Say What You Need: Breaking the Resentment Cycle

Speaker A: 00:00:03

Welcome to Liberation Wisdom. I'm Kayla Moore, a sacred feminine priestess in training and guide on the path of walking as love in a world of chaos.

This podcast is for seekers, healers and anyone who feels the old world crumbling and the new one trying to be born.

Each episode we explore how to liberate ourselves from patriarchal wounds, weave the divine feminine and divine masculine back into harmony and witness the real tangible evidence of the new earth manifesting through collective consciousness shifts. This isn't about bypassing the darkness, it's about alchemizing grief and rage into fuel for co creating what comes next.

We are the light and the love. When we choose love and peace internally, we are also sending those vibrations to be mirrored the world around us. This is Liberation Wisdom.

Always choose love. Welcome back beloveds, to the Liberation Wisdom podcast.

I'm Kayla Moore, your host, Sacred feminine priestess in training and feminine liberation coach, here to help us liberate from the patriarchal conditioning that we've all been steeped in most of our lives.

To weave back the divine feminine and divine masculine into the fabric of who we are as humanity and to walk as love in the face of our chaotically changing world. So I am so happy to have you back. Today I'm going to be talking around a topic I've talked about before. It comes up in a lot of different ways.

Mainly the conversations I've been having are through work, but essentially I'm going to be talking about resentment and play.

The resentment that we build up over time when we are not allowing ourselves to be our full, true authentic selves and are not saying the thing that we need to say.

I've worked with many people and recently have client and in my own personal life some really deep seated issues around really what this country has taught us about work ethic or around who someone is supposed to be in their role in society.

And when those meet a crossroads of like this actually isn't what I want anymore, this isn't something that I want to believe anymore or it's creating rifts in my relationship and how resentment over time can build when we're not being our authentic self and how we need to get back to being able to play and being our, you know, all the expressions of who we are.

And part of that is our inner child that really wants to play and be creative and do things in a way that is not always how society tells us to do them. So a lot to cover there, but we're gonna dive into that.

I do wanna just touch on my holy rage circle I held it for the first time having people actually come in person on Friday last week, and it went beautifully.

It was such an amazing experience to hold space with these women that really were just there to open up their hearts and experience what it was like to really share what's on their hearts and to feel witnessed in that and then to really move through it in a somatic way, through dancing and really feeling it in their bodies and allowing music and my voice when I sing and all the different elements that I brought into that to really feel and move through those emotions and then move into pleasure and joy and like holding a frequency of love and a vision for what we would love the world to look like. So it was beautiful.

I am doing this online, so I have had a lot of people talk to me that really would love to be part of this circle, but are not in my direct community. And so I'm going to test drive this online.

I am going to hold a online version of the Holy rage Circle on June 30 from 4 to 5:30pm Pacific Daylight Time. I'm on the west coast in the US So it'll be Pacific Time and it's going to be slightly modified.

Obviously being in person is slightly different than being online, but it's going to have the same flow. We're going to start by grounding and getting into our bodies.

We're going to do some journaling on really what's going on for us, what's heavy on our hearts. And then I'm going to have people come and be spotlighted and share their truth and be witnessed. And so there's no pressure on anyone to do that.

Depending on how many people we have, I might have everybody share. If we, if I like somehow amazingly have a lot of people, then maybe I'll just keep it to a certain amount of shares.

But I mean, this is really a space to feel seen and heard.

So it's about you stepping into your truth and again saying the thing that is hard to say and getting out the emotions in a verbal way that can be really helpful to be witnessed in. And then I will move you through some somatics. And I think this can actually work in the benefit to a lot of people.

If you're feeling very shy and like, I don't want to do that in front of people, then you could, you know, turn your camera off or you can go off camera and dance in your own little bubble of safety. And so it's not quite as exposing as being in person with people. And so I'll put on music, and we'll move through grief and rage.

And then I like to do kind of a bridge into. From being in those intense emotions into more, like, being still and in our bodies again. And then we move really into joy and pleasure.

And when we've, like, reached the peak of that expression, then we pause and we really hold a vision for what we want the future to look like again. We, like, ground in our bodies, we go inside of ourselves, and then we really hold a vision for what we want the world to look like.

And then we kind of do like, a closing of the circle. Usually I sing, so I. I'll have to figure that one out.

