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The Power of ADHD Self-Trust: Navigating Change with Caroline Britton
Episode 18317th October 2024 • The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast • Kate Moryoussef
00:00:00 00:46:35

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In this powerful episode I interview intuitive coach – and dear friend – Caroline Britton to explore how women with ADHD can navigate life-changing transitions with ease and self-compassion. 

Caroline is a gifted energy worker, mentor and guide and is frequently described as a magic maker by those who work with her. Her innate gift for unlocking connection, power and potential has transformed the lives of thousands of people around the world.

In this exclusive episode, she shares her experience of leaving the corporate world and navigating divorce, emphasising how tuning in to your body and intuition is vital when facing change and uncertainty. 

Together, we talk about:

  • Understanding intuition and its role in navigating change.
  • Overcoming fear and uncertainty by taking small, actionable steps towards your dream life without being driven by fear.
  • Challenging societal expectations that can hold you back, and learning to trust your inner voice and unique journey.
  • The importance of self-compassion: setting boundaries and trusting the continuous journey of self-discovery. 

Whether you're newly diagnosed with ADHD or need help to navigate change, this episode offers practical insights and encouragement to help you trust your inner guidance and embrace transformation.

Connect with Caroline Britton on Instagram: @carolinebrittoncoaching or visit her website www.caroline-britton.com

Timestamps:

  • Understanding intuition and nudges (02:42)
  • Navigating fear and uncertainty (07:46)
  • Taking action and overcoming fear (13:54)
  • The role of self-talk and self-compassion(17:01)
  • The importance of boundaries and self-care (21:43)
  • The continuous journey of self-discovery (28:18)

Try Kate's new Apple podcast subscription, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit, here

Try The Herbtender's products here with 15% off using code kate15

Have a look at some of Kate's workshops and free resources here.

Kate Moryoussef is a women’s ADHD Lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed ADHD women find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity. 

Follow the podcast on Instagram here.

Follow Kate on Instagram here.

Find Kate's resources on ADDitude magazine here.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Transcripts

Kate Moore Youssef:

Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing podcast.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm Kate Moore Youssef, and I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, eft practitioner, mum to four kids, and passionate about helping more women to understand and accept their amazing ADHD brains.

Kate Moore Youssef:

After speaking to many women just like me, and probably you, I know there is a need for more health and lifestyle support for women newly diagnosed with ADHD.

Kate Moore Youssef:

In these conversations, you'll learn from insightful guests, hear new findings, and discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm, and purposeful life wherever you are on your ADHD journey.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Here's today's episode.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'll bring you back in a guest that we've had before and who was so well received that we just thought, let's do it again.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's my gorgeous friend, Caroline Brittone, who has navigated and guided me on many, many bumpy roads.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I'm just so glad to bring Caroline back because her unique blend of coaching, which is intuitive, and she specializes in energetics and spiritual connection.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But she also helps so many female entrepreneurs, male entrepreneurs, people just wanting to make change in their life, people who want to transform.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And through Caroline's unique guidance, she helps people see, I guess, what's always been there.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But we maybe have found it very difficult to see ourselves.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So, Caroline, welcome back to the podcast.

Caroline Brittone:

Thank you.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm absolutely delighted to be here.

Kate Moore Youssef:

If anyone is interested, you need to go back to Caroline's initial episode that we did, and I'll link it back into the show notes.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But I think we decided today that we wanted to talk a little bit about navigating change and transformation, because many people are going through this right now, and I'm going to maybe speak to my audience, because if you are listening now, and this change in this transformation has come in the guise of a late diagnosis of ADHD neurodivergence, finally understanding your cells and your brain, your nervous system, what you've gone through your whole life, but haven't been able to articulate it, not, you know, been able to understand it all the blocks, the lack of clarity.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I mean, I relate to it so much.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And Caroline was there from the very beginning, has seen this kind of evolution that I think I'm still going through.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And you see this so much in your client base, don't you, in your community, that there's just, is there something that's going on intrinsically in this sort of collective, that people are just going, sod this?

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm not doing this anymore.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah, 100%.

Caroline Brittone:

I think we were having a brief conversation, weren't we, before we came on air about the amount of change that I'm seeing people in my life and my clients going through at the moment.

Caroline Brittone:

And I.

Caroline Brittone:

Yes, I do think there's a big shift in the collective consciousness.

Caroline Brittone:

I think there is a massive awakening of not being able to live through the limited, wounded, egoic self anymore.

Caroline Brittone:

And actually, it's about being true to who you are, and it's about connecting in with your soul, your guidance.

Caroline Brittone:

And the way that I describe it, it's always like that nudge that won't go away.

Caroline Brittone:

That's what I think a lot of people are, is it's like, usually you get the niggle and you can just push it down and think it's nothing, and then it's just getting louder and louder and louder.

Caroline Brittone:

Fundamentally, it's calling for a lot of us to step into the change, which is obviously, you know, terrifying for people.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So, you know, if someone's listening and they are, they're not understanding the words.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Energetics, spiritual connection, intuition.

Kate Moore Youssef:

They have been in this sort of world where it's just been brain based thinking, logical.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Everything has to make sense, that their career has to make sense.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And the word nudges are like, well, what is that?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that an idea?

