What does it feel like when a spiritual awakening hits full speed and suddenly your relationships, identity, beliefs, and life direction begin to change all at once?

In this listener profile episode, Kelle Sparta sits down with Camille, a new spiritual seeker who found herself on what Kelle calls the "express train" of awakening. After reaching a breaking point in an unhealthy marriage, Camille dove headfirst into mediumship, shadow work, psychic development, Akashic Records, past-life exploration, and personal healing.

Together, they discuss the challenges of rapid spiritual growth, leaving behind old relationships, navigating loneliness during transformation, healing codependency, energetic protection, and why waiting for apologies from those who hurt us can keep us stuck.

This conversation offers an honest look at the messy, powerful, and deeply transformative process of spiritual awakening and personal evolution.

What You'll Learn

• Why spiritual awakening often changes your relationships
• The difference between grounding and centering during rapid transformation
• How mediumship can support personal healing and self-discovery
• Why spiritual seekers often experience periods of loneliness
• The connection between shadow work and breaking unhealthy patterns
• How codependency and empathy can become entangled
• Why waiting for an apology can keep you stuck in victimhood
• The importance of energetic protection and healthy boundaries

References Mentioned

• Mediumship development circles
• Shadow work
• Akashic Records
• Past-life exploration
• Astral projection
• Energetic protection practices
• Boundary work for empaths
• Recovery and 12-step principles
• Gwyneth Paltrow's The Goop Lab

Resources Mentioned

Shadow Work Readiness Quiz:

https://learn.kellesparta.com/shadowworkquiz

Discovery Call with Kelle Sparta:

https://kellesparta.com/discovery-call

Boundaries for Empaths Free Ecourse:

https://courses.kellesparta.com/products/courses/view/1144322

Note: Inner Peace 101 referenced in this episode is now called Welcome to the Woo.

https://learn.kellesparta.com/welcometothewoo

This episode explores many of the challenges faced by spiritual practitioners and seekers navigating rapid transformation, self-discovery, energetic development, and personal sovereignty. Spirit Guides School teaches that transformation requires discernment, capacity building, energetic responsibility, and sustainable growth rather than spiritual bypassing or dependency.

I'm Jules. Welcome back to another episode of Spirit Sherpa, the show that helps and encourages you on your journey to unlock your magic mojo. With me as always is the spirit doctor, Kelle Sparta. Happy New Year, Kelle. Happy New Year, Jules. Of course, you know- Happy New Year ... people, people who are listening to this are gonna find out about this much later.

Yeah, we just had New Year. We recorded this on... We just had New Year's, but this is actually not coming out until, like, what? Uh, holy crap. Uh- Long time ... the end of January. Yeah. No, we're gonna be like... It, it's just you guys are just gonna have to suck it up because we're, we're... It's, it's New Year's to us. So, um, welcome and, uh, and, and yeah, shit's going.

It's going, man. Things are just, like, exploding over here in, in a good way. Th- things are going really well, so. Really? Yeah. So- Now the volcano's not exploding? No, thank God, no, no. Okay, okay. So we have- That would be good ... friends coming into town, and that's fun. And then, you know, um, we just, we just put out our quiz last week and, uh, the am, am I ready or, no, it's the what is my shadow work readiness score quiz.

Yeah, and if you guys haven't taken that yet, it is on the homepage of my website at Kellesparta.com. It is really fucking awesome, and people are loving it. I say that because they are commenting that they are loving it. So, um- Sweet ... and yeah. And I'm getting all kinds of new clients coming in. It's like you can feel the energy of the new year coming in.

It's just like wa, wa, wa. It's fantastic. And we're on a new platform. We are. We are. And oh my God, people can see us now. Hi. Right? Hi. Holy fuck. Yeah. Right? Joey never wanted to be on film, so he, he talked me out, out of doing this. But we're gonna do it anyway. So if you're getting the audio podcast, you are getting the polished, uh, you know, edited version, uh, where you don't hear all of the stuff that we talk about in the beginning or the opening, you know, blotted love, you know, whatever.

Um, and if we flub up in the middle, you don't get that either. But if you come over to YouTube, you will get all the raw and unedited, and I do mean raw and unedited. It's just gonna go straight up on there, and, and that's how it's gonna fly. So, um, you know, you may wanna skip, well, may not wanna skip the first 10 seconds, but but this is how we fly.

