of.

Right.

Now that left a lot for me because I had a job too, but my job was was initially set up because I wanted to be a mom. So I picked a profession that I could be a mom and be there for my kids and and still work and make money. So my job came kind of second to, to the family and the house and my and my husband and then my kid.

The house.

But there was a sense of urgency, like I still needed to pay my bills, do my things, so that it had to be managed. Then I did take on the cooking. My ex was not somebody that would ever cook. I'm impressed that he does it now, because for 22 years he did not.

Right. Funny how being single will make you do that though.

Right. And, and, you know, making sure the house stayed clean and, and, um, the homework was done and, know, that was all part of being a mom. But my job range changed depending on what I wanted out of it. Like if I wanted certain things, I had to show up more. If I didn't want him, it wasn't, you know, I didn't have to do too much because I wasn't going to, I didn't want it to work for it anyway.

Mm-hmm.

Right. you

But I was the one that took everybody to the hospital. I was the one that got called when a child got in trouble. I took care of all that stuff. So it was very much like old school values. However, I was not submissive at all.

No. No.

There were times when my husband was right and I would concede to that. didn't see that as a weakness. I saw it as you have a partner and your partner's pretty freaking smart. So if it makes sense, just do it, you know? But I don't see me, I would never, I don't think anybody in my life would say I was a weak person.

No, and I don't think being submissive is being weak. Probably yes.

But it is now, like now it's considered weak. You know, it takes a lot of strength to be a mom and a wife and a business owner and a caregiver and the maid and the, you know, the errand runner. There's nothing weak about doing all that. But you do it because...

Who else is gonna do it? It's not a man or woman thing. It's like a, it's a life thing. Like who's gonna do that if you don't do it? Do it. Just.

Correct. Yeah, I mean...

Like I believe in in certain gender roles, right? You know, although you know, I would argue the fact that if you're Getting with somebody who's been single a long time. They probably have already done both sides of them, right? But like, you know mowing the lawn I would say that that's a man thing to do and that's just maybe because the generation I come from

Well, I think our generation would think it was funny if the man was in there cooking and the woman was pushing a lawnmower. It wouldn't look right to us.

Lawnmower. Absolutely. So like, think that there are some traditional gender roles that work. I don't think that a woman should have to clean the whole house, but that's me. But that's, think, being single for so long. Like, I...

Mm-hmm.

I remember when I first got divorced, had male friends of mine. Half joking, they were like, who's gonna do your laundry now? And I went, what do mean? Who do you think did it before I was married? Me. Cooked before I was married. Cause I was, I lived by myself before I was married. So like, this wasn't anything new. I cooked and cleaned. had my own apartment. I, you know, I did things already.

Yeah.

So for me, I thought that that was funny and I know that it was like half haha, but some of it was true. So I have told people that if I ever got with them, like I don't need you to do my laundry. I know how to do my laundry. I'm big boy and I can and I'm not one for like leaving it in a basket after it's out of the dryer. I'm like. I want and I want it done.

Mm-hmm, just gets wrinkled.

So I come in, throw it on the bed, hang all my shit, do my socks underwear, throw them in a drawer. want it done. I want to be able to sit down in the basket and go accomplished next. And, then it's done. I, and I know people that are 50 years old that still do the same thing that they did when they were 20. And it's a, of someone who I lived with.

Mm-hmm. I agree. It's just easier to get it done, because it will sit for months if you don't pick it up and put it away. Yeah.

That yeah, and so and then cooking cooking is kind of a weird thing for me where I love eating home cooked meals when someone comb cooks a meal is absolutely wonderful. I also love sharing the cooking like. I would love to get a flat top grill. You get a grill. You have a barbecue you cook outside. You can eat outside. You get a little table. Everything is kosher.

wow.

Mm-hmm.

It's wonderful. And, but I also meal prep for myself at work. So I, I would do all that still because I'm anal about it I want it and I already know how to do it and I would do it every time. So I, I don't, I don't think I would take away things from anybody. think most, a woman that I would get with would be like, cool, you're going to cook your own lunch. Fucking more power to you. just do the dishes. And, and I think even that if

Right. Yeah.

If you're an older person and you can turn things that are, well actually if you're whatever the age but older people, I'm going to use as an example for everyone going forward. If you can share things and do it as being company, it's the greatest. If you have a dishwasher and you can both like, you know, one washes and one loads and it's good time and you're still talking,

Hmm.

That's amazing. It's any good time spent with your mate will make for a better relationship long run. Whether it's cooking outside together, doing the dishes together, mopping the floors, know, one does the bathroom, whatever it is. And like I said before, when you have this time condensed, because one person's not taking the full load and mad and bitching because you're playing video games or

Mm-hmm.

whatever. You know, you can then have quality time together, whether that's sitting on the couch watching a movie or out and about with your friends. That's what I mean, though. It's quality time, but it's usually time designated as work. housework, whatever you want to call it.

But it doesn't, you're spending quality time with them, just doing things together. Like that is totally quality time.