Kate Moore Youssef:

I think it takes someone to bring that out, and you definitely did that to me because everything I did was brain based.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And it was like, well, that doesn't make sense.

Kate Moore Youssef:

That's not logical, so I can't do that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But there'd be something deep inside of me that would say, I want to start podcast.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I want to write a book, I want to help people.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But I didn't know how to make any of that happen.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I didn't even know, like, I could do it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, what are these words?

Caroline Brittone:

It's a great question.

Caroline Brittone:

So, it's basically your body giving you signals that something is off.

Caroline Brittone:

So it can feel like discomfort.

Caroline Brittone:

It can feel like lack of clarity.

Caroline Brittone:

It can feel like a sense that something's just not quite right.

Caroline Brittone:

So when we live, and I worked in the corporate world for 14 years and lived very much through my head and very much through logic and reason and intuition, as I call it, is in the body.

Caroline Brittone:

It's a feeling.

Caroline Brittone:

So there is a feeling that there's something more for you.

Caroline Brittone:

There's a feeling that something's not right.

Caroline Brittone:

There's a feeling that something's off.

Caroline Brittone:

And no matter how in your head you are, we all experience things with our body.

Caroline Brittone:

You know, just this nudge of, I don't want to walk down that path tonight, or I don't think I should go and do that, or there's something about that person, or this place feels a bit weird.

Caroline Brittone:

We do have lots of experiences through our body, and it's very, very similar when you're being what I call nudged.

Caroline Brittone:

Nudged is a feeling within your body that something isn't quite right and that something's trying to get your attention.

Caroline Brittone:

That's the best way I'd explain it.

Caroline Brittone:

And so I guess we'll come to how you uncover that.

Caroline Brittone:

But I would say that is.

Caroline Brittone:

That's what it is, is your body is trying to tell you something.

Caroline Brittone:

And then often when we don't listen, it gets louder and louder and louder.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah, yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I know that that can come in the form of physical health.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, mental health issues, breakdowns in relationships, your career kind of crumbling before, you know, things almost just like, blowing up before your eyes.

Caroline Brittone:

All shutting can feel like chaos.

Caroline Brittone:

You know, that they.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah, it can feel like, gosh, why are all these doors shutting?

Caroline Brittone:

Why are things happening here?

Caroline Brittone:

It's like a big movement that goes on in our external environment, and it's basically a force greater than me rearranging things.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I mean, it's terrifying, isn't it, when these things happen?

Kate Moore Youssef:

But I think the more work I do, like, the inner work that I do, the more spiritual work I do, I see that actually the change and change, like, this rumbling of change, that it can feel very unsettling and scary and, like, thinking, what the hell?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, I've worked so hard for all of this, or this wasn't the way my life was meant to look.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And then all of a sudden, it's kind of.

Kate Moore Youssef:

There's a clarity there of, well, actually, you know, maybe this rug being pulled from underneath me is what I've not been listening to for many, many years.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I've been seeing this in my community and my clients that the ADHD diagnosis has been coming for a long time because they've had so many different things that have been going on in their life.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, mental health crises, lots of physical health, you know, women's health issues.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Maybe perimenopause is like, you know, creeping up lots of hormonal issues and we've been too busy and we've been so focused on productivity and achievement and this external validation of what success looks like.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And then actually, it's kind of like, well, no, I need to stop.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Go within, stop listening and changing things.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And it can feel really scary and we feel like we don't know what we're doing and we might need our hand holding.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I know that coaching can be very, very helpful.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Are you noticing women, especially, like, in their forties, mid forties, that this seems to.

Kate Moore Youssef:

That there is a pattern there where we're just not willing to, I guess, subscribe to the way our life was and there's a shift that we are just desperate for, but we don't even know what it is.

Caroline Brittone:

Yes, women are men, right.

Caroline Brittone:

And I think there is something around late thirties into forties where there is a shift.

Caroline Brittone:

But, you know, these shifts can happen at any time in our lives.

Caroline Brittone:

I can look back and see huge times of transformation from the age of, like, you know, 21 and then a big one at 30 and then a big one at 36.

Caroline Brittone:

So I can see them at different stages.

Caroline Brittone:

And what I would say is just to address your point around change feeling scary.

Caroline Brittone:

Yes.

Caroline Brittone:

I mean, it is scary because change is unknown.

Caroline Brittone:

And what does the ego fear?

Caroline Brittone:

It fears the unknown.

Caroline Brittone:

The ego loves familiarity.

Caroline Brittone:

It just wants to keep us safe.

Caroline Brittone:

So it's like, just let's just keep things as they were and we'll be safe.

Caroline Brittone:

And we know that that's not the nature of life.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, life changes, there's deaths, there's rebirth.

Caroline Brittone:

That's cyclical.

Caroline Brittone:

It's just the part of the human experience.

Caroline Brittone:

It's like the whole spectrum of it.

Caroline Brittone:

So change is scary.

Caroline Brittone:

That's not a bad thing.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Caroline Brittone:

That what we're actually scared of is that we can't have necessarily see exactly what comes after the storm, right after the chaos, after the clearing of the energy, we can't see it.

Caroline Brittone:

And that's terrifying.