So, um, so welcome to the new platform and the new us, and you know, my new haircut, which, you know, we were just discussing. But, um, you, you'll... If you're on YouTube, you're gonna notice that, that there's somebody sitting and staring at the screen that we haven't said anything to yet, and that's because, you know, we, we're, we're rude.

But so, so I've got- We're doing things in order. We have to think in order For some reason ... so we're a little, I, I'm a little punchy today, so th- you guys better buttle- buckle up. It's gonna be a fun ride. So um, I got this really cool email from Camille before, uh, like a few days ago. It was like, you know, just before the new year, and she's like, "Oh my God, I just found your podcast.

I love it. I've been binging it, and I just heard about the listener profile, and if you ever need a listener profile..." And I was like, "You know what? We haven't done one in forever. I'm gonna bump whatever was next, and you're on." And she was like, "What? What, you mean like next week?" I was like, "Yes." And she was like, "Crap.

Okay." So, uh, kudos to you, Camille, for being courageous and being like, "Okay," and welcome to the show. Well, it was more I said tomorrow, and you said yes. Yeah. It was more like- Right. Yeah. That's true. That's my bad. No, I was just like, "I'll, I'll make it work." It was the space I had available, you know? You know.

I had guests after that, so I couldn't move them, and I was like, "No, I wanna see her now. Let's talk now." So clearly it was nes- it was meant to be because you had the space. So you're a new listener, and you found us because we were talking before we started recording. You re- you said that, um, you had been searching for stuff on mediumship.

Yes. Um, I'm always searching, um, for my m- I'm in the car a lot or when I clean, um, I like a lot of development. Like, just stuff that I can be active. Like, I'm walking arou- around the house, so I wanna learn and, you know, get what I can. And so- I think a lot of people would relate to that. Yeah. They- I can't sit, so.

Yeah. A lot of our, our people come in, and they're just like, "I love you," and they start binging and binging and binging and binging, and they're doing, you know, the 24/7 binge thing. And they'll come back and say, "Yo, I've listened to 100 episodes in four days." I'm like, "Oh my God, did you sleep?"

I was up till 2:00 AM la- last night. Oh my God. Yeah. So you know, it, it, it is what it is. So the question that I have for you is how did you end up on this path? And what, what brought you here? So I was, uh, you know, I've, I was debating, um, this and, but I'm going to have to stick with being raw and real. Okay?

And, um, I have shied away from telling people how long I've been doing it because, um, I have gotten... I don't know if the right word is stigma, but, um- Like, so I've only been doing it about nine months, but the work that I've put in in nine months, I, my level has dramatically increased. Um, I mean, I was doing three to four circles a day maybe, and classes- Like circles, circles by yourself or circles with other people, or?

People. What kind of circles are we doing? We doing fire circles? We doing- Mediumship. Mediumship. Okay. And I just jump, like, well, so, so, but I'm not gonna, I don't wanna like jump around too much. But, um, but so pretty much I just felt like I've really, um, I get kind of, when I get into stuff, I get into stuff really crazy.

Like unhealthy, but it's fine. We're, we're healthy. No. Little ADHD. A little unhealthy. You know, but, um- That's called an overachiever, and that's our peeps. Yeah. So. That, that's what we do. Yeah. So I mean, I just wanted, I just wanna like so- I just wanted to soak up as much as I can, and I guess I am impatient, so when you asked me to come on, I wanted to work with you immediately, so I was like, "Yeah," you know, 'cause I can't wait either.

So, um, yeah. Impatient. Love it. Like I'll just quit my life, you know? It's fine. But no, but, um, so, but I, yeah. So I actually, what I found, I've always been really drawn to the psychic medium s- um, s- stuff, but I was somebody that believed that people had special powers, you know? I mean, I just thought like I just like, I'm average, you know?

So, um, and it wasn't until it was May of this year, um, I was, uh, really, really, um, f- My life force was, like, gray. I just, like, I was drained. I was n- a shell, and, um, and for me, that's very, very weird because, I mean, I just... It was just, I s- I... Yeah. So I just, um, I was having a lot of issues in my marriage. Um, my husband is, um...

He has borderline personality disorder, which is a form of narcissism, and I'm a pure empath who feels so sorry for ... And I'm, you know, with trauma, and I just, you know, um, and I'm also... I've realized I have issues, which is what made this a match, right? Um, and I received a reading from a medium who, uh, literally felt, just kept saying is, um, "You just don't have any self-love."