It might just be another song that we kind of, like, really feel like we're in community again together. And you can sing on your own if you wanted to, and then at the end, having, like, a slight debrief, if anyone wants to chime in of how that was.

But I would also be, like, sending an email afterwards and really asking for any feedback and things that would be helpful for me to know of what your experience was. So I think it's a great way to feel again in community, to feel like there is a space to talk about what's going on in the world or in your life.

A lot of us are really feeling the impact of, like, what's happening out there again in our own lives, too.

And so I think it's a beautiful way to feel like, you know, you can say anything, really, and it will be held and it will be witnessed and seen, and no emotion is off the table. So if that interests you, please go down in the show notes and find the information on how to sign up.

It's going to be $55, and I really encourage anyone that is feeling a pull to join, to try it out and see how you like it. Okay, let's talk about resentment and play.

So there's a few different things going on here in terms of, like, the types of conversations that I've had.

So one is more along the lines of work and our societal understanding of work and productivity and being in a space where you are just told, like, this is the way to do it.

And I do think that some people are trying to change the narrative, but for the most part, people still have been steeped in the narrative of, like, work should basically be your number one priority. Like, you are. You are living to work instead of working to live.

And, I mean, I see this, and even if there is a cognitive dissonance around, I don't Actually want work to be the number one priority in my life. I think a lot of us still prioritize work as the number one priority in our life.

I have been witnessing this in my own relationship as my husband has been called in to do a lot more work. And I think the thing that keeps most people on the hook is the money, right?

That we live in a society that has bled us so dry of any resources that people feel like there's no other option, there's really no other option than to do what I'm doing. Even if I don't like it, I have to do this.

And then there's another client that I've had a conversation around this in a little bit different way that doesn't have a family, but has very much sacrificed their personal life for work and was more easily able to do that because they didn't have a family. But it's really created rifts with previous partners and is something that has always just been like, yeah, I'm just like, I'm always available.

I'm always on call. They have a job that they have to be on call a lot. And so it's just like, this is just part of what it means to be in this job.

And I just have to, like, always be on call. I always have to, like, put work first, put anything I want to do in my personal life second.

And they are coming around to this idea of, like, maybe that isn't always the case.

Maybe there is some wiggle room in here where I can assert some boundaries around my personal time and say, like, I'm not actually available during this time, and I can, you know, sort of be on call, but I need this to be off limits to be on call, or I need to work on finding alternative coverage and things like that. And so I think we have gotten so steeped in just, like, we have to be a certain way.

And there, especially in the work culture, there tends to be this understanding that, like, if you aren't doing all of these things, if you aren't putting work first, then you're not as committed and you're not going to be promoted and you're not going to make more money and you're not going to get the opportunities that other people may get that are, like, slaving themselves.

And when my client that I was chatting with actually looked at it, they were like, actually, the people that have set boundaries in their life aren't really very much, you know, behind where I'm at, that I probably could have been doing this the whole time and still be pretty much where I'm at in my career that I am now.

And so I think, really taking a look at the narratives and the structures that we have around work and really starting to play with them, really starting to understand how do I start to see something different than what is right in front of me. And this takes us getting to a place where we can step out of that dominant narrative.

And I know for a lot of people, it's very hard, and they're not ready to hear it. This client that I actually am talking about has said, like, even just a few months ago, I might not have been.

I wasn't at a place where I could really hear this and understand this. And it's just coming through now. And I personally think that that's, you know, due to a lot of, like, inner work that people are doing.

But also we are getting a lot of energy coming into us on our planet right now that I think is helping open up some of these doorways to see things differently than how we used to see them. That's giving us a little bit more space and a little bit more room to be like, oh, maybe this isn't exactly the way that I want this to be anymore.

And so I think where the resentment comes in is when, I mean, this happens across the board in so many things.

You know, there's been so many videos or just interviews that I've seen of, like, baby boomers talking to millennials or baby boomers talking to Gen Z and really trying to like, understand their way of thinking around things, especially when it comes to work, and how, like, younger generations are really pushing for more freedom and more, like, support and, like, getting more things out of the job, like, more time off, more benefits, more things that we actually need to thrive in this world instead of just, like, working for the small amount that we're given. And, you know, like, 401ks aren't necessarily all they're cracked up to be.

They're definitely still, like, mainstream, something that people still use very heavily.