Caroline Brittone:

When we want to control, that's what we want to do.

Caroline Brittone:

Because control, we think, equals safety.

Caroline Brittone:

And that's not true.

Caroline Brittone:

Safety is always within.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Caroline Brittone:

You can find deep, deep feelings of safety when you feel like you're in the storm.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah, for sure.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And it's.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's safe to feel familiar, even if the familiar doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel aligned anymore.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But it's like you're safe.

Kate Moore Youssef:

At least you know what to expect.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, what the outcome is going to be.

Kate Moore Youssef:

How do we do that?

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, how do we navigate so much fear in our bodies?

Caroline Brittone:

What I think is a really powerful thing to do is the first thing that's going to come up when you, when you're starting to feel the sense that you need to make some change is your mind is going to tell you that you have to fix and do, I would actually say at the very beginning, come away from you needing to fix or do anything and say, at the moment, all I've got to do is observe and be honest.

Caroline Brittone:

So this really helped me because the overwhelm of some of the seismic decisions that I was being called to make was too much in my nervous system to start thinking how I'd even begin.

Caroline Brittone:

So I always made this agreement with myself where I said, well, what I'll do is I'm just going to listen.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm just going to listen to what feels off, I'm going to listen to what I actually want.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm going to listen to where I'm being nudged, I'm going to observe what's coming up for me and I'm just going to be really, really honest.

Caroline Brittone:

That is the first place to start.

Caroline Brittone:

Just take away that pressure of needing to come up with all the answers on what you're going to do because it's too much.

Caroline Brittone:

So as long as that process takes and you'll know when it's complete, spend some time just saying, yeah, this feels off and actually I want this.

Caroline Brittone:

And this feels really important to me and this doesn't fit anymore.

Caroline Brittone:

And what I would say as well is when you're doing this exercise is it doesn't make anything wrong with what's been in the past.

Caroline Brittone:

So it's not like, well, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, right?

Caroline Brittone:

So it's not that you have got it wrong or that it makes the thing that you were doing before bad.

Caroline Brittone:

The relationship, the corporate job, whatever, it's.

Caroline Brittone:

It doesn't make it bad.

Caroline Brittone:

It just means that it's coming to an end and there's a new chapter.

Caroline Brittone:

It's a really different relationship to have with it.

Caroline Brittone:

So that's the first phase.

Caroline Brittone:

The second phase, I would say, is when you are really clear about what's off, I want you to get really clear about what you do want.

Caroline Brittone:

So actually, what is this vision of the life that you want to have?

Caroline Brittone:

Like, how do you feel?

Caroline Brittone:

How are you living?

Caroline Brittone:

What's important to you?

Caroline Brittone:

What are important values?

Caroline Brittone:

Do they line up with where you are?

Caroline Brittone:

So for me, freedom, peace and safety are fundamental.

Caroline Brittone:

So my job is to look at whether it's relationships, my work, and say, is there a match here?

Caroline Brittone:

And if there's not a match and we've got a problem, because they're fundamental values that I have that are important to me.

Caroline Brittone:

And I would ask myself what would bring me peace?

Caroline Brittone:

What would bring me love, what would bring me safety and go through all of these things and get really, really clear on what it is that you want.

Caroline Brittone:

What's the dream like?

Kate Moore Youssef:

What.

Caroline Brittone:

What.

Caroline Brittone:

What is it that you think lights you up?

Caroline Brittone:

That's the second thing.

Caroline Brittone:

The third thing is break it down and start.

Caroline Brittone:

I'll finish on the third thing because there's many other steps, but I want to make it really simple and tangible for people.

Caroline Brittone:

The third step is to say, okay, if I trusted what I'm being shown and the change that I'm being drawn towards, what are some actions I could take in that direction?

Caroline Brittone:

What are some scary things that I could do?

Caroline Brittone:

So it could be starting to have the conversations with people, it could be starting to look for the new job, it could be starting to set up your website for your new business.

Caroline Brittone:

It could be start to research the place that you want to move to abroad, whatever it might be.

Caroline Brittone:

But what actions can you take in that direction and just say, over three months, I'm going to allow myself to start taking actions that may feel uncomfortable, but it's because it's part of my growth.

Caroline Brittone:

And those are the three places that I would start with.

Caroline Brittone:

If, you know, you've got that niggle of change and there's different guidance I'd give if you were much further along the road, but I think that's a fundamental place to start.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, I'm not going to speak generally for everybody with ADHD, but I know many of us with ADHD, we have.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I think there's sort of like this long, deep trauma of not trusting ourselves because there's so much going on in our heads and there's so much noise and it's hard for us to decipher, like, is that real?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that my intuition?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that an idea?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that something I should listen to?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that impulsive?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Is that coming from a people pleasing perspective?