Like, w- my whole foundation was just scrambled because of the gaslighting, the manipulation, the blame-shifting, and

I lost, like, all sense of, like, reality it felt like, 'cause I, um, I just didn't trust my own reality anymore. And so I knew that I had to, um, to build my foundation, and so that's when I got into the medium shit because I was trying to grab onto something. And I was raised Catholic, but I don't, um, resonate with it, and so I was trying to find something to grab onto, and I just grabbed onto...

I just signed up for a class randomly, and then I just, I just got... It just accelerated And that's kind of where we are. Yeah, you, you are, um, you are at a place that I see a lot of spiritual seekers go through, which is you hit awakening and you pushed your foot to the floor. And you're like, "I was frustrated.

Here I come." Right? And, and, you know, s- so the, the good thing about that is that you make quick progress. The bad thing about that is that there's often destruction in its wake. Um, now I wanna say that the destruction in its wake is going to happen no matter what. It just happens very quickly because you've got your foo- foot to the floor.

So, you know, it starts to look like, "Oh, blah, blah, blah, I blew up my life." It's like, well, yeah, you blew up your life. You decided you wanted something else, and so everything that isn't something else had to go away, right? And that's how that flies. So, um, yeah, I, I'm assuming that you're experiencing that.

Yeah, I am. Um, I'm like, I look around and I'm like, "Where is everybody?" Like, but I don't want them and... But then, you know, you're alone. So that, I think that's, too, why I probably do a lot of cir- circles. It's my connection, I think, a little bit with people. Uh, the first thing I wanna say to you there is that you will be alone for a little bit, and then the new group of people who resonate with the new you will show up.

So there's always a fallow period between when the old group goes away and when the new per- new group comes in. You should see that as a sign of progress, not a sign of depression, uh, because, um, it, it just means that you're upleveling and the new group hasn't yet arrived. I understand that. It makes sense.

I can, I can, I can attest to that. Yeah, I can attest to that. It's the same thing that happened to me, and I was like, "I'm feeling all by myself over here." And, and then all of a sudden, it's the weirdest thing. You will... You know, if you get into crystals or whatever, like for me it was crystals, all of a sudden these, all these crystal people come show up in my life.

And all the, you know, my woo-woo friends show up, you know? And I was like, "Oh my God, this is crazy." You know? So it's, um, it's an opportunity to make new friends and, you know, like minds and, and be, like a supportive group too. Yeah. Yeah, 'cause I, I do and I'm... Is that I've, um, I have been on this, this, um, line of like is this healthy or not healthy?

You know? And so I'm glad to hear you say, like, this is part of the process 'cause I just... But I just know, like I just don't have need for the people and... But then there's still, like that other side, you know? It's like a weird spot to be in. I've had moments in my life where I've looked back and I've said, "Wow, there's a lot of people who got left behind."

And- If I'm, i- if I have been in a, um, r- really negative state of mind, it's very easy to say, "Oh, look, I'm so cold with all these people, and I should've been able to stay friends, and blah, blah, blah." And, but then, you know, when I'm in a good state of mind, I'm like, "Right, yeah, I outgrew them. Life, life goes on.

They, they didn't walk the same path I did. They went a different direction. You know, we, we parted ways," you know, whatever. But I, I wouldn't want to be friends with them today, per se, um, just because we're just in different places, right? So yeah, I mean, it's, it, it, the key is to not judge yourself around it.

The key is to recognize that it is a natural part of the process. And, you know, it, it's, it's the same as when I was a kid and we would move from one duty station to the next when my mom was being transferred, and I would just pick up new friends and leave behind the old friends because, you know, I was a kid, and how did I, what did I know about keeping in touch with people, right?

But it's like, you know, you move forward, and it's, it's what's meant to be 'cause that's where you are, right? You be where you are. And I think I needed so badly to, like, move. Like, I was stagnant, and I just needed to move, and then it, like, I just felt that, like, it was necessary. So, um, uh, how much of your life have you blown up?

That's the question. Um, I actually said to someone today, I said, "If, um, if my mom took my kids for a week and said, 'Camille, do whatever you want,'" I go, "I, I don't have one person to call, not one." And so I mean, I j- I don't even know who I'd call. Did you divorce your husband too? Um, yeah, we're, we're on that route.