Yeah. But, but like when I was younger, we all had to clean the house. All four of us did it. And, and the radio was on and mom would grab us and, you know, kind of dance with us and stuff. And we would act silly. That was like our time together. We'd jump off the furniture and dad and mom would dance together. And, and, and it was cool because everybody was doing something, but we were all in the same vicinity doing what we needed to do. And it was.

Yes, together. And having, right.

We made it fun and that ended up being things that I remember to this day, like when we were really little, know, mom and dad dancing in the living room and we were all looking grungy because we were all doing our housework and everything. I don't know, those are like to me, that's when you have quality time, when you could be together and doing what you have to do and loving each other through it and just, you know, giving it some love and...

Sharing some time.

Exactly. And I think that's the biggest thing about what marriage material is. Is it someone you can spend boring time with? No, but...

Boring time. It's just somebody that wants to be with you like you if

I agree, but boring time that most, and I'm putting it in air quotes for people listening. Most people, you know, look at things like that. That's just boring time. To me, that is quality time. If you can sit with somebody and just sit and chat and talk about small things and one person has the cat or the dog in their lap and everyone's having a good time.

light.

You may be listening to some music. That is real time. That's not, hey, we're going out with our friends and we're not planning this and we have to get dressed up. This is what regular human beings do. And I know that sounds like a horrible thing to say boring time, but life generally is like 80 % boring time. So if you can...

Well, life requires a lot of have-tos and got to get them done sort of situations. So you got to find the fun in that though, because that is life. That's very much life. you know, if you're with somebody and you like being with them, like that's going to be a good time, no matter what you're doing. It just is.

Correct. Agree. I totally agree with that.

You You

I mean some of the best times I had being married was just just being around my ex and and the Like I don't know that in the moment things that you did while you were busy living like I remember one time he decided he was going to jump up on the counter and do a Handstand on the kitchen counter that he climbed up though. He climbed up the wall

And then it went to the ceiling and he was able to kind of, I don't know, do a handstand, a sort of handstand. And that was, that was just, I was in the kitchen doing something. We were having drinks. We were just hanging out and like singing, oh, do, do, do, do, do. I have the video of it. It was so in the moment and we were working and getting stuff done. was cooking. We, but I don't know. We, we made that fun. There was a lot of.

I remember there being a lot of fun where he and I would just be in us and doing things in the same general area or just he would come in and be hungry and waiting for me to cook and he would do something just to entertain me and it made life go by so much smoother.

Those small moments are what makes a mate the best.

Well, I think that that's part of being a husband would be to keep the mom happy, not buy her everything, not, not dode on her. Well, yeah, kind of dode on her, but with affection, not with buying crap and what have her being, you you got to find somebody that you could be around because you're going to be around them a lot and you're going to be around them at the worst times when they're snoring, when they're sick, when they're tired, when they're hungry, when they're frustrated, when

Don't even.

Work is overwhelming like you you're gonna get your person at their worst So you have to be in a place where you just love you love them through that

Mm-hmm. I agree.

because you have to be a partner.

Well, I was talking to the other day and they were talking about getting rid of like clothes. They have too many clothes and blah, blah. And look, buying things for your mate is great, right? If I wanna see my mate in something, I'm gonna buy her something that I think she's gonna look pretty in, right? But at the end of the day, this person said something that was, I mean,

Mm-hmm.

the truth and and on most things she said things are just things and it's just stuff yeah and and at the end of the day I think that's kind of what you just said like

Yeah, that's so true. It's just stuff that clogs a freaking closet up faster than... Ugh.

Look, buying things for your mate is great. It's fun. I'm a gift giver, so it's hard for me not to. But that being said, it is true. Like there's just things you can't take them with us. You can have every car in the world, but if your relationship sucks, it doesn't matter. So, you know, I would rather have somebody that I can spend the boring time with and that could be

Mm-hmm.

You know in a lawn chair laying out by the pool You know when? No But exactly but what I'm saying is like just music on you don't have to be talking to each other the whole time But that's that is time well spent then you get up and you go in the pool and you bullshit with each other and you ha ha and whatever You know things are just things life is the

That's a good time though. We're on a raft in the pool, because that's what I do.

best thing you can have. So to me, those, what we've kind of talked about is like the more traditional marriage or mate, what you're looking for in a wife and a man are probably the same that they were in the forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. Just on a different scale. the same morality part except now you are partners, you know, they're

The gender roles have have very much leaked into each other because of being single so long. You know, a lot of people aren't getting married until they're in their mid thirties now. So if you're coming into a relationship, you have probably been single for a long time. Or you're coming into relationships from divorces, which is a whole other monster. Right? So.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

You have to look at the larger picture and realize that we all need something that is going to fill us mentally and physically well before financially.

If that's all you're looking for, good luck. Because you're never going to be happy with the brass ring. You're always going to continue to try to pull it from somewhere else. Where, you know, we've talked about it on the podcast before. I think men are just a different beast. We don't give a shit what women do for a living. We want to be happy with them. And every metric I've seen and every

Yeah.

Guy on these YouTube videos will tell you like they don't give a shit. They just want if you if you can bring money to the relationship help out at home. They don't they don't want a CEO. They want someone who's going to just be a mate. And.