Kate Moore Youssef:

And it's just like there's probably about ten different voices going off.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And for us to be able to get quiet and sit still and hear that aligned voice, it can be very, very tricky for us.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Something that works for me and it might not work for other people is that I try and listen to these nudges and these voices when I'm either detached from social media, listening to anything, and I just go for a walk.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And, Caroline, we live near each other, so you often see me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And that is when I really do kind of those things that come in, I kind of trust them, and something I don't do enough of but should do more of is writing.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I know you're a big.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You're a big fan of this is writing, because typically what comes out in my writing is very much aligned to kind of like, my soul path, like those desires that aren't being conflated with ego and money and shoulds and again, like, external things and logical kind of stages.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So it is.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's just trying to find the technique, I guess, that works for us.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But what you said then, I love those stages because it means that we don't have to make all these big decisions and take all action and all of a sudden just kind of like blow up our lives in, you know, like, that's it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm moving abroad, I'm quitting my job, I'm leaving my partner.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, anything like that, we're allowed to sit with it and almost let it kind of marinate and integrate and kind of go.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Actually.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It keeps coming back, that same thing.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And something that I believe from a spiritual perspective is if we're shown something and we keep being shown it, it's kind of meant to be part of our story in some capacity.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So we can either choose it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So I'll go back to starting a podcast, writing a book, changing careers, like, and we keep getting shown that same thing.

Kate Moore Youssef:

For me, I'm too curious to be like, why do I keep thinking about that thing?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Because I don't think about a lot of other things.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, I don't get shown that I want to, I don't know, become a horse rider or something like that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, I'm not interested in that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So I kind of think, well, that's not for me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But I keep getting shown certain other things.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I kind of go, you know what?

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm going to dip my toe.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Maybe I can get curious.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I just wondered what your thoughts were on this because you've really have, this evolution for you is still ongoing, isn't it?

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I wonder, do you ever have moments, even though I know how deeply connected you are, sort of intuitively, where you kind of go, that's just impossible.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, what the hell?

Caroline Brittone:

Yes.

Caroline Brittone:

Yes.

Caroline Brittone:

Not only do I think it's impossible, all right, I think I've lost the actual plot.

Caroline Brittone:

The kind of words I would hear is, you've gone too far now, Caroline.

Caroline Brittone:

That's a big thing.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, that's the voice of the ego for me.

Caroline Brittone:

You know, I shared before that.

Caroline Brittone:

I've named her Linda.

Caroline Brittone:

She's a bit of a pessimist and always fretting and fearful and overthinking, but that's the voice that I hear is like, you've gone too far now.

Caroline Brittone:

So there's a couple of things I want to say to your points.

Caroline Brittone:

The first one is the regulation of your nervous system is absolutely fundamental when you're trying to navigate change, because if you have a dysregulated nervous system, you're in a state of survival, and your brain literally can't access the cognitive functions it needs to, to be able to have clarity to think about things differently.

Caroline Brittone:

It's a state of stress, state of survival.

Caroline Brittone:

So, somatic work, breath, walking, sleep, anything that, you know, works for you in your toolkit to regulate your nervous system, it's really important.

Caroline Brittone:

And I found gentle, somatic movement really, really, really powerful.

Caroline Brittone:

And in terms of these nudges, so I spoke a little bit to that voice.

Caroline Brittone:

And, you know, I would say that I've been.

Caroline Brittone:

I've been working with this for many, many years now.

Caroline Brittone:

This kind of nudge, move, nudge move.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, I really, really walk the walk with that, which has meant doing extraordinarily scary things in my life.

Caroline Brittone:

I think that, first of all, we've got to give ourselves some grace that as a human being, it is going to be scary and fear is going to come up.

Caroline Brittone:

And for me, the way that I work with that fear is there's not an expectation that there is none of it, but there's certainly a commitment to myself that I won't be held hostage by it and I won't allow it in the driver's seat.

Caroline Brittone:

So, yes, it's going to be there, but I absolutely, categorically refuse to live a life led by fear.

Caroline Brittone:

I will not make decisions based from fear.

Caroline Brittone:

I will not do it.

Caroline Brittone:

I will not stay in something that I don't want to be in.

Caroline Brittone:

I won't do something in my business.

Caroline Brittone:

I won't make choices based on fear, because it is a frequency that is like trying to grow things in concrete.

Caroline Brittone:

Right.

Caroline Brittone:

It just doesn't work.

Caroline Brittone:

So that is one thing that I'd encourage people to lean into, is there may always be fear on whatever path you're picking, because it's the way that we're built as a protection instinct.

Caroline Brittone:

But what decisions are you making for a place of fear which are dictating your life?

Caroline Brittone:

And is that the way that you want to live?

Caroline Brittone:

And what would your 80 year old self say?

Caroline Brittone:

ike, often go to her and say,:

Caroline Brittone:

Like, what advice would she be giving me?

Caroline Brittone:

It's right to listen to the guidance.

Caroline Brittone:

It's right to listen to the nudges.

Caroline Brittone:

It's okay to be happy.

Caroline Brittone:

You deserve to be happy.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, you deserve to be free.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, these are the things that I think about.

Caroline Brittone:

That's the first thing I would say about fear.

Caroline Brittone:

And then the next thing I would say is, you are more brave than you think.

Caroline Brittone:

And one of the biggest gifts that you can give yourself is a deep trust that you will work it out no matter what.

Caroline Brittone:

Every one of us has the capability to work it out.

Caroline Brittone:

And you have the resiliency, and you have everything that you need.

Caroline Brittone:

And I believe the universe will provide you with the people, the resources, everything you need to get you there.