Um, he's in active addiction right now, and, um, really bad. And so, um, and that's what's... That's why I'm not free completely 'cause I still feel, um, I don't know why, it's that empath in me. I feel responsible for his life. But, um, but I'm separ- Like, I haven't seen him in two months, but I'm still emotionally, he's emotionally, like, dependent on me I feel like, so.

Yeah, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you, uh, a piece of advice from my husband who is in recovery for 15 years, and is, has been part of the AA community for a long time. And he's, h- what he would say is you have to let them fall. If they cannot hit bottom, they will not bounce up. They may not make it through hitting bottom, but if they don't hit bottom, they cannot bounce up.

Sadly, that is the case, and some people don't make it through, but that is the generally accepted wisdom. Um, you can't save someone from themselves. You know, the best thing to do is let them be with themselves until they can't be with themselves and they decide to change. Yeah. It's, it's, um, yeah, I said I haven't seen him in two months, but I still answer the phone, I still, you know, and I...

It's just, it's... But, um, that's really hard. It's just hard for that part. There are, um, AA sort of programs for spouses. So you may wanna, I don't know what addiction he's in, but, but there are 12-step programs for spouses, and that might be something to take a look at because that, that gives you some very clear advice from people who are in it with you.

I th-- and this is, and this is where a lot of my shadow work needed to come in is, um, this has brought up trauma for me. Um, my brother died from drugs, and, um, I'm always like, "How do I come full circle in life?" I was raised by a nar- a narcissist. I married one. My brother died from drugs. My husband's on what drug a- Like, I don't know why I can't break this cycle my life is in, and that's what I was like, "I need to do."

So I needed to pivot, but I'm still in the cycle somehow, you know? I'm betting that you have guilt around your brother's death. I have, I have guilt, but I was probably the hardest one on him, and I don't regret that. And I know that, um, I, I was, I was not an enabler, and so I don't have guilt around that. I just...

But there is guilt around, you know, his loss, but Yeah. So it's hard. So it feels like what you've done has manifested an opportunity to do things differently, that, that implies that there's guilt left over, um, from the previous one. Unfortunately, with this sort of stuff, the hardest problem is to recognize that sometimes it's you or them.

That, you know, you can't go off the cliff with them. Th- you going off the cliff with them doesn't keep them from going off the cliff. And one thing that, um, 'cause I, actually also, my dad was alcoholic, and, um, he's passed. And, um, I had actually picked up the burden for all of that. You know, kids have an innate sense of, uh, being able to blame themselves for everything, and I had been carrying around that burden forever.

Um, and so when I learned to let go of that burden, cut those ties so it didn't come back, literally it's a huge weight that was off my shoulders, and I actually did that with the help of, um, a medium. Um, and so I went for a reading, Dad comes through, and I'm like, "Okay, let's just have it out right now.

Let's go. You know, I'm ready for, you know, dukes up, let's go." And he was like, "I was completely wrong. I completely apologize." The man never, ever said that while he was alive. Um, and he was like, "Look, this is my burden. I was supposed to learn this life lesson. I screwed up my own life. I didn't, 'cause I was scared to death to have a family."

That was his thing he was supposed to overcome. He was like, "So I'll be repeating that in the future." So he said, "But that's my burden." And he says, "You need to let go of that. It's not yours to carry, it's mine." So he says, "I'm taking it back." And that was ridiculously healing for me. I mean, he and I are fine now.

Like, I talk to him and stuff, and he comes and hangs out with me, you know, spiritually and everything. Um, and we're cool now. Um, but before that, I just despised the man. Was it, was it the acknowledgement that kind of healed it? 'Cause- It was him- ... I've never acknowledged what's there ... taking r- his responsibility and not blaming Tom, Dick, and Harry about it.

So, you know, and him realizing that, "Those were my choices. I screwed you up. I screwed the family up," because our family suffered because of his choices. Um, and now this is my life, so now I get to set the boundaries, create healthy boundaries or, you know, for myself, and then be able to heal from that and move forward.

You know? So I just wanted to offer that to you as far as just from my experience, that's what I can speak to. And I do, and I, I, I resonate with that because I, um, I keep s- I keep feeling like what is hurting my, my heart the most is just never being, um, a- Like when wrongs or mistakes are done, no, like they don't, like it's never acknowledged or apologized for.

And so it's hard to just ... It ... I've been, I've been saying of like it makes you feel like you don't matter because you don't even deserve an, an acknowledgement or an apology. And, and with my dad, he couldn't give what he didn't have. So he did not have the capacity while he was living to actually process what he's all done.

