Ever felt that eerie quietness in your home? Well, that’s exactly what we’re diving into today! In this episode, I’m chatting about the loneliness that can creep in when you’re living solo, especially during those quiet evenings when the only sound is the refrigerator humming away. We’ll talk about how having a pet, like my beloved cat Trouble can fill that silence with warmth and companionship. I’ll share how pets not only bring a bit of chaos to our lives but also help us feel seen and loved, even on our toughest days. So grab a comfy spot and let’s explore how our furry friends transform our homes from quiet boxes into lively spaces filled with love!

Life as a singleton can often feel like a tightrope walk between independence and the occasional pang of loneliness, especially when the house settles into that eerie silence. Wioleta, our witty host, dives into the complexities of living solo, revealing how the quiet can sometimes echo louder than the chatter of a busy household. Have you ever walked into your home after a long day, only to be met with absolute stillness? It’s in those moments that the longing for companionship can hit the hardest. Wioleta shares her own experiences, including her daily chats with her vocal cat, Trouble, who may not have much to say but certainly fills the space with his presence. From the absence of a partner to the comforting chaos that pets bring, she highlights how pets are not just adorable companions but vital emotional outlets that help us navigate the often lonely evenings. She emphasizes that pets offer a unique warmth and routine, transforming empty spaces into lively corners filled with love and affection.

Takeaways:

• Living alone can sometimes feel overwhelmingly quiet, especially during the evenings when loneliness tends to hit the hardest.
• Having a pet can significantly enhance the experience of living solo, adding warmth and companionship to an otherwise quiet home.
• Pets not only fill the silence but also provide emotional support, helping to co-regulate feelings and reducing stress levels during lonely times.
• It's important to recognize that a family can be defined in many ways, including just you and your pet, creating a unique bond that offers love and connection.

Links referenced in this episode:

• allaboutbeingsingle.com
• allaboutbeingsingle@gmail.com
• instagram.com/allaboutbeingsingle

Have you ever noticed how quiet your home feels sometimes? Hi, welcome back. I'm Wioleta, your host of All About Being Single.

This is the podcast where we get real about the ups and downs and in betweens of doing live solo. Whether you're thriving, surviving, or somewhere in the middle, this space is for you.

This episode is definitely for those of you who do not want or have roommates besides furry ones. Or maybe for those of you who are considering getting a pet. So most of the time we're home by ourselves.

And again, some of us have currently already have pets.

I have a cat who I thought was going to be my co host, but because I would dance with him the first couple of times that I shot this episode, he straight up just stays clear of this room. When I'm recording, I leave the door open to see if he'll come in. But he does not bite. And he actually doesn't bite in general.

But anyhow, let's be honest, living single can sometimes feel like just too much silence. Like, if it wasn't for my cat who constantly meows and talks back to me, he is a very vocal cat. It would just feel like too quiet in here.

And I definitely feel that the most after, like a long day, you know, when I want to share the good, the bad, you know, something that upset me, something that was annoying that day, the. There's really nobody here to listen to me. There's nobody here to ask me how my day was.

So I constantly have that longing for that instant understanding, you know, for somebody to validate that was a difficult day. Or this person that I talked to was insane. You know, couples get that effortlessly and we don't.

Or even people who are single but maybe live with somebody else, they might still get some of that if they live with a roommate. We don't really have much sound. Like, for me, there's times when I don't even, like, listen to anything or watch tv. So it literally is.

I. I just hear like the sound of the fridge, maybe, or I hear the sound of my heat turning on and like cycling and like, that's sometimes the only sounds that I hear for like a while. I think that sometimes our emotional energy gets trapped because there's no outlet for daily connection.

You know, you're kind of both like the talker and the listener because you're constantly almost. And I've actually read studies about how people who live by themselves tend to start talking to themselves and. And I definitely understand why.

And sometimes I will talk to myself now because it's just like, well there's nobody else here. Like it's weird for us to not have somebody else to talk to. And especially nowadays too, with like social media being such a huge part of our lives.

A lot of times we don't call people, a lot of times we don't text people even sometimes we're just like sending memes to each other and that's like our main way of communicating, even with friends.