Caroline Brittone:

It doesn't mean that they always come in when we want.

Caroline Brittone:

It doesn't mean that it's always smooth sailing.

Caroline Brittone:

But it's so important that you don't let the fear of failure or get it wrong stop you from living your truest life.

Caroline Brittone:

For me, the biggest thing, like, it's a mission for me, I don't want people to have regret about what they didn't do because they.

Caroline Brittone:

Until they were brave enough, or they didn't feel that they could do it, or they didn't feel they were right to trust themselves.

Caroline Brittone:

You were born with an inner guidance system that knows.

Caroline Brittone:

It's just, you've had the whole of society and all of this programming to tell you the opposite.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, you're not enough.

Caroline Brittone:

Listen to us.

Caroline Brittone:

Look outside of yourself.

Caroline Brittone:

We're all separate.

Caroline Brittone:

Look over here, look on Instagram, and listen to your teachers.

Caroline Brittone:

Listen to the coding from your parents.

Caroline Brittone:

It's just coding.

Caroline Brittone:

That's all it is.

Caroline Brittone:

There is a part within you that when you get quiet and still enough, knows, and that is like, that's your northern star.

Caroline Brittone:

And that's what I really want to encourage people to lean into.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Not understanding this about the programming and the coding and the conditioning and all of that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And then you just open your eyes and go, oh, okay.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So what's been leading me, this has all been leading me, all this external stuff and all this conforming and what other people think of me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And actually, we've not been taught, you know, girls haven't been taught.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Men haven't been taught to listen within and actually listen to themselves and to trust themselves.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And when we finally do that and kind of go, that doesn't work for me anymore, or the way I'm working or the way that person's speaking to me or those boundaries that I've never put in place, this is just not working for me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I keep thinking, about different clients that I've worked with, who we've worked together over the months, the years of their suddenly realizing that they have more power within them.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, they felt that they were powerless and it was just lots of reactive behavior and other people's energy kind of like dictating, and they were just kind of just there reacting and firefighting and not actually claiming what they want.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I think as women, we have been told to be quiet, be small, to be subservient, to not make a fuss, anything like that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And it's time, I think, this female energy, this feminine power to come and be like, actually, no, it's okay to make noise and make a bit of a fuss.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And not everyone listening to this podcast wants to be a change maker, wants to be a leader, wants to create all this impact.

Kate Moore Youssef:

They might just want to do that within their family unit, within their relationship, within the.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Whatever they're happy with.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, I think sometimes the conversation that maybe I have on this podcast, it separates because people go, well, what happens if I don't have that desire to go big?

Kate Moore Youssef:

But I actually just want these smaller changes in my life, like just a boundary with a friend or a boundary with a parent.

Caroline Brittone:

Fundamentally, people just want to be happy, fulfill and at peace.

Caroline Brittone:

Right.

Caroline Brittone:

And however that might look, yeah, I work with all sorts of people.

Caroline Brittone:

I work with a lot of people who are very, very successful, who say it's not the be all and end all.

Caroline Brittone:

What's really important to me is this.

Caroline Brittone:

And I feel really passionate about this is with my kids.

Caroline Brittone:

I constantly encourage them to challenge what they are taught and told, including from what I tell them.

Caroline Brittone:

So I'm like, just because mummy has certain beliefs and mummy has certain political opinions or whatever, it means they're not yours.

Caroline Brittone:

You're a free thinker.

Caroline Brittone:

Challenge what you hear on the news, challenge what your teachers are saying.

Caroline Brittone:

Challenge the way that you want to do things.

Caroline Brittone:

We want people to be independent thinkers.

Caroline Brittone:

We want people to want kids to be curious.

Caroline Brittone:

You know, that's what all these screens and things are doing.

Caroline Brittone:

They're taking kids away from their natural curiosity, where they don't question.

Caroline Brittone:

So we really want that, and we break that by embodying it ourselves.

Caroline Brittone:

So that's the first thing I want to say about that is really encouraging yourself to question what you're hearing on the news.

Caroline Brittone:

Question when you've been told that you're rubbish at something, question when you're told that this should make you happy, but actually it doesn't question it.

Caroline Brittone:

It's good to question it's good to listen to yourself.

Caroline Brittone:

And in terms of, like, what could be classified, I guess, as smaller things, I think that's some of the biggest things is, like, day to day relationships and boundaries and, you know, intimacy and all of the things that are important to us as we navigate the human experience.

Caroline Brittone:

It's okay to want what you want.

Caroline Brittone:

It's okay to feel like something isn't acceptable.

Caroline Brittone:

It's okay to have needs.

Caroline Brittone:

And that's a big thing as well.

Caroline Brittone:

I think, particularly as women, but men as well, is that we are programmed with the fact that it's not okay to have needs.

Caroline Brittone:

Of course you have needs.

Caroline Brittone:

And of course you have things that are important to you.

Caroline Brittone:

And I think that the more that we can get people to really own what that is for them, the more that we can set ourselves free.

Caroline Brittone:

So if anybody's listening and they say, well, my needs are not being met in that area.

Caroline Brittone:

Okay, so the first thing we have to start with is your relationship with yourself.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, how can you meet your needs?