It wasn't until literally he crossed over and he went, "Oh man, really? Crap." And, you know, um, and then he was able to process that. So he couldn't give me an apology and a- and do that. It, it wasn't within him to do so 'cause he just thought this is the way life was. And this is what I was all told in the, you know, throughout the conversation, you know.

Um, he couldn't give what he didn't have. And I don't know your situation or anything like that. Maybe that's part of, and that's probably part of the healing and all. Th- it's great that Jewel got, uh, s- that, that you got a, an apology, you know- Mm-hmm ... a pos- posthumous apology. Uh, but, um, that almost never happens.

Okay? And so one of the biggest challenges that I see with spiritual seekers is that they get really attached to that apology. I'm owed an apology. And it's like, well, if you're attached to it, you're always gonna be in victim mode because they're, the power is with the person who has to give the apology in your mind.

And so you have no power in that scenario. Whereas if you acknowledge that they are humans who are limited and only have so much to offer, and they did the best they could with what they had, and it was insufficient, but it was the best they could with what they had, then you have to look at not I'm owed an apology, but I'm angry And if you can separate the anger from the person, then you can just let the anger out of your body and say, "You know, I deserved better, and I'm not dependent upon an apology, an acknowledgement of that to deserve better."

Right? That way you're just saying, "I deserved better, and I should have gotten it, and I, I am never going to allow this in my life again to, to be this way." Right? Um, then you take the power back in the scenario, and you are not dependent upon the person giving you an apology that they are almost never gonna give you.

I mean, like, yeah, uh, before or after death, one in a thousand, maybe more, gets an apology. So you should just not expect a freaking apology, right? There will be none forthcoming. You know, my dad never apologized to me, um, and that's just how it is, right? So, you know, these are the things that happen, and it's okay.

You know, you just... You have to get to the point where, um... And I can hear people going, "It's not okay." People are like, "It's not okay." It's like, look, you can either sit in your anger and your upset, or you can take your power back and move on with your life and say, "This is never coming. I'm going to accept that.

I'm gonna accept that I'm never gonna get the apology I want. I'm never gonna get the parent that I wanted. I'm never gonna get the, the nurturing that I wanted, that I deserved, the love that I wanted and deserved. I'm never gonna get that from this person. So I can't fix the past. All I can do is fix the future.

So let me make some changes in my life today, and I w- I will make sure, I will make sure that I get sufficient love. I will make sure that I get sufficient support. I will make sure that I nurture myself sufficiently. I will make sure that all of those things are handled, and I will parent myself better than my parents parented me."

Okay? Or, you know, then my parents didn't parent me, and they required me to parent them in a lot of instances, right? You know, that's often the case. So you're saying, like, the expectations is kind of what's holding people back a lot is the expectations, um, of others? Yeah. Well, demands. It's not just expectations, it's demands.

It's like, "You must apologize to me or I'm not having anything to do with you." So when you don't demand it or expect it, you release it pretty much. Yeah, it just doesn't get you anywhere. 'Cause then you're defining, um... This is what I learned at Inner Peace 101. Just saying. Um, part, part of the program is we make our own definitions, and it's defining our lives how we want to define them.

Not trying to live my life by somebody else's definitions, 'cause why? They don't get a vote. This is my life Yeah. So tell us a little bit more about your journey. Tell us, tell us what... So you, you came to this, what was the trigger that brought you in? Brought me to, to you or in? To spirituality.

Spirituality. Uh, the trigger. Um, the trigger was, um, in, when I signed up for that first course, what really made me dive more into it was the leader of the, the course. She read me, and she just was speaking more to my guides, I think, in, in that course. Like, she was more guides, angels, that kinda... And, um, she was just literally saying that, um, the way I viewed myself is what keeps attracting a lot of this to me.

And I, and if I really wanted to break this cycle, I could leave my husband, and I will probably attract the same thing in another form. And so basically saying it's 'cause I am, I'm a mess, you know, pretty much, right? And, um, just she... I mean, she really gave me the hard truth. I always, I always need things that way.

Like, I don't take it seriously till somebody kicks me, is how, uh, I feel, you know? So, um, but she said that I, I just, um, she said what was funny is my guides said I had to do mirror, mirror work. And she, at first she was channeling it, and she was like, "You know, three times." And then she goes, "Wait, they're saying to do it 10 times a day for three weeks."