But I think more and more, my generation and younger generations are starting to be like, do we actually want to just, like, shovel all this money away for years down the road when one, we don't even know, we don't even really understand or know what retirement is going to look like down the road.

But we know for sure that the, like, American dream that we once had around getting a job, staying in that job for your whole life, shoveling money into retirement, retiring, and then, like, living out your year, the Rest of your years to the best that you can. Like, that's pretty much dead. I think most younger generations are like, that's not the reality that we have anymore.

And that's, I don't think, really the reality that we want anymore. A lot of younger people want to travel now.

They want to, like, live their life and now not, like, wait to live their life and sacrifice a lot of their body and their emotional mental health for this company that really doesn't give a shit about us. So I think the resentment comes in when older generations are like, but this is just how I did it.

And so you have to do it the way that I did it, because I had to suffer. So now you have to suffer. And I just really think that as a society, we have to work on that mentality. We really have to work on it.

And I know where it comes from. It comes from it being, like, a traumatic experience and really feeling like, I've never been heard, I've never been seen.

I've never been given the platform to, like, express myself.

And so now I'm just going to put you in the same box that I was in, because, one, I may not know anything different, and two, like, I haven't dealt with any of my stuff. And so I'm just gonna, like, project all of that onto you. And I just feel like this is a really, really damaging way of being in society.

If we are constantly looking at, like, well, my failures need to be your failures, how does that help us move forward? And I want those people to be seen. I want those people to be heard.

I think a lot of younger generations look at older generations and are like, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Like, I hate that you had to do that. I hate that you had to, like, put your body on the line.

I hate that you never could express your emotions and be your full, true self. Like, we, you know, I'm gonna spread speak for a lot of people.

And this obviously is probably not across the board, but I do think that there is a lot of empathy around that, from younger generations to older generations. And we empathize with it because we don't want to do that. We don't.

Like, we understand what it feels like to be there, and we don't want to do it anymore.

And so we have empathy, but it's like, please don't then make me have to do the same thing that you did just because you want me to feel just as bad as you when we could do it a different way.

And I just think we need to really work on hearing each other and understanding that expressing, again, our emotions and saying the things that we need to say, that maybe we've been holding in for our whole lives could help us liberate ourselves and then liberate each other as well. And, you know, older generations may not get there, and that's okay, and we can have empathy for that.

But I really think as things are starting to shift and move in how we do things, and people are starting to create new ideas and new ways of being in the world and ways of doing work and being productive, that having this sense of you have to do it the way that I did it, just because it's the way I did it, is not helpful. And I think, you know, from a parent standpoint, I think most parents go into parenting wanting our children to have a better life than we did.

And yet I still think that a lot of parents get stuck on the fact that, like, well, this is how I was raised. And so I'm going to raise you the same way I was raised, even if it's not working. And again, it's kind of a mixture of things.

People just have limited tools when that's the only thing that they know.

And also, I think, again, it's this, like, mirroring of, I see you going through this struggle that I had, and I was never heard and seen and, like, supported in that. And so I feel like I'm not really willing and able to do the same for you.

And I just think that that is a really tragic and sad and limiting belief system that I think we really need to peel back the layers of. And again, like, hold those people where they needed to be held way back when and really help them feel like this was not okay for you either.

And it's good, actually, that we are moving past it and developing new ways of doing things so that we're not continuing to be in the cycle of harm that you have been in.

And so another way that this comes up, I see is in couples that sometimes when we're not, again, voicing our feelings and what we need in a moment, then we build resentment and we create a story in our head around what our partner must be doing, what their intentions are, and that I'm not getting my needs met. And so, therefore, I'm not going to meet the needs of my partner.

And again, it's this really limiting belief that isolates you and makes you feel like the walls are closing in and there's no way out. And I think when we are able to, like, step into a place of truth and love for ourselves and for our partners. That it's so much better.

Like, it's so much better for your partner to hear something, even if it's hard to hear. It's so much better for them to hear, I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I feel lonely, I feel hurt, I feel all the things.

And for them to, like, know where that's coming from instead of just bottling it up. And then the resentment building over time, and then we're both kind of siloed in these two.

I usually say, like, you're both on your own islands, and nobody is able to hear the other person. Nobody is able to, like, give a little to the other person to, like, break that cycle.

Because you both feel like you're just locked in and can't see why the other person isn't able to give you what you want and need. But really, you actually haven't said what you want and need. I see this in couples when.