Caroline Brittone:

So if you feel like people are such brilliant mirrors and reflections of our inner world.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Caroline Brittone:

So we have people who.

Caroline Brittone:

Everyone's taking me for granted.

Caroline Brittone:

Do you take yourself for granted?

Caroline Brittone:

Would be my first question.

Caroline Brittone:

Or.

Caroline Brittone:

Nobody's grateful for me.

Caroline Brittone:

Are you grateful for yourself?

Caroline Brittone:

Nobody's prioritizing me.

Caroline Brittone:

Are you prioritizing yourself?

Caroline Brittone:

Like, there's an opportunity to strengthen that relationship with self, first and foremost.

Caroline Brittone:

And that is where we've got to, like, block out the shoulds and block out the guilts and block out this sense that it's too much and actually just get really honest with yourself about what you need.

Caroline Brittone:

And that has a frequency.

Caroline Brittone:

Right?

Caroline Brittone:

I talk about energy is everything's energy.

Caroline Brittone:

You break everything down.

Caroline Brittone:

It's vibrating, like, everything from the table to us to the moon, everything is vibrating particles.

Caroline Brittone:

And whether it's a thought or a word or an action or a belief or an intention, it holds an energetic frequency.

Caroline Brittone:

So when you do the internal work and you get really clear on what it is that you have standards for and you have needs for, you will be amazed at what gets rearranged to match that.

Caroline Brittone:

Because we all have standards, right?

Caroline Brittone:

We all do.

Caroline Brittone:

We have things that would be totally unacceptable and things that would be okay and things that would be amazing.

Caroline Brittone:

And my totally unacceptable in one area might be completely different from yours, Kate, everybody has their own standards.

Caroline Brittone:

But as you elevate your standards and what you expect from people, situations, yourself, life, money, love, romance, intimacy, whatever it is, you'll be amazed at what happens as a match for that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah, absolutely.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I love what you say about the energy, because I think when we start this journey, this healing journey or self exploration, the curiosity of what if, like, what if things did look different, we kind of think we need to bring all these people along on the ride.

Kate Moore Youssef:

We need to tell our partner.

Kate Moore Youssef:

We need to tell our friends.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It has to be like, get lots of people's opinions.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And actually, you know, what I found for me is I quite like keeping it quite private and doing that work.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And then you're right.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I do notice.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I do notice that the rearrangement of certain friendships sort of fall away, that perhaps weren't so great.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Other friendships blossom a little bit more.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Conversations with my partner or my kids kind of develop.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, things either fall away that are meant to fall away, and then other things, you know, you shine a light on them.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And so, so I think if you're kind of going through this process of.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Right, maybe I've got a diagnosis or waiting or I've just had this understanding that you don't have to go out there and share it with everybody.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, it's okay for you to work on this and do this work and maybe some of the stuff that Caroline's been talking about or other modalities or whatever that is, and work on yourself and maybe see the reflection of healing, that self healing that filters out in different ways.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And then all those big changes and the shifts that have felt really scary suddenly dissolve in a way that actually go, well, that.

Kate Moore Youssef:

That's fine.

Kate Moore Youssef:

That was okay.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You made redundant from a job and given a nice payout, and it all feels very kind of aligned, and you have a bit of time to process and a bit of money to maybe do a course or whatever, and it just starts falling into place in little ways.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But then I think on the flip side, you do notice that when things fall into place in one way, then something else happens.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's like a universal way of kind of showing you.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Okay, so you're making.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You're taking those steps, but there's still other things that you need to work on.

Kate Moore Youssef:

But, so this is not something that we can say.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Right.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Happens in a year where you've got two years, and then everything works out.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Would you say this is just constant.

Caroline Brittone:

Continual journey, like, for sure.

Caroline Brittone:

And do you know what as well?

Caroline Brittone:

I would say it's a continual journey, but it doesn't mean that you always have to be doing it at all times.

Caroline Brittone:

Sometimes you do loads of introspection and development work, and then it's time for play and fun and you don't want to open another self development book or read another inspiring post or listen to another podcast.

Caroline Brittone:

Great.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, great.

Caroline Brittone:

It doesn't always have to be like earnest, heavy, introspective work.

Caroline Brittone:

It can be playd and it can be naughtiness and silly.

Caroline Brittone:

It can be all of those things, right?

Caroline Brittone:

And you'll know the season that you're being drawn to at the time.

Caroline Brittone:

And I think, you know, I'll have periods where I'll be really deep in learning and development and then have periods where I'd just be traveling and having fun and like letting my hair down.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm here for all of it.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Caroline Brittone:

Sometimes the real spiritual Caroline comes in, sometimes the real human Caroline comes in and I they're all welcome as far as I'm concerned.

Caroline Brittone:

So yes, it is a continual journey and commitment to self, but it doesn't mean that it has to be every single day.

Caroline Brittone:

Just honour where you're being guided at the moment.

Caroline Brittone:

Sometimes, like, I feel when I've done a load of like healing work or development work, I'll get this, like, just give it a break and let it calibrate.

Caroline Brittone:

And it's like the human body's catching up with it and it's all like catching up to the new vibrations and the beliefs and everything.

Caroline Brittone:

And then it'll be like, let's go again.