And she, she goes, "I've never told anyone to do that much mirror work." Like, and I was like, "Oh,

okay. I'm sorry." Like, uh, you know? Awkward. But, you know. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. The awkward moment is not her channeling or that the spirit guides. The awkward moment is, "Oh, by the way, do this three times a day for three weeks." That, see, that's what I love about the woo-woo world. That's the awkward moment.

Which, but, but then, no, but, yeah, but she's like, "Like, I've never gave someone that much to do." And I was like, "I'm that, I'm that, um, empty of self-love?" I don't know. Uh,

so, you know, all right. So you, you had a, you know, hardcore kick-ass reading is really what, what got you there. What brought you to the reading? So it was, I don't know how I found her course. I think I was just really upset after a terrible fight, and I really felt like he was sucking the love of life out of me, like I had no life force.

And I was Googling, um, I was... Okay, actually I remember what started it now. Netflix came out with the Gwyneth Paltrow, the Goop show, and there was one episode about, was it ch- the mediums? Was it mediums? She had like the circle, the healing, and I was like, "I need this." Like, you know? "I just need this. I need to do this."

I just... And I was- so I started Googling, Googling. Um, sadly, there's not really a lot in Pittsburgh, like in person. I really couldn't find anything. Um, and then of course my, um, now, now, now, the class had, a class had to start like tomorrow. So, um, so that limited the, um, my choices, and so I just grabbed this class.

And, and what really changed me though was in that reading, and I didn't tell her any of this, but this is what really changed my life, is she said, "He has a soul contract. He is never going to change." And she repeated that three times. And she goes, "You keep..." I, 'cause I was hanging on to there's hope, there's hope, there's hope, there's hope.

And she said, "He's never going to change." And she brought in my brother, and he said, "He's never going to change." Like, and I just, she kept saying it and saying it, and I was like, "He's never going to change." Like, you know? I have to get out now before it takes me with it. Like, and that, that reading, I, I just, I don't even under- think she understands that it, it made me move.

So, and so you've been on the express train ride for the next ni- uh, for the, for the last nine months. Tell, tell, tell our listeners what an express train ride feels like. I've been doing past lives. I've been doing, um, root cause therapy. I've been doing Akashic. I've been, I've been doing lucid dreaming. I, I dabbled in, um, astral projection.

I don't... This is embarrassing to say it out loud. No, our audience loves this, trust me. And, and you're gonna, yeah, and you're gonna say something, I'm gonna go, "Whoa, whoa, what is that?" So keep going.

So I think then, like, the shadow work is something that ... The shadow work and past lives is something that keeps coming up for me, and it's feeling like intuition or it's like bring- it keeps, things keep, keep being brought to me about this. Um, obviously I keep asking to like, for help to heal 'cause I solely, I mean, I solely entered mediumship to heal.

Um, and there's just this layer that, like, I'm not getting to the deep nitty-gritty. What, what are you trying to do? I've never heard the words mediumship and healing put together before, so tell me- Really? ... tell me how you're using that. Yeah. I feel, and this is like definitely like, like I, I think m- I will say a mistake I made was I had a lot of my hands in a lot of pots.

A lot of teachers with those pots. And so I have, now that I'm further down the line, I'm just taking what feels correct to me, and I will say with the mediumship is I can't be a good channel if I have all this shit, right? 'Cause then my shit comes out on your shit, so. Yay, I project all my crap all over you.

Yes, yes. Yes, that's exactly what happens. So how are you using mediumship to heal, though? How are you doing that? That's, um, interesting because I have ... In, in my experience, this is, like, crazy, um, in these circles, people I don't know, I'm often paired with people who I can resonate and relate to, and the messages I can take for myself.

That happens all the time. But the one ... I have to say this one story, 'cause I just ... I ... It blew ... I cried hysterically on Zoom in front of 20 people 'cause it blew me away. I, um, there was an altercation with my husband, like physical, physical. I called the police. They took him away, and I was late for my circle.

So I hopped on after I just was in ... the cops in my home. He's gone. I hop on circle, because to me, like, that's where I feel better. I hate saying that. And I'm ... The teacher, he let me chill for a minute, but then it was my turn, and I connected, and I held back a lot of the evidence I was given 'cause I thought it was mine.

I thought it was my crap, that d- I'm too fresh, I'm too ... I was still shaking from, like, trauma. And when I was giving ... this guy was giving his feedback, and the tea- the tea- tea- tea- teacher stopped, stopped him and said ... Um, 'cause I felt like he knew what I got. It's like ... It's almost like he seemed like he knew what I got, and I didn't say it.