And when I was in my 20s and even my early 30s, but definitely more so my 20s, like I would just constantly be out and about and going out and just drinking and so I was constantly more around people. Like I was more social. And now being older in my mid late 30s, everybody needs to get that straight. Mid, late 30s is where I'm at.

It's like I don't have the energy and I don't even want to just, you know, constantly keep myself busy with other people. It would just be nice to have again what the couples have that effortless, hey, this person's just here. Like I'm just coming back home.

And it's almost like this person comes with the house type of energy. But yeah, the moment when the sun goes down and the house gets quiet, it's really when like the loneliness tends to hit the hardest.

I would say for me, the days I do feel loneliness, it is in the evening. I can only feel that in the morning. I don't feel that throughout the day because I am either at work or I am trying to communicate with people.

But in the evening it's when again most people are talking to their significant others. It's if you're younger, you're possibly hanging out cuz you have a higher. You have a bigger group of friends who are still going out.

But for those of us who are single and are older or are just introverts and just don't like to spend a lot of time around other people, we feel that quiet when we're home by ourselves. You start to notice all the empty spaces, the unused chair, the second side of the bed, the unshared dinner table.

Even if you love your independence, which I do, that hour can trigger those few hours can really trigger a sense of absence, of just not being witnessed or known. And that quiet. I think for, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think for a lot of us can quickly turn into overthinking too.

So sometimes, and I definitely did a lot of this when I was a little bit younger, just I would try to fill every moment with noise or work or Social media to really avoid that, the feeling of emptiness, you know, or overbooking my evenings just to avoid coming home to that silence. Or on the flip side, you know, some of us, and I've definitely done this isolate more because you've grown kind of numb to the quiet.

But yeah, sometimes it just might. There just might not be any movement in the house except yours.

The house feels more like a storage space than a home in a sense, you know, it doesn't feel as alive sometimes. I know that sounds very strange, but it doesn't feel as alive sometimes because it is just you in this house.

There's no hugs, you know, no casual touch, no good night. And even again if you're fine during the day at home, the absence of touch can really feel amplified. That quiet reinforces loneliness.

I truly think sometimes it's not even like about needing someone there. It's more about craving the energy and like that shared existence of a space. Because the silence can contribute to loneliness.

It isn't just about being alone.

It's about the lack of being seen and touched or cared for or having a co regulating presence for your nervous system, especially for those of us, and this is me who can be stressed out more easily or have that type a personality. Right here. And for me too now especially most of my friends do not live close or even the few that do.

We like to spend time just grabbing dinner or doing like maybe some fast popup activities in the city in Chicago, but usually that's on the weekends. So like on the regular evenings after work I'm tired and I just come home to me.

And then even on the weekends if I do spend time with people, we don't spend much time at each other's houses. So I don't go to a lot of my friends houses anymore. They don't come to my house. So usually we just meet in like a third place.

So again during the week especially. There'S definitely a lot of silence. Like on the weekend at least I'm trying to keep myself busy and just doing stuff out and about.

And you can fill the space with TV or music or podcasts, you know, just so it doesn't feel so empty. Sometimes you even leave things on just to stimulate, simulate the feeling of someone being home. But the house can still just be so quiet.

And yeah, you can fill it with music or TV or the sounds of cooking. You know, those are all ways that we can try to fill the silence.

But what I think works the best is having an animal like when I come home because I have a cat, and he appears and meows at me and wants to be pet. Well, he mainly wants to be fed. If you've seen my cat, you know, you know, he's a chunky one.

But I feel like definitely lately, I've been extremely grateful for the fact that I do have my cat. I mean, I'm always grateful for him, obviously. We just surpassed his 11th Gaia Day the last month.

So I've just been reflecting on how much having my cat, whose name is Trouble, by the way, has done for me the last 11 years, which I also cannot believe he's 11, that I feel like he still looks like such a baby. And I tell him all the time he's gonna need. He's gonna live till at least 25.

And I swear to God, he understands what I'm saying, and he definitely does not want to live that long. But anyhow, happy 11 years to trouble. So let's talk about what pets do for us singles. I feel like they don't just fill the silence.

They give it warmth. There's something deeply healing about being responsible for another living thing.

And so when you have to feed, walk, or care for your pet, I think you start to find some kind of rhythm. You know, that daily routine gives your days a purpose and a structure, especially when you're single.