Caroline Brittone:

So trust it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Oh, I love that so much because we can get caught in all this.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I'm definitely guilty.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm definitely guilty of just constantly wanting to make the most out of every minute and learn and grow and be productive and I can't waste a minute.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I get to a point where I'm so exhausted, like you say, I can't open another book, can't listen to another podcast, and all I want to do is just watch trash on Netflix, go out, have some drinks, like not talk about anything to do with work.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I can feel it because my body recoils.

Caroline Brittone:

I remember working.

Caroline Brittone:

I've got a really successful client who I absolutely love, very creative, very tuned in and spiritual.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm doing a lot of work with kind of deepening that with her.

Caroline Brittone:

And when she first came to me, she was sort of, you know, I know I want to do this, but I'm a bit scared and, you know, I like to party and this.

Caroline Brittone:

And I said to her, look, you can still be spiritual, get pissed.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, you can still tune in to guidance that's coming through and then want to lie on a beach with your friends, like there is no prescription here where it all has to be serious and earnest and heavy.

Caroline Brittone:

It's the joy of the journey, right?

Caroline Brittone:

And when your body gets to the point where it is saturated and says, no, I just want to switch off.

Caroline Brittone:

I want to sleep.

Caroline Brittone:

I want to watch selling sunset, whatever it might be, then absolutely great, because it's an integration calibration period.

Caroline Brittone:

And you do also get to be deeply spiritual and connected and also having a really wonderful human experience doing all the things.

Caroline Brittone:

So let's be here for all of it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So, so important.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm so glad that you said that, because sometimes in this podcast, the conversations are super serious and rightfully so.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You know, people have gone through a lot to get to this point of self understanding and self acceptance, moving through to, you know, self compassion and then this wondering and this curiosity, and it's a hard process to go through.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's exhausting, it's grueling, and we can feel like we've been sort of dragged through the mire.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I actually, sometimes we do just want to kind of have some fun and joy and creativity and be okay with, like, not being productive and not having to conjure up this big plan for the rest of our lives now that we understand our brains.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, it's okay.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I think I may be saying this because I needed to hear it as well, because I.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm here saying it.

Caroline Brittone:

Because you needed to have that.

Caroline Brittone:

Have that laugh.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I feel like I am definitely ready for a bit of.

Kate Moore Youssef:

A bit of fun and playfulness, for sure.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And that's definitely landed for me and I hope for other people as well.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So, I mean, moving forward, Caroline, what, like, where do you see yourself?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Like, what.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Where are you moving towards?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Because I always think it's really interesting to hear, you know, a mentor talk about what they're gravitating towards and what you're seeing in your, your future.

Caroline Brittone:

Oh, what a question.

Caroline Brittone:

And I'm not sure I entirely know at the moment.

Caroline Brittone:

I think that there's definitely glimmers that I've been given.

Caroline Brittone:

So, you know, I've obviously been through a massive period of change.

Caroline Brittone:

So seven years ago, left the corporate world and set up a business, and I have two businesses.

Caroline Brittone:

Over the last two years, I've been navigating through a separation and a divorce with two children and finding a new balance there in the process of selling my family home.

Caroline Brittone:

So there's lots of unknowns.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, I'm not quite sure where I'm going to live, what things are going to look like.

Caroline Brittone:

There's lots of new things that have come in for me, but I feel very, very sure that I'm exactly where I need to be, right, and that everything is turning out better than I can even imagine.

Caroline Brittone:

I feel that really strongly in terms of the future of my work.

Caroline Brittone:

I have been given images around a lot more of one to one mentorship and a lot more work in America, working with more and more leaders, more and more people in the public eye, more and more people in spheres of influence so that we can ripple those shifts further.

Caroline Brittone:

And I think, like, the rest is just going to be open to the mystery of life as it unfolds.

Caroline Brittone:

And do you know what?

Caroline Brittone:

I'm really entering into a season right now where I can just surrender and trust that.

Caroline Brittone:

And I'm actually quite excited.

Caroline Brittone:

I don't really know.

Caroline Brittone:

I think six years ago, I sat there and I was like, you know, I had no clients and no business and no clue.

Caroline Brittone:

And I was like, you know, I want to make a million in cash.

Caroline Brittone:

I want to buy the big family home, and I want to help these people.

Caroline Brittone:

I want to have thousands of clients.

Caroline Brittone:

I want to have a brand.

Caroline Brittone:

And I.

Caroline Brittone:

I did it all, and I'm so proud of it.

Caroline Brittone:

This is a very new chapter for me, which is I've shown myself I can do all of that, and now it's really like, how good can this get?

Caroline Brittone:

And where can you lead me?

Caroline Brittone:

Like, where am I going?

Caroline Brittone:

And I'll show up and be guided.

Caroline Brittone:

And I'm really in that energy, I would say, almost like a complete feminine surrender.

Caroline Brittone:

And I'm really, really excited to see where that takes me.