The ... This brother, this guy lost his sister who ... from domestic violence, and I didn't say that biggest piece 'cause I thought it was mine, and I just started sobbing 'cause I was like, "I thought that was me. I thought it was me." And it just like ... It just always blows me away how, like, spirit connects me with people who I can

It can help both of us, it almost seems like in a way, and it just blows me away. Yes, it does that constantly. I, I did a series of readings, uh, you know, three days ago for a, a New Year's party, uh, fundraiser for the Rotary Club here, and I did a reading for somebody, and one section of that reading, I had a call the next day with a friend of mine.

We exchange readings for each other once a month. Um, and sh- she said the exact same thing to me that I said to that woman in the reading. It was the exact same thing, and I was like, "Yeah, okay." That's validation. Right? That's validation. But yeah, it happens all the time. All the time. So you are not wrong there.

It isn't y- not your imagination. So that's why that healing to me, it's, it's not as strong as me going inward myself. Like it's not as ... But it's definitely there. Yeah. Do you know where your Pluto is in your chart, in your astrological chart? So I am actually not too familiar with like, um- Okay ... the astrology.

Like I know I'm an Aries, you know? Um. Okay. I'm just curious because, you know, the ... That's a seeing yourself in reflection. And so, um, Pluto's in my 12th house. It's, it's one of the very few things I know about astrology. So I know that because Pluto's in my 12th house, house, I do my, my work in reflection, right?

A lot of it is, is from what I see reflected outside of me, and I, I bring it back to me. Um, and that was what it was sounding like, so I was curious if your Pluto was in your 12th house or not. I'll have to let you know. I'll, I'll, I'll email you after if, if it is. Yeah, that's awesome. So well, this has been great.

We've, we've gone way over time. Oh, heck. I am sorry. Well, I just wanted to say one more thing. No, not you. Why are you apologizing? You were too interesting. This is why I wanna say one more thing 'cause it's about your podcast is why I'm like binging it, is, um, the protection that you talk about, um, I've never pr- I've never protected myself, and I'm doing four circles a day, and I do hair.

I'm touching people. I mean, I'm like ... Picture the gunk I got, right? Um, yeah, it's frightening, isn't it? Um, I, again, I was I think I, I ... I don't wanna call it naive. Maybe my to- my to- my toxic trait is I'm an avoider. Um, so I just act like it's not there. It's not your toxic trait, it's your primary resistance.

Okay? It's one of the resistance patterns that we talk about in Inner Peace is avoidance. It's one of the most common resistances on the planet. Mine's so bad. So- 100%. Yeah. Well, and that's okay. I mean, you just need to know that that's what's true, and then just overcome it, right? 'Cause, you know, it, it's, it's a really common one.

So, and the answer to it is just do it anyway, you know? That's the only way to fix an avoidance one, is just do it anyway, right? It's, it's a Nike moment, right? So, um, y- you brought us back to something and my brain just lost it. The protections. Protection, yeah. Definitely need some fucking protection. Let's just say that, right?

So, um, y- yeah, when you've got all of this stuff going on... And this is one of the things, and I, I will tell you guys that when I jumped on the express train, I didn't have my protections up either. Um, and I, and I didn't even know how to hold my boundaries in a, as an empath, and I didn't know a lot of things.

And, you know, this is one of the reasons why I blew up, blew up so often, you know? That, um, because I wasn't aware of what was going on for me, much less for... I knew what was going on for everybody else, but I had no idea how it was impacting myself, right? Um, yeah. And so, you know, I monitor everybody else and be like, "Oh, you guys are all on," blah, blah, blah.

And then suddenly I'm sitting there on the floor because I blew up or I fell over or I burned out or, you know, whatever. Um, and so taking care of yourself is your number one priority. You can't take care of anybody else until you take care of yourself. And, you know, I'm, I'm glad you brought this up because it is huge, right?

It's huge. So, um, yeah, we'll talk about this after the call. After the podcast. Um, and, um, but, you know, we can't do what we don't know to do, right? I didn't know to put up a shield. I didn't know to put up, to, to change my boundaries. I didn't know. I just wish that would be like the 101s with medium. Like, it just depends on who your te- your teacher is and- And whether or not they were ever taught And that's part of the problem, right?