And I do think that they make you feel like part of a family. And it's not just emotional, it's biological. Studies do show that spending time with pets and petting them boosts oxytocin and serotonin.

So the chemicals tied to love and happiness, they calm your nervous system and they remind your body what connection does feel like, even when you're not in a romantic relationship. And I'm lucky, too, because Trouble is so huge on cuddling. And so we cuddle in the mornings and the evenings.

If I'm working from home, he'll come out and hang out with me while I'm working. So I definitely got lucky with having a cat that actually enjoys those things.

I do think also these little balls of chaos and love make the house have life and just energy and some kind of movement, right? Like, I think again, they make noises, they make meows. You know, there's a heartbeat that's not just yours.

I think that they remind you that you're loved and someone thinks about you and someone actually cares for you. And someone is waiting for you to come home, and someone gets joy from your presence, especially on those days you don't see or talk to other humans.

And I For me, and I know obviously a lot of other people I like, I work from home some days and some days I don't necessarily have meetings. It's more of like straight on, just work on projects days.

And it's so nice to still have again somebody that I can kind of talk to essentially because for those of us who are working that hybrid schedule or work from home, our pets are essentially our favorite co workers probably. And then somehow your pet also sees you, I think too.

They see you in all your moods, all your routines, your quiet mornings, your messy nights, your bad moods.

You know, they do help co regulate us too, which is fantastic to help out at least a little bit with the loneliness that we can experience being single. And if you ask me, a pet's love towards you. And you towards the pet is really unconditional.

I think something that's only experienced with parents to children. Not all obviously when it comes to both parent to children relationships and pet parent to pet relationships.

But most people, I think there's that unconditional love.

And so I think that pets remind you that you're lovable even when you're not performing, even when you're at your worst, even when you're crying, you know, even when you're at your lowest, when you're sick, when you have no makeup on, you know, when you haven't showered, even because maybe you're going through a depressive episode. So I do think that there's so much good that comes out of them. I'd love to hear from you if you do have a pet that changed.

Maybe how you experience singleness or living by yourself or how they help you out with just dealing with things like loneliness, send a voice Note to allaboutbeing single.com or also if you have any thoughts, ideas on how to improve these episodes, anything I can cover that you think needs to be covered, please feel free to email me at all about being singlemail.com I would absolutely love to hear what you guys have to say. And if you have anything you want to share about this episode, please send that in as well. And the hill I'll die on is this.

And this is something actually one of my sisters said and she's not single, but she's mentioned this, she's mentioned that just because she and her boyfriend don't have kids yet doesn't mean that they're not a family.

And you know, a family can be two people or two people and their dogs, like my sister and a boyfriend or my friend and her husband or Two people and their two cats. Like my other sister and her fiance and their two cats and her cat, her poor cat.

Her beautiful cat Fluffy right now just got diagnosed with cancer and it's definitely a difficult time for them. So I hope, I hope that Fluffy gets to live for as long as as she can live. She's.

Oh my gosh, she's such a beautiful cat and such a cute, just a little scaredy cat, but also just so gorgeous and like when she does like you, she'll like let you pet her forever unlike any other cat I've ever known. She just beautiful. But anyhow, a family can be one person and a pet. So it could be me, just me and my cat. We do make a family.

I do truly believe that that is a family. So don't feel like just because it's just you and a pet or a couple of pets that you're not a family. You are a family unit.

If you're living by yourself with them, you are a family unit. And that brings me to my never again point. Because never again will I not call my house a home or me and my cat a family, because we are a family.

Because my pet child reminds me like love already lives here. Because Trouble is my pet child and so we do make a family. He's honestly been with me through some of the worst times of my.

Of my life and some of the best times of my life and, and he truly has helped me co regulate a lot and I just, I just love that little fur ball that I hope comes in here at some point. Hey, Trouble, come in here. Boo. Yeah. He's like, nah, I'm not falling for you trying to pick me up and dance with me ever again.

And my no life to stand on is the marrieds or the coupled ups who love to say, oh, you're just so lucky you can have peace and quiet. And it's like they don't understand that you can have too much quiet.

There's too, there's something to be said about just having too much quiet in your life.