When you're doing things in the relationship for the other person, instead of stepping up and saying, hey, I actually need this. I need this.

I need to do this for myself to fill my cup and maybe, you know, step away, go spend time with friends, go do your hobby, Go do something for yourself to fill your cup up.

You're constantly just, like, doing things for your partner because you think that that's how you're going to get them to do things for you, but it's constantly depleting you. And then again, you're building resentment that my partner is never giving me the thing that I need.

But you're actually not giving yourself the thing that you need either. And you're not voicing the things that you want to need. You're just stuffing it all down.

So there's a lot of ways that I see resentment coming up in different conversations that I'm having in different aspects of life and really coming into this sense of, what could it look like again for us to play? I feel like this kind of goes along the arc of the holy rage circle of really looking at, again, where do we have grief? Where do we have rage?

What are the emotions that we are feeling because we have resentment? How do we express them? And then how do we move into play? Because play is also a form of joy and pleasure.

And I just feel like there's such a need, especially for adults, to get back to play the archetype that we are working with this moon cycle in my Priestess training is the muse. And this week, I had no real understanding of the muse before going into our temple ceremony this week.

And it was one of the most fun temple ceremonies we have ever had. It was silly. It was just ridiculous was a word we kept using.

And it really gave a platform to just like, how we really need joy and pleasure in our lives.

And the muse is all about getting back to your inner child and how your inner child can show you how play and joy and pleasure is really important in our lives and gives us, gives us a blueprint for how to like, break out of the box and do things differently and, and to also, you know, in.

In the spirit of liberating from the patriarchy, to like, look at the structures that we have in patriarchy and just see them for how ridiculous they are, seeing the people that are in power right now for how ridiculous they are.

I honestly feel like if we all just went to Washington D.C. and just like played and were so over the top ridiculous, it would create such a ruckus because they take themselves so seriously and, and a lot of us tend to take ourselves so seriously and everything that we do is so serious. And it's not that we can't be serious. There's also, like, when we need to really, like, hold the things that need to be held.

But when we can have this, like, playful attitude about a lot of things, it breaks the ice.

It helps us, like, look outside of what we have always seen as status quo and look at it from a different perspective and see how we can do things differently. And it feels good. It feels good. It feels good in our bodies to play. We, even if we don't play very often, like our bodies know how to play.

We, we're humans, we have our inner child that's still in us that wants to play and be creative. So I invite you to think about, like, what could life look like if we put more play back in it?

And how could we reshape the world for the incoming generations if play was more part of everyday life for all humans, no matter what age level they were? How could children develop differently if adults were a lot more engaged in playfulness?

That doesn't mean like necessarily getting down on the ground and like playing with little figurines or something, but having a more playful nature to a lot of the things that we do, being able to laugh more, to be in community more, to again, look at things from all different perspectives and not feel like we have to be so narrow focused on everything. I think play is such a great way to shake things up and see what other avenues we could possibly entertain.

And we also just need it to, like, let go, to, like, practice letting go and allowing what is to just be instead of trying to control everything all the time. And that's exactly, you know, what the patriarchy wants. It wants to control everything.

And play kind of allows it to just, again, be ridiculous and think of, like, who cares? And like, let's just fuck it all and see what happens.

So I invite you to bring a little bit more play into your life and to think about what that could look like for you. Is it like wearing a silly hat one day? Is it walking down the street, jamming to some music and not caring about who sees you?

Is it maybe playing more with your kids? I feel like having a kiddo really brings out that playfulness in me. And we love to do dance parties and just be silly with each other.

So how can you bring more play into your life and also use play as a way to break out of that resentment and see different ways of relating to other people beyond just trying to make them experience the same experiences that you had? And if you are in need of feeling held and seen in the resentment that you have, the holy rage circle is there for you.

So I appreciate all of you for being here, for listening, and I will talk to you in the next episode. Take care. All right. Thank you for being here, beloved. For listening, for choosing this path.

If you want to stay connected and go deeper, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter.

I send Wisdom twice a month on the new and full moons, sharing astrology, feminine liberation insights and guidance for navigating these shifting times. When you subscribe, you'll also receive my free Sacred Body workbook, a guide to healing body image and embracing pleasure.

It's foundational work for everything we explore here. You can find the link down below in the show notes. Until next time, remember, always choose love.

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