And what's wrong with being a woman and being soft and still being strong? Still being capable, still being nothing.

Right, nothing. There's nothing wrong with being strong female and being feminine. Of course, yeah. And again, I think that's why a lot of people who are on like, who make tons of money end up having to have a woman who's like that.

Well, and still being a partner.

Right, because you're on that kind of same level where. But I think most men and again, I think women long run also want a capable mate. Do they want somebody who's who's going to go to work and bring home money and not be lazy and sure that those are those are things that just women look for in a partner because of DNA from.

you know, a thousand years. The only problem now is that all these things that have been built into us, we don't need them anymore, right? We don't go hunting with bows and arrows and we don't go, you know, the women aren't, you know, washing the laundry in the river. So we're using a lot of this old DNA that's been locked into us and trying to put it into a modern time where we have a computer that's in our hand 24 hours a day.

So, I still think without going too far outside the bell curve, most people are still looking for the same values. They want someone who's going to come home and treat them good. They want somebody who wants to be there. They want somebody who's got the same moral, you know, things that they can. Yeah. Similar things, you know, obviously that they agree in.

compass.

And just someone who wants to be there with them. That's, and I think if young people, like I listen to my son sometimes and like they're jaded. Man, are they jaded? But I think that they might get out of that millennial curve. Cause my son even told me he's like,

Yeah.

He goes, I see myself getting married. He's talked about having a kid later on in life. He's like, yeah, I hope I can raise my kid like this. And, you know, they'll do this with me like you did, like go to concerts together and I can teach them how to play video games and like all these certain things. So he's talking about that as a future where I wasn't. I truly thought I'd never have a child. So.

Right?

You know, there's hope. I see at least, and he's very similar where even he said like, like it's his girls going for some kind of medical, going to school for medical stuff. But even he said, he was like, that's cool, but that's not like, it doesn't matter. Like, okay, cool. That's, that's kind of a good thing. Cause I think he also just wants to be happy. Doesn't want to come home to a house that

for watching.

Feels like a nuclear weapons about to go off. And I think both sexes want that. don't think women want to come home and argue. That's just not reality. Everyone wants to come home to a place of refuge from the real world where you can be yourself. You can say off color things.

No.

You can fart if that's what you do, although most women don't do that. yeah, just be your best to be happy. And that's hard enough.

Yeah.

It's not though. It's not it's a choice like I Really but when when I was younger I used to think that waking up and being unhappy was just the way to be and then like growing up with my maid at the time and and he likes he said to me one day, know, you could wake up happy if you wanted to and I had a hard time with that because I had a lot on my plate and I didn't know how to deal with any of it and it was hard You know what? I mean?

You're like, no, you can't. Mm-hmm.

And then one day it was like, I'm just gonna try. I'm gonna try to be happy. And this was years ago and it's taken years to do this. And when I woke up this morning, I laid in bed and I'm like, why am I smiling? Like I got up, I know I gotta go to work. I know I gotta go and make sure my dad's okay before I go to work. had stuff I had to handle. But I woke up like in the best mood and there was...

There was no rhyme or reason to the mood other than I worked that hard to kind of get happy, you know and just be good and happy with myself and it made me feel it made me feel good today. I just actually noticed it today. It's taken a lot of years to to come to that point, but it's all a choice like you can make things work. You know, I watch these these stupid shows where like the amazing race or

you you

Survival and stuff and whoever you're paired up with you could You can make it work it's all attitude and and willingness to participate and I think that that's what would make a good mate is just somebody that's going to show up Willing to participate and just wants to love on you. It doesn't take much more than that. I mean more comes from that but in order to start it and and

Right.

Right, that's a good point. That's a really solid point. You know, you choose to be happy. I there is something to that.

you know, to find a good mate, like start with that.

Thanks.

Yeah.

That is true. That is very true. Well, and one person can't make it happy. No matter what you do. You could be the greatest mate on the planet.

Because whether you make a relationship work or not, it starts with you. Nobody, nobody could say it's all you, it's all you. No, it's not. It's never one-sided. It's a big mess all the way across. Yeah.

No.

Mm-hmm.

You won't be happy unless the other person wants it to be happy It's a great point any last words Yep, and look when you're out there looking for your mate Stick to your guns, you know

Right?

If you want to make it work, will, and if you don't, it won't.

And I agree with Tina chemistry It's chemistry over everything is chemistry will give you a long happy relationship So All right, uh check us out on all the social medias man i'm jamming on them now You can go to facebook our facebook page our instagram page our x page. I update every wednesday friday with what happened for the week with the shows and uh

Yay.

And check us out pretty much people listen Although a lot of people are listening on another way and I I can't put my finger on it yet, but it's mostly Apple and Spotify we are like 60 downloads away from 10,000 so Yeah, we're we're a jamming and and look we appreciate it 10,000 downloads is pretty cool and I want to say it's like

Wow.

for almost 5,000 different people have listened to this show all over the world, all over the world. So we appreciate it and it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina. I'm Rob. We'll see you in a week. Bye.

See ya.