You know, it's like the kind that feels obviously like a wall between you and the world when again you come home and there is just no sounds whatsoever and you can literally hear every tiny sound in your house because there's nobody else there. And they truly don't realize what it's like to. That there's such a thing as having too much of.

If you're enjoying this episode, please take a quick moment to rate and review this all about being Single Podcast Wherever you're listening. And if you don't want to miss any future episodes, please follow or subscribe to the show wherever you're listening.

I do put out new episodes every Tuesday morning. Let's do our note to self. If your house could talk back to you, what would it want you to notice about the love that's already here? So take a moment.

Either write down your answer or just think about it. I know some of you might be driving, some of you might be walking, you know, so maybe send yourself a nice little voice note. Whatever works for you.

But definitely think about what your house would want you to know about the love that's already in your house. Cause sometimes we don't think about it. Sometimes we focus too much on the quiet and on the loneliness that a very quiet house can bring.

And while you're doing that, or if you decide not to do that right now and come back to it later, you can also do this with me. I always say dance every day, and I always do dance every day. I mean, I'm sure there's been a few days where I've missed.

But anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and get up and dance for a little bit. I'll probably dance to the full song, but I'll dance if you guys want to, go ahead.

And if you're able to, if you're not driving, or I guess even if you're driving, you can kind of bump along to it. So let's take a moment, let's dance, and we'll come back and talk a little bit more about some of this. Sam. Hi. So I'm back.

So let's talk about some of the love that's already in our houses.

I think what I've learned is that love doesn't just show up in romantic relationships, you know, or only in our, like, actual family, like our parents, our siblings, our kids.

I think it does also show in these small, little creatures, such as our baby pets or even, like, the connection we might have with, like, life plants. I mean, we do have things in our house that are alive. Well, we could have things. I know not all of us do, but if you don't.

If you don't have a pet, even just getting some, like, live plants helps, you know, because there's things in your house that are. That are alive. And yes, I also know there's, like, things like spiders and stuff, but we're not gonna. We're gonna pretend that they don't exist.

But anyhow, your home is already full of, like, Care and presence and connection, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it or look like it, especially what like, society calls family, you know, or partnership. I do think that the love can be in the routines that you keep.

So, you know, there's so much about, like, self love that's so important to all, you know, the joy that we create for ourselves or within ourselves, you know, by how we treat ourselves and just the life that we nurture.

And, you know, whether it's for yourself or a pet or for those plants that I mentioned, I think there is something to be said about, like I mentioned earlier, a family isn't just you and a partner or you and your kids or you and your parents. You know, depending on who you live with. A family is you and your pets or you and your pet that does make up a family. And it.

And you're already showing a lot of love to your pets if you have them.

And I hope that you're also showing a lot of love to yourself, a lot of care to yourself, and you can even be showing the love to the house that you live in, right? You could, you know, just by cleaning it. I think that's you showing some kind of love. I think love exists in so many other things than people.

The society like to believe that it does.

And I think the more that we, like, focus on things like our pets, our plants, or even just taking care of our home, or definitely especially taking care of ourselves, you're really living in love.

So our weekly Glow Up Challenge this week is if you could just spend a few minutes every day nurturing something, your pet again, your plants or yourself.

You know, just feed something, something that's nutritious, whether it be yourself or your pet or, you know, get that special nutritious stuff for, like, your plants. Clearly it's not what I get from mine, so maybe I'm gonna do that this week, but just care for something.

Like let those small acts remind you that love doesn't have to wait for somebody else to arrive.

And if you'd like to share some of what you did with us, maybe post it on a story on social media, on Instagram, and then tag me and at all about being single on Instagram. And then I would love to share what you guys come up with. Thanks for being here with me today. Thanks for listening.

Thank you for your continued support. I keep getting more and more listens on every episode, and it feels so great that this podcast is growing.

I'm hoping that I'm reaching people and I'm hoping that some of this at least resonates with you.

Even if there's one thing that you can take away from each episode that maybe helps you, quote, unquote, survive this single era in your life or make it better, it makes me feel like I'm doing something good with my life. So thank you for that. And always remember, even if we're late, we're right on time.

Again, thanks for listening, and I'll talk you to see you next Tuesday.