Learning to Thrive Beyond Pornography use was the greatest challenge of our life and marriage. It had rocked my self confidence, tainted all of the most important experiences of my life and become the most impossible challenge I had.

With this podcast or at https://www.GetToThrive.com you'll learn about the struggle, how to overcome pornography use, and where to find additional resources to begin to thrive beyond pornography with your spouse.

At some point I took a step away from all the 12 step meetings and councilors and started to figure out my own brain, to look at my issue as something that I had the answer to and I was going to figure it out. Here I share those lessons and give you the power to start your own journey free. Whether you struggle with unwanted pornography use or are the spouse or partner, whether you feel stuck or just don't know where to start, here I will teach you principles, tools and skills that you can use today to change how you think and, in the end, what you do.

You'll hear interviews with my spouse, with experts on human sexuality and with former and current pornography users on how you can overcome your own struggle with addictive behavior.

The Thrive Beyond Pornography podcast will bring new perspective to your struggle and keep you coming back to improve all aspects of your life. (formerly, The Self Mastery Podcast: Overcome Pornography Forever)

Episode 49

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And, as someone who had dealt with pornography in my own life and who had succeeded at overcoming it, I think he also wanted me around because he thought, if he spent time with me, that it would also help him. And Now, his company at the time was going through a rough patch and I needed to go since I was really the least useful person on his staff, making the most money really.

And for me, it was a relief. The truth was I had been moving away from working with him for a few months. I was not just there to provide value. I was really there to help my friend get his work done and help him really stay away from pornography while we worked. And I think that sounds like a really strange job description and some of you might say, well, that's babysitting and that's a very expensive babysitter.

But I want you to understand that I was doing this both because he and I were friends, but also because it was something that he was trying to do to help him achieve the things that he wanted to get done. Now, don't get me wrong, he had a great life, and he had a good income, and that's why he could hire me, and he did hire me, but he also needed someone to sit next to him while he was on the computer and help him so that he wouldn't look at pornography while he tried to work.

Now, interestingly, I once made the mistake of working on my own computer and facing the same direction he was, so an arm's length apart from him, but looking at my own computer and not his. And he was standing at his desk, where I was sitting. So we were, not that far apart, looking in the same direction.

And he was working merrily along, trying to build us a new company. And I was working merrily along, trying to build us a new company. And he stopped working for a moment, and he walked out of the office, and I assumed it was to go to the bathroom or to talk to his kids because we worked in his home office, and suddenly his wife came storming in and said, You need to put your computer up on his desk so that you can see his monitor at all times because he can't be trusted.

My friend, sheepishly, came back to his desk, right next to me. An arm length away from me, and started typing while his wife stood there with her head practically in flames. Now, don't get me wrong, I love both of these people, they're wonderful humans, and they're my favorite people. And he, the problem was, that he had been looking at pornography, Right next to me, he'd been flicking back and forth from what he was doing for work and what he was doing to feel something else, right?

Feel alive, feel less comfortable, uncomfortable, right? Because what he was doing, he was buffering and he was trying to feel less uncomfortable at that moment. That moment was one of the last times I actually worked side by side with my friends. It was probably the beginning of a rough patch in our friendship, and it was certainly the beginning of the end of our business dealings.

You see, he had been using me As he had been using so many other people and other things in his life to keep him safe. I don't fault him for that, and I don't want you to feel like he was using me as a statement of accusation at all. I want you to understand that what he was doing, he was literally paying me way too much to watch him use his computer.

So that he could feel safe. And in the moments after that, I think he realized that he was no longer safe. And once he was no longer felt that I was able to keep him safe while we worked, we only worked together maybe two or three more times in the next three months. And I had watched and I had studied my friend for years, at this point I knew a few things about him.

Part of the reason I believed that he had hired me, was that I had been open with my struggle to overcome pornography use in my life, and he desperately wanted to stop using pornography himself. And I think he will, and there are a lot of reasons why he will, and there are a lot of reasons that he's still held back.

But he has, by his own estimate, and his wife's, had an episode a week on average for 15 years, with little change. But that moment, that moment that he viewed pornography while I was sitting next to him made me think of a moment in my own past that I feel really super ashamed to admit. And until now, I've really never told anyone, not even my wife.

They could be listening to this right now and they would have no idea what I'm talking about. And in writing this, I feel empathy for my friend more than anything. I'm disappointed for my friend. I'm not disappointed in him. And I'm sorry that he's dealing with this. And I'm not angry that he looked at pornography while I was sitting there next to him.

I'm sad for his family. Not mad at his choices that may have jeopardized my own progress, right? Like, that could have, that could have been a moment where I started to go down my own path again, back to pornography. More than anything, I'm sympathetic to his wife who doesn't know what else to do and loves him.

I'm not upset that she yelled at me for not being a good enough, you know, good enough at my job to keep my friend from looking at pornography. The struggle is so tangible for so many. Some of you have done something similar, some of you have done something that you consider way worse. My own version of this story is a happy ending.

That episode where I was viewing pornography on my laptop in my living room while my friends sat opposite was not some great turning point. It wasn't even really a blip in the radar on my overall usage. It was just a moment. But it is a moment I can look back on and see the man I once was, With poignant clarity, it's an opportunity for me to see myself in the actions of others.

In some way, it is, I believe, a way to understand the role of the Savior, Jesus Christ, in my own process of healing and repentance. The man I worked with is someone who provided for my family for about a year when a dark cloud was hanging over us. He's not a caricature of that one moment. None of us are caricatures of our worst moments.

Each of us is a complex person, capable of greatness. We are all just as capable of making mistakes that sit with us for the rest of our lives. Those mistakes, they don't need to define us. What we do with them is what defines us. The moment I was let go, the moment my friend fired me had nothing to do with pornography.

It was all about his business and the need for his business to be able to thrive. And I was really, I really should never have been there. But I took the job because he wanted to give it to me. And that was okay, but the moment he fired me, I was free to pursue my own path, rather than build something that my friend wanted.

I stopped wavering about becoming a coach, and I set my whole future focus on becoming the number one LDS men's coach in the world. I wanted nothing more than to create a system, a process, a path that other men could walk in order to finally and forever leave pornography behind. I went to Jody Moore's B Bold Masters and I found a vocabulary.

And I found an understanding for the process that I had gone through to become free of my pornography usage. I had never really put into words what I did to become free from my addiction until then. I just did it. I worked on it every single day, and I did certain things. And then, every once in a while, my wife would ask me, What did you do to stop looking at pornography?

And I would describe a piece of what I was doing. And then, Jodi, when I found the work that she showed me, and the work that I learned at the Life Coach School when I became certified, I found a depth, I found an understanding, and I found reasoning behind how what I did worked. That's actually why I became a coach.

I could be doing anything. I had a successful career at a major insurance company. I had been an entrepreneur for some time as well. I have an advanced degree, and I love working with people. I'm great at sales, but being a coach for men and women who struggle with addictive behaviors, especially pornography use, is an opportunity to change people's lives in a way that they themselves are unaware is even possible.

I see it as a way to change the lives of those around me. So if you're struggling with addictive behaviors, pornography, overeating, excessive video game usage, let me help you. Sign up for this month's webinar. It's going to be on August 19th at seven o'clock. Feel free to come check it out. There's going to be a link in the description.

You're going to love it. It's going to be amazing and it's going to change your life. We'll talk to you soon.