Caroline Brittone:

And as and when things come up and are shown to me, I'll continue to act on them, and then I'll come back in the year and I'll tell everybody where I'm at.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's amazing the way you reframe and your self talk is because so many people could speak to themselves and go, right, well, I'm this and my marriage, and you're selling my home, my business is changing, and there could be so much negativity.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And what I found with you throughout this, you know, I've known about all these different changes, is that you've always been so inspiring.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I know you must have had very dark, challenging times.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I know, you know, that goes without saying, but you have always trusted that when changes are fought, when things are getting dark and murky and scary, that you've kind of lent into it and gone, right, okay.

Kate Moore Youssef:

This is just, you know, this is the next.

Kate Moore Youssef:

The next stage.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And many of us resist it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Push back, which I guess elongates a lot of the pain.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I think what you do is very inspiring because you kind of lean into it, almost put your hands up and go, right, just show me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I've always felt so inspired by you because the self talk could be so different.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And I guess that's how we navigate the change, isn't it?

Kate Moore Youssef:

Going back to the beginning of our conversation, it's like, how do we navigate the change?

Kate Moore Youssef:

We kind of have to learn to surrender a little bit, speak to ourselves with love and compassion and hope and trust and have faith that we're on this journey for the right reasons.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Caroline Brittone:

And I would say if you'd seen me over the last couple of years, I mean, it's certainly.

Caroline Brittone:

There have been so many times, like, almost on a daily basis where I had been praying, like, please, like, enough.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, coming at every single angle, pretty much like, I've had enough.

Caroline Brittone:

This can't be right.

Caroline Brittone:

Like what?

Caroline Brittone:

Like, just feeling complete chaos and overwhelm and huge amounts of fear and self doubt.

Caroline Brittone:

And I've had all of those human emotions.

Caroline Brittone:

That's really important that people see that.

Caroline Brittone:

But it's not always this, like, yeah, yeah, like, well, I'll be okay.

Caroline Brittone:

It's been this, like, deep sense of doubt in myself and feeling completely lost and in the darkest.

Caroline Brittone:

But what I would say is there has been something right in the, like, core of me that has been the trump card throughout all of it.

Caroline Brittone:

And it's like this sense of faith, this sense of faith of where I'm being guided and that I'm being protected and I'm okay.

Caroline Brittone:

Even when it felt like I couldn't hold the level of what they were giving me in all areas all at once.

Caroline Brittone:

And that faith has allowed me just to say I've got a real deep belief that I'm being guided and I'm being supported.

Caroline Brittone:

I'm being shown the way that things are literally Caesar being parted for me at the moment.

Caroline Brittone:

And if there is chaos that is lasting a lot longer than I want it to, I trust the rearrangement of it as I step through into the next phase.

Caroline Brittone:

And that has been.

Caroline Brittone:

That's been the journey of self that I've had in the underworld, I'd say, for the last two years.

Caroline Brittone:

Like, that's what I've come out with is, like, in the darkest moments, honestly, I had amazing support with people around me, but ultimately, I had myself.

Caroline Brittone:

And I know that I've always got myself now that relationship with self is like so solid and that relationship with a, with a power greater than me is so strong that I really trust now.

Caroline Brittone:

So it has become easier and easier and easier for me to let go.

Caroline Brittone:

And if I can just lean into the letting go a little bit more and lean into the guidance a little bit more, it's just become easier and easier and easier and easier.

Caroline Brittone:

And then you find yourself out of the underworld, the hero's journey, whatever you want to call it, and you just say like, look who I am.

Caroline Brittone:

And I'm really proud of who I've become.

Caroline Brittone:

It's like I've been forged in the fire.

Caroline Brittone:

That's how it feels to me.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And that's down to those foundations that you've worked so hard on and the self talk that can either completely derail us or stabilize us.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So I just want to thank you, Caroline, for always having an amazing conversation and always bringing lots to this community, your community, and just being an amazing, inspiring mentor that always keeps it real and vulnerable and authentic and guide so many people.

Kate Moore Youssef:

So thank you so much.

Caroline Brittone:

I love you.

Caroline Brittone:

Thank you.

Caroline Brittone:

Thank you for having me.

Caroline Brittone:

Yeah.

Kate Moore Youssef:

And Caroline, just quickly tell people how they can contact you, work with you, what's like, how's the best way?

Caroline Brittone:

So I would either find me on Instagram, which is aroly Britain coaching, or I'd head to my website, which is www.carolinebriton.com and there's loads of free resources on there, podcasts and vlogs, some videos like loans.

Caroline Brittone:

So go and enjoy it.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Amazing.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Thank you.

Kate Moore Youssef:

If you've enjoyed today's episode, I invite you to check out my brand new subscription podcast called the Toolkit.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Now this is where I'm going to be opening up my entire library.

Kate Moore Youssef:

My vault of information from over the years.

Kate Moore Youssef:

My workshops, webinars and courses.

Kate Moore Youssef:

My conversations with experts about hormones, nutrition, lifestyle, and bringing brand new up to date content from global experts.

Kate Moore Youssef:

This is going to be an amazing resource for you, to support you and guide you even more on more niche topics and conversations so you can really thrive and learn to live your best life with ADHD.

Kate Moore Youssef:

I'm so excited about this.

Kate Moore Youssef:

It's the Toolkit on Apple Podcast.

Kate Moore Youssef:

You get a free trial.

Kate Moore Youssef:

Really hope to see you there.

Kate Moore Youssef:

That's.

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