I've been studying this stuff for 48 years now. That's a long time, and I finally feel like I have a clue, right? 48 years, and I finally feel like I have a clue. You know? It, it took that long. So, you know, the, the thing that you have to recognize is that your teachers are doing the best that they can with the information that they received, and they had just as little idea of what a curriculum would be as you do.

And, you know, with all of the randomness that's out there right now, it's really hard to know what's right and what isn't right, and there's a huge amount of misinformation out there, which I think is even worse than it was... It, it is absolutely worse than it was when I was growing up because I didn't have misinformation.

I just had a lack of information in a lot of places. So it's hell That's why I've been searching for it, and I resonated. I felt, I trust my, my gut, and I... 'cause there's so much misinformation, even podcasts, and I'm searching, I'm searching, and that's why when I say I binged it, I was binging all of these clearings.

And I called Karen, I called Karen already, like, you know, from Ghosts Be Gone. I'm like, "I'm on it, okay?" Yeah, you are. Called Karen Baskind? Yeah. Yeah, I called her. I'm like, "Help."

She's awesome. You're gonna love her. Listen, I'm not messing around. Yeah, you're not. You, you are on it.

You're in it to win it, baby. So yeah. So y- you know, you're doing everything right. You're, you're... You know, the only challenge that you're having right now is that you're judging yourself for it. So my, my strong encouragement to you would be to just say, "Fuck it, and I'm gonna do what the hell I wanna do, and I'm gonna not worry about it, and I'm not gonna listen to people who judge me for it, including myself."

Right? So, you know, that's, that's really the best you can do in this moment, right? Um, and just keep moving forward because, uh, eventually we get where we need to go, and you are always exactly where you are meant to be in the moment So, you know, be okay with that. Don't, don't be going, "Oh, I should've been there faster."

I, I... You know, you're relatively young. What, how old are you? 30. Oh, yeah, you're, you're a baby. So um, but you know, I get, I get women in here who are in their 60s and 70s who are like, "Oh, I wish I'd started sooner." And then I get people in their 30s going, "Oh, I wish I'd started sooner." And I'm like, "You know, it- it's all relative, right?"

Yeah. So, um, you know, just the key is not to wish you had started sooner. The key is to be where you are because you'll get there faster than, than distracting yourself with wishing you had started sooner. Makes sense. So, uh, if you guys have been listening to this and you're going, "Whoa, I feel like I'm where Camille is," and I'm, "I'm on the express train and I have no idea what I'm doing."

Uh, the first thing I'm gonna say is don't ground. Don't ground. Don't ground. Because y- you, when you're on the express train, grounding is like trying to stick a pole through the bottom of a, a freight train running out of control. You're gonna get hurt. Center, do not ground. You wanna center into the center of your being so that you can stay liquid, right?

If you're a SWAT person. I love SWAT. He's so a... He, he's so yummy. Um, and Shamara Moore, oh my God, I've got such a thing for Shamara Moore. Anyway, the, the the, um... There, there's... You need to be able to stay liquid. You need to be able to stay moving and, and, and in your center, and that's, that's the best way to do it when you're moving this fast, is stay centered, okay?

And then the next thing I'm gonna say is if you want an accelerated path that doesn't have to be wildly out of control and, and insanely, you know, random, um, you know, come see me. That I am the express train girl. This is what I do. I, I take people through processes much faster than you normally get in your day-to-day life, and I do it in a way that is easeful and not traumatizing, so, um- And not blowy uppy selfie.

And not blowy uppy selfie, yes. So set up a discovery call. There'll be a link in the show notes. We'd love to talk to you and, uh, defi- figure out where you are in your process and get you started, uh, on that express train in a way that is more, uh, structured and, uh, sane and, uh, and, and, and some seat belts, yeah.

Not all.

Yeah, a few seat belts, not all the seat belts. But yeah, there we go. And so that's it for this week. Right? Yeah. So well, uh, you have a Kelleism, uh, uh, Kelleism for the beginning of the year? Ground. No, don't ground. Center. Don't ground. Center. Yeah. Center. When on the stress train, don't ground, center. Yes.

Center, and woo-hoo- There you go. That was your Kelleism ... we're moving forward. All right. Well, tune in next time, folks, when Kelle adds another chapter into your guide to energy, magic, and the spirit world. I'm Jules here with Kelle Sparta- Driving down the road. And Camille O'Malley. And you have been listening to Spirit Sherpa.

Bye, guys. So long. Bye.